1 00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:06,339 CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:08,383 (theme music playing) 3 00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:09,759 D'oh! 4 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:12,178 -(tires screech) -(grunts) 5 00:00:13,972 --> 00:00:15,598 (screams) 6 00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,392 (door slams) 7 00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:24,274 (laughs) 8 00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:26,526 (whistle blows, crowd cheers on TV) 9 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,990 (retches, groans) 10 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,872 -(changing channels) -(laughs) 11 00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:41,833 (axe thudding) 12 00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:49,674 (groaning, grunting) 13 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:57,098 {\an8}(Bart laughs) 14 00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:59,601 {\an8}Well, it wasn't easy, but we managed to watch 15 00:00:59,684 --> 00:01:02,270 {\an8}every "testicle fail" video on the Internet. 16 00:01:02,353 --> 00:01:04,564 {\an8}Now to leave a great comment. 17 00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:06,483 {\an8}LOL. 18 00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:09,027 {\an8}That's gotta hurt. 19 00:01:09,110 --> 00:01:12,614 {\an8}Oh... I guess there's nothing left to do but go outside and play. 20 00:01:12,697 --> 00:01:14,449 {\an8}Wait-- a sponsored link. 21 00:01:14,532 --> 00:01:15,992 {\an8}MILHOUSE: Ooh! 22 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,952 {\an8}A trailer for Project: After Party. 23 00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:20,371 {\an8}The long-awaited sequel to Project: Party. 24 00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:24,125 {\an8}(gasps) That's a red band trailer. 25 00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:26,211 {\an8}We're not old enough to see that. 26 00:01:26,294 --> 00:01:28,546 {\an8}Sure we are. I just have to enter my birthday. 27 00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:31,466 {\an8}January 1st, 1900. 28 00:01:31,549 --> 00:01:34,302 {\an8}No movie's so dirty the oldest man in the world can't see it. 29 00:01:34,385 --> 00:01:37,305 {\an8}Well, they did everything they could to stop us, 30 00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:39,724 {\an8}but we hacked through anyway. 31 00:01:39,808 --> 00:01:42,560 NARRATOR: They thought the party was over. 32 00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:44,729 After party! 33 00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:46,564 ♪ ♪ 34 00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:56,866 -(gasps) -(gasps) 35 00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:59,911 Brief nudity! 36 00:01:59,994 --> 00:02:01,371 (grunting) 37 00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:09,337 I thought we installed parental blocking software on all our computers. 38 00:02:09,420 --> 00:02:10,922 I don't know what that stuff blocks. 39 00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:13,133 Mammogram appointment. 40 00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:14,801 -(alarm blares) -Ah! 41 00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:17,804 {\an8}-I told you to clean your room... -MILHOUSE: Ow! 42 00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:20,265 {\an8}...and instead you're watching chest videos. 43 00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:22,684 {\an8}Look at all those bowls of half-eaten cereal. 44 00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:24,894 {\an8}The cereal on the bottom gets soggy. 45 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,772 {\an8}I know how cereal works. Now clean your room. 46 00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:30,191 {\an8}Why should I? It's just gonna get dirty again. 47 00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:32,902 {\an8}I'm in charge. You do what I say. 48 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,238 {\an8}I'll get to it when I get to it. 49 00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:38,658 {\an8}That better not mean what it means when I say it. 50 00:02:38,741 --> 00:02:40,451 {\an8}(squishing) 51 00:02:40,535 --> 00:02:41,786 {\an8}D'oh! 52 00:02:44,205 --> 00:02:47,167 {\an8}That boy has no respect for my authority. 53 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,752 {\an8}Maybe you two are more similar than you'd like to admit. 54 00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:51,171 {\an8}We're not similar. 55 00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:53,298 {\an8}I love being told what to do by someone 56 00:02:53,381 --> 00:02:54,924 {\an8}who's wise in the ways of the world. 57 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,092 {\an8}Love it! 58 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,595 {\an8}Here's what I would do-- in the middle of the night, 59 00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:00,471 {\an8}clean Bart's room for him, 60 00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:03,683 {\an8}then, in the morning, thank him for cleaning his room. 61 00:03:03,766 --> 00:03:05,393 {\an8}You poor woman. 62 00:03:05,476 --> 00:03:08,354 {\an8}Dealing with Bart has turned your mind to ketchup water. 63 00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:12,025 {\an8}You rest. I'll be the boy's father now. 64 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,528 {\an8}I'm done. 65 00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:18,114 {\an8}I'd like it if you ate a little more broccoli. 66 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,074 {\an8}Eh, I'm not feelin' it. 67 00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:21,951 {\an8}Your mother said eat your broccoli. 68 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,786 {\an8}Why do I need to eat broccoli? 69 00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:26,956 So that you can grow up healthy and strong, like... 70 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:30,001 Randy Quaid. Yeah, Randy Quaid. 71 00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:31,294 He's very healthy. 72 00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:33,463 Look, I'll drink another glass of milk. 73 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:36,591 (scoffs) Milk. 74 00:03:36,674 --> 00:03:38,801 That's for babies and old guys who can't sleep at night 75 00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:40,845 because of what they did in the war. 76 00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:41,930 Broccoli. 77 00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:43,932 Hey, what if I eat the broccoli? 78 00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:46,267 I love the stuff. (chuckles) 79 00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:48,478 You eat a sundae. Marge, get Lisa a sundae. 80 00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,521 -MARGE: On it. -You are not leaving this table 81 00:03:50,605 --> 00:03:52,106 {\an8}until you eat that broccoli. 82 00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:55,485 {\an8}And I'm going to sit right here until you do. 83 00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:57,570 (scoffs) You'll never out-sit me. 84 00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:58,780 Oh, really? 85 00:03:58,863 --> 00:04:01,574 You think your skinny butt can sit on that hard, 86 00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:04,994 wooden chair longer than El Gordo? 87 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,871 (gasps) 88 00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:09,749 The sit is on. 89 00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:15,922 {\an8}-Eat your broccoli. -No. 90 00:04:16,005 --> 00:04:17,590 {\an8}-Eat your broccoli. -No. 91 00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:20,426 {\an8}-(snoring) -(alarm rings) 92 00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:22,387 {\an8}-Eat your broccoli. -No. 93 00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:25,848 They've been at it all night. 94 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:29,394 I know, but they're not gonna waste a whole Saturday inside. 95 00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:31,896 -(cell phone rings) -Mm-hmm? 96 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,356 Homer, where are you? 97 00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:35,900 Our fantasy football draft is about to start. 98 00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:37,944 (gasps) Today's our draft. 99 00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:39,821 I've got to pick a good fantasy team. 100 00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:43,658 When I lost last year, they made me do something so humiliating... 101 00:04:43,741 --> 00:04:45,326 Jeebus loves Tebow. 102 00:04:46,577 --> 00:04:47,662 (Homer whimpers) 103 00:04:47,745 --> 00:04:50,373 And so the fat man caves. 104 00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:53,835 If you need me, I'll be up in my room eating cereal. 105 00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:56,963 Half a bowl of cereal. 106 00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:59,841 Marge, I want you-- my wife-- 107 00:04:59,924 --> 00:05:02,635 to draft my fantasy football team. 108 00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:03,886 (all gasp) 109 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:06,889 I-I don't really know that much about the-- 110 00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:10,476 My team name is "Somewhere Over the Dwayne Bowe" 111 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:13,229 and my password is "Annoyed Grunt." 112 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,440 Draft with God, honey. 113 00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:17,317 Eat your broccoli. 114 00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:24,782 (panting) Martin's been secretly taking self-defense courses, 115 00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:26,951 and now he's beating up Nelson. 116 00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:29,287 -MARTIN: Hi-yah! -NELSON: Ow. Ow. Whoa. Aah! 117 00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:31,539 His fat fists are a blur. 118 00:05:31,622 --> 00:05:33,875 I've never seen moves like that. 119 00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:35,668 KEARNEY: And never will again. 120 00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:38,129 Sounds like quite a match. 121 00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:41,424 And here's your ticket to a front-row seat. 122 00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:42,800 No. No. 123 00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:45,303 I'll never eat those filthy mini-trees. 124 00:05:45,386 --> 00:05:48,556 Today, I wear the vest. 125 00:05:48,639 --> 00:05:50,016 Haw. Haw. 126 00:05:50,099 --> 00:05:52,185 (groans) 127 00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:55,605 Now I am never eating that broccoli. 128 00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:58,524 Homie. Homie, the fantasy draft just ended. 129 00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:00,777 I got you five kickers. 130 00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:03,654 It is called football, right? 131 00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:07,283 You are definitely eating that broccoli. 132 00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:10,536 (crickets chirping) 133 00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:13,581 (birds chirping) 134 00:06:13,664 --> 00:06:15,875 {\an8}(Homer and Bart growling) 135 00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:20,421 This has got to stop. 136 00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:22,965 If you don't go to work, you're going to get fired. 137 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,467 I can get another job. 138 00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:26,761 Who wouldn't want to hire a man who won't back down? 139 00:06:26,844 --> 00:06:29,806 I could be a prison warden or a Southern anything. 140 00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:33,142 I've got an idea, but I'll need that broccoli. 141 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,477 (blender whirrs) 142 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,062 These two fruit smoothies 143 00:06:36,145 --> 00:06:38,356 look and taste exactly the same. 144 00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:41,442 One of them, however, has the broccoli blended in. 145 00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:44,237 Bart picks one of the smoothies and drinks it-- 146 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,280 maybe he had the broccoli, maybe he didn't. 147 00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:49,158 No one knows, so neither of you has given in, 148 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,744 and this horrible impasse can come to an end. 149 00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:54,205 -Uh, works for me. -I'm in. 150 00:06:54,288 --> 00:06:56,040 Oh, thank God. 151 00:06:57,041 --> 00:06:58,418 Hmm... 152 00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:05,007 {\an8}-(gasps) -Oh, no, the broccoli. 153 00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:06,968 {\an8}(annoyed grunt) You did that on purpose! 154 00:07:07,051 --> 00:07:09,303 You lick this table clean! 155 00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,180 -Come on. Lick it. -(grunting) 156 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:12,557 (both grunting, groaning) 157 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:14,016 (both grunting) 158 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:16,060 Come on, now, you can still lick it. 159 00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:19,021 Oh, I'm afraid Homer and Bart's problems 160 00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,899 are beyond our power to solve. 161 00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:25,570 There's only one thing left to try. 162 00:07:25,653 --> 00:07:27,738 (snoring) 163 00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:31,617 (snoring) 164 00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:33,703 (both grunt) 165 00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:37,039 (all grunt) 166 00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:40,334 (whispers) And, lift. 167 00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:43,629 Put my sack back on. I'm trying to sleep. 168 00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:45,756 (snores) 169 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,176 (both snoring) 170 00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:50,470 (grunts) Hmm? 171 00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:52,847 (both gasp) 172 00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:59,770 -Where are we? -I don't know. 173 00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:01,689 -Eat your broccoli. -No. 174 00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,446 (Homer gasps) 175 00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:11,991 -We're on an old-time boat. -We've been kidnapped. 176 00:08:12,074 --> 00:08:14,702 (chuckles) Not kidnapped, shanghaied. 177 00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:16,204 BOTH: Oh. 178 00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:18,122 My name is Captain Bowditch. 179 00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:20,583 Your wife signed you up for a week at sea, 180 00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:23,294 where you'll live like sailors, eat like sailors, 181 00:08:23,377 --> 00:08:27,381 and use therapeutic techniques to solve father-son conflicts... 182 00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:28,674 like sailors. 183 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:31,594 BOTH: Hmm? 184 00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:35,973 For there's no better place to solve relationship issues than on... 185 00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:37,683 The Relation Ship. 186 00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:39,936 "Relation Ship." 187 00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:42,563 It works two ways. (laughs) 188 00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:44,774 Pretty good. (laughs) 189 00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:46,317 Pretty good. 190 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:49,862 Hey, lame ass, thanks to you, we're stuck on a stupid therapy boat. 191 00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:51,239 I'm the lame ass? 192 00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:54,742 The only lame ass on this boat is you and all the other lame asses! 193 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,745 (both grunting, groaning) 194 00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:00,540 Shouldn't we do something? 195 00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:01,958 We are doing something. 196 00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,626 We're empathizing. 197 00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:10,049 I just know Bart and Homer are best friends already. 198 00:09:10,132 --> 00:09:12,051 -I can feel it. -(computer dings) 199 00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:15,346 Ooh, I'm getting a message from your father's fantasy football league. 200 00:09:15,429 --> 00:09:17,390 I must still be logged in as him. 201 00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:19,141 (Marge gasps) 202 00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:21,644 Lenny used the "uck" word. 203 00:09:21,727 --> 00:09:23,604 Mom, it's trash talk. 204 00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:26,315 You know how guys say mean things to their friends, 205 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:29,485 the way women say nice things to their enemies. 206 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:32,154 -Oh. -(computer dings) 207 00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:34,031 MARGE: Oh. Mm. 208 00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:36,242 (groaning) 209 00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:39,495 Yikes! 210 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,373 Well, I don't like this trash talk. 211 00:09:42,456 --> 00:09:44,542 And I'm gonna do something about it. 212 00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:47,336 Even if I have to bring in the big guns. 213 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:50,840 Dear Lord, please help Homer's friends understand 214 00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:53,092 that make-believe computer football 215 00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:56,512 is no excuse for using the Internet to be mean. 216 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,180 (cell phone buzzes) 217 00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:05,646 (gasps) Trash talk? 218 00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:08,399 In church? No. 219 00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:09,734 No, not here. 220 00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:11,360 (cell phones buzzing) 221 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:14,113 (gasps) It's everywhere. 222 00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:16,198 And now, a moment of silence 223 00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:20,036 for the victims of the Shelbyville sinkhole. 224 00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:21,787 (cell phone buzzes) 225 00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:23,664 (Marge gasps) 226 00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:26,751 The Wi-Fi. The Wi-Fi. I've got to take out The Wi-Fi. 227 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,963 (groans, panting) 228 00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:36,302 She's under a lot of stress. Her husband's at sea. 229 00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:38,471 (bell dinging) 230 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,307 Ahoy, lads and dads. 231 00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:43,184 It's never easy to talk about 232 00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:45,478 your feelings in front of strangers... 233 00:10:45,561 --> 00:10:47,772 so we're going to sing about them. 234 00:10:47,855 --> 00:10:50,024 ♪ Who wants to sing about their feelings? ♪ 235 00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:52,568 ♪ Who wants to go first and sing about their feelings? ♪ 236 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,695 ♪ I'll go first and sing about my feelings ♪ 237 00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:57,698 ♪ I'm so happy to be singing ♪ 238 00:10:57,782 --> 00:10:59,825 -Now, Homer. -D'oh! 239 00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:04,622 So, Cletus, Gitmo, 240 00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:07,500 what brings you fellas to The Relation Ship? 241 00:11:07,583 --> 00:11:10,086 My daddy's always overpraisin' me. 242 00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:12,046 Aw, that's great honesty, son. 243 00:11:12,129 --> 00:11:13,964 I'm so proud of you. 244 00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:16,509 (scoffs) Why won't you let me fail? 245 00:11:16,592 --> 00:11:19,428 What about you, Bart, Homer? Homer? 246 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:22,848 Lethargy, skin spots, spongy gums-- 247 00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,767 this man's got scurvy. 248 00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:27,103 But we've only been at sea one day. 249 00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,689 When's the last time you had citrus? 250 00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:32,775 I had a mimosa at brunch a few years ago. 251 00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:35,945 Well, Bart, while your father spends the next few days 252 00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:38,114 sucking out of the lemon barrel, 253 00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:41,617 you'll drink deep of the hearty grog of empowerment. 254 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:44,453 -What does that mean? -Mainly climbing. 255 00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:48,457 Except for Wednesday night when we project a movie on the sails. 256 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,626 But, really, a lot of climbing. 257 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,629 (Gilbert and Sullivan's "We Sail the Ocean Blue" playing) 258 00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:26,787 Sheepshank, bowline, clove hitch... 259 00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:28,664 (Homer sucking) 260 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:31,417 Dad, look, I did a round turn with two half hitches. 261 00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:33,252 You lie! 262 00:12:33,335 --> 00:12:35,337 (gasps) Wait a minute. 263 00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:37,006 Windswept hair, rugged tan, 264 00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:38,674 rough, calloused hands. 265 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,635 -You're enjoying this, aren't you?! -So what if I am? 266 00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:43,804 You're my son, and you will hate what I hate. 267 00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,681 Angled parking. Lemons. 268 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:48,809 Kickstarters by famous guys who already have lots of money. 269 00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:50,227 And this boat! 270 00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:52,563 I'm old enough to choose my own things to hate. 271 00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:54,064 And the things I like. 272 00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:56,066 And I like being a sailor. 273 00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:58,694 Betrayed by my worst enemy. 274 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,821 I never would have seen it coming. 275 00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:04,241 Why, Bart, that's a perfect halyard cleat. 276 00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:06,035 Just like you taught me, Captain. 277 00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:08,829 Over, under, over, under, over, under, under, under, over, over, 278 00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:11,665 over, over, over, over, over, under, over, half hitch. 279 00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:13,793 Well, the standard form is under, over, under, over, 280 00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:15,085 under, under, under, under, under, 281 00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:18,339 over, over, under, under, under, under, around, over, over, under... 282 00:13:18,422 --> 00:13:20,090 Fathers, sons, 283 00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:23,344 together we've made a lot of progress on this voyage. 284 00:13:23,427 --> 00:13:25,346 I learned that left is called "port." 285 00:13:25,429 --> 00:13:28,015 I finally got over my sea sickness. 286 00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:29,517 (retches) 287 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,061 Terrific, Homer. Just terrific. 288 00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:35,689 But one sailor has truly taken to nautical life. 289 00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:40,110 I hereby award Bart Simpson the post of midshipman. 290 00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:44,698 Wow. So now I can give orders? 291 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,034 That's right, Mr. Midshipman. 292 00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:50,538 Wait a minute. I'm his father. He can't order me around. 293 00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:52,081 He's your superior officer, 294 00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:54,792 so he can and will order you around. 295 00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:57,461 And what if I refuse? 296 00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:58,879 Oh! 297 00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:00,965 I'm sorry we had to discipline you. 298 00:14:01,048 --> 00:14:02,925 On the positive side, you won't miss out 299 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:05,302 on the father-son hornpipe dance. 300 00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:07,972 (playing accordion) 301 00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:13,018 Oh, I hate the Golden Age of Sail. 302 00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:21,569 (whistles) 303 00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:23,153 Officer on deck! 304 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,701 Seaman Homer, you're supposed to be swabbing the deck. 305 00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:30,786 Why should I? It's just gonna get dirty again. 306 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,872 I'm in charge. You do what I say. 307 00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:35,124 Fine. I'll swab whatever you say. 308 00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:37,626 {\an8}Look! I'm swabbing the deck. 309 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:41,547 I'm swabbing this giant tree that the sail grows out of. 310 00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:44,049 Ooh! I'm swabbing the top of the ocean. 311 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:46,886 Ooh! Swab, swab, swab... 312 00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:49,221 Hey! What the... 313 00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:51,974 Fantasy football has turned every man in this town 314 00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:54,560 into a trash-talking monster. 315 00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:58,105 Oh, face it-- all men live in a sad world 316 00:14:58,188 --> 00:15:02,693 of profanity, boob jokes, and tired comedy references. 317 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:06,822 {\an8}-Más cowbell! -(laughter) 318 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,491 There's only one thing that will shut these guys up. 319 00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:12,953 You got to beat one of them at fantasy football. 320 00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:15,164 (dramatic, epic sports theme music playing) 321 00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:18,083 Then that's what I'm gonna do. 322 00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:19,418 NARRATOR: Game day. 323 00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:21,170 As an icy mist rose 324 00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:23,672 from a package of defrosting hamburger meat, 325 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,091 desktop gladiator Marge Simpson 326 00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:28,594 prepared to lead her husband's team against 327 00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:32,097 undefeated trash-talker Moe Szyslak. 328 00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:34,266 {\an8}Mom did everything-- she checked injury lists, 329 00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:37,186 {\an8}scouting reports, she even studied the tapes. 330 00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:40,147 NARRATOR: The tapes of The Real Housewives of Tampa Bay, 331 00:15:40,230 --> 00:15:43,400 where she watched star running back Lakwando Demarius 332 00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,945 get kicked out of his house after buying his wife 333 00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:48,113 the wrong color convertible. 334 00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:50,658 That doesn't match my phone! 335 00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:52,952 Lakwando's mind won't be on the game. 336 00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:55,788 And... benched. 337 00:15:55,871 --> 00:15:58,540 And now to make my big move. 338 00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:01,543 {\an8}Homer's team e-mailed asking to start five kickers. 339 00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:04,171 {\an8}I was like, "Okay, it's, uh, your funeral." 340 00:16:04,254 --> 00:16:06,715 {\an8}NARRATOR: There would be no funeral. 341 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:11,470 {\an8}High winds, unlocked by the savage power of climate change, 342 00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:15,808 {\an8}allowed Marge's five kickers to launch a long-range campaign 343 00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:18,435 of three-point annihilation. 344 00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:20,521 An 85-yard field goal? 345 00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:22,731 You got to be kidding me! Refresh, refresh. 346 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:26,527 NARRATOR: But no amount of refreshing could alter the facts-- 347 00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:28,529 Despite a breathtaking ignorance 348 00:16:28,612 --> 00:16:30,864 and a powerful dislike of the sport, 349 00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:34,827 a rookie housewife had defeated a savvy veteran, 350 00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:37,871 proving conclusively that fantasy football 351 00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:40,666 is basically just luck. 352 00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:43,961 Ahoy, Midshipman. 353 00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:46,422 I hope your voyage on The Relation Ship 354 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:49,008 is proving interpersonally fruitful. 355 00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:50,217 I don't know. 356 00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:53,262 It's really hard when someone doesn't respect your authority. 357 00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:55,264 Epiphany ho. 358 00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:58,100 And I'm sure your father has been doing some growing 359 00:16:58,183 --> 00:16:59,768 and learning of his own. 360 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:03,939 ♪ I found some booze in another dad's bag ♪ 361 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,941 ♪ Drunk, drunk ♪ 362 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:08,861 ♪ Drunk on a boat ♪ 363 00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:10,362 Yi-yo-yu! 364 00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:13,699 (grunts) You don't need booze, Homer. 365 00:17:13,782 --> 00:17:17,578 I went to sea because I'm a recovering alcoholic. 366 00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:20,497 But out here on the waves, I no longer crave 367 00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:24,126 the sweet, warm, soothing flavors 368 00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:27,629 of yummy, yummy rummy. 369 00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:29,715 (gulping) 370 00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:32,301 I love this boat! 371 00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:36,096 With all its pullies and flappies and... 372 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:38,140 Everything has a name. 373 00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:39,641 You know what, Homer? 374 00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,810 I've always wanted to eat a parrot. 375 00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:44,813 What's the big deal? It's just like a green chicken! 376 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,482 Yeah... 377 00:17:47,983 --> 00:17:50,611 NARRATOR: But fortune did not favor The Relation Ship, 378 00:17:50,694 --> 00:17:55,324 as the same winds that lofted Marge's fantasy field goals to victory 379 00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:57,367 now sent gales of doom 380 00:17:57,451 --> 00:18:00,704 toward this vessel of questionable therapeutic value. 381 00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:02,748 (thunder rumbling) 382 00:18:02,831 --> 00:18:06,001 White lightnin' squall! 383 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,253 Why is the captain just juggling? 384 00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:10,839 Okay, o-okay. 385 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,841 I can do this. I can do this. 386 00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:15,177 Someone count me in! 387 00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:17,346 I said count me in! 388 00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:20,265 Don't worry, I'll radio the Coast Guard for help. 389 00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:23,185 The therapy bears! Look out for the therapy bears! 390 00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:27,189 Oh! 391 00:18:31,026 --> 00:18:33,112 I'm a-comin', bears! 392 00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:43,789 Don't stand there gawking like a dang fool! 393 00:18:43,872 --> 00:18:47,167 -Do somethin', boy! -You criticized me! 394 00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:49,169 That's all I ever wanted, Daddy, 395 00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:51,880 -honest parenting. -Aw... 396 00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:56,218 Now I'm the ship's highest-ranking officer. 397 00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:58,428 It's up to me to get us to shore. 398 00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:03,392 Dad, we can make it to harbor 399 00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:05,894 if we can just sail around that lighthouse. 400 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,896 Are you crazy? We'll never make it! 401 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,940 Drop the anchor and wait out the storm! 402 00:19:10,023 --> 00:19:12,192 No, we need to sail. 403 00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:13,652 I'm dropping the anchor! 404 00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:15,404 Can't you just do what I say? 405 00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:17,739 You've never done what I say-- ever! 406 00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:19,408 (booming, crashing) 407 00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:24,371 (gasps) 408 00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:27,749 -(gulps, groans) -(gasps) 409 00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:30,836 Now can we please respect each other? 410 00:19:30,919 --> 00:19:32,838 (booming, crashing) 411 00:19:32,921 --> 00:19:35,424 Yes, son. We can. 412 00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:39,094 Awaiting your orders, Mr. Midshipman! 413 00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,680 Put up the storm jib and haul in the main sheet! 414 00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:44,099 Aye aye, sir. 415 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:47,686 Another success story for The Relation Ship. 416 00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:51,607 (glugging) 417 00:19:56,111 --> 00:19:57,905 (humming happily) 418 00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:00,866 (humming happily) 419 00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:09,291 So, did your sailing adventure help you work out your issues? 420 00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:11,835 Does this answer your question? 421 00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:14,379 {\an8}(sailor's hornpipe music plays) 422 00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:20,886 Yar! Quite a hornpipe thar be. 423 00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:24,431 But, uh, surely you would never have gone on a sea adventure 424 00:20:24,514 --> 00:20:27,392 without your old friend, the Sea Captain. 425 00:20:29,269 --> 00:20:31,146 -(tires screech) -Yar. 426 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:34,191 That's gonna hurt for a long time. 427 00:20:34,274 --> 00:20:36,151 Yar. 428 00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:38,820 (Gilbert and Sullivan's "We Sail the Ocean Blue" playing) 429 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,253 {\an8}♪ My name is Joseph Bowditch ♪ 430 00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:57,005 {\an8}♪ From a seaport known as Mystic ♪ 431 00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,800 {\an8}♪ I sail at dawn, bound for Cape Horn ♪ 432 00:20:59,883 --> 00:21:02,010 {\an8}♪ And counseling holistic ♪ 433 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,845 {\an8}♪ We'll work your conflicts out ♪ 434 00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:07,266 {\an8}♪ Through sailing's therapeutic powers ♪ 435 00:21:07,349 --> 00:21:09,559 {\an8}♪ The fresh water is limited ♪ 436 00:21:09,643 --> 00:21:12,062 {\an8}♪ So please combine your showers ♪ 437 00:21:12,145 --> 00:21:14,856 {\an8}-♪ To me ♪ -♪ Way, heal away ♪ 438 00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:17,401 {\an8}-♪ We'll heal away, Joe ♪ -♪ Whoop ♪ 439 00:21:17,484 --> 00:21:19,194 {\an8}HOMER: ♪ I got a bad sunburn ♪ 440 00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:22,447 {\an8}♪ And I was crapped on by a seagull ♪ 441 00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,616 {\an8}♪ I don't see any lifeboats ♪ 442 00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:27,494 {\an8}♪ And I don't think that is legal ♪ 443 00:21:27,577 --> 00:21:32,040 {\an8}♪ Way, heal away, we'll heal away, Joe ♪ 444 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:34,167 {\an8}-♪ To me ♪ -Shh! 445 00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:39,965 Subtitled by A. Vandelay