1
00:00:02,752 --> 00:00:05,088
CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:05,171 --> 00:00:07,132
Aah!
3
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:12,178
(exclaims)
4
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,810
(school bell ringing)
5
00:00:21,062 --> 00:00:22,022
(Barney belches)
6
00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:25,233
-(whistle blows)
-(yells)
7
00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:31,406
(beeping)
8
00:00:36,953 --> 00:00:38,830
(playing the blues)
9
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:47,881
(grunts)
10
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,969
-Ooh!
-(gunfire)
11
00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:55,263
(tires screeching)
12
00:00:58,850 --> 00:00:59,934
-(horn honks)
-(Grampa shouts)
13
00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:02,562
(tires screech)
14
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:05,398
D'oh!
15
00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:07,901
-(tires screeching)
-(grunts)
16
00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:10,361
HOMER: Hmm?!
17
00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:11,863
(whimpers, grunts)
18
00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:19,454
-(Marge grumbles)
-HOMER: Hmm...
19
00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:21,372
-HOMER: Hmm?!
-(Marge grunts)
20
00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:23,208
HOMER: Hey!
21
00:01:23,291 --> 00:01:25,710
-(startled shouts)
-(angry jabbering)
22
00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:43,853
{\an8}(music playing on TV)
23
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,939
Tonight on "Kent's Korrections,"
24
00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:47,565
it has been brought to our attention
25
00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:50,568
that the word "correction"
is actually spelled with a "C."
26
00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:52,695
We regret any confusion
this may have caused.
27
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,865
{\an8}Lisa, mash the buttons
till something good comes on.
28
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:58,451
ANNOUNCER:
Welcome back to Tube Town, the home of...
29
00:01:58,535 --> 00:02:00,745
(announcer continues reading)
30
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,293
But coming up now,
31
00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:10,964
the classic '80s sitcom,
Thicker Than Waters.
32
00:02:11,047 --> 00:02:14,634
♪ Cherish that family smile ♪
33
00:02:14,717 --> 00:02:20,056
♪ Picket fence days don't last forever ♪
34
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:23,726
♪ The future is coming up ♪
35
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,146
♪ Mom and Dad and kids ♪
36
00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:32,819
♪ Are precious ♪
37
00:02:32,902 --> 00:02:35,321
(studio audience applauding)
38
00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,490
ANNOUNCER:
Filmed before a live studio audience.
39
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:38,616
(chuckling)
40
00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:41,494
Everyone in that studio audience
is dead now.
41
00:02:43,621 --> 00:02:46,040
(audience applauds and cheers)
42
00:02:46,124 --> 00:02:48,001
You know candy's bad for your teeth.
43
00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:50,837
If it wasn't for candy,
you'd be out of business.
44
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:51,963
-(canned laughter)
-Hmm.
45
00:02:52,046 --> 00:02:53,506
Share these with your friends.
46
00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:55,592
(canned laughter,
scattered applause over TV)
47
00:02:56,634 --> 00:02:58,970
Dad, I need a new baseball glove.
48
00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:01,181
Son, if I just bought you a glove,
49
00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:02,724
you wouldn't appreciate it.
50
00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:05,768
I'm afraid you're gonna have to
earn the money for it yourself.
51
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:08,521
Aw, come on, Dad.
52
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:11,858
-AUDIENCE: Aw...
-Oh, no, not "the face."
53
00:03:14,944 --> 00:03:16,946
(canned laughter, applause)
54
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:19,073
{\an8}Oh, life was so much easier
55
00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:21,618
{\an8}when a machine told you when to laugh.
56
00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:23,786
(Thicker Than Waters
theme song playing on TV)
57
00:03:30,668 --> 00:03:33,254
{\an8}I liked the producing,
the executive producing,
58
00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:35,465
{\an8}and especially the co-producing.
59
00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:39,719
{\an8}But the supervising producing
was the best I've ever seen.
60
00:03:39,802 --> 00:03:43,723
{\an8}So anyway, that's why me
and Nana are taking a break.
61
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,226
{\an8}Aw!
62
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,728
{\an8}Oh, stupid cheap bike.
63
00:03:48,811 --> 00:03:51,648
{\an8}To think I was gonna
put fenders on you.
64
00:03:52,857 --> 00:03:54,484
{\an8}Oh, my God!
65
00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:59,239
{\an8}I think I just met the thing
I'm gonna die on.
66
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:22,762
Gotta have that minibike.
67
00:04:22,845 --> 00:04:24,931
Oh, my God.
68
00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:26,766
I've found my new look.
69
00:04:26,849 --> 00:04:28,476
Those are girl overalls.
70
00:04:28,559 --> 00:04:30,436
I could pull it off.
71
00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:33,189
(humming)
72
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,275
-Can I have it, Dad?
-Bart?!
73
00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:36,776
Can I?
74
00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:39,821
Thanks for not buying me that glove
75
00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:42,657
and teaching me what's really important.
76
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:47,245
{\an8}Bart, son, if I bought you that bike,
77
00:04:47,328 --> 00:04:49,080
{\an8}you wouldn't appreciate it.
78
00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:51,249
{\an8}Because when you get
anything you want,
79
00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:53,876
{\an8}you don't want anything you get.
80
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,296
{\an8}What is this crap?
Are you wearing a wire?
81
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:58,506
{\an8}(chuckles)
Someday you'll understand
82
00:04:58,589 --> 00:05:00,883
{\an8}that I'm just being a good dad.
83
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:01,968
{\an8}Are you kidding?
84
00:05:02,051 --> 00:05:03,720
{\an8}You're the worst dad who ever lived.
85
00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:05,680
{\an8}I'd rather take my chances
in a hot car
86
00:05:05,763 --> 00:05:07,390
{\an8}than go in a store with you.
87
00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:10,184
-Why, you little...
-(choking)
88
00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:12,395
Homer, a good father
is strong enough
89
00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:14,439
that he doesn't need
to use his strength.
90
00:05:14,522 --> 00:05:18,276
What Bart needs is for you
to strangle him with your love.
91
00:05:18,359 --> 00:05:19,610
Hmm.
92
00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:21,112
I never thought of fatherhood
93
00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:23,740
as something that could affect a kid.
94
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:25,825
{\an8}Son, I won't strangle you anymore,
95
00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:27,785
{\an8}but I also won't get you that minibike.
96
00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:29,495
{\an8}How about this?
I let you punch me in the face
97
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:31,998
{\an8}-and you get me a snowmobile.
-I wish I could, son.
98
00:05:32,081 --> 00:05:33,958
{\an8}I really wish I could.
99
00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:40,548
Now it's ready for garbage.
100
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:43,468
{\an8}(sighs, groans)
101
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:44,844
{\an8}What's wrong, Homie?
102
00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:47,305
{\an8}Bart's mad because he wanted me
to buy him something,
103
00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:49,724
{\an8}but I didn't think it was
the right thing to do--
104
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:53,644
{\an8}Marge, not in front of the refrigerator.
105
00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:55,313
{\an8}(passionate moan)
106
00:05:55,396 --> 00:05:59,609
{\an8}There's nothing sexier
than a man being a good dad.
107
00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:03,071
{\an8}-Whoa.
-Oh, well, in that case,
108
00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:06,574
{\an8}Lisa was using her
solar calculator yesterday,
109
00:06:06,657 --> 00:06:09,911
{\an8}so I opened the drapes
to let in more sun.
110
00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:11,162
{\an8}(gasps)
111
00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:12,705
{\an8}(chuckles)
112
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:14,791
{\an8}Just hope the kids didn't hear us.
113
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:17,668
{\an8}Well, maybe your kids didn't.
114
00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:20,505
{\an8}(grunts)
115
00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:24,175
-Lis, I gotta talk to you.
-I'm busy.
116
00:06:24,258 --> 00:06:26,052
(high-pitched voice)
Don't you minimize me!
117
00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:28,596
(high-pitched squeal)
118
00:06:28,679 --> 00:06:30,681
Fine. Just get in here.
119
00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:33,768
{\an8}How can I earn money to buy
the world's most awesome thing?
120
00:06:33,851 --> 00:06:35,353
{\an8}You could deliver newspapers.
121
00:06:35,436 --> 00:06:37,522
{\an8}Kids don't deliver newspapers anymore.
122
00:06:37,605 --> 00:06:39,315
{\an8}It's just creeps in trucks.
123
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,776
(sighs) Maybe if you buckle down
124
00:06:41,859 --> 00:06:44,153
and get good grades,
Dad will give you money.
125
00:06:45,154 --> 00:06:47,323
Does he give you money
for getting good grades?
126
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,575
I've been doing the family's books
for years.
127
00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,577
I take what I need.
128
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:52,870
You were right, Dad.
129
00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:55,081
By not telling the teacher
that Jimmy cheated
130
00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:57,583
on the French test,
it's like I cheated.
131
00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,335
Well, as they say in Paris,
132
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:02,672
"Ma voiture est pleine de crème glacée."
133
00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:05,675
You just said,
"My car is full of ice cream."
134
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:08,428
-(canned laughter and applause)
-(theme music plays)
135
00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:10,888
Dad, if I get an "A" on my math test,
136
00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:13,182
would that be worth some money?
137
00:07:14,183 --> 00:07:16,519
{\an8}Well, in season two,
when Sam got good grades,
138
00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:19,772
{\an8}he got a very surprising reward.
139
00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:22,817
And if you do it, son,
you'll get the same.
140
00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,444
There's no way that means anything
141
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:26,404
other than I get a minibike.
142
00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:28,489
To the library!
143
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:30,992
-(Homer chortles cheerfully)
-(door opens, closes)
144
00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:32,493
Hmm?
145
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,205
Hmm...
146
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,791
(classical music playing)
147
00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:49,886
(Milhouse screaming)
148
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,980
Aah! 'Tis the playground ghost!
149
00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:03,566
I swear I didn't mean to kill ya!
150
00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:06,319
It's me, Willie-- Bart Simpson.
151
00:08:06,402 --> 00:08:09,530
Oh, oh, right. (nervous chuckle)
152
00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:12,575
There's no such thing
as a playground ghost.
153
00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:14,994
How could you mistake him for me?
154
00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:18,372
It was that sassy mouth
that got ye killed in the first place.
155
00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:20,166
ANNOUNCER (on TV):
Coming up next on Tube Town--
156
00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:22,668
he's in your face from outer space--
157
00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:25,129
Upscalien in Da House!
158
00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:27,048
(late '80s-style rap
sitcom theme playing)
159
00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:29,425
♪ There once was an alien
whose mother called him Trey ♪
160
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:32,053
♪ From the fanciest planet
in the Milky Way ♪
161
00:08:32,136 --> 00:08:34,222
♪ Stole his dad's ship,
took it for a trip ♪
162
00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:37,058
♪ Saw Lake Erie on his radar
and he thought he'd take a dip ♪
163
00:08:37,141 --> 00:08:39,310
-(beatboxing)
-(door opens, closes)
164
00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:42,063
-I did it. I got an "A"!
-That's great.
165
00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:47,235
('70s-style disco playing)
166
00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,656
(laughing)
167
00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:56,911
Uh, Dad, if we could get to the reward...
168
00:08:56,994 --> 00:08:59,872
Son, you already have your reward--
169
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:03,751
the feeling of accomplishment
you can only get from hard work.
170
00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:06,212
What the... I wanted a minibike!
171
00:09:06,295 --> 00:09:08,256
I told all my friends I was getting one.
172
00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:09,882
Well, if they care that much about
173
00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:11,342
whether you have a minibike,
174
00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:13,427
then they weren't really your friends.
175
00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:15,596
Yes, they were!
But now they won't be!
176
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:17,557
Because I don't have a minibike!
177
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:18,683
(angry groan)
178
00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:20,810
Hmm, if this were a TV show,
179
00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:23,271
that would be a hell of an act break.
180
00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:25,648
But it could use a button.
181
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:29,151
(chuckling) Oh, well, what if I said...
182
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:30,778
Well, if you...
183
00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:32,697
(whimpers) Eh.
184
00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:41,622
ANNOUNCER (on TV):
We now return to I Lost Lucy.
185
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:44,584
Mrs. Carbuncle,
I need you back at the bank.
186
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:47,920
Robert Wagner is coming in
to open a checking account.
187
00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:49,463
Huh?!
188
00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,924
(classic Lucille Ball wail)
189
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:55,261
You still see that crow
on shows sometimes.
190
00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:56,554
ANNOUNCER (on TV):
Coming up on Tube Town--
191
00:09:56,637 --> 00:09:59,098
the '80s classic, Supreme Courtney.
192
00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:02,685
...according to the principle
sublato fundamento, cadit opus,
193
00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:05,688
we need to look at Hargrove
versus the State of New York,
194
00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:07,690
in which the court
firmly adhered to the...
195
00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:09,358
(smitten gibberish)
196
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,777
(canned laughter and applause)
197
00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:14,530
Stupid jerk.
198
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,616
He owes me a minibike,
and I am going to get it.
199
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:18,618
(laughing)
200
00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:20,536
(doorbell rings)
201
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:24,790
-Hey, Apu.
-Mr. Homer, you inadvertently
202
00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:26,751
left your nuclear plant security badge
203
00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:28,169
in the birthday card rack.
204
00:10:28,252 --> 00:10:29,629
HOMER: Can't lose that.
205
00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:31,631
It's the best picture of me I have.
206
00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:34,175
Well, I am more concerned
with global terrorism.
207
00:10:34,258 --> 00:10:36,052
America's enemies would give anything
208
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:37,553
for your nuclear knowledge.
209
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,890
Yeah, I do know a lot about nuclears.
210
00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:43,225
And America has so many enemies--
211
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:46,479
Iran, Iraq, China, Mordor,
212
00:10:46,562 --> 00:10:48,856
the hoochies that laid low Tiger Woods,
213
00:10:48,939 --> 00:10:51,067
undesirable immigrants,
by which I mean
214
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:54,153
everyone that came after me,
including my children.
215
00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:58,240
{\an8}...so I'm offering to trade
your country nuclear secrets
216
00:10:58,324 --> 00:10:59,950
{\an8}for a minibike.
217
00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:02,578
{\an8}Concludingly yours, Bart Simpson.
218
00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:15,758
Hmm... hmm!
219
00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:17,802
Marge, would you like
a Thicker Than Waters
220
00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:20,346
-collectible plate?
-Homer, you can't order
221
00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:22,056
anything from that magazine.
222
00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:23,849
It's 25 years old.
223
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:25,601
Oh, yeah? I'll show you.
224
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,979
"TV Guide Offer,
One World Trade Center..."
225
00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:30,564
Did I get any mail today, Mom?
226
00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:33,567
Uh, well, of course you did.
227
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:35,986
A gutter cleaning coupon?
228
00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:37,947
Hey, they're your gutters, too.
229
00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:40,074
Oh!
230
00:11:40,157 --> 00:11:42,451
(grunting with effort)
231
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:43,953
Huh?
232
00:11:50,918 --> 00:11:52,878
You must've found out about my letters.
233
00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:55,297
(chuckles nervously)
They were just a joke.
234
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,007
Really? That's too bad.
235
00:11:57,091 --> 00:11:59,301
Because we are very interested
in your offer.
236
00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:04,056
Uh, you're just lucky we picked you up
237
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:05,641
before the FBI got to you.
238
00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:12,815
Another disgrace for the
French Bureau of Investigation.
239
00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:17,069
Don't forget us, the A-Team of Finland.
240
00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:20,281
I pity the fool who messes
with B.A. Backstrum.
241
00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:23,743
("A-Team"-like theme plays out)
242
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:31,500
We accept your offer.
243
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,461
The secrets from
your father's nuclear plant
244
00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,755
for one Street Assassin minibike.
245
00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:39,467
Just transfer everything
to this flash drive.
246
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:44,430
I don't know.
Can I really betray my country?
247
00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:47,099
I say the Pledge of Allegiance every day.
248
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:48,934
You pledge allegiance to the flag.
249
00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:50,770
And the flag is made in China.
250
00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:52,772
Hmph.
251
00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:54,982
ANNOUNCER (on TV):
We return to Thicker Than Waters:
252
00:12:55,065 --> 00:12:57,193
the E! True Hollywood Story.
253
00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:59,612
{\an8}NARRATOR:
Digby Sheridan, who played Patrick,
254
00:12:59,695 --> 00:13:02,072
{\an8}had enormous problems
with the show.
255
00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:03,991
(British accent) Crap, total crap.
256
00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:06,035
You, writer, what's your name?
257
00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:07,828
Um, David Mamet.
258
00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,747
Well, Mr. Mamet,
259
00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:11,832
why don't you (bleep) learn
how to (bleep) write
260
00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:13,417
a (bleep) script!
261
00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:16,629
Hmm... (bleep).
262
00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:18,047
I could use that.
263
00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:28,808
Dad, I was thinking about it,
and you're right.
264
00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:30,893
You shouldn't buy me
something I didn't earn.
265
00:13:30,976 --> 00:13:32,478
And because you gave me
the tough love
266
00:13:32,561 --> 00:13:34,730
I didn't know I needed,
I'm gonna be spending
267
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:36,565
lots and lots more time with you.
268
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,484
Aw.
269
00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:41,153
(sneaky chuckle) He's buying it.
270
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:43,155
I'm buying it!
271
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:46,659
(Thicker Than Waters theme)
♪ Cherish that family smile ♪
272
00:13:46,742 --> 00:13:51,997
♪ Picket fence days don't last forever ♪
273
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:55,960
♪ The future is coming up ♪
274
00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:57,670
♪ Mom and Dad ♪
275
00:13:57,753 --> 00:14:02,216
♪ And kids are precious ♪
276
00:14:02,299 --> 00:14:04,468
I love visiting you at work, Dad.
277
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:06,971
And I love having you here, son.
278
00:14:07,054 --> 00:14:09,557
'Cause you can wake me up
if somebody comes.
279
00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:16,730
(snoring)
280
00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:29,660
Check this out, Bart.
281
00:14:29,743 --> 00:14:31,662
One of those retinal scan dealies.
282
00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:36,500
It only opens to my eye
or an exact copy.
283
00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:42,089
(laughs)
284
00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:44,925
Let's see if this works.
285
00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:46,927
(beeps)
286
00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:48,262
(bell chimes)
287
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:53,517
-(shouts) Ooh! Damn, that hurt!
-(alarm blaring)
288
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:54,977
I'll just use my eye.
289
00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:56,353
(screams)
290
00:14:57,855 --> 00:14:59,648
Sweet dreams, boy.
291
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:02,026
They will be if you're in 'em, Pops.
292
00:15:02,109 --> 00:15:04,111
(both laugh)
293
00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:21,879
Aw, they gave me my own vanity plate.
294
00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:23,213
(chuckles)
295
00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:31,889
(motor revving)
296
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,561
(yawns)
297
00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:41,607
You're gonna love meeting my friends.
298
00:15:42,816 --> 00:15:44,610
(whistles tune, screams)
299
00:15:44,693 --> 00:15:46,737
Where the hell did that come from?
300
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:48,405
It's from me, son.
301
00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:50,991
Want me to take it up to your bed
so you can snuggle with it?
302
00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:52,034
No!
303
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:54,161
Why in the world would you get me this?
304
00:15:54,244 --> 00:15:56,330
Because you've been
such a great kid lately,
305
00:15:56,413 --> 00:15:59,333
and I wanted to show you
I appreciated it.
306
00:15:59,416 --> 00:16:00,376
Oh.
307
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:02,836
That's great. (chuckles)
308
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,840
I wouldn't trade it for
all the tea in... China...
309
00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:08,926
(suspiciously) Something wrong, Bart?
310
00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:12,012
You betrayed your country for no reason.
311
00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:15,140
Now you're gonna see
stars and stripes forever!
312
00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:17,726
(grunting)
313
00:16:32,783 --> 00:16:35,035
I've got summer squash!
314
00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:37,955
Mm, the boy's acting really weird.
315
00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:40,165
I did everything
that TV show told me to,
316
00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:41,709
and he's still not happy.
317
00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:44,086
Well, maybe you shouldn't listen
318
00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:46,880
to a 30-year-old TV show
that only got on the air
319
00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:48,424
because the creator had evidence
320
00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:50,968
the network president ran over a guy.
321
00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:53,303
Where's he going?
322
00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:03,439
Why on earth would a child
go to the zoo?
323
00:17:09,903 --> 00:17:11,030
(gasps)
324
00:17:12,948 --> 00:17:14,992
(sighs) It's still here.
325
00:17:15,075 --> 00:17:18,996
Yes! I get the flash drive back
and the manila envelope!
326
00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:23,459
Aha! Typical American treachery!
327
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,961
I can't believe a boy
who would betray his country
328
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,755
would betray a different country.
329
00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:29,673
-Unbelievable!
-Terrible!
330
00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:31,258
Masters, I can explain.
331
00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:33,761
Explain nothing!
Hand over the flash drive.
332
00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:36,388
-(gulps)
-(all gasp)
333
00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:39,016
Then you leave us no choice.
334
00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:43,270
-A teddy bear?
-A teddy bear made in China.
335
00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:47,524
(electricity crackles)
336
00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:55,449
-Step away from the traitor!
-Dad!
337
00:17:55,532 --> 00:17:57,701
The boy's flash drive may be in there,
338
00:17:57,785 --> 00:18:01,622
but I've got a lifetime
of nuclear secrets up here.
339
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,792
Okay, but don't read our subtitles.
340
00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:08,045
{\an8}(speaking Chinese)
341
00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:23,727
I know what you're saying.
342
00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:26,396
I understand food talk
in every language!
343
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:32,194
American fatso, your knowledge
helped us build this plant.
344
00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:33,904
We would like you to have the honor
345
00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:36,240
of cutting the ceremonial ribbon.
346
00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:42,538
Um, I'll see myself out.
347
00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:49,419
Okay, who can take me to
the airport for less than $20?
348
00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:55,509
{\an8}I can stand here all day.
349
00:18:55,592 --> 00:18:57,970
{\an8}Oh, my feet hurt.
350
00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:01,223
You know, Dad,
351
00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:03,642
I really did have a good time
hanging out with you.
352
00:19:03,725 --> 00:19:07,396
Well, now it's time
for the best kind of bonding--
353
00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:09,857
sitting next to each other in silence,
354
00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:12,860
staring blankly at the TV.
355
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:16,280
♪ They fight and bite,
they fight and bite and fight ♪
356
00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:18,115
♪ Fight-fight-fight, bite-bite-bite ♪
357
00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:20,909
♪ The Itchy and Scratchy Show ♪
358
00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:33,130
(bees buzzing)
359
00:19:39,928 --> 00:19:41,805
(growling)
360
00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:45,225
(both laughing)
361
00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:50,898
It's good enough.
362
00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:52,608
Let's go home.
363
00:20:00,115 --> 00:20:01,950
Rebecca, you briefly inspired
364
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,203
the hairstyle called "The Lizzie."
365
00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:06,538
Is "The Lizzie" with us here tonight?
366
00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,332
I was clear with your people
367
00:20:08,415 --> 00:20:10,959
that I would not recreate "The Lizzie."
368
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:14,004
Oh, but "The Lizzie" is here.
369
00:20:14,087 --> 00:20:15,964
(high-pitched voice)
"I shouldn't judge my prom date
370
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,133
just because he's in a wheelchair.
371
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:22,012
I should judge him by who he is...
in here."
372
00:20:22,095 --> 00:20:23,847
(normal voice)
The family hugs.
373
00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:26,725
-Ew.
-I slept with everyone in the cast,
374
00:20:26,808 --> 00:20:28,393
including the dog.
375
00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:30,646
To quote Matthew Perry from Friends,
376
00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,981
"too much information."
377
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:35,484
And to quote Dwayne
from What's Happening,
378
00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:39,029
"Hey... hey... hey."
379
00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:43,075
{\an8}(Thicker Than Water theme playing)
380
00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:46,245
{\an8}HOMER: ♪ Cherish that family smile ♪
381
00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:51,500
{\an8}♪ Picket fence days
don't something-something ♪
382
00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:55,462
{\an8}♪ The future is coming soon ♪
383
00:20:55,545 --> 00:20:57,965
{\an8}♪ Mom and Dad and kids ♪
384
00:20:58,048 --> 00:21:03,428
{\an8}♪ Are something ♪
385
00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:05,013
{\an8}(Homer sobs)
386
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:07,474
{\an8}(sobbing) My favorite song now.
387
00:21:07,557 --> 00:21:10,018
{\an8}Sorry, "Don't Fear the Reaper."
388
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:13,021
{\an8}(sobbing)
389
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:15,190
{\an8}Everybody! Air guitar!
390
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:16,984
{\an8}Come on, do it with me.
391
00:21:17,067 --> 00:21:18,944
{\an8}Use your whammy bar! Whoo!
392
00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:21,071
{\an8}Now fuzz it up!
393
00:21:21,154 --> 00:21:23,156
{\an8}Excellent.
394
00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:29,955
{\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay