1
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,964
CHORUS SINGS:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:07,090
(tires screeching)
3
00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:09,217
D'oh!
4
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:10,552
(tires screeching)
5
00:00:10,635 --> 00:00:12,178
(grunts)
6
00:00:13,930 --> 00:00:14,889
Hmm-mm...
7
00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:18,560
Doot-doot, doot-doot.
8
00:00:18,643 --> 00:00:20,353
(ringing)
9
00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:22,397
(shrieks, gulps)
10
00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:30,697
{\an8}MARGE:
♪ You like potato ♪
11
00:00:30,780 --> 00:00:32,615
{\an8}HOMER:
♪ And you like po-tah-to ♪
12
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:36,327
{\an8}-♪ You like tomato ♪
-♪ And you like to-mah-to ♪
13
00:00:36,411 --> 00:00:38,163
{\an8}-♪ Potato ♪
-♪ Po-tah-to ♪
14
00:00:38,246 --> 00:00:39,706
{\an8}-♪ Tomato ♪
-♪ To-mah-to ♪
15
00:00:39,789 --> 00:00:44,961
{\an8}♪ Let's call the whole
thing off...ically on ♪
16
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:48,006
{\an8}♪ And toast Valerie
and Dave ♪
17
00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:51,176
{\an8}♪ Togasaki-Rothman! ♪
18
00:00:51,259 --> 00:00:53,094
{\an8}(cheering, applause)
19
00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:54,137
{\an8}You guys will be the hit
20
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:56,431
{\an8}of Cousin Valerie's
wedding reception!
21
00:00:56,514 --> 00:00:58,975
{\an8}Can I just ask,
who the hell says po-tah-to?
22
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,226
{\an8}Songwriters who are stuck.
23
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:01,811
{\an8}Homie, I'm still
a little nervous
24
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:04,189
{\an8}about performing in front
of all those people.
25
00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:05,690
{\an8}Don't worry, sweetie.
26
00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:06,816
{\an8}With me at your side,
27
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{\an8}our toast will do just
what it's supposed to:
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00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,945
{\an8}steal focus from the bride.
29
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{\an8}(chortling, snickering)
30
00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:16,743
{\an8}Why is everyone staring
at static?
31
00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:21,206
{\an8}We don't have one of those
digital conversion gizmos.
32
00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:23,124
{\an8}(Yiddish accent):
I miss the History Channel,
damn it!
33
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:25,210
{\an8}How else would I know
what I lived through?
34
00:01:25,293 --> 00:01:27,629
{\an8}Maybe I should go out
and get you guys a converter.
35
00:01:27,712 --> 00:01:29,506
{\an8}Aw, that's sweet!
36
00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:32,425
{\an8}Here's all the money we would've
given to televangelists.
37
00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:35,095
{\an8}Wow! How long has
the TV been out?
38
00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:36,304
{\an8}'Bout ten minutes.
39
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:42,894
{\an8}Fore!
40
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{\an8}Oh, I feel like
I'm mashing the tufty
41
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{\an8}on the links at St. Andrew's!
42
00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:49,984
{\an8}Sir, your cheeks
are ruddy!
43
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:52,862
{\an8}Did you eat a sugar cube
when I wasn't watching?
44
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,155
{\an8}No, it's all thanks
45
00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:56,825
{\an8}to this self-powered
experience approximater!
46
00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:58,701
{\an8}I've never seen
Mr. Burns this happy.
47
00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:00,578
{\an8}(face crackling)
48
00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:03,289
{\an8}Just think what that game could
do for Grampa and his friends!
49
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:07,460
{\an8}(soldiers screaming)
50
00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:12,924
{\an8}Wait, I'm shooting
at Nazis?
51
00:02:13,007 --> 00:02:15,051
{\an8}That's not
how I remember it.
52
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,386
{\an8}HOMER:
See you at 5:00
53
00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:18,888
{\an8}on the dot.
Phone kisses!
54
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:21,891
{\an8}(singsongy):
♪ Homer's got a girlfriend! ♪
55
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{\an8}She's not my girlfriend.
56
00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:26,312
{\an8}She's a girl who I married,
who used to be my friend.
57
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{\an8}Hey, what's
your fortune say?
58
00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:31,484
{\an8}"You will enjoy the
company of others."
59
00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:33,945
{\an8}Wow! That's exactly what
I'm enjoying right now!
60
00:02:34,028 --> 00:02:35,738
{\an8}-Spooky.
-Mine says,
61
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:38,283
{\an8}"Something you lost
will soon turn up."
62
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{\an8}(gasps)
My faith in the Lord.
63
00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:41,744
{\an8}It came back!
64
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:44,164
{\an8}"Today is your lucky day."
65
00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:45,540
{\an8}Yeah, pfft!
66
00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:46,666
{\an8}Hey, Homer, if I was you,
67
00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:48,209
{\an8}I wouldn't be so quick
to say "pfft."
68
00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:50,170
{\an8}Yeah, these cookies are
on the up-and-up now,
69
00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:52,213
{\an8}according to the only
honest newspaper:
70
00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:54,924
the Beijing Daily Worker.
See?
71
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,384
{\an8}If it's your lucky day,
72
00:02:56,467 --> 00:02:58,386
{\an8}you'd be a fool not to
take advantage of it.
73
00:02:58,469 --> 00:03:00,013
{\an8}Hey, any part of a cookie
you can't eat
74
00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:01,598
{\an8}is just a waste of time.
75
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:03,683
{\an8}(screams)
76
00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:07,437
{\an8}-(happy shriek)
-What incredible
good luck!
77
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,231
{\an8}Just as the cookie foretold.
78
00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:18,573
{\an8}Hmm! Maybe this is my lucky day.
79
00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:20,200
{\an8}A disc?!
80
00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,410
{\an8}Please be compact.
Please be compact!
81
00:03:22,493 --> 00:03:23,661
{\an8}Whoo-hoo!
82
00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,997
{\an8}Here we go.
83
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:30,001
{\an8}♪ Ooh, what a lucky man ♪
84
00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:33,004
{\an8}-♪ He was ♪
-HOMER: ♪ I is! ♪
85
00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:36,174
{\an8}(mimicking synthesizer)
86
00:03:36,257 --> 00:03:43,723
{\an8}♪ Boo-weee-boo-weee-wee,
doo-doo-dee-dee-doo-doo ♪
87
00:03:43,806 --> 00:03:47,060
♪ Boo-weee-boo-weee-wee,
doo-doo-dee-dee-doo-doo... ♪
88
00:03:47,143 --> 00:03:48,311
Huh?!
89
00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:50,647
Holy moly!
90
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,357
If it's your lucky day,
91
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,817
you'd be a fool not to
take advantage of it.
92
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,152
There's no time!
93
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,279
I need you
for the wedding toast!
94
00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:01,950
My hair!
95
00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:03,701
(screams)
96
00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:05,078
Now let's get
that ticket.
97
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:09,916
Come on, line, move!
98
00:04:09,999 --> 00:04:11,542
Maybe it'll speed
up if I make
99
00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:13,628
"Oh, can you believe
this" noises.
100
00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:15,046
Oh. Oh.
101
00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:18,299
Oh, for goodness sakes!
102
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Oh!
103
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Oh! (grunts)
104
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APU: Mm-hmm.
Thank you. Come again.
105
00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:27,016
Who is next?
106
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Oh. Hello.
107
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Hmm...
108
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{\an8}Yo no creía en fortunas,
109
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{\an8}pero entonces me salió
una galleta...
110
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{\an8}Sí, sí.
111
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:37,860
{\an8}...que decía que hoy
era mi día dichoso.
112
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,195
{\an8}Primero no lo creí,
113
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,822
{\an8}pero entonces me caí
114
00:04:40,905 --> 00:04:43,074
{\an8}contra la máquina de
dulces, ay, ay, ay!
115
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,785
-(Marge groans)
-And now,
116
00:04:45,868 --> 00:04:49,330
Valerie and Dave will
deliver their own vows,
117
00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:53,293
because my vows, apparently,
weren't good enough.
118
00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:55,837
Show me how
it's done, Dave.
119
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,547
"Valerie,
120
00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:58,965
even though you're
a Starbucks girl,
121
00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:00,800
and I'm a Seattle's
Best guy,
122
00:05:00,883 --> 00:05:03,428
I know we can focus on the
things we have in common--
123
00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:05,596
like Mad Men,
season two!"
124
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,056
(all chuckle and coo)
125
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:08,266
I give it a year.
126
00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:10,560
Homer! Where are you?
127
00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:11,686
I'm almost there.
128
00:05:11,769 --> 00:05:13,271
I can see the church steeple
in the distance.
129
00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:16,774
Uh-oh! Here comes a train.
130
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:18,651
(mimicking chugging)
131
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:21,571
-(mimicking whistle)
-(mimicking clanging)
132
00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:23,823
(train sounds continue)
133
00:05:23,906 --> 00:05:26,993
(chugging, whistling,
clanging continue)
134
00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:29,412
HOMER (imitating conductor):
Tickets, please.
135
00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:30,913
Hey, where's your ticket?
136
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,415
(imitating man):
Leave me alone!
137
00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:34,042
(imitating conductor):
Why you little...
138
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,376
(imitating man):
No, don't do it, sir!
139
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,128
He's strangling me!
I'm gonna choke!
140
00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:41,466
Good evening, Mr. Homer,
how can I...?
141
00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:42,759
No time to pretend
we're friends!
142
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:43,801
Lotto me!
143
00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:47,138
"1-6-17-22-24-35."
144
00:05:47,221 --> 00:05:49,223
I did it! I'm gonna make it!
145
00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:58,524
♪ You like potato... ♪
146
00:06:00,401 --> 00:06:04,572
♪ You like tomato... ♪
147
00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:06,282
(all murmuring, groaning)
148
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,785
♪ Potato... ♪
149
00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:11,579
♪ Tomato... ♪
150
00:06:11,662 --> 00:06:14,415
♪ Let's call
the whole thing... ♪
151
00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:17,126
(sobbing)
152
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:19,545
I'm a-comin', Marge!
153
00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:21,798
Let him go, Lou.
154
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:24,759
Someone going that fast
has no time for a ticket.
155
00:06:24,842 --> 00:06:26,135
(clears throat,
microphone feedback squeals)
156
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,096
Okay, who's ready
157
00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:31,766
for a wedding-themed
knock-knock joke?
158
00:06:31,849 --> 00:06:33,017
Whoa!
159
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:34,185
Start the joke!
160
00:06:34,268 --> 00:06:35,728
Um, knock-knock?
161
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,730
-Who's there?
-I don't know.
162
00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:39,148
Did I hear "lettuce"?
163
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,817
-Not from me, you didn't.
-(grunts)
164
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,443
Lettuce who?
165
00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:44,487
I don't know!
166
00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:46,155
(all booing)
167
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,116
Don't drag your kid into this!
168
00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:49,325
Lettuce...
169
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,661
congratulate the new couple.
170
00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:54,455
Why won't she stop?!
171
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,249
(sobbing)
172
00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:58,459
There, there.
There, there, sweetie.
173
00:06:58,543 --> 00:06:59,627
(tires squealing)
174
00:06:59,710 --> 00:07:00,670
I'm gonna make it!
175
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:02,130
-(phone ringing)
-I'm gonna make it!
176
00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:06,384
I didn't make it?
177
00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:10,555
(screaming)
178
00:07:10,638 --> 00:07:13,891
Here I am, about to start
my new life in Springfield!
179
00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:15,059
(Homer screaming)
180
00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:16,686
(chuckles)
What an idiot!
181
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:19,021
This is the perfect time
for my catchphrase:
182
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,899
"Soon you will be mi..."
183
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,569
(screaming)
184
00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:28,030
(crash, Homer grunts)
185
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:29,282
(heart monitor beeping)
186
00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:30,700
Homie?
187
00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:32,994
Homie, can you hear me?
188
00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:36,956
Oh, thank God,
you're okay!
189
00:07:37,039 --> 00:07:38,499
(sighs)
I'm alive!
190
00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:41,377
And surrounded by the
people I love the most in the--
191
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,087
Could you scooch over a bit?
192
00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:44,922
Our top story:
193
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:48,342
Last night's big lotto winner
has still not come forward.
194
00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:53,389
Once again, those numbers are:
1-6-17-22-24 and 35.
195
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:56,142
HOMER:
A million dollars!
196
00:07:56,225 --> 00:07:57,852
Now I'm really glad
I didn't die!
197
00:07:57,935 --> 00:07:59,770
The mysterious winner
purchased the ticket
198
00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:02,398
at 7:07 last night.
199
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:03,733
7:07?
200
00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:06,611
That's exactly the moment
I was furious at you
201
00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:07,987
for missing our toast.
202
00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:10,698
And now I'm the one
who has to ask:
203
00:08:10,781 --> 00:08:12,742
Can you forgive me?
204
00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:14,327
Oh, I'll try.
205
00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:15,244
Wait!
206
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:16,996
If I tell Marge I won,
207
00:08:17,079 --> 00:08:18,831
she'll know I was
buying the ticket
208
00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:20,958
when I was supposed
to be onstage with her.
209
00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:24,253
Oh, I'm rich and I can't
even tell my own wife!
210
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:25,922
(rapid beeping)
211
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:26,964
Calm down, Homer.
212
00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:28,883
Calm down.
213
00:08:28,966 --> 00:08:30,635
(steady beeping)
214
00:08:30,718 --> 00:08:31,886
(flatline tone)
215
00:08:31,969 --> 00:08:34,722
Wow, I do look pretty
calm down there.
216
00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:37,433
(shrieks)
217
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,810
(mumbling)
218
00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:42,396
(chuckling)
219
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:48,861
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Orchard Avenue Kwik-E-Mart,
220
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:51,239
birthplace of the yardstick
on the doorframe
221
00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:53,241
that tells you how tall
your robber was,
222
00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:55,910
is proud to announce
its latest lotto victor.
223
00:08:55,993 --> 00:08:57,537
Mr. Barney Gumble!
224
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,622
Mm-hmm!
225
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:02,041
That's right!
I bought the winning ticket!
226
00:09:02,124 --> 00:09:04,335
And now I can buy back
all the blood I sold!
227
00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:07,338
Mm-hmm!
228
00:09:07,421 --> 00:09:09,632
(chuckles)
Actually, after taxes,
229
00:09:09,715 --> 00:09:11,759
the amount you will
receive is...
230
00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:16,597
This money will go to partially
cover the cost of a study
231
00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:19,225
to decide what to do
with the money.
232
00:09:19,308 --> 00:09:21,102
(all cheering)
233
00:09:28,025 --> 00:09:31,070
Barn, thanks for picking
up the money for me.
234
00:09:32,321 --> 00:09:33,364
(chuckles)
235
00:09:33,447 --> 00:09:35,283
Now, what should I buy first?
236
00:09:35,366 --> 00:09:36,909
Hitler's baseball?
237
00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:39,412
A mirror that gives me advice?
238
00:09:39,495 --> 00:09:41,789
My advice is to buy
Hitler's baseball.
239
00:09:41,872 --> 00:09:42,957
Wait a minute, Homer!
240
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,542
You can't spend
any of that money
241
00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:46,460
or Marge will
know you lied.
242
00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:48,129
Oh, yeah.
243
00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:52,883
Marge, what are you doing?
244
00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,552
(sighing):
The laundry.
245
00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:55,761
The machine's on the fritz,
246
00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:59,181
and we can't afford
the $400 to fix it.
247
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,891
(groans)
248
00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:02,685
Here I am a millionaire,
249
00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:05,229
and I can't even help the woman
who gave birth to me.
250
00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:08,149
Why don't you just buy things
your family needs,
251
00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:10,610
and leave them where
they'll find them?
252
00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:12,445
Oh, Barney,
that's brilliant!
253
00:10:12,528 --> 00:10:14,280
Just for that,
you can help yourself
254
00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:16,240
to anything from this tree.
255
00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:17,783
That's not the
money tree.
256
00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:18,993
I know.
257
00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:22,455
It's where I hide
my adult magazines.
258
00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,457
Ooh...!
259
00:10:27,918 --> 00:10:30,129
Oh, wow!
260
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:35,509
All right, it's all hooked up.
261
00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:39,263
(all murmuring, grumbling)
262
00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:40,514
This isn't normal TV.
263
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:42,099
It's a video game
that encourages
264
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:43,893
activity and exercise.
265
00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:45,311
(all grunting)
266
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:47,688
Please, at least
try the tennis game.
267
00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:51,525
Hmm...
268
00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:54,028
My puppet-- with this
wand I control it how--
269
00:10:54,111 --> 00:10:55,488
by jumping?
270
00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:57,323
You use the wand
like a tennis racket
271
00:10:57,406 --> 00:10:59,992
to hit an invisible ball.
272
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:01,702
(chuckles)
Look at me!
273
00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:03,788
I'm big Bill Tilden!
274
00:11:03,871 --> 00:11:06,540
I think I'm looking
at a poop later.
275
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:07,375
Hey!
276
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:09,168
(grunting, laughing)
277
00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:14,882
Catch, boy!
278
00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:18,135
Oops, the Frisbee went
into the bushes.
279
00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:20,137
Why don't you go find it?
280
00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:21,514
You threw it, you go find it.
281
00:11:21,597 --> 00:11:23,724
Why, you little...
(grunts)
282
00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:24,934
-(thud)
-Ow!
283
00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:26,560
There's a big box in here!
284
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:28,896
A box? No way!
285
00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:31,899
A new washing machine?
286
00:11:31,982 --> 00:11:33,275
No way!
287
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:35,820
That's just what we need!
288
00:11:35,903 --> 00:11:37,321
But how are going
to get it home?
289
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:40,491
You, go rent us a truck.
290
00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:43,160
Ow!
291
00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:46,414
(Mendelssohn's Fourth Symphony,
First Movement playing)
292
00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:48,207
(playing sour notes)
293
00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:54,380
(Fourth Symphony continues)
294
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,738
(music crescendos)
295
00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:36,464
(Fourth Symphony,
First Movement ends)
296
00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:37,840
And now, Marge's
secret benefactor
297
00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:40,509
is going to get her the luxury
she's always dreamed of:
298
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:43,846
a toaster wide enough
for bagels.
299
00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:47,641
I'll just take out a little
money from my "local branch."
300
00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:48,809
(grunts)
301
00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:51,937
Hmm... Not as much money
as there used to be.
302
00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:53,564
-Homer?
What are you doing?
-Huh?
303
00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:54,899
Why... I'm just...
304
00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:56,859
(bone cracks, Home screams)
305
00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:58,861
(wailing):
Ow...!
306
00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:01,113
(crying):
Yow...!
307
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:04,116
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
308
00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:07,328
There's money
in this tree.
309
00:13:07,411 --> 00:13:08,662
What the hell is going on?
310
00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:10,331
Lenny... and Carl--
311
00:13:10,414 --> 00:13:11,749
A fortune cookie...
312
00:13:11,832 --> 00:13:15,169
and then I ran into
the candy machine,
313
00:13:15,252 --> 00:13:17,505
and I-I found an Emerson,
Lake, and Palmer...
314
00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:19,799
(mumbling):
And there was a...
315
00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:22,426
♪ Ooh-wee, bah-doo, bah-doo,
bah-doo, bah-doo, bah-doo... ♪
316
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:24,512
♪ Bah-doo... ♪
(groans)
317
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:32,645
Okay, let me get this straight:
You got all this moola,
318
00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:34,146
legitimately,
but you're too scared
319
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:35,940
to do anything fun
with it?
320
00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:37,817
Son, if I was interested
in fun,
321
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:40,653
I would've run away the
day you were born.
322
00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:42,530
Look, man, you've got to enjoy
yourself a little.
323
00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:46,158
You work hard, or at least
you're out of the house a lot.
324
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:47,493
You're right.
325
00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:50,079
I have been acting
like Telethon Jerry Lewis
326
00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:51,539
when I should've been acting
327
00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:53,123
like rest-of-the-year
Jerry Lewis.
328
00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:55,334
Will you teach me how
to put myself first?
329
00:13:55,417 --> 00:13:57,211
And how!
330
00:13:57,294 --> 00:13:58,879
MOE:
Not so fast!
331
00:13:58,963 --> 00:13:59,964
(gasps)
332
00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:02,049
Don't forget my cut.
333
00:14:02,132 --> 00:14:03,592
Uh... your cut of what?
334
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,553
I don't know.
I just go around saying that,
335
00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:07,513
in the hope it'll be applicable.
336
00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:09,014
I'll be on my way now.
337
00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:10,391
(hums happily)
On my way...
338
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:15,855
("Viva La Vida" by Coldplay
playing)
339
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:17,565
-♪ Oh... ♪
-BART: Wait!
340
00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:19,817
I have to go to the bathroom!
341
00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:24,655
So, where are you from, Homer?
342
00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:25,614
Here.
343
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:26,615
(slurps loudly)
344
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:27,867
Mm-hmm!
345
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,034
♪ Oh... ♪
346
00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:30,077
Wait!
347
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,120
Yes, Homer?
348
00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:32,371
Do you think you could
349
00:14:32,454 --> 00:14:34,373
use someone like me
in your band?
350
00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:35,207
Yeah, come on up.
351
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:36,709
You can play the tambourine.
352
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:40,170
I said someone like me,
I didn't say me.
353
00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:44,008
♪ Oh, o-oh... ♪
354
00:14:44,091 --> 00:14:45,259
PILOT:
Here we go, folks,
355
00:14:45,342 --> 00:14:48,596
the ultimate zero gravity
experience!
356
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:50,973
(giggles)
Look at me!
357
00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:52,182
I'm flying,
358
00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:54,101
like Superman's dog!
359
00:14:54,184 --> 00:14:55,185
Race you to the cockpit!
360
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:58,397
(both belching)
361
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:07,865
(grunts)
I'm gonna call you
Benson and Hedges
362
00:15:07,948 --> 00:15:10,409
'cause you're
gettin' smoked!
363
00:15:13,954 --> 00:15:15,331
Lisa, thanks
to your new whatsis,
364
00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:16,665
we're as fit as fiddles.
365
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:17,499
Nurse!
366
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:20,920
Another round of waters
in your finest paper cups!
367
00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:25,841
(grunts)
368
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,718
I'm gonna need a little
Ben Gay for this shoulder.
369
00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:31,555
I'd like a fresh pair
of socks tomorrow.
370
00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:32,890
A matching pair.
371
00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:34,391
I want to put salt
on things!
372
00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:36,060
Tell me what my name is!
373
00:15:36,143 --> 00:15:37,186
Take away my
roommate!
374
00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:38,646
He's dead!
375
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,524
PILOT:
Folks, it's time
for our final run.
376
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:43,901
No way!
377
00:15:43,984 --> 00:15:45,694
I want to go a million
more times!
378
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:46,862
Sorry, boy.
379
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,030
You have school tomorrow.
380
00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:49,657
Rich kids don't
need school!
381
00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:51,825
When I grow up, you can
buy an apartment building
382
00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:53,202
and make me the super.
383
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:54,161
With that attitude,
384
00:15:54,244 --> 00:15:56,121
you'll never super
in one of my buildings!
385
00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:58,624
Boy, I am through
spoiling you.
386
00:15:58,707 --> 00:16:00,084
First thing tomorrow,
you're going back
387
00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:02,169
to the rotten life
you've always enjoyed.
388
00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:03,295
Oh, yeah?
389
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:04,630
If you don't keep
splashing the cash,
390
00:16:04,713 --> 00:16:06,757
I'm gonna tell Mom that
it's thanks to you
391
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,134
she made the first bad
wedding toast ever.
392
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:10,302
(gasps)
393
00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:13,555
Blackmail your father
in space, will you?!
394
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,724
(Homer yells angrily
then screams in fear)
395
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,184
D'oh!
396
00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:21,230
(Bart laughing)
397
00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:24,358
Oh... D'oh!
398
00:16:24,441 --> 00:16:25,693
D'oh!
399
00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:27,820
(manically laughing)
400
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:32,533
(all moaning)
401
00:16:32,616 --> 00:16:33,951
Why is the TV
back on?
402
00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:35,077
What happened
to the video game?
403
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,578
Oh, the video game.
404
00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:37,997
You'd think it'd be
dishwasher safe,
405
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,748
but it wasn't.
406
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,209
LISA:
Why would you put it
in the dishwasher?
407
00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:44,878
(gasps)
408
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:46,255
You ruined it on purpose.
409
00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:48,340
You want the old folks
to be zombies,
410
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:50,300
because it makes
your jobs easier!
411
00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:53,012
Ooh, excuse us.
412
00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:56,223
We tried to make the worst
job in the world easier.
413
00:16:56,306 --> 00:16:58,934
Well, I agree it's not the most
pleasant job in the world...
414
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,729
Don't forget the low pay and
the constant presence of death.
415
00:17:01,812 --> 00:17:03,772
Well, you still should have
let them have their fun!
416
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:06,692
They should've had their fun
before they got here.
417
00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:08,027
(groans)
418
00:17:12,656 --> 00:17:14,783
Who's ready for panini?
419
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,076
Up-- that's
my chair, boy.
420
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,411
No problem.
421
00:17:17,494 --> 00:17:19,913
I'll just sit here,
closer to Mom's ear.
422
00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:23,709
Mom, how do you think we really
got that panini press?
423
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:25,627
I thought the government
sent it to us
424
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,379
as part of the
stimulus package.
425
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:29,089
At least that's what
the letter said.
426
00:17:30,966 --> 00:17:32,760
Well, actually, Mom...
427
00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:34,928
Uh! On second
thought, boy,
428
00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:37,806
why don't you
take my chair?
429
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:41,310
So, Bart, how's your big school
presentation coming along?
430
00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:43,395
Oh, great, now that
Dad's gonna star in it.
431
00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:44,938
I agreed to no
such thing!
432
00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:46,607
Mom...
433
00:17:46,690 --> 00:17:48,442
-Where and what time?
-Homeroom, 8:00 a.m.
434
00:17:48,525 --> 00:17:50,152
-Never!
-Mom...
435
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:52,029
(sighs)
What do I wear?
436
00:17:52,112 --> 00:17:54,031
Behold, Neanderthal man,
437
00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:55,783
our ugliest, stupidest ancestor.
438
00:17:55,866 --> 00:17:57,409
(kids laugh)
439
00:17:57,493 --> 00:17:59,870
Come on, missing link,
put on a show.
440
00:17:59,953 --> 00:18:03,332
(growling)
441
00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:05,292
(all laugh)
442
00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:06,376
-Make a fire!
-(grunting)
443
00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:07,836
-Be scared of the fire!
-(yelps)
444
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,338
-Evolve! Evolve!
-(grunting)
445
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:10,839
Get religious
about a bird you see!
446
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:11,882
(chittering)
447
00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:13,801
Sprain your ankle and know
it's a death sentence!
448
00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:15,302
(groaning)
449
00:18:15,385 --> 00:18:16,637
(laughs)
450
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:17,888
(panting)
451
00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:19,473
Very good, Bart.
452
00:18:19,556 --> 00:18:21,350
Can I get extra credit for
a caveman break dance?
453
00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:22,643
Of course.
454
00:18:22,726 --> 00:18:24,019
(groans)
455
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:27,147
(singing gibberish
with a hip-hop rhythm)
456
00:18:37,574 --> 00:18:41,161
Homer, I need you to rickshaw
me to soccer practice.
457
00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:42,621
(groans)
Fine.
458
00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:44,957
Let me just get
my harness pads.
459
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:46,708
No time.
460
00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:50,170
(gasping)
461
00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:56,760
Boy, this has gone too far!
462
00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:57,928
I quit!
463
00:18:58,011 --> 00:18:59,555
Soon as I finish
these oats.
464
00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:00,931
Hey, hey, hey.
465
00:19:01,014 --> 00:19:02,015
Let's not get crazy.
466
00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:04,143
If you quit, I'm telling
Mom everything.
467
00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:06,019
Not if I tell her first.
468
00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:08,856
(moans)
469
00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:11,692
Now how am I supposed to
get to soccer practice?
470
00:19:11,775 --> 00:19:13,819
Hey, Milhouse, want a turn
pulling my rickshaw?
471
00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:15,988
Okay, but just 'cause
I'm your best friend,
472
00:19:16,071 --> 00:19:18,991
don't be afraid
to use that whip.
473
00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:22,870
Okay, I'm taking off
the blindfold.
474
00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:24,788
Surprised?
475
00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:26,039
Well, I kind of got a clue
476
00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:28,667
when I heard that
"ballooning safety" video.
477
00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:31,336
Marge, soaring above the
forgiving beauty of nature,
478
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:33,672
I have something
to confess.
479
00:19:33,755 --> 00:19:37,050
Um... I wasn't there
for that wedding toast
480
00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:39,720
because I was buying
a lottery ticket.
481
00:19:39,803 --> 00:19:41,054
You were what?!
482
00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:42,890
You have a right to be angry.
Furious!
483
00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:45,517
And even though that ticket
won a million dollars...
484
00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:47,269
We've got a million dollars?!
485
00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:48,854
Screw the toast!
486
00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:50,856
Uh, yes, well, um...
487
00:19:50,939 --> 00:19:52,524
taxes took out a lot,
488
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:54,943
I spent a ton on those
things for the family,
489
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:58,197
and, um, I didn't know
you could rent a balloon.
490
00:19:58,280 --> 00:19:59,948
(sighs)
So we're right back
491
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,075
where we used to be.
492
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:05,204
Yes, but I have one more
thing to show you.
493
00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:08,832
{\an8}MARGE:
Oh... my... God!
494
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:11,001
Marge, those groves
of cherry blossoms
495
00:20:11,084 --> 00:20:13,253
will bloom every year,
496
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,255
to remind the world
of the sweetest,
497
00:20:15,339 --> 00:20:18,008
most forgiving woman
who ever lived.
498
00:20:18,091 --> 00:20:20,010
Am I off the hook?
499
00:20:20,093 --> 00:20:23,263
♪ You like potato ♪
500
00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:26,808
♪ And you like po-tah-to ♪
501
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:29,561
♪ You like tomato ♪
502
00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:33,190
♪ And you like to-mah-to ♪
503
00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:36,026
BOTH:
♪ So if you go for oysters ♪
504
00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:37,361
♪ And I go for ersters ♪
505
00:20:37,444 --> 00:20:39,446
♪ I'll order oysters ♪
506
00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:41,240
♪ And cancel the ersters ♪
507
00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:45,077
♪ For we know we need
each other, so we ♪
508
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:48,205
♪ Better call
the calling off off ♪
509
00:20:48,288 --> 00:20:54,044
♪ Let's call
the whole thing off! ♪
510
00:21:41,758 --> 00:21:43,552
-DRIVER: Soon you will be m--
-Shh!
511
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:48,974
{\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem