1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,422 CHORUS SINGS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:07,215 (squawks) 3 00:00:08,633 --> 00:00:09,467 D'oh! 4 00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:11,511 (grunts) 5 00:00:12,387 --> 00:00:15,348 (disco music playing) 6 00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:17,767 {\an8}Hey! 7 00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:28,778 {\an8}Hello, everybody. 8 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,780 {\an8}Welcome to Under the Wrapper, 9 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:34,284 {\an8}where I, Huell Howser, apply the art of detection 10 00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:36,119 {\an8}to your favorite confections. 11 00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:38,997 {\an8}Now, here's some opening titles to sweeten the deal. 12 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,957 {\an8}(whimsical music plays) 13 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,084 {\an8}Hey! Aah! 14 00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,135 {\an8}Wow! 15 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,387 {\an8}Now, we've seen how cookies crumble 16 00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:56,431 {\an8}and soda gets its pop, 17 00:00:56,514 --> 00:00:57,974 {\an8}so let's take a close-up look 18 00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:01,561 {\an8}at America's favorite drop-- the gumdrop! 19 00:01:01,644 --> 00:01:02,645 {\an8}Ooh! 20 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:04,689 {\an8}Every gumdrop is made 21 00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:06,733 {\an8}of a succulent substance called gelatin. 22 00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:07,609 {\an8}Amazing. 23 00:01:07,692 --> 00:01:09,527 {\an8}Gelatin comes from the skin, 24 00:01:09,611 --> 00:01:12,614 {\an8}bones and hooves of only the sickest horses. 25 00:01:12,697 --> 00:01:13,615 {\an8}(gasps) 26 00:01:13,698 --> 00:01:15,575 {\an8}HOWSER: That's amazing. 27 00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:17,660 {\an8}-(shrieking) -Change it! Change it! 28 00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:18,870 {\an8}(TV's volume increases) 29 00:01:18,953 --> 00:01:20,205 You just increased the volume! 30 00:01:20,288 --> 00:01:21,372 (whimpering) 31 00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:22,290 (whinnying) 32 00:01:22,373 --> 00:01:23,291 (applause) 33 00:01:23,374 --> 00:01:24,209 (both sigh) 34 00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:25,168 {\an8}ANNOUNCER: Welcome back 35 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:28,421 {\an8}to the 62nd annual Creative Arts Emmy Awards. 36 00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:29,464 {\an8}(both yell) 37 00:01:29,547 --> 00:01:31,508 {\an8}In Outstanding Lighting Direction, 38 00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,176 {\an8}Electronic, Multi-camera 39 00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:36,262 {\an8}for Variety, Music or Comedy Programming, 40 00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:38,389 {\an8}we have... a three-way tie! 41 00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:41,893 {\an8}(orchestra plays) 42 00:01:41,976 --> 00:01:43,394 {\an8}Back to the horses. Back to the horses! 43 00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:44,687 {\an8}-God... -(whinnying) 44 00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:47,065 {\an8}(wind whistling) 45 00:01:47,148 --> 00:01:49,234 {\an8}Gee, Lisa, looks like tomorrow 46 00:01:49,317 --> 00:01:52,821 {\an8}I'll be shoveling ten feet of global warming. 47 00:01:52,904 --> 00:01:55,323 {\an8}Global warming can cause weather 48 00:01:55,406 --> 00:01:57,742 {\an8}at both extremes-- hot and cold. 49 00:01:57,826 --> 00:02:01,121 {\an8}I see. So you're saying warming makes it colder. 50 00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:03,414 {\an8}Well, aren't you the Queen of Crazyland? 51 00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:06,126 {\an8}Everything's the opposite of everything. 52 00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:07,377 {\an8}♪ La-de-da-de-da! ♪ 53 00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:08,670 {\an8}I'm Lisa Simpson. 54 00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:10,130 {\an8}♪ La-de-da-de-da ♪ 55 00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:11,631 {\an8}-♪ De-da-de-da-la-la ♪ -Really? Really? 56 00:02:11,714 --> 00:02:13,383 {\an8}-♪ La-la, la-la... ♪ -Uh-huh, all right. 57 00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:17,262 {\an8}(Homer singing) 58 00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:19,514 {\an8}(whip cracking) 59 00:02:19,597 --> 00:02:22,517 {\an8}Mush, nerds, mush! 60 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,352 {\an8}I'm part of a team! 61 00:02:24,435 --> 00:02:28,857 {\an8}Oh, look how the snow glistens on the tiniest branches. 62 00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:30,900 {\an8}Yeah, yeah, miracles are all around us. 63 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:33,236 {\an8}Now, please. I am trying to hear the school closings. 64 00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:35,822 {\an8}SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS: The following schools are closed. 65 00:02:35,905 --> 00:02:38,241 {\an8}Springfield High School, Springfield Middle School, 66 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:39,742 {\an8}Springfield El... 67 00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:40,869 {\an8}(gasps) 68 00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:43,204 {\an8}...Excelente Spanish Language School. 69 00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:44,455 {\an8}Oh! 70 00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:46,082 {\an8}-Springfield Element... -(gasps) 71 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,835 {\an8}...al Center for Periodic Table Studies. 72 00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:49,794 {\an8}Oh! 73 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,212 {\an8}Springfield Elementary Sc... 74 00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:52,130 {\an8}(gasps) 75 00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:53,548 {\an8}...uba Diving Academy. 76 00:02:53,631 --> 00:02:55,425 {\an8}Oh, for crying out loud! 77 00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:58,511 {\an8}And of course, Springfield Elementary is closed. 78 00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:01,139 {\an8}We were just messing with Bart Simpson. 79 00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:02,390 (both laughing) 80 00:03:02,473 --> 00:03:04,017 I've got one. 81 00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:06,394 Springfield El... bow Macaroni Factory. 82 00:03:06,477 --> 00:03:07,645 (laughs) 83 00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,272 (mocking laughter) 84 00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:12,358 Skinner! What factory makes just one kind of pasta? 85 00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:14,903 Uh, well, I just thought, uh, 86 00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:17,280 specialization being the wave of the future? 87 00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:19,073 Uh, probably, uh... 88 00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:20,408 Snow day! 89 00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:21,492 (wind whistling) 90 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,121 What the...? 91 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,707 (wind whistling) 92 00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:28,625 (grunts) 93 00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:31,961 (wind whistling, Bart gasps) 94 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:37,175 What a smart way to spend a snowy day. 95 00:03:37,258 --> 00:03:38,676 Good grief. 96 00:03:42,847 --> 00:03:46,351 (suspenseful music plays) 97 00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:48,311 Headshot! Headshot! 98 00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:49,437 Oh, right in the carrot. 99 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,022 -Headshot. -(whirring down) 100 00:03:51,105 --> 00:03:52,857 Huh? 101 00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:55,902 A branch must have knocked out the power lines. 102 00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:57,445 Fine. I'll see what's on TV. 103 00:03:57,528 --> 00:03:59,864 (clicking) 104 00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:02,033 That runs on electricity, also. 105 00:04:02,116 --> 00:04:04,160 All right, I'll watch a DVD. 106 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,120 There's no way that runs on electricity. 107 00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:07,622 (groans) 108 00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:09,916 Really? Does Obama know about this? 109 00:04:09,999 --> 00:04:11,334 (wind whistling) 110 00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:12,543 (squeaking) 111 00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:13,878 (suspenseful note plays) 112 00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:16,130 (note plays) 113 00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:18,132 (note plays) 114 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,802 (note plays) 115 00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:23,012 (note plays, squeaking) 116 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,640 I can't believe this is how pilgrims lived. 117 00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:27,225 (techno music plays) 118 00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:28,142 Huh? 119 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,145 (English accent): When Maggie's night-light goes out, 120 00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:33,064 her onesie becomes a funsie. 121 00:04:33,147 --> 00:04:36,276 This announcer has never seen diapers so dapper. 122 00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:38,194 What do you want? 123 00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:41,030 I... want to play with you guys. 124 00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:44,492 Fine. Get this on in two minutes, lose the attitude, 125 00:04:44,575 --> 00:04:46,327 and for God's sake, suck in that pooch. 126 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:48,579 Go, go, go! 127 00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:52,417 (English accent): And now, making his debut on the catwalk, 128 00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:54,043 Bartholomew! 129 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,253 Belt is by Twizzler, 130 00:04:55,336 --> 00:04:56,963 vest courtesy of Nelson, 131 00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:59,257 tights are by Hello Kitty... 132 00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:00,091 Hello Kitty? 133 00:05:00,174 --> 00:05:01,676 I thought they were Spider-Man heads. 134 00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:02,844 Ew! Ew! Ew! 135 00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:04,345 (laughs) 136 00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:06,556 Oh! Stupid shoes over tights! 137 00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:08,599 Why did I want to play with a couple 138 00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:09,976 of lame-o girls? 139 00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:11,102 (grunting) 140 00:05:11,185 --> 00:05:12,645 Because you envy us. 141 00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:16,399 Maggie and I share the deepest bond there is: sisterhood. 142 00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:18,109 We'll be closer than best friends 143 00:05:18,192 --> 00:05:19,777 for the rest of our lives. 144 00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:21,612 But you'll never know what that's like, 145 00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:24,032 because you won't ever have a brother. 146 00:05:24,115 --> 00:05:25,867 I don't need a brother. 147 00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:27,702 I'm a bad ass loner like Wolverine, 148 00:05:27,785 --> 00:05:29,871 who leaves whenever people beg him not to leave. 149 00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:33,624 (laughs) 150 00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:37,879 "'Off with their heads!' said the Red Queen." 151 00:05:37,962 --> 00:05:39,547 Now, pull the tab. 152 00:05:39,630 --> 00:05:45,219 More. 153 00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:48,765 -(happy shriek) -(laughing) 154 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:59,067 (grunting) 155 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:00,985 Oh, I don't need a brother, 156 00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:03,613 and no dream will convince me I do. 157 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:07,575 ♪ Come on, people, now, smile on your brother ♪ 158 00:06:07,658 --> 00:06:09,494 ♪ Everybody get together ♪ 159 00:06:09,577 --> 00:06:14,415 ♪ Try to love one another right now. ♪ 160 00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:18,211 (computerized chirps and dings) 161 00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:21,255 (coughing) 162 00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:32,350 I want a turn! I want a turn! 163 00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:33,559 You've got the bike. 164 00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:35,478 It's not the same. 165 00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:38,940 That's a perfect spiral, Eli. 166 00:06:39,023 --> 00:06:40,817 Winning a Super Bowl just doesn't compare 167 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:43,361 to chucking the ball around with my brother. 168 00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:44,904 It's easy being a winner in the pros. 169 00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:47,115 Try winning two high school basketball championships 170 00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:48,241 like I did. 171 00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:49,409 Good for you, Squirt. 172 00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:50,618 I'm the oldest! 173 00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:52,328 (sing-songy): Keep away from Cooper! 174 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,621 Hey. (whimpers) 175 00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:56,290 -(laughing) -(laughing) 176 00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:59,877 ♪ Boil that cabbage down, boys, turn that hoecake 'round ♪ 177 00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:03,464 ♪ Only song I ever did sing, boil that cabbage down. ♪ 178 00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:05,049 Why'd you stop? 179 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:07,218 I-I... I just... I just wanted to say something. 180 00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:08,761 -What? -Dick? 181 00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:10,263 -Yes? -You-You're my brother, and... 182 00:07:10,346 --> 00:07:11,472 (laughs) ...I love you. 183 00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,266 Well, I love you, too, Tom. 184 00:07:13,349 --> 00:07:14,267 Thank you very much. 185 00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:15,726 But if you hadn't fought CBS, 186 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:17,770 they would never have fired us from our show. 187 00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:19,188 Oh, they-they didn't fire us, Dick. 188 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,857 -They didn't? -We quit. 189 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,608 We did not quit. They fired us. 190 00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:23,818 You... You were fired. 191 00:07:23,901 --> 00:07:25,403 They fired us from the show. 192 00:07:25,486 --> 00:07:27,196 No, they fired you. 193 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:28,489 They didn't fire me. 194 00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:29,699 Why wouldn't they fire you? 195 00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:31,784 Because they can't fire... 196 00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:34,120 the yo-yo master! 197 00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:36,164 And here is "shoot the moon." 198 00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:37,665 I'm so cool. 199 00:07:37,748 --> 00:07:39,375 (man yells, explosion) 200 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,877 Now look what you've done. 201 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,962 Bart was having a perfectly nice dream 202 00:07:43,045 --> 00:07:44,714 about brothers, and you ruined it. 203 00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:46,632 Yeah? Well, huh. 204 00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:50,595 ♪ Boil that cabbage ♪ 205 00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:54,098 -♪ Down... ♪ -♪ Boil, boil, boil, boil, boil, boil, boil, boil ♪ 206 00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:57,101 BOTH: ♪ Down. ♪ 207 00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:58,019 (song ends) 208 00:07:59,228 --> 00:08:02,064 Oh, my God, I want a brother! 209 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:04,275 You can have mine, but he's kind of an idiot. 210 00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:06,777 -D'oh! -(laughs) 211 00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:13,367 Dad, I want a baby brother. 212 00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:14,494 (laughs) 213 00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:16,329 Son, I love you kids. 214 00:08:16,412 --> 00:08:17,997 But I'm only going to the hospital 215 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,166 one more time in my life, and I ain't coming out. 216 00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:21,542 Lisa got a sister. 217 00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:22,960 Why can't you have another boy? 218 00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,170 Girls are easy. 219 00:08:24,253 --> 00:08:25,630 Girls love Daddy. 220 00:08:25,713 --> 00:08:27,965 Girls make birthday cards with glitter on them. 221 00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:29,550 Girls can marry a hockey player 222 00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:31,302 and get me seats to hockey games. 223 00:08:31,385 --> 00:08:33,179 Girls don't steal my knives... 224 00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:36,182 ...and I don't have to tell girls how their bodies work, 225 00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:38,184 'cause I don't know. 226 00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:40,228 You never told me how my body works. 227 00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:42,605 Point and shoot. 228 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,901 My dad is such a jerk. 229 00:08:46,984 --> 00:08:49,153 I want a baby brother, and he said no. 230 00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:51,906 Maybe you could trick your parents into making a baby 231 00:08:51,989 --> 00:08:54,242 the way my Mom nearly tricked Charles Barkley. 232 00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:56,160 Trick 'em. I like it. 233 00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:57,245 But how? 234 00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:59,205 (high-pitched muttering) 235 00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:00,289 A romantic dinner? 236 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:03,209 That's a great idea! 237 00:09:03,292 --> 00:09:05,503 -(thump) -Oh, my God! 238 00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:07,213 -I killed Kenny! -Ralph. 239 00:09:07,296 --> 00:09:09,340 No, I killed Kenny yesterday. 240 00:09:09,423 --> 00:09:10,341 What did I do now? 241 00:09:10,424 --> 00:09:12,301 (classical music playing) 242 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:16,097 Do I smell tarragon-crusted Atlantic salmon? 243 00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:20,726 Bart's cooked us a five-course romantic dinner. 244 00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:23,104 You had me at "five-course," 245 00:09:23,187 --> 00:09:26,148 you lost me at "romantic," and you got me back at "dinner." 246 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,775 (laughs) 247 00:09:29,318 --> 00:09:32,655 Oh, what a lovely evening. 248 00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:35,157 And it's not over yet. 249 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,034 Oh. (giggles) 250 00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:39,287 Hope you saved room for passion fruit soufflé 251 00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:41,122 with crème anglaise for two. 252 00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:43,291 And one for Mom. 253 00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:44,667 (both gasping) 254 00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:46,502 There comes a time in every marriage 255 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,004 when it comes down to this. 256 00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:50,798 Do we eat dessert, or do we make love? 257 00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:52,216 Maybe we could do both. 258 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:53,134 Yeah! 259 00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:56,262 (both groaning) 260 00:09:56,345 --> 00:09:58,055 We couldn't do both. 261 00:09:58,139 --> 00:10:00,182 No... we could not. 262 00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:03,686 (grunts) 263 00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:10,067 Are you sure this'll work? 264 00:10:10,151 --> 00:10:13,821 Hey, this is the DVD my parents used to make me. 265 00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:15,990 So it kind of works. 266 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,702 Homer Simpson, 267 00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:22,830 look what the snuggle fairy left in our DVD player. 268 00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:26,500 Hmm. People in other countries make love? 269 00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:27,793 It's about time. 270 00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:29,712 MARGE: Which position should we try? 271 00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:31,964 -(Indian music plays) -The Yawning Monkey? The Pair Of Tongs? 272 00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:33,674 Ooh, look. Congress Of The Crow! 273 00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:35,134 Okay! 274 00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:38,721 HOMER: All right, all right, um, your ankle goes there... 275 00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:41,515 MARGE: Uh-huh, and now hand me your neck. 276 00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:44,101 And turn that upside down. 277 00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:47,563 Mm-hmm, and swivel that till you hear a grinding noise. 278 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:48,981 Don't look at that. 279 00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:53,027 A few more minor adjustments, and... 280 00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:54,111 BOTH: Ow! 281 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,365 Ooh! Oh! 282 00:10:57,448 --> 00:10:59,909 More Vicodin and eggs, please. 283 00:11:02,244 --> 00:11:04,830 Um. (groans) 284 00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:07,291 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh. 285 00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:10,795 What do you want, Simpson? 286 00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,922 Can't you see we're busy hockin' loogs? 287 00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:14,215 (spitting) 288 00:11:14,298 --> 00:11:15,466 Nice loog! 289 00:11:15,549 --> 00:11:16,967 Wish I'd hocked that! 290 00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:18,678 Look, I want a baby brother, 291 00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:20,638 but I can't get my parents to do it. 292 00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:22,056 Here's the thing, Simpson. 293 00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:24,850 No matter how dead their relationship seems, 294 00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:28,312 all parents eventually commit the heinous act of love. 295 00:11:28,396 --> 00:11:29,897 Mine do it once a year 296 00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:31,941 on the magical day when the prison 297 00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:35,695 and the insane asylum have their annual mixer. 298 00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:38,364 What you've got to worry about is the pill. 299 00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:40,074 The pill? What's that? 300 00:11:40,157 --> 00:11:43,327 It's medicine doctors give moms to keep babies up in Heaven. 301 00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:45,871 Well, I need a baby now, and I'm not getting any younger! 302 00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,665 Then get rid of the pills. 303 00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:49,208 Got it. How can I thank you? 304 00:11:49,291 --> 00:11:50,918 Uh... give yourself a wedgie. 305 00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:52,753 -Don't you want to do it? -Can't. 306 00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:54,588 Carpal-nurple syndrome. 307 00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:56,298 The doctor said if I didn't take it easy, 308 00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:59,009 I might never shove a kid's face in the drinking fountain again. 309 00:11:59,093 --> 00:11:59,927 Scary. 310 00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,721 A wake-up call for all of us. 311 00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:03,848 ♪♪ 312 00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:07,184 Mom'll never know. 313 00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:15,443 -Bart Simpson! -(screams) 314 00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:18,028 Tac-Tics?! 315 00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:22,158 Bart, you've always been a handful, 316 00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:25,244 but you've never interfered with my reproductive freedom. 317 00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:26,537 Why now? 318 00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:28,456 I just wanted a baby brother, 319 00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:31,751 but Dad said I was one "Uday" who didn't need a "Qusay." 320 00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:34,503 I just wanted what Lisa and Maggie have. 321 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:37,131 Oh, Barty, I'm sorry. 322 00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:40,885 But your father and I think that three kids is just perfect. 323 00:12:40,968 --> 00:12:42,928 What about what I want? 324 00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,722 I'd help you take care of him. 325 00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:48,058 Remember those hamsters you were going to take care of? 326 00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:49,977 Oh, my God, the hamsters! 327 00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:53,105 And even if we did have another baby, 328 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:55,316 it might not be a boy. 329 00:12:55,399 --> 00:12:56,984 It might be another sister. 330 00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:58,861 Another sister?! 331 00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:00,821 ♪♪ 332 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:06,076 How could you possibly need all these clothes? 333 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,996 Shopping: it's the most fun you could have standing up. 334 00:13:09,079 --> 00:13:11,123 Hey, you didn't see what I cooked up 335 00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:13,042 in the galley of my last flight to London. 336 00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:16,629 They don't call it "Virgin" Airlines anymore. 337 00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:20,007 (laughing) 338 00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:21,967 (groans) 339 00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:23,135 You're right. 340 00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:24,720 I can't risk another girl. 341 00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,514 Use whatever birth control you want. 342 00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:28,474 It's your body. 343 00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:30,184 That's right! 344 00:13:30,267 --> 00:13:31,560 It is! 345 00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:35,147 One boy to go, please. 346 00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:36,565 Easy on the freckles. 347 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,359 A ten-year-old can't adopt a child. 348 00:13:38,442 --> 00:13:41,445 (laughs): Oh, you think he's for me! 349 00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:43,864 You know, the orphan is for my folks-- 350 00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,866 they can't have more kids. 351 00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:47,076 It is so sad-- 352 00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:49,995 a real-life Jaws bit off my dad's wiener. 353 00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,666 Come on, I'd be an awesome big brother! 354 00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:55,543 I've got video games! A tree house! 355 00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:58,879 A garage stuffed to the rafters with illegal fireworks! 356 00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:01,882 Oh, sweet Meerschaum, 357 00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:04,635 take me away. 358 00:14:04,718 --> 00:14:05,928 Uh-oh. 359 00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:07,930 I'm sorry, kid. It's not gonna happen. 360 00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:09,974 I'd give my brother everything I have! 361 00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:12,059 He could be the race car in Monopoly! 362 00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:14,061 (sobbing): Monopoly! 363 00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:17,106 The race car! 364 00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:23,946 Wake up! 365 00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:25,406 I'm Bart Simpson. 366 00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:26,657 Who the hell are you? 367 00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:28,242 I'm your new brother! 368 00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:29,410 Are you from the orphanage, 369 00:14:29,493 --> 00:14:31,328 or do I really not understand 370 00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:33,706 how babies are born? 371 00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:41,213 So, Charlie, how did you escape the island of misfit boys? 372 00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:42,756 Shinnied down a drainpipe. 373 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:44,967 You like to shinny? I like to shinny. 374 00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:46,927 Where do you see yourself in 20 years? 375 00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:49,179 One-armed drummer in a prison rock band. 376 00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:50,848 Nice! Favorite Beatle? 377 00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:51,682 Dung. 378 00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:52,975 Me, too! 379 00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:55,185 There must be some reason no one ever adopted you. 380 00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:56,770 Is one of your feet a hand? 381 00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:59,523 People only want to adopt babies. 382 00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:00,441 Babies? 383 00:15:00,524 --> 00:15:01,567 We've got one of those. 384 00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:03,068 (scoffs) Overrated. 385 00:15:05,112 --> 00:15:07,156 Shop it somewhere else, sister. 386 00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:10,075 (groans) 387 00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:13,120 (humming) 388 00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:20,210 Dad, this is Charlie, my new, um, 389 00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:21,962 -best friend. -Hello, sir. 390 00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:25,049 You're going to be seeing a lot of him around the house. 391 00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:26,216 Well, welcome, Charlie! 392 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:27,259 Nice to meet ya! 393 00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:29,470 No glasses-- way to go! 394 00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:31,805 (whispering): This one's a keeper! 395 00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:33,140 -(children playing) -BART: Yo! 396 00:15:33,223 --> 00:15:34,516 Check out my brother, Charlie! 397 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:35,809 Brother? 398 00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:37,061 What are you talking about? 399 00:15:37,144 --> 00:15:39,313 How come I've never seen him before? 400 00:15:39,396 --> 00:15:41,273 Uh, he was born with two noses 401 00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:42,483 and we hid him away 402 00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:43,859 till we could afford to cut one off. 403 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,235 Oh, yeah! 404 00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:46,236 -Yeah. -Two noses! 405 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,447 You deserve a brother, Bart. 406 00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:52,117 (crying): You deserve good things! 407 00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:56,497 ♪♪ 408 00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:02,252 When poking a dead animal, 409 00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:04,213 don't go straight for the eye. 410 00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:05,631 Build up to it. 411 00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:08,926 (doorbell ringing) 412 00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:12,596 (grunting) 413 00:16:14,598 --> 00:16:17,518 My son, afraid of water. 414 00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:21,814 (chomping) 415 00:16:21,897 --> 00:16:24,233 So, Lisa, how do you like sharing a bathroom 416 00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:25,401 with two brothers? 417 00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:26,694 Two brothers? 418 00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:27,945 Bart, who is this kid? 419 00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:30,155 Be cool, be cool-- he's an orphan. 420 00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:31,448 You know, just like Annie, 421 00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:33,325 except he's a dude and he hates tomorrow. 422 00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:35,160 I hate it so much! 423 00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:37,746 Bart, you have to take him back! 424 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:40,165 You're just jealous 'cause now I've got what you've got 425 00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:42,501 with Maggie, only better because we're dudes with 'tudes! 426 00:16:42,584 --> 00:16:46,338 (humming) 427 00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,382 (both humming) 428 00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:50,968 Kids, calm down! Here. 429 00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:53,012 Have a Not Very Berry Blast. 430 00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:55,764 It goes great with our "notton candy." 431 00:16:57,599 --> 00:17:00,144 Awesome, they made a sequel to Sever IV. 432 00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:02,563 This movie's going to be great, full of blood and gore 433 00:17:02,646 --> 00:17:04,023 and torture and guts and... 434 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:05,315 Two kid's tickets for 435 00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:07,443 The Diversity Kittens. 436 00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:10,404 ...and murder and swears and brains and basements 437 00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:14,324 and bones and saws and lungs and faces worn as hats. 438 00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:15,325 (spooky music plays) 439 00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,411 Hmm. 440 00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:22,583 Now, you probably think Sever V is a rip-off of Sever IV, 441 00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:23,917 but it's actually based 442 00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:27,212 on the rich history of Hong Kong torture films. 443 00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:29,840 (shuddering) 444 00:17:29,923 --> 00:17:30,924 Uh-oh. 445 00:17:33,093 --> 00:17:35,220 The boogeyman's going to eat my brain! 446 00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:36,805 (shuddering) 447 00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:38,849 I'm sorry. I guess having a little brother 448 00:17:38,932 --> 00:17:40,476 is more responsibility than I thought, 449 00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:41,518 especially 'cause I thought 450 00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:42,936 it'd be no responsibility at all. 451 00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:45,522 -(rustling) -Aah, it's the boogeyman! 452 00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:47,983 There is no such thing as a boogeyman. 453 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,193 Boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie! 454 00:17:49,276 --> 00:17:50,611 (both scream) 455 00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:56,867 Simpson, step away from the orphan. Do not give him any more love. 456 00:17:56,950 --> 00:18:00,996 I repeat, do not give him any more love. 457 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,582 Mr. Policeman, please take me home. 458 00:18:03,665 --> 00:18:06,001 That mean boy took me to a scary movie 459 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,419 and he covered his sister's doll 460 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:10,422 in peanut butter and bird seed. 461 00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:14,968 Charlie, you'd rat on me? 462 00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:17,554 Hey, no, no, what do you think you're do--? 463 00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:21,058 (screaming) 464 00:18:21,141 --> 00:18:22,434 My snout, 465 00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:24,269 my beautiful snout! 466 00:18:24,978 --> 00:18:26,980 (both laughing) 467 00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:28,273 (grunts) 468 00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:29,566 Sorry, dude, I didn't see you. 469 00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:31,652 (sobbing): How could you not see me? 470 00:18:31,735 --> 00:18:34,196 My arms are like hams. 471 00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:35,697 Hams! 472 00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:37,658 Hey! 473 00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:40,119 Go ahead, leave. 474 00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:41,954 That's what you're good at! 475 00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:43,038 (gulps) 476 00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,582 (both panting) 477 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:47,709 Where are we going to hide? 478 00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:49,128 (mutters) 479 00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:55,175 The same place Eskimos hide from penguins. 480 00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:02,516 Now, Charlie, we'll have to live 481 00:19:02,599 --> 00:19:03,559 off what we find in the garbage-- 482 00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:05,894 banana strings, muffin liners-- 483 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:08,522 but it'll be cool 'cause it's just you and me. 484 00:19:08,605 --> 00:19:09,481 LISA: Hello, Bart. 485 00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:10,440 (gasps) 486 00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:11,650 How did you find us? 487 00:19:11,733 --> 00:19:14,820 You left a trail of lost winter clothes. 488 00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:16,113 Are you gonna turn us in? 489 00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:19,199 No, I'm gonna convince you to turn yourselves in. 490 00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:21,493 -Never. -Never, huh? What are you going to eat? 491 00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:23,370 Snow-- God's cotton candy. 492 00:19:23,453 --> 00:19:25,539 Huh, snow, hmm? 493 00:19:25,622 --> 00:19:26,832 Better change your mind quick, Bart. 494 00:19:26,915 --> 00:19:28,959 A snow plow is coming to seal us in. 495 00:19:29,042 --> 00:19:31,086 The Plow King lives! 496 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:33,463 And Bart, maybe Charlie can't be your little brother, 497 00:19:33,547 --> 00:19:35,883 but you'll always be a big brother to me. 498 00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:37,968 Please don't send me back, Bart. 499 00:19:38,051 --> 00:19:40,095 This was the best day of my life. 500 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,144 Oh, no! 501 00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:52,191 You took too long to make an obvious decision! 502 00:19:52,274 --> 00:19:53,734 Don't worry, me and Charlie have 503 00:19:53,817 --> 00:19:55,944 one thing you'll never have. 504 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:59,740 Point and shoot, bro, point and shoot. 505 00:20:02,075 --> 00:20:06,079 Oh, gross, gross, gross, gross. 506 00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:07,789 Hey, you're alive, aren't you? 507 00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:09,249 I wish I weren't. 508 00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:11,752 I'm here to visit Charlie. 509 00:20:11,835 --> 00:20:13,086 Charlie? He's gone. 510 00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:15,339 A nice new family adopted him. 511 00:20:15,422 --> 00:20:18,342 Now he has six wonderful sisters. 512 00:20:18,425 --> 00:20:19,551 He's so cute. 513 00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:20,677 Let's do his nails. 514 00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,721 He's my baby. He's my baby. 515 00:20:22,804 --> 00:20:24,223 -Mom! -I'm telling. 516 00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:25,349 Dad! 517 00:20:25,432 --> 00:20:26,391 I want ice cream. 518 00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:28,060 I'm a princess. No, I'm a princess. 519 00:20:28,143 --> 00:20:29,269 She got juice on my sweater. 520 00:20:29,353 --> 00:20:31,104 -Big cheater. -You're the cheater. 521 00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:31,939 Ugly. 522 00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:34,274 So many sisters. 523 00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:36,944 Save me, Bart. 524 00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:39,071 I know you miss him, boy, 525 00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:42,866 so let's you and me spend some quality father and son time. 526 00:20:42,950 --> 00:20:44,576 (suspenseful music plays) 527 00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:45,452 -(gasps) -(gasps) 528 00:20:45,535 --> 00:20:47,496 (laughs) 529 00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:49,331 That's so fake. 530 00:20:49,414 --> 00:20:50,415 That's so fake. 531 00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:51,333 I don't know how they-- 532 00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:53,043 (character, Bart, and Homer scream) 533 00:20:53,126 --> 00:20:54,711 Too real! (shudders) 534 00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:56,255 -(laughing) -(chainsaw roars, character screams) 535 00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:57,631 -(metal scraping) -Oh, come on. 536 00:20:57,714 --> 00:20:58,757 (both scream) 537 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,467 -Look out! -(both laugh) 538 00:21:00,550 --> 00:21:02,094 -Why would that guy--? -(chainsaw roars) 539 00:21:02,177 --> 00:21:03,553 -(both scream) -Look out! 540 00:21:03,637 --> 00:21:05,931 -(both laugh) -That's fake. 541 00:21:06,014 --> 00:21:09,017 ♪ Boil the cabbage down, boys, boil the cabbage down. ♪ 542 00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:11,311 DICK: Take it, Tom! 543 00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:12,521 Take it, Tom! 544 00:21:12,604 --> 00:21:14,231 Hey, wait a minute. Wait, hold it, hold it. 545 00:21:14,314 --> 00:21:15,440 -(music stops) -I said, "Take it, Tom." 546 00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:17,401 Did you hear me say, "Take it, Tom"? 547 00:21:17,484 --> 00:21:19,403 TOMMY (stammering): I didn't hear you say, "Take it." 548 00:21:19,486 --> 00:21:22,114 Well, what did you think you heard? 549 00:21:22,197 --> 00:21:24,449 I didn't, I didn't think I heard what you think you said. 550 00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:26,076 Well, what do you think I said? 551 00:21:26,159 --> 00:21:28,203 Well, I... I, I heard... 552 00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:30,539 -It sounded like you said "naked bacon." -"Naked bacon"? 553 00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:32,374 -Sounded like "naked bacon." -It sounded like I said... 554 00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:33,959 HOMER: Did somebody say "naked bacon"? 555 00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:35,168 -Yeah, see? -What? 556 00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:36,461 We all thought it was "naked bacon." 557 00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:38,380 Yeah, it sounded like "naked bacon" to me. 558 00:21:38,463 --> 00:21:40,674 I don't know why they say you're the dumb guy, Tom. 559 00:21:40,757 --> 00:21:41,925 I don't know, either. 560 00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:44,011 (stammering): You said "naked bacon." 561 00:21:44,094 --> 00:21:45,721 I definitely said, uh, "Take it, Tom." 562 00:21:45,804 --> 00:21:47,764 -(stammering): But if you... -No, you said "naked bacon." 563 00:21:47,848 --> 00:21:50,225 That's what I thought. We both agree... 564 00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:52,477 You may both agree, but folk singers 565 00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:54,104 never say, "Take it, naked bacon." 566 00:21:54,187 --> 00:21:55,689 Do you guys know "Funkytown"? 567 00:21:56,481 --> 00:21:58,442 {\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem