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00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,256
CHORUS SINGS:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:13,138
(exclaiming)
3
00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:19,227
(school bell ringing)
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(Barney belches)
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(whistle blows)
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(yells)
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(beeping)
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(playing the blues)
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Ooh!
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(gunfire)
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00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,431
(tires screeching)
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(horn honking, Grampa shouts)
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D'oh!
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(tires screeching)
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(grunts)
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♪ On the twelfth day
of Christmas ♪
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♪ My true love gave to me ♪
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♪ 12 Grampas grumbling ♪
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-♪ 11 Barneys belching ♪
-(belches)
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♪ Ten Lennys leaping ♪
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♪ Nine Carls dancing ♪
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♪ Eight Moes a-milking ♪
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♪ Seven Selmas smoking ♪
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♪ Six Flanders praying ♪
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♪ Five golden Frinks ♪
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♪ Four crawling nerds ♪
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♪ Three-eyed fish ♪
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♪ Two special Ralphs ♪
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♪ And a Maggie in a snugglie. ♪
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{\an8}(Bart and Milhouse laughing)
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{\an8}So, what prank are you
going to lead off with?
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{\an8}The exploding pen.
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{\an8}Don't think
I've heard of it.
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{\an8}(groans)
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{\an8}Let the games begin.
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{\an8}(all laughing)
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00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,959
{\an8}(laughing stops)
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{\an8}(laughter resumes)
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{\an8}(kids cheering)
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{\an8}(engine stalling)
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{\an8}(exclaims)
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{\an8}(kids cheering)
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{\an8}(Milhouse screams)
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{\an8}Simpson, that is a rebuilt
Yugoslavian engine.
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{\an8}There isn't even
a Yugoslavia anymore!
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{\an8}Bring it back at once!
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{\an8}You're the boss.
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{\an8}(crashing)
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{\an8}(laughing)
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{\an8}(groaning)
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{\an8}(grumbling):
Stupid punishment.
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{\an8}I hate hard work,
unless it's on pranks.
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{\an8}Shiny enough to see
Skinner's ugly face.
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00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:06,895
{\an8}(Bart screams)
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{\an8}Come with me.
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00:03:10,481 --> 00:03:12,025
{\an8}I'll grill your cheese yet, boy.
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{\an8}You weren't the first prankster
to destroy
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{\an8}the car I rent from mother,
and you won't be the last.
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00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:17,864
{\an8}-"Rent"?
-Rent to own.
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00:03:17,947 --> 00:03:19,866
{\an8}Just 35 more payments,
and it's halfway mine.
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00:03:19,949 --> 00:03:22,452
{\an8}The point is, I've seen
hooligans like you come and go.
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00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:24,913
{\an8}You're all just a big blur
of short pants
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{\an8}and sinister smiles.
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{\an8}Well, maybe so,
but I'm the best.
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{\an8}(chuckles)
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{\an8}The best of your era, maybe.
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00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:33,755
{\an8}Are you saying
was worse than me?
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{\an8}(scoffs):
Way worse.
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00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:36,507
{\an8}Anyway, think
no more about it.
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{\an8}You're dismissed.
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00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:39,135
{\an8}Wait! Wait!
If there's someone worse,
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{\an8}I have to know who he is.
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{\an8}"He"?
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00:03:41,846 --> 00:03:42,722
{\an8}It's a she?
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{\an8}Just kidding,
it's a guy.
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{\an8}(both laughing)
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{\an8}But let's not dwell
on a mysterious figure
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00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:50,063
{\an8}from the past who was
your superior in every way.
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{\an8}Out you go.
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{\an8}Milhouse, there was
a guy who pulled
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{\an8}even bigger pranks
than me!
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00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:01,824
{\an8}Wow! Imagine his sidekick.
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{\an8}(growling)
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{\an8}(inhales)
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{\an8}Man, if he lost
that giant inhaler,
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00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:14,504
{\an8}he'd really be in trouble
with his parents.
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MARGE:
Hmm.
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KIDS (on tape):
♪ Tubs are for bath-time
and water is splashy fun ♪
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♪ But there's one thing
that must never be done ♪
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MARGE (singing along with tape):
♪ Poop in the tub ♪
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♪ Poop in the tub ♪
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♪ I'm not gonna
poop in the tub. ♪
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MARGE:
Okay, everyone!
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00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:36,734
Snack time!
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{\an8}I've got milk and cookies.
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{\an8}-Hydroxeos?!
-(all gasping)
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00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:42,824
{\an8}Marge, how could you?!
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00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:45,368
{\an8}Those cookies are full of
high fructose corn syrup
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00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:47,328
{\an8}and partially
hydrogenated oils.
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00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:49,747
{\an8}Have you even read
the books I've read?
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00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:51,207
{\an8}But this is
from the Kwik-E-Mart.
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00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,834
{\an8}You and your husband
work there.
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00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:55,670
{\an8}I would sooner pour
the polluted water of the Ganges
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00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:57,630
{\an8}down their gullets than give
them this carton
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{\an8}of cow cancer
you call "milk."
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00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:02,218
{\an8}Sorry. I didn't know.
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00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:05,013
{\an8}Marge, until you start
serving healthy food,
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{\an8}the Midday Mommies are
pulling you from snack rotation.
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{\an8}(gasps)
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{\an8}SELMA:
Hydrogenated, ugh!
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{\an8}Mm-hmm.
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{\an8}A prankster that awesome
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{\an8}must've made
the school paper.
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00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,033
{\an8}Hmm. Lis,
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00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:26,534
{\an8}I just discovered
something weird.
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{\an8}Ten years ago,
this paper didn't publish
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00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,663
{\an8}for two whole weeks.
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00:05:33,916 --> 00:05:36,127
{\an8}Now, before the gap,
look at Skinner.
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00:05:37,086 --> 00:05:39,088
{\an8}LISA:
Hmm.
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00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,174
{\an8}And here he is
after the gap.
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00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,385
(Lisa groans)
122
00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:47,138
Hmm, something must've
happened during those two weeks
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00:05:47,221 --> 00:05:50,933
to turn Skinner from cool to,
as you would say, "tool."
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I know what happened:
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the ultimate prank.
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A prank that changed
Skinner from cool to tool.
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00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:00,443
Is that a backhoe
behind him?
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00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:01,819
Huh.
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00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:03,112
It is!
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00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,365
-Zoom in and enhance.
-Mm.
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Willie!
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He must know the answer.
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00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:11,329
Before you go,
can you distribute
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these newspapers
throughout the school?
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00:06:12,955 --> 00:06:15,917
Well, I'd be a pretty
lousy brother if I didn't.
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00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:19,670
Willie, I know
you witnessed
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00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:21,756
the most awesome prank
since creation.
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00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:23,049
Can you tell me about it?
139
00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:24,884
I'll nae speak to ye
140
00:06:24,967 --> 00:06:27,512
of those dark times,
Bart Simpson.
141
00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:29,889
But if there was
a more awesome dude than I,
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00:06:29,972 --> 00:06:32,558
I've got to know who he was,
what he did
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00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:34,352
and how many days
detention he got.
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00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:35,895
Something happened.
145
00:06:35,978 --> 00:06:38,731
Something that changed
Skinner and you.
146
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,233
I haven't changed!
147
00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:42,276
I've always been
Swim Teacher Willie
148
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and I always will be!
149
00:06:43,694 --> 00:06:45,113
See, oh...
150
00:06:45,196 --> 00:06:46,864
All right, I'll tell ya.
151
00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:49,951
Years ago,
this school had a pool.
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00:06:51,994 --> 00:06:54,914
I was an eager, young swim
coach, teaching American youth
153
00:06:54,997 --> 00:06:58,418
the revolutionary
Aberdeen crawl.
154
00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:00,086
It was a talented group,
and we were
155
00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:02,380
all set to go
to the state finals.
156
00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:05,341
I shaved and waxed
the boys myself.
157
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:09,971
Then came
the Night of the Wigglers.
158
00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:11,681
What an awesome day!
159
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:15,184
BOY:
Yo, Skin-man!
Little help?
160
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,644
Right back at you, Jason.
161
00:07:16,727 --> 00:07:18,438
-Stay in school.
-I will.
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00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:21,315
I am so stoked
for my daily swim.
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00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:22,817
(whistling)
164
00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:25,236
Had he stopped whistlin'
and looked down,
165
00:07:25,319 --> 00:07:27,530
the world wouldn't
have changed that night.
166
00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:30,950
But he didn't, and it did.
167
00:07:36,372 --> 00:07:38,916
Worms!
168
00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:44,130
(muffled screams)
169
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:59,479
(muffled protests)
170
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:02,690
He spent all weekend in that
crypt full of creepy-crawlies.
171
00:08:02,773 --> 00:08:04,525
Monday was
Teacher Development Day,
172
00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:07,862
so Skinner wasn't rescued
till Tuesday morn.
173
00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:12,950
And by then, he was the twisted
monster you see today.
174
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:16,621
Shut this pool down,
Groundskeeper Willie.
175
00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:19,832
Willie. Bart.
176
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:20,791
Monster.
177
00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:22,460
So my ass isn't the baddest
178
00:08:22,543 --> 00:08:23,878
in the history
of this school!
179
00:08:23,961 --> 00:08:24,879
Who did it, Willie?
180
00:08:24,962 --> 00:08:27,423
His name is Andy Hamilton.
181
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,675
Andy Hamilton.
182
00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:33,346
But whatever you do,
183
00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:36,224
never tell me where
you learned his name,
184
00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:38,684
or I'll kill
whoever told you!
185
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:45,691
Marge, what
are you doing?
186
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,152
This junk food has got to go.
187
00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:50,404
It's full of chemicals,
trans fats
188
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,740
and hard-pore corn.
189
00:08:52,823 --> 00:08:53,699
(gasps)
190
00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:54,992
No!
191
00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:00,915
Don't worry, my sweets!
192
00:09:00,998 --> 00:09:02,917
I'll put out the fire!
193
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,377
Homie, no!
194
00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:06,587
That topping
is a petroleum by-product!
195
00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:10,258
(screams)
196
00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:13,386
-(explosion)
-Ow!
197
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:18,599
"Andy Hamilton,
53 Hyperion Drive."
198
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:21,811
Bart, it's not
always a good idea
199
00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:22,937
to meet your hero.
200
00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:25,565
I once followed Santa home
from the department store,
201
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:28,234
and what I saw
wasn't pretty.
202
00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:29,986
I can't live my life,
knowing there might be
203
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:32,613
someone better than me
at the one thing I'm good at.
204
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:33,781
(doorbell rings)
205
00:09:33,864 --> 00:09:36,242
ANDY:
Entré and partay!
206
00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:38,828
(grunts)
207
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:40,121
Krazy Glue!
208
00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:42,290
Bart, you've been pranked!
209
00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:43,916
Eh, it needs a topper.
210
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,876
And look, some idiot
left glue loosener
211
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,503
just lying around!
212
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:53,843
Ah! Here it comes.
213
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:55,803
Ay, caramba!
214
00:09:55,886 --> 00:09:57,221
(groans)
215
00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:59,140
Man, it is an honor
216
00:09:59,223 --> 00:10:01,058
to meet the guy
who wormed Skinner.
217
00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:02,476
You know, when I was your age,
218
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,103
we couldn't film
our pranks for YouTube.
219
00:10:04,186 --> 00:10:05,438
It was local news or nothing.
220
00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:06,689
Potato chip?
221
00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:09,942
Hmm, wait a minute.
222
00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:11,819
Are there spring snakes
in this can?
223
00:10:11,902 --> 00:10:13,613
No, no-no, no-no, no-no.
Give me some credit.
224
00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:16,073
It's a real snake.
225
00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:17,074
-(snake hisses)
-Whoa!
226
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:19,035
Don't worry, it's defanged.
227
00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:20,328
(snake hisses, Milhouse screams)
228
00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:21,370
Although he can still
229
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:22,622
rub poison on you
with his gums.
230
00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:27,126
I would really wash
that arm if I were you.
231
00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:30,588
-Can I go home now?
-You should probably wait.
232
00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:32,632
You're going to be
very sleepy for the
next few hours.
233
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:34,050
Isn't this the best
day of your life?
234
00:10:35,926 --> 00:10:37,887
(shuddering)
235
00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:41,515
So, you want to be
236
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:44,018
Springfield Elementary's
next Andy Hamilton?
237
00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:47,229
Then you'll have to top
these awesome pranks.
238
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,148
The bear traps
in gym class.
239
00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:51,192
The fire in
the drinking fountain.
240
00:10:51,275 --> 00:10:53,027
And, of course,
the fake heart attack
241
00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:55,363
-on an international flight.
-(chuckles)
242
00:10:55,446 --> 00:10:58,366
They had to land
the plane in Nairobi!
243
00:10:58,449 --> 00:10:59,825
Some chick missed
her own wedding!
244
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:01,827
(clicking)
245
00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:04,038
I am impressed.
246
00:11:04,121 --> 00:11:07,375
-(clicking)
-(shivering)
247
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:10,294
BART:
Oh, Andy has the perfect life.
248
00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:11,921
All he does is reminisce
about his pranks.
249
00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:14,006
And when his mom
gets home from work,
250
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:15,633
she makes him whatever
sandwich he wants.
251
00:11:15,716 --> 00:11:16,967
(wan chuckle)
252
00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:18,928
This Andy sounds
like kind of a loser.
253
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:21,055
How could someone so
much like me be a loser?
254
00:11:21,138 --> 00:11:22,973
♪ Loser! ♪
255
00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:24,600
Would a loser have showed me
256
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,061
how to put printer's ink
in a bottle of shampoo?
257
00:11:27,144 --> 00:11:29,689
I've never felt so clean!
258
00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:31,357
♪ A loo-oo-ooser! ♪
259
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,401
Yeah, but, uh, uh...
260
00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:36,320
Dad, Lisa's making me see
things from both sides again!
261
00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:38,114
HOMER: Lisa, I warned
you about that!
262
00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:40,324
Shouldn't Bart have all
the information he needs
263
00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:41,575
to make an informed decision?
264
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,494
Well,you...
265
00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:45,246
Now you're doing
it to me!
266
00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:46,622
Oh!
267
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,583
Mom, what would you do
268
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:51,836
if someone you cared
about might be a loser,
269
00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:53,295
but they thought
they were awesome?
270
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:55,047
Are you talking
about your father?
271
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:56,799
That loser? No.
272
00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:59,677
I'm talking about this guy who's
19 and never really grew up.
273
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,053
Well, when you care
about someone,
274
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,973
it's not out of line
to give them a gentle push
275
00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:05,224
in the right direction.
276
00:12:05,307 --> 00:12:07,101
Got it. Did you
wash those carrots?
277
00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:08,018
(scoffs)
278
00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:09,603
No.
279
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:10,855
(sighs)
280
00:12:10,938 --> 00:12:13,065
You could have washed them
after you cut them,
281
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:14,483
but now they're
done for.
282
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:15,901
(sighing):
Oh!
283
00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:19,947
Well, I don't like the looks
of this place, Marge.
284
00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:23,409
I don't see any standees
for chips, standees for soda.
285
00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:25,786
I don't see any standees at all!
286
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:28,581
From now on, our family
is eating healthy food
287
00:12:28,664 --> 00:12:31,876
that looks bad on the shelf,
but good in our colon.
288
00:12:31,959 --> 00:12:34,003
Why is that man
carrying a purse?
289
00:12:34,086 --> 00:12:35,546
That's a reusable
grocery bag.
290
00:12:35,629 --> 00:12:37,131
This store doesn't
use plastic bags,
291
00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:39,049
because they end
up in the ocean
292
00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:41,010
and upset jellyfish
mating rituals.
293
00:12:41,093 --> 00:12:44,805
Stupid horny jellyfish--
neutering our dudes.
294
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:48,434
Hmm.
295
00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:50,561
Almond butter,
soy milk,
296
00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:52,521
non-soy dairy-based
soy sauce,
297
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:53,898
steel-cut spelt husk,
298
00:12:53,981 --> 00:12:57,026
Chef Soy-ar-dee soy-based
spaghetti and soy balls,
299
00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:58,569
free-range gluten,
300
00:12:58,652 --> 00:13:00,154
ultra-vegan
invisible cheese...
301
00:13:00,237 --> 00:13:01,322
You know, you don't have
302
00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:02,531
to read the items aloud.
303
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:03,657
I know what they are.
304
00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:06,952
Okay, that comes to $790.
305
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,579
800 bucks?!
306
00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:10,831
Oh, wait. I didn't see
these blueberries.
307
00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:12,291
$830.
308
00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:13,626
Fine, but we're going
309
00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:15,503
to a regular grocery store
next week.
310
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:16,879
A week?
311
00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:19,048
Without preservatives,
this food won't last a day.
312
00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:21,342
Look.
313
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:23,886
Oh!
314
00:13:25,429 --> 00:13:27,973
(laughs)
315
00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:29,517
Huh.
316
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,019
Well, I guess, uh,
they can go either way.
317
00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:33,979
(horns honking)
318
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:35,397
(car crashing)
319
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:36,607
WIGGUM:
Oh, God!
320
00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:38,150
Oh, I'm in
horrible pain!
321
00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,820
(laughs)
322
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:41,779
(sighs)
323
00:13:41,862 --> 00:13:44,031
Andy, man,
is this the way
324
00:13:44,114 --> 00:13:46,283
you want to spend
the rest of your life?
325
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:49,078
Having to borrow spray paint
from a ten-year-old kid?
326
00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:50,454
I told you, okay?
327
00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:53,040
I'll pay you back when
I get my allowance.
328
00:13:53,123 --> 00:13:55,751
I mean, not this one,
but the one after next.
329
00:13:56,794 --> 00:13:58,295
Oh, God,
you're right.
330
00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:00,589
Look, I think
I can get you a job.
331
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:01,966
Krusty owes me a favor
332
00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:04,552
after I perjured myself for him
during a deposition.
333
00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:06,887
You would get me a job?
Thank you, man.
334
00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:09,265
Um, I would keep that on
for the interview.
335
00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:11,559
(horn honking)
336
00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:16,647
Hey, hey, if it isn't
my old friend... you!
337
00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:18,190
Krusty, I need a favor.
338
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:19,608
For you kid, anything,
339
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,110
anything at all!
340
00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:22,069
Although I won't
read screenplays.
341
00:14:22,152 --> 00:14:23,237
That's for your protection.
342
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,447
Oh, and you can't ride
on my private jet.
343
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:28,117
And I won't give a struggling
young comic his first chance,
344
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,452
I won't give a broken-down hack
his last chance,
345
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,121
I won't buy you kids booze.
346
00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:34,123
The judge was very clear
on that.
347
00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:35,749
Now, what can I do for you?
348
00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:37,918
Oh, and I don't sign footballs
unless you're dying,
349
00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:40,754
and it reverts back to me after
six months if you're not dead.
350
00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:42,256
(horn honks)
351
00:14:42,339 --> 00:14:43,966
As my new second assistant,
352
00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:47,094
you've got to drive me
from my office to the stage,
353
00:14:47,177 --> 00:14:50,014
and if you see anybody
I've screwed over on the way,
354
00:14:50,097 --> 00:14:51,140
avoid them!
355
00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:52,182
Whoa! Ex-wife!
356
00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:53,392
Former writing partner!
357
00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:54,560
Bookie!
358
00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:56,729
Dog I abandoned!
A.A. sponsor!
359
00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:57,771
Love child!
360
00:14:57,855 --> 00:14:59,106
-Tiddly.
-Wink.
361
00:14:59,189 --> 00:15:00,441
Tiddly.
362
00:15:00,524 --> 00:15:02,735
Wink. Didn't Andy
start work today?
363
00:15:02,818 --> 00:15:03,861
Yes. Tiddly.
364
00:15:03,944 --> 00:15:06,030
Then why is he standing
in our driveway?
365
00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:07,281
Wink.
366
00:15:07,364 --> 00:15:09,783
You're supposed
to be at work!
367
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:12,536
I tried, man, but he was, like,
"Do this thing."
368
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:14,038
And I'm, like, "Why, dude?"
369
00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:15,289
And he's, like, "I'm your boss!"
370
00:15:15,372 --> 00:15:16,999
And I'm, like, "I quit."
371
00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:19,335
Then you're, like, "You're
supposed to be at work, man."
372
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:20,502
Then I'm, like, "What?"
373
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:21,921
You quit after one day?
374
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,005
Yeah.
375
00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:24,632
But today wasn't
a total loss.
376
00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:26,383
On the way home,
I got this--
377
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:28,761
an ice cube with
a fly in it.
378
00:15:28,844 --> 00:15:30,054
If that was in your drink,
379
00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:31,388
you'd be, like,
"I'm not drinking that!"
380
00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:34,183
I stuck my neck out for you,
and you screwed it up!
381
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:35,351
(bicycle bell dings twice)
382
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:36,518
We're not losers!
383
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:38,562
No, you two
are winners.
384
00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:39,813
Big winners.
385
00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:40,814
When I grow up,
386
00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:44,109
I want to marry a big
winner like you guys.
387
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:45,611
Shut up!
388
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:51,700
♪ Doggies and kitties
don't last forever ♪
389
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:55,245
♪ But they do a lot better
than fish! ♪
390
00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:59,166
♪ Flush, flush, fish,
fish, fish, flush... ♪
391
00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:00,876
It's healthy
snack time!
392
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,044
Is it?
393
00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:03,879
We've got sulfite-free
grape juice
394
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,090
and homemade, organic,
non-gluten,
395
00:16:06,173 --> 00:16:08,384
fair-trade zucchini cupcakes!
396
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:09,426
-Oh!
-Oh!
397
00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:11,011
They don't rise by themselves,
398
00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:12,638
so I was up all night
399
00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:14,682
blowing air bubbles into them
with a straw.
400
00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:16,809
Mmm! Delicious!
401
00:16:16,892 --> 00:16:20,020
What percent milk fat
unsalted butter did you use
402
00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:21,355
to grease the cupcake tray?
403
00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:22,982
None percent.
404
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:24,775
I used a nonstick pan.
405
00:16:24,858 --> 00:16:27,987
(all retching)
406
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:31,448
Don't you know that nonstick
pans are made with P.F.O.A.s?
407
00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:33,784
Oh, boy, here it comes.
408
00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:37,371
There is only one thing more
dangerous than P.F.O.A.s, Marge.
409
00:16:37,454 --> 00:16:39,164
Plastics made with B.P.A.s.
410
00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:43,043
Never, ever let your child near
any product with the number...
411
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,130
Seven!
412
00:16:46,213 --> 00:16:50,092
Good Lord,
they've been sucking seven! Oh!
413
00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:01,520
(siren blaring)
414
00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:06,692
(groans)
415
00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:09,945
All right, Andy.
416
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,655
It was not easy
to get your job back.
417
00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:13,198
You did me a solid, man.
418
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:15,617
And I promise you,
I will not leave this job
419
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:18,078
unless I flake
or it becomes bogus.
420
00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:19,788
No, that's not
good enough.
421
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,832
I want you to shake my hand
as a fellow prankster
422
00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:24,001
and swear you will
try your best.
423
00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:25,085
-Psych!
-Psych!
424
00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:26,211
We have a deal.
425
00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:27,838
(humming)
426
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,008
Marge?
427
00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:32,718
Sorry I'm late.
I was working overtime,
428
00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:35,095
so we'd have extra money
to buy fruit salad.
429
00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:40,017
-Honey, what are you doing?
-Hmm?
430
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:41,393
Nothing!
431
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:43,812
(swallows) Nothing!
432
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,564
It's okay.
You can tell me.
433
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:49,068
I found your stash.
434
00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:50,402
(gasps)
435
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:54,782
You found the precious!
436
00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:56,825
I know, I know.
437
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,744
I've eaten
your trans fats,
438
00:17:58,827 --> 00:18:00,079
your red dye number two.
439
00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:01,705
Even this!
440
00:18:02,998 --> 00:18:05,000
Oh, Marge, I'm seeing
441
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:08,087
a brand-new
side of you-- me.
442
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:11,006
(Homer and Marge laughing)
443
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,300
More Lard Glug, my sweet?
444
00:18:13,383 --> 00:18:15,469
I never want to stop.
445
00:18:15,552 --> 00:18:17,179
Did you know
that Lard Glug
446
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:19,765
contains neither
lard nor glug?
447
00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:20,974
From now on,
448
00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:24,228
we'll only make
the kids eat healthy.
449
00:18:24,311 --> 00:18:26,772
I can't believe
Andy's lasted a week.
450
00:18:26,855 --> 00:18:28,774
Yeah, to congratulate him,
I got him the most
451
00:18:28,857 --> 00:18:30,776
grown-up thing I could
think of: a Caesar salad.
452
00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:34,404
Excuse me, I'm looking
for Stage 6.
453
00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:37,574
I've got a delivery
for a Mr. Andy Hamilton.
454
00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:39,409
-Right over there.
-Oh, thank you.
455
00:18:41,328 --> 00:18:43,080
(gasps)
456
00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:53,382
(bell ringing)
457
00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:57,010
Louie, have you
seen Andy?
458
00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:58,762
I think he's gonna
ruin the show!
459
00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:00,806
Eh, he's about
20 seasons too late.
460
00:19:00,889 --> 00:19:03,225
(laughing)
461
00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:05,477
(coughing)
462
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:08,772
(gasps)
463
00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:14,319
(drumroll)
464
00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:16,446
Now, to dive in this pool
465
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:17,739
of clear, blue water.
466
00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:19,867
(gasps)
467
00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:28,625
(Krusty yelps)
468
00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:30,002
Put me down!
469
00:19:30,085 --> 00:19:31,003
You're ruining the bit!
470
00:19:31,086 --> 00:19:32,880
No! I won't see you end up
471
00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:35,465
like Skinner,
twisted and deranged.
472
00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:37,426
Watch the Krusty Show,
they tell me.
473
00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:39,428
You'll forget your troubles,
they tell me.
474
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:41,221
Uh, how much
do you weigh?
475
00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:43,765
Oh, 180, maybe 190.
476
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:46,393
Plus I'm wearing about 30
pounds of pancake makeup
477
00:19:46,476 --> 00:19:48,645
and I'm always packing heat.
478
00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:51,023
Plus the owner's manual
for my Cadillac.
479
00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:52,524
(straining)
480
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:54,568
(screaming)
481
00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:57,446
(gasping)
482
00:20:01,825 --> 00:20:05,704
I wanted warm water,
not worm water.
483
00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:08,457
(audience laughing)
484
00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:12,628
What's going on?
485
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:13,837
Krusty needed a bit.
486
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:15,464
And I got a great one.
487
00:20:15,547 --> 00:20:18,383
Thanks to my new
head writer, Andy Hamilton.
488
00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:19,551
(Krusty laughs)
489
00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:22,012
Bart, thank you for believing
I could grow up.
490
00:20:22,095 --> 00:20:23,931
My pranking days
are over, for good.
491
00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:25,682
What's gotten into you, man?
492
00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:27,976
Andrew, I wanted
to show you something
493
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:30,437
in the make-out room--
uh, makeup room.
494
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:32,064
I'll be right there
in a minute, babe.
495
00:20:33,523 --> 00:20:36,026
Looks like I just bought
some property on Boner Way.
496
00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:39,029
So now Andy's a TV writer.
497
00:20:39,112 --> 00:20:40,948
Loser.
498
00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:45,535
♪ Loser, loser. ♪
499
00:20:45,619 --> 00:20:46,828
Loser!
500
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:28,662
Shh!
501
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:33,292
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