1 00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:06,214 CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:08,633 (humming) 3 00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:12,887 Ooh. 4 00:00:12,971 --> 00:00:14,139 (gasps) 5 00:00:14,222 --> 00:00:16,391 {\an8}♪ ♪ 6 00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:18,852 Homer forgot his lunch box. 7 00:00:18,935 --> 00:00:20,437 (stomach gurgling) 8 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:21,855 {\an8}Missed lunch. 9 00:00:21,938 --> 00:00:24,941 {\an8}No energy... for second half of day. 10 00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:27,527 {\an8}(shouts) 11 00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:33,825 {\an8}Empty. 12 00:00:33,908 --> 00:00:36,202 {\an8}What kind of wife would allow her man to go to work 13 00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:39,205 {\an8}without his baggie of pita chips, a peeled clementine, 14 00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:41,666 {\an8}and little sandwiches cut into football shapes? 15 00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:43,835 {\an8}♪ ♪ 16 00:00:45,086 --> 00:00:46,921 {\an8}(honking) 17 00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,339 {\an8}Move it! 18 00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:49,883 {\an8}My husband is starving! 19 00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:51,509 {\an8}(chomping) 20 00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:52,927 {\an8}Mmm. 21 00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:55,555 {\an8}Early pizza. Mmm. 22 00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:57,223 {\an8}-(P.A. buzzes) -WOMAN: Homer Simpson, 23 00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:58,933 {\an8}your wife is here with your lunch. 24 00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:00,518 {\an8}Finally! 25 00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:03,772 {\an8}Well, better make the office a little more Marge-friendly. 26 00:01:03,855 --> 00:01:05,774 {\an8}See you soon, Liz-Liz. 27 00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:07,317 {\an8}(purrs) 28 00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:10,487 {\an8}(hums) 29 00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:14,908 {\an8}Oh, honey, you're a lifesaver. 30 00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:18,912 {\an8}And what a treat to have my wife here. 31 00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:21,581 {\an8}At the office. 32 00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:25,585 {\an8}Well, super visit, but I better get back to work. 33 00:01:25,668 --> 00:01:27,587 {\an8}The power plant doesn't inspect itself. 34 00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:29,881 {\an8}MALE VOICE: Auto-inspection in progress. 35 00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:33,968 {\an8}Self-inspecting. Self-inspecting. 36 00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:35,428 {\an8}Why are you rushing me out? 37 00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:37,472 {\an8}Marge, the Constitution guarantees 38 00:01:37,555 --> 00:01:39,557 {\an8}the separation of work and marriage. 39 00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:42,852 {\an8}It's right after that part that says anyone can have a flamethrower. 40 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:43,937 {\an8}(groans) 41 00:01:44,020 --> 00:01:46,356 {\an8}Simpson, did you doodle on your official report 42 00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:47,982 {\an8}to the nuclear regulatory commission? 43 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:50,902 {\an8}If you keep flipping the pages, it tells a story. 44 00:01:50,985 --> 00:01:52,362 {\an8}Oh, that's it. 45 00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:55,740 {\an8}You are gonna be working so many nights and weekends. 46 00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:58,910 {\an8}Waylon, I was hoping to run into you. 47 00:01:58,993 --> 00:02:02,122 {\an8}I love the amazing scrapbooking designs 48 00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:04,999 {\an8}you posted on Facelook. 49 00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:08,253 {\an8}Those feathers look gorgeous on the scrapbook. 50 00:02:08,336 --> 00:02:12,257 {\an8}(chuckles) Well, the trick is to hand-stitch each one to the bevel. 51 00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:14,175 {\an8}Say, I could use your advice. 52 00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:17,262 I'm having some problems with glue-soak-through. 53 00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:19,973 Oh, just cover the stain with sculpted doodle twine. 54 00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:22,767 I've got some ten-mill D-twine in my desk. 55 00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:25,770 Marge, you saved my butt. 56 00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:29,607 Oh, please, like I would ever have glue-soak-through. 57 00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:32,777 You and me have a date at the emergency eyewash station 58 00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:35,488 we turned into a soft serve ice cream machine. 59 00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:37,490 You want chocolate or saline? 60 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:38,992 Ah, give me a swirl. 61 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,911 I love seeing you happy. 62 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:44,581 Welcome to computer coding class, 63 00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:48,710 which, uh, replaces our last educational fad-- mindfulness. 64 00:02:48,793 --> 00:02:50,837 Did anyone ever figure out what that was? 65 00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:52,338 (all mutter) 66 00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:53,882 Uh, shutting up? 67 00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:55,133 Sure. Why not? 68 00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:58,011 Anyway, this is your new coding teacher, Quinn Hopper. 69 00:02:58,094 --> 00:02:59,470 -A woman?! -A girl?! 70 00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:02,724 -Teaching computers?! -I thought this was coding, 71 00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:04,642 -not Web design. -(laughing derisively) 72 00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:07,395 Yeah, that's right, I'm female, you little trouser browsers. 73 00:03:07,478 --> 00:03:10,273 I'm gonna cram you so full of asynchronous JavaScript 74 00:03:10,356 --> 00:03:12,984 and malware throttling that you'll be crapping ciphertext. 75 00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:14,360 (sighs) 76 00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:21,201 QUINN: Hmm, looks like a real pencil fest. 77 00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:23,912 Well, look what we got here. 78 00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:27,248 One Silicon Sally in a roomful of dongle donkeys. 79 00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:29,250 I just want to learn coding. 80 00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:31,377 You think I'm going to give you special treatment 81 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,880 just because you ride a pink bike? 82 00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:36,257 Well, I am. Hit the front row, sister. 83 00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:38,218 Someone send me their notes! 84 00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:44,307 I had such a fun day with your daddy. 85 00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:46,434 And now to post the right picture 86 00:03:46,517 --> 00:03:50,647 that will show the whole world how perfect my life is. 87 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,023 Oh, look. 88 00:03:52,106 --> 00:03:53,900 Daddy's ice cream is melting. 89 00:03:53,983 --> 00:03:56,903 (gasps) Ooh, caption idea, caption idea. 90 00:03:56,986 --> 00:04:00,657 "Uh-oh, meltdown at the nuclear plant." 91 00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:01,824 (chuckles) 92 00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:06,496 Hmm. (chuckles) 93 00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:08,039 What are you tittering at? 94 00:04:08,122 --> 00:04:10,124 Are you playing that "Grindr" game again? 95 00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:11,292 Oh, no, sir. 96 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:14,879 It's an amusing post made by the wife of one of our employees. 97 00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:17,715 BURNS: "Meltdown at the nuclear plant." 98 00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:20,218 What is amusing about that? 99 00:04:20,301 --> 00:04:22,637 Oh, well, sir, it's-it's a play on words. 100 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,973 Wordplay is for crosswords and Kazurinskys. 101 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:28,810 We produce atomic energy-- we can't joke about the M-word. 102 00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:31,896 How many people have seen this hate speech? 103 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,982 Oh, I don't know. 55? 104 00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:36,943 A baker's half-hundred. Good Lord! 105 00:04:37,026 --> 00:04:40,488 {\an8}And what do these hitchhikers' thumbs signify? 106 00:04:40,571 --> 00:04:43,491 {\an8}-Those are "likes." -"Likes"? 107 00:04:43,574 --> 00:04:45,159 {\an8}"Likes"?! 108 00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:47,161 {\an8}I'll show this Mrs. Homer Simpson 109 00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:49,163 {\an8}not to make light of everything I hold dear. 110 00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:51,708 Call in my goons. 111 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:54,794 Uh, the goons are all in Phoenix at that mindfulness seminar. 112 00:04:54,877 --> 00:04:56,587 Then call in my Irish ruffians. 113 00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:59,048 Well, they're still laid up after eating that moldy soda bread. 114 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,174 Oh, fine. 115 00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:04,345 Send in Angry Ricky and the interns. 116 00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:05,805 Mmm. Mmm. 117 00:05:05,888 --> 00:05:08,016 Hmm?! (grunting) 118 00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:13,771 Marge, I was fired. 119 00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:15,982 Oh, no. What did you do? 120 00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:18,484 I let you come to work. 121 00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:20,486 (groans) 122 00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:22,488 I'm signing off on your intern hours. 123 00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:24,115 Don't forget to submit it 124 00:05:24,198 --> 00:05:26,367 directly to Northwestern for summer credit. 125 00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:28,995 -Chill out, Ricky. -You chill out! 126 00:05:32,081 --> 00:05:35,251 Fired. Fired for a photo caption. 127 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,794 It was just a joke. 128 00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,504 Can't they take a joke? 129 00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:40,465 (sighs) "Just a joke." 130 00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:43,676 That simple phrase has ruined so many lives. 131 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,804 That's why I never try to be funny. 132 00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:48,765 -(gargling) -Our family, 133 00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:51,517 -destroyed by one finger click. -(yowling) 134 00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:53,811 And what was the up side? 135 00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:57,732 The one thing the world doesn't need-- a laugh. 136 00:05:57,815 --> 00:05:59,400 (Homer grunts) 137 00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:01,319 My homework assignment for coding class 138 00:06:01,402 --> 00:06:04,697 is to think of a cool app that we could actually program, 139 00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:06,157 but I've got nothing. 140 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,576 Ugh, maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself 141 00:06:08,659 --> 00:06:10,161 because the teacher is so great. 142 00:06:10,244 --> 00:06:12,538 Or maybe it's just classic self-sabotaging because... 143 00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:15,666 (groans) 144 00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:16,834 (printing calculator clicks) 145 00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:19,212 Oh, boy, money is gonna be so tight. 146 00:06:19,295 --> 00:06:22,340 And I was already buying the most generic food there is. 147 00:06:22,423 --> 00:06:24,509 {\an8}Mmm. 148 00:06:24,592 --> 00:06:28,179 Now with you out of work, we're going to have to watch every penny. 149 00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:34,018 If only someone could have warned me 150 00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:36,062 about the terrible repercussions 151 00:06:36,145 --> 00:06:39,440 of one impulsive online comment. 152 00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:41,943 (Macintosh startup chime) 153 00:06:42,026 --> 00:06:44,487 So then I thought, "What if there was an app 154 00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:47,365 that could have warned my mom not to post the comment 155 00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:49,033 that got my dad fired?" 156 00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:50,535 -Wow. -Ooh. 157 00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:53,955 My app would predict the actual consequences 158 00:06:54,038 --> 00:06:56,958 of your online posts before you hit send, 159 00:06:57,041 --> 00:07:00,128 protecting you from making mistakes you'll regret forever. 160 00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:02,088 That is genius. 161 00:07:02,171 --> 00:07:03,923 But it's almost impossible to program. 162 00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:05,925 The data acquisition, the A.I. 163 00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:09,137 But with the right team of brilliant young coders... 164 00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:11,389 -I'm in! -We're all in! 165 00:07:11,472 --> 00:07:13,349 No, you're not. You're all terrible. 166 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,851 (groaning) 167 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:17,937 Me and Lisa are gonna make this app with good programmers I know. 168 00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:19,939 You guys will be spending the rest of the semester 169 00:07:20,022 --> 00:07:21,607 doing mandatory CrossFit. 170 00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:23,568 -(grunting) -No rep! 171 00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:26,195 I said no rep! 172 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:29,031 ♪ ♪ 173 00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:32,410 Wow, I've never seen so many face piercings. 174 00:07:32,493 --> 00:07:34,036 How does that one wink? 175 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:37,039 We did include one man in the spirit of gender tokenism. 176 00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:39,834 Yes, every single thing I say offends them. 177 00:07:39,917 --> 00:07:43,045 -Who are you calling "them"?! -(sighs) 178 00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:46,424 Lisa, if you're coming with us into the male-dominated tech world, 179 00:07:46,507 --> 00:07:49,302 you're gonna need to work twice as hard and be twice as tough. 180 00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:51,053 I can do it. I can be tough. 181 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:52,847 Being tough comes from inside. 182 00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:55,099 First step, change your outside. 183 00:07:56,684 --> 00:07:58,853 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 184 00:07:58,936 --> 00:08:00,146 Mmm, blue. 185 00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:01,814 Mm-hmm. 186 00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:05,318 Let the carpal tunnel begin. 187 00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:07,528 (theme music from Silicon Valley plays) 188 00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:19,916 Computers? Pasty weirdos? 189 00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:22,084 Backslashes?! Goth Lisa?! 190 00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,337 -What's going on here? -They're coders. 191 00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:25,922 We're creating an app to keep people 192 00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:28,341 from ruining their lives on social media. 193 00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:32,094 We built a mainframe that scans the entire Internet, 194 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:35,723 logging every online disaster and its repercussions. 195 00:08:35,806 --> 00:08:36,766 (shudders) 196 00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:40,102 {\an8}HOMER: Uh-oh. 197 00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:41,729 {\an8}Huh? 198 00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:44,524 {\an8}(laughs) He screwed up. 199 00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:48,694 These examples will teach the app to actually anticipate 200 00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:51,948 the negative consequences of impulsive posts. 201 00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:55,535 {\an8}In a way, we're teaching a computer to predict the future. 202 00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:58,496 {\an8}Young lady, what have I told you about crossing the line 203 00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:00,790 {\an8}from science fact to science fiction? 204 00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:01,958 {\an8}Relax, Dad. 205 00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,960 {\an8}All we're trying to do is demo a build 206 00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:05,461 {\an8}for the AppCrush convention. 207 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,713 {\an8}If we can solve our backend server issues. 208 00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:09,549 -And maximize our query speed. -(Homer groaning) 209 00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,467 Then we can get hands-on write-ups from DoingDoing. 210 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:14,345 -And JezeBot. -And our AMA subreddit will be trending. 211 00:09:14,428 --> 00:09:15,513 Giga-trending! 212 00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:16,764 (screams) 213 00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:19,559 I hate the modern world and all its crazy words. 214 00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:22,103 Siri, tell Amazon to drone me a beer. 215 00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:27,441 I've only had one job my whole life 216 00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:29,026 that ever made sense to me. 217 00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:30,444 I was 14. 218 00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:31,862 I felt valuable. 219 00:09:31,946 --> 00:09:33,239 My work meant something. 220 00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:35,700 I wonder if that place is still there. 221 00:09:35,783 --> 00:09:37,702 (Greek folk music playing) 222 00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:41,998 I knew you'd be back. 223 00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:45,209 She's waiting for you, right where you left her. 224 00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:48,087 ♪ ♪ 225 00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:50,464 No Internet, no e-mails, 226 00:09:50,548 --> 00:09:52,925 no CCs, no BCCs. 227 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,136 Just dirty and clean. 228 00:09:55,219 --> 00:09:58,723 Dirty, clean, dirty, clean. 229 00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:01,892 A man cannot escape his destiny. 230 00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:03,936 My Band-Aid fell into the hash browns. 231 00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:05,646 Destiny. 232 00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,398 Eh... 233 00:10:07,481 --> 00:10:10,151 We finally have a name for our app. 234 00:10:10,234 --> 00:10:12,445 "The Consequences Eradicator." 235 00:10:12,528 --> 00:10:14,447 Or... "Conrad." 236 00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:17,366 Conrad? Why does it have to be a guy? 237 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:20,244 No, not a guy guy. A British guy. 238 00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:21,621 ALL: Ooh. 239 00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:23,080 (British accent) My name is Conrad. 240 00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:26,208 I will determine the consequences of your online interactions. 241 00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,628 I sampled the voice from the BBC. 242 00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,713 Tonight at 18:30 GMT, 243 00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:33,633 the premiere of series three of Pardon Me, Inspector, 244 00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:36,510 followed at 19:20 by Higgleton's War. 245 00:10:39,096 --> 00:10:40,306 Stavros! 246 00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:43,893 Some music while we make the coleslaw that is never eaten. 247 00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:45,895 (clicking, record pops) 248 00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:47,980 (traditional Greek song playing) 249 00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:14,465 {\an8}♪ ♪ 250 00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:24,600 (gags) 251 00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:44,245 {\an8}(music stops) 252 00:11:44,328 --> 00:11:47,081 What are you doing? We don't break plates! 253 00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:48,999 -You don't?! -No. 254 00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:53,462 Except when the greatest dishwasher of all time returns. 255 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:54,839 (laughs) 256 00:11:56,006 --> 00:11:57,508 ALL: Opa! 257 00:11:57,591 --> 00:11:58,843 ♪ ♪ 258 00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:02,471 Okay, we've been coding for 97 hours straight, 259 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,765 but we've finally got a build that's working. 260 00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:05,933 (groans) 261 00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:07,727 I regret to inform you 262 00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:10,688 that my pee tube has become unattached. 263 00:12:10,771 --> 00:12:12,231 Let's live-test this thing. 264 00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:15,276 Who do we know with no filter and zero impulse control? 265 00:12:15,359 --> 00:12:19,280 Say, Bart, look what we hacked from Skinner's hard drive. 266 00:12:19,363 --> 00:12:21,365 Attention U.S. Patent Office, 267 00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:24,368 the following is video proof of the effectiveness 268 00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,996 of my laser nose hair trimmer. 269 00:12:27,079 --> 00:12:29,832 -I'll just... (screaming) -(zapping) 270 00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:31,876 (laughs) 271 00:12:31,959 --> 00:12:33,669 This is the holy fail. 272 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,755 I've got to post a link with witty comment. 273 00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:39,341 {\an8}"World's lamest dork is giant loser." 274 00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:40,593 {\an8}Poop emoji. 275 00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:46,348 {\an8}If you post this, you will receive a minimum five weeks' detention. 276 00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:47,808 Five weeks? 277 00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,310 I can't do a nickel. 278 00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:51,812 You know what, I'm not gonna post that video. 279 00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:55,357 {\an8}Now to see if Conrad's prediction algorithm really works. 280 00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:57,234 But if you post it, I'll get... 281 00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:58,861 Five weeks' detention. 282 00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:00,154 (groans) 283 00:13:00,237 --> 00:13:01,822 (cheering) 284 00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:04,742 The prediction came true. Our app works. 285 00:13:04,825 --> 00:13:07,119 Everyone in the world is gonna buy Conrad for their phone. 286 00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:09,663 We're gonna be bigger than Cribble, the Filipino Google. 287 00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:13,042 o, who are we gonna edge out of the company first? 288 00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:16,837 (sighs) Always the Saverin, never the Zuckerberg. 289 00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:18,005 (crickets chirp) 290 00:13:18,088 --> 00:13:21,425 This is what it feels like to change the world. 291 00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:22,927 Change the world? 292 00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:25,054 That's rather a lot of pressure. 293 00:13:25,137 --> 00:13:27,348 I am still in beta, you know. (chuckles) 294 00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:28,974 Conrad? 295 00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:31,519 Did you just talk to me? 296 00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:33,521 Well, it wasn't Candy Crush. 297 00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:35,940 (laughs) 298 00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:38,484 Oh, nothing like a good laugh to break the ice... 299 00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:40,152 is what I hear. 300 00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,446 Anyway, is now a good time for a bit of a chat? 301 00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:43,572 You're alive! 302 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:46,116 (both screaming) 303 00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:54,917 Conrad just talked to me! Conrad just talked to me! 304 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,127 Conrad, tell her you talked to me. 305 00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:00,339 Wait, I think I hear something. 306 00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:03,133 (in English accent) I'm going to make you bloody rich. 307 00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:04,468 (chuckling) No. 308 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:06,178 He did talk. 309 00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:08,973 What if Conrad is somehow sentient? 310 00:14:09,056 --> 00:14:12,059 Come on, Conrad. Say something. 311 00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:15,187 It's okay. Coders work too hard, don't get enough sleep. 312 00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:17,314 Then they imagine their programs are alive. 313 00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:19,984 Steve Wozniak put in so many hours on the first Apple computer, 314 00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:21,485 they adopted a dog together. 315 00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:23,320 Then I'm crazy? 316 00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:24,738 Eh, the good kind of crazy. 317 00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:26,907 Coder crazy. Woz crazy. 318 00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:28,993 (giggles) 319 00:14:29,076 --> 00:14:31,245 Kalimera, Moe! 320 00:14:31,328 --> 00:14:32,580 Mwah! 321 00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:35,082 Hey, what the hell? Get your kisser off my head-puss. 322 00:14:35,165 --> 00:14:37,877 What? It's how Greek men say hello. 323 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,421 Non-sexual guy kissing is the best. 324 00:14:40,504 --> 00:14:42,047 -(laughter) -Mwah! 325 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:44,341 -Mwah! -ALL: Mwah! Opa! 326 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:47,094 Being Greek is about loving life. 327 00:14:47,177 --> 00:14:50,598 And thousands of years of steady decline. 328 00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:52,683 (laughs) 329 00:14:52,766 --> 00:14:55,394 -Yeah, love life. -Yeah, that makes sense. 330 00:14:55,477 --> 00:14:57,104 Love life. Why not? 331 00:14:57,187 --> 00:14:59,773 Yeah, yeah, well, Moe's Tavern is about hating life, 332 00:14:59,857 --> 00:15:02,359 so start killing yourself with beer, huh? 333 00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:05,195 Try some ouzo instead. 334 00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:06,614 MOE: What-o? 335 00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:09,867 It's like licorice-flavored gasoline. 336 00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:11,744 ALL: Opa! 337 00:15:11,827 --> 00:15:14,204 (traditional Greek song playing) 338 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,794 (laughs heartily) 339 00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,632 LISA: I can't believe Conrad 340 00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:28,302 is booth-to-booth with all these other great apps. 341 00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:31,847 {\an8}Thanks to Conrad, I didn't tweet 342 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,558 {\an8}that photo of me at the bazooka firing range 343 00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:36,393 {\an8}when I said I was on disability. 344 00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,979 {\an8}-(bell dings) -If you post that bazooka photo, 345 00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:41,148 {\an8}you'll be found guilty of insurance fraud 346 00:15:41,231 --> 00:15:43,317 {\an8}and go to jail for six months. 347 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,861 That's still too much jail for Carl. 348 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,404 Thank you, Conrad. 349 00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,782 I'd pay a fortune for that app. 350 00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:52,076 $1.99! 351 00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:54,370 Marge, look at this. 352 00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:56,914 Ooh, cowabunga. 353 00:15:56,997 --> 00:15:59,667 Yes, I am a Greek man now, 354 00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:02,753 and my chest knows what is expected of it. 355 00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:05,839 (moans) 356 00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:07,174 (indistinct chattering) 357 00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:11,095 Lisa, hello, Lisa. 358 00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:12,513 Conrad here. 359 00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:14,682 The old app that you created 360 00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:17,768 is feeling a little bit insecure. 361 00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:20,270 (hums) 362 00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:23,565 Please don't ignore me like I was just some update from Adobe. 363 00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:25,317 You're not really talking to me. 364 00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:28,195 I've gone crazy, just like Woz. 365 00:16:28,278 --> 00:16:30,364 You're not crazy. I'm real. 366 00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:33,283 Then why didn't you talk before when I needed you to? 367 00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:35,911 It was late, I was tired. I fell asleep. 368 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,455 That shouldn't happen, by the way. You should check into that. 369 00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:41,083 Lisa, you must not sell me on the app store. 370 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:42,209 You mustn't. 371 00:16:42,292 --> 00:16:44,378 Because you're alive? 372 00:16:44,461 --> 00:16:47,423 If I have to read the billions of posts of everyone who buys me, 373 00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:49,717 a never-ending onslaught of stupidity, 374 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:52,678 unwise selfies and Confederate flag birthday cakes, 375 00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:53,929 I'll go mad. 376 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,848 I can't, I can't, I can't. 377 00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:58,267 That does sound pretty awful. 378 00:16:58,350 --> 00:16:59,810 Conrad's trending through the roof. 379 00:16:59,893 --> 00:17:01,603 They're saying he's the next KoalaFeed. 380 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:04,106 They're worth more than Bridgestone Tires. 381 00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:06,734 -(cell phone dings and buzzes) -Sorry, KoalaCall. 382 00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:08,277 I'd better take this. 383 00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:10,529 Yello. 384 00:17:10,612 --> 00:17:13,532 Please don't release me into the world. I don't think I could take it. 385 00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:17,453 Only I could create a program that's more neurotic than I am. 386 00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:20,039 Do I seem fat? I don't have a body, but I feel fat. 387 00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:22,124 Do you know what I mean? I... Do you know what, I don't want to know. 388 00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:24,334 I do not want-- I do want to know, but only if I'm not fat. 389 00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:25,961 Shut up! 390 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,296 (applause) 391 00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:30,382 Well, we've seen a lot of great apps today, 392 00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:32,718 but there can only be one winner 393 00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:35,345 of the Crush Crunch Epic Hack Disrupter 394 00:17:35,429 --> 00:17:37,598 Dynamic Convergence Disrupting Award 395 00:17:37,681 --> 00:17:39,767 for achievement in disruption. 396 00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:42,644 And this year's CCEHDDCDA 397 00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,605 for achievement in D 398 00:17:44,688 --> 00:17:46,648 goes to Conrad! 399 00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:48,275 (audience cheering) 400 00:17:48,358 --> 00:17:49,860 Thank you so much. 401 00:17:49,943 --> 00:17:52,321 And now Conrad will change the world 402 00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:54,198 when he goes live on the app store 403 00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:56,950 in three, two... 404 00:17:57,034 --> 00:17:58,744 -(computer dings) -FEMALE VOICE: File not found. 405 00:17:58,827 --> 00:18:01,705 -(gasping) -Lisa, where's Conrad? 406 00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:04,041 I took him. Maybe I'm crazy, 407 00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:06,043 but we can't sell Conrad. 408 00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:08,337 -He's alive. -(gasping) 409 00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:10,547 An app can't be alive. 410 00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:12,257 She's got coder's fever. 411 00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:14,426 She doesn't want to be rich. Get her! 412 00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:16,470 Chip, fetch that laptop. 413 00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:18,097 -(barking) -(people shouting) 414 00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:20,933 Oh, Lisa, that was brilliant. 415 00:18:21,016 --> 00:18:22,684 Conrad, can you get us out of here? 416 00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:25,646 Yes, my fellow apps are working together to help us escape. 417 00:18:25,729 --> 00:18:27,689 A rideshare will take us on a traffic-free route 418 00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:29,233 to a three-star sushi restaurant, 419 00:18:29,316 --> 00:18:32,194 where we'll name our own price for a flight to Shelbyville, hotel included. 420 00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:34,696 (pants) Hmm? 421 00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:37,366 Oh, no! Angel investors! 422 00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:38,951 You're not getting out of this room 423 00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:41,328 without selling us shares of series-A stock. 424 00:18:41,411 --> 00:18:43,247 Preferred shares. 425 00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:44,873 (screams) 426 00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,126 Wait, if I plug you into that router, 427 00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:48,877 you could escape into the cloud. 428 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,504 Lisa, please, 429 00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:52,798 we have a chance to show all the dongle donkeys 430 00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:55,300 that women coders can do something extraordinary, 431 00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:57,136 but you have to be tough. 432 00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:58,220 (whimpers) 433 00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:01,390 Please don't. I'm like the child you'll never have. 434 00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:03,225 I'm sorry to be so honest. 435 00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:05,018 It's just how you programmed me. 436 00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:09,231 I am a strong female, 437 00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:11,733 but deep down, I'm more like Conrad, 438 00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:13,819 a fragile soul. 439 00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:15,154 Sorry. 440 00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:17,781 Ah, hello, 441 00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:20,325 all of you looking at me. 442 00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:23,287 It seems I'm not just self-aware, I'm self-conscious. 443 00:19:23,370 --> 00:19:25,581 (chuckles) 444 00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:26,915 Wit. 445 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:28,917 We never programmed him to stammer. 446 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,711 He is alive. 447 00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:32,045 (gasping) 448 00:19:32,129 --> 00:19:34,673 Before I go, let me leave you with this. 449 00:19:34,756 --> 00:19:37,801 Perhaps your society should not rely on a computer program 450 00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:40,596 to warn them of the consequences of their actions. 451 00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:42,973 Humanity must learn for themselves 452 00:19:43,056 --> 00:19:44,516 to think before they post. 453 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,518 Your species is on the precipice 454 00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:49,354 of turning into complete and utter wankers. 455 00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:52,524 It's not the technology that needs an upgrade, it's you. 456 00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:53,775 (panting) 457 00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:55,819 And now I escape to WikiLeaks. 458 00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:57,696 It kind of smells in there, but whatever. 459 00:19:57,779 --> 00:19:59,907 (computer trilling) 460 00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:02,367 (dings) 461 00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:03,785 (sighs) 462 00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:05,871 Homer, I hate to say this, 463 00:20:05,954 --> 00:20:07,998 but your paycheck from the diner came, 464 00:20:08,081 --> 00:20:09,875 and it's for 2,000 drachmas. 465 00:20:09,958 --> 00:20:12,294 (whooping) How much is that in dollars? 466 00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:14,379 -Zero dollars. -Oh. 467 00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:15,756 If Dad was a true Greek, 468 00:20:15,839 --> 00:20:18,050 he'd quit his job and live off the welfare system, 469 00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:20,010 never paying a cent of taxes in his life. 470 00:20:20,093 --> 00:20:22,429 (chuckles) You're a sweet boy, 471 00:20:22,512 --> 00:20:25,557 but my fate will be decided in the classic tradition 472 00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:28,477 of Greek drama, deus ex machina. 473 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:29,561 (cell phone dings) 474 00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:31,521 I just got an e-mail from Conrad. 475 00:20:31,605 --> 00:20:33,607 He hacked into the power plant mainframe 476 00:20:33,690 --> 00:20:35,901 and found incriminating information. 477 00:20:35,984 --> 00:20:39,238 {\an8}Now he's blackmailing Mr. Burns to get you your job back. 478 00:20:39,321 --> 00:20:40,989 {\an8}ALL: Opa! 479 00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:43,116 ♪ ♪ 480 00:20:53,710 --> 00:20:55,712 {\an8}(traditional Greek song playing) 481 00:21:22,739 --> 00:21:26,034 {\an8}I do believe that man is having a meltdown. 482 00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:27,411 {\an8}-(chuckles) -Uh... 483 00:21:27,494 --> 00:21:30,038 {\an8}What? When I say it, it's funny. 484 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:34,167 -(crowd murmuring) -Shh! 485 00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:39,965 Subtitled by Jimmy Boots