1 00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,214 {\an8}CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:08,299 {\an8}(theme music playing) 3 00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,594 (exclaims) 4 00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:18,810 (school bell ringing) 5 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,022 (burps) 6 00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:23,982 (tires screech) 7 00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:26,568 D'oh! 8 00:00:26,651 --> 00:00:28,862 -(tires screech) -(grunts) 9 00:00:30,155 --> 00:00:31,531 Hmm. 10 00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:40,707 ♪ ♪ 11 00:00:45,378 --> 00:00:47,756 {\an8}(Strauss' "Also Sprach Zarathustra" playing) 12 00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:02,395 {\an8}(clacking) 13 00:01:25,835 --> 00:01:27,670 -(alarm wailing) -HOMER: Uh-oh. 14 00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:32,175 -(alarm stops) -HOMER: Sweet. 15 00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:39,641 -(gulping) -Whoo-hoo! 16 00:01:40,892 --> 00:01:42,560 -Simpson. -Uh-oh. The boss. 17 00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:45,146 {\an8}Do you know what you've done? 18 00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:48,108 {\an8}You won the "count the buttons" in the button jar challenge. 19 00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:50,527 {\an8}Thanks to him, you all get the rest of the day off. 20 00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:52,570 {\an8}(chuckles) Go home. 21 00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:55,573 {\an8}Live your lives. Don't look back. 22 00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:57,117 {\an8}Smithers, the bodies. 23 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,452 {\an8}(beeping) 24 00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:02,705 {\an8}♪ ♪ 25 00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:05,834 {\an8}I had a great day, and I really want to celebrate with the boys. 26 00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:08,545 {\an8}So don't wait up for me, my sweet, 27 00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,880 {\an8}wonderful bartender, Moe. 28 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,632 {\an8}Yeah, all right, but who's the boys? 29 00:02:12,715 --> 00:02:15,677 {\an8}Marge's boobs. See ya. Mm-hmm. 30 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,804 {\an8}(rapping) ♪ I'm so happy ♪ 31 00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:20,598 {\an8}♪ Bursting with joy, my day's been spectacular ♪ 32 00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:23,893 {\an8}♪ Improving my vernacular, eating Cracker Jack-ular ♪ 33 00:02:24,727 --> 00:02:27,188 {\an8}♪ It's a perfect day so far... ♪ 34 00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:30,066 {\an8}Patty and Selma's car?! D'oh! 35 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,735 {\an8}Homie, stop dropping rhymes and get dressed. 36 00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:36,322 {\an8}We're going to the 38th annual DMV Awards. 37 00:02:36,406 --> 00:02:38,533 {\an8}Aw, there are too many award shows. 38 00:02:38,616 --> 00:02:41,119 {\an8}People don't deserve so many awards. People suck. 39 00:02:41,202 --> 00:02:43,079 {\an8}They should just be grateful to be alive. 40 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:46,166 {\an8}Get your coffin suit out, 'cause you're goin'. 41 00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:47,792 {\an8}-(groans) -You're at table one, 42 00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:50,503 {\an8}next to the bathroom, furthest from the bar. 43 00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:53,673 {\an8}Patty and Selma are producing the Surlys this year. 44 00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:55,800 {\an8}Hamilton's gonna win everything. 45 00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:58,052 {\an8}Fred Hamilton. Window six. 46 00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:00,555 {\an8}He can make every person in the room 47 00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:03,725 {\an8}feel like their number is the furthest from being called. 48 00:03:03,808 --> 00:03:05,643 {\an8}(laughing) 49 00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:07,187 {\an8}-(light crackling) -(dog barks in distance) 50 00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:11,149 {\an8}You know, Selma, James Bond has a license to kill. 51 00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:13,234 {\an8}HOMER: Stop forcing banter! 52 00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:16,905 {\an8}But a lot of people would kill for these licenses. 53 00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:19,449 HOMER: Heckle! Heckle! 54 00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:21,576 For Funniest Vanity Plate, 55 00:03:21,659 --> 00:03:25,121 the nominees are I Heart Heart Doctors, 56 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,123 from the writing team of... 57 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,750 Oh, team?! 58 00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:31,127 ♪ ♪ 59 00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:34,380 BOTH: Beep-beep, beep-beep. 60 00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:37,717 Objects may be sexier than they appear. 61 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:38,843 (growls) 62 00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:40,053 That's it. I'm leaving. 63 00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:42,013 -Take me! -You'd slow me down! 64 00:03:42,096 --> 00:03:44,891 Lisa Simpson here, covering the Surly Awards 65 00:03:44,974 --> 00:03:48,102 for Springfield Elementary School Radio, WSES. 66 00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:50,438 Ooh, here comes an audience member now. 67 00:03:50,521 --> 00:03:53,441 One guy in the "In Memoriam" reel was alive when it started! 68 00:03:53,524 --> 00:03:55,443 Don't forget your gift bag! 69 00:03:55,526 --> 00:03:57,695 HOMER: It's just a coupon for a dollar off at the car wash, 70 00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:59,572 but if you don't have one, the lady at the car wash 71 00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:01,866 will give you one from out of a drawer! 72 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:03,993 -(tires screech) -Homer, come back! 73 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,787 You're the next presenter! 74 00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:07,789 HOMER: The winner is me 'cause I'm leaving! 75 00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:10,124 Stomach filled with rage. 76 00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:12,794 Must quench with French fries. 77 00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:14,712 (tires screech) 78 00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:16,422 Five Krusty Burgers. No tomato. 79 00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:19,425 Sorry, sir. We no longer serve Krusty Burgers. 80 00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:23,054 But it's your name! It's as if Macy's didn't sell Mace! 81 00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:25,807 Our corporate parent in Kumamoto, Japan, 82 00:04:25,890 --> 00:04:30,520 has instituted the following fun and nonnegotiable changes... 83 00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:33,439 -(traditional Japanese music playing) -Hey, hey! 84 00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:36,067 Try our Buttermilk Sriracha Sandwich, 85 00:04:36,150 --> 00:04:38,569 Kobe Shiitake Ciabatta Explosion, 86 00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:42,073 and Hanoi Honey Barbecue Banh Mi Pho-furter. 87 00:04:42,156 --> 00:04:44,867 Get 'em quick, before they're Sai-gone! 88 00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,327 (laughs) 89 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:48,579 Oh, I just want a one-pound burger 90 00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:51,082 that a snake couldn't fit its mouth around. 91 00:04:51,165 --> 00:04:53,876 Sorry. We no longer sell the Python Buster. 92 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:57,672 Would you like some Kombucha Kimchi Mini Tacos instead? 93 00:04:57,755 --> 00:04:59,507 Just give me a cup. 94 00:04:59,590 --> 00:05:01,259 That's beet aioli. 95 00:05:01,342 --> 00:05:03,052 No! 96 00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:06,472 -(tires screech) -People! Beware! 97 00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:10,018 The crap you love to eat has been replaced by food! 98 00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:11,519 (tires screech) 99 00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:13,229 (tires screech) 100 00:05:15,732 --> 00:05:17,692 ♪ ♪ 101 00:05:26,617 --> 00:05:29,996 Heavenly Father, I know you're a friend of the eating man. 102 00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:32,999 You created Sunday so we can have brunch. 103 00:05:33,082 --> 00:05:36,627 Please, O Lard, shower me with your divine grease 104 00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:38,546 and deliver me some egg rolls. 105 00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:41,716 Or pizza or hot dogs. Whatever I can eat while driving. 106 00:05:41,799 --> 00:05:45,094 For thine is the flower and the gravy forever. 107 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:46,929 A menu... 108 00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:49,140 would be great. 109 00:05:49,223 --> 00:05:51,225 ♪ ♪ 110 00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:53,436 (gasps) Thank you. 111 00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:58,524 -Help you? -Um... 112 00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:00,943 what's the healthiest thing in this place? 113 00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:03,446 Whoo-hoo! 114 00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:06,407 Chewie, we're home. 115 00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:08,117 Chewie is what I call my mouth. 116 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:11,329 I really don't care what you call your mouth. 117 00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:22,924 (tires screech) 118 00:06:23,966 --> 00:06:25,218 Ah. 119 00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:28,054 Just in time for breakfast. 120 00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:29,889 Hi, guys. 121 00:06:29,972 --> 00:06:32,892 So, Homie, I'm sure you have a good explanation 122 00:06:32,975 --> 00:06:35,144 -for where you were. -The best. 123 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,897 I was eating hot dogs. 124 00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:39,565 Hot dogs? (scoffs) 125 00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:42,610 -That is so stupid it must be the truth. -It is. 126 00:06:42,693 --> 00:06:45,488 I bet you're picturing me as a hot dog right now. 127 00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:47,407 Absolutely not! 128 00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:49,242 -Oh... -(chuckles) 129 00:06:49,325 --> 00:06:51,077 And these weren't just any hot dogs-- 130 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,704 they were Deuce's Caboose Chili Dogs! 131 00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:55,540 We were worried sick! 132 00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:57,333 What do you think we are, man? 133 00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,544 Take that. 134 00:06:59,627 --> 00:07:01,254 Ow! No fair! 135 00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:02,755 She nut-butted me. 136 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:06,050 (chuckles) Deuce's Caboose, eh? 137 00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:08,553 We used to take you there when you were a boy. 138 00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:10,263 I don't remember any of that. 139 00:07:10,346 --> 00:07:13,391 Well, you were young then, and you're stupid now. 140 00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:16,561 Your mom and me dropped you off there every Wednesday afternoon 141 00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:18,938 while we tuned up our marriage. 142 00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:22,900 -Turn here. -Oh, you just love to tell me what to do. 143 00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:26,070 We come here every week, and you get lost. 144 00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:27,405 Please stop fighting. 145 00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:30,616 Oh, you would just love it if we did that, wouldn't you? 146 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:44,046 He'll take a small soda and sit there for 50 minutes. 147 00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:47,216 (grunts) 148 00:07:48,217 --> 00:07:50,344 Hey, kid, have a chili dog, 149 00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:51,762 on the house. 150 00:07:52,513 --> 00:07:55,224 If we split up, no one gets Homer! 151 00:07:58,519 --> 00:08:01,022 ("The Flower Duet" playing) 152 00:08:05,776 --> 00:08:07,778 (monitor beeping rhythmically) 153 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:17,413 That's when I started eating my emotions. 154 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:20,208 Oh. You poor guy. 155 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,084 Fat-man begins. 156 00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,879 Well, it taught me a great coping skill. 157 00:08:24,962 --> 00:08:28,341 Eating is to me what drinking is to me. 158 00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:31,511 (chuckles) I just wish I had something aggravating in my life 159 00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:32,887 to make me hungry now. 160 00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:34,430 -Hello! -(gasps) 161 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:38,935 Uh, Homie, Patty and Selma lost their jobs at the DMV, 162 00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:41,437 because they spent too much on the award show. 163 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:44,065 We went over the $43 budget. 164 00:08:44,148 --> 00:08:46,275 By $100,000. 165 00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:49,779 To save money, I said they could live here for a while. 166 00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:52,698 And don't forget, we have a baby and an iguana. 167 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,825 And they both have different sleep schedules. 168 00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:57,703 What they do have in common is diarrhea. 169 00:08:57,787 --> 00:08:59,872 And we forgot to bring diapers. 170 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:04,710 Hey. You remember me as a kid, right? 171 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:05,962 No, sir. 172 00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:08,965 But you called me your Little H-Dog, remember? 173 00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:11,342 Look, man, I'm getting up there. 174 00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:13,636 I can barely remember the starting lineup 175 00:09:13,719 --> 00:09:16,681 of the 1961 Chicago Blackhawks. 176 00:09:16,764 --> 00:09:19,475 Uh, Bobby Hull, Al Arbour, 177 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,477 Ed Litzenberger, captain, 178 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:24,188 Stan Mikita, and... that's all. 179 00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:26,065 Also, Dollard St. Laurent. 180 00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:27,942 But not you. 181 00:09:28,025 --> 00:09:30,152 I'm sorry, sir. 182 00:09:32,446 --> 00:09:34,115 (moans) 183 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,327 Okay, people, what have you got? 184 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:41,163 We're being killed in the ratings by the morning announcements. 185 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,290 SKINNER (on P.A.): Attention, 186 00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:45,167 the bus that took 30 kids on a "field trip" 187 00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:46,836 was not from this school. 188 00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:50,298 If anyone's mom can pick up 30 students in South Springfield, 189 00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:52,216 it would be much appreciated. Ow! 190 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:54,760 Why didn't we break that story?! 191 00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:58,514 Damn it, we're even being beaten by Jimbo's podcast. 192 00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:01,225 Today on Left, Right and Center, we'll discuss whether 193 00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:03,769 to punch someone in the left, right, or center. 194 00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:05,605 Our special guest today 195 00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:08,941 is upside-down nerd, Milhouse Van Houten. 196 00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:10,943 Thanks for having me back. 197 00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:13,446 Aren't we just supposed to do the stories we want 198 00:10:13,529 --> 00:10:15,323 and not worry about ratings? 199 00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:17,408 That's kindergarten talk. 200 00:10:17,491 --> 00:10:20,328 This is professional fourth-grade radio. 201 00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:21,912 (knocking) 202 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:25,291 Meeting's over. I've got to put the balls back in. 203 00:10:25,374 --> 00:10:27,918 I'm the smartest ball in the bag. 204 00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:29,253 (crow caws) 205 00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:31,631 You could be replaced, and it wouldn't be hard. 206 00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:33,758 A cinder block with a stretched-out belt 207 00:10:33,841 --> 00:10:35,426 -would do the trick. -(yells) 208 00:10:37,386 --> 00:10:38,512 (tires squeal) 209 00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,598 ("The Flower Duet" playing) 210 00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:54,987 No one's eating at my place. 211 00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:56,530 No one! 212 00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:59,116 I'm a self-hating chew. 213 00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:03,037 ♪ Hot dog ♪ 214 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:05,998 ♪ Life is tasting pretty good ♪ 215 00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:08,125 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 216 00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:10,920 ♪ Hot dog ♪ 217 00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:13,798 ♪ 'Cause you love me like you should ♪ 218 00:11:13,881 --> 00:11:16,217 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 219 00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:18,844 ♪ So put some mustard on my roll ♪ 220 00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,805 ♪ 'Cause you're barking up my soul ♪ 221 00:11:20,888 --> 00:11:22,973 ♪ Hot dog ♪ 222 00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:25,059 -♪ I like to see you walk ♪ -♪ Beef log ♪ 223 00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:27,311 -♪ I like to hear you talk ♪ -♪ Food blog ♪ 224 00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:29,522 -♪ I really relish you ♪ -What rhymes with relish? 225 00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:31,399 -♪ Who could embellish you? ♪ -Whoo-hoo! 226 00:11:31,482 --> 00:11:33,442 BOTH: ♪ Hot dog ♪ 227 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,861 -♪ Hot dog ♪ -♪ Hot dog ♪ 228 00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:38,197 ♪ Hot dog ♪ 229 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:41,033 -♪ Don't know what's inside of you ♪ -♪ Hot dog ♪ 230 00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:43,160 (laughter) 231 00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:46,080 Ah. 232 00:11:46,163 --> 00:11:48,582 I still don't remember you, man. 233 00:11:49,625 --> 00:11:51,669 LISA: Here at Springfield Elementary, 234 00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:53,629 detention has many names. 235 00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:56,006 Prankatraz, The Skinner Sheraton, 236 00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:58,175 Spitball Alley, The Bully Pen, 237 00:11:58,259 --> 00:12:01,137 Three Elevenworth, Little Devil's Island, 238 00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:03,431 and Dead Man Chalking. 239 00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:07,893 And I am here with the legendary nurple purpler Nelson Muntz. 240 00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:10,896 -Yo. -Nelson, let me get right to it. 241 00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,523 Haw haw! 242 00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:14,567 Where did that come from? 243 00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:16,110 Um... wow. 244 00:12:16,193 --> 00:12:17,945 First of all, great question. 245 00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:21,115 I guess I just saw a jerk doing something lame, 246 00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:23,451 and I wanted to make the dope feel like a dingus. 247 00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:26,454 Well, Mr. Muntz, I just happen to have 248 00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:29,999 one of those "dingi" right here. 249 00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:32,918 Milhouse, how does it feel to get a full Nelson? 250 00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:35,379 The first "haw" isn't that bad. 251 00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:38,215 But the second one is devastating. 252 00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:40,634 Wow! Wow! 253 00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:41,927 Sorry, Lisa. 254 00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:44,054 Funding has run out for our radio station. 255 00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,973 I'm, uh, gonna have to take back your hat. 256 00:12:46,056 --> 00:12:48,476 -What?! -Jeff and Becky broke up! 257 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:52,229 Just before the story of the year! 258 00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:55,024 (Homer humming) 259 00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:56,275 Hmm? 260 00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:57,777 What's wrong, sweetie? 261 00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,904 They took away my radio station, 262 00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:03,407 which was the only source of news in a 50-foot area. 263 00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:06,577 You could come with me to the hot dog stand 264 00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:09,163 and do the word search on the kids' menu. 265 00:13:09,246 --> 00:13:10,998 Do they have diagonals? 266 00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:12,666 Diagonals! 267 00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:15,586 That's where "race car" was hiding. 268 00:13:17,671 --> 00:13:20,424 Oh, no, the hot dog stand is closed! 269 00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:23,511 The place I forgot for 30 years is gone! 270 00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:26,472 (whimpering) 271 00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:29,141 There's always a weak link. There's always a weak link! 272 00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:30,309 (groaning) 273 00:13:30,392 --> 00:13:32,645 We should help that man. He's choking. 274 00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:35,481 I remember when you used to help me when I was choking. 275 00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:37,983 Why don't you ask the girl at the hiking store? 276 00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:41,153 I gave her my number because I was ordering boots. 277 00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:48,786 Don't let it be forgot that on this shining spot 278 00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:51,914 was a place I really ate a lot. 279 00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:56,877 I don't see how you can blame a man of 97 for retiring. 280 00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:59,547 -I thought we were the same age. -So did I. 281 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:02,466 Well, I hope you didn't sell it to some clown. 282 00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:06,428 (Krusty's theme playing) 283 00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:19,900 Here's a check. Welcome to the Krusty Burger family. 284 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:22,862 And since we're family, we don't talk! 285 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,239 Next problem. 286 00:14:25,322 --> 00:14:27,700 Oh! What else are you gonna change? 287 00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:31,245 We're going to keep everything that makes Deuce's Caboose great. 288 00:14:31,328 --> 00:14:33,247 Like the hot dogs and the caboose? 289 00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:34,665 No. God, no. 290 00:14:34,748 --> 00:14:36,750 We're already talking to C-list actors 291 00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:38,586 about playing the owner in commercials. 292 00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:41,005 We're trying to find a cheap Garrett Morris. 293 00:14:41,088 --> 00:14:43,507 -(creaking) -(engine starts) 294 00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:46,093 Hot dogs, come with me if you want to live! 295 00:14:46,176 --> 00:14:49,346 (engine revving) 296 00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,223 Somebody, stop them! 297 00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:54,018 (Krusty's theme song plays in reverse) 298 00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:01,942 That better be a monkey's tail I'm feeling. 299 00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:03,652 Uh, chimps have no tails. 300 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:06,030 Chimps have no tails?! 301 00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:07,573 Dad, what are we doing? 302 00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:10,034 I'm saving a precious childhood memory! 303 00:15:10,117 --> 00:15:12,286 You realize this will be my childhood memory, 304 00:15:12,369 --> 00:15:13,829 and maybe not so precious? 305 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:17,291 -That's a problem for grown-up Lisa. -All right, then. 306 00:15:17,374 --> 00:15:19,376 ("The Flower Duet" playing) 307 00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:27,927 I certainly hope that isn't your father's hot dog caboose. 308 00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:30,387 I have no end game! 309 00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:31,680 Oh, Lord! 310 00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:35,601 He's on the news so much, he has his own theme music now. 311 00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:37,519 ♪ Go, Homer, go ♪ 312 00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,688 ♪ Never know what he's gonna do ♪ 313 00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:40,773 Kent Brockman with you. 314 00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:42,983 You're watching Channel 6 Super Team coverage 315 00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:46,862 of Chili Dog Day Afternoon Wiener on a Roll. 316 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,280 Indeed. 317 00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:51,617 Basically, I'm just watching it like the rest of you. 318 00:15:52,576 --> 00:15:55,162 I guess you'd like some kind of commentary or perspective. 319 00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:57,289 I don't have any, but I'd like you to remember 320 00:15:57,373 --> 00:15:59,750 you're watching Channel 6-- the one that doesn't cut away 321 00:15:59,833 --> 00:16:01,210 when somebody dies. 322 00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,921 (siren wailing) 323 00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:07,132 Chief Wiggum, maybe I can defuse the situation. 324 00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:08,884 De-fuse? Huh. 325 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,594 Well, there's a first time for everything. 326 00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:11,845 Can you hand me your mic? 327 00:16:11,929 --> 00:16:13,639 Every police regulation says no, 328 00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:15,224 but do you know what says yes? 329 00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:16,850 -What? -Your eyes. 330 00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:18,477 Aw. 331 00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:23,315 This is Lisa Simpson, a name you can trust, 332 00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:27,236 and I'm with Homer Simpson, a man who just stole a caboose. 333 00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:29,405 My father is on a quixotic quest 334 00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:32,241 to save a greasy spoon from being licked. 335 00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:35,536 I have to save that caboose full of hot dogs, 336 00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:38,080 which is what my father called me. 337 00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:40,332 (excited chatter) 338 00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:45,295 This aggression shall not stand, sir. 339 00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:46,672 Let us ride! 340 00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:49,842 Say, Colonel, which army were you in? 341 00:16:49,925 --> 00:16:51,844 Never you mind which army I was in 342 00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:53,929 and which courthouse we surrendered at. 343 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,597 I said let's ride! 344 00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,352 I guess that's it-- 345 00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:03,063 the one freeway chase that ends in failure. 346 00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:05,107 No, it has not! 347 00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:07,443 We shall overeat! 348 00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:10,696 (dramatic music playing) 349 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,873 ALL: Aw. 350 00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:22,958 (dramatic music playing) 351 00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:41,393 -ALL: Yay! -D'oh! 352 00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,813 I'm sorry, Dad. It's over. 353 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,649 No, it's not. 354 00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:52,279 (all gasping) 355 00:17:52,362 --> 00:17:54,156 Krusty, run regular. 356 00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:56,617 I forgot how! (grunts) 357 00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:58,535 (Homer grunting) 358 00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:01,580 (screams) 359 00:18:01,663 --> 00:18:03,207 -(creaking) -Oh. 360 00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:06,251 -(gasps) -So that's what it's for. 361 00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:10,798 No! I can't let my Little H-Dog die! 362 00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:13,050 (gasps) You do remember me. 363 00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:16,303 I never forgot you. How could I? 364 00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:18,263 -(creaking) -You were such a sweet, 365 00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:21,558 sad little boy, and I failed you. 366 00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:24,144 -No, you didn't. -Yes, I did. 367 00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:26,647 You needed a father, and all I could give you 368 00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:29,817 was steamed tubes filled with chicken asses. 369 00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:32,402 But I love those chicken asses! 370 00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:35,072 I love... you. 371 00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:37,825 (both crying) 372 00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:41,245 Your chili dogs didn't get me through my childhood. You did! 373 00:18:41,328 --> 00:18:45,207 Suddenly this hot dog-covered locomotive seems like a joke! 374 00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:46,834 Take my hand, son. 375 00:18:46,917 --> 00:18:49,545 It's strong from turning a can opener. 376 00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:51,296 Your chili was store-bought?! 377 00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:53,215 I didn't say I paid for it. 378 00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:04,017 (explosion) 379 00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:07,146 -Mmm! -Ooh! 380 00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:08,981 -Oh! -Oh, yeah. 381 00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:10,524 You're a hero, Dad! 382 00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:12,860 They're calling you Public Elephant Number One! 383 00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:16,238 {\an8}Well, I guess that's better than "Local Man Cut Out of Dressing Room." 384 00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:18,866 {\an8}It sure is, Dad. It sure is. 385 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:22,995 Chief, why are you letting him leave? 386 00:19:23,078 --> 00:19:25,664 He just committed a series of serious crimes. 387 00:19:25,747 --> 00:19:28,709 Forget it, Lou. It's Chili Town. 388 00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:31,253 (Chinatown theme music playing) 389 00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:45,017 Why does the moon need sunglasses? 390 00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:49,479 Ah, same reason cops wear 'em-- to be cool. 391 00:19:53,483 --> 00:19:56,945 Gentlemen, I'm-a so tired of all of the bad blood 392 00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,447 between our companies. 393 00:19:58,530 --> 00:20:01,533 Can't we have a-piece... of pizza? 394 00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:02,743 What are you doing?! 395 00:20:02,826 --> 00:20:04,244 You fools! 396 00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:05,829 I'm a real person in here! 397 00:20:05,913 --> 00:20:07,915 (Chinatown theme music playing) 398 00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,544 -(crowd murmuring) -Shh! 399 00:20:57,339 --> 00:20:59,925 Subtitled by Melissa Roland