1
00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:07,465
（歡迎光臨春田核電廠）

2
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,386
（崇高的靈魂讓矮小的人顯得偉大）

3
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:12,804
（胖小子甜甜圈）

4
00:00:12,887 --> 00:00:14,097
（老莫小酒館，新增女廁）

5
00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:18,226
（勒死孩子並非有效管教方式）

6
00:00:25,233 --> 00:00:26,151
看！

7
00:00:29,654 --> 00:00:31,489
它還好嗎，醫生？

8
00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:32,574
它很好

9
00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:33,992
寶寶出來了

10
00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:37,328
我最會抱寶寶了

11
00:00:38,246 --> 00:00:39,122
看！

12
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:54,262
您正在收看提升心智成長的

13
00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:55,555
博學電視網

14
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:56,598
別錯過接下來的…

15
00:00:57,515 --> 00:00:58,808
「末日之週」

16
00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:00,602
伊波拉流星

17
00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:02,187
飆核天王

18
00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:04,189
耶穌基督萬世風暴

19
00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:05,774
但首先是…諾查丹瑪斯

20
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,567
預見未來之人

21
00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:11,696
以下的影片

22
00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:13,615
於１９８２年錄製

23
00:01:13,698 --> 00:01:15,200
人們本以為已永久失傳

24
00:01:15,283 --> 00:01:16,993
但事實上，它是被誤放於

25
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:20,038
喜劇片「雙面博士」的盒子裡

26
00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:23,249
其中的預言帶來了前所未見的恐懼

27
00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:25,126
各位好，我是奧森…

28
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:26,836
威爾斯

29
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,421
「大國民」的導演

30
00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:29,631
真無聊

31
00:01:29,839 --> 00:01:31,132
也在「好萊塢方格」中

32
00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:32,801
擔任左下角的來賓

33
00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:35,178
就在露絲布茲旁邊呢

34
00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:37,013
在１５５５年

35
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,723
預言家諾查丹瑪斯

36
00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:41,518
預言了一連串可怕事件

37
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:43,520
這些預言後來全數應驗

38
00:01:43,686 --> 00:01:46,564
第一，是他將面臨死亡

39
00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:48,358
第二，歐洲將發生大型戰爭

40
00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:51,236
就像他當年在歐洲見到的大型戰爭

41
00:01:51,402 --> 00:01:53,988
以及佛利伍麥克樂團會解散

42
00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:56,491
但諾查丹瑪斯的最後一首四行詩

43
00:01:56,574 --> 00:01:58,368
透露了另一項預言

44
00:01:58,451 --> 00:01:59,828
至今尚未成真

45
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:02,413
在反基督人士

46
00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:03,665
成為總統後不久…

47
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:07,752
「燃燒的蕈狀雲竄升天際」

48
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,339
這香檳真難喝

49
00:02:11,422 --> 00:02:13,299
味道跟烘衣紙一樣

50
00:02:13,424 --> 00:02:15,301
但剛剛提到的蕈狀雲

51
00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:16,511
究竟代表著什麼呢？

52
00:02:16,594 --> 00:02:17,470
肯定就是…

53
00:02:18,054 --> 00:02:19,806
第三次世界大戰

54
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:22,517
誰會相信這些蠢話？

55
00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:24,519
史密瑟斯，我好怕

56
00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:26,104
讓安慰狗狗過來

57
00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:31,109
好極了，現在把牠們做成地毯

58
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,278
所有僥倖生存的人

59
00:02:33,361 --> 00:02:35,738
肯定會羨慕那些…

60
00:02:35,947 --> 00:02:37,740
誰？我們還會羨慕誰？

61
00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:38,825
死去的人

62
00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:42,287
史密瑟斯，末日要到了，得做好準備

63
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:44,706
去集結鎮上最聰明的人們

64
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:45,915
要叫披薩嗎？

65
00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:48,209
叫一個大起司披薩，每片再對切

66
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,590
請注意，門薩組織

67
00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:56,217
春田分會的高智商成員們

68
00:02:56,342 --> 00:02:58,469
伯恩斯先生召集我們

69
00:02:58,636 --> 00:03:00,513
希望能解決一件

70
00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:02,473
將會影響全球的未知問題

71
00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:03,474
但首先

72
00:03:03,641 --> 00:03:05,310
先玩三角骨牌！

73
00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:07,478
我們可以自己解出自己寫的藏頭詩

74
00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:09,480
好，在那之前可以

75
00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:11,149
按照字母排序背出

76
00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:12,609
獨立宣言的所有詞彙

77
00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:14,611
一個…　　　　一個…

78
00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:16,029
一個…　　　　一個…

79
00:03:16,487 --> 00:03:17,614
放棄　　　　放棄

80
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:19,699
廢除…　　　　並廢除…

81
00:03:19,949 --> 00:03:22,035
絕對、免除…　　　　絕對、免除…

82
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,203
安靜，益智遊戲迷

83
00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:25,788
我召集你們來是因為末日將至

84
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,749
才怪，你在害怕什麼？

85
00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:29,042
全球暖化？

86
00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:31,002
人工智慧？

87
00:03:31,586 --> 00:03:33,338
某種瘟疫？

88
00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:37,133
身為聰明的貪婪角色

89
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,384
我要求你們協助建造

90
00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:41,012
蒙哥馬利伯恩斯末日方舟

91
00:03:41,095 --> 00:03:42,388
這艘太空艦艇將帶領

92
00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:44,140
最優秀聰明的人類迎向更好的未來

93
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,851
接受我的嚴格統治

94
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,811
老天爺啊…

95
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,481
要帶能滿足你私人需求的人嗎？

96
00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:53,983
後宮佳麗，一大群後宮佳麗

97
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:55,235
我會努力爭取

98
00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:56,527
我要你們告訴我

99
00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:59,656
誰有資格跟我一起逃離末日之災

100
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:02,033
我只要從鎮上眾多萬聖節糖果中

101
00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:03,326
挑出最為鋒利的刀片

102
00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:04,869
別擔心，伯恩斯先生

103
00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:06,246
這就是門薩組織的專長

104
00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:08,164
讓其他人覺得自己很蠢

105
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,041
英文單字裡

106
00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:12,752
唯一有連續三組重複字母的詞是…

107
00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:15,046
「醋栗」

108
00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:16,756
不對，「咖啡」，「咖啡啡」

109
00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:19,550
「氣球球」　　　　是「簿記員」

110
00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:20,551
可惡

111
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,387
這很簡單，我們只需要

112
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:24,931
讓鎮上每個人參加智商測驗

113
00:04:25,139 --> 00:04:26,808
得到最高分的人們就能上方舟

114
00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:28,685
門薩成員預先入選

115
00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:30,061
我覺得不錯　　　　很好

116
00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:31,354
預先入選

117
00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:34,065
話別說得太早，夫勒溫

118
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,400
身為聰明人士

119
00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:36,567
我非常確定

120
00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:38,236
你們也會同意我的論點

121
00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:40,321
智商毫無意義

122
00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:41,406
妖言惑眾！

123
00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:43,533
我有一項終極測驗

124
00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:45,785
能評量更加重要的特質

125
00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:48,579
各位身為人類的

126
00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:49,914
總體價值

127
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,249
不可能

128
00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:53,084
只有智商能代表

129
00:04:53,167 --> 00:04:54,961
一個人的重要性

130
00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:56,129
不信的話就問問我們

131
00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:58,214
我們六歲時就在智商測驗取得高分

132
00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:02,844
你們也許是最聰明的

133
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:04,512
但你們不是最棒的

134
00:05:04,595 --> 00:05:06,472
若要知道你們身為人類的價值

135
00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:08,016
最好的測量方式就是

136
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,768
個人價值測驗

137
00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:12,061
簡稱ＰＶＱ

138
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:14,605
夠了，別再丟了

139
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:16,607
別攻擊我，也別拿圓規刺我脖子

140
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:18,693
哎呦喂，為了消除

141
00:05:18,776 --> 00:05:19,902
你們強烈的敵意

142
00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:22,739
我會讓我的報告生動有趣些，好嗎？

143
00:05:22,905 --> 00:05:23,823
準備，一、二

144
00:05:23,906 --> 00:05:26,492
３．１４１５９

145
00:05:27,201 --> 00:05:28,619
若我接下來冒犯到各位

146
00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:30,079
我先向大家道歉

147
00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:31,914
但我認為舊式智商測驗

148
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,499
有許多缺點

149
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:36,586
若要探討一個人的能力

150
00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:39,130
就必須了解他們的

151
00:05:39,213 --> 00:05:40,506
個人價值

152
00:05:40,798 --> 00:05:41,841
（個人價值）

153
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:46,304
這項測驗包含了

154
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,306
同情與同理

155
00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:50,141
及團隊合作

156
00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:51,851
藝術才能與整潔

157
00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:53,686
及複合社會化

158
00:05:53,811 --> 00:05:57,357
還有人類性格每一個層面

159
00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,484
嘿，個人價值測驗

160
00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:00,860
對我來說

161
00:06:00,943 --> 00:06:02,403
超完美

162
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:07,367
這項測驗包含了

163
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:08,951
諷刺和審慎

164
00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:10,995
若你是牛頓就免了

165
00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:12,538
自信、野心

166
00:06:12,663 --> 00:06:14,415
以及你支持的隊伍

167
00:06:14,582 --> 00:06:16,834
也就是讓一個人完整的

168
00:06:16,959 --> 00:06:18,294
所有小毛病

169
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,421
相信個人價值測驗

170
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:24,300
它是靈魂的衡量標準

171
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,219
（還沒結束）

172
00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:33,518
各位，你們都是天才

173
00:06:33,684 --> 00:06:35,520
過獎了　　　　天啊，謝謝

174
00:06:35,603 --> 00:06:37,438
你們知道這不是鬧著玩

175
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,023
情緒智商

176
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:40,942
是上方舟的要件

177
00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:50,618
（個人價值）

178
00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:52,870
你說的是認真和自我

179
00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:54,622
以及製作墨西哥餅的能力

180
00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:56,582
和是否有社交禮儀

181
00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,626
不隨便穿三角泳褲

182
00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,586
成就完美人格的

183
00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:01,879
每一項特點

184
00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:03,548
個人價值測驗　　　　個人價值測驗

185
00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:05,425
我們將以此　　　　我們將以此

186
00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:06,843
找出適合人選　　　　找出適合人選

187
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:08,803
大家相互扶持　　　　大家相互扶持

188
00:07:08,886 --> 00:07:10,805
個人價值測驗　　　　個人價值測驗

189
00:07:10,888 --> 00:07:13,933
對我來說　　　　對我來說

190
00:07:14,016 --> 00:07:18,104
超完美　　　　超完美

191
00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:20,148
唉呦喂

192
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:21,607
有人要唱反駁的歌嗎？

193
00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:25,528
你們一定要有心…

194
00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:26,612
少廢話了

195
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:28,906
我們要採用他的測驗

196
00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:30,867
太棒了　　　　來決定誰有資格

197
00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:32,410
登上我的方舟

198
00:07:32,618 --> 00:07:34,245
先生，我們要如何讓鎮上的人

199
00:07:34,328 --> 00:07:36,247
在不知情的情況下參加測驗呢？

200
00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:38,875
（春田市會議中心，全市強制測驗）

201
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:40,334
強制測驗

202
00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:42,170
強制測驗

203
00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:43,963
除了搖鈴的人以外

204
00:07:44,046 --> 00:07:45,673
大家全都得參加

205
00:07:48,384 --> 00:07:49,886
這個測驗目的是什麼？

206
00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:51,596
在我看來，祕密企業

207
00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:54,182
知道越多我們的資訊越好，對吧？

208
00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:55,600
我喜歡無人機突然跑來給我東西

209
00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:57,143
我甚至都不知道自己需要

210
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:01,105
我的止汗劑正好用完了

211
00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:02,106
我們都知道

212
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,817
清除所有多餘記號

213
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:06,652
只能使用二號鉛筆

214
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,988
還有看在老天的份上，放輕鬆！

215
00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:10,239
這個問題問了

216
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:11,699
內衣褲的價格

217
00:08:11,782 --> 00:08:14,452
當我是什麼穿得起內褲的大地主嗎？

218
00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:16,412
我能抄你的答案嗎？

219
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:17,580
拿去吧

220
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:21,167
（姓名：威利，姓名：威利）

221
00:08:21,417 --> 00:08:22,960
「白天之於晚上

222
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,795
等於早之於…」

223
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,006
晚，好耶！

224
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,177
好耶！

225
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:35,348
好耶！

226
00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:39,602
我居然在這次測驗

227
00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:41,521
忘了帶我的耳塞

228
00:08:41,729 --> 00:08:42,980
結果出爐了

229
00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:44,857
針對我們的智力

230
00:08:44,982 --> 00:08:45,942
最新且最準確的測驗

231
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:47,735
分數自１排至５００

232
00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:49,529
５００代表最佳成績

233
00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:51,072
真無聊　　　　別關掉

234
00:08:51,155 --> 00:08:53,533
我要看我的分數

235
00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:57,203
謝謝

236
00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:58,829
我們現在列出所有人的分數

237
00:08:58,913 --> 00:08:59,997
清單將快速跑過螢幕

238
00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:00,957
從最高分到最低分

239
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:03,459
相信各位只會在自己名字出現時暫停

240
00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:05,753
暫停

241
00:09:05,836 --> 00:09:07,171
（麗莎辛普森：４７５分）

242
00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:08,506
４７５分

243
00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:10,466
我的最佳位置，太棒了

244
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:11,759
但還有進步空間

245
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:13,678
（勞夫維古姆：４７６分）

246
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:16,514
什麼？我竟然少勞夫一分？

247
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:17,515
竟然是勞夫？

248
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:18,933
小乖，這不代表

249
00:09:19,016 --> 00:09:20,309
勞夫比你聰明

250
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:23,646
這只表示他比你更有價值

251
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:26,190
勞夫？　　　　繼續播

252
00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:28,526
（瑪姬辛普森：３１１分）

253
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:29,735
３１１分

254
00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:32,530
在平均之上，但又不會讓人生氣

255
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:34,282
還剛好是抱怨路面不平時

256
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:35,825
要打的專線號碼

257
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:38,077
「荷馬辛普森

258
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:39,787
２６５分」

259
00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:42,290
剛剛好是一年的天數

260
00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:45,167
好棒棒，我們轉台吧

261
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:46,794
但還沒看到你的分數

262
00:09:46,877 --> 00:09:48,462
我說過了，這樣很棒

263
00:09:49,338 --> 00:09:51,215
不在上面…

264
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:52,508
不在上面

265
00:09:55,219 --> 00:09:58,306
（霸子辛普森：１分，廢物）

266
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:04,478
我才不需要什麼測驗

267
00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:05,646
我很懂街頭生存之道

268
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:13,613
我拒絕接受

269
00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:15,948
我的寶貝兒子未來沒希望

270
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:18,326
他可以學怎麼換計算機單子

271
00:10:18,492 --> 00:10:20,244
那是我在大蕭條年代的謀生技能

272
00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:22,872
還有告訴聯邦調查局哪個軍樂隊小子

273
00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:24,665
要開始吹奏爵士舞曲

274
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:26,542
我們不能放棄霸子

275
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,586
我也不會放棄你，荷馬

276
00:10:28,669 --> 00:10:30,546
你還沒死心啊？用什麼方法？

277
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,214
我的遺囑總共３８頁

278
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,549
都是我對你的怒吼

279
00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:34,925
原來我有在遺囑裡啊

280
00:10:39,138 --> 00:10:41,182
查爾斯，聽好了，查爾斯

281
00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:42,683
現在還不是時候，撒旦

282
00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:44,977
我不是撒旦，我是奧森威爾斯

283
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:45,936
撒旦在時間到之前

284
00:10:46,103 --> 00:10:46,979
會先賣酒給你

285
00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:48,105
沒錯，聽著

286
00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:51,776
你有認真看待我的警告嗎？

287
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,778
有啊，我已經啟動了方舟計畫

288
00:10:53,861 --> 00:10:55,696
很好，我得走了

289
00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:57,990
上帝任命我建立一道彩虹

290
00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:00,076
但我把一半預算都花在靛色上

291
00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:02,703
現在只能由我自己擔任紅色了

292
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:03,913
史密瑟斯

293
00:11:04,288 --> 00:11:06,666
加速方舟的製造，投入所有人力

294
00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:09,043
要餵他們多少蘭姆酒和鹽巴都行

295
00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:14,799
（蘭姆酒）

296
00:11:16,133 --> 00:11:18,469
在鷹架上睡午覺最舒服了

297
00:11:21,263 --> 00:11:22,932
你覺得我們在建造的是什麼？

298
00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:25,017
肯定是新的搖滾名人堂

299
00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:26,644
也許新的名人堂不會來者不拒

300
00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:30,022
勞夫怎麼可能比我高分？

301
00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:31,565
測驗一定有問題

302
00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:34,985
但我的自尊全來自測驗

303
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,571
我真的要這樣拉這條繩子嗎？

304
00:11:38,906 --> 00:11:40,700
我不比勞夫差

305
00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:45,162
嗨，勞夫　　　　嗨，勞夫

306
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:47,081
嗨，勞夫　　　　嗨，勞夫

307
00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:49,834
我好懷念穿過我腦袋的繩子

308
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:52,628
好了，麗莎

309
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,839
安靜看著，不要批評

310
00:11:56,173 --> 00:11:58,467
他憑什麼高我一等？

311
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:04,432
我沒事

312
00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:08,811
這裡是維古姆宅邸

313
00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:11,439
若勞夫被東西卡住，請按一

314
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:14,233
若勞夫身上卡了東西，請按二

315
00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:15,735
如果是勞夫本人打來

316
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:17,778
爸爸不在電話裡面

317
00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:20,489
不要為了找我把電話拆掉

318
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:21,782
你在做什麼？

319
00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:23,617
我唯一擅長的事

320
00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:25,703
無所事事　　　　到此為止了

321
00:12:25,786 --> 00:12:27,621
我們去找法林克教授

322
00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:30,458
問清楚那個測驗到底是怎麼回事

323
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,251
有個小禮物要給你，霸子

324
00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:34,253
這本書叫「傻瓜也能懂的聖經」

325
00:12:34,378 --> 00:12:35,254
（殺掉長子）

326
00:12:35,337 --> 00:12:37,006
他不會收下的

327
00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:38,299
好吧

328
00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:39,550
法林克教授

329
00:12:39,633 --> 00:12:41,761
你的蠢測驗毀了我兒子的人生

330
00:12:42,052 --> 00:12:44,013
那個測驗就像我的親生兒子

331
00:12:44,096 --> 00:12:45,765
我把它從小試題拉拔長大

332
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,725
我從我兒子一出世就認識他

333
00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:49,643
他一點都不像

334
00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:52,146
你的蠢測驗說的那麼蠢

335
00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:54,690
如果你真的相信，那你就是個蠢材

336
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,108
超級大蠢材…

337
00:12:56,233 --> 00:12:57,735
瑪姬

338
00:12:57,818 --> 00:13:00,112
你真的很愛霸子

339
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:02,198
好啦…我重新檢查一次

340
00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:04,116
重新檢查…

341
00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:05,743
刻意的嘆氣

342
00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:06,744
唉呦喂

343
00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:08,788
重新檢查…有了

344
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:10,122
霸子辛普森

345
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:12,333
那不是霸子的霸

346
00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:15,211
是啊，你看，這兩張…

347
00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:16,921
我的天啊！

348
00:13:17,004 --> 00:13:18,130
真的出錯了

349
00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:20,925
看來你的兒子有平均以上的智力

350
00:13:21,091 --> 00:13:22,343
你辦到了，兒子！

351
00:13:22,426 --> 00:13:23,594
不，那不只是像霸子的霸

352
00:13:23,677 --> 00:13:26,055
真正的廢物是荷馬辛普森

353
00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:28,140
真是個阿呆

354
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:29,225
字有夠醜

355
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:31,060
還是全市第一蠢

356
00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:32,102
看！　　　　嘿！

357
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:33,646
我就是荷馬辛普森

358
00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:35,356
很高興認識你

359
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:36,649
你要喝點水嗎？

360
00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:37,942
聰明水嗎？　　　　不是

361
00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:43,405
親愛的，你不一起來？　　　　再見

362
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:45,282
我無法，要是大家發現

363
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:46,492
我是春田市最笨的人

364
00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:48,452
我就會淪為笑柄

365
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:50,120
他們哪會發現？

366
00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:51,121
我在推特上發文了

367
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:53,958
瑪姬，你得跟上年輕人的腳步

368
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:56,794
（諾亞波拜克，往布魯克林）

369
00:13:56,877 --> 00:13:58,420
（三號廳）

370
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,756
抱歉，先生，你的影廳是這間

371
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,508
（四號廳，堅果行動三：私藏行動）

372
00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,802
（天才吧）

373
00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:07,304
（蠢材吧）

374
00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:09,890
當心保持你的忠實

375
00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:13,769
不要太恣意調情…

376
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:14,770
（公園莎士比亞戲劇演出）

377
00:14:15,187 --> 00:14:16,063
（冰上芝麻街，警告：限制級內容）

378
00:14:16,146 --> 00:14:18,524
為何芝麻街奧斯卡戴著垃圾桶溜冰？

379
00:14:18,607 --> 00:14:19,900
這沒道理啊！

380
00:14:20,776 --> 00:14:22,361
（水族館，售票處，入口）

381
00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:23,487
我要來這裡打起精神

382
00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:24,697
（春田水族館，成人、老人、蠢人）

383
00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:26,156
一張蠢人票

384
00:14:27,324 --> 00:14:29,034
好喔，你給了我４０元

385
00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:30,286
找你２元

386
00:14:30,494 --> 00:14:32,162
除非你要防潑水保險

387
00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:34,540
那要多少錢？　　　　外加１０元

388
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:35,749
給你２０元

389
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,209
再找你２元

390
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,967
保險不包含入口的潑水　　　　看！

391
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:46,886
嗨，荷馬

392
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,554
我們剛才在看智力節目

393
00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:50,431
但我們現在只會討論

394
00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:51,974
形狀跟顏色

395
00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:54,351
我喜歡藍色長方形

396
00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:56,270
你知道的，長方形，荷馬

397
00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:57,938
有四個邊的那種

398
00:14:59,189 --> 00:15:00,107
聽好了

399
00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:01,317
我打從１６歲

400
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,943
就學會了那些形狀

401
00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:05,863
放開他，荷馬，我會給你餅乾

402
00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:07,448
那是個杯墊

403
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:09,450
唉唷，笨蛋變聰明了呢

404
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,118
餅乾給我

405
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:12,661
沒想到我會說這句話

406
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,914
我傷心到不想待在老莫小酒館

407
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:19,001
（老莫小酒館）

408
00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:21,879
（傻莫小酒館）

409
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,297
嗨，荷馬

410
00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:26,592
抱歉，我知道我太佔床位了

411
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:27,843
親愛的

412
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,470
全世界對你的想法

413
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,305
也不會改變我對你的看法

414
00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:33,182
你對我的看法是什麼？

415
00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:34,725
你的帥氣髮型和身材

416
00:15:34,808 --> 00:15:36,644
就像跟著羅賓漢的禿頭修道士塔克

417
00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:41,357
那我的頭腦呢？

418
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:44,193
「綠野仙蹤」裡我最愛的角色

419
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:46,737
一直都是稻草人

420
00:15:46,904 --> 00:15:48,572
我就知道，都是那個測驗

421
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:49,949
你現在會先覺得我很蠢

422
00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:50,950
第三順位才是荷馬

423
00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:52,743
我是說第二順位，我知道第二這個詞

424
00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:54,036
我不會讓你放棄

425
00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:56,163
我們要開始提升你的能力

426
00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:58,499
瑪姬，人一旦過了３９歲

427
00:15:58,582 --> 00:16:00,209
做什麼都沒用

428
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:02,086
喬治布希就戒了酒

429
00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:03,253
當上總統

430
00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:05,005
那對他和美國都是天大的錯誤

431
00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:06,340
荷馬，這一切的誤會

432
00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:08,801
都是你的潦草字跡造成的

433
00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:09,802
我們就從這點開始著手

434
00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:11,804
改善你的字跡

435
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,305
我現在只想

436
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,391
把手伸進口袋裡哭

437
00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:18,602
這下這隻手可嫉妒了

438
00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:21,939
我知道這樣親下去的結果

439
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,108
我也知道

440
00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:25,776
但你先說

441
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,319
抱抱

442
00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:32,157
（危險勿近，請戴安全帽）

443
00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:33,784
他的祕密是什麼？

444
00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:35,995
他的祕密到底是什麼？

445
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:37,830
我要去暈暈樂園了

446
00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:42,167
（危險勿近，請戴安全帽）

447
00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:47,756
要看我翻跟斗嗎？

448
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,842
不要…　　　　說得有理

449
00:16:49,925 --> 00:16:51,468
但是呢…我翻！

450
00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:56,515
別擔心，老路，我在卡通裡看過

451
00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:59,143
小豆子、脫線先生，都沒事

452
00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:00,853
那傻大貓呢？

453
00:17:00,936 --> 00:17:02,730
千萬別當卡通裡的貓，老路

454
00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:04,023
千萬不要

455
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,740
這個鐵樑一定有個支點

456
00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:13,782
能讓我把它穩住

457
00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:15,409
快想啊，麗莎，快想想

458
00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:27,046
連續上壘

459
00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:30,257
小子，我不是告訴過你

460
00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:32,634
乖乖在家裡坐好嗎？

461
00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:34,511
我以為你在跟那隻狗說話

462
00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:35,804
我們又沒養狗

463
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,723
那是誰一直在我房間大便？

464
00:17:37,806 --> 00:17:39,641
教授，他怎麼可能

465
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,769
拿到比我高的分數？

466
00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:46,148
好，麗莎，我會幫你多加十分

467
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:48,442
因為你擁有最重要的一項技能

468
00:17:48,525 --> 00:17:51,403
發現了我的測驗的嚴重問題

469
00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:52,613
卻沒有告訴任何人

470
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:54,948
你是說，經過了這一切

471
00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:56,575
在我歷經千辛萬苦後

472
00:17:56,658 --> 00:17:58,577
你只打算捏造我的分數

473
00:17:58,660 --> 00:17:59,870
而我還得感到開心？

474
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,247
畢竟我就是靠這樣才進入…

475
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,249
我不能說

476
00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:05,667
排名最低的常春藤名校

477
00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:07,294
老天啊，救救我吧，是康乃爾！

478
00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:08,712
是康乃爾大學！天啊！

479
00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:10,672
沒事的，你很好　　　　哎呦喂

480
00:18:11,131 --> 00:18:13,092
好了，荷馬，做好準備

481
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:14,885
因為你的字跡的工整程度

482
00:18:14,968 --> 00:18:16,929
肯定會大大進步，毫無極限

483
00:18:17,012 --> 00:18:18,013
瑪姬，我不確定

484
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,265
老狗是變不出新把戲的

485
00:18:23,727 --> 00:18:24,812
我會幫你

486
00:18:30,025 --> 00:18:32,319
麗莎，把懷舊金曲電台關了！

487
00:18:45,332 --> 00:18:47,960
（真、美、自尊、Ｉ在Ｅ前除了Ｃ）

488
00:18:48,043 --> 00:18:49,211
（小心安全、艾瑞克埃斯特拉達）

489
00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:50,212
（約翰漢考克、可口可樂）

490
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:51,255
（耶布耶穌基督紳士）

491
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:52,506
（耶穌）

492
00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:56,802
（給瑪姬）

493
00:18:57,761 --> 00:18:58,929
親愛的瑪嬌莉

494
00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:01,682
有什麼字詞足以形容你的美麗？

495
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:03,350
例如，一顆保齡球

496
00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:04,935
剛完成拋光

497
00:19:06,186 --> 00:19:07,604
我一直夢想著

498
00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:10,315
荷馬會用草體字寫情書給我

499
00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:15,904
（給瑪姬）

500
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:18,615
你的姊妹們有多醜陋

501
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:20,742
你就有多美

502
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:30,794
荷馬

503
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,797
我的丈夫是一位作家

504
00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:35,591
真的

505
00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:38,427
（波本酒）

506
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:45,017
歡迎各位

507
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:47,060
你們是受選之人

508
00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:49,062
被選為我的奴隸

509
00:19:49,396 --> 00:19:51,148
我才不當奴隸

510
00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:52,733
你的想法不重要

511
00:19:52,816 --> 00:19:55,277
門都已經封閉了　　　　這扇可沒有

512
00:19:56,445 --> 00:19:59,156
等等…你們還沒聽我說退休計畫的事

513
00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:00,449
沒有退休計畫

514
00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:02,784
沒關係，我不需要他們

515
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:03,952
我不需要任何人

516
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:11,210
幹嘛叫我回去拿你的拖鞋？

517
00:20:11,793 --> 00:20:13,503
你怎麼能這麼快就背叛我？