1
00:00:02,544 --> 00:00:04,963
{\an8}-CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
-Hey.
2
00:00:05,046 --> 00:00:06,631
{\an8}-(yelling)
-(laughing)
3
00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:08,466
{\an8}Is there any
better feeling
4
00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:11,052
{\an8}than waiting for a live
Krusty show to start?
5
00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:13,763
{\an8}Maybe watching your bride
coming down the aisle.
6
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:14,973
{\an8}Hmm.
7
00:00:15,056 --> 00:00:18,184
{\an8}(organ plays discordant music)
8
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:21,396
{\an8}(grunting)
9
00:00:21,479 --> 00:00:22,939
{\an8}(sobbing)
10
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{\an8}Why does she get to eat
before the reception?
11
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{\an8}(sobbing)
12
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{\an8}Seltzer bottle connected
and pressurized?
13
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{\an8}Check.
14
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:41,041
{\an8}Roll-up dicky set to six?
15
00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:42,792
{\an8}-Nope. 11.
-(gasps)
16
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{\an8}My comedy comes
from taking risks.
17
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,630
{\an8}Or avoiding them.
I can't remember.
18
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{\an8}Krusty, we need to talk.
19
00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:50,800
{\an8}Make it fast.
20
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{\an8}I've got a coiled-up spring
ready to boi-oi-oi-oi-oing.
21
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{\an8}Oh, why can't I be funny
with just my words?
22
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{\an8}Bill Maher doesn't put dangerous
things near his crotch,
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{\an8}except when he's off work.
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{\an8}(laughs)
Yeah.
25
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{\an8}It's about your vodka,
Absolut Krusty.
26
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{\an8}We're having trouble
persuading people
27
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{\an8}it's hip to drink a vodka
made by a clown,
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{\an8}in a bottle shaped
like a clown,
29
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{\an8}that does this
when you open it.
30
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{\an8}-(ooga horn sounds)
-(laughs)
31
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{\an8}Always gets me.
32
00:01:17,535 --> 00:01:18,787
{\an8}Yeah, plus, that TV special
33
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{\an8}where you drank another brand
of vodka didn't help.
34
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{\an8}I used up my stuff
poisoning deer.
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{\an8}If we're ever gonna
sell your vodka,
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{\an8}we need to do something
completely unorthodox--
37
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{\an8}a viral marketing campaign.
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{\an8}(metallic creaking)
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{\an8}Get to the point!
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{\an8}Unless you want a face
full of clown chunks!
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{\an8}People are more likely
to drink your vodka
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{\an8}if they think all their
coolest friends are drinking it.
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{\an8}So, we pay for a big party
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{\an8}at the home of a
Springfield trendsetter.
45
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{\an8}Your Brockman,
your Bumblebee Man...
46
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{\an8}He invites his cool friends,
we serve free cocktails,
47
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{\an8}made with your vodka,
generating buzz.
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{\an8}We got buzz.
49
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{\an8}Positive buzz.
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{\an8}That exists? Wow.
51
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{\an8}So, all you have to do is find
one of your loyal fans
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{\an8}whose house we can trash
and friends you can exploit.
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{\an8}(metallic creaking)
54
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{\an8}(gasps, grunts)
55
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,541
{\an8}I need a drink.
56
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{\an8}Not that!
Never that!
57
00:02:07,335 --> 00:02:09,504
{\an8}-(theme music plays)
-Hey, hey, kids!
58
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{\an8}Who wants to host
a viral marketing event?
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{\an8}ALL: Yay!
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{\an8}All you have to do
is write me a letter
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{\an8}about how hip and influential
your parents are.
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{\an8}Milhouse, I'm gonna
win that thing.
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{\an8}How do you know, Bart?
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00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,852
{\an8}Maybe for once I'll win.
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{\an8}Children of troubled marriages
not eligible.
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{\an8}Oh!
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{\an8}(birds singing)
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{\an8}So, uh,
why are you here?
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00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:33,361
{\an8}Is it about that unauthorized
Krusty look-alike
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{\an8}I hired for Lisa's
first communion?
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{\an8}What was his name?
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{\an8}Krappy the Klunk. See?
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{\an8}Homer, we're here
to throw the most redonkulous
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{\an8}marketing outreach
this town's ever seen.
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{\an8}All you have to do is invite
every cool person you know.
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{\an8}Hey, I wrote the application.
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{\an8}Do any of my friends get
to come?
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{\an8}One friend.
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{\an8}He can listen to music
with headphones on,
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{\an8}he gets one slice
of cheese pizza,
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{\an8}and if the party
gets slow,
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{\an8}he has to pretend to let
Krusty save him from drowning.
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{\an8}-Redonkulous!
-Off the dilge!
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{\an8}(dance music playing)
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{\an8}(tires screech)
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{\an8}(crowd chatter)
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{\an8}This party is so much better
than the crummy ones we plan.
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{\an8}(laughs)
89
00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:15,361
{\an8}I hope Bart's having fun.
90
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:18,740
And that's why John Gielgud
is more of a father to me
91
00:03:18,823 --> 00:03:20,241
than my own father.
92
00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:22,160
Where's the nachos
you promised?
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00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:25,455
There'll be time enough
for nachos!
94
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:27,790
Why can't I go to
the grown-up room?
95
00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:30,460
You said the clown scared you.
96
00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:32,045
Well, he did a little.
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00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:33,713
(crowd chatter and laughter)
98
00:03:33,796 --> 00:03:35,840
Boy, everyone from the
nuclear plant is here.
99
00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:37,508
Except the bosses,
of course.
100
00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:40,261
Yeah, even Homer's not dumb
enough to invite...
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BURNS:
So, this is the famous party.
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Feh. Guh.
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Pffoy.
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(crowd chatter)
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He's destroying
our youthful demographic!
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00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:56,069
Oh, God, I need a drink!
107
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So the car in front of us
forgot to validate his... uh...
108
00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:03,409
(laughs)
I was in an anecdote once.
109
00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:05,954
Um, I have surgery
in the morning.
110
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Yeah, and I'm the one
having the surgery.
111
00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:10,250
(sighs)
112
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Homer, you're the nominal host.
Do something!
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Oh! Uh! Oh!
114
00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:19,634
Mr. Burns,
so glad you're here.
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00:04:19,717 --> 00:04:21,511
Finally, the party
can get started.
116
00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:23,930
Your cotillion seems
to be in full promenade.
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(laughs)
Good one.
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00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:28,893
Uh, Mr. Burns, everyone is dying
to hear you sing karaoke.
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00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:31,604
Come on,
just pick a popular song.
120
00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:33,731
Do you have anything
by Prince...
121
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,400
Wilhelm of Prussia?
122
00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:38,528
I have 16 million songs,
but, uh, no.
123
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:42,740
Just play the oldest,
stupidest thing in your catalog.
124
00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:45,326
Uh, let me check
my beeswax cylinders.
125
00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:47,078
Uh, here we are.
126
00:04:47,161 --> 00:04:50,206
♪ Come, Josephine,
in my flying machine! ♪
127
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:54,043
♪ Going up she goes,
up she goes ♪
128
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,796
♪ Balance yourself
like a bird on a beam ♪
129
00:04:56,879 --> 00:05:00,967
ALL: ♪ In the air she goes,
there she goes ♪
130
00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:03,136
-(applause and cheering)
-(Mr. Burns chuckles)
131
00:05:03,219 --> 00:05:06,180
May you all fly
in an aeroplane someday.
132
00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:08,308
You certainly seem to be
enjoying yourself, sir.
133
00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:10,101
Indeed.
That Homer Simpson
134
00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:12,186
is the beating baboon heart
of this party.
135
00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:15,565
So he says, "Bigamy is having
one too many wives."
136
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:18,776
To which I replied,
"So's monogamy."
137
00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:21,321
-(laughter)
-Oh, yeah!
138
00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:23,614
I may have a use for
this Simpson character
139
00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:25,074
higher up in the organization.
140
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,368
Really?
Well, as safety inspector,
141
00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:29,203
he hasn't exactly
set the world on fire,
142
00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:31,247
although he came close
several times.
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00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,582
(crow caws)
144
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:35,918
Simpson, you're probably
wondering why you're here.
145
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:39,172
It's never good. I always wind up
being chased by hounds,
146
00:05:39,255 --> 00:05:40,798
or falling
through a trapdoor,
147
00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:43,593
or being a peg in your game
of human croquet.
148
00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:45,970
When I made you a hoop,
you split your pants.
149
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:48,639
Now, here at the plant,
there's no position more important
150
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:50,892
than our accounts man,
who's responsible
151
00:05:50,975 --> 00:05:53,436
for glad-handing our
customers and suppliers.
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00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:56,022
I'd like you to take over
that position.
153
00:05:56,105 --> 00:05:58,441
The last thing I understood
in that was "pants."
154
00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:00,068
Just give me your answer,
and make it quick!
155
00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:01,694
Our current account man,
Robert Marlowe here,
156
00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:03,446
is retiring at the
end of the month.
157
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:05,740
In two weeks, the only tie
I'll be wearing is
158
00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:07,825
for autoerotic pleasure.
159
00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:10,119
Yes. Simpson,
only you have the bonhomie
160
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,246
and rotund charm
to replace him.
161
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:15,625
It means a hefty expense account
and a corner office.
162
00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:18,086
Well, in that case...
163
00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:21,339
Before you say yes, Simpson,
I feel it's my duty to warn you,
164
00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:23,424
account men lose their soul.
165
00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:25,843
Woo-hoo!
No more church!
166
00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:32,892
(door squeaks open and shut)
167
00:06:32,975 --> 00:06:35,144
So long, Sector 7-G.
168
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:38,106
Hello, Sector 22-F!
169
00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:41,275
(elevator bell dings)
170
00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:44,153
(gasps)
171
00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:49,742
(sizzling)
172
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,577
(giggling)
173
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(moans)
174
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The higher they rise,
the further they fall!
175
00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:04,715
You know,
you're kind of a downer.
176
00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:07,468
I thought you were retiring.
Why are you still here?
177
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:09,220
Hey, you're a baby
account man.
178
00:07:09,303 --> 00:07:10,721
Still on the bottle.
179
00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:13,558
So, for my last good deed
before I retire,
180
00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:15,476
I'm going to help you
persuade Mayor Quimby
181
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,395
to sign off on
a nuclear rate hike.
182
00:07:17,478 --> 00:07:19,021
Uh-oh, a meeting
with the mayor.
183
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,441
How do I prepare for that?
184
00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:22,900
(chuckles)
185
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:24,360
I see.
186
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:27,321
Now, how do I prepare
for the meeting with the mayor?
187
00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:31,868
I am really enjoying this,
but, um...
188
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:34,203
Hello!
Meeting with the mayor?
189
00:07:36,205 --> 00:07:37,373
(glass breaking)
190
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,792
Aw. Bourbon go bye-bye.
191
00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:42,587
There ain't enough bourbon
in Kentucky for you, big guy.
192
00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:46,382
Yeah, the governor wrote me
a letter to that effect.
193
00:07:48,092 --> 00:07:50,595
Wow, I can't believe I'm eating
steak with the mayor.
194
00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:53,556
The next time I vote for you,
it's gonna be on purpose.
195
00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:54,807
Much obliged.
196
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,392
Now, uh, where would you like
197
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:59,395
to discuss
your proposed tax breaks?
198
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,939
(laughing)
199
00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:03,357
Mmm.
200
00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:04,567
Hey, Homer!
201
00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:05,818
Look at you, man!
202
00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:07,570
(loud whisper)
I've outgrown you!
203
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:12,158
Oh, Mr. Mayor,
more "peanut nore"?
204
00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:13,743
(knocking on window)
205
00:08:15,244 --> 00:08:18,247
(glass squeaking)
206
00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:22,043
(both grunt)
207
00:08:22,126 --> 00:08:23,127
Say what you will, man.
208
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:24,712
He's pretty resourceful.
209
00:08:24,795 --> 00:08:26,547
-(cheering)
-HOMER: Wow.
210
00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:28,049
These seats are amazing.
211
00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:30,468
And if you don't like the score,
you can change it yourself.
212
00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:31,511
(click)
213
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,346
HOMER:
Boring!
214
00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:34,889
(click)
215
00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:36,098
God, what a great game!
216
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,643
And you, too, can be on
the winning team, Mr. Mayor.
217
00:08:38,726 --> 00:08:40,728
The Springfield Nuclear Team.
218
00:08:40,811 --> 00:08:43,940
I have never heard an analogy
involving sports!
219
00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:45,733
I love it!
220
00:08:45,816 --> 00:08:47,735
I can't believe
that was work!
221
00:08:47,818 --> 00:08:49,320
Yeah, but work is over now.
222
00:08:49,403 --> 00:08:51,239
Want to drink with me
till I fall asleep?
223
00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:53,199
Oh, well...
224
00:08:53,282 --> 00:08:57,036
Mm, I really should look
at this picture a little longer.
225
00:08:57,119 --> 00:09:00,039
Hmm.
Okay, let's go.
226
00:09:00,122 --> 00:09:02,625
Great. Now, in honor of my
last day on the hamster wheel,
227
00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:04,252
I have a little
gift for you.
228
00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:06,045
This set of bar tools
has been passed down
229
00:09:06,128 --> 00:09:08,923
from account man to account man
since the dawn of history.
230
00:09:09,006 --> 00:09:10,841
1956.
231
00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:12,843
Can you be my dad?
232
00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:15,763
If your mom was a secretary,
there's a good chance I am.
233
00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:17,932
(tires squealing)
234
00:09:18,015 --> 00:09:19,100
(sighs)
235
00:09:19,183 --> 00:09:22,687
Welcome home, handsome!
236
00:09:22,770 --> 00:09:24,438
(both moan)
237
00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:25,982
(laughs)
238
00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:29,110
It's a rat race,
but it looks like I won.
239
00:09:29,193 --> 00:09:32,822
-Oh, to the victor go the spoils.
-Mmm.
240
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:35,575
Dad, you were supposed
to read me a bedtime story.
241
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:38,369
Oh, sorry, sweetie.
Bart can read it to you.
242
00:09:38,452 --> 00:09:39,787
(Homer and Marge laugh)
243
00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:42,456
Read to Lisa? Why don't you
just ask me to kiss her?
244
00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:44,709
If you kissed her,
that would be lovely.
245
00:09:44,792 --> 00:09:47,044
-I'll read! I'll read!
-And kiss.
246
00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:48,838
Does anyone want
my opinion?
247
00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:51,465
Please, Lisa.
I had 18 martinis today.
248
00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:53,092
MARGE:
Hello.
249
00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:57,430
All right, Lis, let's get this stupid
bedtime story over with.
250
00:09:57,513 --> 00:09:59,849
Proceed to the page with
the butterfly bookmark
251
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:02,018
as I cuddle up
with Madam Bunny.
252
00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:03,477
(clears throat)
253
00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:07,440
"If genn-i-oos..."
254
00:10:07,523 --> 00:10:08,774
Genius.
255
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:12,153
"...is eternal pati...
256
00:10:12,236 --> 00:10:13,821
pat-eh...
257
00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:14,905
pa-tie..."
258
00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:17,700
Patience. Patience!
Get on with it!
259
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:20,244
Shut up! Shut up!
I'm a bad reader, okay?!
260
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:23,581
-Well, I could help you.
-I don't want your help!
261
00:10:23,664 --> 00:10:26,334
I'll get one of those jobs
where you don't need to read,
262
00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:28,461
like French fry maker
or general.
263
00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:30,630
-Well, you're getting my help.
-Forget it.
264
00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:32,256
Don't you want to be able
to read the things
265
00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:34,467
people carve into your chest
in prison?
266
00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:35,801
I guess.
267
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,887
♪♪
268
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,317
Close enough.
269
00:10:59,533 --> 00:11:01,702
(sighs)
270
00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:37,029
"But when the helpful voice
was silent,
271
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,740
the daily lesson over,
the beloved presence gone,
272
00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:41,951
and nothing remained
but loneliness and grief,
273
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:44,954
then Jo found her promise
very hard to keep."
274
00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:46,872
We did it, Bart.
275
00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:49,125
-(groans)
-I'm a mentor.
276
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,127
Big deal, you taught me
to read one book.
277
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:54,213
No, Bart, you can read
other books, too.
278
00:11:54,296 --> 00:11:55,464
What?!
279
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:02,054
Homie,
what are you doing?
280
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:04,432
My work is
so meaningless.
281
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,100
You make electricity.
282
00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:08,144
It runs the hospital.
283
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:10,312
You can't touch
electricity, Marge,
284
00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:11,731
you can't feel it.
285
00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:13,899
That's because
it would kill you.
286
00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:16,193
It already is killing me,
Marge.
287
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:17,862
You're the only one
I can talk to.
288
00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:20,072
My wife just
doesn't get it.
289
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:21,574
I'm your wife.
290
00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:22,867
My job is my wife,
291
00:12:22,950 --> 00:12:26,996
loneliness-- my mistress,
despair-- my sex buddy.
292
00:12:27,079 --> 00:12:28,998
Angst is a chick
I met online,
293
00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:31,125
but then it turned out
it was really a guy.
294
00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:32,418
I'm going to bed.
295
00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:34,086
You don't understand me.
296
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:36,255
Only she understands me.
297
00:12:37,673 --> 00:12:38,924
Another round, kid?
298
00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:47,933
(squeaks)
299
00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:58,402
Hey, uh...
I got here after you did.
300
00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:05,451
I'm sorry to bother you at home,
Mr. Marlowe,
301
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:07,787
but my husband's
acting pretty odd--
302
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:10,623
coming home late,
drinking in the morning.
303
00:13:10,706 --> 00:13:12,958
-Wake me when you get to "odd."
-Hmm.
304
00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:16,128
I don't suppose you'd consider
taking your old job back
305
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:19,131
so Homie can go back
to his old job?
306
00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:20,800
Sorry, Marge,
that account job hollowed me out
307
00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:22,468
like a cheap chocolate bunny.
308
00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:25,137
I've been divorced three times,
I've got a cocktail addiction,
309
00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:26,806
a shrimp cocktail addiction,
310
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:29,308
and I can't stop bending women
to my sexual will.
311
00:13:29,391 --> 00:13:33,646
Well, you certainly
won't be bending me...
312
00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:36,148
Wait, how did I end up
in your bedroom?
313
00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:39,235
Lady, I am smoother than
an Eisenhower-era freeway.
314
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,654
Look, I came to talk
about my husband, and...
315
00:13:41,737 --> 00:13:43,739
How did we get in here?
316
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,324
I think better
in the shower.
317
00:13:45,407 --> 00:13:46,659
There's room in here for two.
318
00:13:46,742 --> 00:13:49,245
I'm a happily married woman.
319
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,831
Wow, no woman's ever done
that to me before.
320
00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:53,582
Your husband
is a lucky man.
321
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,918
I know,
and I don't want him to stray
322
00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:58,254
from anything except his diet,
323
00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:01,257
and I don't really
want him to do that.
324
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:03,259
Marge, I made
a big mistake years ago.
325
00:14:03,342 --> 00:14:04,844
I gave up on my family.
326
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:07,096
Then I gave up on my
secret other family.
327
00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:09,723
I missed my son's graduation,
my father's funeral,
328
00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:11,350
and my dog's
best in show.
329
00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:13,894
Don't let Homer make
the mistakes I did.
330
00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:15,521
Luann?
331
00:14:15,604 --> 00:14:16,897
It's not what you think.
332
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:19,692
It's much weirder.
333
00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:23,737
You're reading
a chapter book.
334
00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:25,322
For fun!
335
00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:27,825
Bullies, to me.
336
00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:29,243
(both grunt)
337
00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:31,579
Let's see the name
of this wedgie ticket.
338
00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:33,706
-(gulps)
-Little Women?
339
00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:36,667
Are you aware that's another way
of saying "girls"?
340
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:38,419
Look, I had to read it
to my sister.
341
00:14:38,502 --> 00:14:40,588
Well, maybe
we should hear a little.
342
00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:43,549
And then maybe you'll be hearing
from my sisters.
343
00:14:43,632 --> 00:14:45,759
Your fists are sisters?
344
00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:48,929
Yeah, Poke-ahontas
and Sock-ajawea!
345
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:51,140
-Nice save.
-Get reading.
346
00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:55,436
"And Amy and Jo hugged
one another close,
347
00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:59,064
and everything was forgotten
in one hearty kiss."
348
00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:01,025
End of chapter eight.
349
00:15:01,108 --> 00:15:02,192
You can't stop now.
350
00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:04,320
I want to know if their father
comes home.
351
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:06,530
Does Jo learn to handle
her hasty temper?
352
00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:09,033
Does Amy get over
her conceitedness?
353
00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:11,785
Aw, come on, guys,
it's getting dark.
354
00:15:11,869 --> 00:15:15,497
Okay, but you better be here
tomorrow after school.
355
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,583
'Cause we're going to
keep making you read us
356
00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:19,251
a lame ol' girl's book.
357
00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:21,337
(laughter)
358
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:23,088
Bart needs to work
on differentiating
359
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:25,424
the character voices
a little better.
360
00:15:25,507 --> 00:15:28,260
I know, I keep going,
"Why is Meg saying that?"
361
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:30,387
and then I realize it's Beth.
362
00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:31,722
-(all agreeing)
-That's right.
363
00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:34,099
(Homer grunting)
364
00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:36,226
(intercom buzzes)
365
00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:38,020
RECEPTIONIST:
Your wife is here, Mr. S.
366
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:41,148
(whispering loudly)
Tell her I'm at a meeting, not drinking.
367
00:15:41,231 --> 00:15:43,442
This is a whisper-amplifying
intercom.
368
00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:45,235
-(screams)
-Homer, I want you to come
369
00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:48,113
with me and the kids
on a family vacation.
370
00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:49,323
Of course, of course.
371
00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:51,951
Family is everything
to us company men.
372
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,162
Now, where shall we go
on your vacation?
373
00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:58,248
The farthest thing from
this office I know:
374
00:15:58,332 --> 00:16:01,335
{\an8}rafting down Rattler River Canyon.
375
00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:03,462
{\an8}(Homer whimpers)
376
00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:05,047
That's great--
let me run the numbers
377
00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:06,924
'cause I really want
the Simpson account.
378
00:16:07,007 --> 00:16:09,468
And give these cigars
to your children.
379
00:16:09,551 --> 00:16:11,929
Don't talk to me
like I'm a client.
380
00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:14,890
You're not a client,
you're the client.
381
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,642
(groans)
382
00:16:16,725 --> 00:16:20,062
Simpson, put on your
charm-their-pants-off pants.
383
00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:22,064
The mumpish oafs
in Washington are sending
384
00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:24,316
their sternest band
of nuclear regulators,
385
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,443
handpicked to resist
all blandishment.
386
00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:28,445
I'll handle it, I always do.
387
00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:29,905
Rafting, eh?
388
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,991
It's a perfect way
to entertain them.
389
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:35,202
Finally, humanity has found
a use for water.
390
00:16:35,285 --> 00:16:38,622
Mr. Burns, I can't go
rafting with you because--
391
00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:41,000
wait a minute,
could this all work?
392
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,589
HOMER:
Oh, no, you don't.
393
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,008
Coggily-doggily.
394
00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:51,635
It all fits.
Mr. Burns, rafting it is.
395
00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:52,636
Excellent.
396
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,138
But Mr. S.,
397
00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:56,598
you just promised this week
to Mrs. S., Master B.,
398
00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:58,142
and Mamselles L. and M.
399
00:16:58,225 --> 00:16:59,601
Now, relax, Dottie.
400
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:01,770
Leave everything to me.
401
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,480
(grunts)
402
00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:10,195
Oh, Marge, this is
the most romantic trip
403
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:11,989
you ever nagged me into.
404
00:17:12,072 --> 00:17:14,116
And maybe
when we get home,
405
00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:16,785
we can ride down
something else.
406
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,787
Not sure what you're
going for, but...
407
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,205
(lusty growl)
408
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:22,958
(gasps)
409
00:17:24,626 --> 00:17:26,795
Uh, Marge, why don't I
catch us some salmon?
410
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,630
(grunting)
411
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:29,965
D'oh!
412
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,051
(grunting)
413
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,594
It's about time.
414
00:17:33,677 --> 00:17:36,555
We've been making small talk
about Mussolini for 15 minutes.
415
00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:38,974
Well, I, uh, found
that contact lens I was missing.
416
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,976
Let me just screw her back in.
417
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:44,480
(pained grunting)
418
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,691
So, everybody good?
419
00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:48,609
Why did you get us...
420
00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:51,487
Diversity Kittens
on Meltingpot Mountain?
421
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:53,906
It's more fun to play
with a ball of yarn
422
00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:56,450
if it has all the colors in it.
423
00:17:56,533 --> 00:18:00,370
And yarn should be allowed
to marry dental floss.
424
00:18:06,293 --> 00:18:08,170
If you've got that, then...
425
00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:11,965
Are you sure
you're Martin Scorsese?
426
00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:12,925
(Homer grunts)
427
00:18:13,008 --> 00:18:15,427
Enjoy the outdoors,
you stupid kid.
428
00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:16,678
(worried grunting)
429
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,055
This family time is so precious.
430
00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:19,765
Got to go.
431
00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:21,100
(panting)
432
00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:23,435
(murmurs suspiciously)
433
00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:24,812
(grunting)
434
00:18:24,895 --> 00:18:26,063
(unzips, hums)
435
00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:27,189
(zips up)
436
00:18:27,272 --> 00:18:28,690
(grunting)
437
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:29,691
(grunts wearily)
438
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:31,777
Homer, I want
a Long Island ice tea,
439
00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:33,862
America's most
complicated cocktail.
440
00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:37,741
Homer,
441
00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:41,078
are you schmoozing those men?
442
00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:42,579
(alarmed shriek)
443
00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:44,248
Huh?
444
00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:46,917
Um, I think we're supposed
to get off here.
445
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,544
Take us out first.
446
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:50,212
Anyone can start a family.
447
00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:52,339
These days
no one can find a job.
448
00:18:52,422 --> 00:18:54,842
Let's see, my family
gives me love and sex.
449
00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:56,677
My work gives me
money and sleep.
450
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:58,929
Hurry, we're heading
for the falls!
451
00:19:00,889 --> 00:19:02,766
My coworkers are like a family,
452
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:05,811
but in some ways
my family is like a family, too.
453
00:19:05,894 --> 00:19:09,398
For God's sakes, Homer,
I've given you three children.
454
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:10,983
Whose side are you on?
455
00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:15,320
Yours, Homie,
I'm always on yours.
456
00:19:20,033 --> 00:19:21,451
How ironic.
457
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,704
I survived the Titanic
by making a raft
458
00:19:23,787 --> 00:19:26,832
out of steerage passengers,
and now this.
459
00:19:26,915 --> 00:19:29,710
MARLOWE:
Mr. Burns, your heart will go on.
460
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,505
(all screaming)
461
00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:35,799
Marlowe, I thought
you retired.
462
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:39,011
I can't-- Treasury bills
are paying nothing. Nothing!
463
00:19:39,094 --> 00:19:40,637
Well, Simpson,
you were willing
464
00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:42,681
to let me go
over a waterfall,
465
00:19:42,764 --> 00:19:44,808
but you cut operating expenses
by six percent,
466
00:19:44,892 --> 00:19:46,935
-so you're forgiven.
-Thanks.
467
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,478
Now if you'll
excuse me,
468
00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:51,273
I don't really like bourbon
or business talk,
469
00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:54,568
just good old
Simpson family fun.
470
00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:56,236
Hey, kids, I'm it.
471
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:57,863
(laughter)
472
00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:01,450
(grunting)
473
00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:02,618
Aah!
474
00:20:02,701 --> 00:20:05,621
(screams)
475
00:20:07,706 --> 00:20:10,375
I'm okay,
and I found some gold!
476
00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:13,420
See, luckiest man
in the world.
477
00:20:14,504 --> 00:20:15,964
Oh, I'm so glad
478
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,842
you're not an accounts man anymore.
479
00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:20,719
Yep, your worries
are over.
480
00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:23,305
I'm back to being
a boring old safety inspector
481
00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:25,390
at a nuclear power plant.
482
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:28,727
(both moaning)
483
00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,740
-(murmuring)
-Shh!
484
00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:29,955
{\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay