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(eerie music plays)
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00:00:03,545 --> 00:00:06,089
CHORUS SINGS:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
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(tires screeching)
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00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:09,384
D'oh!
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00:00:10,051 --> 00:00:10,844
(tires screeching)
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(grunts)
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♪♪
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(gunshot)
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00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:26,568
(all breathing heavily)
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00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:29,863
(annoyed grunt)
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♪♪
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(humming tune)
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00:00:48,923 --> 00:00:52,844
Ach, that stump is really eating
into my tractor budget.
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I'll have to use me explosives.
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Explosives?
Great.
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If we put charges
on the load-bearing walls,
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00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:03,980
we can blow up detention hall
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00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:06,357
while leaving
the art room unharmed.
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00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:07,984
-Hmm?
-Hey, I like art, okay?
20
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:10,653
I'm blowing up the stump,
not the school.
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{\an8}Right, right.
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{\an8}You never saw that.
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(chuckling)
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Sweeeet!
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{\an8}Well done, boy.
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00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,338
{\an8}Wait, here comes
the "mykeeyah."
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{\an8}What's a mykeeyah?
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00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:33,009
My Kia!
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00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,178
{\an8}(both laughing)
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{\an8}I'm laughing to fit in,
but I still don't get it.
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{\an8}Miss Hoover,
what's our lesson today?
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{\an8}Is it school?
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{\an8}Oh, I don't know. Let's see.
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{\an8}Family trees.
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Who here knows
what a family tree is?
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00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:56,741
{\an8}Oh, family trees--
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{\an8}the charts representing
genealogical relationships
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{\an8}in a branching structure.
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Very good, Lisa.
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{\an8}Class, your assignment
over the weekend will be
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00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:06,417
{\an8}to make your own family tree,
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{\an8}emphasizing any notable
or distinguished ancestors.
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00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:12,423
{\an8}I can't wait to see
what noble branches lie
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{\an8}in the Simpson family foliage.
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{\an8}(exclaims)
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{\an8}No, this can't be right.
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{\an8}Yech, they're all horrible.
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00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:25,436
Yeah, the Simpson family is
a long line of horse thieves,
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00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:29,107
deadbeats, horse beats, dead
thieves, and even a few...
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00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:31,693
{\an8}(whispering):
...alcoholics.
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00:02:31,776 --> 00:02:33,695
{\an8}There must have been
some good ancestors.
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{\an8}Grampa, don't you know any?
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{\an8}Not a one.
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00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:39,951
{\an8}Maybe the nicest was
Abigail Simpson,
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{\an8}who you know
as the Pittsburgh Poisoner.
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{\an8}Listen, Lisa,
you're gonna find
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{\an8}more than you
bargained for.
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00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,917
{\an8}If I were you, I wouldn't
dig into the past.
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{\an8}I lived in some of that past,
and I got out for a reason.
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{\an8}I won't give up.
I have to know that somewhere
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{\an8}in the muck and the mire
and the Pittsburgh Poisoners,
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{\an8}this family had a noble spark,
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{\an8}and I will find it, even if I
have to go back to Adam and Eve.
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{\an8}Oh, you mean
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{\an8}Adam and Eve
Simpson,
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00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:07,854
{\an8}or as you may know them,
Julius and Ethel Rosenberg.
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00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:09,480
{\an8}(groans)
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{\an8}(grunting)
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{\an8}Ooh! Whoa!
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{\an8}Well, are you gonna
help me or what?
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(slurps)
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00:03:24,829 --> 00:03:27,081
{\an8}(cracking)
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00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:36,674
Thank you.
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00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,176
So, what are you
looking for?
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00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:40,845
Family records for a school
project on genealogical...
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00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:42,972
Hey, that's great.
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♪♪
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Hmm. Dad's idea pad.
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{\an8}Bicentennial issue of
Reader's Digest.
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00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:03,826
{\an8}Old ad for Buzz Cola.
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(gasps)
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So dusty.
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00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:17,257
The "Diary of Eliza Simpson"?
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00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:20,093
{\an8}This entry is dated
April 14, 1860.
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{\an8}I warn you: I don't
know what's in there,
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00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:25,056
{\an8}but if it's about a Simpson,
you ain't gonna be proud.
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00:04:25,139 --> 00:04:28,893
Our ancestors were kicked
out of Australia.
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00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,144
Oh, stop.
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00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:32,397
It's the journal
of a sweet little girl.
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00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:33,439
Keep reading, honey.
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00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:34,565
"Dearest diary,
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today I am the happiest girl
in Springfield..."
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See, all good.
94
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,823
"...because tomorrow I shall get
my very first slave."
95
00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:43,032
(all gasp)
96
00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:49,580
I can't believe we're descended
from slave owners.
97
00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:50,832
Me neither.
98
00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:52,709
For once, the Simpsons
were in management.
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00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:53,793
Homer.
100
00:04:54,752 --> 00:04:56,879
Oh, read a little more, honey.
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"Saturday, April 14, 1860.
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{\an8}Dear Diary, I must be brief,
103
00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:04,137
{\an8}for tonight is the grand ball
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00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:06,180
{\an8}at Colonel Burns's plantation."
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00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:08,099
I shall dress myself in finery,
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00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:09,892
like a well-to-do
Southern belle.
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00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:11,019
What's for dinner?
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00:05:11,102 --> 00:05:14,647
-Possum.
-Oh, can't we have opossum?
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00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:16,441
Not on your salary.
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I can't believe I buttoned
my britches for this.
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In my elegant gown,
no one will suspect
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00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:23,990
that I'm actually
on a mission to help
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my very first slave
escape to freedom.
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00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:29,120
Yes! She wasn't
a slave owner.
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00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:32,707
Our family was on
the Underground Railroad.
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00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:35,043
We ran a subway station?
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00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:36,544
No, the Underground Railroad
118
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was a bunch of people who helped
slaves escape to Canada.
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00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:41,466
There were no actual trains
and it wasn't under ground.
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00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:44,469
Then they should've called it
the Aboveground Normal-Road.
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00:05:44,552 --> 00:05:45,470
-Good point, Bart.
-Absolutely right.
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00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:47,555
-Hadn't thought of that before.
-Very good, Bart.
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00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:49,724
That's a great
story, Lisa!
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00:05:49,807 --> 00:05:51,809
And you should stop
reading right there.
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(gasps)
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00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:54,729
Wh-What are you doing?
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I want to know
what happens next.
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Well, I don't.
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The motto of
the Simpsons is:
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00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:01,235
"Quit while you're ahead."
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00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:03,029
I made it into
a sampler.
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00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:06,032
It's like when your
father and I left
133
00:06:06,115 --> 00:06:09,160
the movie Carrie right after
she was crowned prom queen.
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00:06:09,243 --> 00:06:11,704
She was so happy.
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00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:14,499
She'd had a lot of problems,
but they were all behind her.
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00:06:14,582 --> 00:06:15,541
But, but,
but-but-but...
137
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Time for bed, sweetie.
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(grunts in protest)
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00:06:19,420 --> 00:06:22,590
ELIZA:
Lisa. Lisa, it's me.
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Eliza, the one good Simpson.
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00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:27,512
I've got so much more
to tell you.
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00:06:32,308 --> 00:06:33,518
I must know.
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00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:38,398
(panting)
144
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,151
(humming)
145
00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:48,241
You still reading
that thing?
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00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:51,702
I'm warning you: When
something goes into that vent,
147
00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:53,621
it shouldn't come out...
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00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:55,039
ever.
149
00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:57,417
Well, I am reading it,
and when I'm finished,
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00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:58,584
I'm gonna use Eliza's diary
151
00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:00,753
for my "Black History Month"
presentation.
152
00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:02,004
Ooh, good idea.
153
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:04,590
Bart, what are you doing
for Black History Month?
154
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:07,260
I got an idea:
You can march to Selma,
155
00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:08,428
and tell her she's ugly!
156
00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:09,470
(laughs)
157
00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:11,097
(gags)
158
00:07:12,473 --> 00:07:15,101
Listen.
"April 20, 1860.
159
00:07:15,184 --> 00:07:17,687
A week ago, I had no idea
what the future would bring,
160
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:20,606
which, I guess, is always true
of everyone all the time.
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00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:22,275
Anyway, last Saturday night,
162
00:07:22,358 --> 00:07:24,193
I went to Colonel Burns's ball."
163
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:30,825
("Blue Danube Waltz" playing)
164
00:07:34,912 --> 00:07:37,832
I don't like this
new Viennese dance
craze, "the waltz."
165
00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:39,333
One, two, three,
one, two, three...
166
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:42,253
Where's the "four"?
All music needs a four!
167
00:07:42,336 --> 00:07:45,339
I'll have the orchestra
adjust its time signature, sir.
168
00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:47,008
See that you do.
169
00:07:47,091 --> 00:07:48,634
♪♪
170
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,344
(whispering)
171
00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:54,974
(music switches
to four-four time)
172
00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:58,519
(all clamoring)
173
00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:00,646
ELIZA:
In the confusion,
I slipped out of the ball
174
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:02,857
and made my way to the stables,
175
00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:06,360
where I was to meet
Mr. Burns's slave, Virgil.
176
00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:10,448
But when I got to the stables,
he was nowhere to be seen.
177
00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:11,532
Virgil?
178
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:13,868
Virgil, let's go.
179
00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:15,328
(screeching)
180
00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:16,537
(screaming)
181
00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:17,622
(grunts)
182
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,335
You look like you
could use a little help.
183
00:08:22,418 --> 00:08:24,670
Actually, I'm here
to help you.
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00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:27,340
-Follow me north to freedom.
-I don't think so.
185
00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:29,383
Why? Because I'm young
and I'm a woman?
186
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:31,052
No, because you're
pointing south.
187
00:08:31,135 --> 00:08:32,762
(sheepish chuckle)
188
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:34,931
Oh, right, right. Sorry.
189
00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:36,307
It's my first time.
190
00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:38,893
That's all right.
It's my 14th.
191
00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:41,020
As we made our way northward,
192
00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:42,980
a couple of patrollers
spotted us.
193
00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:44,982
Well, well, well.
194
00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:46,859
Where do you think
you're going?
195
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,319
-(gasps)
-(gasps) Run!
196
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:50,112
-After them!
-Obviously.
197
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:52,156
Well, you didn't say it.
198
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:53,866
(horses neighing)
199
00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:55,868
Hearts pounding,
we fled into the woods,
200
00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:58,246
but their horses were fast.
201
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,541
(horses neighing)
202
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:09,090
♪♪
203
00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:15,096
Escape seemed impossible.
204
00:09:15,179 --> 00:09:16,847
(neighing)
205
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:18,057
(crumbling)
206
00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:20,017
MARGE:
What happened next?
207
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:22,812
Uh, bu...
That's all there is.
208
00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:24,981
The rest of the diary
has turned to dust.
209
00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:26,607
(sniffs, sneezes)
210
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:28,818
(snapping)
211
00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:32,738
Oh! I'll never know if Eliza
got Virgil safely to freedom.
212
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,365
Cheer up, sweetie.
213
00:09:34,448 --> 00:09:36,993
Maybe we can find the
answer in the library.
214
00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:39,203
To the reference desk!
215
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:42,123
The library?
216
00:09:42,206 --> 00:09:44,417
Bart, can you believe
we're married to those nerds?
217
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:46,586
(both laugh)
218
00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:47,420
LIBRARIAN:
There are no books
219
00:09:47,503 --> 00:09:50,840
about an Eliza Simpson,
but I did find this.
220
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,133
MARGE:
Ooh, a cookbook.
221
00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:53,342
(Marge gasps)
222
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,845
That's Eliza's mother!
223
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:58,097
Martha, you are
the best!
224
00:09:59,807 --> 00:10:02,435
{\an8}MARGE:
"Pork Butt In Cream,"
"Snout-Fried Neck"
225
00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:05,021
{\an8}"Frog-Haunch," "Hooves Au Jus,"
226
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,689
{\an8}"Possum Pouch Pie..."
227
00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:09,233
Please don't
make those recipes.
228
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,027
This one doesn't sound
roadkill-y.
229
00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:13,070
And it comes with a story.
230
00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:15,698
"Many years ago,
my daughter, Eliza,
231
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:19,035
brought a runaway slave,
Virgil, to the house."
232
00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:21,996
(gasps) They made it back
to the house? How?
233
00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:26,584
MARGE:
The patrollers were too fast
for Eliza and Virgil.
234
00:10:29,670 --> 00:10:31,505
(owl hooting)
235
00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:36,135
Luckily, they chanced
upon a traveling circus...
236
00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:42,183
...where they were helped
by a crusty, old clown.
237
00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:45,186
A little schmutz, a little
schmear, and presto!
238
00:10:45,269 --> 00:10:47,980
You're part of the
under-clown railroad.
239
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:50,024
So, you got any talent?
240
00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:53,152
Well, I am a bit musical.
241
00:10:53,235 --> 00:10:55,988
♪ The sun shines bright ♪
242
00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:59,992
♪ On my old Kentucky home. ♪
243
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:03,079
Rule number one:
never be better than me.
244
00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:04,747
And I'm pretty bad.
245
00:11:10,294 --> 00:11:11,879
Nothing to see here--
246
00:11:11,962 --> 00:11:15,174
just a couple of clowns, and the
world's youngest bearded lady.
247
00:11:15,257 --> 00:11:17,051
That I is.
248
00:11:17,134 --> 00:11:18,135
-(spits)
-(dings)
249
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:22,640
Look at her any longer, you're
gonna have to pay a nickel.
250
00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:25,017
Why do I always ask
for a nickel?
251
00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:27,520
That's like 20 bucks
in 2010 money.
252
00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:31,774
Wait! All that was
in the recipe?
253
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:34,151
It was a footnote. See?
254
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:38,072
"Anyway, I was very proud of
Eliza, but my husband Hiram
255
00:11:38,155 --> 00:11:39,907
had not quite caught
abolition fever."
256
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:41,992
Uh-uh, no way.
257
00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:44,120
He'll get me in trouble.
258
00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:45,996
Maybe you'll change
your mind about me
259
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:49,041
after you try some
of my wheel cakes.
260
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:50,334
Wheel cakes?
261
00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:52,837
They're just
honey-sweetened batter...
262
00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:53,921
Go on.
263
00:11:54,004 --> 00:11:55,840
...deep-fried in hog lard.
264
00:11:55,923 --> 00:11:57,216
Lard, you say.
265
00:11:57,299 --> 00:11:59,885
Then dusted with powdered sugar.
266
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,846
(muffled):
You can stay.
267
00:12:01,929 --> 00:12:03,222
You swear
you'll help him?
268
00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:05,057
(gulps)
269
00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:07,727
I give you my word
as a Southern gentleman.
270
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,603
Whoo!
(gulps)
271
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,816
So they did the right thing.
272
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:15,151
My quest is fulfilled.
273
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:17,862
Our family has heroes!
274
00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:18,821
Shh.
275
00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:20,865
(softly):
Our family has heroes.
276
00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:22,324
(quiet chuckle)
277
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:31,917
Martin Luther King had a dream.
278
00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:33,878
Dreams are where
Elmo and Toy Story
279
00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:36,130
had a party and I went there.
280
00:12:36,213 --> 00:12:38,549
Yay. My turn is over.
281
00:12:38,632 --> 00:12:39,842
One of your best, Ralph.
282
00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:41,969
Next up, we have Simpson, L.
283
00:12:42,052 --> 00:12:45,097
My Black History Month
presentation is called
284
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:48,058
"The Simpsons:
The First Family of Freedom."
285
00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:51,061
No, no, no, not now! Quit, quit!
286
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:54,523
No, don't quit the program,
just the update, you stupid...
287
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:56,484
(awkward chuckle)
288
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,277
Computers, right?
289
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:01,322
Our story begins with
a spunky little spitfire
290
00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:03,240
named Eliza Simpson.
291
00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:05,576
The year was 1860, and the
Underground Railroad was...
292
00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:07,828
("The Battle Hymn
of the Republic" playing)
293
00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,246
...though Hiram, Mabel,
and Eliza
294
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,874
are no longer among us,
their truth goes marching on.
295
00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:13,751
-(applause)
-Thank you.
296
00:13:15,419 --> 00:13:17,713
-(applause stops)
-(one person clapping slowly)
297
00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:22,218
Bravo, Lisa.
298
00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:27,765
Very entertaining, but then
again, fairy tales always are.
299
00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:29,058
(all gasping)
300
00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:30,976
What are you talking about?
301
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:34,271
I hold in my hand another diary.
302
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:37,149
That of my great-great-great...
303
00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:38,943
(takes hit from inhaler)
304
00:13:39,026 --> 00:13:42,571
...great-great grandfafa,
Milford van Houten.
305
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:43,906
(audience murmurs)
306
00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:46,575
{\an8}"April 22nd, 1860..."
307
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:50,371
{\an8}(strong Southern accent):
I was reclining beneath
a sarsaparilla tree,
308
00:13:50,454 --> 00:13:51,956
reading about one
309
00:13:52,039 --> 00:13:55,042
of Mr. Thomas Jefferson's
marvelous inventions.
310
00:13:55,125 --> 00:13:57,837
when suddenly I heard
quite a commotion
311
00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,463
coming from
the Simpson residence.
312
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:00,381
BURNS:
You're lying!
313
00:14:00,464 --> 00:14:03,050
HOMER: Leave me alone!
I have shares to crop.
314
00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:06,220
That's one of Virgil's
sugar-sprinkled cake rings.
315
00:14:06,303 --> 00:14:08,514
Now, where is he?
316
00:14:08,597 --> 00:14:11,392
I don't have to answer
to some weak old man
317
00:14:11,475 --> 00:14:12,810
with a walking stick.
318
00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:14,645
Ahh! A beating stick!
319
00:14:14,728 --> 00:14:15,855
Brigand.
320
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:16,814
-(screams)
-Dastard.
321
00:14:16,897 --> 00:14:18,065
Renegade.
322
00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:19,733
Mooncalf.
323
00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:23,362
I can't tell you where
he is-- I swore an oath.
324
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:25,197
I see.
325
00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:29,034
You know, Simpson,
every man has his price.
326
00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:33,247
No one is better at
determining said price
than yours truly.
327
00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:35,249
-Hmm.
-(mumbling)
328
00:14:35,332 --> 00:14:36,584
-Hmm.
-(grunts)
329
00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:38,043
Hmm.
330
00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:39,503
-(hollow knocking)
-(grunts)
331
00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:41,922
(gnawing)
332
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:44,258
I would say
your price is...
333
00:14:44,341 --> 00:14:46,510
a pleasant surprise.
334
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:48,846
That's exactly my price.
335
00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:50,222
Your man Virgil is...
336
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:51,390
in...
337
00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:52,433
Father, no!
338
00:14:52,516 --> 00:14:54,018
Eliza, hold your tongue!
339
00:14:54,101 --> 00:14:56,395
Don't worry,
I'll handle this one.
340
00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:59,148
Young lady,
in this day and age,
341
00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:01,358
women only express
their opinions in diaries
342
00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:03,944
to be found
long after they're gone.
343
00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:05,946
From the day you were born,
you were brought up
344
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,365
to crave the approval
of a man.
345
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:11,076
And I know you really want
to be a good girl,
346
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:14,413
and good girls are seen
and not heard.
347
00:15:15,539 --> 00:15:16,916
(stifled protest)
348
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,293
Yes, sir.
349
00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:20,878
That-a-girl.
350
00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:23,923
Now, where's my man?
351
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:24,924
In the turnip shed.
352
00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:26,008
Now, what's my surprise?
353
00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:28,802
Your surprise is
a new pair of shoes.
354
00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:32,139
Oh, my God,
that surprise
is so pleasant.
355
00:15:32,222 --> 00:15:36,226
(sobbing)
356
00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:37,978
MILFORD (with Southern accent):
After that fateful day,
357
00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:42,816
(normal voice): "I could never
even look at Eliza again."
358
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:44,401
It didn't help
that the next day,
359
00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:46,654
he drank bad well water
and went blind.
360
00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:47,988
No! You lie!
361
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:50,741
Eliza Simpson can't be a coward.
362
00:15:50,824 --> 00:15:53,285
(voice breaking):
She's the only decent
ancestor I have.
363
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:56,038
Ach. Take it outside, lassie.
364
00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:58,040
We've still got three
"Jackie Robinsons"
365
00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:00,834
and a "Tuskegee Airmen" to go.
366
00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:02,378
-(crying)
-And so many Obamas.
367
00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:03,921
-(all impersonating Obama)
-Yes, we can.
368
00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:06,131
-Audacity of hope.
-Let me be clear.
369
00:16:10,844 --> 00:16:13,055
As I told you,
we don't have any books
370
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:15,099
pertaining to Eliza Simpson.
371
00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:17,184
But I need to prove
that my ancestor
372
00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:19,395
couldn't have backed down
to Colonel Burns.
373
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:20,688
Colonel Burns?
374
00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:22,982
Why, I haven't heard
my father's name in years.
375
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:25,275
(sobbing)
376
00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:27,987
You know, you could
try our film vault.
377
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:29,029
Huh?
378
00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:31,031
We have a film vault?
379
00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:33,325
It's where we hooked up
during the Christmas party.
380
00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:34,660
Oh.
381
00:16:39,748 --> 00:16:41,458
INTERVIEWER (on film):
So, Miss Eliza, I understand
382
00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:42,751
you just turned 100.
383
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,295
It's been quite a life.
384
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:46,505
Any regrets?
385
00:16:46,588 --> 00:16:47,756
Just one.
386
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,801
When I was a girl,
I witnessed a grave injustice,
387
00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:52,344
but I held my tongue.
388
00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:55,264
That pat on my head
from a wicked man
389
00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:57,516
has haunted me to this day.
390
00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:01,979
(sobbing)
391
00:17:02,062 --> 00:17:05,024
There's no noble Simpson.
392
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:08,277
Oh, you were right, Dad.
393
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:10,279
I should have quit
while I was ahead
394
00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:11,822
instead of learning
the horrible truth
395
00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:13,323
about our family
and Virgil.
396
00:17:15,909 --> 00:17:18,287
Aw, don't cry, meat pie.
397
00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:21,123
Things worked out pretty well
for Virgil in the end.
398
00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:22,791
What are you talking about?
399
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,126
Is there something
you know about Virgil
400
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:25,794
that you haven't told us?
401
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,880
I'll take that secret
to my grave--
402
00:17:27,963 --> 00:17:30,841
or urn, or medical school
dissecting table,
403
00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:31,925
or wherever you're dumping me.
404
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:33,802
Listen, Wrinkles,
405
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,387
if you know something that'll
cheer up my little girl,
406
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:37,056
you'd better spill it.
407
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:40,684
Or I can make things
very uncomfortable for you.
408
00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:42,770
That enough?
409
00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:44,897
Ah! Okay, I'll talk.
410
00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:48,025
D-day is June 6th.
Repeat: June 6th.
411
00:17:48,108 --> 00:17:50,694
Allied forces will land
on the beaches of Normandy
412
00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:53,697
in the following order--
Utah, Omaha, Gold, Juno.
413
00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:55,407
Are you writing this down,
Fritz?
414
00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:56,742
About Virgil.
415
00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:57,993
Oh, right.
416
00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:01,288
Well, Lisa, Mabel
knew her husband well,
417
00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:04,917
so she had cooked up
a little payback pie.
418
00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:06,835
(gasps)
419
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:08,921
Get off my property,
Colonel Burns.
420
00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:11,090
And if I ever see you
in these parts again...
421
00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:12,257
(shotgun cocking)
422
00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:14,134
...you're gonna be
a Memphis belle.
423
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:18,764
Very well.
You may have won this round,
424
00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:20,933
but someday my history
will be told
425
00:18:21,016 --> 00:18:23,811
by my descendants
Ken and Ric Burns.
426
00:18:25,687 --> 00:18:27,898
I knew you'd break
your promise.
427
00:18:27,981 --> 00:18:29,900
Now I'm taking
Virgil to freedom.
428
00:18:29,983 --> 00:18:32,528
You defied your
husband for me?
429
00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,530
Man, this is the '60s.
430
00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:36,281
Now let's take you to a place
431
00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:39,785
where a black man can
blend in-- Canada.
432
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,746
GRAMPA:
So, with those words,
433
00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:45,124
Mabel and Virgil headed north,
434
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,793
but their journey was fraught
with peril.
435
00:18:47,876 --> 00:18:49,044
(gasps)
436
00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:51,797
Hmm...
437
00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:58,095
Mabel, why don't I go on alone,
and you go back to Hiram?
438
00:18:58,178 --> 00:18:59,221
No.
439
00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:00,806
There's no life
for me with him.
440
00:19:00,889 --> 00:19:02,641
I just need
to disguise my hair.
441
00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:03,809
But how?
442
00:19:03,892 --> 00:19:05,894
May I be of assistance?
443
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:08,355
Abraham Lincoln?
(gasps)
444
00:19:08,438 --> 00:19:10,691
Perhaps this hat will
help disguise your hair.
445
00:19:10,774 --> 00:19:12,484
Thank you.
446
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:15,779
How's it look?
447
00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:18,740
-It makes you look like
a potbellied stove.
-(annoyed grunt)
448
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:20,200
Hey, hey, "Honest Abe."
449
00:19:20,284 --> 00:19:22,411
(laughs)
Oh, I'm a riot.
450
00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:25,664
GRAMPA:
As the border drew close,
so did Virgil and Mabel.
451
00:19:25,747 --> 00:19:27,416
After you.
452
00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:31,336
By the time they crossed into
Canada, things had changed.
453
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:35,757
(theme from Ken Burns's
The Civil War playing)
454
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,926
Mabel divorced Hiram
455
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,803
and got one of his shoes
in the settlement.
456
00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:47,686
Mabel and Virgil lived out the
rest of their days in peace.
457
00:19:47,769 --> 00:19:50,939
They got married, and since
Virgil had no last name,
458
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:52,774
they both took the name Simpson
459
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:53,984
so that Mabel could keep
460
00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:56,737
all her
monogrammed table linens.
461
00:19:56,820 --> 00:20:00,032
And their son, Abraham Simpson,
462
00:20:00,115 --> 00:20:02,826
was my great-grandfather.
463
00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:10,751
So you're actually descended
from Virgil, not Hiram.
464
00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:11,919
Are ya happy?
465
00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:13,837
Yes. I'm thrilled.
466
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:16,173
We've regained our family honor,
467
00:20:16,256 --> 00:20:18,926
and we're 1/64th black.
468
00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:21,303
So that's why I'm so cool.
469
00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:23,430
That's why my jazz
is so smooth.
470
00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:26,433
And that's why I earn less
than my white co-workers.
471
00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:27,976
Grampa, why'd you try to
472
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:29,895
keep us from finding this out?
473
00:20:29,978 --> 00:20:33,065
Well, it's hard to explain
this to a young person,
474
00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:36,568
but people of my
generation are, you know...
475
00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:38,362
-Racists?
-That's it.
476
00:20:38,445 --> 00:20:40,739
I don't know what
the big deal is.
477
00:20:40,822 --> 00:20:43,784
I mean, it never bothered any
of you that my father's French.
478
00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:45,661
You know, Bouvier?
479
00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:48,247
So that's why I love
drinking so much.
480
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:50,123
I'm French, not you.
481
00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:52,584
C'est la vie, baby.
482
00:20:52,668 --> 00:20:54,586
("La Marseillaise" playing)
483
00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:58,674
(guzzling)
484
00:21:01,468 --> 00:21:08,475
♪♪
485
00:21:41,591 --> 00:21:42,426
(murmuring)
486
00:21:42,509 --> 00:21:44,052
Shh!
487
00:21:46,638 --> 00:21:48,640
{\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem