1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:05,964
(eerie music plays)
2
00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:07,132
(tires screeching)
3
00:00:08,383 --> 00:00:09,467
D'oh!
4
00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:10,468
(tires screeching)
5
00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:12,137
(grunts)
6
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:14,347
Hmm? (gasps)
7
00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:17,559
(clattering, Homer groaning)
8
00:00:17,642 --> 00:00:18,727
-(bell ringing)
-Whoa!
9
00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:21,896
(all groaning)
10
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,982
(ringing continues,
Homer groaning)
11
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,910
♪♪
12
00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:40,540
{\an8}Oh, I love going
to aquatic parks.
13
00:00:40,623 --> 00:00:43,209
{\an8}Sure, they have worse rides
than amusement parks,
14
00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:46,880
{\an8}less fish than aquariums--
but the parking is ample!
15
00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:49,049
{\an8}(Marge humming)
16
00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:53,303
{\an8}Now to seal you
in for safety.
17
00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:58,850
{\an8}Oh, there's so many photo ops,
18
00:00:58,933 --> 00:01:01,394
{\an8}but I already filled up
my camera in the parking lot.
19
00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:04,022
{\an8}Parking lot C sign, the tram,
20
00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:05,774
{\an8}a license plate from Canada,
21
00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:07,817
{\an8}a bird eating potato chips,
22
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:08,777
{\an8}my feet walking,
23
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:11,029
{\an8}that boy who got sick
on the tram,
24
00:01:11,112 --> 00:01:12,989
{\an8}Grampa talking
to a mermaid hedge,
25
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,866
{\an8}the park rules in Spanish,
26
00:01:14,949 --> 00:01:16,409
{\an8}a fat baby,
27
00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:18,953
{\an8}Grampa telling a story
to a trailer hitch.
28
00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:21,664
{\an8}-(ding)
-Oops! I erased them all!
29
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,542
{\an8}I want to do that!
30
00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:25,627
{\an8}(mechanical whirring)
31
00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:27,837
{\an8}(gasping)
32
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:30,215
{\an8}I'm going to take stuff
from the lost and found!
33
00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:31,883
{\an8}(humming)
34
00:01:31,966 --> 00:01:33,218
{\an8}(chuckles)
35
00:01:33,301 --> 00:01:35,470
{\an8}(people screaming)
36
00:01:35,553 --> 00:01:36,971
{\an8}My feet hurt!
37
00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:38,640
{\an8}My left ear's freezing!
38
00:01:38,723 --> 00:01:39,974
{\an8}My right ear's burning!
39
00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:41,851
{\an8}I got fish smell in my wrinkles!
40
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,186
{\an8}(grunts)
41
00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:45,563
{\an8}ANNOUNCER:
Attention, exploro-nauts!
42
00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:46,564
{\an8}That's us!
43
00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:48,441
{\an8}In one minute,
we'll be starting
44
00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:51,444
{\an8}our rock-quatic roll-tacular!
45
00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,738
{\an8}Hurry! If we don't get a seat
in the splash zone,
46
00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:56,491
{\an8}I've worn my bathing suit
under my clothes for nothing!
47
00:01:56,574 --> 00:01:58,368
{\an8}GRAMPA:
A splash-'em-up show?
48
00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:01,830
{\an8}Reminds me of the time
I high-dived into a damp sponge
49
00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:05,917
{\an8}for the amusement of Federal
Reserve Chairman Paul Volcker.
50
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,877
{\an8}Grampa, no stories!
51
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,713
{\an8}You can come with us,
or sit here on the shark bench.
52
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:13,133
{\an8}You know, I did sit
on a shark once...
53
00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:14,884
{\an8}Dad, bathing suit!
54
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,177
{\an8}(grunts)
55
00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:17,887
{\an8}Oops! No bathing suit.
56
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,222
{\an8}♪♪
57
00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:21,182
{\an8}Let's give a wet
and wacky welcome
58
00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:24,185
{\an8}to Springfield's oldest
performing mollusk...
59
00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:25,812
{\an8}Get to the show!
60
00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:27,188
{\an8}This is the show!
61
00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:30,817
{\an8}Here's the original Octomom:
Slimu!
62
00:02:34,028 --> 00:02:34,988
{\an8}♪ Whoa! ♪
63
00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:36,948
{\an8}♪ I feel good ♪
64
00:02:37,031 --> 00:02:38,366
{\an8}(applause, cheering)
65
00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:39,492
{\an8}♪ I knew that I would... ♪
66
00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:41,452
{\an8}Slimu! Did you get my letters?
67
00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:43,371
{\an8}Slimu wasn't expecting company,
68
00:02:43,454 --> 00:02:45,748
{\an8}so he's got some
cleaning up to do!
69
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:48,126
{\an8}♪ ...I wouldn't now ♪
70
00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:49,919
{\an8}♪ So good ♪
71
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,213
{\an8}(muffled laughter)
72
00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:55,925
{\an8}Slimu looks kind of
uncomfortable.
73
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,178
{\an8}Wouldn't you be if you
were a saltwater fish
74
00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:00,263
{\an8}in a freshwater aquarium?
75
00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:03,266
{\an8}The country has its first
black president.
76
00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:06,269
{\an8}Maybe it's time
for the first octopus president!
77
00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:09,564
{\an8}("Hail to the Chief" playing)
78
00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:11,816
{\an8}And when it comes
to signing bills,
79
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,735
{\an8}he can provide his own ink!
80
00:03:15,778 --> 00:03:17,947
{\an8}Ahh, oily!
81
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,909
{\an8}(cheering and applause)
82
00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:23,494
{\an8}They'll cheer a dancing octopus,
83
00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:27,415
{\an8}but not an old man
complaining about everything.
84
00:03:27,498 --> 00:03:29,709
{\an8}Excuse me, sir.
Is this seat taken?
85
00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:32,837
{\an8}Well, not for a pretty girl
like you!
86
00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:34,631
{\an8}(chuckles nervously)
87
00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:37,217
{\an8}Well, this is the first time
I ever sat on a shark.
88
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,427
{\an8}Not me-- sat on
a real one once!
89
00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:41,137
{\an8}-Tell me more!
-More?!
90
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,513
{\an8}(gasps)
91
00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,015
{\an8}Play it cool, Grampa.
92
00:03:44,098 --> 00:03:45,975
{\an8}Play it cool!
93
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,228
{\an8}It was back in World War II.
94
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,271
{\an8}I was a Seaman First Class
95
00:03:50,355 --> 00:03:52,857
{\an8}on the USS World War I.
96
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,567
{\an8}We were minding
our own business
97
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:57,070
{\an8}when we were attacked
by a heat-seeking torpedo
98
00:03:57,153 --> 00:03:59,948
{\an8}we had fired the day before.
99
00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:01,699
{\an8}(explosion)
100
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:04,410
{\an8}(men screaming)
101
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:05,662
{\an8}(gasps)
102
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:09,582
{\an8}Don't worry about
the sharks, boys.
103
00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:12,377
{\an8}Just play possum
and they'll leave you alone.
104
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:16,172
{\an8}GRAMPA: Unfortunatley,
sharks love possum.
105
00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:22,262
Hey, boys, these sharks can't
bite us if we're on their backs!
106
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:24,430
(grunts)
Yeah.
107
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:27,475
It's like riding the Cyclone
back at Coney Island!
108
00:04:27,558 --> 00:04:28,643
Whoa!
109
00:04:28,726 --> 00:04:30,687
It's like riding a dust devil
back in Yuma--
110
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:33,189
like I read about in a book
back in Boston!
111
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,650
GRAMPA: By the time
the rescue planes came,
112
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:38,611
we had those sharks
trained pretty good.
113
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,697
♪♪
114
00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:48,121
{\an8}I still keep in touch
with all those men
115
00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:49,497
{\an8}and some of the sharks.
116
00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:52,125
{\an8}Why, here's us
in Hawaii last year.
117
00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:54,627
{\an8}Good times.
118
00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:56,963
{\an8}Sir, my name is
Marshall Goldman.
119
00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:58,715
{\an8}I'm a newspaper columnist
120
00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:01,217
{\an8}specializing in human
interest stories.
121
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,593
You're in the newspaper
business?
122
00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:03,761
(chuckles)
123
00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,805
Something that's gonna die
before I do!
124
00:05:05,888 --> 00:05:08,182
You have any other stories
you'd care to tell me?
125
00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:10,351
Someone's listening to me!
126
00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:14,022
Now I know how a radio feels!
127
00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:15,315
(school bell ringing)
128
00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:18,026
Well, class, it's
Friday afternoon.
129
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:20,445
That means it's time to find out
which one of you gets
130
00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:22,572
to take Larry the Lamb
home for the weekend.
131
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:24,324
-(all sigh)
-Oh! Oh! Oh!
132
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:27,452
And don't forget,
the lucky student gets
to add his or her page
133
00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:29,495
to Larry's personal journal.
134
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:32,081
Just like Martin did last week.
135
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,249
Ha!
136
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,251
-I want him first!
-No, me!
137
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,962
Oh, not that stupid
stuffed lamb again.
138
00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:39,047
This isn't learning!
139
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:40,298
Do you want to learn?
140
00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:42,216
No, no, no. I'm just saying...
141
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:43,217
This weekend,
142
00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:46,012
Larry will go home with...
143
00:05:46,095 --> 00:05:47,096
(all gasp)
144
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,723
Please, God, I need this.
145
00:05:48,806 --> 00:05:50,224
...Bart Simpson.
146
00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:51,267
(all groan)
147
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,686
Oh, cruel irony!
148
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:56,189
Hey, the only thing I bring home
are notes to my parents,
149
00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:58,024
and those do not arrive
the way that they left.
150
00:05:58,107 --> 00:06:01,152
Hmm.
151
00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:03,946
Oh, what a nice note!
152
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:06,949
I'm not sticking my hand
in that can again.
153
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,242
You're getting the lamb.
154
00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:12,413
Not so fast.
155
00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:15,583
Tell the diary how special
he makes you feel!
156
00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:20,338
More adjectives!
157
00:06:20,421 --> 00:06:22,006
That's an adverb!
158
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:23,049
(grunts)
159
00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:25,343
(sizzling)
160
00:06:31,432 --> 00:06:32,975
Top of the morning,
Homer.
161
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:33,935
Seen the paper?
162
00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:36,062
No, I get my news
off the Internet.
163
00:06:36,145 --> 00:06:38,189
(laughing)
164
00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:41,484
Well, sir, it looks like
your dad is a quotable notable.
165
00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:43,945
Huh?
166
00:06:44,028 --> 00:06:46,197
That's a... It's funny.
167
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:47,990
It's poignant...
168
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,200
It actually happened!
169
00:06:49,283 --> 00:06:51,202
My father is interesting?!
170
00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:53,579
The whole world's upside down!
171
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,790
That must mean Cathy is funny.
172
00:06:55,873 --> 00:06:56,833
Nope.
173
00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:03,464
Abe, I never knew
you were so full of...
174
00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:05,508
-(speaking Yiddish)
-What does that mean?
175
00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:06,717
It's like
(speaking Yiddish),
176
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:09,387
but with a pinch more
(speaking Yiddish)
177
00:07:09,470 --> 00:07:11,472
Yep, I may just be
178
00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,641
the best known Abraham
in history.
179
00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:15,560
So, Abe, what else
you got for me?
180
00:07:15,643 --> 00:07:17,311
Hmm, well, let's see.
181
00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:20,314
Ooh, I was working
as a shoeshine boy
182
00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:22,984
at Springfield Union Station.
183
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:25,278
♪♪
184
00:07:28,739 --> 00:07:31,868
Every Monday, the
Tinseltown Starliner would stop
185
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:34,454
at 1:17 p.m. on its way
to Hollywood.
186
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,539
I never rode that train,
187
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:38,833
but I'd palaver
with the movie stars
188
00:07:38,916 --> 00:07:41,961
when they got out
to stretch their legs.
189
00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:44,005
Hiya!
190
00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:51,053
(clicking)
191
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:04,692
But none was more
memorable than...
192
00:08:04,775 --> 00:08:05,568
Clark Gable!
193
00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:07,445
Looks like someone
has seen my work
194
00:08:07,528 --> 00:08:09,405
as an extra in Du Barry,
Woman Of Passion.
195
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:10,740
I sure have, Mr. Gable.
196
00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:12,700
How come you ain't
a star yet?
197
00:08:12,783 --> 00:08:14,702
Maybe my ears are too big.
I don't know.
198
00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:15,870
(laughs)
199
00:08:15,953 --> 00:08:17,747
-Hey, what you
reading there?
-Oh, it's called
200
00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:19,624
Gone with the Wind.
You can have it.
201
00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:22,084
It's only got one swear word,
and not a very good one.
202
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:23,085
Gone with the Wind, eh?
203
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,588
Well, let's see:
garbage, garbage, my line.
204
00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:27,423
Garbage, garbage, my line.
205
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,425
Atlanta burns, nice dresses.
I like it!
206
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,594
Thanks, kid.
207
00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:34,430
Don't tell this story
to anyone for 60 years.
208
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,349
(train whistle blowing)
209
00:08:36,432 --> 00:08:38,392
"Clark Gable owes me a book.
210
00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:40,603
And he never paid me
for the shoeshine.
211
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:42,897
But his big blue eyes
could melt the butter
212
00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:44,690
you kept in your pocket
for lunch.
213
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,734
Lunch butter we called it."
214
00:08:46,817 --> 00:08:49,529
How come Grampa never shared
those stories with us?
215
00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:51,113
He does all the time.
216
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,198
You just never listen.
217
00:08:52,281 --> 00:08:54,659
Marge, my brain is
like a computer,
218
00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:58,746
and I file away Grampa's stories
in a very special place.
219
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,749
(clicking)
220
00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:03,209
(crunching)
221
00:09:03,292 --> 00:09:05,419
Hmm, while I'm up there.
222
00:09:05,836 --> 00:09:06,921
(clicking)
223
00:09:07,004 --> 00:09:09,131
(crunching)
224
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:11,133
(dings)
225
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,969
(chuckles)
226
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:14,303
(beeps)
227
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:15,805
Uh-oh.
228
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:16,973
(dog barking)
229
00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:21,686
-(growling)
-That's it, boy!
Go for the nards!
230
00:09:21,769 --> 00:09:22,728
Bart!
231
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:24,564
If you're not gonna
take care of him right,
232
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:25,982
then give him to me.
233
00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:28,568
How come you don't get mad
when I torment real animals?
234
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,987
I do! It enrages me!
235
00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:33,531
I thought you Hindus were
supposed to love everybody.
236
00:09:33,614 --> 00:09:35,199
I'm a freaking
Buddhist!
237
00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:36,617
A Buddhist!
238
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:41,664
Larry, please don't judge
our whole family by Bart.
239
00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:42,873
He's the black sheep.
240
00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:44,792
I mean, not that black sheep
241
00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:46,294
are in any way inferior
to white sheep.
242
00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:48,004
I do not judge wool
by its color--
243
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,672
only by how itchy it is.
244
00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:50,923
(chuckles)
Ooh, look!
245
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,008
Jazz!
246
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:55,344
Larry, what sub-genre
of jazz do you like?
247
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,013
Fusion? Neo-bop?
248
00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:58,389
Afro-Cuban?
249
00:09:58,472 --> 00:09:59,807
(gasps)
250
00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:01,726
Larry!
251
00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:04,395
Gotcha! (screams)
252
00:10:04,478 --> 00:10:05,605
(water splashing)
253
00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:07,815
Larry? Oh, Larry?
254
00:10:07,898 --> 00:10:09,066
Larry?
255
00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:10,818
Larry?!
256
00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:14,322
You're coming off
desperate, honey.
257
00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:17,742
That's how I got my idea
for a suitcase with wheels,
258
00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:20,828
from watching a commercial
about a suitcase with wheels.
259
00:10:20,911 --> 00:10:21,912
(all sigh)
260
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,331
Hey, Abe,
261
00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:24,832
great stories.
262
00:10:24,915 --> 00:10:27,209
I'm Mitch Albom,
author of Tuesdays with Morrie.
263
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,586
Never heard of you.
264
00:10:28,669 --> 00:10:30,087
Yeah. Sure you haven't.
265
00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:32,465
Take a hike, Hollywood.
266
00:10:32,548 --> 00:10:33,883
I've already got
a college boy
267
00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:36,844
to turn my every word
into syndicated gold.
268
00:10:36,927 --> 00:10:39,096
Yeah, beat it, sports page.
269
00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:41,932
And what if I don't?
270
00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:43,851
(grumbling)
271
00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:47,897
(grumbling)
272
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:50,775
(grumbling)
273
00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:53,611
{\an8}(groans)
274
00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:57,073
Clouds are God's sneezes.
275
00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:58,866
Ooh, I like this kid.
276
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:03,829
(humming)
277
00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:06,749
Oh, Dad, I got you some Scotch.
278
00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:08,042
One of those fancy ones
279
00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:10,544
the checkout lady had
to unlock the cabinet to get.
280
00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:11,754
Well, well, well,
281
00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:14,924
look who decided to visit me
twice in one year.
282
00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:18,135
This man's more of a son to me
than you've ever been.
283
00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:19,845
What the...?!
284
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,890
Well, he's more of a father
to me than you've ever been!
285
00:11:22,973 --> 00:11:24,517
I don't think that's true.
286
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:25,601
Stay out of this, Dad.
287
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,103
Uh, no. O-Okay.
288
00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,980
You only care about me now
because I'm famous.
289
00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:31,232
That's it.
290
00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:32,733
Here's your ring back.
291
00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:33,734
Ring? What ring?
292
00:11:33,818 --> 00:11:35,695
It's a father-son
commitment band
293
00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:37,947
that I bought
and never told you about.
294
00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:40,241
(sobbing)
295
00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:44,453
And now
I'm telling you.
296
00:11:50,334 --> 00:11:52,461
Okay, I need
the stupid lamb back.
297
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,255
He's in here,
safe and sound.
298
00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:56,298
Let me just staple
that bag for you.
299
00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:58,467
(panting)
300
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:03,514
Hmm.
301
00:12:03,597 --> 00:12:04,807
This isn't Larry.
302
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:07,309
It's just cotton balls
on toilet paper rolls.
303
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:08,477
Where's the real Larry?
304
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:09,770
Well, what do you care?
305
00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:11,147
You don't even like him.
306
00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:13,607
Of course I don't,
but other people do.
307
00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:15,901
Hey, Bart, can't wait
to see Larry again.
308
00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:19,697
Um, what if someone
were to lose Larry?
309
00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:23,367
They'd see a dark side of me
no one knows about.
310
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:25,411
♪ Nelson loved a little lamb ♪
311
00:12:25,494 --> 00:12:28,372
♪ Little lamb, little lamb ♪
312
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:30,583
♪ Nelson loved a little lamb ♪
313
00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:33,794
♪ He kept me nice and sane. ♪
314
00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:39,759
(beep)
315
00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:41,093
ABE:
You've reached Abe.
316
00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:42,636
MARSHALL:
And Marshall.
317
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,513
Abe can't come
to the phone right now.
318
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,641
ABE:
And if this is Homer,
you're too late for my love.
319
00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:48,851
(beep)
320
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:49,977
Stupid Grampa.
321
00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:52,062
I try to end the
cycle of neglect,
322
00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:54,440
and he hits me with
some super neglect.
323
00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:56,484
Maybe you're not
really mad at Grampa.
324
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:57,818
Maybe you're mad
at yourself
325
00:12:57,902 --> 00:13:00,404
for taking him for granted
all these years.
326
00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,573
Marge, how can anyone
be mad at himself?
327
00:13:02,656 --> 00:13:04,366
It's impossible. Watch.
328
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:05,701
Why, you little...
329
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,661
(gasps)
Oh, I can't.
330
00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:10,539
When I look at those beautiful
chubby cheeks.
331
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:11,624
Come here, you.
332
00:13:11,707 --> 00:13:13,501
Ow!
333
00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:15,628
Ow! I'll kill you,
you son of a ...!
334
00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:17,546
Oh. No, no,
don't-don't look hurt.
335
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,089
Okay. It's okay.
336
00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:20,424
It's okay.
337
00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:21,801
I'll show Grampa.
338
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,469
I'll find my own
surrogate father
339
00:13:23,552 --> 00:13:26,847
full of heartwarming stories
I can share with the world.
340
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:30,100
And that's how you win
an opium war.
341
00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:32,186
Oh, great stuff.
342
00:13:32,269 --> 00:13:33,521
And the life lesson is?
343
00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:36,857
The Yangtze River swallows
all secrets.
344
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:37,817
Hmm.
345
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:40,903
I'm just gonna put
"Haste makes waste."
346
00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:43,948
Yes, although, these days, I can
make neither haste nor waste.
347
00:13:44,031 --> 00:13:45,491
You know, Simpson,
348
00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:47,493
this has truly been
a lovely afternoon.
349
00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:49,787
Release... a hound.
350
00:13:50,704 --> 00:13:52,748
Isn't that cute?
351
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,625
He thinks he's a pack.
352
00:13:54,708 --> 00:13:56,210
-(barking)
-(yells)
353
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,296
Where'd you get
this rope?
354
00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:00,339
Swiped it
from gym class.
355
00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:01,924
Climb that rope!
356
00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:05,219
There is no rope.
357
00:14:05,302 --> 00:14:07,388
Well, you better get
to the ceiling somehow!
358
00:14:07,471 --> 00:14:08,597
(panting)
359
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,266
-Ceiling, ceiling, ceiling!
-(grunts)
360
00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:12,643
(groaning)
361
00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:14,353
Bart, I'm losing my grip.
362
00:14:14,436 --> 00:14:15,771
Put the rope in your teeth.
363
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,439
What will that do?
364
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:18,816
It'll shut you up.
365
00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:20,776
(grunts)
366
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:21,861
Hmm.
367
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:23,237
Larry?
368
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,614
Larry the Lamb?
369
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:28,242
There you are,
you piece of crap.
370
00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:29,493
-(growling)
-(yells)
371
00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:31,537
There's rats
in my pants!
372
00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:34,248
Chief, my brother fell
in the storm drain!
373
00:14:34,331 --> 00:14:37,710
Um, I'm strictly an
above-the-ground policeman.
374
00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:39,712
What you need is
the sewer cops.
375
00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:40,838
Fine. What's their number?
376
00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:42,047
Lisa, you're old enough now
377
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,674
that I can tell you
the truth.
378
00:14:43,757 --> 00:14:45,885
There's no such thing
as the sewer cops.
379
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:48,721
It's just something we tell kids
to make them feel safe.
380
00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:50,055
What about Bart?
381
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:52,850
Well, if you miss him,
yell into a toilet.
382
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:56,312
BART (echoing):
It's dark down here!
383
00:14:58,856 --> 00:15:01,650
I have a column
I'd like to submit.
384
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:02,943
Pay me whenever.
385
00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:05,112
I'll just take this
to our editor.
386
00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:09,325
(shredder whirring)
387
00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:11,827
Hmm.
388
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:18,584
What?
389
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:21,754
Pulitzer Prize application form?
390
00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:25,841
"When I rode with Abe Simpson
on the Tinseltown Starliner,
391
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:29,595
I never dreamed his first
voyage would be his last?
392
00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:31,639
At 3:00 on Monday,
393
00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:33,849
Abe passed away peacefully
in his sleep."
394
00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:38,896
How would he know
Grampa was going to die today?
395
00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:41,857
Unless he was going to kill him!
396
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,734
But would someone
really kill a man
397
00:15:43,817 --> 00:15:45,778
just to win a Pulitzer Prize?
398
00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:49,031
(music plays dramatic sting)
399
00:15:53,869 --> 00:15:54,703
(gasps)
400
00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:03,671
All aboard the final run
of the Tinseltown Starliner,
401
00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:06,590
the last ride
into a nostalgic past.
402
00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:08,634
Anyone without a ticket
will be beaten
403
00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:10,844
by classic railroad bulls.
404
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,931
♪ Old Dan Tucker
was a fine old man ♪
405
00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:16,684
ALL:
♪ He washed his face
in the frying pan ♪
406
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:18,727
♪ He combed his hair
with a wagon wheel ♪
407
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:21,271
♪ And died of the toothache
in his heel. ♪
408
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:24,233
You don't get a beatin'
like this traveling by plane.
409
00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:25,025
Ow!
410
00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:27,444
I'm finally riding
the Tinseltown Starliner.
411
00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:29,905
I could die a happy man.
412
00:16:36,787 --> 00:16:38,247
(grunts)
413
00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:39,623
(panting)
414
00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:41,709
(grunts)
415
00:16:43,293 --> 00:16:45,629
D'oh!
416
00:16:47,214 --> 00:16:48,382
Drink up, Abe.
417
00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:51,760
Live each moment as if
someone's about to kill you.
418
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,971
I mean,
as if it's your last.
419
00:16:54,054 --> 00:16:56,390
Sorry, my hearing aid's
on the fritz.
420
00:16:56,473 --> 00:16:59,018
The only word
I heard was "kill."
421
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:01,103
(Homer whimpering)
422
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:04,940
Hey. Aah.
423
00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:07,192
Look at that.
424
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:09,278
They've recreated the '30s.
425
00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:11,947
Tent cities,
failing banks.
426
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,240
No, those are real.
427
00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:14,533
(mutters)
428
00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:16,744
(whimpering)
429
00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:17,911
Oh!
430
00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:19,830
HOMER:
Beware of Marshall Goldman!
431
00:17:19,913 --> 00:17:21,373
What was that?
432
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:23,542
Um, an elephant
on a circus train
433
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:24,877
bellowing for
his mother.
434
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:27,629
Oh, I remember the first time
435
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:30,674
an elephant tried to eat me
like a peanut.
436
00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:33,761
I was on the set
of a Warner Brothers cartoon.
437
00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:35,554
Jack Warner came by
and said...
438
00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:38,515
(whimpering)
439
00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:40,309
Hey, Slimu!
440
00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:41,685
(yelling)
441
00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:44,313
Huh?
442
00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:45,773
(laughs)
443
00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:47,775
Yeah, you'd better run!
444
00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:49,026
-(loud mewing)
-(gasps)
445
00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:50,360
Sewer cats!
446
00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:51,361
(yells)
447
00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:53,989
(whimpering)
448
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,282
Larry?!
449
00:17:55,365 --> 00:17:56,825
(grunting)
450
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:57,659
(yowling)
451
00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:59,328
Larry, you saved my life!
452
00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:01,872
You're the most wonderful
stuffed lamb in the world.
453
00:18:01,955 --> 00:18:03,290
I'm sorry
about the mean things I said,
454
00:18:03,373 --> 00:18:05,334
and we'll have the rest
of the weekend to...
455
00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:07,127
Whoa!
456
00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:08,670
(grunts)
457
00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:10,172
Huh?
458
00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:11,882
Larry!
459
00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:13,008
(sobbing)
460
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,135
Man, everybody
loves this guy.
461
00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:16,220
Give him my number.
462
00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:17,429
I'll teach him things.
463
00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:19,389
Things he can use.
464
00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:22,518
(train whistle blows)
465
00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:24,603
The older I get,
466
00:18:24,686 --> 00:18:27,397
the more I like the taste
of hot water.
467
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:28,899
(snoring)
468
00:18:28,982 --> 00:18:31,568
(to "Here Comes the Bride")
♪ Here comes the prize ♪
469
00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:33,112
♪ Pulitzer Prize ♪
470
00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:36,824
♪ I'll finally be successful
in my mother's eyes. ♪
471
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:39,493
A little lower...
472
00:18:39,576 --> 00:18:40,702
A little lower.
473
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:43,163
Drop that pillow!
474
00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:44,540
(yells)
475
00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:47,376
It gets worse.
476
00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:49,002
-Ow!
-Yeah.
477
00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:50,796
(grunts)
478
00:18:50,879 --> 00:18:52,881
See you tomorrow at yoga.
479
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,633
Jane is sick, so
Tricia's filling in.
480
00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:57,052
As long as it's not a dude!
481
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,680
(both grunting)
482
00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:04,268
(choking)
483
00:19:06,019 --> 00:19:08,730
How can you stand up
to this punishment?
484
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:11,191
I'm the toughest
S.O.B. there is--
485
00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:14,153
a biweekly human
interest columnist.
486
00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:17,156
And your father's
gonna make me a fortune.
487
00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:19,116
Pathetic old fool.
488
00:19:19,199 --> 00:19:22,077
Maybe so, but I know
how to play possum.
489
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:23,245
-(grunts)
-Um...
490
00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:24,580
(laughs)
491
00:19:27,374 --> 00:19:28,417
(brakes squealing)
492
00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:30,502
(groans)
493
00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:33,797
So many hat boxes.
494
00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:37,593
Dad, I don't have
the right words
495
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:39,511
to say how I really feel
about you,
496
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:42,931
but at least I know
how to beat up a guy who does.
497
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:46,310
Well, at least
you never tried to kill me.
498
00:19:46,393 --> 00:19:48,645
Just with indifference.
499
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:50,856
You did good, kid.
500
00:19:50,939 --> 00:19:52,858
This is for the shoeshine.
501
00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:54,109
It's a ghost quarter,
502
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,111
but you'll be able
to spend it pretty soon.
503
00:19:57,905 --> 00:20:00,365
So, Grampa,
you really saved Dad's life?
504
00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:01,867
I sure did.
505
00:20:01,950 --> 00:20:04,703
But why don't we let Homer
tell the story?
506
00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:06,872
Really? Me? You mean it?
507
00:20:06,955 --> 00:20:09,833
I think you're ready
for your first ramble.
508
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:12,628
Oh, I've been waiting
for this day for so long.
509
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:14,922
The year is 1946.
510
00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:18,425
In a war-torn world,
a single flower blooms.
511
00:20:18,508 --> 00:20:22,221
And that flower is an angry
Japanese monster named Godzilla.
512
00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:23,639
How am I doing, Dad?
513
00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:26,016
I'm hanging
on every word.
514
00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:28,685
Fortunately, there was
one man who could help--
515
00:20:28,769 --> 00:20:30,270
Colonel Tom Parker.
516
00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:32,814
The Colonel took this monster,
cleaned him up
517
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:34,733
and put him onstage
under the name
518
00:20:34,816 --> 00:20:36,860
The Rolling Stones.
519
00:20:36,944 --> 00:20:38,195
The first concert was a sellout
520
00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:40,739
with many, many,
many people eaten.
521
00:20:40,822 --> 00:20:44,660
But those that survived raved
about the undeniable harmonies
522
00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:48,121
and brutally honest lyrics
of what they had just seen.
523
00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:50,332
And out of the wreckage
of that concert,
524
00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:52,167
crawled a woman, who would
later give birth to me.
525
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,461
Not once but four times.
526
00:20:54,544 --> 00:20:56,880
'Cause in those days,
if they didn't like
the way you looked,
527
00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:59,424
they would send you back in
to bake a little longer.
528
00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:02,970
After four times, they just
decided to cut off my tail.
529
00:21:03,053 --> 00:21:06,014
But you can still see it...
in the British Museum,
530
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:08,475
which, interestingly enough,
is in France.
531
00:21:08,558 --> 00:21:10,143
Not the France
you're thinking of.
532
00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:13,814
But a much better one,
filled with palm trees
and leprechauns.
533
00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:16,984
But I digress.
In fact, I used to be
a professional digressor.
534
00:21:17,067 --> 00:21:18,610
But I don't want
to get off the tracks
535
00:21:18,694 --> 00:21:22,239
so I'll tell you
about the time I was
a professional digressor.
536
00:21:22,322 --> 00:21:24,324
The year was 2021,
537
00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:26,493
and I had just returned
from a brief vacation...
538
00:21:26,576 --> 00:21:28,954
where I'd eaten more
than my fill of tacos.
539
00:21:29,037 --> 00:21:30,831
Not the tacos
you're thinking of.
540
00:21:30,914 --> 00:21:33,875
Did I ever tell you
about the time
I started Gracie Films?
541
00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:34,918
Shh!
542
00:21:35,002 --> 00:21:36,461
HOMER:
Hey, shh yourself!
543
00:21:38,547 --> 00:21:40,590
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