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CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
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(screams)
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(exclaiming)
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(school bell ringing)
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(Barney belches)
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(whistle blows)
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(yells)
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(playing the blues)
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(tires screeching)
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D'oh!
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(grunts)
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{\an8}This is Kent Brockman at the 1st
Annual Springfield Grand Prix,
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{\an8}which, like all our town showcase events,
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{\an8}is not only poorly planned,
it's horribly executed.
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{\an8}(horns honking)
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{\an8}BURNS: The Making
of the Empire State Building,
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{\an8}Part One: The Basement.
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{\an8}(horns beeping)
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{\an8}(gibbering)
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{\an8}(cat screeching)
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{\an8}(tires screeching)
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{\an8}(screaming)
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{\an8}ALL: Aw!
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{\an8}Wait for the gap... Wait for the gap.
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{\an8}Homer, we can buy Scotch tape tomorrow.
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{\an8}There's the gap!
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{\an8}(all screaming)
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{\an8}Gap's too small!
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{\an8}-(screaming)
-LISA: Huh?
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{\an8}A peloton?
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{\an8}Apparently, today is also the final stage
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{\an8}of the Tour De Springfield bike race.
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{\an8}Hey, that's some fancy riding.
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{\an8}(clattering)
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{\an8}(yelling, grunting)
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{\an8}Truthfully, today, there were
no losers and no winners
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{\an8}since both finish lines were
tangled up in this unholy mess.
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{\an8}-(tapping)
-I hear tapping from inside.
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{\an8}-(murmuring)
-What's goin' on?
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{\an8}Well, uh, let's, uh,
all start tapping our toes
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{\an8}to the sounds of Scab Calloway
and his non-union band.
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{\an8}(tapping)
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{\an8}Uh, keep it down in there.
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{\an8}(Taser crackling)
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{\an8}(dance music plays)
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{\an8}So, is this a "date" date or
just a meaningless friend thing?
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{\an8}-Meaningless friend thing.
-True love super date!
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{\an8}Well, if you two ever get
serious and have a baby,
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{\an8}it'll look something like this.
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{\an8}Don't listen to Uncle Bart.
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{\an8}Lisa and I will raise you
in a house of love.
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{\an8}We're not having a baby.
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{\an8}Jimmy!
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{\an8}Oh, brother. Let's dance.
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{\an8}Geek leak!
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{\an8}(laughing)
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{\an8}Hey, Bart, at least I've got a date.
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{\an8}Dance with me, please.
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{\an8}I need to zing my sister.
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{\an8}Okay, but you have to do your homework.
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{\an8}Just kidding. I've given up on that.
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{\an8}Just move your girdle, Yertle.
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{\an8}Hey, Lise, your dance partner
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{\an8}just made the cover of
Dorks Illustrated magazine.
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{\an8}I know that's a zing, but still...
the cover!
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{\an8}Now, you listen to me, Bart.
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{\an8}Milhouse may not be the perfect date.
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{\an8}Please let there be a "but"
coming, please!
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{\an8}-But...
-Landed it!
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{\an8}At least I'm with someone
who tries a little too hard
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{\an8}because he really likes me.
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{\an8}Hey, plenty of babes have docked
in Porta de Barto.
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{\an8}Yeah, for about a week.
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{\an8}But as soon as they
get to know the real you,
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{\an8}they departo de Barto.
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{\an8}That's why you're alone tonight.
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{\an8}Oh, my God, is that true?
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{\an8}MOE:
Yeah, I'm afraid Lisa's right, son.
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{\an8}If the late, great Nora Ephron
taught us anything, it's...
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{\an8}Oh! What's my other
inflatable doll doing here?
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What? What?
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I ain't here with no one.
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Oh, man, Lisa's right.
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None of these relationships
lasted very long.
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Three days. One recess.
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Half a field trip.
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Why did I have to get so needy
at the planetarium?
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Boy, if anyone needs me,
I'll be taking a popcorn bath.
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It's a thing I read about in
a Men's Health magazine
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in a dream.
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Dad, can I ask you a question?
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00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:10,476
How did you ever get a woman
like Mom to stay with you?
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(scoffs) Look in the mirror,
unplanned miracle.
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Is that the only reason?
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Well, I also keep things interesting.
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MARGE:
All right, who took the microwave?
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(laughing) You see?
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Hey, what are you looking at?
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My ex-girlfriends.
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Aw, boy, I feel for you.
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Nobody likes to be rejected,
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and it never gets easier,
until you can drink.
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Because then you can express
your unfiltered feelings
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by drunk dialing.
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Observe.
(slurring) Hey, it's me again.
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He's there, isn't he?
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Well, I hope this doesn't sound weird,
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but I'm inside your closet.
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Um, that's awesome, but I think
I'll visit my ex-girlfriends
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and prove they still like me.
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(cell phone rings)
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HOMER: Hey. It's me.
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I was thinking about you.
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It's your birthday in like,
three, four months?
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Would it be weird
if I threw you a party?
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(knocking)
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Eat my shorts!
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Drop dead.
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Eat fist, jerk.
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You've got a lot of nerve
showing up here...
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and not giving me a kiss.
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Inappropriate!
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I miss you.
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Stalker!
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Save me.
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(rooster crowing)
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Mary Spuckler,
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you're my last chance.
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She's pretty cute for Cletus's daughter.
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Yeah, she liked to drink milk
as a kid instead of white paint.
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Is you one of my kids?
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No, sir.
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Prove it.
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A, B, C...
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All right. All right.
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You convinced me, Einstein.
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-What you want?
-Is Mary here?
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I'm afraid Mary done run off.
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We knows not where.
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Dadgummit.
Do you think she still likes me?
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Um, hey, Brandine!
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Does Mary still like this boy?
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I don't know
what that girl likes anymore.
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She ran away after we engaged
her to Old Man Wellbottom.
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WELLBOTTOM: And I was gonna be
a good husband, too!
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If'n I ever get out of this well.
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All right. All right now.
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-That's enough out of you.
-WELLBOTTOM: But I just--
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Oh, I can't believe she ran away.
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And this isn't helping.
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I better switch to the hard stuff.
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Hey, Dubya.
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I know where my sister run off to.
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New York City.
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New York?
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That's where Sesame Street is.
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Do you ever wonder what happens
to Oscar on garbage day?
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Yup, New York.
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The big something.
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This here's her address.
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Good luck!
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I don't know if we
should be up here, Bart Simpson.
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BART: And why is that?
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(wood cracks, Bart yells)
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'Cause the floor ain't finished.
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Daddy just covers things with
hay and says they're done.
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Mom, can we go to New York
to find this girl I used to know?
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Bart, that's sweet,
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but we'd need
airplane money, hotel money...
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00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:11,908
And $500 for Yankee tickets,
which turn out to be bogus.
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00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,618
Well, don't buy 'em.
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00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:15,620
But they're playing the Purple Sox.
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Come on, Dad, you love New York.
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00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:19,999
Now, that your two
least favorite buildings
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have been obliterated:
Old Penn Station and Shea Stadium.
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Lousy, outdated relics!
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Boy, do you remember what happened
the last time we went to New York?
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(cool jazz playing)
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Keep your meat hooks off
my sister Marge or my goons
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will do a soft shoe on your solar plexus.
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You're dead, J.J. Get yourself buried.
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Tough cookie, huh?
Well, watch me take a bite out of ya.
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I'm about to go owl shooting,
and you just said who.
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That's some lip you got on you.
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00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,693
How'd you like me to stretch it like a
rubber band and snap you into last week?
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00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:51,239
You're selling milk, J.J.,
and I got a sour stomach.
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00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:56,577
Homer, that sounds like
The Sweet Smell of Success.
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It didn't feel like success.
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Why, ladies? Why?!
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00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:08,798
Son, you can dial down the crazy.
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00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:10,091
Your mother and I talked about it,
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and we found a way to get to New York.
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00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:13,928
It's all set, boy.
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00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:16,806
To save money, we're swapping houses.
195
00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:19,475
But don't the people wreck
your house when they stay in it?
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00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,435
I didn't say I swapped our house.
197
00:09:22,770 --> 00:09:25,106
Yeah, how ya doing?
We're staying here for two weeks.
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00:09:25,189 --> 00:09:27,525
Lord, you're testing me, aren't you?
199
00:09:27,608 --> 00:09:28,901
Yeah, keep talking
to your friend up there.
200
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,319
We'll be doing it on your bed.
201
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,029
New York style.
202
00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:45,835
Look at this place.
203
00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:47,086
Things have certainly changed
204
00:09:47,169 --> 00:09:49,672
since our ancestor Fievel came here.
205
00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:51,340
Fievel was a mouse in a movie.
206
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:53,467
Yes, and now look at us.
207
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:55,052
Only in America.
208
00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:57,722
MAN:
Khlav Kalash! Get your Khlav Kalash!
209
00:09:57,805 --> 00:10:01,058
Oh, geez, not this guy
with his stupid little pushcart.
210
00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:04,061
50,000 square feet, huh?
All Khlav Kalash!
211
00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:06,188
Used to be bookstore. (laughs)
212
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:07,398
Books.
213
00:10:07,481 --> 00:10:11,027
Come on, let's go find Mary.
This is the address her brother gave me.
214
00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:13,696
Can't Dad take Bart
while we seek out culture?
215
00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:15,323
You do that.
216
00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:18,159
Do you know you're missing your clothes?
217
00:10:18,242 --> 00:10:19,702
I thought this was just a dream.
218
00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:21,454
Oh, man!
219
00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:31,964
All right, I'll spring for a cab.
220
00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:33,299
Much better.
221
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:36,385
CABBIE: Here we are.
222
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:39,055
Anything you leave in a cab
you'll never see again.
223
00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:42,475
(snoring quietly)
224
00:10:43,684 --> 00:10:44,935
Hey!
225
00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:47,647
Oh, uh, oh, thank God you woke up.
226
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:50,149
(doorbell buzzing)
227
00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:56,322
Oh, I guess my search
for true love is doomed.
228
00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:58,824
You've learned a very
valuable life lesson, boy.
229
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:00,993
Which is that love doesn't exist,
230
00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:04,580
except briefly between a man
and a woman before marriage.
231
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,750
After that, it's just hanging out
with someone who kind of
232
00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:10,586
hates you but you can't get it
together to leave.
233
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,255
I'll get us some ice cream.
234
00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:17,468
What's the matter, darling?
235
00:11:17,551 --> 00:11:19,428
Thanks for asking, Duchess.
236
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:22,431
I'm sitting here waiting for
a girl that's never gonna show up.
237
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:25,017
-What makes you so sure?
-Girls don't like me.
238
00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:27,561
I don't really like them yet either,
but I think I'm gonna.
239
00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:29,438
There's a storm a-brewing down there.
240
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:32,066
Well, there's a girl
a-standin' right here.
241
00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:33,442
It's me, Mary.
242
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:36,112
Wow, what are you doing for money?
243
00:11:36,195 --> 00:11:39,615
Well, it's not very steady,
and I'm kind of ashamed.
244
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,784
I'm a featured player
on Saturday Night Live.
245
00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:44,537
DON PARDO: Mary Spuckler!
246
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:46,330
Aw, I'm lying.
247
00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:48,416
My whole life here is a bunch of lies.
248
00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:50,543
I'm just a writer
with a performing option.
249
00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:53,129
Let's talk about something else.
250
00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:55,256
Something nice.
251
00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:00,594
So, this is basically what we can afford.
252
00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:03,681
Okay, second balcony,
partially obstructed view,
253
00:12:03,764 --> 00:12:05,808
no bathroom privileges,
and you must stipulate that,
254
00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:08,144
in emergencies,
you can change a spotlight gel.
255
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:11,147
Well, at least I'll be able to say
I went to a Broadway show.
256
00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:12,523
You're not allowed to say that.
257
00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:14,400
Oh, forget it.
258
00:12:14,483 --> 00:12:17,903
So, Bart Simpson, did you really come
259
00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:19,864
all the way here just to see me?
260
00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:21,824
Yeah. Plus, I thought I might get
261
00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:23,534
to see an air conditioner
fall on someone's head.
262
00:12:23,617 --> 00:12:24,869
But I guess that never really...
263
00:12:24,952 --> 00:12:26,162
HOMER: D'oh! Ow!
264
00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:27,955
-Is that your father?
-HOMER: What was that?
265
00:12:28,038 --> 00:12:29,749
Bart, I want to see you again,
266
00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:32,084
but I don't want
a grownup taking me back.
267
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:34,712
Meet me at the high line tomorrow.
268
00:12:34,795 --> 00:12:36,589
Keep my secret!
269
00:12:36,672 --> 00:12:38,340
You little!
270
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:40,259
Where's that ice cream?!
271
00:12:40,342 --> 00:12:42,261
Just once, I'd like your father
272
00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:44,555
to be on a jumbotron for something good.
273
00:12:44,638 --> 00:12:46,599
HOMER:
Damn you and your fluted neck!
274
00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:54,356
So, what did you do with your dad?
275
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:57,151
We're safe because you have
to climb steps to get up here.
276
00:12:57,234 --> 00:12:59,111
(Homer groans)
277
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,906
-Can't move?
-No.
278
00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:05,868
I thought there was no crime
in New York anymore.
279
00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:08,579
Giuliani!
280
00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:10,623
Gimme some news of Springfield.
281
00:13:10,706 --> 00:13:12,583
They let Sideshow Bob
out of prison again.
282
00:13:12,666 --> 00:13:14,418
(train horn blows)
283
00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:17,129
Huh, didn't know they
still ran those trains.
284
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:18,756
How's your momma and your sister?
285
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:20,841
Trying to find high culture
at low prices.
286
00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:22,510
No, Lisa!
287
00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:25,721
If you click that turnstile,
it'll blow our budget!
288
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,348
-Aah!
-Whaah!
289
00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:29,934
Well, without them around,
290
00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:32,394
you and I can walk through
the city holding hands,
291
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:33,896
just like the menfolk do.
292
00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:35,773
I could listen to your twang all day.
293
00:13:35,856 --> 00:13:37,650
Would you care to hear it in song?
294
00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:39,109
'Cause I wrote one 'bout you.
295
00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:40,694
Can I do a rap in the middle of it?
296
00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:42,488
Or you could just listen.
297
00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:45,658
Sir, may I borrow your guitar?
298
00:13:45,741 --> 00:13:47,993
Sure, sure. It's the case
that makes money.
299
00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:57,545
♪ A boy I knew turned up again ♪
300
00:13:57,628 --> 00:14:00,798
♪ Kind of liked him way back when ♪
301
00:14:00,881 --> 00:14:04,343
♪ Chased him round
the livestock bend... ♪
302
00:14:04,426 --> 00:14:06,887
(rapping) Rolling on my skateboard,
pimping like a drug lord...
303
00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:09,640
♪ Well I'm on the cusp of womanhood ♪
304
00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:11,350
♪ And I like a boy ♪
305
00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:13,394
♪ That ain't no good at nothin' ♪
306
00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:16,021
♪ 'Cept making me smile ♪
307
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:17,815
♪ That's Bart ♪
308
00:14:17,898 --> 00:14:20,985
♪ I thought my old ways I had shed ♪
309
00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:23,320
♪ But I sure missed his cylinder head ♪
310
00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:27,032
♪ Now that boy
has a-come to me, oh, yes ♪
311
00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:31,996
♪ B-A-R, now where's that T? ♪
312
00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:34,498
♪ Where is it? I don't know ♪
313
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:39,086
♪ Oh, that's Bart ♪
314
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:42,214
I really like you, Bart Simpson.
315
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:48,429
-I've come to take you back, Mary.
-Daddy?
316
00:14:48,512 --> 00:14:52,766
Sorry, honey, your mother misses you,
but she just can't say it.
317
00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:55,311
That's 'cause the donkey busted her jaw.
318
00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:57,855
She'll be fine. Your mother too.
319
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,904
All right, Broadway's too expensive,
320
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:06,697
the museums are over-curated,
321
00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:08,449
but Shakespeare in the Park is tonight
322
00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:09,992
and the tickets are free.
323
00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:21,378
(sighs)
324
00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:26,884
Get your cuckold's horns,
neck ruffles, Yorik skulls!
325
00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:28,761
I'll take a cuckold's horn!
326
00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:34,558
It works!
327
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:36,894
Ladies and gentlemen,
I have an announcement.
328
00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:40,564
Lad-ies and gen-tle-men,
I have an an-nounce-ment--
329
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:43,150
(gasps) That's not iambic pentameter!
330
00:15:43,233 --> 00:15:45,569
I'm afraid that tonight's
show has been cancelled.
331
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:47,279
-Why?
-Wherefore?
332
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:50,532
The Baldwin brothers, who were,
uh, playing the Montague family
333
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:53,452
and the Sheen/Estevez clan,
our Capulets, have quit the production.
334
00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:56,038
You guys suck at acting and you
ate all the potato salad.
335
00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:58,749
No, you suck at acting
and it's first come, first serve!
336
00:15:58,832 --> 00:16:00,209
I made that potato salad!
337
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:02,878
Well, uh, idiot, it says
Zaybar's on the package!
338
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,505
He works at Zaybar's.
339
00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:06,006
We all work at Zaybar's.
340
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,967
I'm so sorry.
341
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:10,469
You came to see Romeo and Juliet,
not feuding families.
342
00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:13,430
Uh, the long, slow line to leave
the theatre forms on the left.
343
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:14,974
(crowd grumbling)
344
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:17,643
Aw, and we have to walk by a drum circle!
345
00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:21,355
Faster, man! More annoying!
346
00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:23,399
Not so fast!
347
00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:26,110
We came for Shakespeare
and we're gonna see Shakespeare.
348
00:16:26,193 --> 00:16:27,861
Anyone who wants to be in this,
349
00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:29,989
grab a doublet and meet me backstage!
350
00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:32,825
Is there, mayhaps,
a bit of business for me?
351
00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:34,910
I was thinking amateurs only.
352
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:37,955
Well,
my only professional job was playing
353
00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:40,874
a nefarious hot dog
in an ad for Taco Bueno.
354
00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:44,044
(sniffs)
You fresh-made tacos will never
355
00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:45,838
defeat pre-boiled hot dogs!
356
00:16:45,921 --> 00:16:47,131
(laughing)
357
00:16:47,214 --> 00:16:51,260
Please, I owe Yale Drama School $200,000.
358
00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:53,971
-They keep calling my mother.
-Fine! You're in.
359
00:16:54,054 --> 00:16:56,765
I must warn you,
I have crippling stage fright.
360
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,642
Oh, for the love of God!
361
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:04,314
MARGE:
For never was a story of more woe
362
00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:07,401
than this of Juliet and her Romeo.
363
00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:11,405
Our search for culture is thus concluded,
364
00:17:11,488 --> 00:17:14,241
For the Bard of Avon is well suited
365
00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:16,910
to a crowd with every cell phone muted.
366
00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:19,663
Geez, I can't stop talking like this.
367
00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:21,290
Hey, don't ever stop!
368
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:24,043
Because, tonight,
we made it in New York.
369
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:26,003
Those the people
who took over the theatre?
370
00:17:26,086 --> 00:17:29,048
Pepper spray and power wash--
the New York hug and kiss.
371
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,924
(Marge screams)
372
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:38,182
Now, Mary, you listen to me.
373
00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:40,851
I'm one-third your father,
and you're gonna come back.
374
00:17:40,934 --> 00:17:42,352
If y'all will excuse me,
375
00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:44,980
I gotta freshen up for the ride home.
376
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:49,026
Enjoy your fancy-schmancy
in-house for the last time.
377
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:52,279
Psst!
378
00:17:52,362 --> 00:17:54,948
-Um, I've got to go.
-Go where?
379
00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:57,034
Uh, well, since we're here,
380
00:17:57,117 --> 00:17:59,119
I'm gonna go try to get
Al Roker's autograph.
381
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:02,706
Here you go, little fan.
Killer storm on the way.
382
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:06,001
(nervous laugh)
Um, I gonna go try to sell this.
383
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,377
I'll buy it back.
384
00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:08,378
(groans)
385
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:13,467
Goodbye, Bart, and don't worry,
386
00:18:13,550 --> 00:18:15,219
there'll be other Mary Spucklers,
387
00:18:15,302 --> 00:18:19,848
including my sisters Mary Zeke
and Mary Not Quite Right.
388
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:21,308
CROWD: Aw!
389
00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:27,439
(train horn blows)
390
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:30,567
Bart, if any girl tries
to fix you, let 'em,
391
00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:32,694
because you got a couple
of big problems.
392
00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:35,072
But mostly, you're great!
393
00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:42,579
-Boy, you tell me where Mary's gone!
-I can't.
394
00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:46,375
Boy, you squeal like a piggy
for the hillbilly man.
395
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:49,586
I can't because Mary's the girl
that proves that girls can like me.
396
00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:51,797
And she wouldn't like me
anymore if I gave her up.
397
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,800
So I won't, even if you torture me
like you do the English language.
398
00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:57,678
Well, if that ain't aren't the isn't.
399
00:18:57,761 --> 00:19:02,057
(sighs) I guess I just gotta let Mary
find her own way.
400
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,893
Come on, let's head on back
to Springfield.
401
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:08,814
Uh, one on-getter
for the clickity clack, please.
402
00:19:13,777 --> 00:19:15,821
You miss her, don't you, son?
403
00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:19,658
You want a picture of her
for your wallet?
404
00:19:19,741 --> 00:19:23,162
Oh, she's somewhere in B-3.
405
00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:25,247
Thanks, man.
406
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:27,040
Aw, look at that.
407
00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:29,585
My little guy's finally realizing
408
00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:32,713
how complicated
grownup feelings can be.
409
00:19:32,796 --> 00:19:35,716
Well, at least it didn't end
as bad as Romeo and Juliet.
410
00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:38,594
No kidding. I saw your reviews.
411
00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:40,262
-(snickering)
-Hey!
412
00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:41,847
I specifically said no critics!
413
00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:43,724
This is outrageous!
414
00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:46,101
(gasps)
Ooh, but they like me.
415
00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:54,943
I hope you enjoyed the show tonight.
416
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:57,112
And if you're worried about
when the air conditioner
417
00:19:57,196 --> 00:20:00,282
fell on my head,
rest assured it was a stunt man,
418
00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:03,285
and his family is being
well taken care of.
419
00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:07,164
But we're here to ask if you
have an idea for a couch gag.
420
00:20:07,247 --> 00:20:10,000
The best submission will be
animated and appear on the show.
421
00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:12,294
Do we screw them on the credit?
422
00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:16,798
No! For details,
log on to TheSimpsons.com.
423
00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:18,217
I'm submitting mine now.
424
00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:21,553
(all laughing)
425
00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:09,935
{\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay