1
00:00:02,794 --> 00:00:06,214
(women vocalizing)
2
00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:08,675
HOMER: In my younger
and more vulnerable years,
3
00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:10,760
my father gave me some advice.
4
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:13,054
He said,
"The laziest way to tell a story
5
00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:15,932
is through voice-over narration."
6
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,892
With that in mind,
I tell the tale
7
00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:21,354
of the tragic collision between
the last tycoon of the Jazz Age
8
00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:24,691
and the king of a hip-hop empire.
9
00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:26,109
It began with an old man
10
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:28,945
{\an8}feeling like his best years
had passed him by.
11
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,447
{\an8}(sighs)
12
00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:31,740
{\an8}You seem glum, sir.
13
00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:33,283
{\an8}How about a blood transfusion?
14
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:34,909
{\an8}We have some new small batch,
15
00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:36,286
{\an8}single donor plasmas.
16
00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:38,288
{\an8}Mmm.
Better make it a double.
17
00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:42,709
{\an8}Hmm. My life used to be so
lively, so full of excitement.
18
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:44,919
{\an8}♪♪
19
00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:46,463
{\an8}WOMEN: ♪ Monty! ♪
20
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:49,758
{\an8}BURNS: Such shindigs
I threw at my summer estate.
21
00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:51,760
{\an8}In an age of shameful excess,
22
00:00:51,843 --> 00:00:54,846
{\an8}my parties were legendary
for their magnificent excess.
23
00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:57,557
{\an8}Fortunes were won and lost
at my tables.
24
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,851
{\an8}Affairs were launched
on my dance floor
25
00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:01,853
{\an8}and consummated on
my floor-floor.
26
00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:04,731
{\an8}Sultans mingled
with Sultans of Swat.
27
00:01:04,814 --> 00:01:06,483
{\an8}MAN: ♪ Monty! ♪
28
00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:07,859
{\an8}(cheering)
29
00:01:07,942 --> 00:01:10,445
{\an8}BURNS:
And presiding over it all was me,
30
00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:13,239
{\an8}-Monogram Monty Burns.
-MAN: ♪ Monty! ♪
31
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:15,158
{\an8}(groans)
32
00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:16,493
{\an8}Well...
33
00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:19,996
{\an8}what if we throw a classic shindig
34
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,998
{\an8}at your old summer place?
35
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,083
{\an8}Why, yes.
36
00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:24,667
{\an8}A beachside bacchanal
37
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,503
{\an8}just like the Roaring Twenties.
38
00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,797
{\an8}That'll put the Cole
back in my Porter.
39
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:31,466
{\an8}What fun.
40
00:01:31,549 --> 00:01:33,176
{\an8}Now, I have 45 close friends
41
00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:35,261
{\an8}who are all pretty amazing
party planners.
42
00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:36,429
{\an8}I'm not squandering money
43
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:39,015
{\an8}on some chap to bring in
a photo booth.
44
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,934
{\an8}I'll take care of
every detail myself.
45
00:01:41,017 --> 00:01:42,185
{\an8}Everything, sir?
46
00:01:42,268 --> 00:01:44,187
{\an8}Oh, fine.
You can fetch the ice.
47
00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:46,106
{\an8}Okay. How many bags?
48
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:49,359
{\an8}Oh, no. None of those
pricey store-bought cubes.
49
00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:51,194
{\an8}Now, you head up
to Northern Canada
50
00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:53,363
{\an8}and get me a quarter ton
of lake ice.
51
00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:55,532
{\an8}Hand-sawn and tong-carried.
52
00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:57,534
{\an8}Risk my life
in the arctic wilderness
53
00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:59,452
{\an8}just to bring you some ice.
54
00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,204
{\an8}It would be an honor.
55
00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:03,832
{\an8}Would you like it packed in
cedar sawdust or Spanish oak?
56
00:02:03,915 --> 00:02:05,875
{\an8}Oh, who cares?
Ice is ice.
57
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,294
{\an8}It says Mega Stuff
on the package,
58
00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:10,380
{\an8}but these are Double Stuff at best.
59
00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:12,173
{\an8}(licking)
60
00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:15,301
{\an8}Send me a free tub of Stuff
and I'll shut down my website.
61
00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:17,053
{\an8}Mmm.
62
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,472
{\an8}Simpson, you seem fairly popular,
63
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:22,267
{\an8}at least based on the cheers you
got at employee karaoke night.
64
00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:25,145
{\an8}It's not me, it's "Mustang Sally."
65
00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:26,729
Mr. Burns is throwing
a little party,
66
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:30,150
and most of his invitees
are either dead or fictional.
67
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:32,402
Uh, to, uh, well,
fill out the crowd,
68
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:34,571
uh, perhaps you could, uh,
distribute these invitations
69
00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,906
to your more, uh,
presentable friends.
70
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,534
I know just who to invite.
71
00:02:39,617 --> 00:02:41,244
-You're not invited.
-To what?
72
00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:44,247
None of your business!
73
00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:45,874
All right.
74
00:02:45,957 --> 00:02:47,876
MARGE:
"Your esteemed presence is requested
75
00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:50,420
for an evening of
madcap magic and mischief
76
00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:53,256
at Monty Burns'
Middle Hampton estate."
77
00:02:53,339 --> 00:02:56,217
The card stock is so thick.
78
00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:59,220
Bart, get in here
and feel this stock.
79
00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,806
Oh, man, that's heavy.
80
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,391
The Springfield Hamptons?
81
00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:05,101
That's on Lengthy Island,
82
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,645
where rich people hang out
on summer weekends.
83
00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:12,025
{\an8}I know all about it from
cartoons in literary magazines.
84
00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:14,569
HOMER:
I'm not reading all that.
85
00:03:14,652 --> 00:03:16,779
Well, now to select
the perfect guest list
86
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:20,575
of our city's sharpest wits
and glittering socialites.
87
00:03:20,658 --> 00:03:22,660
(car alarms blaring,
Homer whistling)
88
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:31,961
Boy, oh, boy, a '20s shindig
at Old Man Burnsie's.
89
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,796
Probably gonna be
bathtubs full of shrimp
90
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,757
and Jacuzzis full of brisket.
91
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:39,177
Maybe I'll meet a rich bachelor
who will sweep me off my feet.
92
00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:40,803
-How do I smell?
-(sniffs)
93
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:43,932
Like a wood fire put out
by dumping coffee on it.
94
00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:45,767
Oh! Perfect.
95
00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:47,060
Hey, everyone, hey!
96
00:03:47,143 --> 00:03:48,811
I'm off-duty, so please
97
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:51,105
don't feel weird doing drugs
in front of me.
98
00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:52,815
Uh, or with me.
(chuckles)
99
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,817
I became a cop too young.
100
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,402
I never lived.
101
00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:58,279
I didn't live.
102
00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:00,615
HOMER:
And so I entered a world of wealth.
103
00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:02,533
Where mansions
are called "cottages."
104
00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:05,536
And getting drunk on a boat
is called "sailing."
105
00:04:07,121 --> 00:04:09,040
(all gasping)
106
00:04:11,709 --> 00:04:13,628
{\an8}HOMER:
Get ready for fancy.
107
00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:15,713
(indistinct chatter)
108
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,594
I don't see any magic.
109
00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:23,513
And not a hint of mischief.
110
00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:25,098
Off-brand Ritz cracker?
111
00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:26,349
Salt pile?
112
00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:27,850
Nothing in a blanket?
113
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:30,770
{\an8}Dad, did Mr. Burns cheap out?
114
00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:32,272
That's impossible.
115
00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:34,440
He's the richest man in town.
116
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:36,526
If I had known
this was a cash bar,
117
00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:39,612
I would've gotten
wasted beforehand!
118
00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:41,364
At my sister's house!
119
00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:44,784
(fanfare plays)
120
00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:46,369
Welcome, honored guests.
121
00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:48,663
Leave your inhibitions at the door.
122
00:04:48,746 --> 00:04:50,331
And write your name
on your drink cup,
123
00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:51,708
you will not receive a second.
124
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:54,043
(muttering)
125
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:57,964
Now, dance the night away on
my vintage 1920s parquet floor.
126
00:04:58,047 --> 00:04:59,465
The cleaning of which
is not cheap,
127
00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:01,968
{\an8}so be sure to don
your protective booties.
128
00:05:02,051 --> 00:05:04,804
(Moe grunting)
129
00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:10,184
Look, Mr. Burns, nobody loves a
party with rules more than I do.
130
00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:12,645
Even I'm baffled by
the toilet payment system.
131
00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:14,355
Oh, it's simple, bring the chit
132
00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,566
from the applicable restroom
to the purser...
133
00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:19,360
You might've been fun
100 years ago, Burnsie,
134
00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:21,154
but now you're a cheap,
old lamewad.
135
00:05:21,237 --> 00:05:23,906
And trust me,
I know cheap.
136
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,742
That's right,
I bought a suit,
137
00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:28,828
Xeroxed it, returned it,
and wore the copy.
138
00:05:28,911 --> 00:05:30,538
-(grunts)
-(guests groaning)
139
00:05:30,621 --> 00:05:33,207
-Waste of my time.
-Why is everyone leaving?
140
00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:35,084
Of course, no ice.
141
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,045
Mm, that lazy Smithers is probably
142
00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:39,005
sipping hot buttered rum
in a ski chalet
143
00:05:39,088 --> 00:05:40,715
overlooking Lake Louise.
144
00:05:40,798 --> 00:05:42,216
(grunting frantically)
145
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:45,803
(growls)
146
00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:48,473
Ah.
147
00:05:48,556 --> 00:05:50,725
Uh-oh.
148
00:05:50,808 --> 00:05:52,560
Aw.
149
00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:54,312
(growls)
150
00:05:54,395 --> 00:05:55,605
-(brays)
-(Smithers screams)
151
00:05:57,231 --> 00:05:58,316
(crying)
152
00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:02,779
Hey, Mr. Burns, fun party.
153
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:05,531
No one felt any pressure
to talk or laugh
154
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,408
or stay past 7:30.
155
00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:09,994
-Super chill.
-Oh, hush.
156
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:13,873
I'm a worn-out old miser who's
forgotten the meaning of fun.
157
00:06:13,956 --> 00:06:15,291
(gasps)
158
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,251
Great Gatsby!
159
00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:18,836
What is that?
160
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,880
(music and chatter in distance)
161
00:06:20,963 --> 00:06:23,299
Someone else is having
a party across the bay.
162
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,134
(chuckles)
Once I would've thought nothing
163
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,553
of rowing across the water
and crashing that party.
164
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,972
All doors would open
for Monogram Monty.
165
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:32,016
That was a long time ago.
166
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:35,478
Aw, I'll row you over.
167
00:06:35,561 --> 00:06:37,105
How hard could it be?
168
00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:39,023
(Homer gasping for air)
169
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:40,274
Oh, so hard.
170
00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:41,692
Would it help if I whipped you?
171
00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:42,985
Maybe.
172
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,612
Yeah, a little.
173
00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:46,280
Yeah, yeah.
174
00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:47,490
(grunting)
175
00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:49,575
Yeah. (grunting)
176
00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:53,830
♪ ♪
177
00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:58,126
Oh, it's a white party.
178
00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:00,128
Just the kind I used to throw.
179
00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:02,004
Although we interpreted
the theme a bit differently
180
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:03,464
in those days.
181
00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:04,966
♪ Aah! ♪
182
00:07:05,049 --> 00:07:07,468
♪ Got a whole lot of money,
got a whole lot of money... ♪
183
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:10,179
Mm, whoever is throwing
this magnificent to-do
184
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,557
knows how to
enjoy their wealth.
185
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:13,808
♪ Got a whole lot of money ♪
186
00:07:13,891 --> 00:07:16,727
Ooh, excessive.
187
00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:18,813
Tell me, where can I find
our host?
188
00:07:18,896 --> 00:07:20,314
I haven't met him.
189
00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:22,483
No one has ever met him.
190
00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:23,985
He doesn't exist.
191
00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:25,403
Oh, he's upstairs in his office.
192
00:07:25,486 --> 00:07:28,114
♪ ♪
193
00:07:30,074 --> 00:07:31,659
Ooh.
194
00:07:31,742 --> 00:07:35,037
Are you the host
of this incredible soiree?
195
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:37,165
I must tell you,
it's the most incandescent,
196
00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:38,416
most dazzling...
197
00:07:38,499 --> 00:07:40,126
My name is Jay G.
198
00:07:40,209 --> 00:07:42,211
And nobody crashes my party.
199
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:45,006
Not even you nobodies.
200
00:07:45,089 --> 00:07:46,507
(guns cock,
Homer and Burns gasp)
201
00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:47,758
Let's go, Mr. Burns.
202
00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:49,343
What did you say?
203
00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:51,429
Mr. Burns and I were just leaving.
204
00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:55,433
Are you Montgomery Burns,
the despised billionaire?
205
00:07:55,516 --> 00:07:57,602
Well, that's what my cufflinks say.
206
00:07:57,685 --> 00:08:01,063
There's something I've wanted
to tell you for a long time,
207
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,065
you ruthless monster.
208
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,400
(whimpers)
209
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:07,528
-I love you.
-(gasps)
210
00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:16,412
I can't believe I'm meeting
the Monty Burns.
211
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,247
How do you know me?
212
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:21,417
You're the dude who wrote
The Rungs of Ruthlessness.
213
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:24,253
(chuckles) Yes, back then
they'd give a book contract
214
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,673
to any CEO with a power tie
and a bonsai tree.
215
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,383
When I was a boy,
I found a copy
216
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:31,260
left on the seat of a bus I stole.
217
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:34,931
And after I read it, I knew I'd
jacked my last courtesy shuttle.
218
00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:37,350
Your book became my bible.
219
00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:40,019
"Every empire needs an emblem."
See?
220
00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:41,687
There you told me
to find a symbol
221
00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:43,272
to represent my brand.
222
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,899
And there he is,
223
00:08:44,982 --> 00:08:47,693
the living logo of
Golden Goose Records,
224
00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:49,946
-Goosius.
-(honks)
225
00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:53,241
You make me believe I can fly.
226
00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:55,117
Goosius is on everything
227
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,953
from my cognac-flavored vodka
228
00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:59,622
to the brake pads
I coproduced with Lil Wayne.
229
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:04,794
Aw, he eats the same way I do,
230
00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:06,546
without swallowing.
231
00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:09,757
You've flown south for
the winter with my heart.
232
00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,342
-(honks)
-Ow!
233
00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:14,053
I hope this bite never heals.
234
00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:15,888
When I wrote an advice book,
I never dreamed
235
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,431
it would help anyone.
236
00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:20,476
Everything I am I owe to you.
237
00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:23,896
And a little bit
to Baz Luhrmann.
238
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:26,399
♪ When I was born,
our cupboards were barren ♪
239
00:09:26,482 --> 00:09:28,568
♪ Now I'm inside
of a blue McLaren ♪
240
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:29,610
♪ Blue McLaren? ♪
241
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:32,196
♪ They all be starin' 'cause
he's a hip-hop Vanderbilt ♪
242
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,282
♪ I'm so established,
my life is fabulous ♪
243
00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:36,158
♪ Sugar trust ♪
244
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,953
♪ ♪
245
00:09:39,036 --> 00:09:42,331
This. This is what I thought
I'd never have again.
246
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:44,375
Well, then good news, Monty.
247
00:09:44,458 --> 00:09:46,794
This is your party.
248
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:53,134
HOMER: And so was forged
the most unlikely of friendships.
249
00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:55,261
A man who discovered Rick Ross
250
00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:58,264
and a man who dated Betsy Ross.
251
00:09:58,347 --> 00:10:01,350
The next day, my family
explored Middle Hampton.
252
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,227
A wonderland of boutiques
253
00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:04,687
paid for by rich husbands
254
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,856
wanting to keep their wives busy.
255
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:08,649
Mainly second wives.
256
00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:12,236
WOMEN:
♪ Hampton, ah, Hampton ♪
257
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,947
What kind of crazy flavors are these?
258
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:17,617
Quince jelly and pepper?
Market greens?
259
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,201
Bone broth brittle?
260
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:20,703
I don't know
what this place hates more,
261
00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:22,163
kids or ice cream.
262
00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:24,498
Really, man, a 3 Series?
263
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:27,209
I mean, what is he,
a sophomore at Exeter?
264
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:29,378
Yeah, one cup of salted caramel.
265
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:32,340
Woo-woo-woo,
scoop with the stripe, stupid.
266
00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:33,716
(chuckling) I mean...
267
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:35,301
That kid just cut in line.
268
00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:37,136
Are you gonna let him do that?
269
00:10:37,219 --> 00:10:38,804
That's Blake Black.
270
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:40,765
His dad runs
BlackLake Investments.
271
00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:41,724
So?
272
00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:43,684
Richest dad rules?
273
00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:45,227
Everyone knows that.
274
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,646
Well, I don't.
275
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:48,022
Don't misunderstand me,
276
00:10:48,105 --> 00:10:50,566
Mats Wilander may have been
a decent player,
277
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:53,903
but until his inglés gets
just a little bit better,
278
00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,404
he can coach somebody else.
279
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:56,697
Pardon me a second.
280
00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:58,699
What is it,
head points, what?
281
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:02,244
Just because your father has
money doesn't mean you can cut.
282
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:04,747
Hmm, it kind of
looks like it does.
283
00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:07,416
All right, I'll tell you what--
because I am a nice guy,
284
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,211
I am going to pay
for everyone's cones.
285
00:11:10,294 --> 00:11:12,672
Is that okay?
Does that make it okay?
286
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:13,881
-Yeah!
-Yes!
287
00:11:13,964 --> 00:11:14,924
No!
288
00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:16,676
I would never accept ice cream
289
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:20,012
from someone whose manners
are in the bottom one percent!
290
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:21,305
(gasping)
291
00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:22,640
Boom.
292
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,184
So, hey, hi.
293
00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:26,602
Are you going to the Allens'
294
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,104
hot-dog-and-horseshoes
thing later?
295
00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:29,105
No.
296
00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:32,149
-The Forstmans' firefly thing?
-No.
297
00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:34,110
The Olins' jellyfish fry thing?
298
00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:36,570
I'm not going to any things at all!
299
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,907
But I want to, um, hang out.
300
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:41,492
What? Why?
301
00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:43,577
I've never met anyone
like you before.
302
00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:45,871
Anyone with, you know,
I don't know, um,
303
00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,248
morals.
304
00:11:47,331 --> 00:11:48,624
Oh. (giggles)
305
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:51,335
Well, I guess it is
a little judgy of me
306
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:54,004
to be completely
disgusted by you.
307
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:56,632
Great, I'll set something up.
Erin, are you on?
308
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,427
Okay, I need to bail on
the Kravises' freeze tag thing.
309
00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:01,053
No, I know, I have to.
310
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:02,638
Send the big basket.
311
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,181
What's wrong, honey?
312
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:05,850
Lisa's got a rich boyfriend,
313
00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:08,144
Dad's hanging out with
a hip-hop super producer,
314
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:09,603
and I'm stuck window-shopping
315
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:12,440
with you two fun-sucking
stink buckets.
316
00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:13,858
It's not fair!
317
00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:15,484
Life's not fair, kid.
318
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:16,902
Do I know you?
319
00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:19,071
If life was fair,
you would know me.
320
00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:21,574
But know this--
Jay G ain't all that.
321
00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:24,493
-What do you mean?
-Buy a candle and I'll tell you.
322
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:27,288
-What's your cheapest one?
-$55.
323
00:12:27,371 --> 00:12:30,666
No way. I could start a fire
in the woods for nothing.
324
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,669
HOMER: So Bart met someone
who I think comes back later.
325
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,421
I forget why.
326
00:12:35,504 --> 00:12:38,507
Hmm. Who would have thought
two billionaire Republicans
327
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:41,177
from such different backgrounds
could end up as chums?
328
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:44,346
Is not green a more powerful
color than black or white?
329
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:47,349
The Lord picks a select few
to accumulate more money
330
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:48,684
than anyone else.
331
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:51,103
You and I bear that
sacred avarice.
332
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:54,190
Each of my enterprises
has its own G6.
333
00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:56,066
What's that one?
334
00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:57,860
That's for my... (chuckles)
335
00:12:57,943 --> 00:12:59,779
personal horticulturalist.
336
00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:01,489
(chuckling)
You know what I'm sayin'?
337
00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:02,865
I don't.
338
00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:15,628
You seem to get so much joy
out of your money.
339
00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:16,837
I envy you.
340
00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:19,298
You've given me so much, Monty.
341
00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:23,135
Let me give you something back--
the freedom to live large.
342
00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:27,014
A charge plate?
343
00:13:27,097 --> 00:13:30,100
I've never had one of those
newfangled swipe-a-ma-jigs.
344
00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:33,229
It's an Obsidian Card,
the most exclusive.
345
00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:35,898
No spending limit,
no store has ever heard of it.
346
00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:38,067
But they have to accept it.
347
00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:40,444
Take it if you want
to roll like G.
348
00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:45,199
-Don't forget to sign it.
-Oh, right.
349
00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:48,077
No, no, not a felt-tip.
Oh! It'll smudge.
350
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,037
Okay, quick,
blow on it to dry the ink.
351
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:53,123
(both blowing)
352
00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:58,337
Blake, I have to say,
353
00:13:58,420 --> 00:14:02,132
this whale watch was
a very thoughtful idea.
354
00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:05,594
(gasps)
Oh, it's a whole family.
355
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,638
But they're so far away.
356
00:14:07,721 --> 00:14:10,266
Far? Babe, when you
whale watch with me,
357
00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:11,934
you sit pod-side.
358
00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:14,311
Fellas!
What can we do here?
359
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:19,108
This way, the whales know
we are VIPs.
360
00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:20,776
Um, where's the baby?
361
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,152
There's supposed to be a baby.
362
00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:23,612
I paid for a calf.
363
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,781
Does that mean anything?
364
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:29,243
Whale-copters? VIP pod-view?
365
00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:30,828
This is awful!
366
00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:33,539
Well, if we went on
some lame econo-watch,
367
00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:35,624
we might not see blowhole one.
368
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,252
I mean, what are you saying?
Are you hearing yourself?
369
00:14:38,335 --> 00:14:40,713
Blake, I really believed
you could change.
370
00:14:40,796 --> 00:14:43,591
And you did, you became
even more horrible!
371
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:46,677
{\an8}(singing)
372
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,637
(grunts)
373
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,931
These aren't VIP emotions.
374
00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:52,892
This is worse than the time
I had to eat
375
00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:54,643
grocery store sushi.
376
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:57,479
The shiso leaf was plastic!
377
00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:59,106
(crying)
It was plastic!
378
00:14:59,189 --> 00:15:01,525
JAY:
You got to buy it, M.B., it's fate.
379
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:06,447
Oh, I don't know.
380
00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:09,283
$100,000 feels like
a lot of money.
381
00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:10,826
You've got to splash the cash,
382
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,120
fling the bling, spill them bills.
383
00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:15,706
It don't matter,
just splatter the batter.
384
00:15:15,789 --> 00:15:17,875
Splash the cash.
385
00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:19,376
(grunting)
386
00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:24,632
Monogram Monty is back!
387
00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:26,300
{\an8}♪ I got a whole lot of money ♪
388
00:15:26,383 --> 00:15:27,718
♪ A whole lot of money ♪
389
00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:29,261
-♪ What you want? ♪
-♪ A whole lot of money ♪
390
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:30,679
-♪ I got ♪
-♪ A who-whole lot of money ♪
391
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:31,680
-(honks)
-♪ How much? ♪
392
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:32,890
♪ A whole lot of money ♪
393
00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:34,141
♪ Whole lot ♪
394
00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:35,351
-♪ What's up? ♪
-♪ Over here ♪
395
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:37,186
-♪ What's up? ♪
-♪ Over there ♪
396
00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:40,064
(bell clangs)
397
00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:42,316
♪ I got a whole lot of money ♪
398
00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:43,734
♪ A whole lot of money ♪
399
00:15:43,817 --> 00:15:45,486
-♪ What you want? ♪
-♪ A whole lot of money ♪
400
00:15:45,569 --> 00:15:47,655
♪ I got it ♪
401
00:15:47,738 --> 00:15:49,281
-(honking)
-♪ When the night come on ♪
402
00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:52,451
♪ I already know what time it is ♪
403
00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:53,619
♪ She gon' drop ♪
404
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:57,373
Now, what are you
generous folks willing to pay
405
00:15:57,456 --> 00:15:59,708
for a basketball lesson
with Charles Barkley?
406
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,961
$10,000. $20,000. $30,000.
407
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:03,379
Do I hear $50,000?
408
00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:06,048
$1 million. (whoops)
409
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:08,634
M.B., if you could only feel
what I feel right now...
410
00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:11,971
AUCTIONEER:
$1 million, going once, going twice...
411
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,764
-$10 million!
-(crowd gasps)
412
00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:14,932
Sold!
413
00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:16,684
I just spent more money then I know
414
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:18,352
on something I don't even want.
415
00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:21,605
And it's the greatest
feeling I've ever had!
416
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:24,024
(grunts weakly)
417
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:26,276
Still better than Shaq.
418
00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:32,241
HOMER:
Mr. Burns was living the high life,
419
00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:35,577
splurging on every luxury,
even the ultimate indulgence--
420
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:38,706
useless hangers-on like me.
421
00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:42,543
Noice.
422
00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:45,754
To think, all the years
I wasted without a posse.
423
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:47,548
Good-bye, loneliness.
424
00:16:47,631 --> 00:16:49,633
We get all this stuff
just for letting Mr. Burns
425
00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:51,260
beat us in mini golf.
426
00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:52,636
(chuckling)
What a deal!
427
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,805
My whole job is to not
make eye contact with him.
428
00:16:58,142 --> 00:17:00,102
I thought I'd get tired
of window-shopping
429
00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:03,230
in this fancy little town,
but it ain't happening.
430
00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:06,442
{\an8}A chessboard
where the pieces are lipsticks!
431
00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:08,485
{\an8}-(gasps)
-(groans)
432
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:12,656
(gasps)
A horse show!
433
00:17:13,657 --> 00:17:16,410
(gasps)
A protest!
434
00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:17,828
Huh?
435
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,497
Blake, is that you?
436
00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:22,082
What happened to your privilege?
437
00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:24,251
-I checked it.
-(gasps)
438
00:17:24,334 --> 00:17:25,919
{\an8}Lisa, when you rejected me,
439
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:28,464
{\an8}I knew I had to do whatever it took
440
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:29,965
{\an8}to become worthy of you.
441
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:33,177
{\an8}This now runs on solar power and falafel.
442
00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:35,262
Now, that's sustainable!
443
00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:37,473
I've dedicated my entire allowance
444
00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:39,933
to Trustafarians for Horse Justice.
445
00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:42,144
Here's an upside down bucket
for you to drum on.
446
00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:44,146
Well, what girl could say no
447
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:46,774
to a socially conscious drum circle?
448
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:48,150
{\an8}Yo, lamp dress,
449
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:51,320
{\an8}I've got all access paddock
passes to the horse show.
450
00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:53,822
{\an8}Check out these
sweet mane combs.
451
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:56,283
{\an8}I can get you up close
to the horses
452
00:17:56,366 --> 00:17:58,702
{\an8}for primo grooming time.
453
00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:00,454
ALL:
Combing is murder!
454
00:18:00,537 --> 00:18:02,331
Combing is murder!
455
00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:04,625
BOY:
Primo grooming time.
456
00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:07,127
HOMER:
The test of a first-rate intelligence
457
00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:09,296
is the ability to hold
two opposing ideas
458
00:18:09,379 --> 00:18:11,131
in the mind at the same time
459
00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:13,842
and still retain the ability
to function.
460
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:16,929
Horsey, horsey,
horsey, horsey, horsey!
461
00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:23,352
For her, I gave up
what meant most to me--
462
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:25,229
being a douche.
463
00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:34,822
Mr. Burns, your bill came
from the Obsidian Card.
464
00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:36,990
Are you sure you're not
spending too much money?
465
00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:38,492
Hush, you sound like Smithers.
466
00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:40,828
Where is that loafer with my ice?
467
00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:43,664
(Smithers grunting,
ringtone playing)
468
00:18:49,419 --> 00:18:51,296
(ringing stops)
469
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:53,966
(groaning)
470
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:58,387
-(horn honks)
-Fill her up!
471
00:18:58,470 --> 00:18:59,555
And make it snappy.
472
00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:01,056
My best pal and I
are going shopping
473
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,600
for those yachts that have
little submarines in them.
474
00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:05,477
Sir, your card was declined.
475
00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:08,063
(laughs)
Goulash! Absolute goulash!
476
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,481
It's linked
to my bank account.
477
00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:12,067
I'd have to be penniless
before that card didn't work.
478
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,736
Well, then that means you're broke.
479
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:17,322
Broke?
(chuckles anxiously) Me?
480
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:19,575
Broke? Me?
481
00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:21,910
Yes, I'm afraid I have
to destroy your card.
482
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:24,079
Good luck.
It's tempered titanium
483
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,914
and coated with powdered diamond.
484
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:33,505
♪ I ain't got no money ♪
485
00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:35,591
♪ I ain't got no money ♪
486
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:39,845
{\an8}MOE: Don't take it.
487
00:19:39,928 --> 00:19:43,265
{\an8}This car leased in someone
else's name is who I am!
488
00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:46,518
My entire fortune,
spent and gone.
489
00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:49,104
I splashed all my cash.
490
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,023
Don't be so hard on yourself.
491
00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:52,691
It was your first credit card.
492
00:19:52,774 --> 00:19:55,944
And I handled it as well as
a freshman at Michigan State!
493
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:59,615
Mr. Burns, I think Jay wanted
you to bankrupt yourself.
494
00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:01,200
Why would you say
such a thing?
495
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:03,619
{\an8}It's number one on the charts.
496
00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:05,370
{\an8}♪ ♪
497
00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:06,788
{\an8}♪ Used to be the man, Burns ♪
498
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,582
{\an8}♪ Now you just a bad joke ♪
499
00:20:08,665 --> 00:20:10,125
♪ Used to be about to die ♪
500
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,627
♪ Now you only dead broke ♪
501
00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:13,253
♪ I gave you the card, Burns ♪
502
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,796
♪ And you spent your mind out ♪
503
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,465
♪ It was all a trap, yo ♪
504
00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:18,133
♪ As you 'bout to find out ♪
505
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,969
Jay G is CEO of Obsidian!
506
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:23,555
-Biotch!
-(honks)
507
00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:25,474
♪ Now your bank account is withering ♪
508
00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:27,226
♪ Your bottom lip is quivering ♪
509
00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:28,769
♪ You're Hufflepuff, I'm Slytherin ♪
510
00:20:28,852 --> 00:20:30,395
♪ There's no one
doin' your Smitherin' ♪
511
00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:31,980
♪ This is where your money went ♪
512
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,565
♪ Evict you from the one percent ♪
513
00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:35,567
♪ Now watch me as my fingers tent ♪
514
00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:38,070
♪ 'Cause I own you, it is excellent ♪
515
00:20:38,153 --> 00:20:40,447
♪ Excellent ♪
516
00:20:40,530 --> 00:20:43,784
♪ You're broke now ♪
517
00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:45,577
♪ Your cash was your passion ♪
518
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:49,831
♪ Now Jay owns your ass, son ♪
519
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,250
(honks)
520
00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:54,920
If these rhymes
are to be believed,
521
00:20:55,003 --> 00:20:57,839
Jay lured me into debt
and now he owns everything.
522
00:20:57,923 --> 00:20:59,800
Even my beloved nuclear plant.
523
00:20:59,883 --> 00:21:02,177
Our magical friendship was a sham!
524
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,304
HOMER:
The loneliest moment in someone's life
525
00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:06,932
is when they're watching
their whole world fall apart.
526
00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:10,602
And all they can do
is stare blankly.
527
00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:13,605
Oh, no, wait, he's crying now.
That's worse.
528
00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:16,358
Now he's really sobbing heavy.
529
00:21:16,441 --> 00:21:19,778
Oh, now he's gone to his knees
and he ripped his shirt open.
530
00:21:19,861 --> 00:21:22,197
All of his buttons fell off
of his shirt.
531
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:24,199
Oh, now he's kicking his porch.
532
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:26,535
Oh, he hurt his foot
and he's hopping around.
533
00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:28,328
Oh, he tripped over a dog.
534
00:21:28,412 --> 00:21:30,956
(sobs)
535
00:21:31,039 --> 00:21:32,499
That's way worse.
536
00:21:32,582 --> 00:21:36,962
Montgomery Burns
had hit rock-bottom.
537
00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:42,676
HOMER:
F. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote,
538
00:21:42,759 --> 00:21:45,012
"There are no second acts
in American lives."
539
00:21:45,095 --> 00:21:46,930
But he never said anything
about second parts
540
00:21:47,014 --> 00:21:49,224
in American TV shows.
541
00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:51,101
I should've seen it all coming.
542
00:21:51,184 --> 00:21:53,979
My eyes were clouded
by the cataracts of excess.
543
00:21:54,062 --> 00:21:55,814
And by an excess of cataracts.
544
00:21:55,897 --> 00:21:57,858
Wait.
What happened to my posse?
545
00:21:57,941 --> 00:22:01,653
Don't you worry.
A posse's loyalty is forever.
546
00:22:01,737 --> 00:22:04,406
Hey, Burnsie, I didn't get
any brand-new sneakers today.
547
00:22:04,489 --> 00:22:07,159
{\an8}I can't be wearing
two-day-old sneakers.
548
00:22:07,242 --> 00:22:08,702
Hey, if there's no more money,
549
00:22:08,785 --> 00:22:10,370
we'll take our personalized
bowling balls,
550
00:22:10,454 --> 00:22:13,665
fold-up bicycles, and go.
551
00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:16,335
(bicycles squeaking)
552
00:22:16,418 --> 00:22:19,463
(sighs)
553
00:22:19,546 --> 00:22:22,090
I'm here for my hounds.
554
00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:24,009
(growling)
555
00:22:24,092 --> 00:22:26,762
Huh! Preposterous.
I raised those hounds from pups.
556
00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:28,597
I'm the only master
they've ever known.
557
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:30,724
One word from me
and they'll rip you apart.
558
00:22:30,807 --> 00:22:32,893
-Commence ripping!
-(snarling)
559
00:22:34,394 --> 00:22:36,438
(sniffing)
560
00:22:36,521 --> 00:22:40,233
(chuckles)
Dogs can smell power.
561
00:22:40,317 --> 00:22:42,235
Sign this release legally
releasing the hounds.
562
00:22:42,319 --> 00:22:45,364
If you don't, Mr. Jay G
will release the hounds.
563
00:22:48,992 --> 00:22:51,328
Jay, I don't understand.
I thought we were friends.
564
00:22:51,411 --> 00:22:54,039
We were going to open up
a money-losing winery together.
565
00:22:54,122 --> 00:22:56,917
We can still hang out. Even
though our owners are fighting.
566
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,126
(honks)
567
00:22:58,210 --> 00:23:00,796
Not being bitten... (cries)
568
00:23:00,879 --> 00:23:02,756
hurts the most.
569
00:23:04,883 --> 00:23:06,426
(sighs) Everyone's gone.
570
00:23:06,510 --> 00:23:08,595
Even Smithers never bothered
to return from Canada
571
00:23:08,678 --> 00:23:10,222
with my lake ice.
572
00:23:12,849 --> 00:23:14,851
(alarm ringtone plays)
573
00:23:16,228 --> 00:23:18,855
(grunting)
574
00:23:18,939 --> 00:23:20,941
(cracking)
575
00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:29,783
Good Simpson.
Faithful Simpson.
576
00:23:29,866 --> 00:23:31,618
You would never go back
to the nuclear plant
577
00:23:31,701 --> 00:23:33,286
that was so cruelly
taken from me.
578
00:23:35,956 --> 00:23:37,290
What does your heart say?
579
00:23:37,374 --> 00:23:40,001
HOMER: I looked deep into my heart,
and it said...
580
00:23:40,085 --> 00:23:42,254
Uh... let me ask my wife.
581
00:23:42,337 --> 00:23:44,339
I don't care if
Mr. Burns doesn't own
582
00:23:44,423 --> 00:23:46,466
the nuclear plant anymore.
583
00:23:46,550 --> 00:23:48,093
You still have to work there.
584
00:23:48,176 --> 00:23:50,387
You have a wife, a family,
585
00:23:50,470 --> 00:23:52,264
and a store to support.
586
00:23:52,347 --> 00:23:53,723
You're right, you're right.
587
00:23:53,807 --> 00:23:55,350
Wait. A store?
588
00:23:55,434 --> 00:23:58,145
-I have a store.
-How did that happen?
589
00:23:58,228 --> 00:23:59,980
Well, you spend enough
time in the Hamptons
590
00:24:00,063 --> 00:24:01,982
and you have any flair at all,
591
00:24:02,065 --> 00:24:04,067
you just wind up with a store.
592
00:24:04,151 --> 00:24:07,112
WOMEN: ♪ What could possibly
go wrong with retail? ♪
593
00:24:07,195 --> 00:24:09,865
Where should we put
the 19th century doctor's kits?
594
00:24:09,948 --> 00:24:13,618
Ooh, ooh! In the window next
to the state-shaped erasers.
595
00:24:13,702 --> 00:24:16,621
But I feel bad leaving
Mr. Burns. I'm all he's got.
596
00:24:16,705 --> 00:24:19,332
Can't we live off the money
from your store?
597
00:24:19,416 --> 00:24:21,334
Oh, God, no!
598
00:24:21,418 --> 00:24:23,670
Right now I'm still
building inventory.
599
00:24:23,753 --> 00:24:25,338
Luckily, the pincushion
store across the street
600
00:24:25,422 --> 00:24:27,007
went out of business.
601
00:24:27,090 --> 00:24:30,135
I just swooped right in
and bought up everything.
602
00:24:30,218 --> 00:24:31,720
Okay.
603
00:24:31,803 --> 00:24:33,346
{\an8}HOMER:
With my dear wife losing her marbles,
604
00:24:33,430 --> 00:24:35,891
{\an8}I had to turn my back on poor,
broken Burns
605
00:24:35,974 --> 00:24:38,310
{\an8}and go to work at, well,
606
00:24:38,393 --> 00:24:40,312
{\an8}the sexiest nuclear plant on Earth.
607
00:24:40,395 --> 00:24:42,981
♪ Radioactive ♪
608
00:24:43,064 --> 00:24:44,858
♪ R-R-R-Radioactive ♪
609
00:24:44,941 --> 00:24:46,526
Homer Simpson?
610
00:24:46,610 --> 00:24:48,153
Boss wants to see you.
611
00:24:48,236 --> 00:24:50,155
-♪ Booty like a power plant ♪
-WOMAN: Hey, baby.
612
00:24:50,238 --> 00:24:52,073
♪ You're blowin' up my pants,
I like the way you dance ♪
613
00:24:52,157 --> 00:24:53,492
JAY:
Mixtape coming soon, ladies.
614
00:24:53,575 --> 00:24:56,661
♪ J-J-J-Jay's got the power! ♪
615
00:24:56,745 --> 00:24:58,747
(music continues in distance)
616
00:25:00,749 --> 00:25:04,044
{\an8}"Rung six.
To ensure an employee's loyalty,
617
00:25:04,127 --> 00:25:07,214
{\an8}you must crush their
attachments to the past."
618
00:25:07,297 --> 00:25:08,423
{\an8}-(honks)
-(knocking on door)
619
00:25:08,507 --> 00:25:10,842
You wanted to see me, Mr. G?
620
00:25:10,926 --> 00:25:13,678
Relax, Homer, we're good.
When you entered my gates,
621
00:25:13,762 --> 00:25:16,515
I knew you'd turn your back
on Old Man Burns.
622
00:25:16,598 --> 00:25:18,016
And I respect that.
623
00:25:18,099 --> 00:25:20,060
Yeah.
I ditched him, all right.
624
00:25:20,143 --> 00:25:21,645
In his hour of need.
625
00:25:21,728 --> 00:25:23,063
But I feel good about it.
626
00:25:23,146 --> 00:25:24,439
Really good.
627
00:25:24,523 --> 00:25:25,482
(honking)
628
00:25:25,565 --> 00:25:27,025
Ow! Ow!
629
00:25:27,108 --> 00:25:29,611
Oh... I missed that.
630
00:25:29,694 --> 00:25:31,696
Because I know
you're so loyal to me,
631
00:25:31,780 --> 00:25:34,282
I have a very special job for you.
632
00:25:34,366 --> 00:25:36,409
Removing the last trace
of Monty Burns
633
00:25:36,493 --> 00:25:38,453
from the power plant he loves.
634
00:25:39,871 --> 00:25:40,956
(whimpers)
635
00:25:50,173 --> 00:25:52,467
(grunts)
636
00:25:52,551 --> 00:25:55,345
Don't look at me.
Stop looking at me!
637
00:25:55,428 --> 00:25:56,972
(grunts)
638
00:25:57,055 --> 00:25:59,266
You did good.
639
00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:03,311
Here's your reward.
640
00:26:03,395 --> 00:26:04,771
(gasps)
641
00:26:04,854 --> 00:26:06,606
Cobbler.
642
00:26:06,690 --> 00:26:08,275
I've got a granny in Atlanta
643
00:26:08,358 --> 00:26:10,360
who custom bakes them
just for me.
644
00:26:10,443 --> 00:26:12,612
Peach, berry, cherry,
645
00:26:12,696 --> 00:26:14,030
rhubarb, pineapple.
646
00:26:14,114 --> 00:26:16,700
You can't cobbler pineapple.
647
00:26:16,783 --> 00:26:18,368
Yet here it is.
648
00:26:18,451 --> 00:26:20,579
(crying)
649
00:26:20,662 --> 00:26:22,789
Homie, what's wrong?
650
00:26:22,872 --> 00:26:27,127
(crying)
I've never seen such beautiful cobbler.
651
00:26:27,210 --> 00:26:29,838
HOMER: But there was a hole
in me that even 1,000 pans
652
00:26:29,921 --> 00:26:31,548
of hot fruit couldn't fill.
653
00:26:31,631 --> 00:26:34,718
I had betrayed Mr. Burns
and felt sick about it.
654
00:26:34,801 --> 00:26:37,137
Searching for an open grave
in which to barf,
655
00:26:37,220 --> 00:26:39,139
I heard a horrible sound,
656
00:26:39,222 --> 00:26:41,349
which I was strangely
drawn towards.
657
00:26:41,433 --> 00:26:45,061
BURNS: (coughing)
♪ After the ball is over ♪
658
00:26:45,145 --> 00:26:48,106
♪ After the break of dawn ♪
659
00:26:48,189 --> 00:26:51,109
♪ After the dancers' leaving ♪
660
00:26:51,192 --> 00:26:54,613
♪ After the stars are gone ♪
661
00:26:54,696 --> 00:26:57,532
Mr. Burns, what are you
doing in this death hole?
662
00:26:57,616 --> 00:26:59,951
All I have left
is my family mausoleum.
663
00:27:00,035 --> 00:27:01,745
Would you like
a sip of grief soup?
664
00:27:01,828 --> 00:27:03,788
I stewed it from flowers
left on graves.
665
00:27:03,872 --> 00:27:06,082
I confess, I went back
to work at the plant.
666
00:27:06,166 --> 00:27:08,418
Jay G seduced me with cobbler.
667
00:27:08,501 --> 00:27:11,296
But after the eighth pan,
it tasted like ashes.
668
00:27:11,379 --> 00:27:13,214
Ice cream got me
through three more pans,
669
00:27:13,298 --> 00:27:14,966
but after that, ashes.
670
00:27:15,050 --> 00:27:17,844
Well, now you have to decide,
once and for all,
671
00:27:17,927 --> 00:27:20,388
where your allegiance lies.
672
00:27:20,472 --> 00:27:23,224
I'm not going back to that job.
673
00:27:23,308 --> 00:27:25,644
I'm gonna stay here with you
and we're going to get even
674
00:27:25,727 --> 00:27:27,145
with Jay G.
675
00:27:27,228 --> 00:27:28,938
And as God is my witness,
676
00:27:29,022 --> 00:27:32,692
I will not tell my wife
what I'm up to.
677
00:27:32,776 --> 00:27:34,736
Oh, that's good.
678
00:27:39,157 --> 00:27:40,367
BURNS:
Come on, Simpson.
679
00:27:40,450 --> 00:27:42,869
Give me more ideas
to get back at Jay G.
680
00:27:42,952 --> 00:27:44,746
-Fill his office with balloons?
-Too soft.
681
00:27:44,829 --> 00:27:46,373
Fill his office with scorpions?
682
00:27:46,456 --> 00:27:48,333
Eh, I'm having a fight
with my scorpion guy.
683
00:27:48,416 --> 00:27:50,502
Oh, oh, oh.
Banana in his tailpipe.
684
00:27:50,585 --> 00:27:52,879
-I can't afford a banana!
-(twig snaps)
685
00:27:52,962 --> 00:27:55,298
What's that?
A spy! Grab him.
686
00:27:55,382 --> 00:27:56,716
Come here, spy.
687
00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:58,218
What are you doing here, boy?
688
00:27:58,301 --> 00:28:00,261
You're not dead. Are you?
689
00:28:00,345 --> 00:28:02,013
I followed you.
I got suspicious
690
00:28:02,097 --> 00:28:04,474
when you came home last night
covered in grave dirt.
691
00:28:04,557 --> 00:28:06,476
Be gone, urchin.
We have work to do.
692
00:28:06,559 --> 00:28:08,144
Wait, wait! He can help.
693
00:28:08,228 --> 00:28:10,772
No one's better at
nasty schemes than this kid.
694
00:28:10,855 --> 00:28:12,816
I mean, he's messed up.
695
00:28:12,899 --> 00:28:16,444
Look at him. You got to figure
his family life's a disaster.
696
00:28:16,528 --> 00:28:18,405
Why should I help Burns
now that he's broke?
697
00:28:18,488 --> 00:28:20,407
I've got more money
than he does.
698
00:28:20,490 --> 00:28:22,742
Would the cape and gloves
699
00:28:22,826 --> 00:28:24,911
of the infamous
Gaslight Strangler
700
00:28:24,994 --> 00:28:27,497
change your mind?
701
00:28:27,580 --> 00:28:30,041
If you want to take down
a rapper, you got to destroy
702
00:28:30,125 --> 00:28:33,420
the thing that's most important
to him-- his rep.
703
00:28:33,503 --> 00:28:36,840
(whispering)
Rep means reputation.
704
00:28:36,923 --> 00:28:39,676
To do that, we got to go
to the ultimate expert
705
00:28:39,759 --> 00:28:41,344
on urban culture.
706
00:28:41,428 --> 00:28:43,096
A white nerd.
707
00:28:43,179 --> 00:28:45,390
So, in South Central
Springfield in the '90s,
708
00:28:45,473 --> 00:28:47,600
there were four major
hip-hop sub-scenes.
709
00:28:47,684 --> 00:28:50,103
The Good Time Mafia,
Licorice Avenue,
710
00:28:50,186 --> 00:28:52,689
The Dirty, Dirty North,
and The FLTA.
711
00:28:52,772 --> 00:28:54,524
The Fine Ladies Thug Army.
712
00:28:54,607 --> 00:28:56,359
Fascinating.
713
00:28:57,861 --> 00:28:59,529
Yes, yes, but do you have
anything we can use
714
00:28:59,612 --> 00:29:02,115
against my sworn enemy, Jay G?
715
00:29:02,198 --> 00:29:05,034
Before he was Jay G,
he was Jeremy Gilroy,
716
00:29:05,118 --> 00:29:07,370
a founding member
of The Five Boyfriends,
717
00:29:07,454 --> 00:29:09,080
a soulful R&B quintet.
718
00:29:09,164 --> 00:29:10,707
Hey, I know this guy.
719
00:29:10,790 --> 00:29:13,543
He tried to sell me a $55 candle!
720
00:29:13,626 --> 00:29:16,629
That's Jazzy James,
the Lyrical Miracle.
721
00:29:16,713 --> 00:29:18,339
He wrote all of
Jay's early hits.
722
00:29:18,423 --> 00:29:20,091
But they had a falling out,
723
00:29:20,175 --> 00:29:22,218
and he was never heard from again.
724
00:29:22,302 --> 00:29:24,554
Then only one man can write the rap
725
00:29:24,637 --> 00:29:27,390
that will ruin the rep of Jay G.
726
00:29:27,474 --> 00:29:29,058
Jazzy James.
727
00:29:29,142 --> 00:29:31,227
HOMER:
I told you this guy would come back.
728
00:29:31,311 --> 00:29:32,520
Told you.
729
00:29:32,604 --> 00:29:35,315
Yeah, I used to be Jazzy James.
730
00:29:35,398 --> 00:29:37,150
The Lyrical Miracle?
731
00:29:37,233 --> 00:29:39,068
My skills were empirical.
732
00:29:39,152 --> 00:29:42,822
I wrote all the rhymes for
Jay G's first hip-hop record.
733
00:29:42,906 --> 00:29:46,576
I didn't get a dime, because
I signed over all the rights.
734
00:29:46,659 --> 00:29:48,745
-Why'd you do that?
-(groans)
735
00:29:48,828 --> 00:29:51,247
All right, all right.
I'll sign!
736
00:29:53,500 --> 00:29:55,919
He took my money,
stole my girl,
737
00:29:56,002 --> 00:29:59,839
made me get a tattoo of
the baseball from Major League.
738
00:29:59,923 --> 00:30:03,092
It broke me. I fell hard,
into scented candles.
739
00:30:03,176 --> 00:30:04,719
(inhales deeply)
740
00:30:04,803 --> 00:30:06,763
(exhales) Quince.
741
00:30:06,846 --> 00:30:09,390
Listen, Jazzy.
We're gonna tear down Jay G
742
00:30:09,474 --> 00:30:10,934
with the ultimate revenge rap.
743
00:30:11,017 --> 00:30:12,936
And you're gonna write it.
744
00:30:13,019 --> 00:30:14,979
-Oh... (grunts)
-(glass shatters)
745
00:30:15,063 --> 00:30:16,189
I'm in.
746
00:30:16,272 --> 00:30:17,565
Excellent.
747
00:30:17,649 --> 00:30:20,360
-What is... rap?
-Hmm?
748
00:30:20,443 --> 00:30:21,694
Hmm.
749
00:30:21,778 --> 00:30:23,530
Quick, boy! Hide this thing.
750
00:30:23,613 --> 00:30:24,864
(Bart grunting)
751
00:30:26,866 --> 00:30:30,703
Homie, it's so sweet of you
to come visit me at my store.
752
00:30:30,787 --> 00:30:33,706
But aren't you gonna get in
trouble for missing work?
753
00:30:33,790 --> 00:30:36,376
You let me worry
about the nuclear plant.
754
00:30:36,459 --> 00:30:38,127
The important thing
for you to do
755
00:30:38,211 --> 00:30:40,588
is believe I still work there.
756
00:30:40,672 --> 00:30:43,800
I can't wait to show you
the changes I've made.
757
00:30:43,883 --> 00:30:46,427
We're getting a lot of foot traffic.
758
00:30:46,511 --> 00:30:48,847
Three people used
the bathroom yesterday.
759
00:30:48,930 --> 00:30:50,849
{\an8}How much should I charge
for these handbags
760
00:30:50,932 --> 00:30:53,601
{\an8}made from the speaker covers
of old jukeboxes?
761
00:30:53,685 --> 00:30:56,062
Five dollars.
No, no, no, no, no.
762
00:30:56,145 --> 00:30:58,189
A hundred dollars!
(gasps)
763
00:30:58,273 --> 00:31:00,650
It's happening. It's happening.
764
00:31:00,733 --> 00:31:03,319
I love my store!
765
00:31:03,403 --> 00:31:06,531
We're putting up new wallpaper.
766
00:31:06,614 --> 00:31:08,867
(grunting)
767
00:31:08,950 --> 00:31:11,202
Is Mom gonna be okay?
768
00:31:11,286 --> 00:31:14,247
I don't know, son,
I don't know.
769
00:31:14,330 --> 00:31:15,832
MAN:
Oh, it's not her, fellas.
770
00:31:15,915 --> 00:31:18,418
It's the curse of
the adorable little store.
771
00:31:18,501 --> 00:31:20,795
Didn't always used to be like this.
No, no.
772
00:31:20,879 --> 00:31:23,298
Once, this land was
full of actual stores,
773
00:31:23,381 --> 00:31:25,216
as far as the eye could see.
774
00:31:25,300 --> 00:31:27,051
Then the rich people came.
775
00:31:27,135 --> 00:31:28,928
They didn't need to make money,
776
00:31:29,012 --> 00:31:31,264
they just needed a place for
their friends to wander into,
777
00:31:31,347 --> 00:31:32,891
after spin class.
778
00:31:32,974 --> 00:31:34,559
Yeah, that's progress for you.
779
00:31:34,642 --> 00:31:36,394
I suppose.
780
00:31:36,477 --> 00:31:38,771
HOMER:
And so, with Jazzy James on board,
781
00:31:38,855 --> 00:31:42,525
Mr. Burns set out to produce
the ultimate revenge rap.
782
00:31:42,609 --> 00:31:45,153
-(hip-hop beat begins playing)
-♪ Uh, listen up, suckers ♪
783
00:31:45,236 --> 00:31:47,196
♪ I'm-a say how I feel ♪
784
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:50,199
♪ My dealings with Jay G
have been less than... ideal ♪
785
00:31:50,283 --> 00:31:51,910
I... (sighs)
786
00:31:51,993 --> 00:31:53,620
It's-it's no use. I've lost it.
787
00:31:53,703 --> 00:31:56,915
I need you to rap
like your world is ending.
788
00:31:56,998 --> 00:31:58,958
Like you just found out
that capital gains
789
00:31:59,042 --> 00:32:01,377
are going to be taxed at the
same rate as ordinary income.
790
00:32:01,461 --> 00:32:03,463
I need you to put
your entire soul into it.
791
00:32:03,546 --> 00:32:05,548
Now rhyme, Jazzy, rhyme!
792
00:32:05,632 --> 00:32:08,384
I got nothin'.
Just take me back to my candles.
793
00:32:08,468 --> 00:32:09,719
I need my quince!
794
00:32:09,802 --> 00:32:11,638
Wait, I have another idea.
795
00:32:11,721 --> 00:32:14,015
{\an8}I'm feelin' it! (laughs)
I'm feelin' it!
796
00:32:14,098 --> 00:32:15,683
{\an8}Now, almost drop me.
797
00:32:15,767 --> 00:32:17,644
{\an8}(whoops)
Why does this work?
798
00:32:17,727 --> 00:32:19,354
♪ ♪
799
00:32:19,437 --> 00:32:20,772
♪ Jay, you're a rhyme thief ♪
800
00:32:20,855 --> 00:32:22,482
♪ A hip-hop perjurer ♪
801
00:32:22,565 --> 00:32:24,233
♪ If my words were beef patties ♪
802
00:32:24,317 --> 00:32:25,652
♪ You'd be the Hamburglar ♪
803
00:32:25,735 --> 00:32:27,403
♪ My beats are the freshest ♪
804
00:32:27,487 --> 00:32:28,988
♪ My beats are the freshest ♪
805
00:32:29,072 --> 00:32:30,573
♪ You reached out and stole 'em ♪
806
00:32:30,657 --> 00:32:32,325
♪ Like Gollum did precious ♪
807
00:32:32,408 --> 00:32:34,327
♪ Time for the truth to be paid off ♪
808
00:32:34,410 --> 00:32:36,162
♪ You're a lyrical Madoff ♪
809
00:32:36,245 --> 00:32:37,747
♪ So if you want to go to war, brah ♪
810
00:32:37,830 --> 00:32:39,374
♪ Hit me up
and I'll write the rap for ya ♪
811
00:32:39,457 --> 00:32:41,376
-Yeah!
-Whoa, it rhymed!
812
00:32:41,459 --> 00:32:43,169
(laughs)
813
00:32:43,252 --> 00:32:46,089
Now that's what I call
a corking revenge rap.
814
00:32:46,172 --> 00:32:48,508
If anyone's hungry,
we've set up a deli platter
815
00:32:48,591 --> 00:32:50,551
-in the lobby.
-I'm hungry!
816
00:32:50,635 --> 00:32:53,179
For gettin' what's mine.
817
00:32:55,264 --> 00:32:58,393
Oh, ain't no deli platter
ordered for a recording session
818
00:32:58,476 --> 00:33:00,937
that Praline doesn't hear about.
Mm-mm.
819
00:33:01,020 --> 00:33:02,939
Praline?
She's Jay G's ex-wife.
820
00:33:03,022 --> 00:33:04,357
I thought you were in prison.
821
00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:06,192
That's what the guards said,
822
00:33:06,275 --> 00:33:08,695
but I wasn't having that.
823
00:33:08,778 --> 00:33:11,364
Oh, we duckin' now?
So that's how it is?
824
00:33:11,447 --> 00:33:13,616
-(chuckles) I see.
-Oh, no, he didn't.
825
00:33:13,700 --> 00:33:14,909
No, he did not.
826
00:33:14,993 --> 00:33:16,452
-Shut up, Miata.
-Oh.
827
00:33:16,536 --> 00:33:17,996
Put that rare roast beef
in a baggie.
828
00:33:18,079 --> 00:33:19,205
Mm-hmm, that one.
829
00:33:19,288 --> 00:33:22,959
So, Praline, are you
with us or against us?
830
00:33:23,042 --> 00:33:25,253
Jay G took
everything from me.
831
00:33:25,336 --> 00:33:29,424
You best believe I'm going
to take everything from him.
832
00:33:29,507 --> 00:33:30,675
Get the ham!
833
00:33:30,758 --> 00:33:32,385
We're really glad
to have you.
834
00:33:32,468 --> 00:33:34,429
-Thanks for your help.
-Who you thankin'?
835
00:33:34,512 --> 00:33:36,431
I'm not doing this for you,
boo boo kitty.
836
00:33:36,514 --> 00:33:38,808
HOMER: With an angry ex-wife
on our team,
837
00:33:38,891 --> 00:33:40,059
we were unstoppable.
838
00:33:40,143 --> 00:33:41,894
Praline brought in
an all-star lineup
839
00:33:41,978 --> 00:33:44,230
of Jay G's enemies
to lend their hatred
840
00:33:44,313 --> 00:33:46,357
to the world's
greatest diss rap.
841
00:33:46,441 --> 00:33:49,819
RZA, Snoop, and Common.
842
00:33:50,987 --> 00:33:54,449
♪ Yo, I want to
back-smack Jay G, son ♪
843
00:33:54,532 --> 00:33:56,951
♪ He took that name
Tang Clan from me ♪
844
00:33:57,035 --> 00:33:59,495
♪ And since there couldn't be two ♪
845
00:33:59,579 --> 00:34:01,956
♪ I had to change
my Tang Clan to Wu ♪
846
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:04,709
♪ I seen Jay G pimp, lie, and rob ♪
847
00:34:04,792 --> 00:34:07,378
♪ Took my handyman off a job ♪
848
00:34:07,462 --> 00:34:08,629
♪ And when I complained ♪
849
00:34:08,713 --> 00:34:10,798
♪ All he did was laugh ♪
850
00:34:10,882 --> 00:34:13,468
♪ Now I got half a gazebo,
and not even the good half ♪
851
00:34:13,551 --> 00:34:15,928
♪ I would never wish hate
on my brother ♪
852
00:34:16,012 --> 00:34:18,389
♪ 'Cause we're all from
the same celestial mother ♪
853
00:34:18,473 --> 00:34:21,059
Wait, I just remembered
Jay crashed my Jet Ski.
854
00:34:21,142 --> 00:34:23,770
I hope he get food poisoning
from nachos. Peace!
855
00:34:23,853 --> 00:34:25,730
Yo, Common, that was tight.
856
00:34:25,813 --> 00:34:27,231
Respect, 'House.
857
00:34:28,691 --> 00:34:31,736
Oh, when this track drops,
some feelings gonna get hurt.
858
00:34:31,819 --> 00:34:33,946
-Obliverated.
-Indeed.
859
00:34:34,030 --> 00:34:36,407
I just wish Smithers
and his ice were here
860
00:34:36,491 --> 00:34:37,867
to witness my revenge.
861
00:34:37,950 --> 00:34:39,952
MEN (French Canadian accents):
Fight, fight, fight.
862
00:34:40,036 --> 00:34:41,954
(men shouting)
863
00:34:45,458 --> 00:34:47,376
(growls, grunts)
864
00:34:47,460 --> 00:34:49,003
(all gasping)
865
00:34:50,713 --> 00:34:52,507
(hip-hop playing)
866
00:34:52,590 --> 00:34:55,510
Prepare for the turning
of the worms.
867
00:34:55,593 --> 00:34:56,969
No offense, worms.
868
00:34:57,053 --> 00:35:01,182
I now drop "Choke on Diss,"
a.k.a. "Rhyme Crime,"
869
00:35:01,265 --> 00:35:05,061
by Hate Squad, featuring
the Rhyme Crime All-Stars.
870
00:35:07,313 --> 00:35:08,940
Why isn't it dropping?
871
00:35:09,023 --> 00:35:10,483
Release the sounds!
872
00:35:10,566 --> 00:35:11,567
(honks)
873
00:35:11,651 --> 00:35:13,361
-(all gasping)
-Damn!
874
00:35:13,444 --> 00:35:16,322
Sorry to crash your party
as a hologram, M.B.,
875
00:35:16,405 --> 00:35:18,699
but I'm having a little
celebration of my own.
876
00:35:18,783 --> 00:35:20,409
I just bought
the master recording
877
00:35:20,493 --> 00:35:22,829
of your so-called diss rap.
878
00:35:22,912 --> 00:35:24,080
Ha, no way.
879
00:35:24,163 --> 00:35:25,540
Jazzy James and Hate Squad,
880
00:35:25,623 --> 00:35:27,375
featuring the Rhyme Crime
All-Stars hate you!
881
00:35:27,458 --> 00:35:28,835
They'd never sell out.
882
00:35:28,918 --> 00:35:30,253
They would...
883
00:35:30,336 --> 00:35:32,255
for money!
884
00:35:32,338 --> 00:35:33,464
Sorry, Monty.
885
00:35:33,548 --> 00:35:35,591
Jay G is the best producer
in the world
886
00:35:35,675 --> 00:35:38,678
and you're a tone-deaf pauper
who lives in a grave.
887
00:35:38,761 --> 00:35:40,888
-Ouch.
-I thought I hated him,
888
00:35:40,972 --> 00:35:42,181
but now I don't.
889
00:35:42,265 --> 00:35:43,808
So now I'm here.
890
00:35:43,891 --> 00:35:45,893
If you can't handle
a strong female hologram,
891
00:35:45,977 --> 00:35:47,353
that's on you.
892
00:35:47,436 --> 00:35:49,772
Jay G and D-O-double-G.
893
00:35:49,856 --> 00:35:51,232
We flipped the script.
894
00:35:51,315 --> 00:35:52,900
This ultimate betrayal
895
00:35:52,984 --> 00:35:54,819
is part of your spiritual journey.
896
00:35:54,902 --> 00:35:56,863
Lesson one-- protect your neck.
897
00:35:56,946 --> 00:35:59,782
Say good-bye to
your revenge rap forever.
898
00:35:59,866 --> 00:36:01,450
'Cause it's about to drop.
899
00:36:01,534 --> 00:36:03,411
(gulps, honks)
900
00:36:03,494 --> 00:36:05,204
Mmm. (kisses)
901
00:36:05,288 --> 00:36:07,456
Party at the power plant, y'all.
902
00:36:10,042 --> 00:36:12,128
I swear on the squid beak
of Lord Cthulhu
903
00:36:12,211 --> 00:36:13,921
and all his briny shoggoths,
904
00:36:14,005 --> 00:36:16,382
I will get revenge on you, Jay G.
905
00:36:16,465 --> 00:36:18,426
HOMER:
And so Mr. Burns beat on,
906
00:36:18,509 --> 00:36:20,511
fists against the hologram,
907
00:36:20,595 --> 00:36:24,765
punching back ceaselessly
into his own face.
908
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,439
Which new name do you like better?
909
00:36:31,522 --> 00:36:32,982
Next Doorables...
910
00:36:33,065 --> 00:36:35,443
(gasps)
or the Lavender Zeppelin?
911
00:36:35,526 --> 00:36:37,320
I just don't know anymore.
912
00:36:37,403 --> 00:36:39,947
-(door opens, bell rings)
-(gasps) A customer!
913
00:36:40,031 --> 00:36:41,532
Oh, it's you.
914
00:36:41,616 --> 00:36:42,992
Baby, I'm sorry.
915
00:36:43,075 --> 00:36:44,744
I stayed loyal to Mr. Burns,
916
00:36:44,827 --> 00:36:46,787
coproduced a failed revenge rap,
917
00:36:46,871 --> 00:36:48,372
and now we've got nothing.
918
00:36:48,456 --> 00:36:49,832
(gasps)
919
00:36:49,916 --> 00:36:52,668
I know it's crazy,
but he needed me.
920
00:36:52,752 --> 00:36:55,671
-Oh, it's okay, Homie.
-You're not mad?
921
00:36:55,755 --> 00:36:58,591
Your heart told you
to stick with Mr. Burns,
922
00:36:58,674 --> 00:37:00,593
and the thing I love
about you most
923
00:37:00,676 --> 00:37:03,721
is you've got a heart
as big as The Ritz.
924
00:37:03,804 --> 00:37:07,308
Wow, Mom, you just made an
F. Scott Fitzgerald reference.
925
00:37:07,391 --> 00:37:10,895
Lisa, please,
I did graduate high school.
926
00:37:10,978 --> 00:37:13,064
(sighs)
927
00:37:19,070 --> 00:37:23,908
I've just hatched a plan
for the most delicious revenge.
928
00:37:23,991 --> 00:37:25,534
Simpson, we must away.
929
00:37:25,618 --> 00:37:27,036
Did you want to buy that?
930
00:37:27,119 --> 00:37:28,579
Just looking.
931
00:37:28,663 --> 00:37:30,581
We can't afford the store anymore!
932
00:37:30,665 --> 00:37:32,083
Oh, thank God.
933
00:37:32,166 --> 00:37:35,127
Oh! I'm free!
(grunts)
934
00:37:36,212 --> 00:37:38,631
Well, before long,
another aimless soul
935
00:37:38,714 --> 00:37:41,050
will open another
adorable store here.
936
00:37:41,133 --> 00:37:42,718
And when they do,
937
00:37:42,802 --> 00:37:45,513
Old Sam the Sign Hanger
will be ready,
938
00:37:45,596 --> 00:37:47,556
with his level and his ladder.
939
00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:49,934
Oh, why,
here comes one now.
940
00:37:50,017 --> 00:37:53,020
-Oh, honey, isn't it darling?
-Huh? (laughs)
941
00:37:53,104 --> 00:37:55,189
We finally found
the Bookmark Barn.
942
00:37:55,273 --> 00:37:57,525
-(cackling)
-Oh, this is Wicker Works.
943
00:37:57,608 --> 00:37:59,944
We're gonna sell
so many Yorkie sweaters.
944
00:38:00,027 --> 00:38:02,613
We can use the contractor
that did Karen's store.
945
00:38:02,697 --> 00:38:05,533
HOMER:
Mr. Burns' plan was so horrifying,
946
00:38:05,616 --> 00:38:08,119
I could barely shut up
and go along with it.
947
00:38:08,202 --> 00:38:10,454
But I was the only friend
he had left in the world
948
00:38:10,538 --> 00:38:12,498
and he was whipping me so hard.
949
00:38:12,581 --> 00:38:14,458
Ow, ow!
950
00:38:14,542 --> 00:38:16,961
Oh, Goosius.
951
00:38:17,044 --> 00:38:18,879
Daddy's got your oatmeal.
952
00:38:18,963 --> 00:38:22,883
Golden raisins, just the way
you like 'em, baby.
953
00:38:28,306 --> 00:38:30,808
Goosey!
954
00:38:30,891 --> 00:38:32,727
(tires screech)
955
00:38:32,810 --> 00:38:35,271
Where's my goose?
956
00:38:35,354 --> 00:38:37,440
Why, he's right here.
957
00:38:37,523 --> 00:38:40,651
Fancy a bite of roast Goosius?
958
00:38:44,071 --> 00:38:45,323
You didn't!
959
00:38:45,406 --> 00:38:47,366
(laughing)
Oh, I did.
960
00:38:47,450 --> 00:38:50,119
Mmm.
A trifle fatty, but other than that,
961
00:38:50,202 --> 00:38:51,579
excellent.
962
00:38:51,662 --> 00:38:54,498
Damn, I didn't think
you had it in you, M.B.
963
00:38:54,582 --> 00:38:56,751
(sobbing) Oh, man.
964
00:38:56,834 --> 00:38:58,502
I don't want to live in a world
965
00:38:58,586 --> 00:39:02,006
without the mascot
of my multinational empire.
966
00:39:02,089 --> 00:39:03,382
(sobs)
967
00:39:03,466 --> 00:39:05,676
(Goosius honking,
Homer grunting)
968
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:07,136
Stop it!
969
00:39:07,219 --> 00:39:09,138
I saved your life, you stupid duck!
970
00:39:09,221 --> 00:39:12,475
Simpson,
I told you to cook his goose.
971
00:39:12,558 --> 00:39:15,102
I couldn't do it.
We just had our portrait done.
972
00:39:15,186 --> 00:39:16,979
(honks)
973
00:39:17,063 --> 00:39:18,898
Then, what did I eat?
974
00:39:18,981 --> 00:39:20,733
Roast goose from
the gas station.
975
00:39:20,816 --> 00:39:22,985
-Fine, then I'll kill it myself.
-(gasps)
976
00:39:23,069 --> 00:39:25,029
(honking)
977
00:39:25,112 --> 00:39:27,865
HOMER: The two rivals found
themselves doomed by the lusts
978
00:39:27,948 --> 00:39:30,034
that drive all men-- money, power,
979
00:39:30,117 --> 00:39:32,536
and the pursuit of a goose.
980
00:39:32,620 --> 00:39:34,622
(groans)
981
00:39:34,705 --> 00:39:36,540
(honking)
982
00:39:37,500 --> 00:39:40,503
Damn it, Monty, I don't want to die.
983
00:39:40,586 --> 00:39:42,213
Well, if we have to end this way,
984
00:39:42,296 --> 00:39:44,131
at least it's of natural causes--
985
00:39:44,215 --> 00:39:46,509
a business deal gone wrong.
986
00:39:46,592 --> 00:39:48,928
(creaking)
987
00:39:49,011 --> 00:39:51,013
-(shouts)
-Tell me, Jay.
988
00:39:51,097 --> 00:39:52,264
Why'd you betray me?
989
00:39:52,348 --> 00:39:53,933
We were kindred souls.
990
00:39:54,016 --> 00:39:55,267
Brothers in avarice.
991
00:39:55,351 --> 00:39:58,270
Why?
Because you told me to!
992
00:39:58,354 --> 00:40:00,272
In your own last chapter.
993
00:40:03,442 --> 00:40:05,736
"You will never be truly ruthless
994
00:40:05,820 --> 00:40:08,030
until you destroy the one
who made you."
995
00:40:08,114 --> 00:40:10,116
I had to tear you down, M.B.!
996
00:40:10,199 --> 00:40:12,701
It was the final rung.
997
00:40:16,664 --> 00:40:19,917
I just wanted to be ruthless,
like you.
998
00:40:24,922 --> 00:40:28,134
That I inspired you to such
pure and evil greed,
999
00:40:28,217 --> 00:40:30,010
that is my greatest triumph.
1000
00:40:30,094 --> 00:40:32,096
I am truly immortal.
1001
00:40:32,179 --> 00:40:34,557
We're about to die, fool.
1002
00:40:37,685 --> 00:40:38,853
(yelling)
1003
00:40:43,149 --> 00:40:46,360
Smithers, I ordered ice, not slush.
1004
00:40:46,444 --> 00:40:47,862
Sorry I'm late, sir.
1005
00:40:47,945 --> 00:40:49,488
A few of these
French Canadian bikers
1006
00:40:49,572 --> 00:40:50,865
got delayed at the border.
1007
00:40:50,948 --> 00:40:53,075
Apparently, I'm their leader now.
1008
00:40:53,159 --> 00:40:56,162
Smithers, Smithers, Smithers!
1009
00:40:56,245 --> 00:40:58,372
(chuckles)
1010
00:40:58,456 --> 00:41:00,124
Ow. That stings.
1011
00:41:00,207 --> 00:41:01,667
Oh, that one's nice.
1012
00:41:01,750 --> 00:41:03,335
How dare you.
1013
00:41:03,419 --> 00:41:04,670
Fascinating.
1014
00:41:04,753 --> 00:41:06,130
BOTH: Excellent.
1015
00:41:06,213 --> 00:41:09,592
HOMER: Mr. Burns realized
that his ruthless will to power
1016
00:41:09,675 --> 00:41:13,262
would beat on forever
in another man's heart.
1017
00:41:15,848 --> 00:41:18,601
Ah, I guess this summer's really over.
1018
00:41:18,684 --> 00:41:22,646
(crying)
I'm gonna miss Goosius.
1019
00:41:22,730 --> 00:41:24,648
Aah!
1020
00:41:24,732 --> 00:41:26,317
Thanks, boy.
1021
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:28,694
Do you think Mr. Burns
learned anything from all this?
1022
00:41:28,777 --> 00:41:31,071
Could it have changed him
for the better?
1023
00:41:31,155 --> 00:41:34,325
You know what?
I have a feeling it did.
1024
00:41:35,743 --> 00:41:37,244
BURNS (over P.A.): Attention.
1025
00:41:37,328 --> 00:41:38,913
For the sheer joy of it,
1026
00:41:38,996 --> 00:41:42,500
every day will now include a
moment of musical appreciation.
1027
00:41:42,583 --> 00:41:44,960
♪ Music makes the whole world ♪
1028
00:41:45,044 --> 00:41:47,004
♪ Whole world ♪
1029
00:41:47,087 --> 00:41:50,007
Mm, let's not do this tomorrow.
1030
00:41:50,090 --> 00:41:52,676
{\an8}♪ Oh ♪
1031
00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:55,346
{\an8}♪ Go round, hey ♪
1032
00:41:55,429 --> 00:41:58,015
{\an8}♪ Ah-ah-ha ♪
1033
00:41:58,098 --> 00:42:00,392
{\an8}(hip-hop version
of Simpsons theme playing)
1034
00:42:38,138 --> 00:42:39,265
Shh!
1035
00:42:39,348 --> 00:42:42,560
(female group sings
Gracie Films theme)
1036
00:42:43,060 --> 00:42:45,980
Subtitled by Post Haste Digital