1
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,256
CHORUS SINGS:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:10,593 --> 00:00:11,594
Ah.
3
00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,893
(school bell ringing)
4
00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:22,272
(Barney belches)
5
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:24,315
(whistle blows)
6
00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:25,233
(yells)
7
00:00:30,613 --> 00:00:31,448
(beeping)
8
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:42,167
(playing the blues)
9
00:00:51,509 --> 00:00:52,385
Ooh!
10
00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:53,595
(gunfire)
11
00:00:53,678 --> 00:00:55,388
(tires screeching)
12
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,143
(horn honking, Grampa shouts)
13
00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:05,607
D'oh!
14
00:01:05,690 --> 00:01:06,441
(tires screeching)
15
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(grunts)
16
00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:09,152
(ominous music playing)
17
00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:11,362
(thunder rumbling)
18
00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:14,783
(light, gentle music plays)
19
00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:17,035
(buzzing)
20
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:28,338
♪♪
21
00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:30,799
(Homer chuckles)
22
00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:32,092
{\an8}Thanks to our new GPS,
23
00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:34,219
{\an8}I'll have you at school
in no time.
24
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(Homer chuckles)
25
00:01:35,386 --> 00:01:37,639
{\an8}FEMALE VOICE:
Turn right in 50 meters.
26
00:01:37,722 --> 00:01:38,932
{\an8}Oh, meters?
27
00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:42,018
{\an8}Dad, a meter is three inches
longer than a yard,
28
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:42,852
{\an8}which is 36 inches,
29
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,939
{\an8}so 50 divided by 39
times 36 equals...
30
00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:47,107
{\an8}You have missed your turn.
31
00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:48,775
{\an8}Recalculating.
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00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:51,027
{\an8}Turn right in .5 meters.
33
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:51,861
{\an8}Dad, no.
34
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,613
{\an8}That takes us
into a construction site.
35
00:01:53,696 --> 00:01:55,949
Stupid kid thinks he's
smarter than a computer.
36
00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,452
Seat belts, kids.
37
00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,496
(tires squealing)
38
00:02:01,579 --> 00:02:03,665
(Homer wailing)
39
00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:06,751
{\an8}Turn left. Turn right.
Turn left. Turn right.
40
00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:09,295
(Homer moaning)
41
00:02:14,425 --> 00:02:17,470
Decrease elevation ten feet,
then turn left.
42
00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:18,805
D'oh!
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00:02:20,014 --> 00:02:22,100
You have reached
your destination.
44
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,853
{\an8}-Thanks for the ride.
-Bye, Dad!
45
00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:27,313
{\an8}Turn right in 2.3 kilometers...
46
00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:28,481
{\an8}Why, you...
(grunts)
47
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Recalculating.
48
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,944
-So cold. So cold.
-(electronic crackling)
49
00:02:33,027 --> 00:02:35,071
(children laughing and shouting)
50
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{\an8}(squeaks)
51
00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:51,713
(swallows)
52
00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:53,840
Where's Mrs. K.?
53
00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:55,133
Mrs. Krabappel had
to go to Portland.
54
00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:56,384
Apparently, the
people she hired
55
00:02:56,467 --> 00:02:58,178
to deprogram her
sister from that cult
56
00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:00,138
turned out to be an
even worse cult.
57
00:03:00,221 --> 00:03:01,472
So, who's gonna
take her place?
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00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:02,599
Me, I hope.
59
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:04,726
Not you. Never you.
60
00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:06,311
And due to budget cuts,
until Edna comes back,
61
00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:07,729
I have no choice
but to merge
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00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:10,106
the school's two
fourth grade classes.
63
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,066
{\an8}-(students gasping)
-The other fourth grade?
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00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:13,860
{\an8}But they're so different
from us.
65
00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:16,029
{\an8}They have music
on Tuesdays.
66
00:03:16,112 --> 00:03:18,781
{\an8}Their teacher
takes her shoes off.
67
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,201
{\an8}Their twins are
one boy, one girl.
68
00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,911
Weird.
69
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,041
{\an8}(sighs)
All right, new kids,
70
00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:31,127
{\an8}jam your chairs into
my kids' desks.
71
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,338
{\an8}-Is anyone here?
-Oh, whatever.
72
00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:36,674
{\an8}-Is anyone here?
-Whatever.
73
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:37,717
{\an8}-Is anyone here?
-Is anyone here?
74
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:38,760
{\an8}-Whatever.
-Whatever.
75
00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:39,969
{\an8}'Sup? I'm Bodhi.
76
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,180
{\an8}-Do you surf?
-No.
77
00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:43,681
{\an8}My parents took me
to Hawaii once,
78
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:45,099
{\an8}but I was intimidated
79
00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:46,643
{\an8}by the physiques
of the local kids,
80
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,770
{\an8}so I just stayed
in the hotel room.
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00:03:48,853 --> 00:03:49,896
{\an8}That's cool.
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00:03:49,979 --> 00:03:51,648
{\an8}No, it's not cool.
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00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:53,066
{\an8}(grunts)
84
00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:56,486
{\an8}You are so dead.
85
00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:58,738
{\an8}Sorry. Let me get
that for you.
86
00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:01,908
{\an8}(gasps)
You're blind.
87
00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:04,619
{\an8}If anyone messes with this
kid, I will destroy them.
88
00:04:04,702 --> 00:04:06,621
{\an8}It's okay. No one's
messing with me.
89
00:04:06,704 --> 00:04:07,747
{\an8}You're not a freak,
90
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:09,832
{\an8}and I won't let you
think that about yourself.
91
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:11,584
{\an8}I don't think
I'm a freak.
92
00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:13,378
{\an8}So brave.
93
00:04:13,461 --> 00:04:15,296
Hmm. Huh.
94
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,674
{\an8}Um, this is the
last seat, so...
95
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:24,472
{\an8}My side, your side.
96
00:04:24,555 --> 00:04:25,473
{\an8}Hi, Nikki.
97
00:04:25,556 --> 00:04:26,432
{\an8}I'm Bart.
98
00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:28,059
{\an8}This situation,
it's nuts, right?
99
00:04:28,142 --> 00:04:29,686
{\an8}Oh, look at you--
100
00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:31,938
{\an8}opening a book so you
won't have to talk to me.
101
00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:34,899
{\an8}Well, I'm just gonna be
tuning up the old armpit.
102
00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:36,025
{\an8}(blows tone)
103
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:38,486
{\an8}(mimics sound
of passing gas)
104
00:04:38,569 --> 00:04:39,779
{\an8}Good news, children.
105
00:04:39,862 --> 00:04:42,282
{\an8}Everyone did well on this test,
except...
106
00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:44,534
{\an8}Lisa Simpson, F.
107
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:45,576
An F?
108
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:47,787
Okay, this is the time
when I always wake up.
109
00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:50,707
Come on, alarm clock,
get me out of this.
110
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:53,626
(imitates blaring alarm)
111
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:56,087
Sorry, Lisa--
this F is all too real.
112
00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:58,589
No it's not,
dream Hoover.
113
00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:00,925
{\an8}And as long as I'm asleep,
I'm gonna have some fun.
114
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:01,968
I can fly!
115
00:05:02,051 --> 00:05:02,969
Wheeee!
116
00:05:03,052 --> 00:05:05,096
{\an8}(grunts, groans)
117
00:05:05,179 --> 00:05:06,889
{\an8}This isn't a dream.
118
00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:08,850
{\an8}I really did fail.
119
00:05:08,933 --> 00:05:10,393
{\an8}I take no joy in this.
120
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:11,978
{\an8}(muttering):
Little Miss Perfect.
121
00:05:13,062 --> 00:05:14,647
BART:
Whoa.
122
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:16,941
{\an8}Damn, this
caterpillar can eat.
123
00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:18,818
{\an8}(gasps) Damn.
124
00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:20,611
{\an8}Damn!
125
00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:22,363
Do you mind?
126
00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:25,867
Oh, man, you girls ruin
everything-- even vampires.
127
00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:28,286
Hey, vampires
are cool outsiders
128
00:05:28,369 --> 00:05:30,455
who love girls
who hate cheerleaders.
129
00:05:30,538 --> 00:05:32,707
No, they're all
about chomping neck.
130
00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:34,709
And they don't put
product in their hair
131
00:05:34,792 --> 00:05:35,835
like this loser.
132
00:05:37,628 --> 00:05:39,672
They look like this.
133
00:05:40,798 --> 00:05:42,675
NIKKI:
Awesome picture.
134
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,177
Can I draw a robot
barfing screws
135
00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:45,928
on your arm with
my Sharpie?
136
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:48,306
I... I'd like that.
137
00:05:50,933 --> 00:05:52,268
(laughing)
138
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:55,188
And... finished.
139
00:05:58,358 --> 00:05:59,817
An F. An F!
140
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:02,362
I hope Harvard never finds out
about this.
141
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,489
(whirring)
142
00:06:07,241 --> 00:06:08,534
Huh?
143
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:10,286
Can I teeter
while you totter?
144
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,788
Ever since you got
that bad grade,
145
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:13,414
you seem a lot cooler.
146
00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,750
Lisa, you want
to come skip rope?
147
00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:16,793
You can replace the tree.
148
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:17,877
Eat lunch with me.
149
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,045
Share my locker.
150
00:06:19,128 --> 00:06:20,755
Come to my
birthday party.
151
00:06:20,838 --> 00:06:22,757
Love me.
152
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:25,134
Wow. This is kind of great.
153
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,136
Lisa, can I speak
to you for a moment?
154
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,221
Uh-oh.
155
00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:30,807
Looks like I'm in more trouble.
156
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:32,058
(chuckles)
157
00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:33,976
Born to be bad.
158
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:35,937
(children laughing)
159
00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:37,313
There was a mix-up
with your test.
160
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,982
(sighs)
You got an A-triple-plus.
161
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,818
Seems the F
belonged to Ralph.
162
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:42,985
I cheated wrong.
163
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:47,198
I copied the Lisa name
and used the Ralph answers.
164
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:52,578
CHILDREN:
Gifted! Gifted! Gifted!
165
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:53,913
I'm just advanced.
166
00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:55,123
You can catch up.
167
00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:56,582
CHILDREN:
Gifted!
168
00:06:57,750 --> 00:06:59,836
Dad, I know we don't normally
talk about this stuff,
169
00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:02,672
but there's this girl at school
I kind of like.
170
00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:05,758
Anyway, I'm really
hoping you could...
171
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,009
Dad?
172
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,094
-Hey, boy.
-(screams)
173
00:07:08,177 --> 00:07:09,262
(chuckles)
Your mother thinks
174
00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:10,930
I'm working on the car.
175
00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:13,433
Dad, that is genius,
but I need some advice.
176
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:14,767
Homer?
177
00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,811
I thought you
were fixing my brakes.
178
00:07:16,894 --> 00:07:19,397
(panicked screaming)
179
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,274
But I need to talk
about man stuff.
180
00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:22,316
Talk to Grampa.
181
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,235
-He used to be a man.
-He did?
182
00:07:24,318 --> 00:07:25,945
(grunting)
183
00:07:26,028 --> 00:07:28,781
Give up the goods,
you yellow devil!
184
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:31,117
So, I kind of like this girl
at school,
185
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,035
but I'm not sure
if she likes me back.
186
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:35,621
There's one sure
way to find out
187
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:38,749
if a girl likes
you-- steal a kiss.
188
00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:39,917
Really?
189
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,461
Did that ever work for you?
190
00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:42,420
Sure did.
191
00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:46,132
I remember it
like it was yesterday.
192
00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:48,468
(static crackling)
193
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:51,387
Uh-oh.
194
00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:57,268
Whoa.
195
00:07:57,351 --> 00:07:59,187
She boards, too?
196
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:06,235
♪♪
197
00:08:18,956 --> 00:08:25,963
♪♪
198
00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:34,388
So...
199
00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:36,182
what should we do now?
200
00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:38,851
Kiss her, ya idjit!
201
00:08:40,811 --> 00:08:41,938
(sighs)
202
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:43,606
(shrieks)
203
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:46,817
Bart Simpson kissed me.
204
00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:49,862
Oh, my God,
and that was my first kiss.
205
00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:52,740
It will always be my first kiss.
206
00:08:52,823 --> 00:08:54,116
Ew.
207
00:08:58,913 --> 00:08:59,914
Say, "Haw-haw."
208
00:08:59,997 --> 00:09:01,165
Haw-haw.
209
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:03,417
That was great!
210
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:05,503
Really great!
211
00:09:08,839 --> 00:09:12,385
♪♪
212
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:16,305
Marge, Homer, this is Brody
and Madison McKenna.
213
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,808
Bart has been sharing a desk
with their daughter, Nikki.
214
00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:21,686
Earlier today, your son
engaged in inappropriate
215
00:09:21,769 --> 00:09:24,230
mouth-on-mouth contact
with our daughter.
216
00:09:25,356 --> 00:09:27,483
You mean, he kissed her?
217
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,694
On the top
of the slide.
218
00:09:29,777 --> 00:09:30,987
That's all
that happened?
219
00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:32,405
And I got to miss work?
220
00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:34,574
(chuckles):
Oh, I could kiss you.
221
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:36,701
Mr. Simpson,
I'm an attorney,
222
00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:39,120
and my husband is
a federal prosecutor,
223
00:09:39,203 --> 00:09:40,830
and neither of us is happy.
224
00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:43,040
Well, maybe you guys
should look for easier jobs.
225
00:09:44,041 --> 00:09:45,793
Unless you make this
226
00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:47,336
an affection-free
environment,
227
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,630
we will sue this school
for its last dime.
228
00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:51,257
All right, here it is.
229
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:53,259
And we will make you
regret the day
230
00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:54,635
your son was born.
231
00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:56,345
You're halfway home, lady.
232
00:09:59,807 --> 00:10:00,975
It's not my fault.
233
00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:02,685
Grampa told me to kiss her.
234
00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:05,354
Why didn't you just tell
him to club her on the head
235
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:07,064
and drag her into a cave?
236
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:09,275
You mean second base?
237
00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:11,277
Whoa, he's a little
young for that.
238
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,112
Well, if I talk to Nikki,
I'm sure I can...
239
00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:15,114
No! If you go near her
one more time,
240
00:10:15,197 --> 00:10:16,449
we'll be sued
into the poor house
241
00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:18,075
and have to eat
garbage forever.
242
00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:18,909
That's no problem.
243
00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:20,703
Mom can make garbage
taste great.
244
00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:21,954
Thank you.
245
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:23,122
Well, I mean it.
246
00:10:23,205 --> 00:10:25,833
And it means
the world to me.
247
00:10:25,916 --> 00:10:27,251
Well, don't worry, boy.
248
00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:30,504
I know a wholesome way
to take your mind off girls.
249
00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:32,381
(screaming)
250
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,091
This is awesome!
251
00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:36,135
If only real life
was in 3-D.
252
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:37,803
(chuckles)
And the glasses smell
253
00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:40,097
like the last guy who
wore them had pizza.
254
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:49,857
♪♪
255
00:10:58,908 --> 00:10:59,909
(grunts)
256
00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:07,458
♪♪
257
00:11:16,133 --> 00:11:18,219
(yelling)
258
00:11:18,302 --> 00:11:21,430
(yell echoing)
259
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:32,817
♪♪
260
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:54,213
♪♪
261
00:11:55,005 --> 00:11:56,465
(squawking)
262
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,259
-(gunshots)
-Ha, ha!
263
00:11:58,342 --> 00:12:00,010
-(both laughing)
-Look at that.
264
00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:01,178
Oh, look at their guts.
265
00:12:01,262 --> 00:12:02,805
He has blood
all over him.
266
00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:04,765
(rapid typing on keyboard)
267
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:07,560
LISA:
"Dear fellow
organic gardening enthusiasts,
268
00:12:07,643 --> 00:12:09,145
I'm afraid I am too sad
269
00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:11,230
to post my list
of garden-friendly snails.
270
00:12:11,313 --> 00:12:12,940
Yet again, I have seen
the bitter truth
271
00:12:13,023 --> 00:12:16,277
of how difficult it is
to be smart and accepted.
272
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:19,363
With mulch love--
Lisa Simpson."
273
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,615
(laughs weakly)
Mulch love. That's cute.
274
00:12:21,699 --> 00:12:22,616
(computer chimes)
275
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,118
Somebody posted a comment?
276
00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:26,996
"Don't stop achieving
just yet, Lisa.
277
00:12:27,079 --> 00:12:30,082
You are not alone. Flotus1."
278
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:31,792
Huh? Flotus1?
279
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,544
Who could that be?
280
00:12:33,627 --> 00:12:34,587
SKINNER (over P.A.):
Attention, all students.
281
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:35,713
Please report
282
00:12:35,796 --> 00:12:37,506
to an attorney-mandated
school assembly.
283
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,008
To make time for this,
284
00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:41,802
the third grade's performance
of My Fair Lady is canceled.
285
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:44,013
(with British accent):
I say, that's rum news.
286
00:12:44,096 --> 00:12:45,973
Very rum, indeed.
287
00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:50,478
By now you've probably heard
288
00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:52,980
that one of our fourth graders
did something
289
00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:54,356
that a hundred years ago
290
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,525
would've been considered
innocent, but in today's
291
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,903
overly-litigious society
292
00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:01,781
has been blown completely
out of proportion.
293
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:03,783
Now, what he said was...
294
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,242
I can hear.
295
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:08,245
The following skit, or sketch,
296
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:10,164
demonstrates the behavior
297
00:13:10,247 --> 00:13:12,750
we wish you would save
for middle school.
298
00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:14,752
And... action!
299
00:13:14,835 --> 00:13:16,003
(light piano tune plays)
300
00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:20,508
Oh, I'm just a wee little lass,
combin' me beautiful hair.
301
00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:23,719
♪ Comb, comb, comb-ery doo... ♪
302
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,639
I'm Bart Simpson,
disruptive fourth-grader.
303
00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:29,642
Oh! I finally caught one
of Bart's school plays.
304
00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:30,935
That's not Bart.
305
00:13:31,018 --> 00:13:32,353
It's Principal Skinner.
306
00:13:32,436 --> 00:13:34,438
Bart's sitting
right next to you.
307
00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:36,440
Yeah, now that I look closer,
308
00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:38,359
that guy couldn't fool anybody.
309
00:13:38,442 --> 00:13:40,152
Shut up, fatso.
310
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,446
-Why you little... (grunting)
-(choking)
311
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,323
-(snaps fingers)
-(Homer grunts)
312
00:13:44,406 --> 00:13:46,617
(grunting and mumbling)
313
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:50,538
Now, players, recreate
the incident in question.
314
00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:52,581
Ick. Ugh.
315
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:53,749
(kissing sounds)
316
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,377
Hey, Willie,
does he taste like failure?
317
00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:58,170
(laughter)
318
00:13:58,254 --> 00:13:59,922
Stop that laughter!
319
00:14:00,005 --> 00:14:02,007
(laughter)
320
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:04,802
I can make these two kiss
all day, if I have to.
321
00:14:04,885 --> 00:14:06,554
Hmm?
322
00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:08,055
(grunts)
323
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:12,643
If you want them to keep
on kissing, just keep laughing.
324
00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:18,607
(laughter continues)
325
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:19,900
(laughter fading)
326
00:14:25,781 --> 00:14:26,991
(Bart sighs)
327
00:14:27,074 --> 00:14:28,868
Maybe I did do something wrong.
328
00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:31,745
(yells)
329
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:34,874
Oh, Bart, I hate
to see you like this.
330
00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:36,792
(sighs)
331
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,961
Aw, look who's all confused.
332
00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:40,379
Huh?
333
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:46,051
What the hell
are you doing?
334
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:47,386
I'm kissing you, stupid.
335
00:14:47,469 --> 00:14:49,305
You're the biggest
psycho I ever met.
336
00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:50,431
You wanna stop?
337
00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:51,765
Absolutely not.
338
00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:52,808
(sighs)
339
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:57,479
(Willie humming)
340
00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:59,940
(groaning)
341
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:05,154
(gasps)
342
00:15:05,237 --> 00:15:07,281
A VH-60N Whitehawk!
343
00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:13,829
(thrilling music plays)
344
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,247
(children gasping)
345
00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:21,670
First Lady
Michelle Obama?
346
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:22,671
(spits)
347
00:15:27,134 --> 00:15:29,178
I flew in from Turkmenistan
348
00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:32,431
because there's
a wonderful young person here
349
00:15:32,514 --> 00:15:34,642
who's feeling
a little discouraged.
350
00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:36,018
I sure am!
351
00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:37,645
This young lady...
352
00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:38,687
Oh.
353
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,856
...thinks just because
she's a high achiever,
354
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,441
no one will ever like her.
355
00:15:42,524 --> 00:15:43,525
Huh?
356
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:44,735
Well, as I tell schoolchildren
357
00:15:44,818 --> 00:15:47,821
all over the world,
I was a high achiever.
358
00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:51,241
I got A's back
when A's were hard to get.
359
00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:53,953
I was just like Lisa Simpson.
360
00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:55,287
(gasps)
361
00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:56,747
That's right, Lisa.
362
00:15:56,830 --> 00:16:00,125
As an avid organic gardener,
I've read your blog.
363
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:05,255
Flotus1 is First Lady
of The United States one!
364
00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:08,008
Yes. I wanted just "Flotus,"
but someone had it.
365
00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:11,136
That's me, 'cause I swim
with my flotuses on.
366
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:14,223
Everything I have
I got through academics.
367
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:17,226
I went to Chicago's
first magnet high school,
368
00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:19,979
then Princeton,
then Harvard Law.
369
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:23,691
And now you're the most elegant
and popular woman in the world!
370
00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:24,942
Well...
371
00:16:25,025 --> 00:16:26,527
(laughing) I don't
know about that.
372
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:28,821
There's Carla Bruni,
Queen Noor of Jordan...
373
00:16:28,904 --> 00:16:31,198
They're nothing compared to you.
374
00:16:31,281 --> 00:16:32,741
It's not a contest.
375
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:35,327
But if it were, I think
we know how it would go.
376
00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:39,456
But before I was who I am today,
I was a nerd.
377
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,166
So the lesson is, children...
378
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,876
I'll tell them
what the lesson is.
379
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,086
He's our Joe Biden.
380
00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:45,713
Understood. So kids,
381
00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:48,882
be nice to Lisa,
because the overachievers
382
00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:51,093
will someday
be running the country,
383
00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:53,220
and you don't want them
to be too screwed up.
384
00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:55,597
Now, who else is
an overachiever?
385
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:56,682
Come on, now!
386
00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:58,851
I am.
387
00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:00,561
I am, too.
388
00:17:00,644 --> 00:17:02,354
Fifth in my class
at Annapolis.
389
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:04,148
Scaled the summit
of the highest peaks
390
00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:05,899
on six of seven continents.
391
00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:07,985
Hey, that's great.
392
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:09,737
Don't forget to
bring the scooper
393
00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:11,071
when you
walk the dog.
394
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:12,531
Ma'am, yes, ma'am!
395
00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:13,615
Now, let's roll.
396
00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:15,743
(grunting)
397
00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:16,785
Sorry, ma'am.
398
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:19,246
We can't seem to reopen
the hatch to the copter.
399
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:23,625
You were saying?
400
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:25,044
Oh, well, I loosened it up.
401
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,716
That is the most
amazing thing
402
00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:32,593
that's ever happened
to this school.
403
00:17:32,676 --> 00:17:35,387
(laughs) Well, yeah, till
they find out about us.
404
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:37,181
What do you mean "us"?
405
00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:40,517
Well, like, uh,
a-aren't you my girlfriend now?
406
00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:42,102
Oh, you mean,
like you own me?
407
00:17:42,186 --> 00:17:43,395
I'm sorry.
408
00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:45,856
Ugh! You're always
apologizing.
409
00:17:45,939 --> 00:17:47,274
Just tell me
what you want!
410
00:17:47,357 --> 00:17:48,942
You should know
what I want!
411
00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:52,196
I want you to act the same
way two days in a row! Ugh!
412
00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:54,907
I'm not gonna let
you hurt me anymore.
413
00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:55,908
(screams, thuds)
414
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,744
(crying):
He's dead!
415
00:17:58,827 --> 00:18:01,163
I love him!
416
00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:02,623
(breathing loudly)
417
00:18:02,706 --> 00:18:03,874
Oh, he's breathing.
418
00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:05,709
Loser.
419
00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:14,593
He's stopped breathin'!
420
00:18:14,676 --> 00:18:16,136
Who knows gob-to-gob?
421
00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:19,181
You know, mutton hole
to mutton hole.
422
00:18:19,264 --> 00:18:22,059
No one goes near that boy
till the ambulance comes.
423
00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:25,729
Any physical contact violates
our school's no-touch policy.
424
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:27,981
Let's quickly prod him to the
curb with this pool skimmer.
425
00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:29,149
Good thinking.
426
00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:33,070
Move!
427
00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:34,321
I know CPR!
428
00:18:34,404 --> 00:18:35,823
Nikki, no!
429
00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:37,950
I prefer a dead child
to a lawsuit from your parents.
430
00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:42,955
♪♪
431
00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:51,338
(exhaling)
432
00:18:51,421 --> 00:18:58,428
♪♪
433
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:15,612
♪♪
434
00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:29,793
♪♪
435
00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:37,593
(cheering)
436
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:40,220
Ugh! Ya call that a kiss?
437
00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:41,096
-Come here.
-(whimpering)
438
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:41,930
(kisses)
439
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,390
(children chattering)
440
00:19:43,473 --> 00:19:46,101
Nelson, now that
the ban's been lifted,
441
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,603
let me touch your face.
442
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:50,439
That way, I can see you
with my fingers.
443
00:19:52,774 --> 00:19:55,027
Ew! I said your face,
not your butt!
444
00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:57,946
Oh, you feel comfortable
enough to mock me.
445
00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,239
-(grunts)
-(groans)
446
00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:01,074
That's for mocking me.
447
00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:04,870
Nelson, your punch
restored my vision!
448
00:20:04,953 --> 00:20:06,788
I can see again!
449
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,540
Really? Kevin,
that's wonder...
450
00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:09,666
Haw-haw!
451
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:12,628
The student has
become the master!
452
00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:15,464
Nikki, thanks for
saving my life.
453
00:20:15,547 --> 00:20:17,841
Look, can we just pretend
that never happened?
454
00:20:17,925 --> 00:20:19,009
I don't want
everyone at school
455
00:20:19,092 --> 00:20:20,594
to go around
thinking I like you.
456
00:20:20,677 --> 00:20:21,762
I don't get you.
457
00:20:21,845 --> 00:20:22,971
You're hot,
you're cold.
458
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:24,223
What is your deal?
459
00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:25,974
Oh, Bart, you've got
a few things
460
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,643
to learn about women.
461
00:20:27,726 --> 00:20:29,728
And I will never
tell you what they are.
462
00:20:29,811 --> 00:20:32,773
I give up.
Smell ya later.
463
00:20:34,024 --> 00:20:35,859
(sighs)
464
00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:41,198
I love you!
465
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:49,081
♪♪
466
00:21:27,452 --> 00:21:28,453
Shh!
467
00:21:31,623 --> 00:21:33,625
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