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00:00:02,961 --> 00:00:06,214
<i>-CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>
-Whoa!

2
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:11,052
(sneezes)

3
00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:16,433
HOMER: Hmm?

4
00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:20,854
Our first anniversary.

5
00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:23,314
And we're more in love than ever.

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00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:26,443
In your face, people who said
it wouldn't last a year!

7
00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:28,820
I stand by my wedding toast.

8
00:00:28,903 --> 00:00:31,448
Let's just enjoy our happiness, Homie.

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Accidental motherhood
is the greatest thing

10
00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:34,993
that can happen to a woman.

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And I think Bart's finally
outgrown his misbehavior.

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00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:39,789
(Homer shrieks)

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(shrieks)

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(grunting)

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(pop)

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{\an8}Oops, better clean that off.

17
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{\an8}(humming)

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{\an8}You have a great day, ma'am.

19
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{\an8}(sighs)

20
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{\an8}Wish I could get a little
of that attention.

21
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:02,937
{\an8}D'oh!

22
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{\an8}Hey, Simpsons.
Don't mean to be a pesto,

23
00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,275
{\an8}but I'll be happy to watch
your scampi shrimp.

24
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{\an8}Aw, thanks, Flanders.

25
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{\an8}Got to warn you, he doesn't talk much.

26
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{\an8}Daddy.

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{\an8}(groans) He's not your daddy.

28
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{\an8}Nice daddy.

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{\an8}Moustache daddy.

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{\an8}Good daddy no yell.

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{\an8}-(grunts)
-Fat daddy smell like beer.

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{\an8}I'll teach you to speak
in complete sentences.

33
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{\an8}But first, m'lady,
let me escort you to Heaven.

34
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{\an8}The fancy Swiss chocolate store
on level three.

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{\an8}Oh...

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{\an8}Oh, Homer, you're
the anchor store of my heart.

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{\an8}Just call me Borders Books,

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{\an8}'cause I'll always be here.

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{\an8}(theme from <i>Love Story</i> playing)

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{\an8}Haw haw!

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{\an8}His first word.

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{\an8}Oh, Homie, what a wonderful anniversary.

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{\an8}Yep, we've got something money can't buy.

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{\an8}Love on a train.

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{\an8}And I promise each anniversary

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{\an8}will be better and better.

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{\an8}Oh.

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{\an8}They have to get off and get back on.

49
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{\an8}Sometimes you have
to say to hell with rules.

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{\an8}(grunting)

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{\an8}But somehow our anniversaries
didn't get better

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00:02:38,741 --> 00:02:40,201
{\an8}than that first one on the train.

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{\an8}Wait, you named me after a train?

54
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{\an8}Yeah, just like we did with Bart.

55
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{\an8}Anyway, this year, I'm gonna re-create

56
00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:50,378
{\an8}our magical first anniversary,

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{\an8}ending with a romantic ride
on that... (gasps)

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{\an8}Why are you taking away the train?

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{\an8}I'm afraid no one rides it anymore

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{\an8}despite millions in government subsidies.

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{\an8}So we're replacing it
with something that makes money

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{\an8}and sends people to the food court.

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{\an8}Step right up. Medical marijuana.

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00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:11,274
{\an8}You got nausea, my friend?
Everyone's got nausea.

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{\an8}And what is your malady, my son?

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{\an8}Uh, I had one, but I forgot it.

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{\an8}Memory loss!

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{\an8}Could be a brain tumor.

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{\an8}Take this and go see <i>Fantasia.</i>

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{\an8}(Homer moaning sadly)

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{\an8}Kids, I've only had three great ideas--

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{\an8}marrying your mother,
using a hot dog as a straw

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{\an8}and this romantic train ride anniversary.

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{\an8}Sir, I need this train.

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{\an8}Eh, take it home. It's yours.

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{\an8}Are you sure Mom is really gonna want

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{\an8}a rusted-out kiddie train?

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{\an8}She won't see it like this.

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{\an8}I'll make this train look as beautiful

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{\an8}as it did when this mall was young.

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{\an8}Aw, Dad, I just got
a little twinge in my heart.

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{\an8}-Try this.
-You stay away from my kids

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{\an8}unless you're driving them to school!

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{\an8}So, I'm not babysitting tomorrow night?

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Oh, we're still on for tomorrow night.

86
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Dad, do we have to ride like this?

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00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:06,663
Hey, what could be cooler than
a choo-choo with lollipops on it?

88
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Hey, babies-- where you
going in your baby train?

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Babytown?

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Shake it off, kids-- they're just jealous.

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Hey, lardo, where you
going in your lardo car?

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Lardville?

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There's no such place!

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00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:22,136
(laughing)

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Okay. I've entered my billing address,

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00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:29,102
expiration date... and charged.

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00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:31,187
We're back from "Baby Beethovens."

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00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:34,107
(playing Mozart's
"Eine Kleine Nachtmusik")

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00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:36,025
That's Mozart, dummy.

100
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:39,320
Well, thanks for watching Maggie.

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I just ordered Homer's anniversary gift.

102
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Must be tough.

103
00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:45,660
Yeah, what size cuff links
do you get an elephant?

104
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Well, in the first place,
the elephant's cuff links

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would be the same size.

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It's the cuffs that would be bigger.

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As for Homer, I'm getting him a case

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of his favorite snack cakes,
Dolly Madison.

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Marge, this isn't Dolly Madison.

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It's Sassy Madison.

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Trust me, Homer doesn't care
where the cupcakes come from.

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Sassy Madison is a dating site
for married people

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00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:10,768
who are tired of the same old dessert.

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(gasps)

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Check out their webvertisement.

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<i>♪ Kelly was at the end of her wits ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Her husband was truly the pits ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Her relationship spousal ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Had zero arousal ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Then she watched this commercial ♪</i>

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<i>♪ And found herself Herschel ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Thanks to Sassy Madison.com ♪</i>

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{\an8}<i>ANNOUNCER: Sassy Madison.com.</i>

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<i>It's not cheating if you</i>
<i>don't know the person well.</i>

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00:05:45,094 --> 00:05:48,473
I just put all my personal
information on their Web site.

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So now you're gonna get hit on
by every loser in town.

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And this town's got losers like
Mexico has headless corpses.

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So many unhappy men.

129
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How sad.

130
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,905
You've got a lot of fish
wriggling in that net.

131
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Maybe I should get married
so I can date these guys.

132
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:08,951
Selma, cheating is a sin.

133
00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:12,205
As much a sin as not replying
to an instant message.

134
00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:13,748
So, if you'll excuse me,

135
00:06:13,831 --> 00:06:17,502
I've got a lot of sleazy
gentlemen to let down gently.

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00:06:17,585 --> 00:06:18,836
<i>(Sassy Madison commercial jingle playing)</i>

137
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,338
Are you watching the commercial again?

138
00:06:20,421 --> 00:06:22,423
I'm a fan of animation.

139
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:23,925
LOVEJOY: Oh, Lord,

140
00:06:24,008 --> 00:06:26,594
may thy couplings stay forever locked,

141
00:06:26,677 --> 00:06:30,014
and may thy dead man switch
never be used.

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ALL: Amen.

143
00:06:31,432 --> 00:06:32,975
All right, guys, let's get this train

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00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:34,477
fixed up for Homer's anniversary.

145
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,729
But first, start your power tools.

146
00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:43,403
(laughs)

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00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:47,657
{\an8}(sighs)
One more to go, and I'm done.

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00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:49,826
<i>"Dear Horny in Haverbrook:</i>

149
00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:51,786
<i>Sorry. I'm not interested</i>

150
00:06:51,869 --> 00:06:53,704
<i>in cheating on my wonderful husband,</i>

151
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:56,165
<i>who is described in the attached PDF.</i>

152
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,418
<i>Say hello to my trash folder.</i>

153
00:06:58,501 --> 00:06:59,919
<i>Marge Simpson."</i>

154
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:03,214
Hi, Homie!

155
00:07:03,297 --> 00:07:07,218
A crazy thing happened when I was
ordering your anniversary gift.

156
00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:09,804
<i>HOMER: Don't blow the surprise.</i>
<i>Pretend you forgot.</i>

157
00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:12,473
Uh, anniversary? That coming up?

158
00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:14,475
Yes, and it's a big one.

159
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:15,810
Remember?

160
00:07:15,893 --> 00:07:18,938
Marge,
I am focused on this like a laser.

161
00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:20,398
(laughs) "Laser."

162
00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:21,858
That's a funny word.

163
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,609
It's just "loser" with an "A."

164
00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:26,279
And speaking of losers,
I lost my train of thought.

165
00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:29,073
Oh, and speaking of trains,
wait till you see...

166
00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:32,076
(shrieks)
The surprise is safe.

167
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,996
The expression on her face
will be priceless.

168
00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:38,666
(groans)
He forgot our anniversary again?

169
00:07:38,749 --> 00:07:42,295
He remembers the exact number
of pork chops in the freezer.

170
00:07:42,378 --> 00:07:44,088
Currently-- zero.

171
00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:45,715
(humming happily)

172
00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:47,175
-(computer chimes)
-(groans)

173
00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:49,802
One of those cyber smoochers
wrote me back.

174
00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:53,055
{\an8}<i>MAN: Thanks for your note.</i>
<i>You seem way too nice for this site.</i>

175
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:55,475
{\an8}<i>-Why are you here?</i>
-Good question.

176
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:58,227
"I thought I was buying snack cakes."

177
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:01,105
{\an8}<i>That's so cute. Really, really cute.</i>

178
00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:03,149
{\an8}<i>You... you are over 18, right?</i>

179
00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:05,526
"I am, and you seem more interested

180
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,445
in my day than my husband."

181
00:08:07,528 --> 00:08:09,906
{\an8}<i>I know what it's like</i>
<i>not to be listened to.</i>

182
00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:12,074
{\an8}<i>Please ignore every</i>
<i>sensible instinct you have</i>

183
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:13,367
{\an8}<i>and continue this conversation.</i>

184
00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:16,454
{\an8}<i>And by the way, this is my real voice.</i>

185
00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:18,456
(phone rings)

186
00:08:18,539 --> 00:08:19,957
<i>HOMER: Don't worry, Moe.</i>

187
00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:22,460
When Marge is asleep,
I'll sneak back.

188
00:08:22,543 --> 00:08:24,545
Oh, good, the strippers are here.

189
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:27,715
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah!
That is all coming off.

190
00:08:27,798 --> 00:08:29,675
(groans)

191
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:33,304
"Tell me more."

192
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:39,769
(groans)

193
00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:41,896
Homie, I bet you're wondering

194
00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:45,274
why I stayed on
the computer until 4:00 a.m.

195
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,360
Hey, those Yelp reviews
don't write themselves.

196
00:08:47,443 --> 00:08:49,987
Did you know a well-placed
one star can destroy

197
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:52,114
a mom-and-pop hardware in nothing flat?

198
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:55,117
Listen, I want us
to be honest with each other.

199
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,994
<i>HOMER:</i>
<i>Uh-oh. If you're honest,</i>

200
00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:58,704
<i>you'll have to tell her about the train.</i>

201
00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:00,289
Huh? What train?

202
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,791
<i>How stupid are you?</i>

203
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:03,960
<i>Hey, thinking is your department, jerk.</i>

204
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:06,045
<i>That's what I pay you in beer for.</i>

205
00:09:06,128 --> 00:09:07,964
<i>Just for that, I'm not gonna help you.</i>

206
00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:09,966
<i>What? Where are you going,</i>
<i>you...? (grumbles)</i>

207
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:11,133
Oh!

208
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,510
Um, Marge, I have to go.

209
00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:14,887
What? Now? Why?

210
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:17,557
(shrieks)

211
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:18,683
(door slams)

212
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:21,602
(phone dings)

213
00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:26,232
He's writing me again.

214
00:09:26,315 --> 00:09:28,776
Better put a stop to this.

215
00:09:28,859 --> 00:09:30,152
(phone dings nearby)

216
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,238
Is that him getting the text?

217
00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:35,074
(phone dings nearby)

218
00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:36,325
He's in the market.

219
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,828
We might have squeezed
the same tomatoes.

220
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:40,621
Are you Marge?

221
00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:43,040
Ooh, I'm going to hell.

222
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:45,167
I'm sorry. I didn't even
know you were here.

223
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:47,545
What a crazy coincidence
that you buy food, too.

224
00:09:47,628 --> 00:09:50,798
Gee, I thought you'd be
some kind of creep.

225
00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:53,467
But you're actually
a perfectly normal-looking...

226
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:56,220
Whoa! "A" is for "apple," right?

227
00:09:57,471 --> 00:09:59,557
Okay. I'll-I'll just be going.

228
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,310
Wait, wait, wait!
Let me get the stain out.

229
00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:03,811
But not here.

230
00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:08,232
I know a place where no one
in town will see us.

231
00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,652
(wind whistling)

232
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:13,904
(grunts) There you go.

233
00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:15,031
Good as new.

234
00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:16,866
Now, let me at least buy you a coffee,

235
00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,285
or dare I say a Danish?

236
00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:22,872
-No Danishes!
-Sorry. I go to pastry way too fast.

237
00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:24,707
I want to be very clear.

238
00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:26,417
I'm a happily married woman.

239
00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:28,210
Going on ten years.

240
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:30,129
The aluminum anniversary.

241
00:10:30,212 --> 00:10:34,133
Nothing turns leftovers
into swans like aluminum.

242
00:10:34,216 --> 00:10:36,510
<i>MARGE:</i>
<i>What the heck am I saying?</i>

243
00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:39,930
<i>Homer's probably at that bar</i>
<i>right now, getting hammered.</i>

244
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,182
(yells)

245
00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:42,642
All worth it for Marge.

246
00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:44,477
Marge, you are terrific.

247
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:48,272
I am so glad I reset my distance
filter from 15 to 25 miles.

248
00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:51,734
-Mmm...
-Your Homer is the luckiest man on earth.

249
00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:53,903
Well, he keeps falling
down a cliff and living,

250
00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,529
so I guess that's true.

251
00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:58,491
The only time my wife and I talk
is when I apologize.

252
00:10:58,574 --> 00:11:00,701
(posh English accent)
"Life's an infernal muddle,"

253
00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:03,245
as Mr. Drake says on <i>Upton Rectory.</i>

254
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:06,332
Ooh, I love that show.

255
00:11:06,415 --> 00:11:07,750
Isn't it great?

256
00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:09,710
Finally, a reason to watch TV on Sundays.

257
00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:11,879
Such great characters,

258
00:11:11,962 --> 00:11:14,173
like Buxton, the scheming larder-keep.

259
00:11:14,256 --> 00:11:18,177
Why can't Lady Cavendish see
he's pilfering the aspic?

260
00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:19,637
(shudders)

261
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,514
Uh, does... does Homer watch?

262
00:11:21,597 --> 00:11:24,725
He says shows set during
World War I are too sad.

263
00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:27,269
Particularly how everyone's
always climbing stairs.

264
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:29,605
You are watching the season
finale this week, right?

265
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:32,274
Yeah. Alone, I'm sure.

266
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:35,277
Well, we could, uh... live blog it.

267
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:37,530
Save that sugar for your coffee, bub.

268
00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:43,661
<i>♪ I've been working on the railroad... ♪</i>

269
00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:45,121
Why are you singing that?

270
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:46,747
Because it's in the public domain.

271
00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:49,166
-(phone rings)
-Hello!

272
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:51,335
It's Moe from Moe's Tavern.

273
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:53,504
Oh, uh, I'd better take this.

274
00:11:53,587 --> 00:11:55,715
You see,
Moe's been depressed and needs

275
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:58,300
to hear a friendly voice.
(chuckles)

276
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:01,429
Why the hell are you calling me
at home, you moron?!

277
00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:04,682
Lovejoy went to get a hamburger,
and the whole thing fell apart!

278
00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:06,350
I'm getting cooked like a cabbage.

279
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:08,018
Then keep quiet like a cabbage!

280
00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:10,354
All right, all right, I'll be right there.

281
00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:13,232
(humming "I've Been Working
on the Railroad")

282
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:16,694
(groans)

283
00:12:24,034 --> 00:12:27,204
Is it me, or did this house
just get classy?

284
00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:29,248
(laughing and grunting)

285
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:33,252
Mom, Lisa made me break a lamp.

286
00:12:33,335 --> 00:12:37,256
Mom, Bart's twisting facts
in an Orwellian fashion.

287
00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:39,216
Can I have one hour of grown-up time

288
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:41,510
where you two aren't
tattling on each other

289
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,387
or using obscure references?

290
00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,055
Orwell, obscure?

291
00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:46,849
The author of <i>Animal Farm?</i>

292
00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:48,267
Grampa says he was a Commie.

293
00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:49,602
No tattling!

294
00:12:57,526 --> 00:13:00,446
<i>ANNOUNCER: Upton Rectory is made</i>
<i>possible by a sizeable endowment</i>

295
00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:02,198
<i>from Hooters Restaurants,</i>

296
00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:05,242
<i>and a generous grant from a man</i>
<i>named Generous Grant.</i>

297
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:07,912
(phone rings)

298
00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:12,583
Are you watching it?

299
00:13:12,666 --> 00:13:15,586
No, I can't.
My wife's watching a reality show

300
00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:17,505
about a man
who repossesses zoo animals.

301
00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:19,548
Come on, Taser that flamingo!

302
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:20,841
(electrical buzzing, flamingo shrieking)

303
00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:23,844
Can't believe I'm missing the finale.

304
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:26,514
Hmm... Maybe I can help.

305
00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:28,432
<i>Bless it all, Polly, I love you!</i>

306
00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:32,686
And we shall be wed
by Boxing Day Eve, aka Christmas.

307
00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:34,980
But Lord Upton has forbidden it,
on the grounds

308
00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:37,024
that he once saw me exchange pleasantries

309
00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:39,109
<i>with the Egyptian riding master.</i>

310
00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:41,153
Can you follow everything okay?

311
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:43,823
<i>I guess sometimes you just don't end up</i>

312
00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:45,991
<i>with the person you're supposed to.</i>

313
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:48,494
<i>Marge, can I use</i>
<i>your free Amazon shipping?</i>

314
00:13:48,577 --> 00:13:50,037
Not a good time!

315
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,539
<i>I know your password!</i>

316
00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:55,209
Drake, Polly, perhaps I was too hasty.

317
00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:56,877
(gasping)

318
00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:58,546
Love should flower,

319
00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:02,591
even an ill-advised alliance
between a coarse Irish maid

320
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:05,886
and a man who once served me
soup from the wrong side.

321
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:08,556
He hasn't been the same
since the war, Lord Upton.

322
00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:09,974
Hush, Polly.

323
00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:12,476
Whom you marry is none of your concern.

324
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:15,145
I have something to say.

325
00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:17,565
The dowager grandmum!

326
00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:19,775
I'm afraid you cannot marry...

327
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,236
without a proper ring.

328
00:14:22,319 --> 00:14:25,823
Take mine-- the Star of Bombay.

329
00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:28,033
Once again, India is denuded

330
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:30,369
of her treasure
by the imperialist devils.

331
00:14:30,452 --> 00:14:31,745
Why do we watch this show?

332
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:33,497
Because I like the costumes!

333
00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:35,791
(elegant classical music plays)

334
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:38,961
(both sigh)

335
00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:40,421
I've never felt so flushed

336
00:14:40,504 --> 00:14:42,506
after watching public television.

337
00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:45,259
<i>Maybe sometime we could...</i>
<i>watch it in the same room.</i>

338
00:14:45,342 --> 00:14:47,261
-Chat room?
<i>-Room room.</i>

339
00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:48,846
Show's over!

340
00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:51,098
(sighs)
That turned ultra-steamy in a jiff.

341
00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:52,808
<i>I can still hear you.</i>

342
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,184
(screams)

343
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:56,228
<i>I can still hear you.</i>

344
00:14:57,354 --> 00:14:58,856
<i>(screams)</i>

345
00:15:03,193 --> 00:15:05,362
-(grunts)
-(door opens)

346
00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:07,448
-Happy anniversary, Mom!
-Happy anniversary, Mom!

347
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:09,783
Our gift is us!

348
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:12,620
Three kids with no money,
but plenty of love!

349
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:15,539
-(noisemaker blares)
-(gasps) That's great.

350
00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:18,250
I wonder what surprise
your father has in store.

351
00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:21,879
(Homer yelling and groaning)

352
00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:23,631
HOMER: Boy, oh, boy!

353
00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:26,717
Oh, Marge, I threw my back out!

354
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:30,054
Can you please refill this
prescription right away?

355
00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:32,222
(sighs) Where's it from?

356
00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:35,142
It's in Drugtown... not the nice part.

357
00:15:35,225 --> 00:15:38,479
That'll take hours! On our anniversary!

358
00:15:38,562 --> 00:15:41,732
And what better way
to spend it than commemorating

359
00:15:41,815 --> 00:15:45,027
the glorious words
you spoke ten years ago:

360
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:46,278
"for worse." Oh!

361
00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:47,947
-Oh!
-Ow!

362
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,073
(groans)

363
00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:50,491
Ooh!

364
00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:51,951
(groans)

365
00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:53,243
(moaning)

366
00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:54,745
-(groans)
-(chuckles)

367
00:15:54,828 --> 00:15:56,956
Hmm.

368
00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,457
(chuckling)

369
00:15:58,540 --> 00:15:59,416
It's working.

370
00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:04,088
She's gone.
All right, everyone, magically appear.

371
00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:12,972
Wow, Moe, great shrub costume.

372
00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:15,975
Yeah. I sell 'em on the Internet
for like-minded people.

373
00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:17,935
Now, let's lay some track.

374
00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:19,812
You guys are the best.

375
00:16:19,895 --> 00:16:21,397
I just want you to know

376
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,899
when I'm holding Marge
in my arms tonight,

377
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,193
I'll be thinking of all of you.

378
00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:28,445
(all cheer, then groan)

379
00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:31,490
(dog howling)

380
00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:32,783
When does it get better?

381
00:16:32,866 --> 00:16:34,410
When he's 800 pounds and has to be

382
00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:35,911
cut out of the house to go to a movie?

383
00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:41,000
I lost my cleaning stick in my belly fat.

384
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:42,292
But I found a kitten.

385
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:43,794
(meows)

386
00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:45,796
That is so sweet.

387
00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:47,840
There I go again, settling.

388
00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:50,384
Marge, run off with me. Bring your kid.

389
00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:51,927
I have three kids.

390
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,638
Whoa, you really went all in
with this guy, didn't you?

391
00:16:54,722 --> 00:16:56,473
Get out of my head.

392
00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:58,976
I guess this is good-bye, then.

393
00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:04,481
<i>♪ Someday ♪</i>

394
00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:08,402
<i>♪ When I'm awfully low ♪</i>

395
00:17:08,485 --> 00:17:11,238
<i>♪ When the world is cold... ♪</i>

396
00:17:11,321 --> 00:17:13,866
-I said no!
-Fine. Sorry.

397
00:17:15,784 --> 00:17:20,205
<i>♪ Just thinking of you, Marge ♪</i>

398
00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:23,709
<i>♪ And the way you look tonight ♪</i>

399
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:26,920
The Nelson Riddle Orchestra!

400
00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:28,630
Leave me alone!

401
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:29,965
Fine.

402
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,801
Sorry, guys, you're dead again.

403
00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:39,850
I'm gonna do what I've done
at every key point of my life:

404
00:17:39,933 --> 00:17:41,643
suck it in and smile.

405
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,312
(grunts)

406
00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:46,732
There goes a woman
who's unhappy with her partner.

407
00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:48,525
Yeah, I know how she feels.

408
00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:49,777
Yeah. What was that?

409
00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,361
(chuckles)

410
00:17:57,868 --> 00:17:59,036
(train whistle blows)

411
00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:00,954
What the...?

412
00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:03,123
Happy anniversary!

413
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:05,375
(gasps) Oh, my God.

414
00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:07,377
Our train.

415
00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:09,213
{\an8}Homie, you do care.

416
00:18:09,296 --> 00:18:10,964
{\an8}You care a lot.

417
00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:13,675
{\an8}What a wonderful anniversary.

418
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,386
{\an8}Do you think we'll last 25 years?

419
00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:17,721
Nothing should.

420
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:23,310
Trains... they can fix every marriage.

421
00:18:23,393 --> 00:18:25,312
(phone dings)

422
00:18:25,395 --> 00:18:26,772
What the...?

423
00:18:26,855 --> 00:18:30,359
Ugh. Happy moment derailed
by the <i>Bipolar Express.</i>

424
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:32,444
(chuckles)
None of you heard that.

425
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:35,030
ALL: Happy anniversary!

426
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,865
Where is she?

427
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,951
Where the hell is Marge Simpson?

428
00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:41,912
Ramona, please! When you asked me
who she was and where she lived,

429
00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:43,872
I never dreamed you'd go confront her!

430
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:46,208
Mmm, I'm Marge Simpson.

431
00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:49,002
So... you're the kind of man-eater

432
00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:51,130
Hall and Oates warned us all about.

433
00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:53,132
Hall and Oates? What's going on here?

434
00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:54,800
Your wife and my husband

435
00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:57,302
have been watching British TV together!

436
00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:59,555
Costume drama or naughty comedy?

437
00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:01,014
Drama! Drama!

438
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:04,476
You just dodged a bullet,
Mr. Sugarpants.

439
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,229
Ben, Ramona,
I want to tell you something

440
00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:09,439
I've learned over ten years of marriage.

441
00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:12,693
The secret is: no secrets,

442
00:19:12,776 --> 00:19:15,112
except good secrets like this train.

443
00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:16,780
(indistinct chatter)

444
00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:18,448
My only secrets are:

445
00:19:18,532 --> 00:19:21,743
my marathon time isn't 4:26; it's never,

446
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:25,873
I often go online to see how Lindsay
Wagner's looking now-- fabulous--

447
00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:29,877
and I once pushed a kid off a swing
and he broke his wrist or something.

448
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,589
But it's no secret
how much I love my Margie.

449
00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:35,883
-Mmm...
-Mmm...

450
00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:38,886
Look at them, coochie-cooing
like that time

451
00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:41,346
our connecting flight
was delayed and we got drunk

452
00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:43,390
and friendly in the Admiral's Club.

453
00:19:43,473 --> 00:19:46,101
That was you?
I mean, it-it was wonderful.

454
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,145
And you're fighting for me.

455
00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:50,397
Maybe that means you still care.

456
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:51,732
Of course I do.

457
00:19:51,815 --> 00:19:54,193
Now, let's go home
and spend a romantic night

458
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:56,570
looking through your computer's
browsing history.

459
00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:59,281
That exists? Oh, boy.

460
00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:02,743
Honey, just what was going on
with you and that guy?

461
00:20:02,826 --> 00:20:05,746
Well... (clears throat) I was
trying to buy you snack cakes...

462
00:20:05,829 --> 00:20:07,706
Oh, baby, that's all I needed to hear.

463
00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:08,999
(moaning)

464
00:20:09,082 --> 00:20:11,835
(classical music playing)

465
00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:25,432
How did we get here?

466
00:20:32,439 --> 00:20:36,401
{\an8}<i>WOMAN: ♪ Marge was feeling</i>
<i>lonely and bored ♪</i>

467
00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:39,780
{\an8}<i>♪ Every night she was ignored ♪</i>

468
00:20:39,863 --> 00:20:42,157
{\an8}<i>HOMER:</i>
<i>♪ But when Marge went boo-hoo ♪</i>

469
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:45,202
{\an8}<i>♪ I was building a choo-choo ♪</i>

470
00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:47,287
{\an8}<i>HOMER and MARGE:</i>
<i>♪ And love conquered all ♪</i>

471
00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:49,873
{\an8}<i>♪ With a train from the mall ♪</i>

472
00:20:49,957 --> 00:20:51,625
{\an8}(train whistle blows)

473
00:20:53,126 --> 00:20:56,797
{\an8}<i>WOMAN:</i>
<i>♪ So that very same night ♪</i>

474
00:20:56,880 --> 00:21:00,300
{\an8}<i>♪ Ben went back on the site ♪</i>

475
00:21:00,384 --> 00:21:04,805
{\an8}<i>♪ And he lined up a date</i>
<i>with Selma_B_88 ♪</i>

476
00:21:04,888 --> 00:21:06,682
{\an8}<i>♪ She said that she's smokin' ♪</i>

477
00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:08,976
{\an8}<i>♪ And I wasn't jokin' ♪</i>

478
00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:10,644
{\an8}(screams)

479
00:21:10,727 --> 00:21:12,312
{\an8}<i>♪ Find love on the net ♪</i>

480
00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:14,731
{\an8}<i>♪ You deserve what you get ♪</i>

481
00:21:14,815 --> 00:21:18,110
{\an8}<i>♪ Three awesome kids</i>
<i>and a life of regret ♪</i>

482
00:21:18,193 --> 00:21:19,945
{\an8}(groans)

483
00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:21,780
{\an8}And now it's time for Grampa's song!

484
00:21:21,863 --> 00:21:24,283
{\an8}<i>♪ Down by the old ♪</i>

485
00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:28,203
{\an8}<i>♪ Not the new, but the old, mill stream ♪</i>

486
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:30,080
{\an8}<i>♪ Not the river, but the stream ♪</i>

487
00:21:30,163 --> 00:21:33,083
{\an8}<i>♪ Where I first--</i>
<i>not the second or the... ♪</i>

488
00:21:33,166 --> 00:21:34,626
Shh!

489
00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:39,965
{\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay