1 00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:05,755 CHOIR: ♪The Simpsons♪ 2 00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:12,137 Hello, darkness. 3 00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,935 (school bell ringing) 4 00:00:21,479 --> 00:00:22,647 BARNEY: Morning! 5 00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:24,733 (whistle blows) 6 00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:25,817 (yells) 7 00:00:30,488 --> 00:00:32,032 (beeping) 8 00:00:36,661 --> 00:00:39,706 (playing the blues) 9 00:00:40,665 --> 00:00:44,085 (playing the blues) 10 00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:46,713 (tires screeching) 11 00:00:46,796 --> 00:00:48,048 D'oh! 12 00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:49,340 (tires screeching) 13 00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:50,884 (grunts) 14 00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:09,235 -(explosion) -Ha! Ha! 15 00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:18,578 {\an8}MOE: Springfield, U.S.A. 16 00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:20,789 {\an8}A town where everyone's got a story. 17 00:01:20,872 --> 00:01:22,582 {\an8}I moved here 'cause on a calculator, 18 00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:24,667 {\an8}the zip code spells "boobs." 19 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,544 {\an8}It's a town filled with winners 20 00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:28,129 {\an8}and Skinners. 21 00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:29,506 {\an8}Why couldn't you have died 22 00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:31,382 {\an8}instead of the car? 23 00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:35,136 {\an8}MOE: But everybody comes to Moe's. 24 00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:37,680 {\an8}(people chattering) 25 00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:39,599 {\an8}(Homer laughing, crowd cheering) 26 00:01:39,682 --> 00:01:41,768 {\an8}(Barney snarling) 27 00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:47,607 {\an8}(crowd exclaims) 28 00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:48,900 {\an8}(Barney snarling) 29 00:01:48,983 --> 00:01:51,236 {\an8}(Lenny shouting) 30 00:01:51,319 --> 00:01:53,404 {\an8}(Barney snarling) 31 00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:57,575 {\an8}MOE: Moe's Tavern, presided over by Moe Szyslak-- 32 00:01:57,659 --> 00:02:00,703 {\an8}handsome, suave, debonair. 33 00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:02,122 {\an8}(sneezes) 34 00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:03,998 {\an8}Hey, get the camera off of me. 35 00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:05,542 {\an8}I'm narrating here. 36 00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,836 {\an8}MOE: Anyway, here's my little tale. 37 00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:11,256 {\an8}As the town's bartender, I know everyone's problems. 38 00:02:11,339 --> 00:02:16,803 {\an8}And everyone's got problems, especially the married ones. 39 00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:18,596 {\an8}Be they Bible-thumper... 40 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:21,641 {\an8}Timothy, I finished saying my prayers. 41 00:02:21,724 --> 00:02:23,017 {\an8}Not now, Helen. 42 00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:24,602 {\an8}Today's the day I paint moustaches 43 00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:26,146 {\an8}on my Pullman porters. 44 00:02:27,438 --> 00:02:29,399 {\an8}Mmm... 45 00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:30,775 {\an8}MOE: ...or jerky jockey. 46 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:32,777 {\an8}♪ Go to sleep, sleepy head ♪ 47 00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:34,779 {\an8}♪ May a cloud be your... ♪ 48 00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:36,823 {\an8}Where did we get this dreck? 49 00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:38,741 {\an8}Oof. Typical. 50 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:42,662 {\an8}Here's the kind of lullaby my sweet mother sang to me. 51 00:02:42,745 --> 00:02:45,498 {\an8}(woman singing loudly in Hindu, babies crying) 52 00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,041 {\an8}Oh! 53 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:51,296 {\an8}Why do you always change it to Sanskrit 93.7: The Dot? 54 00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:54,549 {\an8}I like Rajiv, Rubaba and Big Brahmin in the morning! 55 00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:57,135 {\an8}No caste is safe from their merry japes! 56 00:02:57,218 --> 00:03:01,181 {\an8}Having a Ma-hot-ma or Man-not-ma contest is not a jape. 57 00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:02,640 {\an8}It is sexist sacrilege! 58 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,184 {\an8}I hate that channel! 59 00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:06,603 {\an8}But you have so much in common with them-- 60 00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:08,062 {\an8}nonstop chatter during drive time! 61 00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:09,480 {\an8}Take it back. 62 00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:10,899 {\an8}I take it back. 63 00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:13,151 {\an8}MOE: And now you're probably wondering, 64 00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:15,278 {\an8}what's this all building to? 65 00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:16,779 {\an8}It's a timeless tale of... 66 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,573 {\an8}Hello! 67 00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:21,159 {\an8}Are you seein' what I'm seein' here? Ooh! 68 00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:22,577 {\an8}This omniscient point of view 69 00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:24,746 {\an8}has got some surprising bonuses! 70 00:03:24,829 --> 00:03:25,663 {\an8}Yeah. 71 00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:28,458 {\an8}Aw. No! No! No! Oh! 72 00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:30,001 {\an8}What the hell was I talking about? 73 00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:31,669 {\an8}Oh, yeah. It was just before Mother's Day. 74 00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:36,382 {\an8}I destroyed my body to give birth to you?! 75 00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:39,344 {\an8}(sentimental tune plays) 76 00:03:39,427 --> 00:03:42,138 {\an8}Kids, this Mother's Day, 77 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,724 {\an8}why don't you give your mom what she really wants: 78 00:03:44,807 --> 00:03:46,559 {\an8}a break from you? 79 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:48,895 {\an8}Have your dads take all you annoying kids 80 00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:51,648 {\an8}on a Krusty Krustival Kruiseline Day-Kruise 81 00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:53,608 {\an8}to historic Weasel Island, 82 00:03:53,691 --> 00:03:56,444 {\an8}one of America's ten roundest islands. 83 00:03:56,527 --> 00:03:59,697 {\an8}Explore a dark, dark weasel cave. 84 00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:01,783 {\an8}Tour the historic Civil War prison, 85 00:04:01,866 --> 00:04:03,660 {\an8}and picnic where the bodies 86 00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:05,328 {\an8}were once stacked like cordwood. 87 00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:07,455 {\an8}Plus some kind of amusement park! 88 00:04:07,538 --> 00:04:09,207 {\an8}ANNOUNCER: Warning: you may not be amused. 89 00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:10,792 {\an8}You guys should go on that cruise. 90 00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:12,502 {\an8}You'll have a great time, 91 00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:15,046 {\an8}and you kids can spend the day getting to know your father. 92 00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:18,967 {\an8}I like beer, hot dogs, and long blackouts on the beach. 93 00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:22,136 {\an8}And I can spend my Mother's Day taking care of something 94 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:24,389 {\an8}I've been putting off for a long time. 95 00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:26,307 {\an8}Cleaning the gutters? 96 00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:28,226 {\an8}That's something you've been putting off. 97 00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:30,436 {\an8}(gasps) Cartoons! Everybody, be quiet! 98 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,398 (ragtime piano playing) 99 00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:49,664 (moaning) 100 00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:06,347 ♪ ♪ 101 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,395 (laughter) 102 00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:14,063 So, Marge, what were we talking about? 103 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,231 (sighs) 104 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,150 Why do I waste my breath? 105 00:05:17,233 --> 00:05:18,443 Sorry, honey. I wasn't listening, 106 00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:20,320 and I won't be listening now. 107 00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:25,325 Hey, Homer, what do you think Mom meant by 108 00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:27,285 "taking care of something"? 109 00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:29,912 Son, I'm a bit of an expert on the female gender, 110 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:34,250 and I can tell you, women don't mean anything by anything. 111 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,002 Dad, that's a dangerous attitude 112 00:05:36,085 --> 00:05:37,962 for you to take towards your wife. 113 00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:39,464 I hear what you're saying, Lisa. 114 00:05:39,547 --> 00:05:41,424 (whispers loudly): Nothing. 115 00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:46,095 Into the playpen, sweetie. 116 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,389 And if you get hungry, there's lobster. 117 00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:54,812 (boat horn blows) 118 00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:57,231 (bicycle bell dings) 119 00:05:57,315 --> 00:05:58,733 Special delivery letter 120 00:05:58,816 --> 00:06:01,402 for Misters Simpson, Lovejoy and Nahasapeemapetilon. 121 00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:02,737 (grunts) 122 00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:03,946 (yells) 123 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:05,740 APU: It's going to drop. 124 00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:10,787 What? 125 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,085 It's from Moe. 126 00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:19,712 MOE: "Dear friends, I have some news that is doubly sad. 127 00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:22,173 First off, I am leaving town forever. 128 00:06:22,256 --> 00:06:24,634 And my going away present? 129 00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:27,136 One of your wives is running off with me." 130 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,138 One of our wives is leaving us for Moe?! 131 00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,307 Moe's leaving town?! 132 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,309 MOE: "Perhaps I should've told you in person, 133 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,020 but there's no easy way to say goodbye forever. 134 00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:38,356 So I'll say it the hardest way I can: in Mandarin Chinese. 135 00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:39,941 Zai jian yong yuan!" 136 00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:41,734 (all gasp) 137 00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:43,861 MOE: And now, as our teakettle starts to toot, 138 00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:45,571 I'm gonna take a little break. 139 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:47,657 (clears throat): Boy, this voice-over thing is killin' me. 140 00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:50,701 Whatever that Don Pardo gets paid, it ain't enough. 141 00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:53,162 DON PARDO: I make more than you can possibly imagine. 142 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,164 And I'm making it right now. 143 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,499 -(gull screeches) -MOE: Where are you? 144 00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:04,465 Moe is running off with one of our wives?! 145 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,300 Well, the stationery's legit. 146 00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:08,177 It's got the Moe watermark. 147 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,430 So I guess the question is, 148 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:13,099 which one of our wives got Moe-jacked? 149 00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:14,725 Well, I will end this suspense 150 00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:17,520 with a simple cellular phone call to Manjula. 151 00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:19,230 (beep) 152 00:07:19,313 --> 00:07:21,149 -No signal?! -No battery?! 153 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:23,192 -I got Marge! -MARGE (staticky): Homer? 154 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,902 Marge, are you running off with Moe? 155 00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:26,737 Homer? I'm... you! 156 00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:29,115 You're losing me, or you're leaving me?! 157 00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:30,825 We're breaking up! 158 00:07:30,908 --> 00:07:33,077 -(phone beeps) -Aw, damn it! 159 00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,328 (grunts) 160 00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:35,329 Homer? 161 00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:37,457 Ooh, can't talk. Must text. 162 00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:42,086 Marge, have you left me for...? 163 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:44,464 (anguished moan) 164 00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:47,133 We needed that pole to hook the dock. 165 00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:48,676 (people screaming) 166 00:07:48,759 --> 00:07:51,179 (explosion) 167 00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:53,556 Most of our cargo is explosives. 168 00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:59,270 (weasels chittering) 169 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,192 You rebel scum make me sick. 170 00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:05,776 This is sweet justice 171 00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:08,404 for how you greybacks treated our boys at Andersonville! 172 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,114 (grunting) 173 00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:13,409 When there's cruelty involved, Bart sure knows his history. 174 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:16,120 Well, if Moe were leaving with one of our wives, 175 00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:17,830 it wouldn't be my Helen. 176 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:20,291 We just started a new jigsaw puzzle last week. 177 00:08:20,374 --> 00:08:21,792 We're still on the edges. 178 00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:24,629 Well, Marge and I don't have any problems. 179 00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:26,547 We never even fight anymore. 180 00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:28,925 What? 181 00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,885 When a woman is peaceful and content, 182 00:08:30,968 --> 00:08:33,387 that means all hell is about to break loose. 183 00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:35,056 Think back, Homer. 184 00:08:35,139 --> 00:08:37,016 When did you first realize Marge was checked out 185 00:08:37,099 --> 00:08:39,769 like a Harry Potter book at the public library? 186 00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:41,103 Think back, 187 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,147 think back, think back... 188 00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:45,775 (rattling) 189 00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:48,110 Not that far back. 190 00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:53,241 Homer, my Mother's party's starting any minute. Get busy. 191 00:08:55,826 --> 00:08:58,079 Moe, my in-laws are coming. 192 00:08:58,162 --> 00:09:01,082 I need something strong enough that I forget I hate them, 193 00:09:01,165 --> 00:09:03,918 but not so strong that I tell them I love them. 194 00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:06,462 Sorry, Homer, I ain't serving no liquor. 195 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,714 Just O'Glums non-alcohol beer. 196 00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:10,800 Marge, this is crazy! 197 00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:12,969 This is my mother's 80th birthday party, 198 00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:14,679 and you're not ruining it. 199 00:09:14,762 --> 00:09:16,514 Oh, you'll have a good time. 200 00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:17,932 I invited a friend for you. 201 00:09:18,015 --> 00:09:21,435 -Knock-a-doodle-you! -Flanders?! 202 00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:22,937 Neighbor Marge invited me over 203 00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:24,564 to be the little angel on your shoulder, 204 00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:27,066 so you wouldn't listen to the 400 devils on the other. 205 00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:28,442 D'oh! 206 00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:30,403 D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! 207 00:09:30,486 --> 00:09:33,114 ♪ ♪ 208 00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:38,244 Hey, Chunky with the Pants of Meatballs. 209 00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:39,745 Take our picture. 210 00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:41,581 All right. 211 00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:42,456 I wasn't smiling! 212 00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:43,624 What the... 213 00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:44,709 I had something in my teeth. 214 00:09:44,792 --> 00:09:45,710 Why you... 215 00:09:45,793 --> 00:09:46,711 My eyes were shut. 216 00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:48,337 Lousy... 217 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,673 -My sweater's on backwards! -(groans) 218 00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,341 He can't do anything right. 219 00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,760 Except setting off car alarms with his big fat footsteps. 220 00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,220 You take that back! 221 00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:58,889 (Homer grunts and stomps, car alarms sound) 222 00:10:00,474 --> 00:10:02,602 (both laughing) 223 00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:04,228 Go ugly up someone else's house, 224 00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:06,897 you penis-curling she-devils! 225 00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:08,316 Ah, you got it. 226 00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:09,817 We're not staying where we're not wanted. 227 00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:11,319 Every time I plan something 228 00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:15,197 that means something to me, you somehow mess it up. 229 00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:18,200 (snapping) 230 00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:21,454 (snapping) 231 00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:24,040 I need some cash, man. 232 00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:28,628 "You will lose all your money." 233 00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:31,047 (scoffs) We'll see about that. 234 00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,348 (woman cackling) 235 00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:42,266 One, please. 236 00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:44,602 You had that scar before you got on. 237 00:10:44,685 --> 00:10:46,771 -What scar? -Oh, you'll find out. 238 00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:50,066 Oh, I like keeping, I like keeping records of myself. 239 00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:52,860 Oh. Ah, man, do I make the soup. 240 00:10:52,943 --> 00:10:54,737 My goodness, do I make the soup. 241 00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:56,238 Oh, I'm doomed! 242 00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,699 Now, we don't know for sure it's your wife. 243 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,117 It could be yours. 244 00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:01,661 Oh, no, sir. 245 00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:03,079 My marriage is solid. 246 00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:05,915 Manjula would never cheat on me like I cheated on... 247 00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:07,792 -Oh, boy. -That's right. 248 00:11:07,875 --> 00:11:09,877 Now, was there ever a time 249 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,254 when your wife might have found comfort 250 00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:14,632 in Moe's hairy arms? 251 00:11:14,715 --> 00:11:16,258 Think back, Apu. 252 00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:17,802 Think back, Apu... 253 00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:19,762 (Ralph yelps) 254 00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:21,806 (thunder crashing) 255 00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:25,184 May we use your restroom 256 00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:27,228 to change our kids out of their cricket uniforms? 257 00:11:27,311 --> 00:11:28,771 We got caught in the rain 258 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:32,525 because someone wouldn't use international short form rules. 259 00:11:32,608 --> 00:11:34,860 All right, calm down there, 'Pu and She-Pu. 260 00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:36,779 -You can use the restroom. -(sighs) 261 00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:38,781 My one day off and it is miserable. 262 00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:41,075 This is my day every day. 263 00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:42,451 You see this? 264 00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,745 I'm playing the world's smallest sitar for you. 265 00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:46,038 (thunder crashing) 266 00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:50,668 One, two, three, four, five, six... 267 00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:51,919 (gasps, screams) 268 00:11:52,002 --> 00:11:53,212 We are missing a tuplet! 269 00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:55,715 We must have left it at that godforsaken pub! 270 00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:57,883 How could you forget your own child? 271 00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:59,593 How could you forget your own child?! 272 00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:01,762 Oh, I can't believe I married you. 273 00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:04,056 What my grandfather saw in your grandfather, 274 00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:07,184 -I will never know. -(phone beeps) 275 00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:08,686 MOE: Uh, hey, 'Pu. 276 00:12:08,769 --> 00:12:11,188 I just want you to know that I got one of your kids here. 277 00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:12,690 This ain't a kidnapping thing, 278 00:12:12,773 --> 00:12:14,817 but if you're in the mood to give me a million dollars, 279 00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:16,110 that's cool. 280 00:12:16,193 --> 00:12:17,820 This should not be interpreted 281 00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:19,613 by federal agents as a threat. 282 00:12:19,697 --> 00:12:22,241 Once again, uh, no threat, but will take the dough. 283 00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:24,952 Well, one of us has to go back to Moe's. 284 00:12:25,035 --> 00:12:27,413 Maybe have a beer or two, shoot a game of pool, 285 00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:29,874 and if I win, I have to play the challenger, 286 00:12:29,957 --> 00:12:31,834 such are the customs of billiards. 287 00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:33,043 (tires squealing) 288 00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:36,714 What a great father, I say sarcastically! 289 00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:41,010 If only that mark on your forehead was an off button! 290 00:12:41,093 --> 00:12:43,053 Hours later, she returned-- 291 00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:45,139 smelling of beer and pickled eggs. 292 00:12:45,222 --> 00:12:46,140 I know no more. 293 00:12:46,223 --> 00:12:47,808 Uh... I do. 294 00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,185 You do?! Tell me! 295 00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:51,687 I was there when your wife got to Moe's, 296 00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:54,607 being my usual effervescent self. 297 00:12:54,690 --> 00:12:56,776 (snoring) 298 00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:58,861 -(giggling) -(gargling) 299 00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:02,406 Oh, thank you for saving my precious... 300 00:13:03,657 --> 00:13:05,785 ...Gheet! (sighs) 301 00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,536 Sounds like you had a rough day. 302 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,038 It's true. 303 00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:12,625 My eyes have more bags than the Darjeeling Limited. 304 00:13:12,708 --> 00:13:15,044 (laughs) Yeah, that's-that's probably a good one. 305 00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:17,296 Here, I got somethin' that might cheer ya up. 306 00:13:17,379 --> 00:13:19,340 I got this for women that came to the bar, 307 00:13:19,423 --> 00:13:22,009 and, uh, Low-Blow Boxing for the guys. 308 00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:24,804 My nards! My nards! My nards! 309 00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:26,722 So, uh, would you like to cut one? 310 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:27,932 I mean a rug. 311 00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:30,017 Oh, God, I always say the wrong thing. 312 00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:36,023 ♪ Red One, Konvict GaGa... ♪ 313 00:13:36,106 --> 00:13:38,692 You said you'd be home by 7:00 314 00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:40,611 to help with my mother's birthday! 315 00:13:40,694 --> 00:13:42,238 (Marge grunting, Homer groaning) 316 00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:44,240 -Then what happened? -I don't know. 317 00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:45,199 (children moaning) 318 00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:47,243 Teacup? How'd that get in there? 319 00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:49,912 Question me, you little rutabaga brain, 320 00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:52,581 I'll take your eyeball and make soup out of it. 321 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,875 Well, how can you be sure your wife is not the putty 322 00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:55,918 in the bartender's hands? 323 00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:57,169 Yeah, Padre. 324 00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:59,797 How innocuous are your flashbacks? 325 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,924 Well, I, uh... 326 00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:04,009 (ferry horn honking) 327 00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:06,929 The ferry will be back in ten minutes. 328 00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:10,766 It'll take us home to find out the truth. 329 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,643 -The truth. -The roof. 330 00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:14,645 (honking continues) 331 00:14:14,728 --> 00:14:16,939 (car horns honking) 332 00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:19,316 I'm still mad at you from last night. 333 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:22,194 Today's the first, which means it was last month, 334 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,738 which means you're being ridiculous. 335 00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:27,616 Hmm, I'm glad we never argue like that. 336 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:30,953 Yes, to argue, you have to actually talk to each other. 337 00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:33,414 Way to bitch up the conversation, Helen. 338 00:14:33,497 --> 00:14:34,748 (grunts) 339 00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:36,667 Oh, Tim. 340 00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:38,377 As your spiritual advisor, 341 00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:41,463 I'm afraid you two have a b-b-b-big problem. 342 00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:42,882 Me and Helen? 343 00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:44,842 Why, we're as happy as Adam and Eve 344 00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:47,386 before Eve munched us all to hell. 345 00:14:47,469 --> 00:14:49,054 Mm-mm-mmm. 346 00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:50,848 I'm gonna let you in on a little trick 347 00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:52,600 they taught us in Divinity School. 348 00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:54,143 Now take a look at Helen over there. 349 00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:56,270 She seems happy as a clam, am I right? 350 00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:57,605 LOVEJOY: Oh, happier. 351 00:14:57,688 --> 00:15:01,525 Where a clam has only one pearl, she has many. 352 00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:03,861 Now, don't you jive me, Tim. 353 00:15:03,944 --> 00:15:07,698 Just take your thumb and put it over her mouth. 354 00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:11,952 (growling) 355 00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:13,495 See? 356 00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:16,332 Looks like that she-cano is about to blow! 357 00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:18,876 ♪ Krakatoa, east of java ♪ 358 00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:20,961 ♪ Never spewed a hotter lava ♪ 359 00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:24,632 ♪ Than a Mount Saint Helen who's mad at you ♪ 360 00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:27,718 ♪ Kilauea or you will pay her... ♪ 361 00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:30,888 (both scatting) 362 00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:35,809 Is the preacher here? 363 00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:37,937 'Cause there's somethin' I gotta get off of my chest. 364 00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:39,855 Somethin' more suited for the town gossip 365 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,732 than the minister's wife. 366 00:15:41,815 --> 00:15:43,025 Do tell. 367 00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:46,570 Uh... well, there's this married woman 368 00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:48,614 that I have feelings for. 369 00:15:48,697 --> 00:15:51,158 And her husband don't realize how upset she is with him. 370 00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:52,534 Do I know her? 371 00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:55,245 I'm, uh... I'm sure you do. 372 00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:57,331 Oh. (giggles) 373 00:15:57,414 --> 00:15:58,749 What's so damn funny? 374 00:15:58,832 --> 00:16:00,334 I mean... (chuckles) 375 00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:02,711 Oh. 376 00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:05,631 That's right. 377 00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:07,633 She touched his knee. 378 00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:10,219 -His knee. -LISA: Dad, 379 00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:13,055 I'm gonna need some help getting this off. 380 00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:15,224 (Lisa grunting, metallic squeaking) 381 00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:24,608 Otto, you got to get us back to town. 382 00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:27,653 Oh, nobody told me I had to drive the bus back. 383 00:16:27,736 --> 00:16:30,447 (grunts) I've mistimed some substances! 384 00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:32,700 (metallic snapping) 385 00:16:38,205 --> 00:16:39,289 Here it comes, 386 00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:40,749 the moment of truth. 387 00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:46,422 (gasps): She's packing her bag. 388 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,590 So it is you, Mr. Homer. 389 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:49,842 But let's be honest. 390 00:16:49,925 --> 00:16:52,636 A woman her age married to a man of-- 391 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,388 how old are you, 65? 392 00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:56,056 Thirty-nine. 393 00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:59,101 Dear God, this day gets more and more disturbing. 394 00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:01,145 (Homer moaning) 395 00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:02,354 (gasping) 396 00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:04,440 Marge! No! Stop packing your... 397 00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:05,482 painting supplies?! 398 00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:06,942 BART AND LISA: Grandma?! 399 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,069 What do you think? 400 00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:11,113 You're not leaving me? 401 00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:12,573 My mother explained 402 00:17:12,656 --> 00:17:15,117 that what happened at the party wasn't your fault. 403 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:16,827 It's that Patty and Selma. 404 00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:18,704 There's something evil about them. 405 00:17:18,787 --> 00:17:21,331 Did you know they smoked when I was pregnant? 406 00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:23,167 Oh, Marge, you're not leaving with Moe 407 00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:27,296 is the best thing that never happened to me. 408 00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:28,589 (Marge moans) 409 00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:29,631 OTTO: Okay, Reverend, 410 00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:30,924 your place is next. 411 00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:33,510 Actually, Milhouse and I are next. 412 00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:35,512 Huh. There's no suspense at your place. 413 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:36,889 Even I've hooked up with your old lady. 414 00:17:36,972 --> 00:17:38,057 Sorry, kid. 415 00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:41,143 You were my favorite uncle, Uncle Otto. 416 00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:54,406 Two tickets to Istanbul? 417 00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:55,866 That's right, Tim. 418 00:17:55,949 --> 00:17:58,494 I'm taking these bags, and I'm walking out that door. 419 00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:00,537 Meanwhile, you'll be setting the alarm, 420 00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:02,247 and then you'll join me in the cab. 421 00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:04,583 You're leaving... with me? 422 00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:06,585 Would you rather I bring someone else 423 00:18:06,668 --> 00:18:10,714 on the world's most romantic train? 424 00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:12,382 Oh, Helen. 425 00:18:12,466 --> 00:18:14,009 (moans) 426 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,469 Is that a train in your pocket 427 00:18:15,552 --> 00:18:17,012 or are you just happy to see me? 428 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,555 Both. 429 00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:21,391 And so it is me. 430 00:18:21,475 --> 00:18:23,393 (sad melody plays) 431 00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:37,866 I feel the pain of a thousand Squishee headaches. 432 00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:45,582 My worst fears are confirmed. 433 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:47,543 Apu, this man has come here to convince me 434 00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:49,378 to do something I never thought I would do... 435 00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:50,879 stay with you. 436 00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:53,132 (gasps): You mean you are not leaving me for him? 437 00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:55,134 (laughs) Don't be ridiculous. 438 00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:57,010 What am I, blind and noseless? 439 00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:58,428 Hey, hey, I'm right here. 440 00:18:58,512 --> 00:19:00,472 Believe me, I know. 441 00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:02,891 Apu, our marriage will never be easy. 442 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:05,394 But nothing worth doing is ever easy. 443 00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:06,728 It is true. 444 00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:09,565 The tastiest ice cream is the hardest to scoop. 445 00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:11,692 But if you wrap something warm around it... 446 00:19:11,775 --> 00:19:12,985 Oh. 447 00:19:13,068 --> 00:19:14,361 Very nice. 448 00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:15,737 Well all's well that ends well, huh? 449 00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:17,489 Yes, except for... 450 00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:19,324 why did you write that horrible letter?! 451 00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:23,495 When I saw how much trouble your marriages were in... 452 00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:26,540 ...I knew I had to act fast. 453 00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:28,417 I got Marge's mother to go to Marge, 454 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:30,043 convinced Helen to ride the rails of romance 455 00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:31,587 with the padre, 456 00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:34,256 then I bought some roadside corn, ate it raw, 457 00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:37,217 got a kernel in my teeth, flossed with the corn silk, 458 00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:39,303 and then I came over to fix things with Manjula. 459 00:19:39,386 --> 00:19:42,472 And I wrote that letter so you three chumps would realize 460 00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:45,767 that you have not been treatin' your wives the way they deserve. 461 00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,686 Think of it as a wake-up call 462 00:19:47,769 --> 00:19:50,272 from a man who ain't got nothin' but a blow-up doll. 463 00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:51,648 And even she left me. 464 00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:53,650 Should not have used helium. 465 00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:56,820 Moe, I don't know whether to punch you or kiss you. 466 00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:58,238 So I'm gonna do both. 467 00:19:58,322 --> 00:19:59,489 -(grunts) -(groans) 468 00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:00,574 Yeck. 469 00:20:00,657 --> 00:20:02,659 MOE: So all you mugs out there, 470 00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:06,038 be sure you don't take for granted the woman you love. 471 00:20:06,121 --> 00:20:09,041 Oh, and it's Mother's Day, so call your ma. 472 00:20:09,124 --> 00:20:11,543 Take her down to the diner at the department store there. 473 00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:13,295 Get her a roast beef on rye. 474 00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:16,131 Oh, and make sure she gets a fruit cup on the side. 475 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,633 She's worth it. 476 00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:20,469 {\an8}("I'll Always Love My Mama" by The Intruders playing) 477 00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:23,472 {\an8}♪ I'll always love my mama ♪ 478 00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:25,599 {\an8}♪ She's my favorite girl ♪ 479 00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:31,480 {\an8}♪ I'll always love my mama ♪ 480 00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:33,607 {\an8}♪ She brought me in this world ♪ 481 00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:38,987 {\an8}♪ Sometimes I feel so bad ♪ 482 00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:42,991 {\an8}♪ When I think of all the things I used to do ♪ 483 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:46,828 {\an8}♪ How Mama used to clean somebody else's house ♪ 484 00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:50,916 {\an8}♪ Just to buy me a new pair of shoes ♪ 485 00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:54,795 {\an8}♪ I never understood how Mama made it through the week ♪ 486 00:20:54,878 --> 00:20:58,840 {\an8}♪ When she never ever got a good night's sleep ♪ 487 00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:01,218 {\an8}♪ Talking about Mama ♪ 488 00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:02,636 {\an8}♪ Oh, she's one of a kind ♪ 489 00:21:02,719 --> 00:21:04,304 {\an8}♪ Talking about Mama ♪ 490 00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:06,932 {\an8}♪ You've got yours and I've got mine ♪ 491 00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:09,726 {\an8}♪ Talking about Mama ♪ ♪ My Mama ♪ 492 00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:16,233 {\an8}♪ Hey, Mama, my heart belongs to you, yeah ♪ 493 00:21:16,316 --> 00:21:20,904 {\an8}♪ I'll always love my mama, she's my favorite girl. ♪ 494 00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:22,197 (people talking) 495 00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:24,199 Shh! 496 00:21:26,868 --> 00:21:28,870 {\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem