1
00:00:08,216 --> 00:00:09,175
看！

2
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:17,308
（沙發橋段乃人心所向）

3
00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:18,309
（一美分，沙發橋段乃人心所向）

4
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:19,310
（吃屎吧）

5
00:00:21,312 --> 00:00:23,314
這就是幫你加的薪水　　　　看！

6
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:31,531
（七年前）

7
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:35,493
光…

8
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:36,703
光！

9
00:00:36,786 --> 00:00:38,496
換你起床了　　　　光…

10
00:00:39,497 --> 00:00:40,999
我真搞不懂為什麼

11
00:00:41,082 --> 00:00:44,836
你生的小孩我也要負責照顧

12
00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:47,130
出去！

13
00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:50,091
光！

14
00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:52,302
爸爸，早餐

15
00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:54,387
天啊，這孩子還滿聰明的

16
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:55,638
星期二

17
00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:57,015
秋…秋天

18
00:00:57,599 --> 00:00:58,975
葉子　　　　她是天才！

19
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:01,519
就跟發明發光鞋的人一樣天才

20
00:01:01,644 --> 00:01:03,229
豐饒角？

21
00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:04,314
（光）

22
00:01:04,939 --> 00:01:08,109
親愛的，你會這麼棒也是當然的

23
00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:10,070
我們沒有像生你哥時那樣

24
00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:11,654
抓住你的手臂把你拉出來

25
00:01:15,533 --> 00:01:16,367
看！

26
00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,456
（１７年後）

27
00:01:21,706 --> 00:01:23,833
哈佛大學申請自傳

28
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:25,460
麗莎辛普森

29
00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:28,046
我生來就具有一項很大的優勢…

30
00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:29,422
你的聲音難聽到

31
00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:30,757
連犀牛都想用角刺進自己的屁股？

32
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:32,926
犀牛已經絕種了，神獵手

33
00:01:33,009 --> 00:01:33,927
河馬就沒絕種

34
00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:35,595
我剛剛才看到一隻身穿藍褲子的河馬

35
00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:36,805
你這個小…

36
00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:37,806
我不小了

37
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,557
我２０歲了，而且還住在家裡

38
00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:41,476
你這個令人失望的…　　　　天啊

39
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:44,020
你這是在掐可以投票的人

40
00:01:44,145 --> 00:01:45,897
但你有去投票嗎？　　　　沒有

41
00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:47,482
你這個小…　　　　真是的…

42
00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:50,527
不投票，放任法西斯主義的…

43
00:01:51,736 --> 00:01:54,989
一定要阻止搖滾小子當上總統

44
00:01:55,406 --> 00:01:57,867
我生來就具有一項很大的優勢

45
00:01:57,992 --> 00:02:00,703
我的家人從來沒讓我好過

46
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:03,414
尤其是在我七歲生日那天

47
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,295
今天是我生日！

48
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:10,421
七歲了！

49
00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:12,924
我要穿我最喜歡的藍色洋裝

50
00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:15,969
那我就穿紅色好了，只有今天

51
00:02:16,052 --> 00:02:17,303
今天是我生日

52
00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:19,764
我要培根！

53
00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:24,519
我沒辦法哄媚姬睡覺

54
00:02:24,602 --> 00:02:27,272
看來我得開始用這個了

55
00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:30,441
（人生真苦奶嘴）

56
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:33,027
好了…這樣夠了

57
00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:36,573
天啊，真是的

58
00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:41,286
不要逼我讓你泡溫水

59
00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:44,247
我放棄

60
00:02:46,624 --> 00:02:48,293
（寶寶的第一次成癮）

61
00:02:48,376 --> 00:02:50,128
你們有什麼話想跟我說嗎？

62
00:02:50,211 --> 00:02:52,130
當然啦，親愛的

63
00:02:52,755 --> 00:02:54,632
趕快準備上學，不然要遲到了

64
00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:57,010
這孩子真是的

65
00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:58,970
麗莎，親愛的

66
00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:00,972
我知道你在興奮什麼

67
00:03:01,055 --> 00:03:03,099
今天是很重要的日子

68
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,267
我們歡慶…

69
00:03:04,475 --> 00:03:07,312
老莫小酒館的優惠時段延長一小時！

70
00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:08,396
什麼？

71
00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:11,524
老莫小酒館優惠時段

72
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:13,526
他永遠不用關門了

73
00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:16,279
（麗莎）

74
00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:26,706
各位同學，今天是很特別的日子

75
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,833
是某個人的生日喔

76
00:03:28,958 --> 00:03:32,003
這個人的爸媽假裝忘記了

77
00:03:32,086 --> 00:03:34,130
好耶！　　　　這個人就是…

78
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,840
休伯特王

79
00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:37,926
生日快樂，巨星！

80
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:43,306
麗莎，請你別毀了休伯特的生日

81
00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:45,600
你也不會希望別人毀了你的生日

82
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:51,189
很抱歉，但你如果沒辦法控制自己

83
00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:53,233
我就得請你去校長辦公室了！

84
00:03:54,108 --> 00:03:57,779
可是你這樣說，讓我更想哭了

85
00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:09,123
不，休伯特，不要給她杯子蛋糕

86
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:13,711
（在班上鬧脾氣，要給她個教訓）

87
00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:14,796
（邁勒老師上）

88
00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:17,423
麗莎，學校是讓人安靜坐著的地方

89
00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:19,092
不是讓人學習的地方嗎？

90
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:20,843
那已經不是我們的目標了

91
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:23,221
你媽媽有沒有讓你失望過？

92
00:04:23,304 --> 00:04:25,014
這跟我媽沒有關係

93
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,933
所以請不要提到我媽

94
00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:29,143
少煩我，媽，少煩我

95
00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:31,145
我只是一個學生而已

96
00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:33,606
我聽不見，媽

97
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,946
她無所不在，無人不是

98
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:43,283
我無所不在是因為你太沒用了

99
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,786
謝謝你讓我有藉口翹班，親愛的

100
00:04:46,869 --> 00:04:48,079
要不要吃我吃剩的甜甜圈？

101
00:04:48,162 --> 00:04:49,080
不用了

102
00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:50,623
你說什麼？

103
00:04:51,165 --> 00:04:52,667
拜託告訴我你怎麼了

104
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:55,712
我不能告訴你，你要自己發現才行

105
00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:56,963
我搔癢你會比較好嗎？

106
00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:57,964
不會

107
00:04:58,047 --> 00:05:00,174
但我只有這一招了

108
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:02,844
我想想，今天是星期幾？星期二嗎？

109
00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:04,429
對　　　　那你就是

110
00:05:04,512 --> 00:05:09,225
六歲又３６５天大

111
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,226
沒錯！

112
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,020
今天是你的生日！

113
00:05:12,103 --> 00:05:14,355
你卻忘記了，麗莎

114
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,108
但因為今天是你生日，所以我原諒你

115
00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:19,360
你今天一定會過得非常開心

116
00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:21,070
樂觀心態，你回來了

117
00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:25,867
全體注意

118
00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:29,412
今天是小麗莎的生日，你們都忘了

119
00:05:29,537 --> 00:05:30,580
我可沒忘

120
00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:33,916
這樣我也得送你小孩生日禮物了

121
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:35,710
你只要記得幫他們禱告就好

122
00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:37,920
兩個都要嗎？好吧

123
00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:43,509
麗莎生日快樂

124
00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:48,222
祝你生日快樂

125
00:05:48,389 --> 00:05:51,017
我們大家都忘了

126
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,981
之後也沒什麼問題了，直到隔年

127
00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:58,483
他們又忘了我的生日

128
00:05:58,566 --> 00:06:00,151
真是的，竟然連續兩次？

129
00:06:00,234 --> 00:06:01,986
就連路易吉都記得

130
00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:04,447
因為我們生日是同一天

131
00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:05,448
所以很好記

132
00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:07,658
我們兩個和休伯特王都是

133
00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:11,871
很好，休伯特，請她吃杯子蛋糕

134
00:06:17,126 --> 00:06:18,252
我漸漸長大後

135
00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:20,505
總算認清了

136
00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:24,133
我爸媽不是半神

137
00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:27,553
你很快就會死亡

138
00:06:27,678 --> 00:06:30,306
閉嘴　　　　你很快就會死亡

139
00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:32,725
閉嘴　　　　血壓飆高中

140
00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,143
閉嘴！

141
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:35,436
撥電話給醫生中

142
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,064
喂？

143
00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:40,233
閉嘴！

144
00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,193
他們只是被困在脆弱婚姻裡的

145
00:06:42,276 --> 00:06:44,028
一對男女而已

146
00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:47,281
他們的婚姻在我１４歲時差點破碎

147
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,285
生日快樂…

148
00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:53,579
我有記得，別跟你的心理治療師說

149
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:56,833
麗莎，今天是你的生日

150
00:06:57,083 --> 00:07:00,086
我來送你五段全新的歌詞

151
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:03,464
你馬上就要變成女人了

152
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:06,551
你馬上就要墜入愛河了

153
00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:09,846
只戴一邊手套的男人

154
00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:12,640
給的建議一定要聽

155
00:07:14,058 --> 00:07:17,103
麗莎，今天是你的生日

156
00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:20,648
生日快樂，麗莎

157
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:23,818
麗莎，今天是你的生日

158
00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:27,238
生日快樂，麗莎

159
00:07:29,073 --> 00:07:31,868
謝謝，這個蛋糕真棒，爸

160
00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:32,994
但我已經１４歲了

161
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,162
看！

162
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,456
（春田國民小學）

163
00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:37,915
生日快樂，麗莎

164
00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:39,709
我們二年級的同學都很想你

165
00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:42,753
你總有一天會離開二年級的，勞夫

166
00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:45,089
但我不想，我比老師還要高

167
00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:47,592
我把桌子弄壞，老師就哭了

168
00:07:47,675 --> 00:07:50,761
我的長鼻子下面長鬍子了

169
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:56,184
拿去放在媽媽的櫃子好了

170
00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:00,396
裡面裝滿東西了？

171
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:03,649
（荷馬）

172
00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:04,859
（給荷馬）

173
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,820
讀我，快讀我

174
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:09,155
你就幫幫我嘛

175
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:12,950
「親愛的荷馬

176
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:14,702
你看到這封信的時候…」

177
00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:15,828
我已經離開了

178
00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:18,039
我們結婚到現在，你變了很多

179
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:19,749
而且都是不好的改變

180
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:22,001
上面寫什麼？我不識字

181
00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:24,086
所以我要帶孩子離開

182
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:25,755
去開一間民宿

183
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:27,840
輪胎火堆在哪裡？

184
00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:30,134
現在已經有四個輪胎火堆了！

185
00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:32,053
痛苦的瑪姬上

186
00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:35,556
媽真的要離開爸了嗎？

187
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:39,185
（婚前協議）

188
00:08:39,268 --> 00:08:40,186
（荷馬：我什麼都沒有）

189
00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:41,229
（色咪咪的阿提席夫）

190
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,314
你總算離開他了

191
00:08:43,564 --> 00:08:46,317
對你我來說都是好消息

192
00:08:46,442 --> 00:08:49,987
我總算學會單手解胸罩了

193
00:08:50,154 --> 00:08:52,448
麗莎，我知道你在幹嘛

194
00:08:53,741 --> 00:08:55,284
（去釣魚了）

195
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:57,286
你不想幫狗狗洗澡

196
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:58,496
就故意躲起來

197
00:08:58,579 --> 00:08:59,914
媽…

198
00:09:01,123 --> 00:09:03,960
嘿…我哪裡也不會去

199
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:05,920
願神祝福你，慣性

200
00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:08,089
我得先幫這隻狗洗好澡

201
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,759
霸子，媽要離開爸了

202
00:09:11,842 --> 00:09:13,135
他真可憐

203
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:15,429
拜託讓我告訴他，拜託

204
00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:16,931
把肉汁拿給我

205
00:09:17,014 --> 00:09:18,683
肉汁本來是叫肉湯

206
00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:20,184
不過聽起來有點可怕

207
00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:22,061
所以我們就改叫肉汁

208
00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:23,479
不過裡面如果有肉塊

209
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,898
就要改叫肉塊汁

210
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:28,276
不過戰爭改變了一切

211
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:33,322
我希望你不要在孩子面前喝那麼多酒

212
00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:36,200
瑪姬，我之前有想在食品間喝酒

213
00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:38,494
是你說那樣太反社會的

214
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:40,746
你為什麼不乾脆去老莫小酒館算了？

215
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:44,875
你想要我在女兒生日當天去酒吧？

216
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:46,836
這樣太糟糕了

217
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:50,047
我當然會去，不過這樣真的很糟糕

218
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:51,340
生日快樂

219
00:09:57,805 --> 00:10:00,474
哈佛會拯救我的…

220
00:10:02,893 --> 00:10:03,853
親我，麗莎

221
00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:06,897
在我爺爺捐錢蓋的廳堂前面親我

222
00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:08,649
他是靠鴉片賺大錢的

223
00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:10,818
但我們對外都說是糖蜜

224
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:15,197
但我得先拯救我爸媽的婚姻

225
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,699
在這幻想裡等等我好嗎？

226
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,284
好，不過我們可以…

227
00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:19,702
變成開放式關係嗎？

228
00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:20,911
當然好

229
00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:29,086
（新建築資金，三百億美金也不夠）

230
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:34,091
（老莫小酒館）

231
00:10:34,216 --> 00:10:36,469
（圖特王音樂商店兼時光旅行店）

232
00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:40,181
老莫，你動作真敏捷

233
00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:42,642
這份工作讓我能保持年輕

234
00:10:47,938 --> 00:10:50,274
爸！媽要離開你了

235
00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:53,110
親愛的，婚姻就像熱水器

236
00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:54,987
平安無事過了好幾年之後

237
00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:57,239
就會突然爆炸起火

238
00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:58,699
毀掉你的一切財產

239
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,326
媽已經收拾好行李了

240
00:11:00,409 --> 00:11:01,535
她用哪個行李箱？

241
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,120
一顆輪子壞掉的那個嗎？

242
00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:05,581
那她連一個街區外都走不到

243
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,124
她把輪子修好了

244
00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:08,292
天啊！

245
00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:12,546
爸，你必須振作一點

246
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:14,048
我已經１４歲了

247
00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:16,467
接下來這四年對我來說

248
00:11:16,592 --> 00:11:18,552
是全家人一起相處的最後回憶

249
00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:20,096
我會聽你的話，親愛的

250
00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:22,264
我希望你戒酒

251
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:23,391
戒酒？

252
00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:26,394
但這就像叫高爾夫球員戒酒一樣

253
00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:28,562
我從來沒想過我會說這句話

254
00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,898
但我最好傳簡訊給我的戒酒協助人

255
00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:32,400
荷馬有戒酒協助人？

256
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,111
哪個笨蛋會自找麻煩啊？

257
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,863
嘿，你的戒酒協助人來囉

258
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,825
奈德，我必須馬上戒酒！

259
00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:42,243
沒問題

260
00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:43,744
只要照１２個簡單步驟做就好了

261
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:45,204
１２個？

262
00:11:45,287 --> 00:11:46,497
好吧，那９個

263
00:11:47,581 --> 00:11:50,126
好，第一步是承認自己無能為力

264
00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:52,044
我無能為力，完成了

265
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:55,506
第二步，承認有比自己更強大的能力

266
00:11:55,589 --> 00:11:56,924
我已經無能為力了

267
00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:59,009
那不是任何能力都比我強大嗎？

268
00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:01,470
你照做就是了，別問那麼多

269
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:04,098
接下來要決定把自己的生命交給上帝

270
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,183
什麼都跟上帝有關

271
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:07,935
就像底漆一樣，好吧

272
00:12:08,018 --> 00:12:10,062
仔細檢視自己的道德品行

273
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:11,939
如果要我找出自己的小缺點

274
00:12:12,022 --> 00:12:13,983
那就是我有太多大缺點了

275
00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:15,526
承認自己犯的錯

276
00:12:15,609 --> 00:12:18,112
我真的不太會路邊停車

277
00:12:18,195 --> 00:12:21,407
你準備好求上帝除去這些缺點了嗎？

278
00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:23,784
親愛的上帝，天堂的撒旦

279
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,369
我命令你把我修理好

280
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,288
好，那我就快速帶過

281
00:12:27,371 --> 00:12:28,956
你要補償過錯　　　　這是你的錢包

282
00:12:29,039 --> 00:12:30,833
還要禱告　　　　我禱告求你別生氣

283
00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:32,251
最後還要來個頓悟

284
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:37,131
定價９．９９美元的東西

285
00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:39,049
其實就是１０美元！

286
00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:42,178
上帝成功拯救你了！

287
00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:44,054
就是這樣，我不會再喝酒了

288
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,599
看看那些人

289
00:12:46,682 --> 00:12:48,309
我之前也像他們一樣

290
00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:50,478
我真是太為你感到開心了

291
00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:52,104
你如果聽到惡魔誘惑你的聲音

292
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,439
就隨時打給我

293
00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:54,482
荷馬

294
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:55,858
荷馬

295
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:58,110
荷馬…

296
00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:02,615
要不要來杯熱火老莫？

297
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:05,451
喝我吧！

298
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:08,788
我是環球影城裡定價最誇張的東西！

299
00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:10,706
不，我不要喝！

300
00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:18,672
麗莎寶貝，我們來慶祝你的生日吧！

301
00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:19,799
太好了！

302
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:21,258
老婆

303
00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:22,635
我很抱歉

304
00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:24,345
我好想你

305
00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:28,390
他真的永遠戒酒了

306
00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:32,019
那是我收過最棒的生日禮物

307
00:13:32,269 --> 00:13:34,563
這篇自傳有點太老哏了

308
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:35,898
但她的成績很完美

309
00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:37,566
課外活動經歷也很豐富

310
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,235
而且她會是第一位

311
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:40,319
來自加州的哈佛學生

312
00:13:40,402 --> 00:13:41,821
錄取！我們馬上就來發送

313
00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:43,823
即時錄取通知信吧

314
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:48,452
（哈佛大學）

315
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:51,413
我錄取了！我決定要去哈佛就讀！

316
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:52,748
（麻省理工、歐柏林學院）

317
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:53,791
（塔夫茨大學、麥基爾大學）

318
00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:54,917
（波士頓學院）

319
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:01,131
（十年後）

320
00:14:05,302 --> 00:14:06,345
（哈佛大學）

321
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:07,680
（就連輟學生也是億萬富翁）

322
00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:11,976
我到了，比我想像中還要常春藤

323
00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:14,728
麗莎辛普森　　　　麗莎辛普森？

324
00:14:15,604 --> 00:14:17,773
不好意思，好像是出了什麼問題

325
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:20,025
不！　　　　騙到你了

326
00:14:20,150 --> 00:14:22,069
這是我唯一能耍威風的機會

327
00:14:22,152 --> 00:14:24,446
我之後只能一直跟你們要錢了

328
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,873
來吧，親愛的，讓我抱你跨越門檻

329
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:37,293
爸，那是婚禮上才要做的事

330
00:14:37,501 --> 00:14:39,211
我覺得爸好像要變成爺爺了

331
00:14:39,461 --> 00:14:41,922
不要給我隨便亂講話！

332
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:45,134
我可是會用楓糖漿做領帶夾的

333
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:47,428
但只有在國旗日當天

334
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,430
在海邊…

335
00:14:49,513 --> 00:14:51,307
在那美麗的海邊

336
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:54,226
太棒了，我們再也不用去看爺爺了

337
00:15:00,816 --> 00:15:01,859
（史金納超遜）

338
00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:02,902
（波西林俱樂部入會儀式）

339
00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:04,862
繼續喝…

340
00:15:04,945 --> 00:15:07,281
我已經喝夠了

341
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:10,492
學長說夠了才算夠了

342
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:12,620
需要我幫你收東西嗎？

343
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:16,332
媽，我得學習自己做這些事

344
00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:23,714
抱歉

345
00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:25,841
車子不能停在哈佛園裡

346
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:26,926
（異性戀的你並不孤單）

347
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:27,968
（吃水果也是謀殺生命！）

348
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:29,929
你說什麼不能停在什麼裡？

349
00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:31,597
車子不能…

350
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,682
然後呢？　　　　停在哈佛園裡

351
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,059
你是用了麻醉藥嗎？

352
00:15:35,142 --> 00:15:36,435
對，但只是消遣用

353
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,228
快去把你那台爛車移開

354
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,483
你好，我叫凱特琳

355
00:15:42,816 --> 00:15:44,068
我的室友

356
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:46,362
你會什麼樂器嗎？

357
00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:47,446
上低音薩克斯風

358
00:15:47,571 --> 00:15:48,489
你很厲害嗎？

359
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,366
我在肯尼吉的葬禮上表演過

360
00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:52,618
她還蠻厲害的耶

361
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:55,621
你童年有什麼傷心事嗎？

362
00:15:55,704 --> 00:15:57,998
我爸媽忘了我的生日三次

363
00:15:58,165 --> 00:16:00,125
她各方面都比我厲害

364
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:01,335
我不屬於這裡

365
00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:02,836
你剛剛在自卑的時候

366
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,046
我已經搶了上舖

367
00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:08,759
划…

368
00:16:08,842 --> 00:16:10,469
划…

369
00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:12,262
我一定連新生週　　　　划…

370
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:13,806
都撐不過去的

371
00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:15,641
嘿，妹妹　　　　天啊

372
00:16:15,724 --> 00:16:17,685
至少你過得很開心

373
00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:19,687
對啊，這些女生想利用我

374
00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:20,980
在她們爸媽回家前氣氣他們

375
00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:25,150
離他遠一點，曼蒂！

376
00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:26,860
我願意付錢！

377
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,445
跟他說我有兩個小孩

378
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,698
最棒的點在於，我真的有兩個小孩

379
00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:34,660
你真懂女人的心，霸子

380
00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:37,579
我認識你都這麼久了

381
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:41,041
我很確定你絕對屬於這裡

382
00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:42,292
你會更認真念書

383
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:43,836
你會問更棒的問題

384
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,213
你會讓其他人都害怕你

385
00:16:46,296 --> 00:16:48,132
好好嚇嚇他們

386
00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:50,759
讓爸媽以你為榮吧

387
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:51,969
然後我再讓他們以我為榮

388
00:16:52,052 --> 00:16:53,554
但你先　　　　謝謝

389
00:16:57,057 --> 00:16:58,517
（你是我的聲音！）

390
00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:03,564
這就是了

391
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:06,400
我這輩子再來都是自己一個人了

392
00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,279
你也是我的室友嗎？

393
00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:13,449
現在是，但我之後一定會被退學

394
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:15,743
大家都覺得自己會撐不下去

395
00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:18,120
我已經被從另一間寢室趕出來了

396
00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:21,040
因為我的室友不喜歡我

397
00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:23,584
她說我用光了她的洗髮精！

398
00:17:24,793 --> 00:17:26,086
我覺得你很幽默

399
00:17:27,337 --> 00:17:30,007
你應該想跟我說你的大考分數吧

400
00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:31,842
我是很想，但我不會說的

401
00:17:31,925 --> 00:17:33,093
跟我聊聊你的事吧

402
00:17:33,177 --> 00:17:34,428
我已經開始想家了

403
00:17:34,511 --> 00:17:36,346
我一直以來都很格格不入

404
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:37,598
我又是家裡的老二

405
00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:40,309
我喜歡藝術，而且我會的樂器

406
00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:42,770
是所有樂器裡最冷門的

407
00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:44,480
爵士單簧管

408
00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:58,035
你爵士單簧管吹得真不錯

409
00:17:58,118 --> 00:18:01,288
你的薩克斯風也吹得很棒

410
00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:02,748
我們別再用怪口音說話了

411
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:03,874
謝謝

412
00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:06,251
我本來希望今天能認識…

413
00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:08,128
一輩子的好朋友嗎？　　　　對

414
00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:09,296
我就是！

415
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:13,342
口語７３０分、數學７９０分

416
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:14,885
念力８００分

417
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:19,431
口語７４０分、數學７８０分

418
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:21,100
我還會講流利貓語

419
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:24,478
真高興能認識你

420
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:27,815
我交到朋友了

421
00:18:27,981 --> 00:18:29,024
從那天開始

422
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,192
我就再也沒回想過以前的事

423
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:32,945
除了我現在一直在回想之外

424
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:34,947
但我從來沒懷疑過

425
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:37,157
真正的我夠不夠好

426
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:45,916
（我要吃的龍蝦）

427
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:54,675
（如何養育自己）

428
00:19:00,055 --> 00:19:02,307
光…

429
00:19:02,432 --> 00:19:03,976
親愛的，你才一歲大

430
00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:07,146
就已經是我最棒的成就了

431
00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:08,856
爸爸開心

432
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,233
爸爸非常開心

433
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,236
爸爸欣喜若狂！

434
00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:16,864
她還會自己編新詞呢

435
00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:22,161
超脫樂團的表演好精彩

436
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:25,455
大家都濫用類固醇

437
00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:28,959
豆豆娃造成轟動

438
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:32,337
美好的往日時光

439
00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:35,924
我們當時有真正的英雄

440
00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:39,970
例如恰恰賓克斯和魁剛金

441
00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:43,056
如果可以再有個

442
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:46,810
像理查西蒙斯那樣的人就好了

443
00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:49,980
看了好多像《戀戀情深》那種電影

444
00:19:50,063 --> 00:19:53,275
錄影帶看完還要倒帶

445
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:57,946
我們的數據機撥接得很順

446
00:20:01,992 --> 00:20:06,997
美好的往日時光

447
00:20:07,247 --> 00:20:09,458
很好，我們法院見

448
00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:12,836
光…

449
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:14,713
秋…秋天

450
00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,928
（圖特王音樂商店）

451
00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:22,346
（老莫小酒館）

452
00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:26,475
（胖小子甜甜圈）

453
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:28,352
（春田輪胎火堆）

454
00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:30,229
（加油站）

455
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:36,526
（達夫啤酒）

456
00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:38,946
（敬請繼續觀賞）

457
00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:44,243
（《辛普森與兒子秀》）