1 00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:06,214 CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:08,800 (school bell ringing) 3 00:00:10,301 --> 00:00:11,511 (Barney belches) 4 00:00:11,594 --> 00:00:13,638 (tires screeching) 5 00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:15,765 D'oh! 6 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:16,725 (tires screeching) 7 00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:18,351 (grunts) 8 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:21,771 (trumpets) 9 00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,447 (croaking) 10 00:00:34,325 --> 00:00:37,078 {\an8}George, I'm sorry to see you up here. 11 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:40,123 {\an8}Well, yes, but I died for a worthy cause. 12 00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:43,168 {\an8}As we speak, my body is about to be dissected 13 00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:45,795 {\an8}by a budding young scientist. 14 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,922 {\an8}Let's observe the dedication to learning 15 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:51,718 {\an8}of this ten-year-old scholar by the name of Bart Simpson. 16 00:00:51,801 --> 00:00:54,596 {\an8}♪ Stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, die ♪ 17 00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:56,723 {\an8}♪ Stab, stab, die, die, death, kill ♪ 18 00:00:56,806 --> 00:01:00,894 {\an8}Well, his passion is undeniable. 19 00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:03,063 {\an8}Yes, very... very impressive. 20 00:01:03,146 --> 00:01:06,608 {\an8}By examining my specimen's pyloric sphincter valve, 21 00:01:06,691 --> 00:01:10,612 {\an8}I deduced that she had an affinity for fruit flies. 22 00:01:10,695 --> 00:01:13,615 {\an8}By examining my specimen's natty dreads, 23 00:01:13,698 --> 00:01:18,536 {\an8}I was able to deduce that he was a jammin' Rasta-frogian. 24 00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:20,955 {\an8}My body, my little green body. 25 00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:23,625 {\an8}Okay, but surely his portrayal 26 00:01:23,708 --> 00:01:27,712 {\an8}of Rastafarianism will be culturally sensitive. 27 00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:29,255 {\an8}Pass the Dutchie. 28 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:32,008 {\an8}We be smokin' slabba-slabba wit da Babylon. 29 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:34,385 {\an8}Ribbit, ribbit, mon. 30 00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:36,805 {\an8}(panting loudly) 31 00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:38,306 {\an8}Come now, George. 32 00:01:38,389 --> 00:01:40,433 {\an8}At least this Scottish groundskeeper 33 00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:42,685 {\an8}will give your remains a respectful burial. 34 00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:46,606 {\an8}WILLIE: Into the crapper you go, useless froggy garbage. 35 00:01:46,689 --> 00:01:48,149 {\an8}(toilet flushing) 36 00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:50,777 {\an8}Are you going to put a good spin on that, too? 37 00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:52,278 {\an8}Hmm? Are you?! 38 00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:53,446 {\an8}Well, are you? 39 00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:56,825 {\an8}Well, uh... ribbit? 40 00:01:58,243 --> 00:02:00,745 {\an8}MARGE: I can't put these grades on the refrigerator. 41 00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:03,206 {\an8}I can't even put them on the garage refrigerator. 42 00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:04,874 {\an8}It's not my fault. 43 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,918 {\an8}-I blame "so-key-ity." -What?! 44 00:02:07,001 --> 00:02:08,628 You know, so-key-ity. 45 00:02:08,711 --> 00:02:11,089 That's what everyone blames for everything. 46 00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:12,841 You mean "society"? 47 00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:15,135 -Yeah, that's the guy. -Honey, 48 00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:16,928 I know you're a bright boy, 49 00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:19,139 but if you don't try harder in school, 50 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:21,224 you could end up... 51 00:02:28,064 --> 00:02:30,066 ...not a success. 52 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,068 Oh, that. Don't worry, Mom. 53 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,279 As long as I can stand on a corner 54 00:02:34,362 --> 00:02:35,989 and spin a sign reading "new condos," 55 00:02:36,072 --> 00:02:38,074 I'll be just fine. 56 00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:42,245 (groaning) 57 00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:44,372 (Marge groaning) 58 00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:48,126 (Marge groaning) 59 00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:50,712 All that pacing isn't gonna fix the boy. 60 00:02:50,795 --> 00:02:52,088 Just get him some pills. 61 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:54,424 Two pinks and a blue, and it's off to the races. 62 00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:56,634 Everything we've tried with Bart has failed. 63 00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:58,636 What if there's nothing we can do? 64 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,930 Mm, "nothing we can do" is a whole lot better 65 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,473 than "it'll take all we've got." 66 00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:06,477 I wonder if anyone talks about parenting online. 67 00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:10,732 Look at this one! 68 00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:12,525 HOMER: They're skiing. 69 00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:14,152 Skiing means happy. 70 00:03:14,235 --> 00:03:17,071 Hmm, an expert with a new book to promote. 71 00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:20,658 Oh, I wonder if she'd be willing to speak to a group for a fee. 72 00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,246 Getting your child established 73 00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:27,749 on the path to success isn't easy. 74 00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:30,627 I was driving my daughter from her falconry tournament 75 00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:33,171 to lute class when she turned to me asked... 76 00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:34,714 (speaks Mandarin) 77 00:03:34,797 --> 00:03:37,592 ...which is Mandarin for, "How do you do it?" 78 00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:39,510 She and I are learning Mandarin. 79 00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,721 The answer? (speaks Mandarin) 80 00:03:41,804 --> 00:03:43,514 Positive reinforcement. 81 00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:45,516 (inquisitive chatter) 82 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:48,144 In a recent study, this mouse was denied food 83 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,855 whenever he failed to find his way through a maze. 84 00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:54,025 The mouse ended up dying... of low self-esteem. 85 00:03:54,108 --> 00:03:56,361 (shocked and excited chatter) 86 00:03:56,444 --> 00:03:58,696 I had a nightmare where that happened to Bart, 87 00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:00,698 but I never told you about it. 88 00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:03,201 I love it when you don't tell me things. 89 00:04:03,284 --> 00:04:04,869 This mouse was given food 90 00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:07,121 whether he got through the maze or not. 91 00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:10,541 And this fall, he'll be in a lab at Harvard. 92 00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,961 (excited gasps and chatter) 93 00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:17,131 Low self-esteem can cripple your child's chances of success. 94 00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:18,883 The cure: praise. 95 00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:20,301 (excited chatter) 96 00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:22,470 Praise they can hold in their hands. 97 00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:26,140 Certificates, ribbons and, yes, even trophies. 98 00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:27,141 (crowd gasps) 99 00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:28,726 (gasps) Trophies. 100 00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:31,062 So that's the easy answer. 101 00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:32,897 If Ralphie's shelf says he's a winner, 102 00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:34,565 then he'll be one! 103 00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:37,777 And Moe yells a third thing to feel part of the group! 104 00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:42,490 Yes! Trophies-- that's what Bart needs. 105 00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:44,492 This is how we save him. 106 00:04:44,575 --> 00:04:46,786 (scoffs) Give Bart a trophy? What for? 107 00:04:46,869 --> 00:04:49,080 Most boogers wiped on a bedroom wall? 108 00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:51,124 They're giving trophies for that now? 109 00:04:51,207 --> 00:04:52,834 I weep for this country. 110 00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:54,877 Bart's future is at stake. 111 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,130 Besides, I'm tired of Springfield missing out 112 00:04:57,213 --> 00:05:01,551 on every parenting trend. Like the time-out and the diaper. 113 00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,594 I never got a trophy when I was a kid, 114 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:05,305 and I turned out just... 115 00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:07,390 (gulping) 116 00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:14,314 (slowly) ...fine. 117 00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:17,900 He's my son, and he's getting a trophy for nothing. 118 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:20,403 You hear me? For nothing! 119 00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:23,990 Huh. Huh? 120 00:05:24,073 --> 00:05:24,949 (screams) 121 00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,200 Good morning. 122 00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:28,536 How's my special little winner? 123 00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:31,331 How'd you get that thing in my bed without waking me up? 124 00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:33,791 Because you're a champion sleeper. 125 00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,877 It's the craziest thing. 126 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,212 She will not give up on that kid. 127 00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:40,840 Trophies can boost self-esteem. 128 00:05:40,923 --> 00:05:43,259 If you actually win them, like I did. 129 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,552 But what's the point 130 00:05:44,635 --> 00:05:46,929 of just handing out unearned statues? 131 00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:48,431 And statuettes. 132 00:05:48,514 --> 00:05:50,933 Well, it's just a waste of gullible parents' money. 133 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,686 (echoing) Waste of gullible parents' money. 134 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,938 Gullible parents' money. 135 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,774 Money. Money. 136 00:05:57,857 --> 00:05:59,567 -(bell dings) -Hmm. 137 00:05:59,650 --> 00:06:01,903 Step right up! Every kid's a winner! 138 00:06:01,986 --> 00:06:04,405 The more you spend, the more you love! 139 00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:05,948 Mm-hmm. 140 00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:10,953 I thought you agreed that trophies should be earned. 141 00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:13,289 I'm earning nature's trophy: money. 142 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,290 (wind whistles softly) 143 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:15,458 Remember, folks. 144 00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:18,086 Nothing but a genuine Trophyland trophy says 145 00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:19,837 to your kids that... 146 00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:22,131 HOMER: ♪ You're the best around ♪ 147 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:24,550 ♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪ 148 00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:27,053 ♪ You're the best around ♪ 149 00:06:27,136 --> 00:06:29,597 ♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪ 150 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,474 ♪ You're the best around ♪ 151 00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:33,893 ♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪ 152 00:06:33,976 --> 00:06:35,645 ♪ You're the best around ♪ 153 00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:37,188 ♪ Nothing's gonna ♪ 154 00:06:37,271 --> 00:06:38,606 ♪ Ever keep you down ♪ 155 00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:41,401 ♪ You're the best around ♪ 156 00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,611 ♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪ 157 00:06:43,694 --> 00:06:46,155 ♪ You're the best ♪ 158 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:49,534 (chuckles) These stupid, loving parents will buy trophies 159 00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:51,661 for any accomplishment. 160 00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:54,288 Not wetting the bed, using your inside voice, 161 00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:56,916 even "go watch TV in the other room." 162 00:06:56,999 --> 00:07:00,086 I still think these things are good for their self-esteem. 163 00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:01,754 Not to mention the self-esteem 164 00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:04,173 that comes from wad riffling. 165 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,174 (wind whistles softly) 166 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,635 Look, I even put the boy to work. 167 00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:10,430 Well, then he should get a trophy for that. 168 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:11,764 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 169 00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:14,267 We have a saying in the participation trophy business. 170 00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:16,394 "Don't get high-- self-esteem-- 171 00:07:16,477 --> 00:07:18,604 on your own supply-- of self-esteem." 172 00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:21,023 I don't care. I'm giving him this. 173 00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:22,817 What? Why did it break? 174 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,527 The parts are of the highest quality. 175 00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:27,447 They come from the China of China: India. 176 00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:32,535 Boy, did you glue this trophy together with bubblegum? 177 00:07:32,618 --> 00:07:35,204 Eh, sticky is sticky. I'm taking my break. 178 00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:44,046 HOMER: See? Giving him trophies did nothing. 179 00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:45,673 You've showered him with praise, 180 00:07:45,756 --> 00:07:47,550 and he's just as lazy as ever. 181 00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:49,719 Shh! What if he heard you say that? 182 00:07:49,802 --> 00:07:52,263 Hey, if Bart is as bad at eavesdropping 183 00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:54,015 as he is at everything else, 184 00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:56,100 we've got nothing to worry about. 185 00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:58,227 I say we keep talking loudly. 186 00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,271 But what about his confidence? 187 00:08:00,354 --> 00:08:02,690 Face it. Our son is a screw-up. 188 00:08:02,773 --> 00:08:05,776 He was born a screw-up, and no matter how hard he tries-- 189 00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:07,361 which he never will-- 190 00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:09,780 Bart will always be a screw-up. 191 00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:11,157 (groans) 192 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,951 And have you ever heard that sound he makes when he's sad? 193 00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:15,495 Pathetic. 194 00:08:20,791 --> 00:08:21,876 (sighs) 195 00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:26,756 Queen's bishop Lomotil takes king's Ativan. 196 00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:29,050 Oh, looks like I'll be having a panic attack 197 00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:30,426 on the toilet tonight. 198 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:33,095 (scoffs) Look at that whimpering little crybaby. 199 00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:34,805 (mocking) Wah! Wah! 200 00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:37,391 Abe, that's your grandson. 201 00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:38,809 Come visit me! 202 00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,478 I'm so lonely! 203 00:08:40,561 --> 00:08:44,023 (crying) Wah! Wah! 204 00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:45,983 What's got you down, kiddo? 205 00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:48,444 My dad says I'm terrible at everything. 206 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:51,405 Oh, he's just repeating what he heard as a boy from me. 207 00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:54,867 Oh, I was an awful father, just like my old man. 208 00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:56,619 Your dad didn't believe in you, either? 209 00:08:56,702 --> 00:08:58,079 It wasn't his fault. 210 00:08:58,162 --> 00:09:00,623 He was just focused on his career 211 00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:03,084 as a professional child-beater. 212 00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:05,044 Men would come from five towns over 213 00:09:05,127 --> 00:09:06,963 to study my father's technique. 214 00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:09,715 But no matter how many strangles he patented, 215 00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:12,134 his father never approved. 216 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:13,427 (choking loudly) 217 00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:16,430 Even if only a little bit of that really happened, 218 00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:18,641 I'll never escape being a loser. 219 00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:20,268 That's loser talk! 220 00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:23,145 You're a great kid, and I'm gonna prove it to you. 221 00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:26,315 Boy, this here's a real trophy. 222 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,609 Our family's most prized possession: 223 00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:31,279 a Baumont Chrono-master Elite. 224 00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:32,780 It's been a Simpson heirloom 225 00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:35,992 ever since it was stolen off a dead body at Gettysburg. 226 00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:37,743 In 1982. 227 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,495 Whoa! 228 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,081 Wait. Is this just another gold shiny thing 229 00:09:42,164 --> 00:09:44,250 to trick me into feeling special when I'm not? 230 00:09:44,333 --> 00:09:45,543 You are special! 231 00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:47,336 You're like my prostate-- 232 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:50,715 a spiky little troublemaker who plays by his own rules. 233 00:09:50,798 --> 00:09:52,675 You don't take hooey from Louie. 234 00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:54,677 Never have, never will. 235 00:09:57,179 --> 00:09:58,264 (shudders) 236 00:09:58,347 --> 00:09:59,890 I feel something. 237 00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:02,101 It's like a sunburn on the inside. 238 00:10:02,184 --> 00:10:03,394 It's called "pride." 239 00:10:03,477 --> 00:10:04,937 Every tick will remind you 240 00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:07,148 you've got a grandpa who believes in you. 241 00:10:07,231 --> 00:10:08,774 The same way I believe 242 00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:11,944 the retirement home has been taken over by robots. 243 00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:13,738 (Eastern European accent) I am not a robot. 244 00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:15,573 I just have light-up sneakers. 245 00:10:15,656 --> 00:10:17,074 ♪ ♪ 246 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,081 (Ralph humming) 247 00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:30,838 Why is my trophy the smallest? 248 00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:33,174 You all lost-- to me! 249 00:10:33,257 --> 00:10:34,925 (confused murmurs) 250 00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:38,679 Lisa, are you suggesting we engage in excellence bias? 251 00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:41,766 (crying) She's loser-shaming me. 252 00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:42,808 (growls) 253 00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:45,728 (students gasp) 254 00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:49,482 Why do you always have to make trouble, ya wee harpy? 255 00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:51,233 How am I supposed to stay silent 256 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:54,987 when parents are just blindly chasing the latest trend? 257 00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:56,280 Ugh, parents. 258 00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:58,366 Those lazy lunch-packers. 259 00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:00,493 They just want to be told what to do. 260 00:11:00,576 --> 00:11:04,080 And there's no shortage of experts who want to tell 'em. 261 00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:06,165 WILLIE: (echoing) No shortage of experts. 262 00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:08,209 Experts. Experts. Experts. 263 00:11:08,292 --> 00:11:09,335 (bell dings) 264 00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:11,921 LISA: (thinking) Another parenting expert, eh? 265 00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:16,676 Clearly, this is a community in the grip 266 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,094 of an addiction to trophies. 267 00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:19,261 Now, parents, 268 00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:22,515 I warn you, too much praise creates millennials-- 269 00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:25,726 a generation of soft, entitled narcissists, 270 00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:29,271 who drop out of college to become deejays. 271 00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:32,942 That only pays well at the very highest levels. 272 00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:35,319 Instead of showering your kids with gifts, 273 00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:38,531 you should prod them to greatness with G.R.I.T. 274 00:11:38,614 --> 00:11:40,282 Get up. Retry. 275 00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,118 I don't care if you're... 276 00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:43,619 Tired. 277 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,663 He's got a word made of other words. 278 00:11:45,746 --> 00:11:47,998 (chuckles) He must know what he's talking about. 279 00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,583 Oh, it is an end to praise. 280 00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:51,001 Praise Vishnu. 281 00:11:51,085 --> 00:11:53,045 (crowd exclaims, murmurs) 282 00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,131 Remember, G.R.I.T. also stands for: 283 00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:58,467 Get Rid of Idiotic Trophies. 284 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:01,137 Another word word! He did it again! 285 00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:05,266 Why does the word "of" sometimes count in the acronym 286 00:12:05,349 --> 00:12:07,268 and sometimes not? 287 00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:11,313 Shut up, Mel! Your kids live in Nebraska with your mom. 288 00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:14,942 CROWD: (chanting) No more trophies! No more trophies! 289 00:12:15,025 --> 00:12:16,318 Uh-oh. 290 00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:17,611 You are scum, sir! 291 00:12:17,695 --> 00:12:19,864 -(crowd booing) -Burn in hell! 292 00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:21,949 Kill him with G.R.I.T.! 293 00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,620 Hi, Homer. How's the trophy business? 294 00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:29,457 Nobody wants them anymore, thanks to G.R.I.T. 295 00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:33,085 Stupid parenting method I can't exploit for money. 296 00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:34,670 Actually kinda makes sense. 297 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,380 Hate it so much. 298 00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:38,007 (Homer gasps) 299 00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:39,341 I know that. 300 00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,051 That's my dad's old pocket watch. 301 00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:42,636 How did you get it? 302 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,847 Oh, Grampa said I earned it. 303 00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:46,974 I guess someone in this family's proud of me. 304 00:12:47,057 --> 00:12:49,143 Oh, you didn't want it, did you? 305 00:12:49,226 --> 00:12:50,728 (scoffs) Yeah, right. 306 00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:52,646 That watch means nothing to me. 307 00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:55,608 Really? Then how do you explain that case you made? 308 00:12:55,691 --> 00:12:59,069 I built it to always remind me of what not to want. 309 00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:01,071 What about your self-published novel? 310 00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:03,115 Well, the character of John Homer 311 00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:05,242 is only partly based on me. 312 00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:08,078 Well, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were obsessed 313 00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:10,247 with getting Grampa's watch. 314 00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:14,168 Ooh, thanks for the analysis, Dr. Freud. 315 00:13:14,251 --> 00:13:16,921 Next you'll be telling me that this whole trophy business, 316 00:13:17,004 --> 00:13:19,924 and in fact, all my get-rich-quick schemes over the years, 317 00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:22,343 are borne of a desperate need for approval 318 00:13:22,426 --> 00:13:25,304 from a father who couldn't show love. 319 00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:27,431 Likely because of his traumatic relationship 320 00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:31,268 with his own father, and his before him, and so on. 321 00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:34,396 But, unfortunately, Dr. Freud, 322 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:38,818 that couldn't be further from the truth, Doctor. 323 00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:40,236 If you say so. 324 00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:42,696 Now I'm gonna take this out and see what life is like 325 00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:46,075 with real love and encouragement ticking in my pocket. 326 00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:48,619 Stupid watch. 327 00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:50,079 Doesn't even have a fob. 328 00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:51,872 Bart, where's the fob? 329 00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:55,209 Bart, you look like a fool! 330 00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:58,295 (groaning slowly) 331 00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:02,967 ♪ You're the best around ♪ 332 00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:05,511 ♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪ 333 00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:07,763 ♪ You're the best around ♪ 334 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,391 ♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪ 335 00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:13,435 ♪ You're the best around ♪ 336 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:17,565 ♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪ 337 00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:19,483 ♪ Down ♪ 338 00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:23,445 ♪ Fight till the end 'cause your life will depend ♪ 339 00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:26,156 ♪ On the strength that you have inside you ♪ 340 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:29,159 ♪ Ah, got to be proud, staring... ♪ 341 00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:31,328 No! 342 00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:36,625 HOMER: ♪ You're the worst around ♪ 343 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:39,336 ♪ Everything's gonna bring you down ♪ 344 00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:46,093 Okay, Milhouse, I'll drop a rock, you watch it come down. 345 00:14:46,176 --> 00:14:49,013 That should be where Grampa's watch landed. 346 00:14:49,096 --> 00:14:50,681 -(thud) -MILHOUSE: Ow! 347 00:14:50,764 --> 00:14:52,308 Did you see where the rock landed? 348 00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:53,767 In my eye! 349 00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:56,770 Oh. That watch was the only thing that made me not terrible. 350 00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:58,439 I can't lose it. 351 00:14:58,522 --> 00:15:01,567 I'll drop another rock a few feet to the left. 352 00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:06,363 My other eye! 353 00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:07,573 Ow! 354 00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:10,993 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 355 00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:13,495 Not a single one has missed me! 356 00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:17,875 What are you doing? 357 00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:21,712 That expert at the school said trophies are bad for kids. 358 00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:24,256 It's all part of G.R.I.T. 359 00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:25,966 No, no. 360 00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:28,010 My trophies were earned. 361 00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:29,595 Even the soccer one? 362 00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:32,681 I went to most of the practices. 363 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:35,225 Yeah, but what happens when another parenting expert 364 00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:38,354 comes along with a whole new theory on self-esteem? 365 00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:39,772 Another expert? 366 00:15:39,855 --> 00:15:41,523 Who are they? What are they saying? 367 00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:47,071 Aw. 368 00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:54,954 Okay, the watch is gone. 369 00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:57,665 I guess I can live with being a useless, worthless nothing 370 00:15:57,748 --> 00:15:59,291 as long as no one finds out. 371 00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:02,878 Sweetie, your grampa's on the phone. 372 00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:03,879 Hello. 373 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,297 Great news, kiddo. 374 00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:07,591 Remember That magazine is putting out 375 00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:10,135 their annual family heirlooms issue. 376 00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:11,720 They want us for the cover. 377 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,973 You, me and the pocket watch. 378 00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:14,932 Um... 379 00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:16,225 It's a great story. 380 00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:19,395 Passing a beloved heirloom from grandfather to grandson. 381 00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:22,731 A gift that restored a child's faith in himself. 382 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:25,651 Uh, Grampa, there's something I have to tell you. 383 00:16:25,734 --> 00:16:26,777 Hold on one second. 384 00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,404 I'm just finishing up 385 00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:30,656 a mandatory pre-article heart exam. 386 00:16:30,739 --> 00:16:32,533 Doc says as long as I don't suffer 387 00:16:32,616 --> 00:16:35,703 any major disappointments, I'll be fine. 388 00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:37,496 Now, what did you want to tell me? 389 00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:39,748 Uh, helmets ruined football. 390 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:41,959 Exactly! If you want to protect your head, 391 00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:43,335 grow your hair long. 392 00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:45,879 Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. 393 00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:49,425 And you won't be late because you've got that watch. 394 00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:50,843 (groans) 395 00:16:50,926 --> 00:16:52,803 Stupid parenting experts. 396 00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:55,973 Why don't they write a book called Stop Buying These Books? 397 00:16:56,056 --> 00:16:57,599 Everybody'd buy that. 398 00:16:57,683 --> 00:17:00,561 Even if I was listening to what you said, it doesn't matter. 399 00:17:00,644 --> 00:17:01,854 Nothing matters. 400 00:17:01,937 --> 00:17:03,522 My trophy business has failed 401 00:17:03,605 --> 00:17:05,566 and Bart has the thing I wanted most: 402 00:17:05,649 --> 00:17:07,192 Grampa's watch. 403 00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:08,193 What watch? 404 00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:10,612 The one you get for being a success. 405 00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:12,156 Well, then I should have it. 406 00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:14,241 Uh, that never really came up. 407 00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:17,578 All that's left to do now is bring these to the needy. 408 00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:21,790 Best I can do is charge you ten dollars 409 00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,417 to throw them in my Dumpster. 410 00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:26,253 How about I give you a trophy that says "Best Pawn Shop"? 411 00:17:26,336 --> 00:17:28,005 Not unless I earned it. 412 00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:30,424 (gasps) 413 00:17:30,507 --> 00:17:31,717 Dad's watch! 414 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,010 Hey, dirtbag shopkeep, 415 00:17:33,093 --> 00:17:34,595 how did this come to you? 416 00:17:34,678 --> 00:17:36,096 Mm. Some kid brought it in. 417 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:37,890 Said he was mad at his friend 418 00:17:37,973 --> 00:17:41,685 for dropping so many rocks in his eye. 419 00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:43,771 That dude's seen a lot of living. 420 00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:47,316 Yours for 20 bucks. 421 00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:48,776 That's an insult. 422 00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:51,153 You're talking about a self-worth-boosting antique 423 00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:53,655 that's been in my family for generations. 424 00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:54,990 Twenty-two? 425 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,159 You'll take it all, and you'll like it. 426 00:18:01,663 --> 00:18:03,832 (maniacal laugh) 427 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,542 Yes. I have it. 428 00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:07,169 Some said it would never happen. 429 00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:09,171 Most were unaware of the situation. 430 00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:12,216 But I finally have my father's watch! 431 00:18:12,299 --> 00:18:14,301 (maniacal laugh) 432 00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:20,265 (singsongy) Oh, Bart, look what Daddy's got now. 433 00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:22,601 (Bart crying) 434 00:18:24,019 --> 00:18:27,564 {\an8}Grampa was the only person who believed in me. 435 00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:30,150 {\an8}But when he finds out I lost the watch, 436 00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:31,443 {\an8}even he'll give up. 437 00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:32,611 {\an8}(sobbing) 438 00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:33,737 Stay strong, Homer. 439 00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,489 Don't go soft on him now. 440 00:18:35,572 --> 00:18:38,117 This is a once-in-a-lifetime face-rubbing-in. 441 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,868 Mm. Come on, foot. 442 00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:41,036 Kick, damn you! 443 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,121 (grunts) 444 00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:47,960 {\an8}(sighs) Son, I found something that belongs to you. 445 00:18:48,043 --> 00:18:49,878 (gasps) Grampa's watch! 446 00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:51,880 No. I can't take it. 447 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,966 I didn't earn it, so I don't deserve it. 448 00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:55,342 You were right. 449 00:18:55,425 --> 00:18:56,885 I am a screw-up. 450 00:18:56,969 --> 00:19:00,556 But, boy, who screwed you up? 451 00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:02,432 (gasps) You. 452 00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:04,143 It was you. 453 00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:06,937 And those who came before. 454 00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:11,066 (choking loudly) 455 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,071 It's stuck in your hand fat. 456 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:20,284 Oh. You got to wedge something in there to break the vacuum. 457 00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:22,035 (grunting) 458 00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:26,498 Okay. 459 00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:28,625 Smile, my little watch watcher. 460 00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:32,671 (camera clicking) 461 00:19:37,092 --> 00:19:39,428 That was a nice thing you did. 462 00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:41,930 Which parenting guide told you to do it? 463 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,974 Well, baby, sometimes you just 464 00:19:44,057 --> 00:19:46,226 got to trust your gut. 465 00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:52,649 (watch shatters) 466 00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:54,443 (choking) 467 00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:14,588 It's NBA draft day, and the world waits to see 468 00:20:14,671 --> 00:20:16,006 who will be the first pick. 469 00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:18,508 The consensus choice is Cody Harris from LSU, 470 00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:20,552 but there's an exciting dark horse this year. 471 00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:23,305 It's a player from Springfield by the name of Ralph Wiggum. 472 00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:24,473 Uh-oh. 473 00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:25,557 There's no tape 474 00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,059 on this three-foot-six second-grader, 475 00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:29,061 but he does lead the nation in trophies. 476 00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:30,938 You can't argue with trophies. 477 00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:32,731 Boom! Kid's a winner. 478 00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:34,733 (groans) 479 00:20:34,816 --> 00:20:37,945 From the Springfield Elementary Afterschool Happy Hamsters, 480 00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:41,990 the Philadelphia 76ers select Ralph Wiggum, power forward. 481 00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:45,827 I'm a millionaire! 482 00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:46,995 (camera clicks) 483 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,538 {\an8}♪ ♪ 484 00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:50,832 {\an8}HOMER: ♪ Try to be best 'cause you're only a man ♪ 485 00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:53,502 {\an8}♪ And a man's got to learn to take it ♪ 486 00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:56,004 {\an8}♪ Try to believe, though the going gets rough ♪ 487 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:58,757 {\an8}♪ That you got to hang tough to make it ♪ 488 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,301 {\an8}♪ History repeats itself ♪ 489 00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:03,804 {\an8}♪ Try and you'll succeed ♪ 490 00:21:03,887 --> 00:21:06,181 {\an8}♪ Never doubt that you're the one ♪ 491 00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,684 {\an8}♪ And you can have your dream ♪ 492 00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:11,561 {\an8}♪ You're the best around ♪ 493 00:21:11,645 --> 00:21:13,855 {\an8}♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪ 494 00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:16,692 {\an8}♪ You're the best around ♪ 495 00:21:16,775 --> 00:21:19,027 {\an8}♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪ 496 00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:21,905 {\an8}♪ You're the best around ♪ 497 00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:25,867 {\an8}♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪ 498 00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:30,789 {\an8}♪ You're the best ♪ 499 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:35,002 {\an8}Subtitled by Jimmy Boots