1
00:00:02,544 --> 00:00:03,712
CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:03,795 --> 00:00:06,256
(Ned whimpering)
3
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:12,178
(exclaiming)
4
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,060
(school bell ringing)
5
00:00:21,479 --> 00:00:22,522
(Barney belches)
6
00:00:22,605 --> 00:00:24,482
(whistle blows)
7
00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:26,776
(yells)
8
00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:32,323
(beeping)
9
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,912
(playing the blues)
10
00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:47,756
D'oh!
11
00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:48,965
(tires screeching)
12
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,383
(grunts)
13
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,635
♪♪
14
00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:09,569
D'oh!
15
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,254
So what are we doing here?
16
00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:32,050
What, is it the thing where
the family runs in and sits down?
17
00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:34,594
That's it?
18
00:01:34,677 --> 00:01:37,889
We flew you in
and put you up for that?
19
00:01:37,972 --> 00:01:39,390
I, I think we're done here.
20
00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:40,433
Paul.
21
00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:43,144
(playing The Simpsons
theme song)
22
00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:46,981
(song ends)
23
00:01:55,406 --> 00:01:58,368
{\an8}Lisa Simpson, your actions
have brought devastation
24
00:01:58,451 --> 00:01:59,577
{\an8}upon this town,
25
00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:02,163
{\an8}and all because
of your selfish desire
26
00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:04,165
{\an8}to be accepted by others.
27
00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:06,000
{\an8}(gallery murmuring hostilely)
28
00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:07,168
{\an8}Leave her alone.
29
00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:08,837
{\an8}That's my only
talking daughter.
30
00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:13,508
{\an8}Lethal inject her
on the electric chair.
31
00:02:13,591 --> 00:02:17,303
{\an8}Bart, it's okay to say that
at home but not in court.
32
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:19,472
{\an8}-Take it back.
-Withdrawn.
33
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:24,435
{\an8}Now, Lisa, tell your side of
the story, and use your big voice.
34
00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:26,688
{\an8}Well, it all started
a couple of months ago.
35
00:02:26,771 --> 00:02:27,939
{\an8}Your Honor,
I'd like to request
36
00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:30,733
{\an8}that everyone in the court
picture in their minds
37
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,443
{\an8}what the witness
is describing.
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00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:34,654
{\an8}I'll allow it,
but no flights of fancy.
39
00:02:34,737 --> 00:02:36,447
{\an8}LISA:
Like all too many stories
40
00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:40,326
{\an8}about my family, it began with
somebody watching television.
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00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:42,120
{\an8}Well, McBain,
you certainly picked
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00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:44,622
{\an8}a bad time to come
out of retirement.
43
00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:46,875
{\an8}I hope you have
a COBRA plan.
44
00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:48,668
{\an8}(hisses)
45
00:02:48,751 --> 00:02:53,089
{\an8}You are suffering from
a reptile dysfunction.
46
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,925
{\an8}HOMER:
(groaning) Down in front.
47
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,219
{\an8}Damn it,
why do kids have heads?
48
00:02:58,303 --> 00:03:01,764
{\an8}Homie, stop watching the movie
in the other people's car.
49
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:04,934
{\an8}Oh, but I'm invested
in the characters.
50
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,812
{\an8}You'll miss the turnoff
to the fancy new mall.
51
00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,272
{\an8}I make my own turnoffs.
52
00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:12,108
{\an8}(tires screeching)
53
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,694
{\an8}And that, kids,
is how you stick it
54
00:03:14,777 --> 00:03:17,780
{\an8}to the Towne Centre Real Estate
Investment Trust.
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00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:19,616
{\an8}No, no, no.
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00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:20,700
{\an8}Whoo-hoo!
57
00:03:20,783 --> 00:03:21,618
{\an8}(tires screech)
58
00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:23,912
{\an8}Someone thinks we're leaving.
59
00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:24,954
{\an8}I'll wave them off.
60
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,373
{\an8}No, no, no, no, let's see how
long we can keep 'em waiting.
61
00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:29,292
{\an8}Everyone act like
we're buckling up to go home.
62
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,377
{\an8}-(laughs)
-Homie.
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00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:32,879
{\an8}Marge, if you were
married to Da Vinci,
64
00:03:32,962 --> 00:03:34,380
{\an8}you wouldn't tell him
not to Da Vinch.
65
00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:35,882
{\an8}(groans)
66
00:03:54,108 --> 00:03:56,236
{\an8}Damn it,
are you leaving or not?!
67
00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:57,612
{\an8}Leaving?
68
00:03:57,695 --> 00:03:59,739
{\an8}Why on earth
would you think that?
69
00:03:59,822 --> 00:04:01,074
{\an8}(roars)
70
00:04:01,157 --> 00:04:03,660
{\an8}(all laughing)
71
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:06,621
{\an8}We totally wasted his time.
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00:04:06,704 --> 00:04:08,665
{\an8}And ours.
(laughs)
73
00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:14,337
{\an8}This place is so great.
74
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,506
{\an8}When the trolley hits you,
it doesn't even hurt.
75
00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:18,883
{\an8}(bell ringing, Homer giggling)
76
00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:24,389
{\an8}You try it, Maggie.
77
00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:26,349
{\an8}(bell ringing, Maggie giggling)
78
00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:30,687
{\an8}Ooh, condos.
79
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:32,272
{\an8}Lenny, do you live here?
80
00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:33,523
{\an8}Yeah, I just moved in.
81
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:35,775
{\an8}I have a Drippin' Dots
for breakfast every morning;
82
00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:38,027
{\an8}at lunch, I get a massage
in front of strangers;
83
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,780
{\an8}and then I spend the afternoon
browsing cell phone skins.
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00:04:40,863 --> 00:04:42,115
{\an8}Ever get tired
of those dancing waters?
85
00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:45,827
{\an8}(Strauss' "The Blue Danube" playing)
86
00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:48,454
{\an8}The day I moved in.
87
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:50,123
{\an8}So what are we all going
to do together?
88
00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:54,961
{\an8}Actually, we just came to do
some shopping as a family.
89
00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:56,254
{\an8}Oh, no worries.
90
00:04:56,337 --> 00:04:59,924
{\an8}Mr. Mall can make
his own excitement.
91
00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:02,927
{\an8}Give me one doll
from every time period,
92
00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:05,138
{\an8}and set me up for a tea party
in a private room.
93
00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:08,224
{\an8}Lenny, you asked me to stop you
from coming back in here.
94
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:09,976
{\an8}Let me help you.
95
00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:13,563
{\an8}You can help me by giving me
Ellis Island Emily.
96
00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:15,898
{\an8}Hi, dear, I'm your Uncle Lenny.
97
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,942
{\an8}I'm going to buy you
an all-new wardrobe,
98
00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:19,902
{\an8}fix your teeth,
send you to the best schools,
99
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,988
{\an8}and you're going to hate
and resent me for it
100
00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:24,324
{\an8}'cause you're an American now.
101
00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:28,911
I was hanging on to these
gift cards as investments,
102
00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:31,247
but then half the companies
went out of business.
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00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,124
Better sort those out.
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{\an8}(applause)
105
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:40,340
{\an8}CROWD:
Aw...
106
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:48,264
{\an8}(loud applause)
107
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,183
{\an8}CROWD:
Aw...
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(grunts nervously)
109
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D'oh!
Do-over.
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00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,647
Hmm.
111
00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:57,815
Whoo-hoo!
112
00:06:00,234 --> 00:06:02,945
Unspool it into my mouth
113
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,823
till that card
is at zero.
114
00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:07,575
Draw the curtain.
115
00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:16,542
(Bart humming)
116
00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:18,336
Sir, as a complexion
scientist,
117
00:06:18,419 --> 00:06:20,797
I must advise you
against using any more.
118
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,091
This is the most powerful
hydrator we sell.
119
00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:25,468
Less blathering, more slathering.
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(grunts happily)
121
00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:28,012
(laughs)
122
00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:30,890
-(laughing)
-Hey!
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00:06:30,973 --> 00:06:31,974
Watch it!
124
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,643
Yo, Bart dude.
125
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:34,852
Can I get a ride
to the food court?
126
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:36,229
Hop on.
127
00:06:36,687 --> 00:06:38,856
(laughing)
Ho-ho!
128
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,942
(grunts)
129
00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:48,783
Hmm.
130
00:06:48,866 --> 00:06:50,618
I kind of want to
create my own thing.
131
00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:52,954
Do you sell
any just plain sets?
132
00:06:53,037 --> 00:06:55,081
No.
We do all the imagining for you.
133
00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:56,916
(sighs)
Well, I'll just buy one of these
134
00:06:56,999 --> 00:06:58,209
and build something
different.
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00:06:58,292 --> 00:07:00,962
You do and you'd better
build yourself a lawyer.
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00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:04,132
LAWYER: Miss Simpson,
does the court really need to hear
137
00:07:04,215 --> 00:07:05,758
everything that happened
138
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:08,302
in every store
your family visited?
139
00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:12,098
Trust me, I've left a lot out
and cleaned up the swears.
140
00:07:12,181 --> 00:07:14,100
Anyway,
I ran into some schoolmates
141
00:07:14,183 --> 00:07:15,601
and thought they
might be friendly.
142
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:18,896
That's what kids do, right,
hang out at the mall together?
143
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:19,981
But when I went over...
144
00:07:20,064 --> 00:07:22,567
Hi, guys,
what are you doing?
145
00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:25,820
Duh, having feathers
woven into our hair.
146
00:07:25,903 --> 00:07:28,239
LISA'S BRAIN: Those girls
are snotty and shallow.
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00:07:28,322 --> 00:07:29,574
Tell them off.
148
00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:31,409
Can I join you?
149
00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:32,994
(Lisa's brain groans)
150
00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:36,164
Lisa, how can we put this?
151
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:39,500
You're the reason no one wears
Silly Bandz anymore.
152
00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:42,336
Wha...?
They, they don't?
153
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:43,504
(gasps)
154
00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:45,673
(grunts)
What the...?
155
00:07:45,756 --> 00:07:47,175
(sighs sadly)
156
00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:48,843
(moans)
157
00:07:48,926 --> 00:07:50,386
Enough.
158
00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,266
I don't trust this place.
159
00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:57,018
Where are the cashiers?
160
00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:59,187
Huh? Oh.
161
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:01,272
Huh?
Oh.
162
00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:03,941
Yeah, the lightest,
most desirable computer
163
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:08,279
in the world for the next
three weeks: the Mapple Void.
164
00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:13,993
I'll take it,
provided you charge me
165
00:08:14,076 --> 00:08:16,829
for services
that Google offers for free.
166
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:19,332
-I already have.
-Sweet.
167
00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:23,044
This computer is so great.
168
00:08:23,127 --> 00:08:25,004
I'm watching the latest
Sofia Coppola movie
169
00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:28,382
at 20x speed to make it seem
like a normal movie.
170
00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:29,926
I think it just froze.
171
00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:33,262
Oh, no, no,
that bird just moved.
172
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:36,432
Uh-oh, a draggy backpack.
173
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,684
I have no friends.
174
00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:42,313
Aw, sweetie, hey,
why don't you make friends
175
00:08:42,396 --> 00:08:43,606
with my new computer?
176
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:45,650
-Okay.
-Let me just finish downloading
177
00:08:45,733 --> 00:08:47,276
the complete works
of Shakespeare.
178
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:51,197
(humming)
179
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:52,615
(sneaky chuckle)
180
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:55,785
Now who's the greatest writer
of all time?
181
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:01,290
I'd have more friends
if I knew what people liked,
182
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,960
but I won't know what people like
unless I'm their friend.
183
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:05,461
It's a conundrum.
184
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,171
Helpful hint:
If you want friends,
185
00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:09,257
don't use words like "conundrum."
186
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:10,424
(phone rings)
187
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,385
-JIMBO: Co-what-drum?
-Jimbo heard me say it.
188
00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:13,469
I'm dead.
189
00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:23,396
Hmm.
190
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:32,822
It's easier to be friends
with lots of people online
191
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:34,991
than one person in person.
192
00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:37,159
What if I started
an online meeting place
193
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:41,622
where all are equal
and I am the undisputed center?
194
00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:44,166
(both grunting)
195
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,877
How's this for a conundrum?
196
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:48,254
It's not really a conundrum.
197
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:51,173
Sit at my feet,
and I will elaborate.
198
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,972
So, to summarize, Your Honor,
199
00:09:58,055 --> 00:10:02,018
Lisa Simpson created
this "social network"
200
00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:05,104
because she had no friends.
201
00:10:05,187 --> 00:10:07,523
No, that is not true. I...
202
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:08,941
May I remind you
you're under oath?
203
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:10,735
All right already.
204
00:10:10,818 --> 00:10:11,861
I had no friends.
205
00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:15,698
With a attitude like that,
I wouldn't be her friend.
206
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:18,534
Life is too dang short.
207
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:21,621
So, since I had no friends,
I assembled a motley crew
208
00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:24,874
of the friendless to help me
construct my social network.
209
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:27,043
Did we become friends?
No.
210
00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:29,253
(overlapping chatter)
211
00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:35,051
As the CEO of SpringFace,
I want you all to have fun
212
00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:36,552
as you write source code
213
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,387
until you fall asleep
at your consoles.
214
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:39,639
-(all agreeing)
-Delightful.
215
00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:43,267
Here's my favorite
computer game: Angry Nerds.
216
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:45,186
(squawks)
217
00:10:45,269 --> 00:10:46,646
(all snorting like pigs)
218
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:50,900
Nelson, is there any way
I could be your friend?
219
00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:53,277
The only way
I would be your friend
220
00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:55,988
is if I could click a box
under your picture saying
221
00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:58,574
"Accept friendship request from."
222
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,994
Nelson, you've just given us
the template for our site.
223
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:04,497
I don't care.
224
00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:05,498
(grunts)
225
00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:07,333
(clatter like bowling pins)
226
00:11:07,416 --> 00:11:09,543
(groans)
227
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:13,047
If we don't move,
his odds of getting us both
228
00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:15,424
are 374 to one.
229
00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:18,344
Ooh-oo-ooh, ooh.
230
00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:20,596
(grunts)
Bye.
231
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,182
(keyboards clatter)
232
00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:24,892
Now, to skip ahead,
233
00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:28,104
your diabolical plan
was an instant success.
234
00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:30,356
I never said it was diabolical.
235
00:11:30,439 --> 00:11:32,024
Withdrawn.
236
00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:35,778
This social network
quickly unified
237
00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:39,448
the disparate children
of Springfield Unified.
238
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:42,535
Oh, I just got invited
to make out with Shauna.
239
00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:43,703
See?
240
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:46,288
That went out to 200 guys.
241
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:47,540
(groans)
242
00:11:47,623 --> 00:11:49,041
And seven girls.
243
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:50,376
(brightly)
Oh...
244
00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:52,128
Santa's Little Helper's friends
245
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:54,130
with Snowball Two?
246
00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:55,715
Now I've seen everything.
247
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:59,051
Ha, all my friends
have birthdays this year.
248
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:00,219
(typing)
249
00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:01,637
(click)
250
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,973
(chuckles)
I just un-friended Skinner
251
00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:06,308
Doggone it.
I'm less popular
252
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:08,144
than the hornet's nest
in the gym.
253
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:10,229
You said you were
getting rid of that nest.
254
00:12:10,312 --> 00:12:12,690
We trade the honey
for chalk and yardsticks.
255
00:12:12,773 --> 00:12:13,649
Hornets make honey?
256
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,943
Better than wasp honey,
not as good as bee.
257
00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:17,695
Is this how
you talk on dates?
258
00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:19,488
I wish my dates
were this interesting.
259
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:21,991
Hit refresh.
260
00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:23,242
-(click)
-Hit refresh.
261
00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:25,244
(gasps)
I have a thousand friends.
262
00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:27,496
And only eight
of them are Milhouse.
263
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:28,998
A thousand kids?
264
00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:31,125
If you could get each of them
to send you a dollar,
265
00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:32,251
you'd be a millionaire.
266
00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:34,962
Well, it's not just
kids using SpringFace,
267
00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:37,423
it's moms like me, Marge.
268
00:12:37,506 --> 00:12:40,050
Wait a minute,
grown-ups are on this?
269
00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:41,677
Yeah, look.
270
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,894
We've got to thank you, kiddo.
271
00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:52,521
We've gotten so much more
action since we signed up
272
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,273
and used this picture
of ourselves.
273
00:12:54,356 --> 00:12:55,524
(raspy chuckling)
274
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:56,859
-That's not you.
-You can see
275
00:12:56,942 --> 00:13:00,279
our reflection
in the sunglasses.
276
00:13:00,362 --> 00:13:02,114
(chuckling)
277
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:05,701
Wow, I've created something
incredibly popular.
278
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,119
And I've created something
279
00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:09,371
that created something
incredibly popular.
280
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,332
And I created
an alcoholic hippo.
281
00:13:11,415 --> 00:13:12,875
You never showed it to me.
282
00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:15,002
A stupid alcoholic hippo.
283
00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:17,630
-I still want to see it.
-There is no hippo.
284
00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:18,923
Then why did you say it?
285
00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:20,800
'Cause you're the hippo.
286
00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:22,009
Are you just saying that
287
00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:23,511
'cause you don't want me
to see the hippo?
288
00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:25,638
I don't have a hippo!
289
00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:32,269
And so, this so-called
"SpringFace"
290
00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:34,980
spread from the world
of children to adults.
291
00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:37,942
Man, this Web site
makes talking drunk
292
00:13:38,025 --> 00:13:40,069
to my wife so much safer.
293
00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:42,738
I am sitting here...
294
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:45,282
zero sheets to the wind...
295
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:46,909
(sneaky chuckle)
296
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:49,245
HOMER: ...counting the moments
to closing time
297
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,413
when I can stumble home to you.
298
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,082
Another round, Moe.
299
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:54,750
Uh-oh, did I type that?
300
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,418
Delete! Delete!
301
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:59,088
Hmm, typing "delete"
does not delete.
302
00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:00,339
(puzzled groan)
303
00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:04,301
It is gratifying to see
all of you bowing in prayer,
304
00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:07,972
the light of God
shining on your faces.
305
00:14:08,055 --> 00:14:12,059
Uh-oh, Bernice Hibbert keeps
"liking" Bumblebee Man's posts.
306
00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:15,020
That's how it starts.
Tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk.
307
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:18,232
Why did I make this church
a Wi-Fi hotspot?
308
00:14:18,315 --> 00:14:21,026
(groans)
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
309
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:24,113
Let's see, which Muppet am I?
310
00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:25,489
Beaker?
311
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:27,116
Hm, I guess that's fair.
312
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:28,993
Friend, friend,
313
00:14:29,076 --> 00:14:31,161
awaiting reply, friend...
314
00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:32,454
Sherri? Terri?
315
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:33,831
Hopscotch?
316
00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:35,708
Double Dutch?
Ringolivio?
317
00:14:35,791 --> 00:14:38,335
Anyone?
318
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:43,132
Oh, I have a thousand friends,
319
00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:45,009
and I feel more alone than ever.
320
00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:46,260
Whee!
321
00:14:46,343 --> 00:14:48,429
I am trying
to set a mood here.
322
00:14:48,512 --> 00:14:49,805
(somberly)
Whee.
323
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,724
So, to sum up,
324
00:14:51,807 --> 00:14:53,392
Lisa's social network
325
00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:56,270
turned into the biggest
Internet failure since...
326
00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:58,397
(chuckles)
Well, there've been so many.
327
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,065
"Ask Jeeves," anyone?
328
00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:02,860
(raucous laughter)
329
00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:15,414
(horse neighs)
330
00:15:21,503 --> 00:15:25,174
And so SpringFace became
too big to control,
331
00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:28,677
just like the 60-foot baby
in my self-published novel,
332
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,012
The 60 Ft. Baby.
333
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:32,222
Order it online now,
while you can still cheat
334
00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:34,058
the government on sales tax.
335
00:15:34,141 --> 00:15:36,518
(clears throat)
As I was saying,
336
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:39,688
SpringFace was used
in ways I never expected.
337
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,440
(typing)
338
00:15:41,523 --> 00:15:43,943
(video game gunfire)
339
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:46,946
Thanks for SpringFacing me
your head cleaver, Bart.
340
00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:48,906
(screaming)
341
00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:50,699
(magazine reloading)
342
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:51,700
(gunfire)
343
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,285
(screaming)
344
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:55,871
Check this out: I'm hiding
a bomb in this pile of corpses,
345
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,665
so when Kearney
loots their ammo,
346
00:15:57,748 --> 00:15:59,750
he gets a face full
of ass shrapnel.
347
00:15:59,833 --> 00:16:01,168
(explosion)
348
00:16:01,251 --> 00:16:03,045
Damn, I got ass-shrapped!
349
00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:04,380
(groans)
350
00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:07,883
(tires squealing)
351
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,176
What the...?!
352
00:16:09,259 --> 00:16:11,095
That idiot cut me off.
353
00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:12,596
(camera clicks)
I'm gonna run his plates,
354
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:16,225
find out who he is, then change
his SpringFace profile picture
355
00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:17,810
to a shot of a monkey.
356
00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:19,228
(chuckles)
Get that, Marge?
357
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:20,771
A monkey!
358
00:16:20,854 --> 00:16:22,982
-Homer, watch the road.
-Right.
359
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:26,026
Status update: Homer...
is... watching... the...
360
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:26,986
(shrieks)
361
00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:28,737
(tires screeching, thud)
362
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,155
(tires squealing, crashing)
363
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,074
(metal crunching)
364
00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:34,243
(trolley bell dings)
365
00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:36,203
Dislike! Dislike!
366
00:16:36,286 --> 00:16:38,414
-(thud)
-(sirens wail)
367
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,336
(sirens wailing,
tires squealing)
368
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:46,880
(tires screeching,
cars crashing, glass shattering)
369
00:16:47,589 --> 00:16:48,924
Somebody call 911!
370
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,510
I don't know how to use
the phone on my phone.
371
00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:55,139
Hey, did you guys get
my picture of the fire?
372
00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:56,348
Yeah, I did;
nice grab.
373
00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:58,934
-I didn't get it yet.
-Yeah, funny how that works.
374
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:02,021
Lisa Simpson,
can you give us any reason
375
00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:05,607
why the city should not force
you to shut down your site?
376
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:08,986
I know it's awful and insular
377
00:17:09,069 --> 00:17:12,364
and caused 35 deaths,
but I had friends.
378
00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:14,616
Four digits of friends!
379
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:17,286
I had a friend in common
with Malcolm Gladwell.
380
00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:19,121
He friends everybody.
381
00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:21,540
Fine.
I'll shut down the site.
382
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:28,547
♪ When you were here before ♪
383
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:31,008
♪ Couldn't look you in the eye ♪
384
00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:33,302
Time to get a life.
385
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:40,392
♪ You're just like an angel ♪
386
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:43,687
♪ Your skin makes me cry ♪
387
00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:46,065
(imitating guns firing)
388
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:48,108
We don't need your
crummy website.
389
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:49,943
We can make
anything into guns.
390
00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:51,528
(imitating guns shooting)
391
00:17:52,362 --> 00:17:55,157
JANEY:
Lisa. Lisa!
392
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,534
Want to play Marco Polo
with us?
393
00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:59,745
We just realized you don't
have to play in a pool.
394
00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:01,080
You really want me?
395
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:03,582
(sarcastically)
No. We want your Dad.
396
00:18:03,665 --> 00:18:06,335
Marco.
Come on, Lisa.
397
00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:11,673
-Polo!
-Fish out of water.
398
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:14,843
(laughter)
399
00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:23,268
{\an8}♪ When you were here before ♪
400
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:28,107
{\an8}♪ Couldn't look you in the eye ♪
401
00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:33,946
{\an8}♪ You're just like an angel ♪
402
00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:39,326
Hey, Winklevosses.
403
00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:41,578
You're gonna lose yet again.
404
00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:43,914
You should see
the expression on your faces.
405
00:18:43,997 --> 00:18:45,290
Oh, wait, you can.
406
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:47,084
They're fat, they smoke,
407
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:48,877
they started
training a week ago.
408
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,170
Why can't we pull away?
409
00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:51,922
Because we can't
stop concentrating
410
00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:53,924
on that $65 million
Facebook settlement,
411
00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:55,551
which somehow wasn't
enough for us.
412
00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:57,469
Even though we were rich
in the first place.
413
00:18:57,553 --> 00:19:00,430
(grunts)
So long, you big babies!
414
00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:02,307
Hope you like
the taste of silver!
415
00:19:02,391 --> 00:19:04,810
Help us, Larry Summers!
416
00:19:04,893 --> 00:19:07,437
Come on, Wonder twin!
417
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:09,565
Pull!
418
00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:22,244
NARRATOR: And now, for a Simpsons
"Show's Too Short" story.
419
00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:24,913
(thunderclap, bat screeching)
420
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:28,167
Once there was
a young rascal named Bart.
421
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:32,671
This lad was trouble
from the very start.
422
00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:38,427
When it came to mischief,
he had a black thumb.
423
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:42,264
It didn't hurt
that his daddy was dumb.
424
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:44,933
And when it came
to best friends,
425
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:46,768
it was Milhouse who picked him.
426
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:52,524
Sometimes the sidekick,
sometimes the victim.
427
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:56,695
Then one day
at school engulfed in ennui,
428
00:19:56,778 --> 00:20:00,616
Bart dreamed of wrapping
the place in T.P.
429
00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:04,036
So off to the discount store
they did skulk.
430
00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:07,789
With the evil intent
of buying in bulk.
431
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:11,210
They went to the school
and put up a ladder.
432
00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:14,546
Only to wait
for Milhouse's bladder.
433
00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:20,552
All that evening
they unfurled with delight.
434
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:23,889
And soon the school
was covered in white.
435
00:20:23,972 --> 00:20:27,392
The mischievous boys
had done their best.
436
00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:29,978
When an eagle approached,
needing a nest.
437
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:34,858
They tried to escape
with struggles and squirms.
438
00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:39,446
But all they got
was a diet of worms.
439
00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:42,824
There they remained
to this very day.
440
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:45,744
So now you know,
pranks do not pay.
441
00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:48,288
Simpson!
442
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:57,965
{\an8}(The Simpsons theme
performed by The Tiger Lillies)
443
00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:33,750
-(song ends)
-Shh!
444
00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:40,007
{\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay