1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,964 -CHORUS SINGS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ -(vintage car horn honks) 2 00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:07,632 (tires screeching) 3 00:00:08,633 --> 00:00:09,759 D'oh. 4 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,344 (tires screeching) 5 00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:12,262 (grunts) 6 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,310 (gasps) 7 00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:30,113 Okay kids, time to apply the final "date night" touch. 8 00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:33,366 {\an8}Lisa, spray just a hint of perfume on my neck. 9 00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:36,369 {\an8}Bart, you tell me this dress doesn't make me look fat. 10 00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:37,912 {\an8}And now! 11 00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:39,247 {\an8}-(mist spritzing) -You don't look fat. 12 00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:40,248 {\an8}Thank you! 13 00:00:40,331 --> 00:00:41,791 {\an8}(bird squawks) 14 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,918 {\an8}-(spritzing) -Homer, you don't look fat. 15 00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:45,253 {\an8}(chuckling): Oh, Carl! 16 00:00:45,336 --> 00:00:47,964 {\an8}You're a liar, but I love it. 17 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,008 {\an8}Date night: it's the embalming fluid 18 00:00:50,091 --> 00:00:52,302 {\an8}that keeps the mummy of a marriage fresh 19 00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:53,428 {\an8}after the heart and brain have been 20 00:00:53,511 --> 00:00:55,221 {\an8}pulled out through the nose. 21 00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:59,017 {\an8}Ugh, I never should've given you that Egyptology book. 22 00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:01,978 {\an8}Gentlemen, I'm afraid we've detected a small leak 23 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:05,440 {\an8}somewhere in the heavy water piping facility. 24 00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:07,567 {\an8}Don't leave until you find that leak! 25 00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:09,235 {\an8}Uh, Mr. Burns, couldn't we patch the leak tomorrow? 26 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:10,820 {\an8}It's date night. 27 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:11,946 {\an8}Oh, indeed it is. 28 00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:14,115 {\an8}Tonight I will be continuing my courtship 29 00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:16,785 {\an8}of Princess Wilhelmina of Prussia. 30 00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:17,911 {\an8}(whimpers) 31 00:01:17,994 --> 00:01:19,913 {\an8}Tonight's the night I pop the question: 32 00:01:19,996 --> 00:01:22,248 {\an8}Where is the Kaiser's gold? 33 00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:24,667 {\an8}Now get to work on that leak! 34 00:01:27,128 --> 00:01:29,005 {\an8}(sighs disconsolately) 35 00:01:31,716 --> 00:01:35,136 {\an8}TV ANNOUNCER: We now return to: 36 00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:38,473 Angelo stood me up on date night, so I showed him: 37 00:01:38,556 --> 00:01:41,184 I had one of my boobs reduced. 38 00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:43,728 You're one smart cookie, Rosemary. 39 00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:46,022 That left boob was too good for him. 40 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:46,940 (clink) 41 00:01:47,023 --> 00:01:48,525 HOUSEWIFE: We're appalling! 42 00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:49,651 {\an8}(TV turns off) 43 00:01:49,734 --> 00:01:51,486 {\an8}I'm sorry I missed dinner, honey. 44 00:01:51,569 --> 00:01:52,779 {\an8}We still have time to catch a movie. 45 00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:55,365 {\an8}-That can be romantic. -Really? 46 00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:56,783 {\an8}How romantic? 47 00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:59,119 {\an8}It'll make a walk on the beach 48 00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:01,454 {\an8}seem like a punch in the face. 49 00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:02,664 {\an8}Whoa! 50 00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,793 {\an8}Did you call the furnace man? 51 00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:09,796 {\an8}-You said you were gonna call him! -He's your cousin! 52 00:02:09,879 --> 00:02:11,005 {\an8}-Well, maybe we can just get through -(chewing ice) 53 00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:12,632 {\an8}-the winter without heat. -(cell phone rings) 54 00:02:12,715 --> 00:02:13,925 {\an8}Guess I'll have to take care of this 55 00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:16,177 {\an8}-like I took care of your speeding tickets! -(crunching ice) 56 00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:19,097 {\an8}(sighs) It's so noisy in here. 57 00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:22,225 {\an8}I can't hear the ad telling everyone to be quiet! 58 00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:23,768 {\an8}Hey, we came here to enjoy the movie, 59 00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,270 {\an8}and we're going to enjoy the movie. 60 00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:28,064 {\an8}We're out of here. 61 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,567 {\an8}This isn't fair; I want romance. 62 00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:31,985 {\an8}How about bromance? 63 00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:32,944 {\an8}It's not the same. 64 00:02:33,027 --> 00:02:34,028 {\an8}Dude... 65 00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:36,406 {\an8}I'm not a dude, I'm a hottie. 66 00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:40,034 {\an8}This bromance just got interesting. 67 00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:41,202 {\an8}(groans, gasps) 68 00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:43,329 {\an8}Ooh, ice skating. 69 00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:46,249 {\an8}A sport that encourages hand-holding. 70 00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:49,335 {\an8}Would you like to wear mittens or go commando? 71 00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:51,171 {\an8}Oh! (giggling) 72 00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:53,464 {\an8}Oh! 73 00:02:53,548 --> 00:02:56,926 {\an8}-Why not? -Sorry, no skating tonight. 74 00:02:59,387 --> 00:03:01,890 {\an8}What, they come here on Saturday night to clean the ice? 75 00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:03,057 {\an8}Losers. 76 00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:04,684 {\an8}Actually, it's called "curling." 77 00:03:04,767 --> 00:03:07,270 {\an8}Players slide the heavy stones toward the circle, or "house," 78 00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:09,647 {\an8}as teammates control the direction and speed of the stone 79 00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:12,442 {\an8}by sweeping in front of it with a special broom. 80 00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:14,777 {\an8}Marge, this is perfect for both of us! 81 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,405 {\an8}It's got bowling for me and sweeping for you. 82 00:03:17,488 --> 00:03:18,656 {\an8}Maybe you'd like to give it a try? 83 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:21,534 {\an8}Mm... hmm. 84 00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:25,371 Let us curl, milady. 85 00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,207 Let us throw and sweep a'twain 86 00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:28,666 until the Heavens themselves 87 00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,710 drop their jaws in wonder and envy! 88 00:03:30,793 --> 00:03:33,254 And afterwards there'll be beer and cocoa, 89 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:35,173 with marshmallows floating in the foam. 90 00:03:35,256 --> 00:03:37,634 And if, from now till the end of time, 91 00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:39,969 someone should ask what we were doing 92 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,096 on the eve of the 17th of November, 93 00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:44,557 we shall proclaim that 94 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:48,311 we... were... curling! 95 00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:51,189 This is what you're like when you don't drink! 96 00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:54,317 (orchestral waltz playing) 97 00:04:17,882 --> 00:04:18,633 Young woman. 98 00:04:18,716 --> 00:04:20,093 Where'd you learn to sweep like that? 99 00:04:20,176 --> 00:04:22,220 I've been training all my life. 100 00:04:22,303 --> 00:04:24,847 I once swept red wine off a white carpet. 101 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:26,849 I like your style, Blue. 102 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,142 Want to join our team? 103 00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:29,852 If Homer can join with me. 104 00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,980 Fine. You two are off the team. 105 00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:33,648 I see. 106 00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:36,859 Well, I guess we can return these bodysuits to the store. 107 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:37,777 Hmm. 108 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,572 {\an8}So, we'd just thrown a biter, 109 00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:43,616 and Homer said to kick harder off the hack. 110 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,995 So I did and I almost fouled the hog line! 111 00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:48,204 (laughing) 112 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,831 Exciting, exciting. 113 00:04:49,914 --> 00:04:52,625 I just have one question: Is curling a real thing? 114 00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:55,253 Yeah, or is it just a cover story for a grown-up thing 115 00:04:55,336 --> 00:04:56,754 we're not allowed to know about? 116 00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:57,964 Yeah, like the time you said 117 00:04:58,047 --> 00:04:59,966 Dad was taking a weekend leadership seminar, 118 00:05:00,049 --> 00:05:02,302 when he was really stuck in a barrel at the junkyard? 119 00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:04,053 Curling is real. 120 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,931 The realest thing I've ever done. 121 00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:08,599 (doorbell rings) 122 00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:09,517 Hmm. 123 00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:11,644 (gulps) 124 00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:12,979 Principal Skinner?! 125 00:05:13,062 --> 00:05:14,147 This is bogus, man. 126 00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:16,107 You know the rules: two letters and a conference 127 00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:17,817 before I get a home visit. 128 00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:19,235 Bart, my cargo pants indicate 129 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,154 that I'm not here on school business. 130 00:05:21,237 --> 00:05:23,573 I'm here on "cool" business, i.e. curling. 131 00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:26,868 Hey, look who slid into our house. 132 00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:29,620 (chuckling) Great curling reference. 133 00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:30,747 What's up, Seymour? 134 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:33,082 Astonishing news out of Eau Claire, Wisconsin. 135 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,126 The Olympic Committee has announced that Mixed Curling 136 00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:37,503 will be a Demonstration Event at the Winter Olympics. 137 00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,881 There's a Winter Olympics? 138 00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:41,591 (Christmas music plays) 139 00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:49,849 (laughing) 140 00:05:49,932 --> 00:05:52,268 Homer, while you were imagining what the Winter Olympics were, 141 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:56,356 Seymour said we were all going to the Olympic trials! 142 00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:59,650 Olympic trials, eh? 143 00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:02,445 He usually stays out like this for about 30 seconds. 144 00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:03,863 Want some coffee? 145 00:06:03,946 --> 00:06:05,239 Mmm, that'd be great. 146 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,538 Terrible, Seymour! 147 00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:14,999 You're a disgrace to frozen water! 148 00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:16,501 You love your son. 149 00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:18,211 How can you be so hard on him? 150 00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:21,881 Marge, love has nothing to do with winning. 151 00:06:21,964 --> 00:06:24,842 Believe me, I know. 152 00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:29,263 I was in love with a soldier boy, on leave from Korea. 153 00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:31,974 It was a 50's style romance-- 154 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:34,477 three minutes of sex and a lifetime of regret. 155 00:06:36,687 --> 00:06:40,942 He went back to his war, and I went back to my dream: 156 00:06:41,025 --> 00:06:43,277 pole vaulting in the Helsinki Olympics. 157 00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:45,905 But there was a bump in the road... 158 00:06:45,988 --> 00:06:48,825 A bump named Seymour! 159 00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:49,992 The whole nine months, 160 00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,702 Seymour had just laid there like a lump. 161 00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:53,913 Then this pre-natal nitwit 162 00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:56,290 decides to do his Rockettes impression. 163 00:06:59,335 --> 00:07:00,253 (all sigh with disappointment) 164 00:07:00,336 --> 00:07:02,797 Before he was even born, 165 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:06,300 he ruined my life. 166 00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:08,511 Yes, that involuntary pre-conscious reflex 167 00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:11,305 I made in utero was unforgivable. 168 00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:12,932 The point is, don't let your feelings 169 00:07:13,015 --> 00:07:14,767 get in the way of winning. 170 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:17,395 They don't give out medals for being a loving wife. 171 00:07:17,478 --> 00:07:18,771 Well, they should. 172 00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:20,022 Well, they don't! 173 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,527 (barking) 174 00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:25,486 (fussing) 175 00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:29,574 (snoring and snorting) 176 00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:31,242 (grunting) 177 00:07:31,325 --> 00:07:33,202 (guzzling) 178 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,871 (jabbering) 179 00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:37,206 Oh, wise guys, eh? 180 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,750 (slapping) 181 00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:41,252 HOMER: Sweep, sweep. 182 00:07:41,335 --> 00:07:42,879 Left, right, left, right, back and forth. 183 00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:44,881 (humming) 184 00:07:44,964 --> 00:07:46,924 Hmm? 185 00:07:47,008 --> 00:07:48,050 Excuse me? 186 00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:49,969 I think this fell off your hat. 187 00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:51,929 Oh, thanks! That's Chilbert. 188 00:07:52,013 --> 00:07:54,098 One of the four Winter Games mascots. 189 00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:55,766 Would you like it? I've got doubles. 190 00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:56,893 Thank you. 191 00:07:58,060 --> 00:08:02,231 Just beware, collecting Olympic pins can be kind of addictive. 192 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:06,235 (chuckles) Come on, they're just pins. 193 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,528 (chuckling) 194 00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:10,281 He does look lonely all by himself. 195 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,826 (gasps) Oh! 196 00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:14,911 Buy us! 197 00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:17,622 Buy us with money! 198 00:08:17,705 --> 00:08:19,290 One Labatty, please. 199 00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:25,671 (chuckling) Looks like we hooked another one. 200 00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:27,840 (hoarse male voice): Please let me go back to the cruise ship. 201 00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,759 I was Chief Purser. 202 00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:33,054 Never! Now get back in character, Monsieur Wee Wee. 203 00:08:33,137 --> 00:08:35,306 Someday I'll be the tall guy. 204 00:08:35,389 --> 00:08:37,558 ♪♪ 205 00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:50,196 All Dad needs to do is put his stone 206 00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:51,906 inside that circle and they win. 207 00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:57,328 Oh, my God, Dad threw too hard! 208 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,585 That stone is coming in like a rocket. 209 00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,796 It's gotta be going four, maybe five miles an hour! 210 00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:11,801 Someone needs to convert that kinetic energy back into potential. 211 00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:29,652 (cheering) 212 00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:32,488 Homie, we're going to Vancouver! 213 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:33,906 Pack your winter coat. 214 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:36,784 We're going to Canada's warmest city! 215 00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:51,382 (raspy chanting) 216 00:09:51,465 --> 00:09:52,633 Homer, who's that? 217 00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:54,051 She used to be my therapist. 218 00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:57,888 -(beatboxing-like chant) -(guttural chanting) 219 00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:07,273 (chanting continues) 220 00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:08,316 (chanting stops) 221 00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:10,234 How can I ever thank you? 222 00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:11,694 Pay your bill! 223 00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:12,903 I couldn't hear the last thing you said! 224 00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:14,113 Good-bye forever! 225 00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:17,158 Bob Costas at the 2010 Vancouver Games. 226 00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:19,910 For the Beijing Games, China picked famed director 227 00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:22,705 Zhang Yimou to stage its Opening Ceremony. 228 00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:25,708 Tonight, Canada turns to its most famous director: 229 00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:29,462 Ivan Reitman, the man who brought us Ghostbusters. 230 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:31,714 ANNOUNCER (over PA): Who you gonna call? 231 00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:33,924 Albania! 232 00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:35,217 Who you gonna call? 233 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,178 Algeria! 234 00:10:37,261 --> 00:10:38,929 Who you gonna call? 235 00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:40,640 Argentina! 236 00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:42,141 (wearily and hoarsely): Who you gonna call? 237 00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:44,518 Zimbabwe. 238 00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:46,979 And now, not competing but observing: 239 00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:48,439 Who you gonna call? 240 00:10:48,522 --> 00:10:50,483 Angola. 241 00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:53,444 (drumroll, cheering) 242 00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:57,114 BOB COSTAS: And now, in the Olympic spirit of peace and goodwill, 243 00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:59,283 we release the Canadian dove, 244 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:01,369 the beaver! 245 00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:06,082 (squeaking) 246 00:11:09,251 --> 00:11:11,045 This was all preventable! 247 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,175 Hey, Lis, want to come with? 248 00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:17,635 I'm snowboarding 249 00:11:17,718 --> 00:11:19,345 with my new Canadian friend, Milhoose. 250 00:11:19,428 --> 00:11:22,515 Hey, Bort, your sister's hotter than a Calgary brush fire. 251 00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:24,058 Mind if I ask her oot? 252 00:11:24,141 --> 00:11:25,518 Sorry, but I was planning 253 00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:27,103 to stop by the Olympic Pin Center 254 00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,647 to fill in a few small gaps in my collection. 255 00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:32,733 You know, just to get me through the day. 256 00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:34,902 She's as loony as a one-dollar coin. 257 00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:37,446 Hey, hoser, want some Canadian Club? 258 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:38,614 Do I?! 259 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:41,033 -Oh! -Hoo-hoo! 260 00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:43,285 (to tune of "Old MacDonald") ♪ Oh, a pork bao ♪ 261 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:45,371 ♪ A shrimp bao, everywhere a bao bao ♪ 262 00:11:45,454 --> 00:11:49,792 ♪ Homer Simpson wins a gold, sliding rocks on ice, bao bao! ♪ 263 00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:52,336 Marge, we need to talk about your husband. 264 00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:53,713 Oh, my favorite subject. 265 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:55,840 I'll go first. Isn't he cute? 266 00:11:55,923 --> 00:11:56,882 A little. 267 00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:59,635 But as an Olympic curler, he's dragging us down 268 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,387 like an anchor on a bag of toasters. 269 00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:02,638 Hmm? 270 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,682 But Homer tries his best. 271 00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:06,600 We know. That's why we're positive 272 00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:08,519 he'll never get any better. 273 00:12:08,602 --> 00:12:11,605 I had one Olympics ruined by a bald, drooling idiot, 274 00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:13,357 but it's not gonna happen again. 275 00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:14,775 I was not bald. 276 00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,652 My fontanel was covered by lanugo. 277 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:17,611 Whatever. 278 00:12:17,695 --> 00:12:19,280 We want Homer off the team. 279 00:12:19,363 --> 00:12:21,240 Well, who made you the coach? 280 00:12:21,323 --> 00:12:23,284 The hat makes me the coach. 281 00:12:23,367 --> 00:12:27,538 Well, Homer's my soul mate, and you don't dump a soul mate. 282 00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:29,623 Oh, my God, I'm holding back the team. 283 00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:31,959 But our marriage is based on curling. 284 00:12:32,042 --> 00:12:33,961 Oh, what am I gonna do? 285 00:12:34,044 --> 00:12:35,129 Hmm... 286 00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:41,010 Hmm... 287 00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:46,515 Hmm... 288 00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:51,520 Hmm. 289 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:52,688 Mm. 290 00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:58,694 (gaping in awe) 291 00:12:58,778 --> 00:12:59,653 (gasps) 292 00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:01,363 Oh, my gosh. 293 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:04,950 It's the mascot from the 1924 games in Chamonix. 294 00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:07,661 That's right. It's Ennui, himself. 295 00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:09,246 I must have him. 296 00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:10,998 Um... can I have it on account? 297 00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:12,583 On account of I want it? 298 00:13:12,666 --> 00:13:13,918 (laughs) 299 00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:15,461 You've heard that one, huh? 300 00:13:15,544 --> 00:13:17,546 No, it's just not funny the first time. 301 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,757 But if you want to trade, I could take-- 302 00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:22,426 uh, oh, I don't know-- those pearls you're wearing. 303 00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:24,011 My pearls? 304 00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:25,763 These were a gift from my mom 305 00:13:25,846 --> 00:13:28,057 when I could first read at a twelfth grade level. 306 00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:30,059 You want to yak, or you want to trade? 307 00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:32,228 (whimpers) Just take them. 308 00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:35,189 (laughs) 309 00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:42,863 (jazzy saxophone music) 310 00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:50,037 I saw you grooving to the beat. 311 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,497 You got to pay for that. 312 00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:52,748 Lis, what's going on? 313 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,542 You're not normally this interesting. 314 00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:55,960 Nothing's going on. 315 00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:57,419 Just sharing my music 316 00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,046 with the good people of Vancouver. 317 00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:00,756 A dime?! 318 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:04,009 What do you think I am-- a pay phone from 1980?! 319 00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:05,928 Are you sure you're okay? 320 00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:07,596 I'm fine. 321 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,974 Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. 322 00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:11,684 What's that noise? 323 00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:14,478 Your dress is covered with pins. 324 00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:15,938 There is no dress. 325 00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:17,106 It's just pins. 326 00:14:17,189 --> 00:14:18,691 (crying) 327 00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:19,900 Help me? 328 00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:28,367 (explosion) 329 00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:31,412 -What are you doing? -I like to warm up. 330 00:14:31,495 --> 00:14:33,289 by sweeping behind the snack bar. 331 00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:34,540 Boo yeah! 332 00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:36,083 Well, no matter what you do, 333 00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:38,794 it won't make up for Sir Slip-a-lot over there. 334 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:41,630 (grunting) 335 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:42,882 Uh-oh. 336 00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:43,841 Yes, it will. 337 00:14:43,924 --> 00:14:47,136 I'll just sweep harder than anyone's ever swept before. 338 00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:50,681 Because without Homer, I'm a broom without a stone. 339 00:14:50,764 --> 00:14:52,558 No use for anything. 340 00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:55,311 Wow. That's love, Seymour. 341 00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:58,439 I'm glad you saw it once before you died. 342 00:14:58,522 --> 00:15:01,567 BOB COSTAS: If Homer Simpson doesn't land this stone in center house, 343 00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:03,319 the only gold they'll be going home with 344 00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:04,737 is Lisa's pin collection. 345 00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:06,238 That tidbit courtesy 346 00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,115 of our highly paid intern, Tom Brokaw. 347 00:15:08,198 --> 00:15:10,951 I love to learn about Lisa. 348 00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:19,627 COSTAS: Oh, my, that delivery has less juice than Sunny Delight. 349 00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:21,337 (audience sighing) 350 00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:23,380 Marge Simpson is sweeping fast and clean, 351 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:25,633 but it won't be enough. 352 00:15:25,716 --> 00:15:27,217 I've never seen this before. 353 00:15:27,301 --> 00:15:30,971 Marge Simpson is trying to restart a stone. 354 00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:32,681 -Come on, baby! -She did it! 355 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:34,558 She pulled off an impossible move, 356 00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:37,061 just like the time I shaved off Larry Bird's mustache 357 00:15:37,144 --> 00:15:38,604 while he was napping. 358 00:15:38,687 --> 00:15:39,897 (soft grunting) 359 00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:41,523 -(loud pop) -Aah! 360 00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:43,525 (cheering) 361 00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:49,740 Team U.S.A. heads to the Gold Medal Match. 362 00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:51,825 But wait a minute. Marge Simpson looks hurt. 363 00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:54,078 This is the sort of bittersweet melodrama 364 00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:55,746 Olympic coverage feeds on. 365 00:15:55,829 --> 00:15:56,789 I admit it. 366 00:15:56,872 --> 00:15:59,833 We're vampires who suck on shattered dreams. 367 00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:01,085 That's my Marge! 368 00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:03,128 -High five. -Hold on a sec. 369 00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:04,964 Marge, let me look at that shoulder. 370 00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:06,382 -(winces) -Hmm. Sorry, but 371 00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:08,592 I'm afraid she'll never curl again. 372 00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:11,387 That looks like the end of team USA's dream. 373 00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,722 It appears team Sweden will clinch the gold, 374 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:16,392 and they are over the moon with joy. 375 00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:19,895 Joy is but the shadow pain casts. 376 00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:27,111 (grunting and grumbling) 377 00:16:31,865 --> 00:16:32,950 Can I help you with that? 378 00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:34,493 I'll do it myself. 379 00:16:34,576 --> 00:16:35,911 When we do things together, 380 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,330 they always turn out badly... for me. 381 00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:40,416 Ooh, you're hot when you're horny. 382 00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:43,168 I'm not horny. I'm mad. 383 00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:45,212 Ooh, you're mad when you're angry. 384 00:16:45,295 --> 00:16:46,964 (angry grunt) 385 00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:50,884 Marge, you're really good with your left hand. 386 00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:52,636 I should be. I'm left-handed. 387 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,847 I've been using my right hand all these years 388 00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:57,641 'cause I didn't want to seem unusual in any way. 389 00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,314 Hmm. 390 00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:07,735 Lisa, I know everything about addiction 391 00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:09,611 that you can learn from watching Dad. 392 00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:11,864 The first thing you have to do is get clean, 393 00:17:11,947 --> 00:17:13,532 so give me your pins. 394 00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:16,285 -All of 'em. -What is this, tough love? 395 00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:18,746 Uh, it's a little more like soft hate. 396 00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:24,752 I said, all of them. 397 00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:26,837 (sighs) Oh. 398 00:17:29,923 --> 00:17:31,258 And now, just put your pearls back on, 399 00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:32,593 and we'll go get some coffee. 400 00:17:32,676 --> 00:17:34,011 It's not that easy, Bart. 401 00:17:34,094 --> 00:17:36,096 I... 402 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:37,806 traded away my pearls. 403 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,141 Oh. (cries) 404 00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:41,852 Without them, I'm just a big Maggie. 405 00:17:41,935 --> 00:17:45,147 (sobbing) 406 00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:09,421 What'll you take for the pearls? 407 00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:11,048 Nothing you got, Junior. 408 00:18:11,131 --> 00:18:12,591 Really? 409 00:18:12,674 --> 00:18:14,051 Not even this first-ever pin 410 00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:17,387 from the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia? 411 00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:19,389 His name is Fatov. 412 00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:22,851 He represents the Russian spirit of sloth and alcoholism. 413 00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,978 Ah. Fatov. 414 00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:27,815 ("Lara's Theme" from Dr. Zhivago plays) 415 00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:34,113 All for you. 416 00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:42,246 (laughs) 417 00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:44,665 We'll return to sudden-death overtime 418 00:18:44,748 --> 00:18:46,458 in the gold medal hockey game 419 00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:48,418 between Russia and the U.S. in a moment, 420 00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:50,587 but first, the Forfeiture-signing Ceremony, 421 00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:53,215 where the injury-stricken U.S. mixed curling team 422 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,759 is about to concede its chance at gold to Sweden. 423 00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:59,179 Team Captain Seymour Skinner is preparing to sign. 424 00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:00,681 There's been some question 425 00:19:00,764 --> 00:19:02,683 as to whether he'll use his middle name. 426 00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:04,309 I guess we're about to find out. 427 00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:05,853 Okay, here comes the pen. 428 00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:07,980 The ink appears to be blue. 429 00:19:08,063 --> 00:19:10,232 No surrender! 430 00:19:10,315 --> 00:19:11,984 Let's give the Olympics a miracle. 431 00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:14,528 But this time, on ice. 432 00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:28,375 (cheering) 433 00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:30,085 Oh, look at that broom work. 434 00:19:32,629 --> 00:19:34,673 Ah, they shouldn't be playing Quidditch at all. 435 00:19:34,756 --> 00:19:38,093 Not while four of the seven horcruxes are still unfound. 436 00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:44,641 Sacre bleu. 437 00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:46,059 Sacred blue. 438 00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:47,936 It's okay, son. 439 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,479 You did your best. 440 00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:52,024 Really, Mother? Y-You mean that? 441 00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:53,775 I do. 442 00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:56,653 Before now, I never knew a mother could love her child. 443 00:19:56,737 --> 00:20:01,325 Win or lose, I'm taking you out for pizza and ice cream, 444 00:20:01,408 --> 00:20:03,702 and we can sit at the same table. 445 00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:04,870 (happy grunt) 446 00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:14,504 COSTAS: The U.S.A. has won Demonstration Gold. 447 00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:18,050 Our first and only medals of these entire Olympics. 448 00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:20,886 Kids, open your history books, tear out the pages 449 00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:24,806 and put this indelible Olympic moment in. 450 00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:30,479 U.S.A.! U.S.A.! 451 00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:32,898 Oops. 452 00:20:32,981 --> 00:20:35,567 (crowd cheering) 453 00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:37,945 (The "Star-Spangled Banner" plays) 454 00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:44,034 How's this for a date night? 455 00:20:44,117 --> 00:20:46,745 Wonderful, Homie. 456 00:20:46,828 --> 00:20:48,413 Take that, Sweden! 457 00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:50,916 Tell me how my ice tastes. 458 00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:55,587 (Russian Dance from "Nutcracker Suite" plays) 459 00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:54,146 Shh! 460 00:21:56,773 --> 00:21:58,734 {\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem