1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:05,964 (eerie music plays) 2 00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:07,132 (tires screeching) 3 00:00:08,383 --> 00:00:09,467 D'oh! 4 00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:10,468 (tires screeching) 5 00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:12,137 (grunts) 6 00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:14,347 Hmm? (gasps) 7 00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:17,559 (clattering, Homer groaning) 8 00:00:17,642 --> 00:00:18,727 -(bell ringing) -Whoa! 9 00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:21,896 (all groaning) 10 00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,982 (ringing continues, Homer groaning) 11 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,910 ♪♪ 12 00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:40,540 {\an8}Oh, I love going to aquatic parks. 13 00:00:40,623 --> 00:00:43,209 {\an8}Sure, they have worse rides than amusement parks, 14 00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:46,880 {\an8}less fish than aquariums-- but the parking is ample! 15 00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:49,049 {\an8}(Marge humming) 16 00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:53,303 {\an8}Now to seal you in for safety. 17 00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:58,850 {\an8}Oh, there's so many photo ops, 18 00:00:58,933 --> 00:01:01,394 {\an8}but I already filled up my camera in the parking lot. 19 00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:04,022 {\an8}Parking lot C sign, the tram, 20 00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:05,774 {\an8}a license plate from Canada, 21 00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:07,817 {\an8}a bird eating potato chips, 22 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:08,777 {\an8}my feet walking, 23 00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:11,029 {\an8}that boy who got sick on the tram, 24 00:01:11,112 --> 00:01:12,989 {\an8}Grampa talking to a mermaid hedge, 25 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,866 {\an8}the park rules in Spanish, 26 00:01:14,949 --> 00:01:16,409 {\an8}a fat baby, 27 00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:18,953 {\an8}Grampa telling a story to a trailer hitch. 28 00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:21,664 {\an8}-(ding) -Oops! I erased them all! 29 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,542 {\an8}I want to do that! 30 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:25,627 {\an8}(mechanical whirring) 31 00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:27,837 {\an8}(gasping) 32 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:30,215 {\an8}I'm going to take stuff from the lost and found! 33 00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:31,883 {\an8}(humming) 34 00:01:31,966 --> 00:01:33,218 {\an8}(chuckles) 35 00:01:33,301 --> 00:01:35,470 {\an8}(people screaming) 36 00:01:35,553 --> 00:01:36,971 {\an8}My feet hurt! 37 00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:38,640 {\an8}My left ear's freezing! 38 00:01:38,723 --> 00:01:39,974 {\an8}My right ear's burning! 39 00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:41,851 {\an8}I got fish smell in my wrinkles! 40 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,186 {\an8}(grunts) 41 00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:45,563 {\an8}ANNOUNCER: Attention, exploro-nauts! 42 00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:46,564 {\an8}That's us! 43 00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:48,441 {\an8}In one minute, we'll be starting 44 00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:51,444 {\an8}our rock-quatic roll-tacular! 45 00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,738 {\an8}Hurry! If we don't get a seat in the splash zone, 46 00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:56,491 {\an8}I've worn my bathing suit under my clothes for nothing! 47 00:01:56,574 --> 00:01:58,368 {\an8}GRAMPA: A splash-'em-up show? 48 00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:01,830 {\an8}Reminds me of the time I high-dived into a damp sponge 49 00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:05,917 {\an8}for the amusement of Federal Reserve Chairman Paul Volcker. 50 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,877 {\an8}Grampa, no stories! 51 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,713 {\an8}You can come with us, or sit here on the shark bench. 52 00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:13,133 {\an8}You know, I did sit on a shark once... 53 00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:14,884 {\an8}Dad, bathing suit! 54 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,177 {\an8}(grunts) 55 00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:17,887 {\an8}Oops! No bathing suit. 56 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,222 {\an8}♪♪ 57 00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:21,182 {\an8}Let's give a wet and wacky welcome 58 00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:24,185 {\an8}to Springfield's oldest performing mollusk... 59 00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:25,812 {\an8}Get to the show! 60 00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:27,188 {\an8}This is the show! 61 00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:30,817 {\an8}Here's the original Octomom: Slimu! 62 00:02:34,028 --> 00:02:34,988 {\an8}♪ Whoa! ♪ 63 00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:36,948 {\an8}♪ I feel good ♪ 64 00:02:37,031 --> 00:02:38,366 {\an8}(applause, cheering) 65 00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:39,492 {\an8}♪ I knew that I would... ♪ 66 00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:41,452 {\an8}Slimu! Did you get my letters? 67 00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:43,371 {\an8}Slimu wasn't expecting company, 68 00:02:43,454 --> 00:02:45,748 {\an8}so he's got some cleaning up to do! 69 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:48,126 {\an8}♪ ...I wouldn't now ♪ 70 00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:49,919 {\an8}♪ So good ♪ 71 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,213 {\an8}(muffled laughter) 72 00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:55,925 {\an8}Slimu looks kind of uncomfortable. 73 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,178 {\an8}Wouldn't you be if you were a saltwater fish 74 00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:00,263 {\an8}in a freshwater aquarium? 75 00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:03,266 {\an8}The country has its first black president. 76 00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:06,269 {\an8}Maybe it's time for the first octopus president! 77 00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:09,564 {\an8}("Hail to the Chief" playing) 78 00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:11,816 {\an8}And when it comes to signing bills, 79 00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,735 {\an8}he can provide his own ink! 80 00:03:15,778 --> 00:03:17,947 {\an8}Ahh, oily! 81 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,909 {\an8}(cheering and applause) 82 00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:23,494 {\an8}They'll cheer a dancing octopus, 83 00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:27,415 {\an8}but not an old man complaining about everything. 84 00:03:27,498 --> 00:03:29,709 {\an8}Excuse me, sir. Is this seat taken? 85 00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:32,837 {\an8}Well, not for a pretty girl like you! 86 00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:34,631 {\an8}(chuckles nervously) 87 00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:37,217 {\an8}Well, this is the first time I ever sat on a shark. 88 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,427 {\an8}Not me-- sat on a real one once! 89 00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:41,137 {\an8}-Tell me more! -More?! 90 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,513 {\an8}(gasps) 91 00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,015 {\an8}Play it cool, Grampa. 92 00:03:44,098 --> 00:03:45,975 {\an8}Play it cool! 93 00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,228 {\an8}It was back in World War II. 94 00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,271 {\an8}I was a Seaman First Class 95 00:03:50,355 --> 00:03:52,857 {\an8}on the USS World War I. 96 00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,567 {\an8}We were minding our own business 97 00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:57,070 {\an8}when we were attacked by a heat-seeking torpedo 98 00:03:57,153 --> 00:03:59,948 {\an8}we had fired the day before. 99 00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:01,699 {\an8}(explosion) 100 00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:04,410 {\an8}(men screaming) 101 00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:05,662 {\an8}(gasps) 102 00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:09,582 {\an8}Don't worry about the sharks, boys. 103 00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:12,377 {\an8}Just play possum and they'll leave you alone. 104 00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:16,172 {\an8}GRAMPA: Unfortunatley, sharks love possum. 105 00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:22,262 Hey, boys, these sharks can't bite us if we're on their backs! 106 00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:24,430 (grunts) Yeah. 107 00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:27,475 It's like riding the Cyclone back at Coney Island! 108 00:04:27,558 --> 00:04:28,643 Whoa! 109 00:04:28,726 --> 00:04:30,687 It's like riding a dust devil back in Yuma-- 110 00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:33,189 like I read about in a book back in Boston! 111 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,650 GRAMPA: By the time the rescue planes came, 112 00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:38,611 we had those sharks trained pretty good. 113 00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,697 ♪♪ 114 00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:48,121 {\an8}I still keep in touch with all those men 115 00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:49,497 {\an8}and some of the sharks. 116 00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:52,125 {\an8}Why, here's us in Hawaii last year. 117 00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:54,627 {\an8}Good times. 118 00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:56,963 {\an8}Sir, my name is Marshall Goldman. 119 00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:58,715 {\an8}I'm a newspaper columnist 120 00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:01,217 {\an8}specializing in human interest stories. 121 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,593 You're in the newspaper business? 122 00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:03,761 (chuckles) 123 00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,805 Something that's gonna die before I do! 124 00:05:05,888 --> 00:05:08,182 You have any other stories you'd care to tell me? 125 00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:10,351 Someone's listening to me! 126 00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:14,022 Now I know how a radio feels! 127 00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:15,315 (school bell ringing) 128 00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:18,026 Well, class, it's Friday afternoon. 129 00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:20,445 That means it's time to find out which one of you gets 130 00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:22,572 to take Larry the Lamb home for the weekend. 131 00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:24,324 -(all sigh) -Oh! Oh! Oh! 132 00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:27,452 And don't forget, the lucky student gets to add his or her page 133 00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:29,495 to Larry's personal journal. 134 00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:32,081 Just like Martin did last week. 135 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,249 Ha! 136 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,251 -I want him first! -No, me! 137 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,962 Oh, not that stupid stuffed lamb again. 138 00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:39,047 This isn't learning! 139 00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:40,298 Do you want to learn? 140 00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:42,216 No, no, no. I'm just saying... 141 00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:43,217 This weekend, 142 00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:46,012 Larry will go home with... 143 00:05:46,095 --> 00:05:47,096 (all gasp) 144 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,723 Please, God, I need this. 145 00:05:48,806 --> 00:05:50,224 ...Bart Simpson. 146 00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:51,267 (all groan) 147 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,686 Oh, cruel irony! 148 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:56,189 Hey, the only thing I bring home are notes to my parents, 149 00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:58,024 and those do not arrive the way that they left. 150 00:05:58,107 --> 00:06:01,152 Hmm. 151 00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:03,946 Oh, what a nice note! 152 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:06,949 I'm not sticking my hand in that can again. 153 00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,242 You're getting the lamb. 154 00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:12,413 Not so fast. 155 00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:15,583 Tell the diary how special he makes you feel! 156 00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:20,338 More adjectives! 157 00:06:20,421 --> 00:06:22,006 That's an adverb! 158 00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:23,049 (grunts) 159 00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:25,343 (sizzling) 160 00:06:31,432 --> 00:06:32,975 Top of the morning, Homer. 161 00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:33,935 Seen the paper? 162 00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:36,062 No, I get my news off the Internet. 163 00:06:36,145 --> 00:06:38,189 (laughing) 164 00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:41,484 Well, sir, it looks like your dad is a quotable notable. 165 00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:43,945 Huh? 166 00:06:44,028 --> 00:06:46,197 That's a... It's funny. 167 00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:47,990 It's poignant... 168 00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,200 It actually happened! 169 00:06:49,283 --> 00:06:51,202 My father is interesting?! 170 00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:53,579 The whole world's upside down! 171 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,790 That must mean Cathy is funny. 172 00:06:55,873 --> 00:06:56,833 Nope. 173 00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:03,464 Abe, I never knew you were so full of... 174 00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:05,508 -(speaking Yiddish) -What does that mean? 175 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:06,717 It's like (speaking Yiddish), 176 00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:09,387 but with a pinch more (speaking Yiddish) 177 00:07:09,470 --> 00:07:11,472 Yep, I may just be 178 00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,641 the best known Abraham in history. 179 00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:15,560 So, Abe, what else you got for me? 180 00:07:15,643 --> 00:07:17,311 Hmm, well, let's see. 181 00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:20,314 Ooh, I was working as a shoeshine boy 182 00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:22,984 at Springfield Union Station. 183 00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:25,278 ♪♪ 184 00:07:28,739 --> 00:07:31,868 Every Monday, the Tinseltown Starliner would stop 185 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:34,454 at 1:17 p.m. on its way to Hollywood. 186 00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,539 I never rode that train, 187 00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:38,833 but I'd palaver with the movie stars 188 00:07:38,916 --> 00:07:41,961 when they got out to stretch their legs. 189 00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:44,005 Hiya! 190 00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:51,053 (clicking) 191 00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:04,692 But none was more memorable than... 192 00:08:04,775 --> 00:08:05,568 Clark Gable! 193 00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:07,445 Looks like someone has seen my work 194 00:08:07,528 --> 00:08:09,405 as an extra in Du Barry, Woman Of Passion. 195 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:10,740 I sure have, Mr. Gable. 196 00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:12,700 How come you ain't a star yet? 197 00:08:12,783 --> 00:08:14,702 Maybe my ears are too big. I don't know. 198 00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:15,870 (laughs) 199 00:08:15,953 --> 00:08:17,747 -Hey, what you reading there? -Oh, it's called 200 00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:19,624 Gone with the Wind. You can have it. 201 00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:22,084 It's only got one swear word, and not a very good one. 202 00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:23,085 Gone with the Wind, eh? 203 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,588 Well, let's see: garbage, garbage, my line. 204 00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:27,423 Garbage, garbage, my line. 205 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,425 Atlanta burns, nice dresses. I like it! 206 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,594 Thanks, kid. 207 00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:34,430 Don't tell this story to anyone for 60 years. 208 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,349 (train whistle blowing) 209 00:08:36,432 --> 00:08:38,392 "Clark Gable owes me a book. 210 00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:40,603 And he never paid me for the shoeshine. 211 00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:42,897 But his big blue eyes could melt the butter 212 00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:44,690 you kept in your pocket for lunch. 213 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,734 Lunch butter we called it." 214 00:08:46,817 --> 00:08:49,529 How come Grampa never shared those stories with us? 215 00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:51,113 He does all the time. 216 00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,198 You just never listen. 217 00:08:52,281 --> 00:08:54,659 Marge, my brain is like a computer, 218 00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:58,746 and I file away Grampa's stories in a very special place. 219 00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,749 (clicking) 220 00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:03,209 (crunching) 221 00:09:03,292 --> 00:09:05,419 Hmm, while I'm up there. 222 00:09:05,836 --> 00:09:06,921 (clicking) 223 00:09:07,004 --> 00:09:09,131 (crunching) 224 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:11,133 (dings) 225 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,969 (chuckles) 226 00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:14,303 (beeps) 227 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:15,805 Uh-oh. 228 00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:16,973 (dog barking) 229 00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:21,686 -(growling) -That's it, boy! Go for the nards! 230 00:09:21,769 --> 00:09:22,728 Bart! 231 00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:24,564 If you're not gonna take care of him right, 232 00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:25,982 then give him to me. 233 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:28,568 How come you don't get mad when I torment real animals? 234 00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,987 I do! It enrages me! 235 00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:33,531 I thought you Hindus were supposed to love everybody. 236 00:09:33,614 --> 00:09:35,199 I'm a freaking Buddhist! 237 00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:36,617 A Buddhist! 238 00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:41,664 Larry, please don't judge our whole family by Bart. 239 00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:42,873 He's the black sheep. 240 00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:44,792 I mean, not that black sheep 241 00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:46,294 are in any way inferior to white sheep. 242 00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:48,004 I do not judge wool by its color-- 243 00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,672 only by how itchy it is. 244 00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:50,923 (chuckles) Ooh, look! 245 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,008 Jazz! 246 00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:55,344 Larry, what sub-genre of jazz do you like? 247 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,013 Fusion? Neo-bop? 248 00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:58,389 Afro-Cuban? 249 00:09:58,472 --> 00:09:59,807 (gasps) 250 00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:01,726 Larry! 251 00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:04,395 Gotcha! (screams) 252 00:10:04,478 --> 00:10:05,605 (water splashing) 253 00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:07,815 Larry? Oh, Larry? 254 00:10:07,898 --> 00:10:09,066 Larry? 255 00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:10,818 Larry?! 256 00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:14,322 You're coming off desperate, honey. 257 00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:17,742 That's how I got my idea for a suitcase with wheels, 258 00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:20,828 from watching a commercial about a suitcase with wheels. 259 00:10:20,911 --> 00:10:21,912 (all sigh) 260 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,331 Hey, Abe, 261 00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:24,832 great stories. 262 00:10:24,915 --> 00:10:27,209 I'm Mitch Albom, author of Tuesdays with Morrie. 263 00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,586 Never heard of you. 264 00:10:28,669 --> 00:10:30,087 Yeah. Sure you haven't. 265 00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:32,465 Take a hike, Hollywood. 266 00:10:32,548 --> 00:10:33,883 I've already got a college boy 267 00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:36,844 to turn my every word into syndicated gold. 268 00:10:36,927 --> 00:10:39,096 Yeah, beat it, sports page. 269 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:41,932 And what if I don't? 270 00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:43,851 (grumbling) 271 00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:47,897 (grumbling) 272 00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:50,775 (grumbling) 273 00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:53,611 {\an8}(groans) 274 00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:57,073 Clouds are God's sneezes. 275 00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:58,866 Ooh, I like this kid. 276 00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:03,829 (humming) 277 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:06,749 Oh, Dad, I got you some Scotch. 278 00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:08,042 One of those fancy ones 279 00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:10,544 the checkout lady had to unlock the cabinet to get. 280 00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:11,754 Well, well, well, 281 00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:14,924 look who decided to visit me twice in one year. 282 00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:18,135 This man's more of a son to me than you've ever been. 283 00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:19,845 What the...?! 284 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,890 Well, he's more of a father to me than you've ever been! 285 00:11:22,973 --> 00:11:24,517 I don't think that's true. 286 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:25,601 Stay out of this, Dad. 287 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,103 Uh, no. O-Okay. 288 00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,980 You only care about me now because I'm famous. 289 00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:31,232 That's it. 290 00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:32,733 Here's your ring back. 291 00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:33,734 Ring? What ring? 292 00:11:33,818 --> 00:11:35,695 It's a father-son commitment band 293 00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:37,947 that I bought and never told you about. 294 00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:40,241 (sobbing) 295 00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:44,453 And now I'm telling you. 296 00:11:50,334 --> 00:11:52,461 Okay, I need the stupid lamb back. 297 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,255 He's in here, safe and sound. 298 00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:56,298 Let me just staple that bag for you. 299 00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:58,467 (panting) 300 00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:03,514 Hmm. 301 00:12:03,597 --> 00:12:04,807 This isn't Larry. 302 00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:07,309 It's just cotton balls on toilet paper rolls. 303 00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:08,477 Where's the real Larry? 304 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:09,770 Well, what do you care? 305 00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:11,147 You don't even like him. 306 00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:13,607 Of course I don't, but other people do. 307 00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:15,901 Hey, Bart, can't wait to see Larry again. 308 00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:19,697 Um, what if someone were to lose Larry? 309 00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:23,367 They'd see a dark side of me no one knows about. 310 00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:25,411 ♪ Nelson loved a little lamb ♪ 311 00:12:25,494 --> 00:12:28,372 ♪ Little lamb, little lamb ♪ 312 00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:30,583 ♪ Nelson loved a little lamb ♪ 313 00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:33,794 ♪ He kept me nice and sane. ♪ 314 00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:39,759 (beep) 315 00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:41,093 ABE: You've reached Abe. 316 00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:42,636 MARSHALL: And Marshall. 317 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,513 Abe can't come to the phone right now. 318 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,641 ABE: And if this is Homer, you're too late for my love. 319 00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:48,851 (beep) 320 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:49,977 Stupid Grampa. 321 00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:52,062 I try to end the cycle of neglect, 322 00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:54,440 and he hits me with some super neglect. 323 00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:56,484 Maybe you're not really mad at Grampa. 324 00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:57,818 Maybe you're mad at yourself 325 00:12:57,902 --> 00:13:00,404 for taking him for granted all these years. 326 00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,573 Marge, how can anyone be mad at himself? 327 00:13:02,656 --> 00:13:04,366 It's impossible. Watch. 328 00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:05,701 Why, you little... 329 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,661 (gasps) Oh, I can't. 330 00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:10,539 When I look at those beautiful chubby cheeks. 331 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:11,624 Come here, you. 332 00:13:11,707 --> 00:13:13,501 Ow! 333 00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:15,628 Ow! I'll kill you, you son of a ...! 334 00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:17,546 Oh. No, no, don't-don't look hurt. 335 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,089 Okay. It's okay. 336 00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:20,424 It's okay. 337 00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:21,801 I'll show Grampa. 338 00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,469 I'll find my own surrogate father 339 00:13:23,552 --> 00:13:26,847 full of heartwarming stories I can share with the world. 340 00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:30,100 And that's how you win an opium war. 341 00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:32,186 Oh, great stuff. 342 00:13:32,269 --> 00:13:33,521 And the life lesson is? 343 00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:36,857 The Yangtze River swallows all secrets. 344 00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:37,817 Hmm. 345 00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:40,903 I'm just gonna put "Haste makes waste." 346 00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:43,948 Yes, although, these days, I can make neither haste nor waste. 347 00:13:44,031 --> 00:13:45,491 You know, Simpson, 348 00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:47,493 this has truly been a lovely afternoon. 349 00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:49,787 Release... a hound. 350 00:13:50,704 --> 00:13:52,748 Isn't that cute? 351 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,625 He thinks he's a pack. 352 00:13:54,708 --> 00:13:56,210 -(barking) -(yells) 353 00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,296 Where'd you get this rope? 354 00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:00,339 Swiped it from gym class. 355 00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:01,924 Climb that rope! 356 00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:05,219 There is no rope. 357 00:14:05,302 --> 00:14:07,388 Well, you better get to the ceiling somehow! 358 00:14:07,471 --> 00:14:08,597 (panting) 359 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,266 -Ceiling, ceiling, ceiling! -(grunts) 360 00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:12,643 (groaning) 361 00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:14,353 Bart, I'm losing my grip. 362 00:14:14,436 --> 00:14:15,771 Put the rope in your teeth. 363 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,439 What will that do? 364 00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:18,816 It'll shut you up. 365 00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:20,776 (grunts) 366 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:21,861 Hmm. 367 00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:23,237 Larry? 368 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,614 Larry the Lamb? 369 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:28,242 There you are, you piece of crap. 370 00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:29,493 -(growling) -(yells) 371 00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:31,537 There's rats in my pants! 372 00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:34,248 Chief, my brother fell in the storm drain! 373 00:14:34,331 --> 00:14:37,710 Um, I'm strictly an above-the-ground policeman. 374 00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:39,712 What you need is the sewer cops. 375 00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:40,838 Fine. What's their number? 376 00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:42,047 Lisa, you're old enough now 377 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,674 that I can tell you the truth. 378 00:14:43,757 --> 00:14:45,885 There's no such thing as the sewer cops. 379 00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:48,721 It's just something we tell kids to make them feel safe. 380 00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:50,055 What about Bart? 381 00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:52,850 Well, if you miss him, yell into a toilet. 382 00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:56,312 BART (echoing): It's dark down here! 383 00:14:58,856 --> 00:15:01,650 I have a column I'd like to submit. 384 00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:02,943 Pay me whenever. 385 00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:05,112 I'll just take this to our editor. 386 00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:09,325 (shredder whirring) 387 00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:11,827 Hmm. 388 00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:18,584 What? 389 00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:21,754 Pulitzer Prize application form? 390 00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:25,841 "When I rode with Abe Simpson on the Tinseltown Starliner, 391 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:29,595 I never dreamed his first voyage would be his last? 392 00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:31,639 At 3:00 on Monday, 393 00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:33,849 Abe passed away peacefully in his sleep." 394 00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:38,896 How would he know Grampa was going to die today? 395 00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:41,857 Unless he was going to kill him! 396 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,734 But would someone really kill a man 397 00:15:43,817 --> 00:15:45,778 just to win a Pulitzer Prize? 398 00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:49,031 (music plays dramatic sting) 399 00:15:53,869 --> 00:15:54,703 (gasps) 400 00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:03,671 All aboard the final run of the Tinseltown Starliner, 401 00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:06,590 the last ride into a nostalgic past. 402 00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:08,634 Anyone without a ticket will be beaten 403 00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:10,844 by classic railroad bulls. 404 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,931 ♪ Old Dan Tucker was a fine old man ♪ 405 00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:16,684 ALL: ♪ He washed his face in the frying pan ♪ 406 00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:18,727 ♪ He combed his hair with a wagon wheel ♪ 407 00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:21,271 ♪ And died of the toothache in his heel. ♪ 408 00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:24,233 You don't get a beatin' like this traveling by plane. 409 00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:25,025 Ow! 410 00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:27,444 I'm finally riding the Tinseltown Starliner. 411 00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:29,905 I could die a happy man. 412 00:16:36,787 --> 00:16:38,247 (grunts) 413 00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:39,623 (panting) 414 00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:41,709 (grunts) 415 00:16:43,293 --> 00:16:45,629 D'oh! 416 00:16:47,214 --> 00:16:48,382 Drink up, Abe. 417 00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:51,760 Live each moment as if someone's about to kill you. 418 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,971 I mean, as if it's your last. 419 00:16:54,054 --> 00:16:56,390 Sorry, my hearing aid's on the fritz. 420 00:16:56,473 --> 00:16:59,018 The only word I heard was "kill." 421 00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:01,103 (Homer whimpering) 422 00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:04,940 Hey. Aah. 423 00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:07,192 Look at that. 424 00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:09,278 They've recreated the '30s. 425 00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:11,947 Tent cities, failing banks. 426 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,240 No, those are real. 427 00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:14,533 (mutters) 428 00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:16,744 (whimpering) 429 00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:17,911 Oh! 430 00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:19,830 HOMER: Beware of Marshall Goldman! 431 00:17:19,913 --> 00:17:21,373 What was that? 432 00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:23,542 Um, an elephant on a circus train 433 00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:24,877 bellowing for his mother. 434 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:27,629 Oh, I remember the first time 435 00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:30,674 an elephant tried to eat me like a peanut. 436 00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:33,761 I was on the set of a Warner Brothers cartoon. 437 00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:35,554 Jack Warner came by and said... 438 00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:38,515 (whimpering) 439 00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:40,309 Hey, Slimu! 440 00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:41,685 (yelling) 441 00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:44,313 Huh? 442 00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:45,773 (laughs) 443 00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:47,775 Yeah, you'd better run! 444 00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:49,026 -(loud mewing) -(gasps) 445 00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:50,360 Sewer cats! 446 00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:51,361 (yells) 447 00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:53,989 (whimpering) 448 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,282 Larry?! 449 00:17:55,365 --> 00:17:56,825 (grunting) 450 00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:57,659 (yowling) 451 00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:59,328 Larry, you saved my life! 452 00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:01,872 You're the most wonderful stuffed lamb in the world. 453 00:18:01,955 --> 00:18:03,290 I'm sorry about the mean things I said, 454 00:18:03,373 --> 00:18:05,334 and we'll have the rest of the weekend to... 455 00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:07,127 Whoa! 456 00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:08,670 (grunts) 457 00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:10,172 Huh? 458 00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:11,882 Larry! 459 00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:13,008 (sobbing) 460 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,135 Man, everybody loves this guy. 461 00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:16,220 Give him my number. 462 00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:17,429 I'll teach him things. 463 00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:19,389 Things he can use. 464 00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:22,518 (train whistle blows) 465 00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:24,603 The older I get, 466 00:18:24,686 --> 00:18:27,397 the more I like the taste of hot water. 467 00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:28,899 (snoring) 468 00:18:28,982 --> 00:18:31,568 (to "Here Comes the Bride") ♪ Here comes the prize ♪ 469 00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:33,112 ♪ Pulitzer Prize ♪ 470 00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:36,824 ♪ I'll finally be successful in my mother's eyes. ♪ 471 00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:39,493 A little lower... 472 00:18:39,576 --> 00:18:40,702 A little lower. 473 00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:43,163 Drop that pillow! 474 00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:44,540 (yells) 475 00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:47,376 It gets worse. 476 00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:49,002 -Ow! -Yeah. 477 00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:50,796 (grunts) 478 00:18:50,879 --> 00:18:52,881 See you tomorrow at yoga. 479 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,633 Jane is sick, so Tricia's filling in. 480 00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:57,052 As long as it's not a dude! 481 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,680 (both grunting) 482 00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:04,268 (choking) 483 00:19:06,019 --> 00:19:08,730 How can you stand up to this punishment? 484 00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:11,191 I'm the toughest S.O.B. there is-- 485 00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:14,153 a biweekly human interest columnist. 486 00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:17,156 And your father's gonna make me a fortune. 487 00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:19,116 Pathetic old fool. 488 00:19:19,199 --> 00:19:22,077 Maybe so, but I know how to play possum. 489 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:23,245 -(grunts) -Um... 490 00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:24,580 (laughs) 491 00:19:27,374 --> 00:19:28,417 (brakes squealing) 492 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:30,502 (groans) 493 00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:33,797 So many hat boxes. 494 00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:37,593 Dad, I don't have the right words 495 00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:39,511 to say how I really feel about you, 496 00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:42,931 but at least I know how to beat up a guy who does. 497 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:46,310 Well, at least you never tried to kill me. 498 00:19:46,393 --> 00:19:48,645 Just with indifference. 499 00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:50,856 You did good, kid. 500 00:19:50,939 --> 00:19:52,858 This is for the shoeshine. 501 00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:54,109 It's a ghost quarter, 502 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,111 but you'll be able to spend it pretty soon. 503 00:19:57,905 --> 00:20:00,365 So, Grampa, you really saved Dad's life? 504 00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:01,867 I sure did. 505 00:20:01,950 --> 00:20:04,703 But why don't we let Homer tell the story? 506 00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:06,872 Really? Me? You mean it? 507 00:20:06,955 --> 00:20:09,833 I think you're ready for your first ramble. 508 00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:12,628 Oh, I've been waiting for this day for so long. 509 00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:14,922 The year is 1946. 510 00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:18,425 In a war-torn world, a single flower blooms. 511 00:20:18,508 --> 00:20:22,221 And that flower is an angry Japanese monster named Godzilla. 512 00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:23,639 How am I doing, Dad? 513 00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:26,016 I'm hanging on every word. 514 00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:28,685 Fortunately, there was one man who could help-- 515 00:20:28,769 --> 00:20:30,270 Colonel Tom Parker. 516 00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:32,814 The Colonel took this monster, cleaned him up 517 00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:34,733 and put him onstage under the name 518 00:20:34,816 --> 00:20:36,860 The Rolling Stones. 519 00:20:36,944 --> 00:20:38,195 The first concert was a sellout 520 00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:40,739 with many, many, many people eaten. 521 00:20:40,822 --> 00:20:44,660 But those that survived raved about the undeniable harmonies 522 00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:48,121 and brutally honest lyrics of what they had just seen. 523 00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:50,332 And out of the wreckage of that concert, 524 00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:52,167 crawled a woman, who would later give birth to me. 525 00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,461 Not once but four times. 526 00:20:54,544 --> 00:20:56,880 'Cause in those days, if they didn't like the way you looked, 527 00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:59,424 they would send you back in to bake a little longer. 528 00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:02,970 After four times, they just decided to cut off my tail. 529 00:21:03,053 --> 00:21:06,014 But you can still see it... in the British Museum, 530 00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:08,475 which, interestingly enough, is in France. 531 00:21:08,558 --> 00:21:10,143 Not the France you're thinking of. 532 00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:13,814 But a much better one, filled with palm trees and leprechauns. 533 00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:16,984 But I digress. In fact, I used to be a professional digressor. 534 00:21:17,067 --> 00:21:18,610 But I don't want to get off the tracks 535 00:21:18,694 --> 00:21:22,239 so I'll tell you about the time I was a professional digressor. 536 00:21:22,322 --> 00:21:24,324 The year was 2021, 537 00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:26,493 and I had just returned from a brief vacation... 538 00:21:26,576 --> 00:21:28,954 where I'd eaten more than my fill of tacos. 539 00:21:29,037 --> 00:21:30,831 Not the tacos you're thinking of. 540 00:21:30,914 --> 00:21:33,875 Did I ever tell you about the time I started Gracie Films? 541 00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:34,918 Shh! 542 00:21:35,002 --> 00:21:36,461 HOMER: Hey, shh yourself! 543 00:21:38,547 --> 00:21:40,590 {\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem