1
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-(beatboxing)
-CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
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(tires screech)
3
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D'oh!
4
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-(tires screech)
-(grunts)
5
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ALL: Huh?
6
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D'oh!
7
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(groans) No parking spots?
8
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Lousy butt-kissers, coming in before noon,
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eating donuts that are rightfully mine.
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Oh, oh, oh! D'oh!
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Stupid Smart Car.
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(tires screech)
13
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D'oh! Spot-hogging S.U.V.
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(tires screech)
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D'oh! Inconvenient sinkhole.
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(tires screech)
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D'oh! Mandatory credit.
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(tires screech)
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D'oh! "Developed by"?
20
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What does that even mean?
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(gasps) It's empty!
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{\an8}Homer, no! That's Burns' spot.
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{\an8}How could you miss that sign?
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{\an8}Oof. The last guy that parked there
is now a...
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{\an8}(quietly) speed bump.
26
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{\an8}(muffled) Slow down!
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{\an8}Guys, be cool.
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{\an8}Burns'll never know.
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{\an8}He's on vacation this week
with his weirdo hunting buddies.
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{\an8}Fellow members of the Order of
the Knights of Saint Caucasian,
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{\an8}we've got a lot of things to kill today,
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{\an8}so release the sedated quail.
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{\an8}(gun clicks)
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{\an8}How am I supposed to hunt it
if it can move?
35
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{\an8}Try it now, Davy Crockett!
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{\an8}Damn... you... surface... tension...
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{\an8}Wait a minute.
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{\an8}If I can park in Mr. Burns' space,
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{\an8}I can live his whole life!
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{\an8}Quickly now, before I think it through!
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{\an8}(chuckling)
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{\an8}♪ Mr. Big Stuff ♪
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{\an8}♪ Who do you think you are? ♪
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{\an8}♪ Mr. Big Stuff ♪
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{\an8}♪ You're never gonna get my love ♪
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{\an8}♪ Now because you wear ♪
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{\an8}♪ All those fancy clothes ♪
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{\an8}-♪ Oh, yeah ♪
-♪ And have a big fine car ♪
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{\an8}♪ Oh, yes, you do now ♪
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{\an8}♪ Do you think I can afford... ♪
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{\an8}(German accent)
Come on along, and sing our Tiki song.
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{\an8}(Latino accent)
And everyone will take their turns.
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{\an8}(Jamaican accent)
To celebrate a man who's great.
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{\an8}The wiki-wakka liki-lakka magic Mr. Burns!
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{\an8}♪ The wiki-wakka liki-lakka Mr. Burns ♪
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{\an8}♪ The wiki-wakka liki-lakka Mr. Burns ♪
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{\an8}♪ The wiki-wakka liki-lakka Mr. Burns ♪
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{\an8}♪ The wiki-wakka liki-lakka Mr. Burns... ♪
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{\an8}♪ Mr. Big Stuff ♪
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{\an8}♪ Who do you think you are? ♪
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{\an8}♪ Mr. Big Stuff ♪
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{\an8}♪ You're never gonna get my love... ♪
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{\an8}(quietly) Simpson lines up his hitty stick
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{\an8}and gets ready to clobber
the dimpled round-o.
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{\an8}He's calling the signals.
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{\an8}(yelling) Omaha! 35!
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{\an8}-Hut! Hut!
-Simpson!
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{\an8}(shrieks)
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Incoming!
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(yelling)
There's a lightbulb out on level P-2!
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Oh, good Lord.
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The trapdoor is under renovation.
It's not safe!
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(grunting)
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-Mm-hmm.
-HOMER: Mosaic!
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-(screams)
-Congratulations. You're halfway down.
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-(electric crackle)
-(grunting)
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What the...
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(sighs)
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{\an8}(screams) Ow!
80
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{\an8}I'm drowning in cement!
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{\an8}-Uh, it's actually concrete.
-Whoo-hoo!
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{\an8}Of which cement is an ingredient.
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{\an8}(yells) No!
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{\an8}(rhythmic yelling)
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Oh...
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-(Marge hums)
-Hmm?
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MARGE: Perfect.
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(chuckles)
Marge, you've thought of everything.
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Except for one nagging detail.
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Did I ever tell you about the time
I was in a big cast?
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It was the Shelbyville Players
production of Pippin.
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-Don't worry, Homie.
-GRAMPA: I went from player
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to ticket taker in one performance!
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There's two ways of...
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-(seagulls chirping)
-(tide rolling)
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You are in my seat.
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ALL: Fight! Fight! Fight!
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Asthma, glasses, asthma!
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(grunts)
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(cheering, yelling)
101
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Oh. There's too much violence
102
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in rearview mirrors these days.
103
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Hey, boy, want to sign
your old man's cast?
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No problemo.
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(marker squeaks)
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-What does it say?
-Don't worry about it.
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-What did you write?
-Sorry.
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That's between me
and everyone who sees it.
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-I need to know!
-Hmm.
110
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Begins with "F" and ends in "C-K."
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Why you little!
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(grunting, groaning)
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(chuckles)
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-Tell me!
-Never!
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(grunting)
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(moans)
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(quickly) D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh!
Whoo-hoo!
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D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh!
D'oh! Whoo-hoo!
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(slowing down)
D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh!
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D'oh... Whoo-hoo!
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MARGE: Thanks, partner.
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We've balled up all the 13-gauge alpaca.
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Now maybe there's something fun we can do?
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Sure is. A puzzle.
125
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"Foggy Day in Berlin."
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5,000 pieces.
127
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Hmm...
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(German accent)
Homer, complete the puzzle!
129
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-I'm a married man!
-Fine.
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If you need me,
I'll be in your schpankenbank.
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FEMALE SINGER: ♪ We'll meet again ♪
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Marge, I don't think
we should do this puzzle.
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I know. You can't pick up the pieces.
134
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That's why I've devised a grid system.
135
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Huh? I'll hold up a piece,
and you call out the number
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and letter of
the corresponding grid square.
137
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Uh, I don't know. Q 15?
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Sweetie, it's a side piece.
139
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Q 15's in the middle.
140
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Right. Q 15 is in the middle.
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Nothing more fun than rules.
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I'll make some tea to help you think.
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{\an8}Oh, I hate being immobile and numb.
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{\an8}If only I was free to move.
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(moans) If only.
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(excited chatter)
147
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It's never pleasant to see
this kind of activity, Lisa.
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Particularly on a cell phone
that is so much nicer
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than the one I own.
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-(cranking)
-(grumbles)
151
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:51,035
All the fighting seems to start
with who sits where on the bus.
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Um, Lisa,
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00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:54,414
you seem to have a handle
on the bus problem.
154
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:57,041
Why don't you tackle it?
But don't think I won't help.
155
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:58,543
I'm providing you with a sash.
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Skinner!
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You are asking a six-year-old girl
158
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to fix this school's problems.
159
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-I'm eight.
-Oh, carry on.
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00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,219
(bird caws)
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00:07:08,302 --> 00:07:11,305
What do you mean,
there's a legal issue with my trapdoor?
162
00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:13,266
And, uh, as you explain,
163
00:07:13,349 --> 00:07:15,226
please take two steps back.
164
00:07:15,309 --> 00:07:17,520
The old trapdoor was perfectly legal.
165
00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:19,939
It was grandfathered in
under the Reagan-era code.
166
00:07:20,022 --> 00:07:21,774
But once you start renovating it,
167
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:24,694
it has to brought up to modern standards.
168
00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:27,697
Mm. And it has to be handicap accessible.
169
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:29,782
A wheelchair would never
fall through the current opening.
170
00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:31,284
(chuckling) Oh! But that's not a problem!
171
00:07:31,367 --> 00:07:34,203
-I refuse to hire the handicapped.
-That's another issue.
172
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But for now, we have left ourselves open
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00:07:37,373 --> 00:07:39,459
to a lawsuit by Homer Simpson.
174
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:42,211
Fine. Smithers,
go see this Simpson character
175
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,547
and trick him into signing
a waiver of liability.
176
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,716
I'll discuss things with the foreman.
177
00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:51,262
(yelling) Enrique, mas grande la puerta!
178
00:07:51,345 --> 00:07:52,597
(Homer moans)
179
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{\an8}Look, Homie! We got three pieces together.
180
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,059
{\an8}That's a good day's work!
181
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:58,895
Why don't we do one of Maggie's puzzles?
182
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:01,314
Cow goes in the cow-shaped hole, boom.
183
00:08:01,397 --> 00:08:02,440
Next case.
184
00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:05,443
Hmm, I thought the one good thing
about you hurting yourself
185
00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:08,070
was that we could spend
more time together.
186
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,822
-You did?
-Didn't you?
187
00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:12,325
Oh, yeah, sure, of course.
188
00:08:12,408 --> 00:08:15,328
Only a fool would admit otherwise.
189
00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:18,080
-Mm....
-(doorbell rings)
190
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:21,167
-(sighs)
-(sighs)
191
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:24,879
Mr. Smithers! Come in, come in.
192
00:08:24,962 --> 00:08:26,881
(chuckling)
Oh! Well, there's our tangle-foot!
193
00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:29,634
-Already on the mend.
-Yeah, right.
194
00:08:29,717 --> 00:08:32,845
They say it'll be three months
before I can scratch my ass.
195
00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:34,722
Six before I can really go at it.
196
00:08:34,805 --> 00:08:36,849
Listen, I-I don't want
to take up your time.
197
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:39,060
I just need Homer's signature
on a couple of things.
198
00:08:39,143 --> 00:08:41,938
-First, a get-well card to himself.
-(Homer moans)
199
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:43,773
And what else does he need to sign?
200
00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:46,275
Oh, a... (coughing)
...waiver of liability.
201
00:08:47,735 --> 00:08:50,821
I know, I know.
There are solid reasons to sue.
202
00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:54,200
But do you really want to fill your life
with parasitic attorneys
203
00:08:54,283 --> 00:08:56,244
with get-rich-quick schemes?
204
00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:58,287
Schemes? Rich? Quick?
205
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:00,206
Parasitic? Whoo-hoo!
206
00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:02,959
How could I have forgotten
to sue Mr. Burns?
207
00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:04,752
That's how you get rich in America.
208
00:09:04,835 --> 00:09:07,171
Sue S. A! Sue S. A!
209
00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:08,839
Oh, Lord.
210
00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:11,425
Finally, a chance to use this.
211
00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:14,804
It was designed ironically,
but I would die for it.
212
00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:22,186
{\an8}Are you home during the day
because you were injured at work,
213
00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:25,690
{\an8}school, museum, church,
Iraq, elevator plummet,
214
00:09:25,773 --> 00:09:28,651
{\an8}uneven sidewalk,
hit by foul ball, hit by fair ball,
215
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:30,403
{\an8}or Iditarod viewing party?
216
00:09:30,486 --> 00:09:32,113
The first one! The first one you said!
217
00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:33,906
{\an8}Call me, Maxwell Flinch,
218
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:37,535
{\an8}at 555-555-5555.
219
00:09:37,618 --> 00:09:39,328
Five, five, five...
220
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,455
Wait, what was the number
after the first three fives,
221
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:43,165
but before the last six fives?
222
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,834
Uh, Simpson, before you do anything rash,
223
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:47,670
Mr. Burns wanted you to enjoy
this get-well cake.
224
00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:50,214
-What's that writing on top?
-Oh!
225
00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:53,843
It's just, uh, strawberry boilerplate
absolving us of liability.
226
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:56,178
Now just bite here, here, here,
227
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:57,847
nibble here, lick here.
228
00:09:57,930 --> 00:10:00,266
Uh, your wife needs to eat this cupcake.
229
00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:03,060
Sir, you cannot bribe me with cake.
230
00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:06,647
Because I just ate several pies.
231
00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:09,859
Hello, Mr. Smithers.
I see you haven't given up.
232
00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:13,279
(sighs) Just enjoy the cake.
233
00:10:13,362 --> 00:10:16,073
As long as you don't eat it
in front of a notary public, you're fine.
234
00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:17,491
I'm a notary public.
235
00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:20,202
You gave your ink pad to Maggie.
236
00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:23,748
(moans)
237
00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:26,334
-I'll, um, I'll walk out with you.
-Don't go yet.
238
00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:29,378
You guys can help me brainstorm
a pattern for my new quilt.
239
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,881
Marge, I mean this in the nicest way--
240
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:35,051
your idea of fun makes me
want to blow my brains out.
241
00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:36,218
(murmurs disappointedly)
242
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,473
Oh, Razzmatazz is perfect, Marge.
243
00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:42,350
It's-it's uh-- it's red,
244
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:45,311
-but not, uh, too red.
-You're right!
245
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:49,190
Why don't you stick around and we'll
discuss stitching patterns over tea?
246
00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:50,358
I'd like that.
247
00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:53,611
And I'll take the cake back to the home
and share it with the seniors.
248
00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:55,863
-Typical.
-I'll keep Dad company.
249
00:10:55,946 --> 00:10:59,241
-Thank you, Bart.
-GRAMPA: (moaning) Oh, I dropped it.
250
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,953
Hey, wha-what did you put down my back?
251
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:05,247
Could be a tarantula,
could just be some yarn.
252
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:07,792
-I'll be at Milhouse's.
-(whining fearfully)
253
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,463
(sighs)
254
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:16,175
What the hell?
255
00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:18,803
Oh, it's such a pleasure
to pour tea for someone
256
00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:21,138
and not have to help him chew it.
257
00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:22,682
We've made our choices.
258
00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:25,685
And the world doesn't understand them,
but we do.
259
00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:29,563
-Oh!
-Ew...
260
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:31,524
-Oh...
-Aw...
261
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:35,528
You know, Marge,
somehow I feel that more than anyone,
262
00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:39,115
you understand those horrible words,
"What do you see in him?"
263
00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:41,826
I never said this, but did you ever think
264
00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:43,452
we cling to these guys
265
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:46,497
because we're afraid to admit
we were wrong?
266
00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:48,332
Do you really think that?
267
00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:50,960
Well, I've tried to use it constructively.
268
00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:52,962
(Marge groans)
269
00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:55,464
I try to have the serenity
to accept the things
270
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:58,592
I cannot change and the courage
to change the things I can.
271
00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:02,138
HOMER: That's what they said to me
at that Alcoholics Unanimous meeting!
272
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:03,431
(groans)
273
00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:04,765
LISA: Attention, bus riders!
274
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:07,351
My new seating plan avoids conflict
275
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:10,187
through the use of
complex social algorithms.
276
00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:12,606
It teams up compatible seatmates
277
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:14,900
and places Milhouse with no one.
278
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:17,820
Yet somehow, I'm still a little scared.
279
00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:19,989
Otto, why are you sitting in back?
280
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:21,991
Waiting for my assignment, chief.
281
00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:25,244
-The driver's seat. You're the driver.
-Still me?
282
00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:27,872
(scoffs) New management, same mistakes.
283
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:33,461
It's so quiet. I've never been
able to hear my music before.
284
00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,629
(rock music plays over headphones)
285
00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,548
Ooh, it sucks.
286
00:12:38,966 --> 00:12:40,509
{\an8}LISA: (thinking)
This is just the beginning.
287
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:43,971
{\an8}Soon I'll have control over
every aspect of their lives.
288
00:12:44,054 --> 00:12:48,350
{\an8}And then I'll make them achieve
their un-dreamt dreams.
289
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:50,644
Sherri next to Terri.
290
00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:52,146
Jimbo next to Dolph.
291
00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:53,731
No one next to Milhouse.
292
00:12:53,814 --> 00:12:55,566
Ralph next to his invisible friend.
293
00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:57,067
Kearney next to Nelson.
294
00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:58,819
Martin next to Wendell.
295
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:00,905
Cosine next to Database.
296
00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:04,241
{\an8}(gasps)
297
00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:06,452
{\an8}My first PG-13 fantasy.
298
00:13:06,535 --> 00:13:08,454
Since we haven't been able
to get a settlement,
299
00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:10,956
we'll have to start preparing you
for your deposition.
300
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,751
Caroline here will stand in
for the opposing attorney.
301
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:15,461
Good afternoon, Mr. Burns.
302
00:13:15,544 --> 00:13:17,797
Release the hounds.
303
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:21,133
Uh, sir, you should try to project
a friendlier demeanor.
304
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:23,177
Release the hounds.
305
00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:24,470
Please.
306
00:13:24,553 --> 00:13:28,057
Seriously, sir, it would really be wise
not to mention the hounds.
307
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:29,934
Oh, that's like telling Three-Finger Brown
308
00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:31,977
he can't play for the Brooklyn Tip-Tops.
309
00:13:32,061 --> 00:13:33,103
(groans)
310
00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:35,439
Waylon, now I can see
311
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:38,526
why so many women in movies
have gay friends.
312
00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:41,654
Like Princess Leia and C-3PO.
313
00:13:41,737 --> 00:13:43,823
Listen, I made this for you.
314
00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:45,783
(gasps) Oh, my God.
315
00:13:45,866 --> 00:13:48,077
No one ever gives me a gift. Thank you.
316
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:51,038
No one ever tells me "thank you."
317
00:13:51,121 --> 00:13:53,332
I think you see my true self.
318
00:13:53,415 --> 00:13:56,585
The one I never pay attention to at all.
319
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:59,004
(thinking) Oh, my God. I want to kiss him.
320
00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:00,840
(thinking)
Oh, my God. She wants to kiss me.
321
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:03,968
-I'm a married woman.
-She would look good with a mustache.
322
00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:06,053
(cell phone vibrating)
323
00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:10,140
(chiming)
324
00:14:12,768 --> 00:14:14,603
Uh, I've got to go.
325
00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:19,108
Thank God I've got
a husband with benefits.
326
00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:23,028
-Come here, you.
-Okay, but... (exclaims)
327
00:14:34,164 --> 00:14:37,167
Mmm... Smithers.
328
00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:39,044
(Homer thinking) Wait a sec.
329
00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:42,715
Marge is getting her emotional needs
fulfilled by another man,
330
00:14:42,798 --> 00:14:45,467
and now she needs me for nothing but sex.
331
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:48,596
I'm the luckiest husband in the world!
332
00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:56,478
You haven't gotten that
stupid signature yet?
333
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,647
No. And I'm not sure I want to.
334
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,441
You defy me?
335
00:15:00,524 --> 00:15:02,526
Smithers, pour me a glass of water.
336
00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:08,157
Now squeeze my chest.
337
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,325
(coughs)
338
00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:11,327
Now, either get that signature
339
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:14,163
or you're in charge of restarting
our plant at Chernobyl.
340
00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:16,999
-That was us?
-That doesn't leave this room.
341
00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:18,709
Well, brother,
342
00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:21,545
prepare to enjoy another day of calm,
343
00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:24,048
peaceful behavior on the school bus.
344
00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:26,216
I got to warn you, a lot of kids
345
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,427
are pretty unhappy
with the required seating.
346
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:29,845
(chuckles)
347
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:33,432
Well, they'll be happy
when I also organize cafeteria seating,
348
00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:36,018
who's picked for teams,
and I've divided the playground
349
00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:37,728
into swingers and pushers.
350
00:15:37,811 --> 00:15:39,063
That's insane.
351
00:15:39,146 --> 00:15:41,482
You just bought yourself
a year of pushing.
352
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:55,663
LISA: (thinking)
Order. Order. Maintain order.
353
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:57,414
Tunnel.
354
00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:00,668
♪ ♪
355
00:16:10,844 --> 00:16:11,845
(gasps)
356
00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:14,932
Whee!
357
00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:17,851
♪ ♪
358
00:16:20,854 --> 00:16:22,731
This message couldn't be clearer.
359
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,692
The children need more sauce
on their spaghetti.
360
00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:27,027
-Also, their spelling is atrocious.
-(tires screech)
361
00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:31,949
Well, at least I have me photos.
362
00:16:32,032 --> 00:16:32,992
(screams)
363
00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:34,994
(laughter)
364
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:37,079
I thought I had made things better.
365
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:40,582
Lisa, the bus is supposed to be crazy.
366
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:41,917
It's the brief respite
367
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,294
between the twin nightmares
of home and school.
368
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:46,630
The one thing a know-it-all doesn't know
369
00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:49,091
is that everyone hates a know-it-all.
370
00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:50,968
Did we, uh, lose anyone?
371
00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:52,636
Just the police chief's son.
372
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,722
(beeping)
373
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,684
I bit a rat.
374
00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:00,227
(clears throat)
375
00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:03,188
Marge, this is the last time
I'm coming by.
376
00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:05,232
Oh. Well, that's fine.
377
00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:07,609
I mean, I do have my knitting to get to.
378
00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:08,736
♪ Mm-hmm ♪
379
00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:11,989
I'm going to a living hell
followed by a certain death.
380
00:17:12,072 --> 00:17:13,866
Here's a picture to remember me by.
381
00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:15,826
Taken by my grandma from her deathbed.
382
00:17:15,909 --> 00:17:18,704
(sniffles) The last thing she saw.
383
00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:23,500
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
384
00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:25,878
-(groans)
-What's wrong, honey?
385
00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:29,339
Oh, I don't feel like
I have anyone to talk to.
386
00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:31,467
I appreciate that, and I'd like to talk.
387
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:35,137
I'm just so drained after all the time
I spend with the kids.
388
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:38,474
-BART: What time?
-I took you to that colonial village.
389
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:40,476
That was a pub at the airport.
390
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:43,270
I had an ale. You sat on a barrel.
That makes it colonial.
391
00:17:43,353 --> 00:17:45,606
Homer, I'm sorry, you have to understand.
392
00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:49,359
Without Waylon to talk to,
I feel completely alone.
393
00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:51,111
I totally get it.
394
00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:54,114
-One question-- Who's Waylon?
-Smithers.
395
00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:55,908
Totally get it.
396
00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:57,868
Oh, my wife really needs something
397
00:17:57,951 --> 00:18:00,579
and to get it I may have to forego
my settlement.
398
00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:03,207
Homer, you fell down a trapdoor
into a cement mixer.
399
00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:05,250
Don't you think I deserve
something for that?
400
00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:07,419
I'm just trying to do what's right.
401
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:09,671
Then why did you file a lawsuit?
402
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,383
I really think you should
change the venue, sir.
403
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:15,511
You can't win a case in this town.
404
00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:18,347
Oh, are they still mad
about me eating the town panda?
405
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:19,807
Get over it.
406
00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:23,018
-(blows nose)
-Wait, wait, wait, wait.
407
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:26,480
I'm willing to sign
anything you want on one condition.
408
00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:28,440
Fine. What's your condition?
409
00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:31,985
-You have to keep Mr. Smithers here.
-I see.
410
00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:35,656
And are you fool enough to believe
a man's handshake means anything?
411
00:18:35,739 --> 00:18:38,367
-I am.
-Well, put 'er there.
412
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:39,785
Homer, no!
413
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:42,538
Why doesn't anyone
ever think of the lawyer?
414
00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:45,791
Aw, if I do a slip 'n' fall
on the courthouse steps,
415
00:18:45,874 --> 00:18:48,544
-would that help?
-(sniffs) It might.
416
00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:53,841
See you Thursday.
417
00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:56,176
And I'll see you Thursday night.
418
00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:57,886
Oh. (chuckles)
419
00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:01,473
And I'll see you early Friday morning.
420
00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:04,226
-Mm-hmm.
-Mm-hmm.
421
00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:06,562
Oh, these slippery stairs.
422
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:08,397
(exclaims)
423
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,441
-(gasps) Homie!
-Marge, no!
424
00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:13,360
(both grunting)
425
00:19:15,362 --> 00:19:17,156
(honks)
426
00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:21,535
Marge, I know Smithers
was good at talking to you.
427
00:19:21,618 --> 00:19:24,496
-And I want to talk to you, too.
-Oh.
428
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:27,249
Just don't expect me to be great at first.
429
00:19:29,918 --> 00:19:33,380
Oh, honey,
no one's great their first time.
430
00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:34,923
It's like baking.
431
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:37,426
Uh, okay, well, uh...
432
00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:38,719
I like you.
433
00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:41,096
And I adore you.
434
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,724
You sacrificed yourself for my happiness.
435
00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:45,934
There is nothing that makes a woman
436
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:48,312
feel more cherished and secure.
437
00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:50,063
Thank you, my darling.
438
00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:52,858
(whispers) Marge, this is going great.
439
00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:55,777
GRAMPA: Now don't you worry,
I made you both soup.
440
00:19:56,820 --> 00:19:58,697
Ooh-hoo, it's pipin' hot.
441
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,616
Two hours in the microwave.
442
00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:02,284
(exclaims)
443
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:12,961
Who knows what the "D.C." stands for
in Washington, D.C.?
444
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:15,005
Anyone? Anyone?
445
00:20:15,088 --> 00:20:17,883
Mustn't be a know-it-all.
Never again. Not worth it.
446
00:20:17,966 --> 00:20:20,052
D.C. Anyone?
447
00:20:20,135 --> 00:20:22,804
-Daddy's kitchen?
-(grumbles)
448
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:24,723
Not quite. Anyone else?
449
00:20:24,806 --> 00:20:25,974
No? Okay.
450
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:30,187
Children, "D.C." stands for
"District of the Capitol."
451
00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:33,315
No it doesn't!
The answer is "District of Columbia."
452
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,776
And, Miss Hoover,
I don't want to be a smarty pants,
453
00:20:35,859 --> 00:20:38,070
but the previous answer was Texas.
454
00:20:38,153 --> 00:20:41,573
Before that, 1848.
Before that, Seward's Folly.
455
00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:45,202
And your dentist appointment
is not tomorrow, it's the day after.
456
00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:46,662
Thank you.
457
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:35,085
♪ The wiki-wakka liki-lakka Mr. Burns ♪
458
00:21:35,168 --> 00:21:36,962
♪ The wiki-wakka liki-lakka... ♪
459
00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:39,965
Subtitled by A. Vandelay