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CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
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00:00:03,962 --> 00:00:06,214
(humming)
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D'oh!
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00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:10,510
(tires screeching)
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(grunts)
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(screams)
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(grunting)
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(grunting)
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(grunting)
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Huh?
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Ay, caramba!
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{\an8}(chuckles)
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{\an8}I haven't ridden a bike
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00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:42,167
{\an8}since Lance Armstrong
was a good guy.
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{\an8}Geez, Lis, you're riding
the girliest bike in the world.
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00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,090
{\an8}Ooh, I stand corrected.
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{\an8}(hums)
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{\an8}Hey, dipwad, bikes only.
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00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:55,096
{\an8}I need to pay my water bill.
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00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:57,098
{\an8}Not on motorized transport, you don't.
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00:00:57,182 --> 00:01:00,727
{\an8}What you need to get
is out of our way.
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{\an8}Yeah, bikes win again!
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{\an8}Trains win again!
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{\an8}When will you people give up
your dependence on handlebars?
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{\an8}Quite a Schwinn-dig, eh?
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{\an8}Shut up, biking Flanders.
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{\an8}(bicycle bell dings)
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{\an8}Chief, no, don't go
in the doughnut shop!
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{\an8}Your pants are too tight!
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{\an8}Oh, I'm just gonna eat one little...
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{\an8}Drinkers, if you go on the wagon,
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{\an8}make sure
it's the Duff Beer Wagon.
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{\an8}Oh, yeah!
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{\an8}Duffman,
how about a 21-thrust salute
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{\an8}to America's military?
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{\an8}My hips are proud
to honor our endless war.
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{\an8}One, two, three...
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{\an8}-(cracking)
-Ow, God!
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{\an8}Something's wrong with Barry.
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{\an8}Never use...
my mortal name in public.
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{\an8}I have very troubling news.
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{\an8}(chuckles)
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{\an8}Duffman is undergoing
hip replacement surgery.
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{\an8}Now, Barry will be fine,
but as of this moment
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{\an8}there is no Duffman.
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{\an8}(gasping)
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{\an8}They came for Joe Camel,
and I said nothing.
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00:02:09,921 --> 00:02:12,006
{\an8}They came for the Frito Bandito,
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{\an8}and still I said nothing.
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{\an8}So what are you saying now?
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{\an8}About what?
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{\an8}(humming)
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{\an8}(groans)
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{\an8}(humming)
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{\an8}KENT BROCKMAN:
Duffman, the man, has retired.
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00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,399
{\an8}But Duffman, the idea, endures.
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{\an8}Authorities are unsure
whether the empty bottles
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{\an8}are a beautiful tribute
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{\an8}or just drunks too lazy
to find a trash can.
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{\an8}Either way,
the Duff Corporation announces
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{\an8}an open televised competition
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{\an8}to find out who will be
the next Duffman.
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00:02:41,786 --> 00:02:44,622
{\an8}In other news,
the Chinese land on Mars.
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{\an8}Also, no more elephants.
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{\an8}Now, for more cool,
refreshing news...
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{\an8}Marge, what would you think
if I tried out to be Duffman?
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{\an8}I know why you want
to be Duffman.
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{\an8}It's so you can drink free beer
and get shnockered all day.
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00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:03,099
{\an8}Sure, I admit I get "shnockered"
once in a while.
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00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:05,894
{\an8}I might have been "lacquered"
from time to time.
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00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:09,564
{\an8}I may have, how you say,
had a subconjunctival hemorrhage.
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{\an8}(chuckles)
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{\an8}But this isn't about that.
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{\an8}Then what is this about?
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{\an8}Marge, if I died today,
the obituary would read,
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00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:25,872
{\an8}"H. Simpson, father of three,
extra pallbearers needed."
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{\an8}Being Duffman would give me
another line.
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{\an8}Okay, sweetie, you can try.
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{\an8}Great, but it won't be easy.
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{\an8}I got to start practicing now.
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{\an8}Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Ow!
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(theme music playing)
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ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,
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your hostess,
the inescapable Cat Deeley.
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Are you ready to find out
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who will be America's
next Duffman?
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Yes, Cat, yes!
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A million times, yes!
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America's next Duffman
will be selected
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00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:05,745
by the planet's foremost experts
in the field of party starting--
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00:04:05,828 --> 00:04:08,331
best-selling electronica artist,
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00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:10,875
Der Zip Zorp.
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Former Duff Girl and current
senator from Oklahoma,
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00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:16,214
the Honorable Missy LeBeau.
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00:04:16,297 --> 00:04:19,050
I look reasonable, but I'm not.
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00:04:19,133 --> 00:04:22,053
And billionaire Mumbai entrepreneur,
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00:04:22,136 --> 00:04:23,513
Rajneesh Superstar.
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00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:26,099
Bottle service, ballers!
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00:04:26,182 --> 00:04:28,643
(audience cheers)
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00:04:28,726 --> 00:04:31,229
Now let's welcome the Chairman
of Duff Industries,
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Mr. H.K. Duff VII.
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00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:38,653
Thank you, Cat.
I just want to say,
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00:04:38,736 --> 00:04:41,155
if we can't find ourselves
a Duffman out of this group,
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then maybe we'll just give up
on the concept.
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Brilliant!
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Now, let's find our Duffman.
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{\an8}♪ I'm... coming up ♪
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♪ So you better
get this party started ♪
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♪ I'm... coming up... ♪
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00:04:57,755 --> 00:04:58,965
{\an8}Oh, yeah!
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00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:02,093
My two favorite words
aside from "Seacrest passed,"
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00:05:02,176 --> 00:05:03,678
can I get an "Oh, yeah"?
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Oh... ja.
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(crowd jeering)
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Oh, yes.
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(jeering)
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Ach.
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NELSON:
Haw-haw.
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♪ Vo-de-oh-doh-doh ♪
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(jeering)
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Oh, yeah!
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(crowd cheering)
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{\an8}♪ I'm... coming up ♪
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♪ So you better
get this party started ♪
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♪ I'm... coming up ♪
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♪ So you better get... ♪
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Did you miss me?
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Like Mexico misses California.
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It's down to two.
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And before revealing
our results,
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former Duffman, Barry Huffman,
is here to wish you luck.
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I was told there would be morphine.
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Oh, yeah.
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Homer, any last thoughts
on what Duff means to you?
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Without Duff,
I wouldn't have brought
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00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:04,322
three beautiful children
into the world.
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That's right, man.
We're beer babies.
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00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:08,201
AUDIENCE:
Aw...
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00:06:08,284 --> 00:06:09,577
(groans)
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00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:11,162
The judges are conferring.
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(discussing)
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We have our decision.
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Karma is in the house, dawg!
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Homer,
your words were beautiful.
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That is exactly why
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you're America's Next Top Duffman...
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runner-up!
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(cheers)
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00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:33,309
(groans)
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00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:37,021
The real winner
is America's new hero--
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contestant number 12!
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00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:41,984
(dance music playing)
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00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:51,327
(making alarmed computer noises)
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What is it, Der Zip Zorp?
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Olde Ogdenville Ale?
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He drinks a competitor.
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00:06:58,918 --> 00:06:59,961
Reverse the confetti.
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00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,256
And check the fat guy
for tattoos.
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00:07:03,339 --> 00:07:06,676
Just one that says
"Marge Madness."
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00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:10,346
These reality shows really
leave you no privacy.
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00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:13,015
Well, I guess that
makes this guy Duffman.
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00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:15,476
Ooh, ooh, ooh,
do I get the confetti?!
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One confettus.
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00:07:18,896 --> 00:07:20,648
Ow! I mean... Whoo-hoo!
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00:07:20,731 --> 00:07:22,275
I mean, oh, yeah!
166
00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:28,948
("Game of Thrones" theme playing)
167
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,619
♪ ♪
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00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:38,249
(squawking)
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00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,261
(squawks)
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00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:05,943
{\an8}That's how we'll tell the trades
you got the job.
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00:08:06,027 --> 00:08:07,945
Seems awfully overproduced.
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00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,280
Just take the oath.
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♪ ♪
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Night gathers,
and now my Duff watch begins.
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00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:17,455
It shall not end until my death.
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00:08:17,538 --> 00:08:20,291
Or my 13-week option
is not picked up.
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00:08:20,374 --> 00:08:24,045
I shall take no wife,
hold no lands, and father no children,
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00:08:24,128 --> 00:08:26,714
except for the wife and house
and kids I'm already stuck with.
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I shall wear
no other beer's crowns.
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00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:33,596
I am the six-pack hidden
in Daddy's secret cabinet.
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00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,973
I put the "fest" in Oktoberfest
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00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:38,643
and sell for eight bucks
at ballparks,
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00:08:38,726 --> 00:08:42,647
though I have nothing to offer
but my suds, head and beers,
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00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,440
and promotional cozies,
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00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:48,277
for this night
and all the nights to come.
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00:08:55,743 --> 00:08:59,080
MAN:
When life looks hopeless, it's not.
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♪ Duff Beer, feeling no pain ♪
188
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:07,171
♪ Made from Canadian rain ♪
189
00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:11,342
♪ Tastes like nickel champagne ♪
190
00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:15,346
♪ It will tickle your brain ♪
191
00:09:15,429 --> 00:09:19,433
♪ Duff Beer, feeling no pain ♪
192
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:23,187
♪ Made from Canadian rain ♪
193
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:26,816
And here's a painting
of my ancestor, Ichabod Duff,
194
00:09:26,899 --> 00:09:29,110
crossing the Duffaware River.
195
00:09:29,193 --> 00:09:31,112
Ah, hell, this is all BS.
196
00:09:31,195 --> 00:09:33,656
Duffman was a fascist icon
my grandfather repurposed
197
00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:36,367
'cause he couldn't get the damn rights
to Woody Woodpecker.
198
00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:38,703
Mr. Duff,
can I ask what's in this safe?
199
00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:42,248
Little lady, inside that safe
is the formula for Duff itself,
200
00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:44,041
known only to three people--
201
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:48,170
me, Condoleezza Rice,
and my brother-in-law Terry.
202
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:50,965
And the combination
is not known to any human...
203
00:09:51,048 --> 00:09:52,466
Uh, what the...?
204
00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,260
"Schlitz plus water."
205
00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:57,179
Why don't you kids run off
and play in the bottle cap pit?
206
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:58,973
Don't cut yourselves!
207
00:09:59,056 --> 00:10:01,559
Mr. Duff,
I want to say something.
208
00:10:01,642 --> 00:10:03,227
I'm proud of my husband,
209
00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:06,647
but I'm not sure if this is something
Homie should be doing.
210
00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:08,482
Just what do you mean?
211
00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:11,068
Well,
aren't you making him a superhero
212
00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:13,279
so that beer looks cool to kids?
213
00:10:13,362 --> 00:10:15,781
(laughs)
214
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,074
Uh, Marge,
215
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:19,410
let me tell you a little
something about beer.
216
00:10:19,493 --> 00:10:21,912
Do you know why man stopped
running around,
217
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:24,582
lassoing mastodons,
and became civilized?
218
00:10:24,665 --> 00:10:25,833
No.
219
00:10:25,916 --> 00:10:28,336
So he could grow hops
and make beer.
220
00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:30,171
-It's true.
-Oh.
221
00:10:30,254 --> 00:10:32,840
Our beer has helped people
celebrate weddings.
222
00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:34,133
Enjoy a good game.
223
00:10:34,216 --> 00:10:36,427
Ease the pain
of a lost loved one.
224
00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:39,138
That's the tradition
your husband will inherit.
225
00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:41,849
Geez, now you make me
want to drink it.
226
00:10:41,932 --> 00:10:44,268
Attagirl, have a designer bag.
227
00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:47,688
Now, Homer, there is one thing
we needed to do in private.
228
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:48,648
Okay, what...?
229
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:49,649
Ow!
230
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,025
Hey, that's not my butt!
231
00:10:51,108 --> 00:10:52,693
We've injected a chip in you
232
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:54,236
that detects the slightest presence
233
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,780
of alcohol in your blood.
234
00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:58,115
You see, Duffman cannot drink.
235
00:10:58,199 --> 00:11:01,202
(laughing)
What? That's funny.
236
00:11:01,285 --> 00:11:03,663
I thought you just said
that Duffman can't drink.
237
00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:04,955
(laughs)
238
00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:06,666
But that would be crazy.
239
00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:08,417
They all fight it at first.
240
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,252
(laughs)
241
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:13,506
You wouldn't tell Batman
he couldn't eat bats.
242
00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:15,841
When you're Duffman,
you're at work, Homer.
243
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:18,844
You wouldn't go to the nuclear plant
drunk, would you?
244
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,846
Uh...
245
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:22,515
Well, uh...
246
00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:25,601
My husband won't have
any problem not drinking.
247
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,061
Yeah...
248
00:11:27,144 --> 00:11:29,063
The only reason he wanted
to become Duffman
249
00:11:29,146 --> 00:11:31,107
was to be respected and beloved.
250
00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:32,566
Uh...
251
00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:36,654
And what better way to do that
than to be stone-cold sober?
252
00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:37,947
(moans)
253
00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:39,949
When my husband
put on that costume,
254
00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:41,951
he didn't just
put on a sleeveless shirt
255
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:45,705
that says "Duff" on it
and a cape for some reason,
256
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:47,498
he put on responsibility.
257
00:11:47,581 --> 00:11:51,043
And boots that I don't think
will hold up in the rain.
258
00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:53,879
But the point is--
it's not about being drunk,
259
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:56,549
it's about being someone.
260
00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:58,551
You're right, Marge.
261
00:11:58,634 --> 00:12:03,097
I will do something no one has
ever done-- be fun sober.
262
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:05,891
What a crisp
and refreshing attitude.
263
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:10,896
Hey, this stuff is pretty good.
264
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,694
Mmm, foamy Marge.
265
00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:18,988
(babbling)
266
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:21,407
Uh, that's the chip.
267
00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:22,575
No drinking.
268
00:12:22,658 --> 00:12:25,411
I was licking my wife.
269
00:12:25,494 --> 00:12:28,414
Can you believe they
put a chip in my arm,
270
00:12:28,497 --> 00:12:29,707
and I can't drink beer?
271
00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:31,917
-Ah.
-Ah, gee, tough break.
272
00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:34,128
Maybe Moe could dig it out
with a corkscrew.
273
00:12:34,211 --> 00:12:35,212
Yeah.
274
00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:37,131
Oh, I would love that,
Homer, I really would.
275
00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:39,675
But then Duff might take away
my neon sign,
276
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:42,136
and, uh, it's the only thing
lighting the bar.
277
00:12:42,219 --> 00:12:43,929
BARNEY:
Whoa, creepy.
278
00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:47,349
(Bart and Lisa laugh
mischievously)
279
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:50,019
Stop shooting those at each other.
280
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:53,481
Relax, honey, no one's ever
been killed by a T-shirt cannon.
281
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:05,534
Oh, no, it's the 5:00 blahs.
282
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:08,537
CLOCKS:
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
283
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,956
Help us, Duffman!
284
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,124
(laughs heroically)
285
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:13,125
(screams)
286
00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:15,169
Drink Duff!
287
00:13:15,252 --> 00:13:17,046
(crowd cheers)
288
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:18,881
Care to team up with Fruit Batman?
289
00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:22,134
I'm thinking of dumping
Kid Sourpuss here.
290
00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:26,138
I'm a hero.
Oh, I can see my obituary now.
291
00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:29,642
Wow. Wow!
292
00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:32,895
{\an8}COMMENTATOR: Watkins putting
for the championship.
293
00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:36,190
{\an8}It's breaking towards the hole.
294
00:13:36,273 --> 00:13:39,693
Time to move from the links
to the drinks!
295
00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:41,487
(cheering)
296
00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:44,323
♪ ♪
297
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,290
Well, if you guys like commercials,
298
00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:54,834
you're gonna love this.
299
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:57,419
Wait, we never said
we liked commercials.
300
00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,171
♪ Drink, drink ♪
301
00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:01,006
♪ Let the toast start ♪
302
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:03,759
♪ May young hearts never part ♪
303
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,511
♪ Drink, drink, drink ♪
304
00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:10,099
♪ Let every true lover
salute his sweetheart... ♪
305
00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:12,518
{\an8}♪ Drink, drink, drink to... ♪
306
00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:17,773
H.K., this new Duffman
is driving sales straight up.
307
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:20,192
Turns out, men like men
who look worse than them
308
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:21,610
selling them beer.
309
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:25,281
Why did it take us 142 years
to discover this?
310
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,950
Because executives are
incompetent, sir?
311
00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:29,869
Well, then why do I have so many?
312
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:32,621
Studies show when a decision
is made by a group,
313
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,290
everyone feels more confident,
314
00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:36,834
even though the decision
could be incredibly stupid.
315
00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:39,336
-Is this true?
-(affirming)
316
00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:41,714
Can't argue with that.
What do you guys think?
317
00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:43,507
(affirming)
318
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:46,218
Did I hear a no
from section C-72?
319
00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:49,096
Oh, uh, no,
that was a, uh, "whoa!"
320
00:14:49,179 --> 00:14:50,431
(chuckling)
Oh.
321
00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:52,975
Give the whole
lower bowl a raise.
322
00:14:54,476 --> 00:14:56,520
Uh, welcome aboard, Duffman.
323
00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:58,480
Fair warning now-- at the end,
324
00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:01,567
I just might ask
for an autograph for my son.
325
00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:04,236
Here you go-- they're all pre-signed.
With nicknames.
326
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,572
Buddy, Sport, Tiger, Red.
327
00:15:06,655 --> 00:15:08,324
Uh, give me a "Red."
328
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:09,617
I'll start calling him that now,
329
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,827
and then give it to him
on his birthday.
330
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,829
Now, where to, sir?
331
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,372
Oh, this is a romantic night.
332
00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:17,082
How about everywhere?
333
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:18,250
All right.
334
00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:20,920
Navigator,
set a course for everywhere.
335
00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:22,087
Where the hell is that?
336
00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:23,672
I said everywhere!
337
00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:27,384
Now, Homer,
look through the beeriscope,
338
00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:29,386
and gaze upon the wonderful world
339
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:32,014
that you and Duff have created.
340
00:15:47,571 --> 00:15:50,032
Captain, it never dawned on me
341
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:52,409
beer could have such a dark side.
342
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,828
You must be talking about
new Duff Stout.
343
00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:55,871
Take us down.
344
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,373
I have to think.
345
00:15:57,456 --> 00:16:00,167
To be honest, you said
you wanted to go everywhere.
346
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:02,544
So we ran out of fuel
an hour ago,
347
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:04,797
but I didn't want
to disappoint you,
348
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,341
so I will toss down a tow rope.
349
00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:12,763
Hey, come here. Man...
350
00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:17,601
Uh... this is not good.
351
00:16:21,021 --> 00:16:23,357
(sighs)
Marge, do you ever worry
352
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:26,193
that you made
a giant mistake in your life?
353
00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:28,237
Oh, um...
354
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:29,947
I need a little context.
355
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:33,117
Not drinking beer has given me
the clearness of mind
356
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:36,120
to realize drinking beer is bad.
357
00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:38,038
I've got to undo what I've done.
358
00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:40,207
Hey, how you doing?
359
00:16:42,292 --> 00:16:44,378
(dance music playing)
360
00:16:44,461 --> 00:16:48,173
Is this the most outrageous party
you've ever been to?
361
00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:50,050
(cheering, affirming)
362
00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:51,552
Well, guess what.
363
00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:55,431
You've all been served nothing
but nonalcoholic Duff.
364
00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:56,890
(spectators gasping)
365
00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:59,727
BARNEY:
Then why am I throwing up right now?
366
00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:01,395
As Duffman, I had the power
367
00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:04,398
to switch the beer trucks
working this race.
368
00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:11,238
(screams)
369
00:17:11,321 --> 00:17:14,825
So you see, you don't need beer
to have a good time.
370
00:17:14,908 --> 00:17:17,494
Join Duffman today in saying,
371
00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:21,665
"I've had enough
of that life-ruining Duff!"
372
00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:23,667
Why the hell did you do this?
373
00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:25,169
Because Duffman is a hero.
374
00:17:25,252 --> 00:17:28,047
And with great taste
comes great responsibility.
375
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:31,008
Well, "hero," here come your fans.
376
00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:32,509
(shouting indistinctly)
377
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:33,969
(yelps)
378
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,180
-(engine starts)
-So long, suckers!
379
00:17:36,263 --> 00:17:37,514
(laughing maniacally)
380
00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:43,645
What the...?!
381
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:45,064
So long, suckers!
382
00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:47,900
(Homer laughing maniacally)
383
00:17:47,983 --> 00:17:49,109
What the...?!
384
00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:50,277
It's a circle.
385
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:52,696
So the answer is--
go in reverse.
386
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,073
So long, suckers.
387
00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:55,532
(Homer laughing maniacally)
388
00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:56,658
What the...?!
389
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,410
I'm not sure
how many more times
390
00:17:58,494 --> 00:18:01,497
we can watch Dad chased down
by an angry crowd
391
00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:03,290
before it affects us psychologically.
392
00:18:03,373 --> 00:18:05,292
As a family therapist,
I can assure you
393
00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:07,836
that you have
all the coping skills you need.
394
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,922
Why is Lisa talking to an empty seat?
395
00:18:10,005 --> 00:18:11,924
See you next Tuesday, Dr. Schulman.
396
00:18:12,007 --> 00:18:14,843
Oh, right.
You're in Maui.
397
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:15,928
(whimpers)
398
00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:17,429
Hey, my beer.
399
00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:18,430
(screams)
400
00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:21,475
(panting frantically)
401
00:18:21,558 --> 00:18:23,852
(gargling)
402
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,646
Get him back in uniform.
403
00:18:27,272 --> 00:18:29,108
Hmm.
404
00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:30,317
Homer, now, listen to me.
405
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,861
You're in a stadium
surrounded by people
406
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,363
who want to kill you.
407
00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:36,698
They don't have the guts.
408
00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:37,866
Ow.
409
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,160
Now, there's one way
out of your hell.
410
00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:42,704
Prove you still love beer.
411
00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:44,790
Drink this with gusto.
412
00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:46,291
B-But the chip.
413
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:47,709
There never was a chip.
414
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:49,878
It was all the power of suggestion.
415
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:51,171
You tricked me!
416
00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:53,507
And I trusted you
after you snuck up
417
00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:56,218
and injected me
without my consent.
418
00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:58,554
Just drink the beer, pretty boy.
419
00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:01,640
Whatever you do,
you'll be my hero.
420
00:19:03,016 --> 00:19:04,935
Now you're pushing it.
421
00:19:05,018 --> 00:19:08,772
Homie, it's time to go.
422
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,107
Come on, come on.
423
00:19:10,190 --> 00:19:12,985
Give me the beer inside you!
424
00:19:13,068 --> 00:19:14,403
Oi.
425
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:18,490
This place seems
even sadder than before.
426
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,701
Uh, yeah, well,
I kind of gloomed it up a little
427
00:19:20,784 --> 00:19:21,785
while you were gone.
428
00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:25,164
Nothing to see here, sunshine.
429
00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:26,331
(sighs)
430
00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:29,334
(slurring)
H-Hey, y-you used to be Duffman.
431
00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:31,253
Can I get a picture with you?
432
00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:33,589
(gasps)
I finally made it.
433
00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:35,591
I'm a has-been.
434
00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:37,342
Yeah, I guess you're right.
435
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:39,636
Ah, let's make it official, eh?
436
00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:44,266
Aw...
437
00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:50,606
Oh, yeah.
438
00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:53,233
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
439
00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:55,777
Sir, may I interest you
in a French hazelnut latte
440
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:57,279
and an Iggy Azalea CD?
441
00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:59,781
I'm not here for three-buck coffee.
442
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:02,784
I'm here to ask you
to be Duffman again.
443
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:04,453
And to use the bathroom.
444
00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:06,163
I don't know what you're
talking about, sir.
445
00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:09,041
Fine, can you tell me
where your travel mugs are?
446
00:20:09,124 --> 00:20:10,125
Yeah, over there.
447
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:13,086
Come on, Barry, I know it's you.
448
00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:15,422
Sorry, H.K.,
I traded in my beer goggles
449
00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:17,507
for coffee-grinding pince-nez.
450
00:20:17,591 --> 00:20:20,135
Are you telling me
you don't miss the big time?
451
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,846
The girls on the side,
the corporate jet?
452
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:25,515
There's talk of an animated series.
453
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:29,102
Duffman would like a job
where he could phone it in.
454
00:20:29,186 --> 00:20:31,438
You just called yourself Duffman.
455
00:20:31,521 --> 00:20:34,358
Duffman never took off his tights!
456
00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:36,318
Let's go, girls!
457
00:20:36,401 --> 00:20:38,111
But we're managers here.
458
00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:41,657
They learned the register
better than me! Oh, yeah!
459
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:29,162
Oh, yeah!
460
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,960
Subtitled by Jimmy Boots