1 00:00:02,544 --> 00:00:04,963 {\an8}-CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ -Hey. 2 00:00:05,046 --> 00:00:06,631 {\an8}-(yelling) -(laughing) 3 00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:08,466 {\an8}Is there any better feeling 4 00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:11,052 {\an8}than waiting for a live Krusty show to start? 5 00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:13,763 {\an8}Maybe watching your bride coming down the aisle. 6 00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:14,973 {\an8}Hmm. 7 00:00:15,056 --> 00:00:18,184 {\an8}(organ plays discordant music) 8 00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:21,396 {\an8}(grunting) 9 00:00:21,479 --> 00:00:22,939 {\an8}(sobbing) 10 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,817 {\an8}Why does she get to eat before the reception? 11 00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:27,027 {\an8}(sobbing) 12 00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:37,787 {\an8}Seltzer bottle connected and pressurized? 13 00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,080 {\an8}Check. 14 00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:41,041 {\an8}Roll-up dicky set to six? 15 00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:42,792 {\an8}-Nope. 11. -(gasps) 16 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,628 {\an8}My comedy comes from taking risks. 17 00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,630 {\an8}Or avoiding them. I can't remember. 18 00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:49,299 {\an8}Krusty, we need to talk. 19 00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:50,800 {\an8}Make it fast. 20 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:53,553 {\an8}I've got a coiled-up spring ready to boi-oi-oi-oi-oing. 21 00:00:54,637 --> 00:00:57,807 {\an8}Oh, why can't I be funny with just my words? 22 00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:00,560 {\an8}Bill Maher doesn't put dangerous things near his crotch, 23 00:01:00,643 --> 00:01:02,270 {\an8}except when he's off work. 24 00:01:02,353 --> 00:01:03,897 {\an8}(laughs) Yeah. 25 00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:06,357 {\an8}It's about your vodka, Absolut Krusty. 26 00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:08,359 {\an8}We're having trouble persuading people 27 00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:10,528 {\an8}it's hip to drink a vodka made by a clown, 28 00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,447 {\an8}in a bottle shaped like a clown, 29 00:01:12,530 --> 00:01:14,115 {\an8}that does this when you open it. 30 00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:15,950 {\an8}-(ooga horn sounds) -(laughs) 31 00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:17,452 {\an8}Always gets me. 32 00:01:17,535 --> 00:01:18,787 {\an8}Yeah, plus, that TV special 33 00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:21,206 {\an8}where you drank another brand of vodka didn't help. 34 00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:23,541 {\an8}I used up my stuff poisoning deer. 35 00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:25,168 {\an8}If we're ever gonna sell your vodka, 36 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:27,295 {\an8}we need to do something completely unorthodox-- 37 00:01:27,378 --> 00:01:29,047 {\an8}a viral marketing campaign. 38 00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:30,381 {\an8}(metallic creaking) 39 00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:31,549 {\an8}Get to the point! 40 00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:33,468 {\an8}Unless you want a face full of clown chunks! 41 00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:35,553 {\an8}People are more likely to drink your vodka 42 00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:37,972 {\an8}if they think all their coolest friends are drinking it. 43 00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:39,808 {\an8}So, we pay for a big party 44 00:01:39,891 --> 00:01:41,684 {\an8}at the home of a Springfield trendsetter. 45 00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,479 {\an8}Your Brockman, your Bumblebee Man... 46 00:01:44,562 --> 00:01:47,273 {\an8}He invites his cool friends, we serve free cocktails, 47 00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:49,901 {\an8}made with your vodka, generating buzz. 48 00:01:49,984 --> 00:01:51,319 {\an8}We got buzz. 49 00:01:51,402 --> 00:01:52,737 {\an8}Positive buzz. 50 00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:54,823 {\an8}That exists? Wow. 51 00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:57,951 {\an8}So, all you have to do is find one of your loyal fans 52 00:01:58,034 --> 00:02:00,203 {\an8}whose house we can trash and friends you can exploit. 53 00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:01,412 {\an8}(metallic creaking) 54 00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:03,039 {\an8}(gasps, grunts) 55 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,541 {\an8}I need a drink. 56 00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:07,252 {\an8}Not that! Never that! 57 00:02:07,335 --> 00:02:09,504 {\an8}-(theme music plays) -Hey, hey, kids! 58 00:02:09,587 --> 00:02:11,881 {\an8}Who wants to host a viral marketing event? 59 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,424 {\an8}ALL: Yay! 60 00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:15,468 {\an8}All you have to do is write me a letter 61 00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:18,179 {\an8}about how hip and influential your parents are. 62 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:20,265 {\an8}Milhouse, I'm gonna win that thing. 63 00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:21,724 {\an8}How do you know, Bart? 64 00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,852 {\an8}Maybe for once I'll win. 65 00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:26,354 {\an8}Children of troubled marriages not eligible. 66 00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:27,856 {\an8}Oh! 67 00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:29,107 {\an8}(birds singing) 68 00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:31,192 {\an8}So, uh, why are you here? 69 00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:33,361 {\an8}Is it about that unauthorized Krusty look-alike 70 00:02:33,444 --> 00:02:35,071 {\an8}I hired for Lisa's first communion? 71 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:36,197 {\an8}What was his name? 72 00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:38,158 {\an8}Krappy the Klunk. See? 73 00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:40,952 {\an8}Homer, we're here to throw the most redonkulous 74 00:02:41,035 --> 00:02:43,079 {\an8}marketing outreach this town's ever seen. 75 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,832 {\an8}All you have to do is invite every cool person you know. 76 00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:47,667 {\an8}Hey, I wrote the application. 77 00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:49,169 {\an8}Do any of my friends get to come? 78 00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:50,420 {\an8}One friend. 79 00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:52,213 {\an8}He can listen to music with headphones on, 80 00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:53,965 {\an8}he gets one slice of cheese pizza, 81 00:02:54,048 --> 00:02:55,300 {\an8}and if the party gets slow, 82 00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:57,760 {\an8}he has to pretend to let Krusty save him from drowning. 83 00:02:57,844 --> 00:03:00,263 {\an8}-Redonkulous! -Off the dilge! 84 00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:03,641 {\an8}(dance music playing) 85 00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:05,185 {\an8}(tires screech) 86 00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:09,022 {\an8}(crowd chatter) 87 00:03:09,105 --> 00:03:11,941 {\an8}This party is so much better than the crummy ones we plan. 88 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,193 {\an8}(laughs) 89 00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:15,361 {\an8}I hope Bart's having fun. 90 00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:18,740 And that's why John Gielgud is more of a father to me 91 00:03:18,823 --> 00:03:20,241 than my own father. 92 00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:22,160 Where's the nachos you promised? 93 00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:25,455 There'll be time enough for nachos! 94 00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:27,790 Why can't I go to the grown-up room? 95 00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:30,460 You said the clown scared you. 96 00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:32,045 Well, he did a little. 97 00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:33,713 (crowd chatter and laughter) 98 00:03:33,796 --> 00:03:35,840 Boy, everyone from the nuclear plant is here. 99 00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:37,508 Except the bosses, of course. 100 00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:40,261 Yeah, even Homer's not dumb enough to invite... 101 00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:42,889 BURNS: So, this is the famous party. 102 00:03:42,972 --> 00:03:44,933 Feh. Guh. 103 00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:46,976 Pffoy. 104 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,811 (crowd chatter) 105 00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:53,942 He's destroying our youthful demographic! 106 00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:56,069 Oh, God, I need a drink! 107 00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:00,281 So the car in front of us forgot to validate his... uh... 108 00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:03,409 (laughs) I was in an anecdote once. 109 00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:05,954 Um, I have surgery in the morning. 110 00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:08,539 Yeah, and I'm the one having the surgery. 111 00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:10,250 (sighs) 112 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:13,086 Homer, you're the nominal host. Do something! 113 00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:15,129 Oh! Uh! Oh! 114 00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:19,634 Mr. Burns, so glad you're here. 115 00:04:19,717 --> 00:04:21,511 Finally, the party can get started. 116 00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:23,930 Your cotillion seems to be in full promenade. 117 00:04:24,013 --> 00:04:25,431 (laughs) Good one. 118 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:28,893 Uh, Mr. Burns, everyone is dying to hear you sing karaoke. 119 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:31,604 Come on, just pick a popular song. 120 00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:33,731 Do you have anything by Prince... 121 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,400 Wilhelm of Prussia? 122 00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:38,528 I have 16 million songs, but, uh, no. 123 00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:42,740 Just play the oldest, stupidest thing in your catalog. 124 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:45,326 Uh, let me check my beeswax cylinders. 125 00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:47,078 Uh, here we are. 126 00:04:47,161 --> 00:04:50,206 ♪ Come, Josephine, in my flying machine! ♪ 127 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:54,043 ♪ Going up she goes, up she goes ♪ 128 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,796 ♪ Balance yourself like a bird on a beam ♪ 129 00:04:56,879 --> 00:05:00,967 ALL: ♪ In the air she goes, there she goes ♪ 130 00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:03,136 -(applause and cheering) -(Mr. Burns chuckles) 131 00:05:03,219 --> 00:05:06,180 May you all fly in an aeroplane someday. 132 00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:08,308 You certainly seem to be enjoying yourself, sir. 133 00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:10,101 Indeed. That Homer Simpson 134 00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:12,186 is the beating baboon heart of this party. 135 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:15,565 So he says, "Bigamy is having one too many wives." 136 00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:18,776 To which I replied, "So's monogamy." 137 00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:21,321 -(laughter) -Oh, yeah! 138 00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:23,614 I may have a use for this Simpson character 139 00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:25,074 higher up in the organization. 140 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,368 Really? Well, as safety inspector, 141 00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:29,203 he hasn't exactly set the world on fire, 142 00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:31,247 although he came close several times. 143 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,582 (crow caws) 144 00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:35,918 Simpson, you're probably wondering why you're here. 145 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:39,172 It's never good. I always wind up being chased by hounds, 146 00:05:39,255 --> 00:05:40,798 or falling through a trapdoor, 147 00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:43,593 or being a peg in your game of human croquet. 148 00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:45,970 When I made you a hoop, you split your pants. 149 00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:48,639 Now, here at the plant, there's no position more important 150 00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:50,892 than our accounts man, who's responsible 151 00:05:50,975 --> 00:05:53,436 for glad-handing our customers and suppliers. 152 00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:56,022 I'd like you to take over that position. 153 00:05:56,105 --> 00:05:58,441 The last thing I understood in that was "pants." 154 00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:00,068 Just give me your answer, and make it quick! 155 00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:01,694 Our current account man, Robert Marlowe here, 156 00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:03,446 is retiring at the end of the month. 157 00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:05,740 In two weeks, the only tie I'll be wearing is 158 00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:07,825 for autoerotic pleasure. 159 00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:10,119 Yes. Simpson, only you have the bonhomie 160 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,246 and rotund charm to replace him. 161 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:15,625 It means a hefty expense account and a corner office. 162 00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:18,086 Well, in that case... 163 00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:21,339 Before you say yes, Simpson, I feel it's my duty to warn you, 164 00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:23,424 account men lose their soul. 165 00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:25,843 Woo-hoo! No more church! 166 00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:32,892 (door squeaks open and shut) 167 00:06:32,975 --> 00:06:35,144 So long, Sector 7-G. 168 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:38,106 Hello, Sector 22-F! 169 00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:41,275 (elevator bell dings) 170 00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:44,153 (gasps) 171 00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:49,742 (sizzling) 172 00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,577 (giggling) 173 00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,079 (moans) 174 00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:02,463 The higher they rise, the further they fall! 175 00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:04,715 You know, you're kind of a downer. 176 00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:07,468 I thought you were retiring. Why are you still here? 177 00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:09,220 Hey, you're a baby account man. 178 00:07:09,303 --> 00:07:10,721 Still on the bottle. 179 00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:13,558 So, for my last good deed before I retire, 180 00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:15,476 I'm going to help you persuade Mayor Quimby 181 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,395 to sign off on a nuclear rate hike. 182 00:07:17,478 --> 00:07:19,021 Uh-oh, a meeting with the mayor. 183 00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,441 How do I prepare for that? 184 00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:22,900 (chuckles) 185 00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:24,360 I see. 186 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:27,321 Now, how do I prepare for the meeting with the mayor? 187 00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:31,868 I am really enjoying this, but, um... 188 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:34,203 Hello! Meeting with the mayor? 189 00:07:36,205 --> 00:07:37,373 (glass breaking) 190 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,792 Aw. Bourbon go bye-bye. 191 00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:42,587 There ain't enough bourbon in Kentucky for you, big guy. 192 00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:46,382 Yeah, the governor wrote me a letter to that effect. 193 00:07:48,092 --> 00:07:50,595 Wow, I can't believe I'm eating steak with the mayor. 194 00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:53,556 The next time I vote for you, it's gonna be on purpose. 195 00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:54,807 Much obliged. 196 00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,392 Now, uh, where would you like 197 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:59,395 to discuss your proposed tax breaks? 198 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,939 (laughing) 199 00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:03,357 Mmm. 200 00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:04,567 Hey, Homer! 201 00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:05,818 Look at you, man! 202 00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:07,570 (loud whisper) I've outgrown you! 203 00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:12,158 Oh, Mr. Mayor, more "peanut nore"? 204 00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:13,743 (knocking on window) 205 00:08:15,244 --> 00:08:18,247 (glass squeaking) 206 00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:22,043 (both grunt) 207 00:08:22,126 --> 00:08:23,127 Say what you will, man. 208 00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:24,712 He's pretty resourceful. 209 00:08:24,795 --> 00:08:26,547 -(cheering) -HOMER: Wow. 210 00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:28,049 These seats are amazing. 211 00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:30,468 And if you don't like the score, you can change it yourself. 212 00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:31,511 (click) 213 00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,346 HOMER: Boring! 214 00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:34,889 (click) 215 00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:36,098 God, what a great game! 216 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,643 And you, too, can be on the winning team, Mr. Mayor. 217 00:08:38,726 --> 00:08:40,728 The Springfield Nuclear Team. 218 00:08:40,811 --> 00:08:43,940 I have never heard an analogy involving sports! 219 00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:45,733 I love it! 220 00:08:45,816 --> 00:08:47,735 I can't believe that was work! 221 00:08:47,818 --> 00:08:49,320 Yeah, but work is over now. 222 00:08:49,403 --> 00:08:51,239 Want to drink with me till I fall asleep? 223 00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:53,199 Oh, well... 224 00:08:53,282 --> 00:08:57,036 Mm, I really should look at this picture a little longer. 225 00:08:57,119 --> 00:09:00,039 Hmm. Okay, let's go. 226 00:09:00,122 --> 00:09:02,625 Great. Now, in honor of my last day on the hamster wheel, 227 00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:04,252 I have a little gift for you. 228 00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:06,045 This set of bar tools has been passed down 229 00:09:06,128 --> 00:09:08,923 from account man to account man since the dawn of history. 230 00:09:09,006 --> 00:09:10,841 1956. 231 00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:12,843 Can you be my dad? 232 00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:15,763 If your mom was a secretary, there's a good chance I am. 233 00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:17,932 (tires squealing) 234 00:09:18,015 --> 00:09:19,100 (sighs) 235 00:09:19,183 --> 00:09:22,687 Welcome home, handsome! 236 00:09:22,770 --> 00:09:24,438 (both moan) 237 00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:25,982 (laughs) 238 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:29,110 It's a rat race, but it looks like I won. 239 00:09:29,193 --> 00:09:32,822 -Oh, to the victor go the spoils. -Mmm. 240 00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:35,575 Dad, you were supposed to read me a bedtime story. 241 00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:38,369 Oh, sorry, sweetie. Bart can read it to you. 242 00:09:38,452 --> 00:09:39,787 (Homer and Marge laugh) 243 00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:42,456 Read to Lisa? Why don't you just ask me to kiss her? 244 00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:44,709 If you kissed her, that would be lovely. 245 00:09:44,792 --> 00:09:47,044 -I'll read! I'll read! -And kiss. 246 00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:48,838 Does anyone want my opinion? 247 00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:51,465 Please, Lisa. I had 18 martinis today. 248 00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:53,092 MARGE: Hello. 249 00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:57,430 All right, Lis, let's get this stupid bedtime story over with. 250 00:09:57,513 --> 00:09:59,849 Proceed to the page with the butterfly bookmark 251 00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:02,018 as I cuddle up with Madam Bunny. 252 00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:03,477 (clears throat) 253 00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:07,440 "If genn-i-oos..." 254 00:10:07,523 --> 00:10:08,774 Genius. 255 00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:12,153 "...is eternal pati... 256 00:10:12,236 --> 00:10:13,821 pat-eh... 257 00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:14,905 pa-tie..." 258 00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:17,700 Patience. Patience! Get on with it! 259 00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:20,244 Shut up! Shut up! I'm a bad reader, okay?! 260 00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:23,581 -Well, I could help you. -I don't want your help! 261 00:10:23,664 --> 00:10:26,334 I'll get one of those jobs where you don't need to read, 262 00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:28,461 like French fry maker or general. 263 00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:30,630 -Well, you're getting my help. -Forget it. 264 00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:32,256 Don't you want to be able to read the things 265 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:34,467 people carve into your chest in prison? 266 00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:35,801 I guess. 267 00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,887 ♪♪ 268 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,317 Close enough. 269 00:10:59,533 --> 00:11:01,702 (sighs) 270 00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:37,029 "But when the helpful voice was silent, 271 00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,740 the daily lesson over, the beloved presence gone, 272 00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:41,951 and nothing remained but loneliness and grief, 273 00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:44,954 then Jo found her promise very hard to keep." 274 00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:46,872 We did it, Bart. 275 00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:49,125 -(groans) -I'm a mentor. 276 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,127 Big deal, you taught me to read one book. 277 00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:54,213 No, Bart, you can read other books, too. 278 00:11:54,296 --> 00:11:55,464 What?! 279 00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:02,054 Homie, what are you doing? 280 00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:04,432 My work is so meaningless. 281 00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,100 You make electricity. 282 00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:08,144 It runs the hospital. 283 00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:10,312 You can't touch electricity, Marge, 284 00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:11,731 you can't feel it. 285 00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:13,899 That's because it would kill you. 286 00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:16,193 It already is killing me, Marge. 287 00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:17,862 You're the only one I can talk to. 288 00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:20,072 My wife just doesn't get it. 289 00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:21,574 I'm your wife. 290 00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:22,867 My job is my wife, 291 00:12:22,950 --> 00:12:26,996 loneliness-- my mistress, despair-- my sex buddy. 292 00:12:27,079 --> 00:12:28,998 Angst is a chick I met online, 293 00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:31,125 but then it turned out it was really a guy. 294 00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:32,418 I'm going to bed. 295 00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:34,086 You don't understand me. 296 00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:36,255 Only she understands me. 297 00:12:37,673 --> 00:12:38,924 Another round, kid? 298 00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:47,933 (squeaks) 299 00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:58,402 Hey, uh... I got here after you did. 300 00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:05,451 I'm sorry to bother you at home, Mr. Marlowe, 301 00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:07,787 but my husband's acting pretty odd-- 302 00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:10,623 coming home late, drinking in the morning. 303 00:13:10,706 --> 00:13:12,958 -Wake me when you get to "odd." -Hmm. 304 00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:16,128 I don't suppose you'd consider taking your old job back 305 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:19,131 so Homie can go back to his old job? 306 00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:20,800 Sorry, Marge, that account job hollowed me out 307 00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:22,468 like a cheap chocolate bunny. 308 00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:25,137 I've been divorced three times, I've got a cocktail addiction, 309 00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:26,806 a shrimp cocktail addiction, 310 00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:29,308 and I can't stop bending women to my sexual will. 311 00:13:29,391 --> 00:13:33,646 Well, you certainly won't be bending me... 312 00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:36,148 Wait, how did I end up in your bedroom? 313 00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:39,235 Lady, I am smoother than an Eisenhower-era freeway. 314 00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,654 Look, I came to talk about my husband, and... 315 00:13:41,737 --> 00:13:43,739 How did we get in here? 316 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,324 I think better in the shower. 317 00:13:45,407 --> 00:13:46,659 There's room in here for two. 318 00:13:46,742 --> 00:13:49,245 I'm a happily married woman. 319 00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,831 Wow, no woman's ever done that to me before. 320 00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:53,582 Your husband is a lucky man. 321 00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,918 I know, and I don't want him to stray 322 00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:58,254 from anything except his diet, 323 00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:01,257 and I don't really want him to do that. 324 00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:03,259 Marge, I made a big mistake years ago. 325 00:14:03,342 --> 00:14:04,844 I gave up on my family. 326 00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:07,096 Then I gave up on my secret other family. 327 00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:09,723 I missed my son's graduation, my father's funeral, 328 00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:11,350 and my dog's best in show. 329 00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:13,894 Don't let Homer make the mistakes I did. 330 00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:15,521 Luann? 331 00:14:15,604 --> 00:14:16,897 It's not what you think. 332 00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:19,692 It's much weirder. 333 00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:23,737 You're reading a chapter book. 334 00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:25,322 For fun! 335 00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:27,825 Bullies, to me. 336 00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:29,243 (both grunt) 337 00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:31,579 Let's see the name of this wedgie ticket. 338 00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:33,706 -(gulps) -Little Women? 339 00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:36,667 Are you aware that's another way of saying "girls"? 340 00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:38,419 Look, I had to read it to my sister. 341 00:14:38,502 --> 00:14:40,588 Well, maybe we should hear a little. 342 00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:43,549 And then maybe you'll be hearing from my sisters. 343 00:14:43,632 --> 00:14:45,759 Your fists are sisters? 344 00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:48,929 Yeah, Poke-ahontas and Sock-ajawea! 345 00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:51,140 -Nice save. -Get reading. 346 00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:55,436 "And Amy and Jo hugged one another close, 347 00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:59,064 and everything was forgotten in one hearty kiss." 348 00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:01,025 End of chapter eight. 349 00:15:01,108 --> 00:15:02,192 You can't stop now. 350 00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:04,320 I want to know if their father comes home. 351 00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:06,530 Does Jo learn to handle her hasty temper? 352 00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:09,033 Does Amy get over her conceitedness? 353 00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:11,785 Aw, come on, guys, it's getting dark. 354 00:15:11,869 --> 00:15:15,497 Okay, but you better be here tomorrow after school. 355 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,583 'Cause we're going to keep making you read us 356 00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:19,251 a lame ol' girl's book. 357 00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:21,337 (laughter) 358 00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:23,088 Bart needs to work on differentiating 359 00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:25,424 the character voices a little better. 360 00:15:25,507 --> 00:15:28,260 I know, I keep going, "Why is Meg saying that?" 361 00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:30,387 and then I realize it's Beth. 362 00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:31,722 -(all agreeing) -That's right. 363 00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:34,099 (Homer grunting) 364 00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:36,226 (intercom buzzes) 365 00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:38,020 RECEPTIONIST: Your wife is here, Mr. S. 366 00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:41,148 (whispering loudly) Tell her I'm at a meeting, not drinking. 367 00:15:41,231 --> 00:15:43,442 This is a whisper-amplifying intercom. 368 00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:45,235 -(screams) -Homer, I want you to come 369 00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:48,113 with me and the kids on a family vacation. 370 00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:49,323 Of course, of course. 371 00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:51,951 Family is everything to us company men. 372 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,162 Now, where shall we go on your vacation? 373 00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:58,248 The farthest thing from this office I know: 374 00:15:58,332 --> 00:16:01,335 {\an8}rafting down Rattler River Canyon. 375 00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:03,462 {\an8}(Homer whimpers) 376 00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:05,047 That's great-- let me run the numbers 377 00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:06,924 'cause I really want the Simpson account. 378 00:16:07,007 --> 00:16:09,468 And give these cigars to your children. 379 00:16:09,551 --> 00:16:11,929 Don't talk to me like I'm a client. 380 00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:14,890 You're not a client, you're the client. 381 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,642 (groans) 382 00:16:16,725 --> 00:16:20,062 Simpson, put on your charm-their-pants-off pants. 383 00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:22,064 The mumpish oafs in Washington are sending 384 00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:24,316 their sternest band of nuclear regulators, 385 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,443 handpicked to resist all blandishment. 386 00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:28,445 I'll handle it, I always do. 387 00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:29,905 Rafting, eh? 388 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,991 It's a perfect way to entertain them. 389 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:35,202 Finally, humanity has found a use for water. 390 00:16:35,285 --> 00:16:38,622 Mr. Burns, I can't go rafting with you because-- 391 00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:41,000 wait a minute, could this all work? 392 00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,589 HOMER: Oh, no, you don't. 393 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,008 Coggily-doggily. 394 00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:51,635 It all fits. Mr. Burns, rafting it is. 395 00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:52,636 Excellent. 396 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,138 But Mr. S., 397 00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:56,598 you just promised this week to Mrs. S., Master B., 398 00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:58,142 and Mamselles L. and M. 399 00:16:58,225 --> 00:16:59,601 Now, relax, Dottie. 400 00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:01,770 Leave everything to me. 401 00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,480 (grunts) 402 00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:10,195 Oh, Marge, this is the most romantic trip 403 00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:11,989 you ever nagged me into. 404 00:17:12,072 --> 00:17:14,116 And maybe when we get home, 405 00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:16,785 we can ride down something else. 406 00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,787 Not sure what you're going for, but... 407 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,205 (lusty growl) 408 00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:22,958 (gasps) 409 00:17:24,626 --> 00:17:26,795 Uh, Marge, why don't I catch us some salmon? 410 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,630 (grunting) 411 00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:29,965 D'oh! 412 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,051 (grunting) 413 00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,594 It's about time. 414 00:17:33,677 --> 00:17:36,555 We've been making small talk about Mussolini for 15 minutes. 415 00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:38,974 Well, I, uh, found that contact lens I was missing. 416 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,976 Let me just screw her back in. 417 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:44,480 (pained grunting) 418 00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,691 So, everybody good? 419 00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:48,609 Why did you get us... 420 00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:51,487 Diversity Kittens on Meltingpot Mountain? 421 00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:53,906 It's more fun to play with a ball of yarn 422 00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:56,450 if it has all the colors in it. 423 00:17:56,533 --> 00:18:00,370 And yarn should be allowed to marry dental floss. 424 00:18:06,293 --> 00:18:08,170 If you've got that, then... 425 00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:11,965 Are you sure you're Martin Scorsese? 426 00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:12,925 (Homer grunts) 427 00:18:13,008 --> 00:18:15,427 Enjoy the outdoors, you stupid kid. 428 00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:16,678 (worried grunting) 429 00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,055 This family time is so precious. 430 00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:19,765 Got to go. 431 00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:21,100 (panting) 432 00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:23,435 (murmurs suspiciously) 433 00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:24,812 (grunting) 434 00:18:24,895 --> 00:18:26,063 (unzips, hums) 435 00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:27,189 (zips up) 436 00:18:27,272 --> 00:18:28,690 (grunting) 437 00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:29,691 (grunts wearily) 438 00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:31,777 Homer, I want a Long Island ice tea, 439 00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:33,862 America's most complicated cocktail. 440 00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:37,741 Homer, 441 00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:41,078 are you schmoozing those men? 442 00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:42,579 (alarmed shriek) 443 00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:44,248 Huh? 444 00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:46,917 Um, I think we're supposed to get off here. 445 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,544 Take us out first. 446 00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:50,212 Anyone can start a family. 447 00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:52,339 These days no one can find a job. 448 00:18:52,422 --> 00:18:54,842 Let's see, my family gives me love and sex. 449 00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:56,677 My work gives me money and sleep. 450 00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:58,929 Hurry, we're heading for the falls! 451 00:19:00,889 --> 00:19:02,766 My coworkers are like a family, 452 00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:05,811 but in some ways my family is like a family, too. 453 00:19:05,894 --> 00:19:09,398 For God's sakes, Homer, I've given you three children. 454 00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:10,983 Whose side are you on? 455 00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:15,320 Yours, Homie, I'm always on yours. 456 00:19:20,033 --> 00:19:21,451 How ironic. 457 00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,704 I survived the Titanic by making a raft 458 00:19:23,787 --> 00:19:26,832 out of steerage passengers, and now this. 459 00:19:26,915 --> 00:19:29,710 MARLOWE: Mr. Burns, your heart will go on. 460 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,505 (all screaming) 461 00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:35,799 Marlowe, I thought you retired. 462 00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:39,011 I can't-- Treasury bills are paying nothing. Nothing! 463 00:19:39,094 --> 00:19:40,637 Well, Simpson, you were willing 464 00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:42,681 to let me go over a waterfall, 465 00:19:42,764 --> 00:19:44,808 but you cut operating expenses by six percent, 466 00:19:44,892 --> 00:19:46,935 -so you're forgiven. -Thanks. 467 00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,478 Now if you'll excuse me, 468 00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:51,273 I don't really like bourbon or business talk, 469 00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:54,568 just good old Simpson family fun. 470 00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:56,236 Hey, kids, I'm it. 471 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:57,863 (laughter) 472 00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:01,450 (grunting) 473 00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:02,618 Aah! 474 00:20:02,701 --> 00:20:05,621 (screams) 475 00:20:07,706 --> 00:20:10,375 I'm okay, and I found some gold! 476 00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:13,420 See, luckiest man in the world. 477 00:20:14,504 --> 00:20:15,964 Oh, I'm so glad 478 00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,842 you're not an accounts man anymore. 479 00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:20,719 Yep, your worries are over. 480 00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:23,305 I'm back to being a boring old safety inspector 481 00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:25,390 at a nuclear power plant. 482 00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:28,727 (both moaning) 483 00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,740 -(murmuring) -Shh! 484 00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:29,955 {\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay