1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,214 CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:10,510 -D'oh! -(tires screeching) 3 00:00:10,593 --> 00:00:12,178 (grunts) 4 00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:15,181 ANNOUNCER: Welcome to Super Bowl XLVIII 5 00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:19,227 between the Seattle Seahawks and the Denver Broncos. 6 00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:22,188 -The field is a frozen tundra, -(Bart laughing) 7 00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:24,024 imported at great expense from Alaska. 8 00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:25,400 Hmm? 9 00:00:25,483 --> 00:00:27,360 Hmm?! Huh...? 10 00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,030 (shrieks) 11 00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:31,573 (gasps) 12 00:00:31,656 --> 00:00:32,907 Oh! 13 00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:34,075 (gasps) 14 00:00:35,785 --> 00:00:36,953 (screams) 15 00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:38,913 (screams, jabbers) 16 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,047 (screams, jabbers) 17 00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:49,049 (groans) 18 00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:50,633 (whimpers) 19 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:52,594 (sobs) 20 00:00:52,677 --> 00:00:55,597 (Homer continues whimpering, sobbing) 21 00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:57,891 (electricity buzzes, Homer screams and whimpers) 22 00:01:00,810 --> 00:01:02,562 (Homer screams, electricity crackles) 23 00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:04,564 ANNOUNCER: And the game comes down to this one play-- 24 00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:06,274 -(Homer screaming) -a final field goal. 25 00:01:06,357 --> 00:01:08,234 The kick is up, it hits the crossbar and-- 26 00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:10,403 -(power humming off) -HOMER: D'oh! 27 00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:12,197 (Homer slurps beer) Whoo-hoo! 28 00:01:27,378 --> 00:01:31,925 {\an8}(to tune of "Silver Bells") ♪ Glowing rods, glowing rods ♪ 29 00:01:32,008 --> 00:01:34,469 {\an8}♪ It's making me ♪ 30 00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:37,013 {\an8}♪ Weak and dizzy... ♪ 31 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,973 {\an8}Uh, rumor has it they're about to give out 32 00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:40,266 {\an8}the company Christmas gifts. 33 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:41,643 {\an8}Who told you that? 34 00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:42,769 {\an8}I got an in. 35 00:01:42,852 --> 00:01:45,563 {\an8}The VP of Personnel is doing my girlfriend. 36 00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:48,483 {\an8}Ooh, look at you, Mr. Connected. 37 00:01:48,566 --> 00:01:50,819 {\an8}I hope it's better than last year's lousy gift. 38 00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:52,403 {\an8}CARL: Yeah, what a rip. 39 00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:53,905 {\an8}Ugh. Remember this gift? 40 00:01:53,988 --> 00:01:55,657 {\an8}The executive stress ball. 41 00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:58,368 {\an8}BURNS' VOICE: One more squeeze and you're fired. 42 00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:00,328 {\an8}(gasps) Now I feel more stressed than ever. 43 00:02:00,411 --> 00:02:01,830 {\an8}Gah! (gags) 44 00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:03,581 {\an8}BURNS' VOICE: (muffled) Excellent. 45 00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:05,875 {\an8}Excellent. Excellent. 46 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,128 {\an8}Uh, you don't look so excellent to me. 47 00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:09,420 {\an8}(retches) 48 00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:12,590 {\an8}Ho, ho, humbug. 49 00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:15,677 {\an8}Santa Claus approaches to judge and punish. 50 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:21,933 {\an8}Wow! A good gift for once. 51 00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:23,393 {\an8}Oogle Goggles. 52 00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:25,687 {\an8}Augmented reality glasses. 53 00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:27,981 {\an8}You wear them like eyeglasses, but inside the lens, 54 00:02:28,064 --> 00:02:30,817 {\an8}you see information about the people and places around you. 55 00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:34,696 {\an8}Ooh, finally I'm not a slave to my stupid human eyeballs. 56 00:02:34,779 --> 00:02:36,698 (gasping in wonder) 57 00:02:36,781 --> 00:02:37,991 HOMER: Ooh! 58 00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:39,576 Whoa. 59 00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:41,619 (high-pitched gibbering) 60 00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:44,873 (smug chuckling) 61 00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:46,124 {\an8}Glasses, call Lenny. 62 00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:47,876 {\an8}Ooh, I'm getting a call. 63 00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:48,877 {\an8}Answer call. 64 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:49,878 {\an8}Hello? 65 00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:52,463 {\an8}Lenny, it's me, Homer. 66 00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:57,510 {\an8}Hm. I always thought it was "Simp-sen." 67 00:02:57,594 --> 00:02:59,888 {\an8}Really? Don't you ever look up at the sky? 68 00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:01,389 (theme song playing) 69 00:03:01,472 --> 00:03:04,517 CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 70 00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:06,477 Always wondered what that was. 71 00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:07,478 {\an8}(bird squawks) 72 00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:09,731 {\an8}Sir, I'm concerned about your sudden generosity. 73 00:03:09,814 --> 00:03:11,399 {\an8}The doctor said to bring you in right away 74 00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:13,401 {\an8}if you display kindness or warmth. 75 00:03:13,484 --> 00:03:14,360 {\an8}Oh, don't worry. 76 00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,905 {\an8}This Santa still has claws. 77 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,533 {\an8}As of now, each of those nuclear nitwits 78 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,243 {\an8}is wearing a video camera. 79 00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:24,662 {\an8}With a direct feed to me. 80 00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:26,414 {\an8}(gasps) You're spying on them? 81 00:03:26,497 --> 00:03:28,374 {\an8}Smithers, how much did this company lose 82 00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:30,710 {\an8}to office supply theft last year? 83 00:03:30,793 --> 00:03:32,921 {\an8}$7,043. 84 00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:34,797 {\an8}Yes, well, no more of that. 85 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:37,675 {\an8}Thanks to this $26 million surveillance system. 86 00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:38,718 {\an8}Beware, rabbits. 87 00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:41,429 {\an8}I spy with my transplanted eyes. 88 00:03:41,512 --> 00:03:44,182 {\an8}Oh, and I forgot to show you the best feature. 89 00:03:44,265 --> 00:03:47,685 {\an8}Each of these buttons represents an employee. 90 00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:51,648 {\an8}When I press it, he or she dies. 91 00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:57,153 {\an8}(scoffs) What's wrong with this thing? 92 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,821 {\an8}(grunts in frustration) 93 00:04:20,009 --> 00:04:21,094 Now, remember kids, 94 00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:23,846 the school says you must have a valentine card 95 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:26,015 for everyone in your class. 96 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:29,435 How does this mean anything when everyone's forced to do it? 97 00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:31,271 What did I say about pointing out 98 00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:33,690 the meaninglessness of things? 99 00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:34,941 Not to. 100 00:04:35,024 --> 00:04:36,943 Well, no way I'm giving a valentine to Nelson. 101 00:04:37,026 --> 00:04:39,028 He's a bully, and I do not love him. 102 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,322 Jesus says to love your enemies. 103 00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:43,574 That's because Jesus knows one day 104 00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:46,536 he gets to look his enemies in the eye and say, 105 00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:49,872 "It was me who sent you to Hell." 106 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,541 Bart, your school requires you 107 00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:54,127 to give everyone a valentine card 108 00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:56,838 in an envelope with a fun sticker. 109 00:04:56,921 --> 00:04:59,173 Your teacher put out an e-mail alert. 110 00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:01,718 With a video attachment. 111 00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:05,096 {\an8}NARRATOR: Welcome to Firstline. Tonight, 112 00:05:05,179 --> 00:05:08,099 {\an8}"Valentine's Day: Always A Massacre." 113 00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:10,268 At this school, children may give valentines 114 00:05:10,351 --> 00:05:11,769 to whomever they choose. 115 00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:13,313 Danny is unpopular 116 00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:17,066 due to rumors he sleeps in the raw with his ma and his pa. 117 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:20,778 Human young are born with the ability to count valentines, 118 00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:23,698 and Danny realizes he's been snubbed. 119 00:05:23,781 --> 00:05:27,285 {\an8}(computer-altered voice) Past generations of children were used to rejection. 120 00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:30,204 {\an8}But today's kids, raised in a climate of video games 121 00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:33,374 {\an8}and instant messaging, are fragile weirdos. 122 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:35,835 NARRATOR: On February 15, 2:00 a.m., 123 00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:38,546 after checking the mailbox one last time, 124 00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:41,215 Danny nearly died from an overdose 125 00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:42,633 of little candy hearts. 126 00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:49,015 Many of history's monsters never received a valentine. 127 00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:51,601 Attila the Hun, Mao Tse-tung, 128 00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:53,478 and me, Will Lyman. 129 00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:55,146 This is Firstline. 130 00:05:55,229 --> 00:05:57,565 Fine, Nelson gets a valentine. 131 00:05:57,648 --> 00:05:59,776 {\an8}An old one from the box. 132 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,988 Perfect. Bad movie, bad pun, 133 00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:06,115 even bad paper stock. 134 00:06:07,825 --> 00:06:09,077 (Homer laughing) 135 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,912 (giggles) 136 00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:12,246 What's so funny? 137 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:14,582 I'm watching videos of idiots wearing these glasses 138 00:06:14,665 --> 00:06:18,086 and not paying attention to the world around them. 139 00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:19,337 Look at these jerks. 140 00:06:19,420 --> 00:06:21,172 (man screams) 141 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,511 Ow! 142 00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:28,513 (man screams) 143 00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:37,563 I don't understand what's so great about these 144 00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:40,525 state of the art, solar-powered, computo-glasses. 145 00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:41,734 I'll let you try them on, 146 00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:43,403 right after I decide if these videos 147 00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:45,071 are Funny Or Die. 148 00:06:45,154 --> 00:06:48,324 Funny, funny, die, die, 149 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,243 funny, funny but the guy died. 150 00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:51,869 Oh. 151 00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:55,123 Now, a simple Sunday drive will reveal the hidden wonders 152 00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:57,041 of our hometown. 153 00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:01,254 Hmm... 154 00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:03,423 (grunting with effort) 155 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:09,262 Whoo-hoo! 156 00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,307 D'oh! 157 00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:16,269 Springfield City Hall was built for the Spencer Tracy movie 158 00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:18,104 Meet Me At City Hall. 159 00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:21,399 It was just a flat wall with nothing behind it for 30 years. 160 00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:23,943 Dad, Bart's on my side of the seat. 161 00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:26,571 Dad, Lisa's my little sister. 162 00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:28,197 (both grunting) 163 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,783 The rearview mirror was invented in 1911, 164 00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,076 for just this reason. 165 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,161 Interesting. 166 00:07:33,244 --> 00:07:35,288 When was the term "shut up" invented? 167 00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:37,915 As early as 1859, shut up was used to shut up... 168 00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:40,710 Homie, I think the kids are just hungry. 169 00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:44,088 Glasses, direct me to the nicest restaurant I can afford. 170 00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:45,798 FEMALE ELECTRONIC VOICE: Accessing soup kitchens. 171 00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:49,051 What, you... Oh, that's it, I'm taking you off. 172 00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:51,137 Aah! Reality. 173 00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:52,096 JEREMY: Oh! Sorry, sir! 174 00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:56,434 Okay, let's see what we got here. 175 00:08:01,522 --> 00:08:04,484 Ugh, oh! Ooh. 176 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:05,735 Eh. 177 00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:12,366 -Oh. -(Homer giggles) 178 00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:14,076 Mm-hmm. 179 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,786 Squeeze here. 180 00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:17,288 Rotate there. 181 00:08:17,371 --> 00:08:18,706 Pause for sweet talk. 182 00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:21,209 Oh, glasses, you're so wonderful. 183 00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:24,879 Huh? A-Are you using your glasses for snuggling? 184 00:08:24,962 --> 00:08:27,381 But the avatar looks just like you. 185 00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:29,258 I'm afraid wives don't make passes 186 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:32,053 at husbands in those glasses. 187 00:08:33,554 --> 00:08:35,431 Glasses, find me a great gift for my wife. 188 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,141 (whispers) Under five dollars. 189 00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:38,893 MARGE: I heard that! 190 00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:41,187 Glasses, take me two minutes back in time. 191 00:08:46,734 --> 00:08:49,654 (Marge grumbling) 192 00:08:49,737 --> 00:08:51,572 -Marge. -Mm. 193 00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:53,407 -About the glasses. -Mm! 194 00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:56,410 -I'm really sorry, and... -Mm, mm, mm. 195 00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:58,412 Here's your breakfast. 196 00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:00,748 Only five pancakes? 197 00:09:00,831 --> 00:09:02,333 You're trying to kill me. 198 00:09:02,416 --> 00:09:04,293 Well, I'm not happy with you. 199 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:05,836 Look, honey, I know these glasses 200 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,838 are a radical new technology 201 00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:09,924 and should be worn in moderation. 202 00:09:10,007 --> 00:09:11,592 Isn't that right, glasses? 203 00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:13,594 FEMALE ELECTRONIC VOICE: Yes, just like I told you. 204 00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:16,514 Anyway, I'm giving them up. 205 00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:19,225 To whoever dares take them. 206 00:09:23,604 --> 00:09:25,940 (Lisa and Bart gasp) 207 00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:27,900 Yoink. 208 00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:29,527 Aw, come on, Mom. 209 00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:31,946 For once, I'm grabbing the goody. 210 00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:33,614 So the rumors are true. 211 00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:36,242 Moms can want things. 212 00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:40,037 Hmm. 213 00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:46,294 Hmm... 214 00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:47,962 Nicely done, Lewis. 215 00:09:48,045 --> 00:09:52,174 A Transformer that transforms into a heart? 216 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,551 I love it! 217 00:09:57,722 --> 00:10:00,057 Mm. This Hershey's Kiss is melted. 218 00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:01,934 Not good. 219 00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:04,520 My mom left it on the dashboard! 220 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,480 My mom...! 221 00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:09,567 I'll have yours now, Simpson. 222 00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:12,028 {\an8}In Ga'Hoole, 223 00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:14,405 {\an8}we would break his frickin' knees. 224 00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:16,699 No. 225 00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,909 No valentine for you, Nelson. 226 00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:22,496 Excuse me? 227 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,248 I'll give a valentine to a loser, 228 00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:25,791 I'll give a valentine to a dork, 229 00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:27,877 I'll even give a valentine to a girl, 230 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,838 but I won't give a valentine to a bully! 231 00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:34,050 Here's what's gonna happen. 232 00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:37,845 You have one week to make me the best valentine any kid ever got. 233 00:10:37,928 --> 00:10:39,513 And what if I don't? 234 00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:42,224 Simpson, there's gonna be a heart in my hand, 235 00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:44,727 either paper or yours. 236 00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:49,065 -Hey, everybody. -That's strange. 237 00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:52,652 I-I'm hearing a voice, but I'm not seeing a user icon. 238 00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:54,987 Carl, it's me. I'm here. 239 00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:56,697 Really here! 240 00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:58,449 Hey, Homer. A lot of information about you. 241 00:10:58,532 --> 00:11:01,994 -Let me just page through it. -Ow! Stop! Hey! What? 242 00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:05,539 Oh, no one can live in a non-augmented reality. 243 00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:07,583 I need another pair of glasses. 244 00:11:08,542 --> 00:11:10,836 Charlie, your move in Muppet Chess. 245 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,838 Gonzo to Fozzie Seven. 246 00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:16,008 -Aw! That's Kermit-mate. -Wocka wocka! 247 00:11:16,717 --> 00:11:17,927 Oh, why is it 248 00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:19,804 the recipe card you need is always 249 00:11:19,887 --> 00:11:22,556 the one Homer writes his cocktail ideas on? 250 00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:26,185 Maybe these bleep-bloop glasses can help. 251 00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:29,939 Okay, Marge Simpson entering the Matrix, 252 00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:32,566 for a brownie recipe. 253 00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:35,152 FEMALE ELECTRONIC VOICE: Here are my top-rated recipes. 254 00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:38,989 Ooh. So many choices, Maggie. 255 00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:41,409 (beeping) 256 00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:47,998 HOMER: Um, Mr. Burns, sir? 257 00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:50,418 Can I get another pair of glasses? 258 00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:52,878 Maybe two pair? One for the beach house? 259 00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:54,422 Can I also get a beach house? 260 00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:56,257 Two beach houses. 261 00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:57,258 Huh? 262 00:11:57,341 --> 00:11:58,426 Monitors?! 263 00:11:58,509 --> 00:11:59,719 What the...? 264 00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:04,265 Burns gave us those glasses so he could spy on us! 265 00:12:04,348 --> 00:12:07,184 This is a violation of our human rights. 266 00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:08,310 -(cracks knuckles) -Okay, 267 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:10,688 so let's see what we can see. 268 00:12:10,771 --> 00:12:13,023 {\an8}Solitaire, top hats on eBay, 269 00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:14,942 {\an8}Angry Birds fan fiction, 270 00:12:15,025 --> 00:12:17,111 {\an8}guy doing really easy crossword puzzle, 271 00:12:17,194 --> 00:12:18,946 {\an8}Lenny doing Carl's clown makeup... 272 00:12:19,029 --> 00:12:21,031 {\an8}someone's actually working? 273 00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:22,783 Maggie?! 274 00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,910 Who's Mommy's little girl? 275 00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:27,538 Genealogy.org says you are! 276 00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:28,998 You are! 277 00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:30,374 (Maggie giggles) 278 00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,168 (chuckles) Aw... 279 00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:35,087 Wait a minute. Since Marge is wearing my glasses, 280 00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:37,339 I can see everything she sees! 281 00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,467 Uh-uh, I shouldn't watch this. 282 00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:41,469 MARGE: Such a good baby. 283 00:12:41,552 --> 00:12:43,345 You deserve some ice cream. 284 00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:46,557 Wait a minute-- Marge said we were out of ice cream. 285 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,851 {\an8}(Marge humming happily) 286 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:50,060 {\an8}Ooh! 287 00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:52,396 {\an8}(Marge chuckles) 288 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,106 (gasps) Oh! 289 00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:57,067 What else is Marge hiding from me? 290 00:12:57,151 --> 00:13:00,154 {\an8}-(doorbell rings) -MARGE: Maggie, he's here! 291 00:13:00,237 --> 00:13:02,656 Oh, is she having an affair? 292 00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:05,826 {\an8}Thanks for asking me to lunch. 293 00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:08,913 Oh, why isn't she having an affair?! 294 00:13:10,664 --> 00:13:14,418 What about a valentine that says: "Bully for you"? 295 00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:16,837 Hmm, interesting. 296 00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:18,422 "Interesting" means "no." 297 00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:20,466 "Interesting" means "no." 298 00:13:20,549 --> 00:13:21,801 (snaps fingers) 299 00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,594 Milhouse, you're a genius! 300 00:13:23,677 --> 00:13:25,763 I am? What did I say? 301 00:13:25,846 --> 00:13:28,641 (groans) Oh, nothing. 302 00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:30,518 On TV, when a guy says something lame, 303 00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:33,145 another guy says he's a genius, and then he has an idea. 304 00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:34,855 I thought it might work for me. 305 00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:37,024 Well, you called me a genius. 306 00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:38,609 That means a lot. 307 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,529 Oh, I hate this stupid holiday! 308 00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:43,572 The only thing you can do is screw it up. 309 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,157 (gasps) That's it! 310 00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:47,618 Bart, you're a genius! 311 00:13:47,701 --> 00:13:50,955 Well, if you keep throwing the word around, it means nothing. 312 00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:51,914 (bird squawks) 313 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,668 -Who are you? -Mr. Burns! 314 00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:57,628 Oh. I'm so sorry, Mr. Burns. 315 00:13:57,711 --> 00:13:59,797 I won't bother you again. 316 00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:08,097 HOMER: Marge, that's a "Compact Only" space. 317 00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:10,599 (Marge grunts) 318 00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:14,061 (chuckles) Well... who knew you were such a rebel? 319 00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:17,606 Now let's learn more about my wife's secret life. 320 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:21,110 Secrets which can only be good. 321 00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:24,864 Hi, Marge. Dr. Carlock is ready for you. 322 00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:26,782 Thank you. 323 00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:29,702 So, Marge, how have you been? 324 00:14:29,785 --> 00:14:32,037 (sighs) Okay, I guess. 325 00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:34,290 Marge is in therapy?! 326 00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:35,708 MARGE: Oh, I hate when I come here 327 00:14:35,791 --> 00:14:38,377 and the first word out of my mouth is "Homer." 328 00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:40,838 But here we go... again. 329 00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:44,091 (sighs) Homer was converting our dollars to "yu-ros." 330 00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:47,052 Not the money, the sandwich. 331 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,143 And has there been any improvement in Homer's drinking? 332 00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:56,812 Well, he's down to two beers in the shower. 333 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,981 They're pale ales! Please! 334 00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:00,357 Well, maybe if you just concentrate 335 00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:02,401 on one problem, like his temper. 336 00:15:02,484 --> 00:15:05,571 MARGE: Oh, everything in the newspaper makes him mad. 337 00:15:05,654 --> 00:15:08,324 Not Marmaduke! Never Marmaduke! 338 00:15:09,199 --> 00:15:11,410 Marmaduke was horrible today! 339 00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:14,705 Also, Marge is in therapy, and she didn't even tell me. 340 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,374 Whoa. She has crossed a line. 341 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:19,293 How did you find out? 342 00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:21,462 Spied on her with a hidden camera. 343 00:15:21,545 --> 00:15:23,130 She thinks I'm selfish. 344 00:15:23,213 --> 00:15:25,382 She thinks I don't spend enough time with the kids. 345 00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:27,217 Well, that's crazy. Come on. 346 00:15:27,301 --> 00:15:29,553 You work your butt off in a radioactive hellhole, 347 00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:32,222 and what do you get? Not one lousy superpower. 348 00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:34,516 I guess the only choice is to come clean with her 349 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,477 and tell her what I know, and how I know. 350 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:37,561 Whoa, whoa! 351 00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:39,104 Bad idea. No, no. 352 00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:42,149 Chicks do not like finding out they're being spied on. 353 00:15:42,232 --> 00:15:48,864 I speak from loooooong.... 354 00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,741 experience. 355 00:15:50,824 --> 00:15:52,326 No, you got to make it seem like 356 00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:54,036 you found out by accident there. 357 00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:55,412 Um... ooh! 358 00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:57,039 Next week you schedule an appointment 359 00:15:57,122 --> 00:16:00,376 with the therapist after hers, and then you bump into Midge 360 00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:02,044 in the waiting room there. 361 00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:03,671 Moe, that's great! 362 00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:05,589 (chuckles) How do you get your ideas? 363 00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:08,008 Pretty much all my friends are divorced guys. 364 00:16:09,426 --> 00:16:11,845 Hello, Homie! 365 00:16:11,929 --> 00:16:13,180 Dinner's almost ready. 366 00:16:13,263 --> 00:16:16,141 Pork chops with my secret seasoning. 367 00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:20,354 Yeah, you do like your secrets, don't you, Marge? 368 00:16:20,437 --> 00:16:21,939 Don't lose your cool, Homer. 369 00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:25,693 The building block of a marriage is long silence. 370 00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:27,277 Hey, where'd she go? 371 00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:29,279 Good, good, you held your tongue there. 372 00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:31,073 Because-- hey, where'd you go? 373 00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:33,742 Doesn't anybody want me to give 'em advice? 374 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:37,579 Okay there, Fido, when you see that squirrel outside, 375 00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,873 at first you play it cool, you understand? 376 00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:41,166 (barks twice) 377 00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:44,920 "I fear you"? 378 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,506 This is what Valentine's Day means to you?! 379 00:16:47,589 --> 00:16:49,591 This is what it means to everyone. 380 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:52,344 How can you be forced to say "I love you"? 381 00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:54,555 People only give valentines because they're scared 382 00:16:54,638 --> 00:16:57,099 of what would happen if they didn't. 383 00:16:57,182 --> 00:17:00,352 "Nelson, you frighten me so, 384 00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:02,813 the psycho-est bully I know, 385 00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:06,316 you're a sociopath in need of a bath, 386 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,570 I'm sure you'll wind up on death row." 387 00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:12,364 (sniffing) 388 00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:15,451 Mmm! You can really smell the fear on this. 389 00:17:15,534 --> 00:17:17,036 I rubbed it on Milhouse. 390 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:20,080 Simpson, you just touched my heart's butt. 391 00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:21,999 Why are you hugging yourself? 392 00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:23,876 Why are you hugging yourself?! 393 00:17:23,959 --> 00:17:27,046 If Nelson doesn't do something bully-ish in two seconds, 394 00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:28,589 I'm gonna wedgie him. 395 00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:30,632 Nelson doesn't wear underwear. 396 00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:33,635 Wow. Always one step ahead. 397 00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:38,307 Uh, I'm here to check in for the 3:00. 398 00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:41,143 Please fill out these forms, Mr. Fakinami. 399 00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:44,646 -No, it's "Fake Name." -I'll just call you Elias. 400 00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,607 That's "Alias." 401 00:17:46,690 --> 00:17:48,108 Duh. Hm! 402 00:17:56,283 --> 00:17:58,160 HOMER (thinking): Finally. 403 00:17:58,243 --> 00:18:01,163 Time for the big bump-into. 404 00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:03,040 Same time next week, Marge? 405 00:18:03,123 --> 00:18:04,875 Oh, absolutely. 406 00:18:04,958 --> 00:18:06,835 These sessions keep me on an even keel. 407 00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:10,714 Dr. Carlock is like my Wednesday reset button. 408 00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:12,341 HOMER: Wednesday? 409 00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:14,802 (pleasant classical music playing) 410 00:18:24,561 --> 00:18:27,314 ♪ ♪ 411 00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:32,069 Okay, she's always in a good mood after therapy. 412 00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:35,114 (sad, minor-key music playing) 413 00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:45,999 ♪ ♪ 414 00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:50,754 (Marge hums happily) 415 00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:52,464 Oh, my God. 416 00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:54,174 Marge needs this. 417 00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:58,178 It lights her way through the dark path of marriage to me. 418 00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:00,097 Come on in, Mr. Fakinami. 419 00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:01,598 No need. Everything's fine. 420 00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:04,977 I'm sorry, but there are no cancellations within 24 hours. 421 00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:07,437 (chuckles) Well, as long as I'm paying for the time... 422 00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:09,356 Ow! Where'd you learn to cut hair? 423 00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:10,607 (nervous chuckle) 424 00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:12,192 You know, you have some anger issues. 425 00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:14,027 More snip, less lip. 426 00:19:15,445 --> 00:19:17,114 Oh, I forgot to tell you, Homie, 427 00:19:17,197 --> 00:19:20,784 I bumped into Helen Lovejoy today, and guess what? 428 00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:22,161 I don't need to know, Marge. 429 00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:24,538 You deserve to have your secrets. 430 00:19:24,621 --> 00:19:26,707 It's not a secret. It's a funny story. 431 00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:29,168 Okay, Marge, but first, well... 432 00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:31,712 I have something I need to tell you. 433 00:19:31,795 --> 00:19:33,714 Something I did you might be mad about, 434 00:19:33,797 --> 00:19:35,257 and rightly so. 435 00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:37,426 Oh, I bet my story's more interesting. 436 00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:39,011 Whoo-hoo! I tried! 437 00:19:39,094 --> 00:19:40,220 -Okay. -Okay, 438 00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:41,889 so, Helen Lovejoy told me that 439 00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:45,309 she made her famous snickerdoodle Bundt cake for the church sale, 440 00:19:45,392 --> 00:19:48,187 and she put in salt instead of sugar! 441 00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,522 -(laughs) -Yeah? And...? 442 00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:52,399 That's it. That was the story. 443 00:19:52,482 --> 00:19:54,735 -Where's that cake now? -It got sold. 444 00:19:54,818 --> 00:19:56,737 -Who bought it? -Dr. Hibbert. 445 00:19:56,820 --> 00:20:00,115 -Excuse me. I have to make a call. -Don't take too long. 446 00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:04,703 Okay, Hibbert's in surgery, but they're having him paged. 447 00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:07,206 (both moaning passionately) 448 00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:08,373 Wait, something's wrong. 449 00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:10,709 (grunts) That's better. 450 00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:12,878 Oh, dear God. 451 00:20:17,841 --> 00:20:20,761 Hi, Ralph. Um, I just wanted to tell you, 452 00:20:20,844 --> 00:20:23,722 there was a tooth in the valentine you gave me. 453 00:20:23,805 --> 00:20:26,516 Plant it and you'll grow a new Ralph. 454 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:29,394 I don't need a new Ralph. I like the old one. 455 00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:31,313 Happy Valentine's Day. 456 00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:34,274 Well, better get ready for St. Patrick's! 457 00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:24,157 Shh! 458 00:21:27,035 --> 00:21:29,955 Subtitled by Jimmy Boots