1 00:00:02,419 --> 00:00:06,381 ♪ The Serfsons. ♪ 2 00:00:06,464 --> 00:00:08,800 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:36,619 Aw, water soup again? 4 00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:39,205 -(squawks) -Now it's crow soup. 5 00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:41,416 Ooh, I call an eye! 6 00:00:41,499 --> 00:00:43,209 -Me, two! -Me, three! 7 00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:45,378 And Maggie gets the beak. 8 00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,464 (squeals happily) 9 00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:51,885 (neighs) (all gasp) 10 00:00:51,968 --> 00:00:54,929 Your hovel got in the way of my horse. 11 00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:57,057 Kiss his hooves in apology. 12 00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:58,725 Mm! Mm! Mm! 13 00:00:58,808 --> 00:01:00,894 (chuckles): Oh, please, forgive us, noble steed. 14 00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:04,731 Mm! Mm! Our nostrils are not worthy of your mighty stench. 15 00:01:04,814 --> 00:01:07,067 Mm! Mm! Are those new horseshoes? 16 00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:09,069 Oh, they look good on you! 17 00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:10,111 Mm! Mm! Mm! 18 00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:11,404 (neighs) 19 00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:13,323 (disgusted whinny) 20 00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:16,743 Lousy nobles! 21 00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:18,745 We serfs are starving, while they're feasting 22 00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:20,747 and jousting and posing for tapestries 23 00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:22,582 where they're friends with a unicorn. 24 00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:24,417 As if any unicorn would like them. 25 00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:26,586 Unicorns like nice people-- I'm a nice person. 26 00:01:26,669 --> 00:01:29,422 Young lady, that kind of talk is anti-feudalist, 27 00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:31,091 and I won't have it! 28 00:01:31,174 --> 00:01:33,718 Without feudalism, we wouldn't have this hovel, 29 00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:36,846 our bountiful filth, or my awesome buboes. 30 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,557 Ooh-hoo. I'll lance you later. 31 00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:41,101 (panting heavily) 32 00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:42,685 (inhaling deeply) 33 00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:45,063 Bart! They just stuck new severed heads up 34 00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:46,731 on the city walls! 35 00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:48,608 Oh! Can we go, Ma? Can we? Can we? 36 00:01:48,691 --> 00:01:50,735 That's a lovely idea. 37 00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:52,779 Oh. And we can bring my mom. 38 00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:55,949 I hope she's doing okay in her new nursing home. 39 00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:58,785 (snoring, wheezing) 40 00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:00,870 Which one is your mom's web? 41 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,789 GRAMPA: Son, is that you? 42 00:02:02,872 --> 00:02:04,124 No. 43 00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:07,085 MRS. BOUVIER: Ah, you ruined my nap! 44 00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:08,795 Just like you ruined my daughter's life. 45 00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:10,463 That's her. 46 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:16,136 They didn't skimp on the tar. 47 00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:18,972 That's the secret to long-lasting heads. 48 00:02:19,055 --> 00:02:21,474 Ooh, there's Ned Flanders! 49 00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:23,977 It's always nice when you know someone. 50 00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:27,730 Those are the kind of sideburns I was saying you should grow. 51 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,065 Hmm... 52 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,733 Pretty sharp. 53 00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:33,319 Pretty, pretty sharp. 54 00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:34,946 See how the heads of rich people 55 00:02:35,029 --> 00:02:36,906 get the tallest pikes with the best view? 56 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,158 It's so unfair. 57 00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:40,160 I told you to lay off feudalism. 58 00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:41,995 It's the only system we know. 59 00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:44,998 We have no choice about it, and therefore it's the best. 60 00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:47,667 The system is designed to keep us down. 61 00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:49,002 That's not true. 62 00:02:49,085 --> 00:02:50,753 In a great country like ours, 63 00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:54,174 a poor girl can grow up to be anything she wants-- 64 00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:57,302 a wife or a harlot and... that's it. 65 00:02:57,385 --> 00:03:01,055 I wanted to be a harlot, but it's all who you know. 66 00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:02,682 It's never too late. 67 00:03:02,765 --> 00:03:05,101 Everyone is somebody's weird fetish. 68 00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,646 Mom. What's wrong with your skin? 69 00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:10,648 It's blue, and ice-cold. 70 00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:13,193 This could be a serious disease. 71 00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:15,695 Homer, she needs medical attention. 72 00:03:15,778 --> 00:03:18,698 Pretty, pretty sharp. 73 00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:21,201 (bells tolling) 74 00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:23,369 It's never easy to say this. 75 00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,538 You've got... Genital Snerfs. 76 00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:27,540 SNERFS: ♪ La, la, la-la, la-la ♪ 77 00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:29,209 ♪ We love our new home. ♪ 78 00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:32,420 Doc, is there any way to control occasional flare-ups? 79 00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:33,546 Nope. 80 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,049 -Yeah! -Yay! -Yippee! 81 00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:37,383 (groans) 82 00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:39,135 Now, what have we here? 83 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,679 Progressive frozen-mortification! 84 00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:44,599 This can only be the bite 85 00:03:44,682 --> 00:03:46,059 of an Ice Walker! 86 00:03:46,142 --> 00:03:47,518 An Ice Walker? 87 00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:49,520 Mom, how did this happen? 88 00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:51,356 Oh, I dated a ravenous wight 89 00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:53,566 who abhors the warmth of the living. 90 00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,652 -And? -He got fresh. 91 00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,987 I'm sorry, baby. I know I screwed up. 92 00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,989 But you got to give me another chance. 93 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,574 I love you. 94 00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:04,577 She's 900 years younger than you, you pervert. 95 00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:07,372 I like 'em young, that ain't no crime. 96 00:04:07,455 --> 00:04:09,207 (giggling) 97 00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:11,501 Is my mom gonna be okay? 98 00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:13,586 Mm, I'm sorry, but a week from now, 99 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,755 your mother will be frozen solid. 100 00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:18,007 No! No, that can't be. 101 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,426 She's barely into her hag years. 102 00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:23,596 All you can do is give her leeches for the pain. 103 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,890 Here's an organizer. 104 00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:29,352 So... so there's nothing we can do to save her? 105 00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:31,813 Mm... well, there's one treatment. 106 00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:34,649 MARGE: All we have to do is buy this amulet. 107 00:04:34,732 --> 00:04:36,526 My mom is saved! 108 00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:38,027 Yeah... 109 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,862 but a hundred GP? 110 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:42,365 I mean, that's more than a tenth-level fighter makes 111 00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:44,409 in an entire campaign. 112 00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:46,953 Don't worry, we'll figure it out. 113 00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:50,206 Hey, sweet young thang. 114 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,625 What time they cuttin' you down? 115 00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:55,044 Ooh, baby! 116 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,629 (humming a tune) 117 00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:59,048 (grunts, continues humming) 118 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:02,176 Okay, we just need to come up with a hundred gold pieces. 119 00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:04,345 How much do we have in our savings? 120 00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:06,389 Hmm... let me think. 121 00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:09,392 There's that thing... (mumbling unintelligibly) 122 00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:11,227 (smacking lips, mumbling) 123 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:12,895 What are savings? 124 00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:14,731 Well, then we can sell our possessions. 125 00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:16,357 -The pig. The spoon. -(oinks) 126 00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:17,567 The gelatinous cube 127 00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:19,152 has to be worth something. 128 00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:20,570 DISCO STU VOICE: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 129 00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:22,572 Is this because of what happened to the cat? 130 00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:26,367 I told him not to nap on me. So... that's on him. 131 00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:29,162 Look, honey, I love your mom. 132 00:05:29,245 --> 00:05:31,873 As crones go, she's tops. 133 00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:33,916 But does it make sense-- 134 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,754 I mean total sense-- to spend all that money 135 00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:41,924 so a really old lady can get a little bit older? 136 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,593 This is my mom's life! 137 00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:46,763 This family will do whatever it takes to keep her alive! 138 00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:48,431 Is that understood? 139 00:05:48,514 --> 00:05:49,682 Of course. Of course. 140 00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:50,892 -Good. -Good. 141 00:05:50,975 --> 00:05:52,268 Good. 142 00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:55,104 All I'm saying is... 143 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,189 (grunting) 144 00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:58,232 -(oinks) -Homer Serfson, 145 00:05:58,316 --> 00:06:01,611 you are the most selfish jerk in the entire Tri-Kingdom Area! 146 00:06:01,694 --> 00:06:03,780 I should have listened to that witch 147 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:06,074 and married my twin brother, Markery. 148 00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:08,951 Always here if you need me, sis. 149 00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:11,037 Get lost, freak! She chose me! 150 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:13,289 You get that money to save my mom, 151 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:16,459 or never set foot in this hovel again! 152 00:06:16,542 --> 00:06:19,837 Good things come to those who wait. 153 00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:21,339 Oh... 154 00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:28,096 Is Marge still sore at you, Homer? 155 00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:30,723 Yeah. It's not like I want to kill her mother. 156 00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:33,059 I just want to let her die from neglect. 157 00:06:33,142 --> 00:06:35,603 (groans) If I don't get the money for that amulet, 158 00:06:35,686 --> 00:06:38,022 I'll be sleeping on the iron couch. 159 00:06:40,858 --> 00:06:43,444 Now, let's see here. "An urgent message 160 00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:45,947 for Milady Gwendolyn Partz." 161 00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:47,824 Uh, Milady Partz? 162 00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:50,326 Hey, has anyone seen Milady Partz? 163 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,620 Ah, come on, somebody grab Milady Partz! 164 00:06:52,703 --> 00:06:54,997 That depends-- how big is your dowry? 165 00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:56,666 (all laughing) 166 00:06:58,167 --> 00:07:00,753 You little craven, if I ever get my hands on you, 167 00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:03,798 I'm gonna slice you open and drain all of your humors: 168 00:07:03,881 --> 00:07:06,467 blood, black bile, yellow bile... 169 00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:07,969 "...and phlegm." 170 00:07:08,052 --> 00:07:09,762 (both laughing) 171 00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:14,684 (strained grunt) 172 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,186 (yelps) 173 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:18,855 Aah! 174 00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:20,940 Okay, break's over. 175 00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:24,068 (yelling, grunting) 176 00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:27,655 Uh, Lord Montgomery? 177 00:07:27,738 --> 00:07:30,658 I've had some unforeseen family medical expenses, 178 00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:34,495 and I was wondering, could I get an advance on my salary? 179 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:37,165 Uh, but first, can I have a salary? 180 00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:39,292 (chuckles) Peasants. 181 00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:42,211 Serfson, you've pushed that wheel around and around 182 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,922 for 20 years-- did you ever wonder why? 183 00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:47,258 Mostly I just push it. 184 00:07:47,341 --> 00:07:48,718 Have you ever noticed that the wheel 185 00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,261 isn't hooked up to anything? 186 00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:53,222 (gasps) The rumors were true! 187 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,850 But your work does produce something very special-- 188 00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:57,393 human misery-- 189 00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,562 which, when collected, ground into a powder 190 00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:03,941 and snorted, gives rich people tiny wings that do nothing. 191 00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:06,694 So if you help me, it reduces my suffering, 192 00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:09,614 which means less wing powder for my betters. 193 00:08:09,697 --> 00:08:11,157 I'm glad we had this talk. 194 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,034 -But I really need the money... -Flit-flit. 195 00:08:13,117 --> 00:08:15,495 Thank you for your time. 196 00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:17,830 Mm... 197 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,123 (knocking) 198 00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:22,960 (groans) Hi, Azzlan. 199 00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,587 Marge, my child. 200 00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:28,549 I've come to offer solace in this difficult time. 201 00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:30,384 You mean convert me to your religion 202 00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:32,386 when I'm at my most vulnerable? 203 00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:34,639 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 204 00:08:34,722 --> 00:08:37,725 I'm just here to ask you an important question. 205 00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:39,769 Have you heard the news? 206 00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:42,146 Yes, yes. I will be saved. 207 00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:44,482 Thanks so much for stopping by. 208 00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:47,318 I'm just going to leave you with this literature, praise God... 209 00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:49,153 I can't go home and face your mom 210 00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:51,405 without the money for that amulet. 211 00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:52,907 In here. 212 00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:55,910 Do you have your lucky lead nugget? 213 00:08:55,993 --> 00:08:57,453 Always. 214 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,080 A lead-lick a day 215 00:08:59,163 --> 00:09:01,832 keeps the doctor a-blah... 216 00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,920 ♪ ♪ 217 00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:07,171 (wind whistling) 218 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,303 (gasps) Gold. Sweet, sweet gold! 219 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,764 Why didn't you ever tell us you could do magic? 220 00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:19,433 Because if the king finds out, he'll take me away 221 00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:21,852 and force me to be one of his evil wizards! 222 00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:23,688 You necromancing nitwits! 223 00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:26,607 I wanted an all-seeing eye, not this! 224 00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:28,109 (sniffing) 225 00:09:28,192 --> 00:09:30,945 No daughter of mine is gonna end up in the hex trade. 226 00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:33,114 -(nose sneezes) -Now, let's go buy that amulet. 227 00:09:33,197 --> 00:09:35,533 And don't worry, mum's the word. 228 00:09:35,616 --> 00:09:37,827 Did you say "The Word?" 229 00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:39,161 Hmm? Ah? Hmm? 230 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:40,454 (Lisa and Homer groan) 231 00:09:40,538 --> 00:09:42,665 -Hi, Azzlan. -Hi, Azzlan. 232 00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:44,041 (grunts) 233 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,209 12-nothing. 234 00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:47,295 My serve. 235 00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:50,298 You know, eventually, you're gonna run out of us. 236 00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:52,300 I said, my serve. 237 00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:55,386 Mom, I've got a surprise for you. 238 00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:57,179 Thanks to who? 239 00:09:57,263 --> 00:10:00,308 I said it when I was 11, and I'll say it now. 240 00:10:00,391 --> 00:10:02,852 You're the greatest husband in the world. 241 00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:05,730 -Mm... -(gasps) 242 00:10:05,813 --> 00:10:07,398 Where'd a dirt-poor loser like you 243 00:10:07,481 --> 00:10:09,525 get all the gold for that? 244 00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:10,818 (chuckles): Oh, well... 245 00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:12,737 let's just say... 246 00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:14,989 I strangled a leprechaun. 247 00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:17,658 I'm not wearing that. 248 00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:19,660 But without it, you'll die. 249 00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:22,163 -Fine by me. -What?! 250 00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:24,332 I want to die. 251 00:10:24,415 --> 00:10:25,666 (groans): Oh, typical! 252 00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,335 "I want to live, I want to die." 253 00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:30,004 Just make up your mind-- they're both terrible. 254 00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:33,424 Oh, I've lived a full life. 255 00:10:33,507 --> 00:10:35,676 I saw a drawing of an ocean, 256 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,929 I watched my daughter marry an ogre. 257 00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:41,515 I am not an ogre. 258 00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:43,267 My father married an ogre 259 00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:46,979 after my mother was eaten by a different ogre. 260 00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:49,857 You're my mom. 261 00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,777 I can't bear the thought of saying good-bye. 262 00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:58,366 (sighs) 263 00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:00,785 You want me to live, I'll live. 264 00:11:02,536 --> 00:11:04,538 (ringing) 265 00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:08,584 Let's celebrate! 266 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,378 I'll roast a hobbit for dinner. 267 00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:11,796 Mmm... 268 00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:13,422 Bet you a packet 269 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,800 of South Farthing pipe weed she picks me, Gaffer. 270 00:11:15,883 --> 00:11:17,551 Hush now, lad. 271 00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:20,221 The big folk will choose who's tastiest and no mistake. 272 00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:21,931 Ow! Ooh! 273 00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:24,892 Hey! How do you know you got them from me? 274 00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:26,310 SNERFS: We miss you! 275 00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:27,645 We miss you, too! 276 00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:28,813 Love you! 277 00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:29,980 Love you more! 278 00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:31,816 (Snerfs giggling) 279 00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:34,777 Ow, ow, ow! 280 00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:37,947 Hmm. Is it really so bad for Grandma if she dies? 281 00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:40,199 Won't she spend eternity in the Fields of Bliss? 282 00:11:40,282 --> 00:11:41,992 -(grunts) -SNAKE: Ow! 283 00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:45,079 -Yeah. We're all going to the Fields of Bliss, -Ow! 284 00:11:45,162 --> 00:11:47,998 where the days are passed in frolic most joyous. 285 00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:50,418 BART: Just frolicking? That's it? 286 00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:53,087 HOMER: Sometimes, you wave ribbons through the air. 287 00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:54,755 But mainly, frolicking. 288 00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:56,006 Doesn't that get old? 289 00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:57,633 Did I mention the ribbons? 290 00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:58,968 'Cause there's ribbons. 291 00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:00,803 Fields of Bliss? Nonsense. 292 00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:03,097 The afterlife is an eternity of slaughtering 293 00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:05,307 and being slaughtered by your enemies. 294 00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:06,517 Oh, yeah. 295 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,519 You're both wrong. After death, 296 00:12:08,602 --> 00:12:11,439 you spend all day counting Goblin Jesus's money. 297 00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:13,691 (chuckles) And it better all be there. 298 00:12:13,774 --> 00:12:15,025 71 mermaids. 299 00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:16,819 Some where the fish is the top part. 300 00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:17,987 (laughs): Top. 301 00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:19,196 Mushrooms. 302 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,364 Everywhere, mushrooms. 303 00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:21,449 (grunts) 304 00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:23,200 Frolicking and ribbons! 305 00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:27,204 Yeah, but what if after we die, that's it? 306 00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:28,831 We're just gone? 307 00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:30,040 (all gasping) 308 00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:31,500 So just poof? 309 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:34,211 Really? Poof, and then just super nothing? 310 00:12:34,295 --> 00:12:35,796 Mm-mm? 311 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,382 Well, it's clean. I'll give you that. 312 00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:41,010 (rocking chair squeaking) 313 00:12:44,054 --> 00:12:45,639 Oh, yeah. 314 00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:47,850 This is way better than death. 315 00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:49,643 Come on, Mom. 316 00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:52,146 There's so many things we can say to each other now. 317 00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:53,731 Oh, really? 318 00:12:53,814 --> 00:12:55,566 Okay, then, say them. 319 00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:56,734 I'm waiting. 320 00:12:56,817 --> 00:12:58,652 Oh. Um... 321 00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:00,279 Well... (chuckles) 322 00:13:00,362 --> 00:13:01,572 What about you guys? 323 00:13:01,655 --> 00:13:04,074 What do you want to ask your grandma? 324 00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:05,743 I got nothing. I'm gonna take a stroll 325 00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:07,453 and enjoy the golden age of cleavage. 326 00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:08,954 Lisa? 327 00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:11,457 Um... uh... 328 00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:13,501 Oh! Well, Grandma, 329 00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:15,961 tell us of your most ardent swain. 330 00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:18,339 I dated a shape-shifter once. 331 00:13:18,422 --> 00:13:20,674 I thought I could keep him from changing. 332 00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:21,967 I was wrong. 333 00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:24,178 Love is a fairy tale! 334 00:13:24,261 --> 00:13:26,096 Oh. Uh... 335 00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:29,850 Every moment with her is a precious gift. 336 00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:32,102 Yes. Yes, it is. 337 00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:33,771 All that matters is that we're a family 338 00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:35,356 and we're together. 339 00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:38,901 (all gasping) 340 00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:45,616 Sorcerer-intendent Chalmers. 341 00:13:45,699 --> 00:13:48,702 Your daughter has been detected using witchcraft. 342 00:13:48,786 --> 00:13:51,038 Under the Magic: The Gathering Act, 343 00:13:51,121 --> 00:13:54,792 she is hereby property of the crown. 344 00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:57,461 What? My daughter isn't a magician. 345 00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:59,588 Oh, I'm terribly sorry, but she is. 346 00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:03,217 Yes, the moment that she transmuted lead into gold, 347 00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:05,052 our palantirs-- they just went bananas. 348 00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:07,054 I've never seen palantirs go so bananas. 349 00:14:07,137 --> 00:14:08,806 It was the only way. 350 00:14:08,889 --> 00:14:11,392 I just didn't want you to be sad about Grandma. 351 00:14:11,475 --> 00:14:14,395 (gasps) Oh, no. This is all my fault. 352 00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:16,313 Don't blame yourself, honey. 353 00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:18,566 We're all at fault for doing whatever it takes 354 00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:20,276 to make you happy. 355 00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:21,735 -(gasps) -Help! 356 00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:23,237 You can't nap my kid! 357 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:24,655 That's kidnapping! 358 00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:26,156 Toenail Imprisonum! 359 00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:30,286 D'oh! 360 00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:31,787 Lisa's magic? 361 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:33,873 Maybe I'm magic, too! 362 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:35,374 Abra-carumba! 363 00:14:35,457 --> 00:14:37,585 Yeah, just grab a stick and say a funny word. 364 00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,712 Yeah, that's not insulting to us at all. 365 00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:41,380 Please don't take my daughter. 366 00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:43,966 She was only trying to save her grandmother. 367 00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:45,885 She sounds like a wonderful kid. 368 00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:48,387 Now please say good-bye to her forever. 369 00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:53,517 Take a peasant, leave a peasant. 370 00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:01,984 She's gone. Lisa's gone. 371 00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:04,820 Clip me out of here, Marge. I'm gonna rescue Lisa 372 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,615 if I have to kill every noble in that castle. 373 00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:10,117 But, Dad, serfs can't rise up against nobles. 374 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:11,827 You'd be attacking the system itself. 375 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:14,538 And nobody loves feudalism more than you. 376 00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:17,374 Son, feudalism is a beautiful vision. 377 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:18,876 The Bill of No Rights. 378 00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:21,128 One person, no vote. 379 00:15:21,211 --> 00:15:23,380 But I'm willing to betray all that 380 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:25,090 to get my daughter back. 381 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:27,676 Hey, you mind if I dissolve those? 382 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,178 Uh, just checking. 383 00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:32,222 Better to ask. Better to ask. 384 00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:34,224 Peasants, peons, 385 00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:36,226 and distinguished beggars! 386 00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:38,187 (chortling) 387 00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:41,899 Aren't you tired of the nobles taking the wheat we sow, 388 00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:43,692 the yarn we spin, 389 00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:45,569 and the wine we steal 390 00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:48,238 from travelers we murder on the road? 391 00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:49,907 They even take our children. 392 00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:52,076 And not just the worthless Barts, 393 00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:54,370 but the magical Lisas. 394 00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:57,331 (all murmuring agreement) 395 00:15:57,414 --> 00:16:00,501 If we can put a moon-spangled hat on a man, 396 00:16:00,584 --> 00:16:03,045 why can't we kill a bunch of rich jerks 397 00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:05,381 and take their stuff?! 398 00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:06,840 (all cheering) 399 00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:09,093 (grunting) 400 00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:10,344 -(grunts) -(squeals) 401 00:16:10,427 --> 00:16:11,845 (grunts) 402 00:16:14,181 --> 00:16:15,849 (clamoring, shouting) 403 00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:20,020 (shouting stops) 404 00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:22,523 How are we going to get over these walls? 405 00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:24,358 Walls... 406 00:16:24,441 --> 00:16:26,235 cannot stop us. 407 00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:29,196 The trees will fight with you. 408 00:16:29,279 --> 00:16:31,991 We will never forget your sacrifice. 409 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:34,076 Sacrifice? 410 00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:36,787 We could have torn down 411 00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:39,957 the castle walls in five minutes. 412 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:41,667 (chuckles) 413 00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:43,877 Trees can't talk, silly. 414 00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:48,257 (clamoring, shouting) 415 00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:50,259 (yelling, grunting) 416 00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:51,885 ♪ ♪ 417 00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:56,098 (pig squealing) 418 00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:57,558 LISA: Mom! 419 00:16:57,641 --> 00:17:00,561 Dad! Help! 420 00:17:00,644 --> 00:17:02,813 Milhouses, save your girlfriend! 421 00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:04,732 ALL: Lisa! Lisa! Lisa! 422 00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:06,275 Okay, no, um... 423 00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:09,737 I'm just a friend who is a girl. 424 00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:11,989 ALL: It's something to build on. 425 00:17:14,074 --> 00:17:15,701 (dragon roars) 426 00:17:15,784 --> 00:17:19,371 You peasants are a drag-on the economy. 427 00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:21,498 Oh! I get it. 428 00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:23,917 Because he's riding a dragon! 429 00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:26,170 Aah! 430 00:17:26,253 --> 00:17:29,715 My love for wordplay is undiminished! 431 00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:32,801 -(gasps) Aah! -(screaming) 432 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:35,512 Oh, no! We're losing. 433 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,182 We need to talk. 434 00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:40,350 -Now? -Yes, now. 435 00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:42,853 It's time for me to... go. 436 00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:45,147 -(gasps) -Life is about moving forward. 437 00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:48,317 Girls want to be women, women want to be mothers, 438 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,277 mothers want to be grandmas, 439 00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:53,530 and grandmas want to know what comes next. 440 00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:55,491 But what if I'm not ready? 441 00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:59,203 I wouldn't leave you if I didn't know you'll be all right. 442 00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:04,124 Okay, Mom. I understand. 443 00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:08,045 Maybe I was born a peasant, 444 00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:10,380 but I'm going out an ice queen. 445 00:18:11,715 --> 00:18:13,133 (gasps) 446 00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:38,075 (groans) 447 00:18:38,158 --> 00:18:39,827 Ouch. 448 00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:43,247 Now we won! 449 00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:46,041 (all cheering) 450 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,626 -Oh! -Mm. 451 00:18:47,709 --> 00:18:50,712 My mom gave her life to save ours. 452 00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,631 Take comfort, Marge. 453 00:18:52,714 --> 00:18:55,384 Now she's in the Fields of Bliss. 454 00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:57,886 No, she's in Goblin Money Heaven. 455 00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:00,472 The afterlife is snakes chewing your eyes, 456 00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:02,141 but it feels good. 457 00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:03,767 SNERFS: This is our heaven! 458 00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:05,477 (sighs): Oh. 459 00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:08,772 Or, as long as Grandma lives on in our hearts, 460 00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,774 then she's never truly gone. 461 00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:12,276 Until we die. 462 00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:13,735 Then it's like she never existed. 463 00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:17,239 And, someday, no one will remember you. 464 00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:19,408 Or anybody. 465 00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:22,286 All is well-- the nobles are defeated, 466 00:19:22,369 --> 00:19:23,829 the dragon is dead, 467 00:19:23,912 --> 00:19:24,997 and I've got a daughter 468 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,332 who can turn lead into gold! 469 00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:30,752 Ooh. Um, actually, I can't anymore. 470 00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:33,463 Dragon fire is the source of all magic. 471 00:19:33,547 --> 00:19:35,299 And Grandma killed the last one. 472 00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:38,135 Everything wondrous and extraordinary about our world 473 00:19:38,218 --> 00:19:39,970 is going to fade. 474 00:19:40,053 --> 00:19:41,597 (all gasp) 475 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,474 But maybe now we can use science to improve our world. 476 00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:46,185 With new technologies, 477 00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:49,104 we can put an end to poverty and disease. 478 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:50,606 Sure, it'll be hard work, 479 00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:52,691 but far more rewarding than waving your hand 480 00:19:52,774 --> 00:19:54,985 over a rock to change it into gold. 481 00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:56,320 (chuckles) I mean... 482 00:19:56,403 --> 00:19:58,405 Please come back, magic! 483 00:20:00,407 --> 00:20:02,326 Live, damn you, live. 484 00:20:02,409 --> 00:20:03,952 (dragon groans) 485 00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:08,540 -(all cheer) -I am risen! 486 00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:10,000 But what about science? 487 00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:11,835 Oh, sweetie, who would 488 00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:14,004 want to live in a world without magic? 489 00:20:14,087 --> 00:20:15,714 It would be so boring. 490 00:20:15,797 --> 00:20:18,508 People would have to make up fantasy stories... 491 00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:20,677 Most of them poorly- written pretenses 492 00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,846 for explicit sex and violence. 493 00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:25,891 ...just to escape the tedious real world. 494 00:20:25,974 --> 00:20:28,310 Oh. That does sound awful. 495 00:20:28,393 --> 00:20:30,437 Look! The dragon is burning our village. 496 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:34,524 (laughs) I love our life. 497 00:20:49,957 --> 00:20:52,501 ♪ Dry your tears ♪ 498 00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:55,337 ♪ A journey's end ♪ 499 00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:58,507 ♪ The saga's done ♪ 500 00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:01,343 ♪ We part as friends ♪ 501 00:21:01,426 --> 00:21:05,681 ♪ We must away ♪ 502 00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:08,016 ♪ We cannot tarry ♪ 503 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,185 ♪ The minstrel's burden ♪ 504 00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:13,730 ♪ Is ours to carry ♪ 505 00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:15,899 ♪ All other stories ♪ 506 00:21:15,983 --> 00:21:18,819 ♪ Will ever pale ♪ 507 00:21:18,902 --> 00:21:21,571 ♪ For we have sung ♪ 508 00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:25,409 ♪ The perfect tale. ♪ 509 00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:35,711 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH