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{\an8}CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
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(exclaiming)
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(school bell ringing)
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(Barney belches)
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(whistle blows)
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(yells)
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(beeping)
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(playing the blues)
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D'oh!
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(tires screeching)
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(grunts)
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(grunting)
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(yells)
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(panting)
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(couch squawks)
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(Bart grunts)
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(yells)
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{\an8}DIRECTOR:
Okay, people, we are trying
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{\an8}to depict
the sizzling final days
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{\an8}of the Nathan Lane
of the New Testament, Jesus Christ.
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{\an8}Now remember,
this is the Passion Play,
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{\an8}not The Phone It In Play.
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{\an8}not the I Once Had Three Shows
on Broadway Simultaneously
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{\an8}But I Blew All My Money on Coke
and Now Here I Am Play,
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{\an8}so let's do this thing!
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{\an8}Hi. My name is
Milhouse Van Houten,
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{\an8}and I am auditioning
for the role of Child Who Points.
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{\an8}Yeah, okay, point stage left.
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{\an8}I prepared right!
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{\an8}Well, I better get going.
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{\an8}This is starting to feel
a little churchy.
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{\an8}Why do we have to audition
for the stupid play,
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{\an8}and Dad gets to leave?
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{\an8}I already have my part.
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{\an8}Man Who Buys Ticket,
But Doesn't Show Up.
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{\an8}Also, the Passion Play
isn't stupid.
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{\an8}It's the greatest story
ever told.
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{\an8}Maybe it was once,
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{\an8}but now there's
lots of better stories.
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{\an8}Krusty vs. the F.D.A.
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{\an8}Game Six of
the 2011 World Series.
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{\an8}-Hitler mashups!
-And Lenny's story about Cancun.
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{\an8}Yeah, why aren't we
doing Lenny's story?
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{\an8}That thing's hilarious.
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{\an8}Not so hilarious for me.
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{\an8}I nearly lost a toe.
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{\an8}That's what you get
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{\an8}for having a monkey
give you a foot massage.
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{\an8}My bucket list
is my business.
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{\an8}-Next audition!
-Ah-ha. Name's Ned Flanders.
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{\an8}Credits include Jesus
in the Passion Play last year,
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{\an8}Jesus in the Passion Play
the year before that,
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{\an8}Jesus, Jesus, a kindly hobo
who turns out to be--
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{\an8}you guessed it-- Saint Peter...
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{\an8}Enough! Enough, already.
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{\an8}I'm so bored I'm ready
to introduce myself
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{\an8}to my two assistants here.
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{\an8}You will be
a non-speaking Pharisee.
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{\an8}-But-but-but...
-Jesus didn't stammer!
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{\an8}His voice hit the back
of the theater!
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{\an8}He was a god
who turned water into wine
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{\an8}and did not wear shoes.
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{\an8}Ooh!
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{\an8}He said simple things
that many followed.
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{\an8}Just like me on Twitter!
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{\an8}(chuckles)
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{\an8}And he was tragically killed
while still in his 30s...
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{\an8}-D'oh!
-...after an all-night dinner.
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{\an8}Woo-hoo!
I'm your Jesus! Me!
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{\an8}Boom. Done.
This guy's perfect!
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{\an8}You understand why God
would have forsaken him.
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{\an8}(chuckling)
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{\an8}Well, congratulations, Homer.
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{\an8}I guess this is just
my cross to bear.
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{\an8}What's that a reference to?
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{\an8}Oh!
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{\an8}Ooh, nice and roomy.
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{\an8}Our Lord sure knew
how to keep 'em cool.
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{\an8}-Dad?
-Yes, sweetie?
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{\an8}First of all,
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{\an8}congratulations
on getting the lead.
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{\an8}Whee! Whee!
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{\an8}I just hope you're going
to take this seriously.
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{\an8}Oh, yes, Lisa.
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{\an8}Very seriously. Whee!
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{\an8}Dad, the story of the Passion
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{\an8}is the cornerstone
of the Christian faith.
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{\an8}And although I personally follow
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{\an8}the enlightened teachings
of Lord Buddha,
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{\an8}messing with Jesus
really gets people mad.
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{\an8}It's like wearing
a Florida State jersey
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{\an8}to a Florida game.
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{\an8}(gasps)
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{\an8}Oh, Lord, why have you placed
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{\an8}this fearsome burden
on my shoulders?
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{\an8}(sobbing)
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{\an8}It'll be fine.
Just learn your lines.
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{\an8}Does Jesus have a big part
in this thing?
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He's in every scene.
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What?
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(sobbing loudly)
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Why do I succeed at everything
I audition for?
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Dear Lord, I know you see all,
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but trust me,
You do not want to see this.
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And so our Lord was brought
before Pontius Pilate.
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What's he in for?
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He calls himself
"King of the Jews."
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Oh, boy.
Okay, be straight with me.
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You can probably
plead this down to crucifixion.
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Do you call yourself
King of the Jews?
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Thou sayest it.
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(exclaiming)
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He's good.
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Wow, I'm so moved
I renounce science,
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with the facts,
and the peer reviews,
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and the hypotheses
tested by evidence.
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What shall I do then with Jesus,
which is called Christ?
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Crucify him!
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They cannot judge me.
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Only my father can judge me.
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Crucify him!
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I'll take you with me, old man!
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Jesus was handed
a heavy cross,
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and upon his brow
was placed a crown...
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-Ooh!
-...of thorns.
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What the...?
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(groans)
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(crying)
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Daughters of Jerusalem!
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Weep not for me,
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but weep for yourselves.
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You know, Homer's giving it
the old Bible-college try.
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Maybe I should've dialed down
the Doubting Thomas.
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Silence, Pharisee!
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(grunting)
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Looks like someone didn't
follow the underwear rule!
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This man is totally
the Son of God.
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Tonight you shall be
at my right hand in heaven.
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All right!
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It pays to network
at these things.
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Jesus cried again
with a loud voice
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and yielded up his spirit.
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(cries out in anguish)
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(quietly)
Lord, forgive me for my pride.
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All wise as always, you have
rightly raised Homer above me.
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Never again will I question...
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(yells)
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-Out of my way, stupid Flanders!
-Ow!
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Ah, I knew we should've done
Spamalot.
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I'm not licked.
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I'll just make them
think this was planned.
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(imitates drum brushes)
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♪ Who's to say ♪
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♪ This didn't happen ♪
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♪ Who's to say, and curtain! ♪
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Diddily...
doodily...
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No atheist blood, please.
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Sorry, ma'am, only members
of the immediate family allowed in.
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It's okay.
She's my wife.
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(gasping)
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Ned and Edna, married?
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That's right. Ha!
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-CROWD: Wow!
-Oh, my goodness.
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Hey, Dad.
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You remember when you said
if Flanders got remarried
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you'd eat your hat?
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Uh-oh.
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Ooh, licorice!
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Mmm, historically inaccurate.
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Well, it was nice having
a secret marriage while it lasted.
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Well, sir, now we'll
have an open marriage!
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Um...
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you do know what that means?
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No, but I'm sure Newt Gingrich
wouldn't steer us wrong.
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At least in the hospital
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we can just enjoy a nice,
quiet moment together.
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(chuckling)
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Congratulations, you two!
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We're so, so happy for you.
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Welcome to marriage.
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(laughs)
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Another good man
bites the dust.
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Homer!
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I'm talking about this guy!
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Oh, I sure envy him.
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Homer!
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I mean, I envy Flanders,
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once again enjoying
the joys of marriage.
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Let's put it to a vote,
America.
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Enough with the voting.
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Ned, Edna,
why didn't you tell us?
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'Cause everyone in this town
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makes such a big heckabaloo
out of everything.
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Nedding bells are ringing.
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See what happens
when Teachy met Preachy
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on Channel 6,
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your source for news-based puns.
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I was just down the hall
getting some very bad news,
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and I saw there was
a party going on.
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Congratulations from the Mayor.
Vote Quimby.
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Many happy returns!
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Hope you're both happy.
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Edna, as the runner-up
in the race for your heart,
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I would like to make a toast.
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My Dearest,
let me be the first to offer you
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the hearty handshake
that would've climaxed
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our own wedding day...
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Seymour, did you use my wig glue
to patch your shoes again?
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I tied them together
with used dental floss,
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as per your memo!
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Everybody out. Now!
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(grumbling)
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-Not you.
-Mmm.
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O Lord, please bless
our blended family.
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And thank you
for "cigarette mommy."
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Oh, honey, please don't
call me that.
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Okay, "do-over mommy."
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Boys, you will please
call your new mother
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whatever she feels
comfortable with.
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How about "Edna?"
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It's disrespectful
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to call a grown-up
by their first name.
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BART:
Yo, Homer,
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Mom says get your fat ass
over to the Flanders'.
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Bart! Don't call me that!
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Which one?
"Homer" or "fat ass"?
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HOMER:
Why, you little...
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They're both bad,
and I suspect you know it!
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BART: Get your hands
off of me, you fat ass!
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(doorbell rings)
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Ned, Edna.
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-We just want to apologize...
-(growling)
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...for the commotion
in your room.
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People here do not
respect boundaries.
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Homer, did you just buckle
your belt through my loop?
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Sorry.
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Well, we're here to offer
to throw you a little party
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in your honor.
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A little party might be fun.
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The only guests at our wedding
were Ned's parents.
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Look at those squares,
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makin' it nice and legal.
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We didn't need a piece of paper!
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We had a paper, Nedward.
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We just rolled it
and smoked it.
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Oh, yeah.
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We got high-diddily-high
on that reeferino.
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Less news from the pews.
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Okay, Simpsons.
Well, call me a cock-eyed optimist
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'cause I think some sort
of celebration party
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might possibly be fun!
252
00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:36,135
Great!
We'll take care of everything.
253
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:38,179
We'll just need
to borrow your punch bowl,
254
00:10:38,262 --> 00:10:40,848
17 chairs,
your portable dance floor,
255
00:10:40,931 --> 00:10:42,850
your banner printer,
banner ink,
256
00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:45,394
and a ream of blank banners.
257
00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:48,856
Okay, there's no school;
258
00:10:48,939 --> 00:10:51,901
your dad's at work;
and it's really coming down.
259
00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:53,069
Anyone for Scrabble?
260
00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:55,571
Only God can make words.
261
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,490
Right, right. Yahtzee?
262
00:10:57,573 --> 00:10:59,158
Dice are Satan's bones.
263
00:10:59,241 --> 00:11:00,910
What the hey, Mrs. K?
264
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:02,578
Thank God, a real kid.
265
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,622
You want my advice
on dealing with the Hardly Boys?
266
00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:05,790
Why do you care?
267
00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:08,668
I don't. I'm just bored
watching worms drown.
268
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:09,794
Okay, what do you got?
269
00:11:09,877 --> 00:11:12,838
Well, what you got to do
is get them into the real world.
270
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:14,840
Skipping is cool!
271
00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:17,843
Especially when you're holding
hands with your brother.
272
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:19,970
If you don't act now,
when they grow up,
273
00:11:20,054 --> 00:11:21,389
people like me
are gonna take
274
00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:23,099
all their money
and girlfriends.
275
00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:25,434
Oh, come on.
They're not that hopeless.
276
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,603
I'm doing it!
I'm doing it!
277
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:28,688
(whimpers)
278
00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:34,860
This is my third-favorite
wedding supply store.
279
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:36,696
Whoo! Look at these.
280
00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:38,030
"Extreme weddings.
281
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,241
Triathlon...
Zero-G...
282
00:11:40,324 --> 00:11:43,285
Tie the knot
at the top of Mount Everest"?
283
00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:49,333
It's extreme enough
for me
284
00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:52,336
when they smear the wedding cake
on each other's faces.
285
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:54,505
So, Marge,
the rumors are true.
286
00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:56,173
Why did you get
to throw a party
287
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:58,342
for Ned and Edna
and not me?
288
00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:01,470
Well, you're all invited so you
can make your snippy comments
289
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:04,014
while you eat
my hors d'oeuvres.
290
00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:06,475
Snippy? How can you say that
in those shoes?
291
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:07,393
(grunts)
292
00:12:07,476 --> 00:12:10,062
They have Itchy and Scratchy
weddings?
293
00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:17,903
(laughing)
294
00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:22,908
Ready to go home, Ned?
295
00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:25,035
I'm sorry, honey, but I'm
stuck in this meeting
296
00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:26,412
of the Springfield LGBT.
297
00:12:26,495 --> 00:12:29,957
The left-gifted bidextrous
and transhanded community.
298
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:33,252
We're trying to decide on the theme
for our Left is Right parade.
299
00:12:33,335 --> 00:12:35,337
"Our Scissors, Ourselves."
300
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:36,589
How about,
"Death to Righties"?
301
00:12:36,672 --> 00:12:38,424
We have to live
among them.
302
00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:40,259
To live among them
is to die.
303
00:12:40,342 --> 00:12:41,594
(all arguing)
304
00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:43,387
Oh, this could go late.
305
00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,222
We haven't even ordered
pizzas and pop yet.
306
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,932
Could you handle
Rod and Todd's
307
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:48,601
parent-teacher
conference for me?
308
00:12:48,684 --> 00:12:50,436
Sure, I'd love
to be the parent for once.
309
00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:52,146
Now I can bring a latte
310
00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:53,939
and leave the cup
on the desk. Ha!
311
00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:55,441
(glass breaks)
312
00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:59,028
Sorry. I'm still
a pre-op transhander.
313
00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:01,071
TEACHER:
Well, I must say at this school
314
00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:03,491
we've never seen
a step-parent before.
315
00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:05,701
Look, I'm a chalk jockey, too,
316
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,203
so don't slap ketchup
on bread
317
00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:09,246
and tell me it's Pizza Friday.
318
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,373
You teach with that mouth?
319
00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:14,960
Yes. I teach
at Springfield Elementary,
320
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:17,379
-and we believe that...
-Public school?
321
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:19,673
Well, I'll be a monkey's
unrelated creature.
322
00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:22,718
Well, we'll fit you
into our school prayers.
323
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,054
You do have science
here, right?
324
00:13:25,137 --> 00:13:27,556
We sure do.
325
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,059
Behold advanced astronomy.
326
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,896
You pulled the boys
out of school?
327
00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:36,065
Ned, I know I should have
consulted you,
328
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:37,691
but that school
is beneath them.
329
00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:40,236
Take my word as a teacher
of 15 years.
330
00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:41,737
Well, sir, when we got married,
331
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,989
I knew I'd find some spices
in my chili.
332
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:46,867
I guess they can go
to Springfield Hellementary.
333
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:48,577
-Oh!
-Mm-hmm.
334
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,496
(moaning)
335
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,842
Why are we here, Neddy?
336
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:04,844
Well, first of all,
I think talking dogs
337
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:06,387
-are the spawn of the devil.
-Yeah, but...
338
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:10,516
Secondly, we're watching my little
Toddy graduate from college.
339
00:14:10,599 --> 00:14:13,060
Oh, now aren't you glad
you let Edna take charge
340
00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:14,728
of the boys' education?
341
00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:16,480
Yep, it's lucky
she's not in my taxes
342
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:18,190
'cause I underestimated her.
343
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:20,734
Wait a minute.
Liberal professors,
344
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:23,404
feminist workshops,
abstract sculptures.
345
00:14:23,487 --> 00:14:25,531
This isn't a Midwestern
Bible college.
346
00:14:25,614 --> 00:14:28,534
This is an elite
East Coast university.
347
00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:31,328
It's okay, Daddy.
348
00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:34,456
-I majored in religious studies.
-Whew!
349
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:37,334
Comparative religious studies.
350
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,211
(screams)
351
00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:45,801
(tires screech)
352
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,511
Give me your keys!
353
00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:49,889
Maybe I'll just park it myself.
354
00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:53,142
Why are you parking yourself?
Why are you parking yourself?
355
00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:56,228
We haven't taken in
one car all day.
356
00:14:59,815 --> 00:15:01,775
You really put on
a great reception, Marge.
357
00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:03,694
It's like the happy flashback
358
00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:05,154
in a gritty cop thriller.
359
00:15:05,237 --> 00:15:09,825
Thank you.
Everyone's having a great time.
360
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,076
Uh-oh.
361
00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:13,829
Helen, have a canapé.
362
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,748
There's enough for everyone.
363
00:15:15,831 --> 00:15:18,208
But not too much.
(chuckles)
364
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:20,002
(gasps)
365
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:21,170
(both giggling)
366
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:22,588
Yar...
367
00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:24,214
No weird hookups!
368
00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:25,925
Call me!
369
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:27,384
I'm married to the sea,
370
00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:29,678
and I'm seeing two
of the Great Lakes on the side.
371
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,055
I won't say which ones,
372
00:15:31,138 --> 00:15:34,850
but it's eerie
how superior they are.
373
00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:40,189
So how do the boys
like Springfield Elementary?
374
00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:42,107
Marge, it's wonderful.
375
00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:44,777
They're opening up,
they've seen a wider world.
376
00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:47,029
I wrote with a Flair pen.
377
00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:49,365
(chuckles)
Well, that's just great, boys.
378
00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:52,034
Now come over here so
Mrs. Simpson can take a photo.
379
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:54,453
Make sure our temporary tats
are in the picture.
380
00:15:54,536 --> 00:15:57,081
Mine's a sassy princess
who speaks her mind.
381
00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:58,082
Oh!
382
00:15:58,165 --> 00:15:59,667
Mine's a duck
with no pants.
383
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:01,418
What if we were
raptured right now?
384
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:03,921
Ned,
I said it was okay.
385
00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:05,631
Yeah, chillax, Daddy.
386
00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:07,841
Chillax?
Young man, in the Flanders' house
387
00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:09,385
we speak the King's diddily.
388
00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:10,594
Time for cake!
389
00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:12,388
Let's finish this sucker up.
390
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:15,265
You get my boys tattoos,
you change their school,
391
00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:18,727
you buy Rod sneakers that light
up like Times Square.
392
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,854
Shoes are shoes
and lights are lights.
393
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:23,732
Now just when do I get a say
in how my boys are raised?!
394
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,567
This marriage isn't perfect!
395
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,236
(phones beeping)
396
00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:29,238
No video! Party over!
397
00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:31,407
Cake!
398
00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:32,908
Too late, Marge.
399
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,994
Mm!
400
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:37,746
Ned, these boys trust me
to be their mother.
401
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:40,249
You'd better decide
whether you do.
402
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:42,626
(gasps)
403
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,963
And that's that.
Another story in the classic,
404
00:16:46,046 --> 00:16:48,173
infallible three-act structure.
405
00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:49,466
Good enough for Aristotle,
406
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:50,968
good enough for the Simpsons.
407
00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:52,761
Mr. Syzslak,
I have a feeling
408
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,930
there's gonna be one more act
to this story.
409
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,099
Well, I'm not hanging
around for that.
410
00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:58,350
Four acts...
411
00:17:02,771 --> 00:17:04,773
Ned, how did you sleep?
412
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,191
Fine, I guess.
413
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:07,818
Thanks for loaning me
your pajamas, Homer.
414
00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:11,363
And, Marge, thank you for those
helpful chip bag clips.
415
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:13,866
(clacking)
416
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:16,201
I just felt so ashamed,
417
00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:17,369
I couldn't go home.
418
00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:19,580
Yesterday
I gave in to the one thing
419
00:17:19,663 --> 00:17:24,209
I vowed I would never have
in my marriage: strong feeling.
420
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,754
Here's your lunches...
with some cake.
421
00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:30,382
You'll be having cake
for a long, long time.
422
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:32,301
Bart, aren't you
gonna tell Mom and Dad
423
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:33,719
about the problem
you have?
424
00:17:33,802 --> 00:17:34,887
Shut up!
425
00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:36,597
I'm just saying
it won't get better
426
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,557
unless you talk
to an adult.
427
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,100
Maggie knows how
to keep a secret.
428
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:41,143
Why can't you?
429
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:46,023
Bart, is there something
you want to tell us?
430
00:17:46,106 --> 00:17:47,316
Oh, Marge,
let the kid have
431
00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:50,235
his embarrassing secrets
and lies.
432
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:52,237
That is totally
irresponsible parenting.
433
00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:54,239
Not according to the Internet.
434
00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:55,824
Where on the Internet?
435
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:59,286
I'm sure some idiot somewhere
agrees with me.
436
00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:00,746
Why would you believe him?
437
00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:03,415
Because his avatar
is Darth Maul,
438
00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:05,793
the second-coolest Darth.
439
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:09,171
And what he says is true
because it's in all caps.
440
00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:11,006
Are you gonna argue with caps?
441
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,341
Why does that make it right?
442
00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:15,344
He took the time to press
the shift key, Marge.
443
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:17,429
I think he knows
what he's talking about.
444
00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:20,099
So after all this time together
you two still haven't agreed
445
00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:21,517
on how to raise your kids?
446
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,436
Ned, I realized long ago
there are some things
447
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,397
Homer and I will never
completely agree on.
448
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,441
(chuckles)
Yeah, but we make sure
449
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:31,235
never to go to bed hungry.
450
00:18:31,318 --> 00:18:32,402
It's "angry."
451
00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:34,113
Don't tell me
what our thing is!
452
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:36,198
It's about not
agreeing on something.
453
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:38,534
I've always said hungry!
454
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:40,786
Bart,
just tell us the problem.
455
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:45,374
I'm keeping a dolphin
in my bathtub!
456
00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:47,793
I thought I heard
clicks and pops!
457
00:18:47,876 --> 00:18:49,128
(microphone feeds back)
458
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:50,796
Children, your test scores
are down
459
00:18:50,879 --> 00:18:52,589
because we've been having
so many assemblies,
460
00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:54,508
you haven't had time to study.
461
00:18:54,591 --> 00:18:56,051
This assembly will remedy that.
462
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,302
We've invited
a few friends over
463
00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:59,513
to give you some musical cues.
464
00:18:59,596 --> 00:19:01,348
(piano plays bouncy intro)
465
00:19:01,431 --> 00:19:03,934
I'm Sally Scantron Sheet.
466
00:19:04,017 --> 00:19:05,185
And I'm Peter Pencil.
467
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,104
Now, you didn't hear it
from us,
468
00:19:07,187 --> 00:19:09,398
but the answers
to the test are...
469
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:13,735
(to tune of "Mary Had a Little Lamb")
♪ A, B, D, D, C, A, B... ♪
470
00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:15,821
Are you just giving
them the answers?
471
00:19:15,904 --> 00:19:17,656
They still have
to sign their names properly,
472
00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:19,408
so we're not totally
out of woods.
473
00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:21,660
Pause the assembly!
474
00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:23,579
I have to talk to my wife.
475
00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:25,747
-Ned?
-My rival.
476
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:26,832
Some rivalry.
477
00:19:26,915 --> 00:19:29,835
It's like Secretariat
versus a can of dog food.
478
00:19:29,918 --> 00:19:32,671
Edna, I'm sorry,
and I'll say it in front of God
479
00:19:32,754 --> 00:19:33,672
or Groundskeeper Willie.
480
00:19:33,755 --> 00:19:35,257
Oh, Ned,
I'm sorry, too.
481
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:37,050
I overstepped
your boundaries.
482
00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:40,512
I guess I never really truly cared
about children before.
483
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:43,140
-(all gasp)
-Oh, get over it.
484
00:19:43,223 --> 00:19:44,558
And, Ned, I'll be exactly
485
00:19:44,641 --> 00:19:46,518
as much mom as you
want me to be.
486
00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:48,812
Hey, the Simpsons
make it up as they go along,
487
00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:50,689
and they're as happy
as a ribbon in a Bible.
488
00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:53,108
-What do you say, sweetie?
-Ha!
489
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:54,526
-Mmm...
-Mmm...
490
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,778
(cheering)
491
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:59,198
Now in our 50th location
in Springfield.
492
00:19:59,281 --> 00:20:01,950
Sleazy Sam would like
to welcome our special
493
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:05,537
grand-opening star,
Jesus.
494
00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:08,040
Welcome, money changers.
495
00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:09,541
You can trust Sleazy Sam
496
00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:13,670
for the best rates,
or my name isn't Jesus H....
497
00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:15,547
-(thunder cracks)
-Ow!
498
00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:16,882
Are you gonna do that
499
00:20:16,965 --> 00:20:18,800
every time
I open one of these?
500
00:20:24,139 --> 00:20:26,600
{\an8}♪ Hens loves roosters,
geese love ganders ♪
501
00:20:26,683 --> 00:20:28,685
{\an8}♪ Everyone else loves
Ned Flanders ♪
502
00:20:28,769 --> 00:20:29,937
{\an8}(record needle skips)
503
00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:32,481
{\an8}NED: ♪ My mustache is bristly,
my letters are epistly ♪
504
00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:33,815
{\an8}♪ And I don't want
to mislead you ♪
505
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:35,984
{\an8}-♪ I like to hug and kissly ♪
-EDNA: Ha!
506
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:38,111
{\an8}♪ First base, yo,
I like Christian rap ♪
507
00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:39,529
{\an8}♪ A Bible on my lap ♪
508
00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:41,365
{\an8}HOMER: ♪ Will you stop
this stupid crap? ♪
509
00:20:41,448 --> 00:20:43,075
{\an8}♪ I want to take a nap ♪
510
00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:44,826
{\an8}NED:
Okely-dokely.
511
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:06,306
Shh!
512
00:21:09,184 --> 00:21:12,521
{\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay