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CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
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00:00:04,754 --> 00:00:06,297
Whoa, whoa!
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(exclaiming)
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(school bell ringing)
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(Barney belches)
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(whistle blows)
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(yells)
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(beeping)
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(playing the blues)
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(tires screeching)
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D'oh!
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(tires screeching)
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(grunts)
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(gunshot)
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Hmm.
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(grunts)
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Uh! Mom!
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{\an8}(crowd grumbling)
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{\an8}Next.
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{\an8}Finally. The only thing
I wait in lines this long for
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{\an8}are slightly better cell phones.
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{\an8}Why do we even have
to go to this stupid wedding?
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{\an8}Cousin Kathy invited us
so our feelings wouldn't be hurt.
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{\an8}And we're going so her feelings
won't be hurt.
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{\an8}I just don't understand
the world of grown-ups.
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{\an8}Sorry, sir, your bag
is two pounds over the limit.
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{\an8}Are you sure everything
inside is essential?
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{\an8}Absolutely.
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{\an8}Let me just redistribute
our thingies
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{\an8}amongst our various bags.
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{\an8}High school yearbooks...
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{\an8}I told you not to pack them!
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{\an8}(quietly) Don't argue in front
of the airport line.
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{\an8}Strangers are judging
our marriage!
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{\an8}Lisa, do you really need all
these Kurt Vonnegut novels?
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{\an8}They self-reference each other.
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{\an8}Marge, do we really need
all these feminine products?
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{\an8}That's toothpaste!
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{\an8}Yes, but I never use
that kind of toothpaste!
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{\an8}Why don't you put one
of those weights in that bag
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{\an8}and put the other one
in that bag?
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{\an8}(satisfied chuckle)
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{\an8}Try to catch one
on your tongue.
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{\an8}LISA:
We're not with him.
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{\an8}We'll need to have a special
agent check this out.
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{\an8}-(belches)
-You're clear.
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{\an8}Now I have
to change the nipple.
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{\an8}True patriots breast-feed.
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{\an8}(groans)
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{\an8}Sir, you've been
selected for a pat-down.
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{\an8}Whoo-hoo! Can you focus
on my shoulders?
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{\an8}That's where
I carry my stress.
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{\an8}Now, if I fart,
that's 'cause I'm so relaxed.
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{\an8}(humming)
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{\an8}Sir, there isn't enough room.
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{\an8}Yes, there is!
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{\an8}HOMER:
Whoo-hoo!
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{\an8}(sighs)
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{\an8}Welcome to flight 55
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{\an8}to Bozeman, Montana
by way of Miami.
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{\an8}Due to an unforeseen jailbreak
in New South Wales,
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{\an8}our takeoff is going to be
just a little bit delayed.
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{\an8}So, we're going to be
turning off the air,
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{\an8}but ethnic people
are permitted to open
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{\an8}and eat their home-cooked food.
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{\an8}HOMER:
Huh?
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{\an8}What the...?
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{\an8}Crazy food indeed,
my friend.
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{\an8}(chuckling)
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{\an8}(slurping)
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{\an8}(people coughing, babies crying)
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{\an8}CAPTAIN:
Good news, folks.
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{\an8}We've been cleared to taxi
back to the terminal.
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{\an8}You still can't get off,
but you will be able
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{\an8}to look through the window
and see other people
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{\an8}walking around
and making fun of us.
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{\an8}No word on takeoff.
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{\an8}(frustrated grunting)
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{\an8}Sir, return to your seat.
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{\an8}But I have
to go to the bathroom.
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{\an8}You should have thought of that
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{\an8}before you drank the fluids
you need to live.
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{\an8}(groaning)
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{\an8}Don't tread on pee!
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{\an8}(whooping)
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{\an8}We probably have rights!
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{\an8}Yeah!
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{\an8}(grunting)
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{\an8}Airlines don't treat people
like people anymore.
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{\an8}You make us beg
for a filthy pillow
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{\an8}that a barnyard rat
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{\an8}wouldn't curl up and die in.
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{\an8}And watch pre-taped messages
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{\an8}that make crashing
look like fun!
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{\an8}Never putting me
next to a pretty girl.
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{\an8}(groans)
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{\an8}(passengers muttering)
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{\an8}We're going to need
the air marshal.
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{\an8}(clears throat)
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{\an8}Now you've done it!
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{\an8}(sniffs)
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-(screams)
-I need backup!
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Come on, ladies.
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You're all deputies now.
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(whimpers)
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Look, all I want
is what everybody wants:
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preferential treatment.
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(grunts)
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You can check my carry-on,
but you can't check my spirit.
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And why is there moisture
between the windows?
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And don't wake me up to land.
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Just land!
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(grunting)
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(passengers screaming)
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(grunts, screams)
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I regret nothing!
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Except this part.
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(cheering)
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(groans)
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This is the last airline
that would take us.
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Looks like we're back
to traveling
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on tramp steamers
and produce trucks.
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I call shotgun!
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It's too early
to call shotgun.
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It's never too early
to call shotgun.
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No one's shotgun!
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Now, be quiet.
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(groans)
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I'm still going to make
my flight, right?
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'Cause, if not,
you have to put me up
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in a first-class hotel.
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That's how it works. I...
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(gagging)
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(Homer grunting)
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(chuckling)
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"Fatso Goes Nutso."
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And post to YouTube
with the following key words:
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"fat," "stupid,"
"classic Simpsons,"
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and just to be safe,
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"baby rides kitten
rides penguin."
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(chuckles) Perfect.
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You can check my carry-on,
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but you can't check my spirit.
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And why is there moisture
between the windows?
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And don't wake me up to land.
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Just land!
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(moose roars)
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(bell chimes)
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(muffled)
A six-pack of Duff, please.
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Oh, yes, Mr. Homer.
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(groans)
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What gave me away?
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Well, the hot dogs spin
counterclockwise in fear
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whenever you are near, sir.
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00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:09,744
Uh, why are you in disguise?
156
00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:12,830
Because of that dumb viral video
with 150 million hits,
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I can't go out in public.
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00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:16,125
Hey,
it's the guy from the plane.
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(sighs)
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(cheering)
Hey, way to go!
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-Wha...?
-You said what we all think,
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00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:24,926
but don't have the bones to say.
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When I heard Homer speak,
I no longer felt small.
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They love me.
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The quiet Homer Simpson
that kept it all
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bottled up inside is dead.
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This is the birth
of Homer Simpson, blowhard.
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I'm on the roll of my life.
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00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:41,317
Give me a scratcher.
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Give me another one.
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00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:44,695
Almost a winner.
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00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:52,912
{\an8}I'm Nash Castor.
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00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:55,248
{\an8}Coming up, we butt heads
with Ron Paul, Rand Paul,
174
00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:57,708
{\an8}Paul Ryan,
and Mitt "the Wonder" Romney.
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{\an8}But first,
we're here with this guy
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{\an8}my kid said was a thing:
Homer Simpson.
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00:07:01,462 --> 00:07:03,506
{\an8}-Whoo-hoo! I'm famous again!
-Yes,
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00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:04,799
{\an8}your video has been mashed-up,
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00:07:04,882 --> 00:07:06,426
{\an8}Auto-Tuned, Jimmy Falloned,
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00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:08,261
{\an8}Philippine prisonered,
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{\an8}and occasionally even watched.
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{\an8}Ha! But can you save America
from its last savior?
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{\an8}-Adriatica Vel Johnson.
-Nash.
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00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:16,394
{\an8}In this
kicked-in-the-teeth world,
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{\an8}what we don't need
is another blustering bloat bag
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{\an8}who claims to speak for Bubba
and Britney Spray-Cheese.
187
00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:23,484
{\an8}That's really smart.
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00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:24,777
{\an8}That's like something
I would say.
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{\an8}Precisely, Nash.
190
00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:27,447
{\an8}That's a great point,
Adriatica.
191
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:29,449
{\an8}Well, if I could explain myself...
192
00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:30,616
{\an8}-Head butt!
-(groans)
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{\an8}We'll be right back after this.
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Come here, you.
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(moaning, giggling)
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00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:39,167
Homie, you can win
this argument.
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00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:43,212
Just rant and rave like you do
to the TV during sports.
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00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:50,428
Yes. Yes. Got it!
199
00:07:52,847 --> 00:07:54,265
DIRECTOR:
Uh, five seconds to air.
200
00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:55,183
{\an8}(clears throat)
201
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:56,726
{\an8}And we're back
with Homer Simpson,
202
00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:58,853
{\an8}who's about to become
a soggy Pamper
203
00:07:58,936 --> 00:08:02,398
{\an8}flung to the side of history's
freeway in three, two...
204
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:03,941
{\an8}-Not so fast!
-(gasps)
205
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:07,695
{\an8}Now, I may not be some
mani-pedied TV blowhard,
206
00:08:07,778 --> 00:08:09,655
{\an8}but I do speak
for the common man
207
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:12,825
{\an8}who does his lousy job,
goes to church twice a year,
208
00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:14,327
{\an8}and watches women's tennis
209
00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:16,329
{\an8}'cause he likes
to hear them grunt.
210
00:08:16,412 --> 00:08:18,873
{\an8}I bet Chuck the cameraman
and Steve the sound guy
211
00:08:18,956 --> 00:08:21,083
{\an8}know where I'm coming from.
212
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,004
{\an8}Yeah, that's what I'm
talking about.
213
00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:27,131
{\an8}Those real people out there
214
00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:29,675
{\an8}who buy their coffee
from the mini-mart
215
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:32,011
{\an8}and grab enough sugar packs
for a week.
216
00:08:32,094 --> 00:08:35,139
{\an8}Honest, hardworking,
sugar-stealing Americans!
217
00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:36,724
-(crew cheering)
-DIRECTOR: Cut.
218
00:08:36,807 --> 00:08:38,226
Nash, I'm scared.
219
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:40,061
Find me a rich
husband-- quick!
220
00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:42,730
Dad, you out-talked
the talking heads.
221
00:08:42,813 --> 00:08:44,273
From now on,
when someone asks me,
222
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:46,567
I'm going to say you are
my father.
223
00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:47,860
Aw, son.
224
00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:50,988
Now I regret bad-mouthing you
to that girl you liked.
225
00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:52,990
Homer,
the way you just demolished
226
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:56,327
our number-one
on-air personality was...
227
00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:57,995
fantastic!
228
00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:00,498
You are the kind
of ill-informed gasbag
229
00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:02,458
this network
cannot get enough of.
230
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:03,793
We only have 11 now.
231
00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:05,753
Not to mention
our liberal straw man.
232
00:09:05,836 --> 00:09:08,130
♪ Oh, the plain
and simple facts is ♪
233
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:09,840
♪ I'd love to raise your taxes ♪
234
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:12,385
♪ And make your
children gay... ♪
235
00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:14,220
But what we don't
have is someone
236
00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:15,888
who speaks
to the average American.
237
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:18,808
Your flyover Franks,
your dirt-bike Daryls.
238
00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:21,269
How can you refer
to your audience that way?
239
00:09:21,352 --> 00:09:22,353
Well, what you do is take
240
00:09:22,436 --> 00:09:24,188
a derogatory term
and think of other words
241
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:25,856
-that start with the same letter.
-Hmm.
242
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:27,358
Homer, you're getting
your own show.
243
00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:28,609
Finally.
244
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:30,695
But I want to do it my way:
245
00:09:30,778 --> 00:09:33,447
classy and sophisticated.
246
00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:35,950
Welcome to Gut Check
with Homer Simpson!
247
00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:40,162
Where the truth is served
with a side of... in your face.
248
00:09:45,209 --> 00:09:46,877
I am Homer Simpson.
249
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:49,255
(chickens clucking)
250
00:09:49,338 --> 00:09:52,466
America's latest teller of truth
with a book deal on the side.
251
00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,218
Audio book read by Lenny.
252
00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:56,345
I'm not just another loudmouth.
253
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:59,724
I'm a loudmouth who says things
you're afraid to say,
254
00:09:59,807 --> 00:10:01,976
but not racist things!
255
00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:04,812
Let's go to the map.
256
00:10:04,895 --> 00:10:06,647
{\an8}Zoomy, zoomy, zoomy.
257
00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:08,733
{\an8}Dateline: Nebraska.
258
00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:10,901
A high school principal
has decided
259
00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:14,113
that football is too dangerous,
260
00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:17,158
so he's replacing it
with... soccer.
261
00:10:19,535 --> 00:10:21,245
Are you ready
for Irish announcers
262
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:22,830
with lyrical accents?
263
00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:24,665
"Oh, that's a lovely touch.
264
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:26,876
Oh, such a beautiful form."
265
00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:29,545
If we lose football,
266
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,506
we lose the blitz, cheerleaders,
267
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:35,176
Rudys, Ochocincos,
268
00:10:35,259 --> 00:10:38,387
something for fat kids to play.
269
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,139
(sobbing)
270
00:10:40,222 --> 00:10:42,266
Ochocincos.
271
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:44,477
(sobbing)
272
00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:48,439
Oh, yeah, that's right.
273
00:10:48,522 --> 00:10:49,607
It's already happening, people.
274
00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:52,026
Hoard your toilet paper.
275
00:10:52,109 --> 00:10:53,527
Shoot the mailman!
276
00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:56,614
(sobbing)
Shoot the mailman.
277
00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:59,116
Is it a little weird
how much he cries?
278
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,702
No way. When a guy
who loves America cries,
279
00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:03,454
it makes him super straight.
280
00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:06,040
This is going so great.
281
00:11:06,123 --> 00:11:07,792
I'm already
a Halloween mask!
282
00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:11,671
That's not you.
283
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:13,631
They just painted Shrek yellow.
284
00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:16,967
It's still a great honor.
285
00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:19,136
Dad, I'm glad your show
is successful,
286
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:22,640
but I have to ask you:
what's with the crying?
287
00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:24,266
Great question.
288
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:27,645
I know you children have never
seen your father cry before.
289
00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:29,271
Marge, do we have
any more gravy?
290
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:30,648
No, we're out.
291
00:11:30,731 --> 00:11:32,149
(sobbing)
Why?
292
00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:33,818
Oh, why?!
293
00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:37,405
Homie, I'm glad
you're passionate,
294
00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:40,408
I just hope you're not
riling people up with your show.
295
00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:42,535
Oh, Marge, don't worry.
296
00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:44,662
People know
I'm doing a character,
297
00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:48,082
like Stephen Colbert
or Newt Gingrich.
298
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,669
Welcome back
to Gut Check.
299
00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:55,464
I have something very, very
pro-American to share with you.
300
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:56,632
Come with me.
301
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,384
D'oh!
Death to America!
302
00:11:58,467 --> 00:11:59,760
I mean, over here.
303
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:01,971
You all know I'm a big fan
of American meat.
304
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:05,766
Although, sometimes you got
to cut off some of the gristle.
305
00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:08,519
(roars)
306
00:12:08,602 --> 00:12:11,063
Take that,
centers of art and commerce!
307
00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:13,733
And this country has something
extra that makes our meat
308
00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:16,193
the juiciest,
most melt-in-your-mouth,
309
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:18,362
stay-in-your-heart meat
in the world.
310
00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:22,533
That's right, I'm talking about
the gravy of freedom.
311
00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:27,747
When March Madness spills
into April, that's the gravy.
312
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,123
When someone messes with you,
313
00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:32,334
and you invade the country
that did it plus another one,
314
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:33,961
that's the gravy.
315
00:12:34,044 --> 00:12:36,213
When you stick your flag
in the moon
316
00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:41,135
and say "Now we're done trying,"
that's the gravy!
317
00:12:41,218 --> 00:12:43,471
So get on the boat.
318
00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:45,222
The gravy boat!
319
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:48,476
Good night and good gravy.
320
00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:50,978
Great show, people.
Great show.
321
00:12:51,061 --> 00:12:53,773
Um... not a big deal,
but next time,
322
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:56,192
can we use real gravy
instead of brown paint?
323
00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:57,610
Not a big deal.
324
00:12:57,693 --> 00:13:00,321
So, what's this
with the gravy boat?
325
00:13:00,404 --> 00:13:02,531
Just an innocuous little symbol,
326
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,576
like a smiley face
or like an I.O.U.
327
00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:08,579
You know, symbols can often
rile people up.
328
00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:11,582
The swastika,
the New York Yankees logo.
329
00:13:11,665 --> 00:13:13,918
(laughs)
Oh. Don't worry, sweetie.
330
00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:16,545
I think I know how
to whip up an audience
331
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:17,922
just short of a frenzy.
332
00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:34,438
(clamoring)
333
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:41,529
Why did I make this
a loss leader?
334
00:13:44,698 --> 00:13:47,243
The gravy boat movement
is spreading across the nation
335
00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:49,787
like a rumor about
some kid and someone's mom
336
00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:51,163
hooking up at a high school.
337
00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:53,082
With the presidential primaries
coming up
338
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:54,917
and an entrenched incumbent
in office,
339
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,253
Republican leaders
have no choice but to court
340
00:13:57,336 --> 00:14:01,549
this movement's inglorious
baster, Homer Simpson.
341
00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:03,467
Marge, I'm going to meet with
342
00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:06,262
the Republican establishment
and pick their nominee.
343
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:09,640
If there's sandwiches there,
you want me to bring some back?
344
00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:11,767
Speaking for Lisa and me,
345
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:15,354
we're not really
110% behind you anymore.
346
00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:17,773
Then what percent above 100
are you behind me?
347
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:18,941
Um, none.
348
00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:21,527
Only 100%?!
(groans)
349
00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:23,070
Homie, I love you,
350
00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:25,781
and I'm glad we're finally
using our wedding china,
351
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,199
but when you're helping to pick
352
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,785
the next leader
of the free world...
353
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,078
Dad, you shouldn't do this.
354
00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:33,539
It's not fair
how much influence you have.
355
00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:36,208
Now, Lisa,
I'm an entertainer.
356
00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:39,461
And you can't entertain
and inform at the same time.
357
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:41,422
And if you're Access Hollywood,
you do neither.
358
00:14:41,505 --> 00:14:43,173
(chuckles)
359
00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:47,052
{\an8}(thunder rumbles)
360
00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:49,889
Hmm. Hmm.
361
00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:51,932
Now, they're all
excellent choices,
362
00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:54,560
so simply pick the white male
candidate you prefer
363
00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:55,644
and we'll elect him.
364
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:58,856
I don't know. Can't we get
Chris Christie to run?
365
00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:00,608
I don't think so.
366
00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:04,361
(choking)
367
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:06,906
Save me, ObamaCare!
368
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:09,575
Yeah, maybe I'll vote Democrat.
369
00:15:09,658 --> 00:15:11,452
The great thing is,
when they get in,
370
00:15:11,535 --> 00:15:12,912
they act like Republicans.
371
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:16,582
MAN: No one's voting Democrat
while I can still draw a bow.
372
00:15:16,665 --> 00:15:18,083
(gasps)
373
00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:20,753
(gasps)
374
00:15:20,836 --> 00:15:22,922
Ted Nugent.
375
00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:26,467
I made love on my honeymoon
to your sweet music.
376
00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:27,927
You're my man!
377
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:31,013
You're endorsing Ted Nugent
for president?
378
00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:34,183
He's a right-wing rock star
who likes everything I hate!
379
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:36,185
Could there be anyone awesomer?
380
00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:37,853
Who's hungry for elk?
381
00:15:38,687 --> 00:15:40,522
(screams)
382
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:41,941
Hmm.
383
00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:44,276
My daughter's a vegetarian.
384
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,487
That's all right,
she can munch on an antler.
385
00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:48,530
Antlers ain't meat.
386
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:55,037
I thought I smelled
death-a-diddly.
387
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,580
What is that,
an eight-pointer?
388
00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:57,873
From the looks
of that mustache,
389
00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,583
I'm guessing you're
a tenured professor
390
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:01,418
at the People's Republic
of Berkeley.
391
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:04,421
Hey, the only left-wing thing
about me is the way I write.
392
00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:06,632
(grunts)
Oh, that's just fine,
393
00:16:06,715 --> 00:16:09,009
as long as you're
not a Mormon.
394
00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:11,762
Dad, you cannot
endorse Ted Nugent.
395
00:16:11,845 --> 00:16:13,430
I mean, sure,
we all love his music...
396
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:14,598
-Oh, yeah.
-No question about it.
397
00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:15,891
-I love that guy.
-We listen to it.
398
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,059
But he's out of his mind!
399
00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:18,769
He can't run for president!
400
00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:20,854
I bagged me a fat little badger.
401
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:23,524
Please, kind sir, have pity.
402
00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:26,193
All I hear is
"chitter-chitter."
403
00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:30,447
(snoring)
404
00:16:32,866 --> 00:16:34,952
(snoring)
405
00:16:35,035 --> 00:16:36,829
MAN:
Arise, Homer Simpson!
406
00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:38,372
Huh? Who's there?
407
00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:42,501
(screams)
Mozart!
408
00:16:42,584 --> 00:16:44,795
-I am James Madison, sir.
-(screams)
409
00:16:44,878 --> 00:16:47,381
Fourth president
of these United States.
410
00:16:47,464 --> 00:16:48,757
-Ooh.
-Now, come,
411
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:50,884
and I shall teach
you of democracy.
412
00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:52,302
Can we get some pizza
on the way?
413
00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:53,554
Everything's closed.
414
00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:55,305
They sell some
at the gas station.
415
00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:57,891
I don't want
gas station pizza.
416
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:01,645
(whinnies)
417
00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:04,523
So, how come your picture's
not on money?
418
00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:06,775
Actually,
I'm on the $5,000 bill.
419
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,485
Do you give them out
for fans?
420
00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:09,486
'Cause I'm a fan.
421
00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:14,116
I want to show you something.
422
00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:17,202
What's this?
423
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:19,788
Some kind of
bicentennial lemon party?
424
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:22,207
These are the framers
of the Constitution, Homer.
425
00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:25,085
This great nation is built upon
the hard work of,
426
00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:27,379
well, as you would say, nerds.
427
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:28,547
Nerds!
428
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:30,049
You want I should mess them up?
429
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:32,301
I want you
should not mess!
430
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:35,095
You are an embarrassment
to the aristocratic slaveholders
431
00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:36,889
who forged this mighty nation.
432
00:17:36,972 --> 00:17:38,974
But gravy
is the freedom where...
433
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,560
Silence!
Founding Fathers, to me!
434
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,146
(grunting)
435
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:46,065
(gasps)
436
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:49,568
"Congress shall have the power
to lay and collect taxes"?!
437
00:17:49,651 --> 00:17:51,570
"No new states shall be formed
438
00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:53,614
"or erected
within the jurisdiction
439
00:17:53,697 --> 00:17:56,658
of any other state"?!
440
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,410
No, no, John Hancock.
441
00:17:58,494 --> 00:17:59,745
I don't need insurance.
442
00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:02,748
Sam Adams, I'm sorry
I made fun of your winter ale.
443
00:18:02,831 --> 00:18:03,791
Homie, wake up.
444
00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:05,667
(gasps)
It was all a dream.
445
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:08,045
Oh, Marge,
Oscar Madison came to me
446
00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:11,799
and told me that politics
are serious and important!
447
00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:12,800
(yawns)
448
00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:14,051
Lisa, you were right!
449
00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:17,221
I'm not going to endorse
anybody for anything.
450
00:18:17,304 --> 00:18:19,473
(kids screaming)
451
00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:25,395
(muffled grunting)
452
00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:26,897
Oh, Dad!
453
00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:29,483
I'm so glad you've heard
the voice of reason.
454
00:18:29,566 --> 00:18:32,903
Yes, the will of the people
should not be subverted
455
00:18:32,986 --> 00:18:35,322
by demagogues who--
hey, what's this?
456
00:18:35,405 --> 00:18:37,825
"Springfield Colonial Village"?
457
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:43,247
What the...?
You faked it!
458
00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:45,499
Lisa, how could you?
459
00:18:45,582 --> 00:18:47,417
It wasn't just her, Homie.
460
00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:48,418
It was all of us.
461
00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:50,587
I did it just to mess
with your mind.
462
00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:53,132
That's what a play
within a play is for!
463
00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:54,633
(choking)
464
00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:57,177
No strangling
on school days!
465
00:18:57,261 --> 00:19:00,347
Well, if there's one thing
I don't like being taught,
466
00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:01,598
it's a lesson!
467
00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:03,642
I'm so mad.
468
00:19:03,725 --> 00:19:05,644
Not only will I endorse
Ted Nugent,
469
00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:10,190
but I will call for an end
to the direct election of senators!
470
00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:11,692
Dad, no!
471
00:19:11,775 --> 00:19:12,860
Really?
That made sense?
472
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:14,361
Then I'm definitely doing it.
473
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:19,867
Folks, because I love
democracy so much,
474
00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:22,077
I command you
to vote for this man
475
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,872
whom I alone have selected
as your next president.
476
00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:28,458
Now to baptize his candidacy
with my tears.
477
00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:32,796
The words "strutting stadium rocker"
are overused these days,
478
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:36,133
but when I first
met Ted Nugent...
479
00:19:36,216 --> 00:19:37,176
(gasps)
480
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:38,594
Uh, huh?
481
00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:40,262
My emotions were
so powerful.
482
00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:42,890
Come on, hurry up and cry
so I can get elected
483
00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:45,809
and open up the San Diego Zoo
for big game hunting.
484
00:19:45,893 --> 00:19:48,187
(grunting)
485
00:19:49,813 --> 00:19:51,523
It's not working. But why?
486
00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:52,900
Maybe because,
deep down,
487
00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:55,152
you know you don't believe
in what you're doing.
488
00:19:55,235 --> 00:19:56,904
Oh, my God, she's right.
489
00:19:56,987 --> 00:20:00,908
My lips will say anything,
but my eyes know the truth!
490
00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:03,285
My ears are
keeping their mouth shut.
491
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:10,751
My fellow Americans,
I am full of crap.
492
00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:12,628
I knew you were, Dad.
493
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:14,421
(sobbing)
494
00:20:14,504 --> 00:20:16,298
I always knew!
495
00:20:16,381 --> 00:20:18,091
(sobbing)
496
00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:22,221
Well, for one brief, glorious moment,
I was almost president,
497
00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:23,430
sort of, not really.
498
00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:26,350
Now, let me just play a sweet
song that I'll never hear.
499
00:20:26,433 --> 00:20:28,477
♪ Hail to me ♪
500
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,270
♪ I'm the presidential gonzo ♪
501
00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:33,398
♪ Hunt with a bow 'cause
it's silent like the night ♪
502
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:36,818
♪ Eat mooses raw so their souls
go into my soul ♪
503
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:41,240
♪ I'll move the White House
to Kalamazoo ♪
504
00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:51,291
{\an8}TED: ♪ There is a new national
anthem that is sweeping the land ♪
505
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:53,835
{\an8}♪ And it was written by me ♪
506
00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:57,965
{\an8}♪ And it popped into my head
while I was washing my dog ♪
507
00:20:58,048 --> 00:21:00,717
{\an8}♪ Suck on that,
Francis Scott Key ♪
508
00:21:00,801 --> 00:21:05,055
{\an8}♪ Oh, I got a good song fever ♪
509
00:21:05,138 --> 00:21:07,349
{\an8}-♪ Ted Nugent fever ♪
-HOMER: ♪ Something, something fever ♪
510
00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:08,600
{\an8}TED: Sing it, Homer!
511
00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:11,603
{\an8}HOMER:
♪ I got this song fever ♪
512
00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:15,315
{\an8}TED / HOMER:
♪ We got America fever ♪
513
00:21:15,399 --> 00:21:17,567
{\an8}♪ We got America fever ♪
514
00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:21,196
{\an8}-TED: ♪ U.S. of A! ♪
-HOMER: ♪ U.S. of A. ♪
515
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,782
{\an8}HOMER: Great song, Ted!
516
00:21:23,865 --> 00:21:27,077
{\an8}When's our next gig?
Are we going to New York or...?
517
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:29,204
{\an8}-Shh!
-HOMER: Oh...
518
00:21:31,623 --> 00:21:35,002
{\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay