1
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,213
<i>-CHORUS SINGS:</i>
<i>♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>
-(caws)

2
00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:07,048
(tires screeching)

3
00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:09,384
D'oh.

4
00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:10,844
(tires screeching)

5
00:00:10,927 --> 00:00:11,970
(grunts)

6
00:00:12,387 --> 00:00:14,180
(Mariachi music plays)

7
00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:16,099
(grunting)

8
00:00:25,066 --> 00:00:28,236
<i>NARRATOR:</i>
<i>How will the Springfielder</i>
<i>of the future get around town?</i>

9
00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:31,364
<i>Will he be like Bus-stop Bill,</i>
<i>caught out in the rain?</i>

10
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:32,824
(sneezes)

11
00:00:32,907 --> 00:00:34,868
<i>Or will he be like Subway Sam,</i>

12
00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:37,912
<i>packed like a tuna</i>
<i>on the Springfield Metro Line?</i>

13
00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:40,582
<i>Here he can rub shoulders</i>
<i>with fellow businessmen</i>

14
00:00:40,665 --> 00:00:42,667
<i>and share their deadly germs.</i>

15
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:47,839
(trumpets squawking)

16
00:00:47,922 --> 00:00:50,383
<i>These two men</i>
<i>might as well be kissing.</i>

17
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:54,554
<i>Is there no way to get to work</i>
<i>in comfort, safety and style?</i>

18
00:00:54,637 --> 00:00:56,139
<i>Well, it looks like</i>

19
00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:58,183
<i>Motorcar Mel's got the answer.</i>

20
00:00:58,266 --> 00:01:00,810
<i>He's cruising</i>
<i>at 130 miles an hour</i>

21
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:02,729
<i>in a plutonium-powered auto</i>

22
00:01:02,812 --> 00:01:05,648
<i>on the spacious skyway</i>
<i>of tomorrow.</i>

23
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:11,237
<i>And it's got plenty of room</i>
<i>for all of Mrs.Mel's shopping.</i>

24
00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:16,409
<i>All that's left is</i>
<i>to pick Junior up from school.</i>

25
00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:18,453
(whirring)

26
00:01:18,536 --> 00:01:21,956
<i>Looks like that robot arm</i>
<i>needs a little adjustment.</i>

27
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,584
(Narrator chuckles)

28
00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:28,546
(projector whirring)

29
00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:30,715
{\an8}Well, that concludes...

30
00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:32,717
{\an8}I don't really know
what that was.

31
00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:34,344
{\an8}Now please take out
your homework.

32
00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:36,429
{\an8}Homework? What homework?

33
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:38,765
{\an8}We had to build a
Hopi Indian pueblo.

34
00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:41,392
{\an8}Mine features
indigenous Hopi songs.

35
00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:45,647
{\an8}<i>♪ And a hie na ho na hey. ♪</i>

36
00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:47,065
{\an8}MARTIN:
What's this?

37
00:01:47,148 --> 00:01:48,983
{\an8}A promoter has arrived

38
00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:53,071
{\an8}to entice the tribe
to perform in a Wild West show.

39
00:01:53,154 --> 00:01:54,906
{\an8}Unfortunately,

40
00:01:54,989 --> 00:01:57,617
{\an8}the chief doesn't read
the contract very carefully.

41
00:01:58,993 --> 00:02:02,455
{\an8}The good news is, over
a hundred years later,

42
00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:05,041
{\an8}a brilliant little
boy receives an "A"

43
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:07,544
{\an8}for his amazing
presentation.

44
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:09,003
{\an8}(mechanical creaking)

45
00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:10,630
{\an8}CHILDREN:
Ah...

46
00:02:10,713 --> 00:02:12,549
{\an8}Bravo, Martin. Bravo.

47
00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:16,219
{\an8}Well, let's see what the rest
of you dullards have to offer.

48
00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:20,306
{\an8}Uh-oh.

49
00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,892
{\an8}-(wind whistling)
-Oh.

50
00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:25,145
{\an8}Damn it.

51
00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:26,229
{\an8}Okay, don't panic.

52
00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:28,148
{\an8}I can build one of those things
from the crap in my desk.

53
00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:32,402
{\an8}Bart Simpson, you've had
three months to do this project.

54
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:34,404
{\an8}You started
30 seconds ago.

55
00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:36,156
{\an8}Thank you. Thank you.

56
00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:38,283
{\an8}I'm not complimenting you.

57
00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:40,326
{\an8}You've destroyed every ideal
I've had about teaching

58
00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:43,163
{\an8}since I saw <i>To Sir, With Love</i>
as a little girl.

59
00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:45,081
{\an8}Ha-ha. You're old.

60
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,250
{\an8}I saw it on video
in the '80s.

61
00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:48,918
{\an8}Outdated medium.

62
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,378
{\an8}I stand by my ha-ha.

63
00:02:50,461 --> 00:02:52,630
{\an8}Bart, I'm sending
your parents a letter.

64
00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:56,801
{\an8}"Irresponsible,
unprepared, bad seed..."

65
00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:57,677
{\an8}Good guy.

66
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,220
{\an8}"Bad guy."

67
00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:02,140
{\an8}Signed... stamped and sealed.

68
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:07,729
{\an8}So, can I deliver that
to the office for you?

69
00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:09,898
{\an8}Hah. I wasn't
born yesterday.

70
00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:11,441
{\an8}Hah. Tell me about it.

71
00:03:11,524 --> 00:03:13,443
{\an8}Ugh.

72
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:15,153
{\an8}Martin?

73
00:03:15,236 --> 00:03:17,322
{\an8}Outgoing mail slot. Now.

74
00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:21,159
{\an8}<i>BART:</i>
<i>Got to stop that letter.</i>

75
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,456
{\an8}-(alarm sounding)
-Oh, fire alarm.

76
00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:29,042
{\an8}Ooh, that means
<i>firemen.</i>

77
00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:29,959
{\an8}(laughs)

78
00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:38,676
{\an8}(marching footsteps)

79
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,512
{\an8}Sixth-graders? No.

80
00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:43,223
{\an8}I'm sure it's
a training bra.

81
00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:45,433
{\an8}-(chattering)
-PG-13.

82
00:03:45,516 --> 00:03:46,976
{\an8}BOY:
I have an unwanted boner.

83
00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:52,315
{\an8}♪♪

84
00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:00,531
{\an8}(groaning)

85
00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:02,575
{\an8}Yes.

86
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:04,077
{\an8}(grunting)

87
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,037
{\an8}Hoisting a bag.

88
00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,957
{\an8}Ay, there's no better feeling
on earth.

89
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:12,585
{\an8}(Bart grunting)

90
00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,295
{\an8}Now what are you up to?

91
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,047
{\an8}Whatever happened to "Hi"?

92
00:04:16,130 --> 00:04:18,341
{\an8}Hi.
<i>Now </i>what are you up to?

93
00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:20,426
{\an8}A letter's coming from
school, and I need to be home

94
00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:21,803
{\an8}to keep Mom and Dad
from getting it.

95
00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:23,680
{\an8}(grunting)

96
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:27,141
{\an8}Mom. I have a fever.

97
00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:30,270
{\an8}(beep)

98
00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:32,855
{\an8}Ooh, 103.

99
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:35,984
{\an8}No school today.

100
00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:39,153
{\an8}Then again, there's only one way
to get a truly accurate reading.

101
00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:40,613
{\an8}Bart, pants.

102
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:42,824
{\an8}Just close your eyes
and think of Milhouse.

103
00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:44,075
{\an8}(chuckling)

104
00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:46,786
{\an8}(door squeaking)

105
00:04:46,869 --> 00:04:48,162
{\an8}Yup. 103 on the dot.

106
00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:49,831
{\an8}You're staying home.

107
00:04:49,914 --> 00:04:52,583
{\an8}-How did you...?
-I don't want
to talk about it.

108
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:54,919
{\an8}I got to get that letter
before Mom and Dad do.

109
00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:58,006
Stay focused.

110
00:04:58,089 --> 00:05:00,049
Focused.

111
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:02,677
Focused.

112
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:04,387
Focused.

113
00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:06,306
(imitating electric guitar)

114
00:05:09,183 --> 00:05:11,144
Oh.

115
00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:12,895
(gasping)

116
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:15,273
Credit card offer,
overdue bill,

117
00:05:15,356 --> 00:05:17,859
credit card
offer, overdue bill.

118
00:05:17,942 --> 00:05:19,694
Huh? What's this?

119
00:05:19,777 --> 00:05:21,070
What the...?

120
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,364
You're a month behind
on homework?

121
00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:26,200
I tried really hard
to stop you from finding out.

122
00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:27,493
Does that help?

123
00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:29,120
A little!

124
00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:30,163
<i>SKINNER:</i>
<i>These are Bart's</i>

125
00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:32,290
uncompleted
homework assignments

126
00:05:32,373 --> 00:05:34,542
for the last month:
worksheets, problem sets,

127
00:05:34,625 --> 00:05:35,752
book reports, math jumbles,

128
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:38,129
dioramas, topic sentences,
conclusions,

129
00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:40,173
bibliographies, synonyms,
mean-the-sames,

130
00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:41,549
define-a-likes, word twins

131
00:05:41,632 --> 00:05:43,718
and one Thanksgiving
hand-turkey.

132
00:05:43,801 --> 00:05:45,345
One month?

133
00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:47,555
That's a heavy workload
for a fourth grader.

134
00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:49,640
I say this boy needs
<i>more </i>homework.

135
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:52,101
I don't have to do it
with him, do I?

136
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:52,935
No.

137
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,520
Pile it on.

138
00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:56,856
I want him to be Korean
by the time he's done.

139
00:05:58,316 --> 00:06:01,486
(humming happily)

140
00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:04,364
Hmm. Clean dishes.

141
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:07,158
I either have to unload them,
or, uh...

142
00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:12,163
(humming and singing)

143
00:06:16,834 --> 00:06:18,669
(laughs)

144
00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:21,881
Oh. Thanks for doing
the dishes.

145
00:06:21,964 --> 00:06:23,966
No problem.
You can unload.

146
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:27,345
You know, I think Bart
might have too much homework.

147
00:06:27,428 --> 00:06:29,055
If they keep overwhelming him,

148
00:06:29,138 --> 00:06:31,099
he might be turned off school
forever.

149
00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:34,811
Oh, my. A child
who doesn't enjoy school?

150
00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:37,021
Hello? Hollywood?

151
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:40,108
You want to buy the movie rights
to this incredible story?

152
00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:42,235
A million dollars?

153
00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:43,820
Deal.

154
00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:46,572
Oh, now I have to write it.

155
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:49,784
<i>Digibot, Go-go-goman</i>
<i>has the crystal life ball.</i>

156
00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:52,078
(squeaky chattering)

157
00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:54,372
Wow, how does this show
stay so fresh?

158
00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:55,706
Hey.

159
00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:57,750
You're supposed to be
doing your homework.

160
00:06:57,834 --> 00:06:59,419
No more TV for you.

161
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:02,213
(grunting)

162
00:07:02,296 --> 00:07:05,091
-(squeaky chattering)
-(muttering)

163
00:07:05,174 --> 00:07:07,009
Until your
homework is done,

164
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,886
the only place
your butt is safe

165
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:11,472
from my foot is
in that chair.

166
00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,766
(sighs):
Oh.

167
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:17,395
It's okay, Bart.

168
00:07:17,478 --> 00:07:19,147
Just do a couple
vocabulary words,

169
00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:20,982
then come have some
milk and cookies.

170
00:07:21,065 --> 00:07:22,984
But Dad said
I had to finish my...

171
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:24,318
Never mind
what he said.

172
00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:26,404
You just
listen to me.

173
00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:33,077
Hey, Lis, Mom and Dad just
told me two different things.

174
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,454
How is that possible?

175
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,789
Well, sometimes people
who agree on most things

176
00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:39,417
have one issue that
they disagree strongly about.

177
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,419
In politics,
it's called a wedge issue,

178
00:07:41,502 --> 00:07:43,629
like illegal immigration
or gay marriage.

179
00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:45,131
Wait a minute.

180
00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:47,133
Can I play them
against each other

181
00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:49,635
so I don't have to do
any homework at all?

182
00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,846
You would mess up
Mom and Dad's marriage

183
00:07:51,929 --> 00:07:54,015
just to get out
of doing some homework?

184
00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:56,350
Hey, hey, I would end
all life on this planet

185
00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:57,977
just to get out of
doing fractions.

186
00:07:58,060 --> 00:07:59,645
Fractions aren't that hard.

187
00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:01,647
You just have to find
a common denominator.

188
00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:04,275
For example, one half
plus one third equals...

189
00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:07,570
End... all... life...
on... this... planet!

190
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:09,989
(imitates explosion)

191
00:08:10,072 --> 00:08:12,783
You'll need to know fractions
to make that explosion!

192
00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:14,202
I don't care.

193
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,256
Oh, so much homework.

194
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,884
Childhood slipping away.

195
00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:32,345
(grunting)

196
00:08:32,428 --> 00:08:35,806
Bart, put down those books
and go play this instant.

197
00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:38,267
If you say so.

198
00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:42,522
(grunts)

199
00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:44,065
Right on time.

200
00:08:44,148 --> 00:08:47,485
Grape soda--
shaken, not stirred.

201
00:08:47,568 --> 00:08:48,903
(gasps)

202
00:08:48,986 --> 00:08:50,613
Let's roll.

203
00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:52,990
(organ music playing)

204
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:56,827
Dear Lord, please give
my stubborn husband

205
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:59,872
the wisdom to see that
I am right as usual.

206
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,499
Too late, Marge.

207
00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:03,834
I already used a prayer block
on your prayer.

208
00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:05,753
There's no such thing
as prayer blocks.

209
00:09:05,836 --> 00:09:07,505
Yeah, right.

210
00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:12,552
<i>♪ Fight, fight, fight,</i>
<i>the Itchy and Scratchy Show. ♪</i>

211
00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:15,388
("Teardrop" by Massive Attack
plays)

212
00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:24,772
(gasps)

213
00:09:24,855 --> 00:09:26,315
(screams)

214
00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:33,072
("Teardrop" by Massive Attack
plays)

215
00:09:33,155 --> 00:09:34,156
(moans weakly)

216
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,200
(ding)

217
00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:40,079
(screams, grunting)

218
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:48,087
("Rock-A-Bye, Baby" plays)

219
00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:50,673
(laughing)

220
00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,925
Hey, why aren't you
doing your homework?

221
00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:54,552
I said he could
take a break.

222
00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:56,721
The violence
really relaxes me.

223
00:09:56,804 --> 00:09:58,472
You don't get to relax

224
00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:00,349
till you get to the bottom
of this homework stack.

225
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,602
Don't contradict me
in front of our son.

226
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:04,812
Well, don't be wrong
in front of our son.

227
00:10:04,895 --> 00:10:06,188
(grunting)

228
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:07,481
Oh, yeah? Well... (grunting)

229
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:09,066
(both grunting)

230
00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:11,569
(making goofy grunting sounds)

231
00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:18,534
Let's have lunch at Crouching
Tiger Hidden Egg roll.

232
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,828
Hmm. No line,
near the men's room.

233
00:10:20,911 --> 00:10:23,122
I see no reason
to question your choice.

234
00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:27,752
Smooth move, Mom,
tricking Dad into having lunch

235
00:10:27,835 --> 00:10:30,087
at the one place
that doesn't serve beer.

236
00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:32,840
What the...? Then I want to eat
at... Moe's Express.

237
00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:34,300
By express, I mean

238
00:10:34,383 --> 00:10:36,469
that you express
your anger and hatred.

239
00:10:36,552 --> 00:10:38,137
The last time
you ate there,

240
00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:40,181
you spent three nights
in the mall jail.

241
00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:42,767
That was last week,
and you're still bringing it up.

242
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:44,310
Well, you always miss

243
00:10:44,393 --> 00:10:45,853
when you throw your underpants
at the hamper.

244
00:10:45,936 --> 00:10:47,938
Well, how could I ever
hit the hamper

245
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:49,148
if you don't let me practice?

246
00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:51,233
You practiced all day
on my birthday.

247
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,694
Fine. I was gonna apologize,
but now I'm not going to.

248
00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:55,279
You were never going
to apologize.

249
00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:57,198
I was, too.
The words were in my brain.

250
00:10:57,281 --> 00:10:58,824
You're wrong,
and whenever you're wrong,

251
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:00,201
you just spout gibberish.

252
00:11:00,284 --> 00:11:03,496
(shouting gibberish)

253
00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:08,417
Congratulations.

254
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,795
You're officially a sociopath.

255
00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,588
Hey, at least
I'm on a path.

256
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,298
I don't mind if you
pee in the shower,

257
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:16,008
but only if you're
taking a shower.

258
00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:17,468
No freedom.

259
00:11:17,551 --> 00:11:19,428
I have no freedom
around this house.

260
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,847
After sex,
I'm not talking to you.

261
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:23,891
Well, then there
won't be any sex.

262
00:11:23,974 --> 00:11:27,436
You can't sex fire me,
I sex quit.

263
00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:32,525
(alarm ringing)

264
00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:36,904
<i>Got to stay mad.</i>

265
00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:39,031
<i>The next morning is where</i>
<i>the fight is won or lost.</i>

266
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:40,658
<i>Freeze him out.</i>

267
00:11:40,741 --> 00:11:42,493
<i>It's cold in Marge's</i>
<i>doghouse, baby.</i>

268
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:47,415
I just think
when two people disagree,

269
00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:49,917
the big jerk ought to apologize.

270
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,836
You know, Marge, (sighs)

271
00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:54,463
Maude and I had a fight
right before she died.

272
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:57,049
Neddy, when you're
drying your hands

273
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:58,426
with our monogrammed
towels,

274
00:11:58,509 --> 00:12:01,637
can you use the "NF"
towel, not the "MF"?

275
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:04,765
You know, maybe I should use
a towel marked "BDD"--

276
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:06,100
big diddily deal.

277
00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:07,685
(gasps)

278
00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:11,272
I play that fight over in
my mind a thousand times a day.

279
00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:17,486
(muttering):
Must win fight. Must win fight.

280
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:18,946
(crowd cheering)

281
00:12:19,029 --> 00:12:20,364
{\an8}Let me say to you all,

282
00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:23,117
I'm pretty sure
this is not a dream.

283
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:24,744
(crashing, gasps)

284
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:26,036
Oh, my God, I killed her.

285
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:27,747
(sobbing)

286
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:30,416
(gasps)
I've got to apologize.

287
00:12:30,499 --> 00:12:33,878
Once again, sleeping at work
has saved my marriage.

288
00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:36,297
Compromise has no
place in a marriage.

289
00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:37,965
Stick to your guns.

290
00:12:38,048 --> 00:12:41,177
And if he leaves, you'll be free
and happy, like us.

291
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:43,471
Yes. Happy.

292
00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:45,139
So happy.

293
00:12:45,222 --> 00:12:46,599
Hmm.

294
00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:54,565
I'm going to find my husband.

295
00:12:54,648 --> 00:12:56,734
Don't depress the kids.

296
00:12:58,652 --> 00:13:02,364
That pacifier's the last
true friend you'll have.

297
00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:07,077
Must apologize.
Must apologize.

298
00:13:15,544 --> 00:13:17,338
(both moan)

299
00:13:17,421 --> 00:13:19,924
I'm sorry we
ever fought.

300
00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:22,301
We can't let Bart
drive us apart.

301
00:13:22,384 --> 00:13:24,804
He's the reason
we had to get married.

302
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:26,931
Till the two of us
are back on track,

303
00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:28,641
Bart can fend
for himself.

304
00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:30,851
Bart? Bart who?

305
00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:32,686
I'm being cute.

306
00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:34,688
It's working.

307
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:36,565
(both moaning)

308
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,192
(siren wails, tires screech)

309
00:13:38,275 --> 00:13:40,361
Put down some flares, boys.

310
00:13:40,444 --> 00:13:43,489
We're gonna be here a while.

311
00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:46,492
(indistinct radio transmission)

312
00:13:51,121 --> 00:13:53,249
Awesome breakfast,
Marge.

313
00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:55,501
Breakfast in bed
is so much better

314
00:13:55,584 --> 00:13:58,254
than breakfast
in a chair.

315
00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:00,464
Mmm. I'm gonna go
paste your heads

316
00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:02,466
back into the
family photos.

317
00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:03,717
I've got them
right here.

318
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:08,639
Dad, I know you're gonna say no,
but Mom would say...

319
00:14:08,722 --> 00:14:09,974
Whatever.
Knock yourself out.

320
00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:11,225
What do you mean?

321
00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:12,977
You may not realize this, Bart,

322
00:14:13,060 --> 00:14:15,437
but your mother and I have been
fighting about you a lot lately.

323
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:17,773
And I've realized our marriage
is more important

324
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,149
than your future.

325
00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:20,609
From now on, you're on your own.

326
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:23,112
Really? Okay.

327
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:26,907
(humming)

328
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:28,576
Uh, Marge?

329
00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:30,077
I don't want
to ruin the moment,

330
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,745
but you got something stuck
between your...

331
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:33,038
Oh.

332
00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:35,457
(lusty moaning)

333
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:38,377
Ah, a peaceful
Saturday afternoon,

334
00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:41,463
with no Bart Simpson, and
no Milhouse, for that matter.

335
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:44,967
Nothing on my agenda but to sit
here and watch hummingbirds.

336
00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:49,847
(laughing)

337
00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:52,099
Sugar water?

338
00:14:52,182 --> 00:14:54,101
Now, why would someone...
(screams)

339
00:14:54,184 --> 00:14:56,103
Their tiny tongues
are like knives.

340
00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:57,646
(both laughing)

341
00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,148
Big mistake.

342
00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:01,400
Attacking me outside
school hours and property.

343
00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:03,903
Legally, I can spank
your bare bottoms.

344
00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:06,196
Follow me.

345
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:15,039
You can't hide forever,
and I'm a very patient man.

346
00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:18,459
I once waited an hour
and a half for a haircut.

347
00:15:18,542 --> 00:15:21,420
Whoa, what is
this place?

348
00:15:21,503 --> 00:15:24,715
Remember that time I was
carried off by groundhogs?

349
00:15:24,798 --> 00:15:26,842
This is where I wound up.

350
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,469
(electrical crackling)

351
00:15:28,552 --> 00:15:32,681
Behold,
an ancient subway station.

352
00:15:37,561 --> 00:15:39,897
I never knew Springfield
had a subway.

353
00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:42,358
It's like a Thomas the Tank
Engine we can go inside.

354
00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:44,109
With no
Sir Topham Hatt

355
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,654
to tell us what we can
and can't do.

356
00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:49,198
(both laugh)

357
00:15:49,281 --> 00:15:51,533
-(mechanical whirring)
-Whoa.

358
00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:55,454
(wheels rattling)

359
00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:57,957
(rumbling)

360
00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,083
(gasping)

361
00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:02,044
(glass clattering, breaking)

362
00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:03,545
(low rumbling)

363
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,047
Whoa, whoa.

364
00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:06,590
Which flavor do I save--

365
00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:09,051
the Radical Red
or the Blueberry Blast?

366
00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:11,720
Oh, curse this
Squishee's choice.

367
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,973
(rumbling)

368
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:16,141
(rumbling stops)

369
00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:18,811
(rumbling)

370
00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:21,271
(rumbling stops)

371
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:23,482
I love watching you knit.

372
00:16:23,565 --> 00:16:25,776
It reminds me
of watching pictures download

373
00:16:25,859 --> 00:16:27,778
on our old dial-up modem.

374
00:16:27,861 --> 00:16:29,697
Remember that day
we brought it home,

375
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:30,990
and it was all...

376
00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:34,076
eeee... ooo... eee... ooo.

377
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:36,495
(guttural whirring)

378
00:16:36,578 --> 00:16:38,998
(both laughing)

379
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:42,918
Oh, my God, Homie, we're
having a real conversation.

380
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,712
Yeah.

381
00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:46,171
Eeee.... ooo.

382
00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:48,298
(guttural whirring)

383
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:50,759
Oh, you won't believe
how I got home.

384
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,511
Don't know,
don't care.

385
00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:54,471
You don't even want to know
if I have anything to do

386
00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:56,348
with this mysterious
seismic activity of late?

387
00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:58,058
Nope.

388
00:16:58,142 --> 00:17:00,728
I'm saving my yelling
for where it does some good.

389
00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:03,731
(shouting):
Lisa! You're a wonderful child!

390
00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:06,400
Keep up
the good work!

391
00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:07,818
Thanks, Dad.

392
00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:10,279
But you're so loud,
it's hurting my ears.

393
00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:11,947
(shouting):
Sorry!

394
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,532
It's weird.

395
00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:16,201
I just made an entire town
lose its lunch.

396
00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:18,454
And?

397
00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:20,748
And I'm not feeling the rush.

398
00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:22,833
Tell me more.

399
00:17:22,916 --> 00:17:25,210
Something's missing.
Am I broken?

400
00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:27,421
Jump with me.

401
00:17:27,504 --> 00:17:29,548
(both grunt)

402
00:17:30,841 --> 00:17:32,843
Bart, at the end of the day,

403
00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:35,012
if your parents aren't p.o.'d,
you haven't really pranked.

404
00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:36,764
You got to take it up a notch.

405
00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:38,432
Really?

406
00:17:38,515 --> 00:17:41,602
If no one's getting mad,
are you really being bad?

407
00:17:41,685 --> 00:17:42,853
Think about it.

408
00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:44,730
Wow.

409
00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:47,149
I know.

410
00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:51,987
The tremors are
tearing her apart.

411
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:55,324
One more shake, and the whole
school could come down.

412
00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:57,409
Seymour, do something.

413
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:04,291
Destroy the school, eh?

414
00:18:04,374 --> 00:18:07,211
That's what I'm
talkin' about.

415
00:18:08,545 --> 00:18:11,256
Man, those textbooks
really burn.

416
00:18:12,716 --> 00:18:15,302
"Mom and Dad,

417
00:18:15,385 --> 00:18:17,971
Bart is going
to use the old subway

418
00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:21,016
to destroy
Springfield Elementary."

419
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,393
And there's a map of the
subway system attached.

420
00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:25,229
Homer, we've got
to stop him.

421
00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:27,106
But, Marge, I thought
we were chilling out

422
00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:28,774
for the sake
of our marriage.

423
00:18:28,857 --> 00:18:31,735
We're going to have
to be good parents to our son

424
00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:34,822
and work twice as hard
on our marriage.

425
00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:37,616
Fine. I'll do both at once.

426
00:18:37,699 --> 00:18:39,910
We should both take a role
in vacation planning.

427
00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:46,208
(deep rumbling)

428
00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:47,793
Oh, she's coming down.

429
00:18:47,876 --> 00:18:50,129
Oh, Lord,
let me finish this hallway,

430
00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:52,339
then you can send me to hell
a happy man.

431
00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:56,135
(tires screech)

432
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:59,221
(grunting)
Bart!

433
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:02,933
(grunting)

434
00:19:03,016 --> 00:19:05,018
Oh, there's a nickel.

435
00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:07,563
(grunting)

436
00:19:13,068 --> 00:19:14,820
Destroy. Destroy.

437
00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:16,446
Boy, look at that ironwork.

438
00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:24,163
Well, I'll be.
There's a sofa in here.

439
00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:28,041
(grunting)

440
00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:30,127
It's stuck.

441
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:35,174
Must... squeeze... harder.

442
00:19:35,257 --> 00:19:36,717
BART:
Nah...

443
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:37,593
Why you little....

444
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:40,345
(grunting)

445
00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:44,641
Whoo-hoo!

446
00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:46,268
(screeching, Bart cries out)

447
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:50,647
The school is saved.

448
00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:52,524
Unfurl the flag.

449
00:20:00,574 --> 00:20:01,867
(birds chirping)

450
00:20:01,950 --> 00:20:03,785
Mister, you
are grounded.

451
00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:05,662
And no TV.

452
00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:08,165
And I'm taking all the exciting
colors out of your crayons.

453
00:20:08,248 --> 00:20:10,876
And when you're out of my sight,
you must constantly Twitter me

454
00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:12,336
exactly what you are up to,

455
00:20:12,419 --> 00:20:15,881
even though I don't
know what Twitter is

456
00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:18,008
and have no desire
to find out.

457
00:20:18,091 --> 00:20:21,511
Ah, you guys
are the meanest parents ever.

458
00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:23,305
Thank you.

459
00:20:24,848 --> 00:20:26,850
Life stinks, huh?

460
00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:28,352
Totally.

461
00:20:28,435 --> 00:20:30,395
Mom said she was tipped off
by a note from me.

462
00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:32,397
But you know something?

463
00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:33,732
I didn't write this note.

464
00:20:34,524 --> 00:20:36,902
(nervous chuckle)
That's ridiculous.

465
00:20:36,985 --> 00:20:39,238
If you didn't write it,
who in the world could have?

466
00:20:39,321 --> 00:20:41,031
You wanted to get caught.

467
00:20:41,114 --> 00:20:42,783
Really?

468
00:20:42,866 --> 00:20:44,243
How can you be so sure?

469
00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:46,620
Elementary, my dear Simpson.

470
00:20:46,703 --> 00:20:48,622
Leave it to you
to misspell a word

471
00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:50,999
you see first thing
every morning.

472
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,794
But don't worry.
Your secret's safe with me.

473
00:20:53,877 --> 00:20:55,212
As far as Mom and Dad know,

474
00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:57,339
you're just a soulless
little psycho.

475
00:20:58,882 --> 00:21:00,008
Thanks, Lis.

476
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:01,093
Anytime.

477
00:21:03,428 --> 00:21:06,431
(chuckling)

478
00:21:11,561 --> 00:21:13,063
<i>NARRATOR:</i>
<i>So our family of the future</i>

479
00:21:13,146 --> 00:21:15,774
<i>is once again</i>
<i>together and happy.</i>

480
00:21:15,857 --> 00:21:17,651
<i>Mom brings Dad</i>
<i>the evening paper...</i>

481
00:21:17,734 --> 00:21:18,777
(dog barking)

482
00:21:18,860 --> 00:21:21,238
{\an8}<i>...one of six editions</i>
<i>printed daily.</i>

483
00:21:21,321 --> 00:21:23,240
{\an8}<i>Want to know what happened</i>
<i>in China yesterday?</i>

484
00:21:23,323 --> 00:21:25,242
<i>Read the paper.</i>

485
00:21:25,325 --> 00:21:27,536
{\an8}<i>And if Mom and Dad</i>
<i>want a little privacy,</i>

486
00:21:27,619 --> 00:21:30,872
{\an8}<i>Junior can be flash-frozen</i>
<i>until further notice,</i>

487
00:21:30,956 --> 00:21:34,376
<i>because this is the most</i>
<i>wonderful world of all--</i>

488
00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:36,586
{\an8}<i>the world of tomorrow.</i>

489
00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:54,062
Shh!

490
00:21:56,690 --> 00:21:58,650
{\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem