1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,004 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:08,216 --> 00:00:11,219 The bidding stands at eight million dollars. 3 00:00:11,302 --> 00:00:12,262 Nine million. 4 00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:13,388 Ten million. 5 00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:14,389 11 million! 6 00:00:14,472 --> 00:00:17,058 $15 million. 7 00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:19,561 Joan Miró's The Poetess, 8 00:00:19,644 --> 00:00:22,522 going once, going twice, sold. 9 00:00:22,605 --> 00:00:25,233 To billionaire tech mogul Megan Matheson. 10 00:00:25,316 --> 00:00:27,235 -Hmph. -(shudders) 11 00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:29,529 (groans) 12 00:00:29,612 --> 00:00:31,364 LISA: Mmm. 13 00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:33,324 (Homer growls) 14 00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:35,827 Don't take that painting, I love it! 15 00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:38,371 I won't let you take it! 16 00:01:03,271 --> 00:01:05,356 There you have it, Ms. Matheson, 17 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:09,277 Joan Miró's The Poetess. 18 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:10,528 (gasps) 19 00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,447 My painting's been stolen. 20 00:01:12,530 --> 00:01:14,240 That's impossible. 21 00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:18,036 It's a mystery so baffling, only one man can solve it. 22 00:01:18,119 --> 00:01:20,747 Get me Manacek. 23 00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:22,749 (ringing) 24 00:01:22,832 --> 00:01:24,667 (Banacek theme song playing) 25 00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:50,276 ♪ ♪ 26 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:21,224 ♪ ♪ 27 00:02:30,024 --> 00:02:32,610 Thank goodness you're here, Mr. Manacek. 28 00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:34,821 You're the best freelance insurance investigator 29 00:02:34,904 --> 00:02:36,614 in the business. 30 00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:38,116 Oh, well, isn't that just what we need? 31 00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:42,120 Some smug pretty boy out to make us cops look stupid. 32 00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:44,831 Ah, Clancy, you're looking well... 33 00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:46,833 -fed. -Uh-- see? 34 00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:50,003 He put that pause between those two words deliberately. 35 00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:53,298 Maybe I did, maybe I... didn't. 36 00:02:53,381 --> 00:02:56,467 Well, two can play at that... 37 00:02:58,553 --> 00:02:59,971 ...pause. 38 00:03:00,054 --> 00:03:02,015 Three people bid on the stolen painting: 39 00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:03,683 nuclear magnate Mr. Burns, 40 00:03:03,766 --> 00:03:05,518 venture capitalist Megan Matheson 41 00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:07,729 and mini golf cheat Homer Simpson. 42 00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:09,147 They're all suspects. 43 00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:10,732 I don't mind telling you, Manacek: 44 00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:13,067 I hope you fall flat on your face. 45 00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:14,319 (chuckling): Oh. 46 00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:15,528 I hope not. 47 00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:17,197 My mother's rather fond of it. 48 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:18,823 Damn your wit. 49 00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:20,909 ♪ ♪ 50 00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:39,844 (sighs) Look, Manacek, I don't know why you're talking to me. 51 00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:42,555 It's my painting that was stolen. 52 00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:45,558 Yes, but you insured a $15 million painting 53 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,560 for $30 million. 54 00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:50,772 For a woman with a head for numbers, it doesn't add up. 55 00:03:50,855 --> 00:03:52,899 You smug son of a bitch. 56 00:03:52,982 --> 00:03:54,400 (laughs) 57 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,236 I like you, Manacek. 58 00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:59,113 But you should be talking to the real painting thief: 59 00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:02,700 the man I outbid, Montgomery Burns. 60 00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:05,578 That's quite a workout you're getting. 61 00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:07,914 Although, I can think of a better one. 62 00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:10,458 Sorry, but I'm in a committed relationship 63 00:04:10,541 --> 00:04:12,585 with the former Miss Denmark. 64 00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:15,964 She's created a breed of mosquito that cures malaria. 65 00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:19,717 Well, if she invents a cure for commitment, let me know. 66 00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:21,803 ♪ ♪ 67 00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:28,893 Pull. 68 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,478 Shoot. 69 00:04:30,561 --> 00:04:32,272 Nice shot, Mr. Burns. 70 00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:35,275 You're a natural in the ancient art of skeet. 71 00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:37,568 Oh, spare me your flattery, Manacek. 72 00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:39,070 I know why you're here. 73 00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:40,822 You think I stole that ridiculous painting. 74 00:04:40,905 --> 00:04:42,073 Absurd. 75 00:04:42,156 --> 00:04:45,076 A little clay pigeon told me 76 00:04:45,159 --> 00:04:48,997 that you couldn't stand being outbid by... a woman. 77 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:52,500 Pull, pull, pull! 78 00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:56,963 Looks like the only thing being hit around here... 79 00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:58,631 is a nerve. 80 00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:01,467 I'll blast that smile right off your smug face. 81 00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:02,844 (laughs) 82 00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:04,637 I like you, Manacek. 83 00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:06,806 But it's obvious who took the painting. 84 00:05:06,889 --> 00:05:08,850 That lunatic who said he'd do anything to have it: 85 00:05:08,933 --> 00:05:11,644 Homer Simpson. 86 00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:13,771 I... Did you bring that with you? 87 00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:15,356 It's inflatable. 88 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,442 I got it at Brookstone. 89 00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:20,278 ♪ ♪ 90 00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:30,997 I don't know what help I can be with your case, Mr. Manacek. 91 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,666 As you can see, I'm a very busy man. 92 00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:37,378 (imitating beeping sounds) 93 00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:40,465 According to my sources-- Lenny-- 94 00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:41,841 you were obsessed with that painting. 95 00:05:41,924 --> 00:05:43,384 I myself was once obsessed 96 00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:45,678 with a suede sports jacket with leather pockets. 97 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,513 I would have done anything to get it. 98 00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:49,223 Even steal a painting. 99 00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:52,226 Me? Obsessed with some stupid painting? 100 00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:54,020 That's absurd. 101 00:05:54,103 --> 00:05:55,355 (yelps) 102 00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:57,315 -Is it? -You're right. 103 00:05:57,398 --> 00:05:59,025 I'd do anything to have that painting. 104 00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:01,152 Lie, kill, steal. Well, not kill. 105 00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:03,154 But I would steal it, and then lie about it. 106 00:06:03,237 --> 00:06:04,238 But I didn't steal it. 107 00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:05,365 And I'm not lying. 108 00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:06,741 Believe me, or I'll kill you. 109 00:06:06,824 --> 00:06:08,201 (chuckles) 110 00:06:08,284 --> 00:06:09,869 I like you, Manacek. 111 00:06:09,952 --> 00:06:10,995 I'll kill you! 112 00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:12,205 (chuckles) 113 00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:13,623 I like you. 114 00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:15,833 Mr. Simpson, there's more to your story 115 00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:17,502 than you're letting on. 116 00:06:17,585 --> 00:06:19,462 And I'm gonna find out what. 117 00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:21,381 Please don't. 118 00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:23,049 (classical music playing) 119 00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:27,553 (doorbell rings) 120 00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,347 Wow. 121 00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:32,725 The pizza delivery boys get better looking all the time. 122 00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:35,353 I'm Homer Simpson's wife. 123 00:06:35,436 --> 00:06:38,064 I love wives. They never pester you to marry them. 124 00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:40,400 Geez, you've got a lot of lines. 125 00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:44,404 You will too, after I show you my corduroy sheets. 126 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:46,739 Mr. Manacek, my husband is a wreck. 127 00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:50,868 Please, just give me a chance to convince you he's innocent. 128 00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:52,412 Only if it's over dinner. 129 00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:54,497 Uh, okay. 130 00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:56,874 More Frito pie, Mr. Manacek? 131 00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:58,084 (sighs) 132 00:06:58,167 --> 00:07:00,169 Sure, why not? 133 00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:08,845 If he's not guilty of stealing that painting, 134 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,680 why is Homer cowering on the stairs, 135 00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:13,391 eating cereal straight from the box? 136 00:07:14,725 --> 00:07:17,019 (whimpering) 137 00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,188 Well, Homer's so quick to panic. 138 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,731 It's his only flaw. 139 00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:23,276 Marge, I need you to be straight with me. 140 00:07:23,359 --> 00:07:25,820 Okay, I admit it, he has many flaws. 141 00:07:25,903 --> 00:07:27,155 Thousands. Flaws. 142 00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:28,948 Everywhere, flaws. 143 00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:31,325 Your husband doesn't really seem like a typical art lover, 144 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:33,411 but he shows exquisite taste 145 00:07:33,494 --> 00:07:36,497 in the female form. 146 00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:38,666 Hey, Front Pockets, quit hitting on my mom. 147 00:07:38,749 --> 00:07:42,837 She only loves one stocky man in tight pants: our dad. 148 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:44,839 Sorry, I can only solve impossible crimes 149 00:07:44,922 --> 00:07:46,549 if I'm seducing an amazing woman. 150 00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:48,301 It's my process. 151 00:07:48,384 --> 00:07:50,011 I'll tell you everything I know about Homer 152 00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:51,679 for one of those Tiparillos. 153 00:07:51,762 --> 00:07:53,181 No Tiparillos. 154 00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:54,849 BOTH: (scoffs) Women. 155 00:07:54,932 --> 00:07:56,017 (chuckles) 156 00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:57,393 I like you, Manacek. 157 00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,061 So let me clue you in on the real story 158 00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:00,813 about my dad and that painting. 159 00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:03,566 Homer was chaperoning my class field trip to the art museum, 160 00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:06,402 and he was not happy about it. 161 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:07,737 Come on, come on. Hurry up in there. 162 00:08:07,820 --> 00:08:09,322 Three to a urinal. 163 00:08:09,405 --> 00:08:12,158 No hand washing, or we'll be late for lunch. 164 00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:13,367 (groans) 165 00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:14,702 Hmm? 166 00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:17,163 HOMER: Sheesh, look at that stupid painting. 167 00:08:17,246 --> 00:08:18,748 What is it even supposed to be? 168 00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:20,416 Art should be of pretty ladies, 169 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,919 hunting dogs with dead rabbits, Bible crap 170 00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:24,504 and 3-D sidewalk drawings 171 00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:26,214 where it looks like you could fall in. 172 00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:28,299 ♪ ♪ 173 00:08:41,437 --> 00:08:43,814 (whirring) 174 00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:49,111 HOMER: I get it. 175 00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:51,405 I... get... it. 176 00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:54,575 Mr. Simpson, some of the kids went to the gift shop. 177 00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:56,911 We were only supposed to bring five dollars, 178 00:08:56,994 --> 00:08:58,579 but some brought more. 179 00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,248 Wha-Wha... What? 180 00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:02,583 Oh, right. Chaperone. 181 00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:06,671 Hmm... mmm? 182 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,929 This is warm beer. 183 00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:16,931 That's an '07 Michelob. 184 00:09:17,014 --> 00:09:19,433 Homer was saving it for a special occasion. 185 00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:24,105 Mmm. Yes. 186 00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:27,608 My husband just couldn't stop thinking about that painting. 187 00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:29,610 ♪ ♪ 188 00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:31,696 (laughing) 189 00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:39,078 (giggles) 190 00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:42,582 (belches) 191 00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:46,210 (humming) 192 00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:51,048 (exhales) 193 00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:54,302 Wha...? Honey, 194 00:09:54,385 --> 00:09:56,345 I love a painting. 195 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,598 Oh, what is it of? Grapes? 196 00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:00,933 -No. -Flowers? 197 00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:02,310 -No. -Peaches? 198 00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:03,894 No. 199 00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:05,438 You sure it's a painting? 200 00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:08,190 I'm positive. I touched it when no one was looking. 201 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:10,651 Well, there's nothing wrong with being an art lover 202 00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:12,820 as long as it's representational. 203 00:10:12,903 --> 00:10:13,988 Mmm... 204 00:10:14,071 --> 00:10:16,616 It is representational, isn't it? 205 00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:19,869 -(groans) -Tell me it's representational. 206 00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:22,872 -(groans) -What else about our marriage is a lie? 207 00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:25,166 Are you really a licensed DJ? 208 00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:27,251 I took the courses, but I failed the test! 209 00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:31,464 A blue-collar Joe suddenly likes modern art? 210 00:10:31,547 --> 00:10:33,674 That story and two bits will get you a cup of coffee. 211 00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:35,676 What year do you think it is? 212 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,386 Hey, who's the shamus here? 213 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,138 I'm telling you, deep down, 214 00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:41,390 my dad is really sensitive. 215 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,184 -(honks saxophone) -(screams) 216 00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:45,186 (panting) 217 00:10:45,269 --> 00:10:46,812 Oh, good, you're awake. 218 00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:49,732 You're the only one I can talk to about... this. 219 00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:51,233 I know that painting. 220 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:54,195 It's called The Poetess by Joan Miró. 221 00:10:54,278 --> 00:10:56,864 Why does it bring me such peace? 222 00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:58,658 Why?! 223 00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:00,993 See? Even though the painting is abstract, 224 00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:03,663 that yellow circle can represent the sun. 225 00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:06,290 HOMER: Or Pac-Man at rest. 226 00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:09,502 Dad, you think art sucks. Snap out of it. 227 00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:14,548 HOMER: Wow. I mean, wow. 228 00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:16,592 Every time I look at it from a different angle, 229 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:19,178 -I see something new. -(groans) 230 00:11:20,888 --> 00:11:22,139 I just want to take a moment 231 00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:24,016 to acknowledge that for the first time, 232 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,769 you're dragging me into the museum. 233 00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:29,230 Yeah, it's a topsy-turvy world. 234 00:11:29,313 --> 00:11:32,149 Beach volleyball's bigger than regular volleyball. 235 00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:37,029 Sorry, pally. Sorry, gally. 236 00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,240 But the museum's closed down for good. 237 00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:41,283 -(gasps) -(gasps) Can we go in and look 238 00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,285 at our favorite painting one last time? 239 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:44,995 It's called The Poetess. 240 00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:46,956 Oh, it's right there, inside the crate 241 00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:48,457 that's going to the auction house, 242 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:49,917 where a billionaire will buy it 243 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,585 and you'll never see it again. 244 00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:53,838 Oh, and I'll have to take that, too. 245 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,425 (Homer whimpers) 246 00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:59,552 Now museum, now you don't. 247 00:11:59,635 --> 00:12:01,429 The Springfield Museum of Fine Art 248 00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:03,806 is the latest victim of this city's budget woes. 249 00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:06,600 The storied institution has closed its doors forever. 250 00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:09,061 Its legendary art collection will be sold at auction 251 00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:11,439 and its docents released into the wild. 252 00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:12,940 The closure is being protested 253 00:12:13,023 --> 00:12:14,483 by a coalition of local art lovers 254 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,444 and homeless bathroom users. 255 00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:18,279 (chanting): Picasso, Goya, 256 00:12:18,362 --> 00:12:20,156 Cézanne, Dalí, 257 00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:21,907 selling off artwork 258 00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:23,492 would be folly. 259 00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:24,910 (all cheer) 260 00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:28,414 We're here, Vermeer, get used to it! 261 00:12:28,497 --> 00:12:30,666 People, people. Government is about 262 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,626 making tough choices. 263 00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:34,462 This was not one of them. 264 00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:36,589 Museum attendance was near zero. 265 00:12:36,672 --> 00:12:39,091 We lost thousands on stolen audio wands. 266 00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:42,178 What do people want with wands? 267 00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:44,638 These wands 268 00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:46,474 are putting the hurt on these walnuts. 269 00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:49,351 MAN (over wand): Notice how Edward Hopper's use of windows 270 00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,520 invites the viewer into the scene 271 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,272 but also keeps them at bay. 272 00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:54,857 -(wand chimes) -(grunts) 273 00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:55,983 But Mayor Quimby, 274 00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:57,651 the Springfield Museum of Fine Art, 275 00:12:57,735 --> 00:12:59,612 or SMOFA, was a jewel. 276 00:12:59,695 --> 00:13:02,615 SMOFA was the one institution of genuine culture 277 00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:04,283 our town could be proud of. 278 00:13:04,366 --> 00:13:05,826 Stop saying SMOFA. 279 00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:07,286 It never caught on. 280 00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:08,871 Um, excuse me, Mayor SMOFA. 281 00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:10,956 I'm not like these brainy tote bags over here. 282 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,793 I like my crusts stuffed, my martial arts mixed, 283 00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:16,170 and my movies fully Sandler-ed. 284 00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:18,506 But there's this painting from that museum, 285 00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:20,132 and when I really look at it, 286 00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:22,718 only one word explains what I feel. 287 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,012 -What is it again? -(whispers) 288 00:13:25,095 --> 00:13:27,848 -Transgender. -(whispers) 289 00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:29,809 Transcendent. 290 00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:31,852 Transcendence doesn't fill potholes 291 00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:33,229 or educate our children. 292 00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:34,897 Did you know we had to lay off 293 00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:36,732 a third of the police force? 294 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,692 That's right. Eddie. 295 00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:41,320 I used to have a gun. 296 00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:43,239 (grunts) 297 00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:47,660 Fine, sell the artwork. 298 00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:49,912 Let's move on to the next protest: 299 00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:53,666 too many poke restaurants. 300 00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:55,584 (chanting): Poke is just okay. 301 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:58,337 Poke is just okay. 302 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:02,049 At Water's Edge by Paul Cézanne, 303 00:14:02,132 --> 00:14:05,052 sold for $65 million. 304 00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:08,389 Yeah! I'm as happy as Steve Martin. 305 00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:11,976 It's... Oh, God, no. 306 00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:16,730 Our last item is The Poetess by Joan Miró. 307 00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:19,608 The bidding starts at five million dollars. 308 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,193 HOMER: I bid that. 309 00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:24,238 -What are you doing? -I have a plan to get the painting. 310 00:14:24,321 --> 00:14:25,906 Six million dollars. 311 00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:28,325 WOMAN: I think we can do better than that. 312 00:14:29,493 --> 00:14:30,786 I need this painting 313 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,955 for my private monkey sanctuary in Costa Rica. 314 00:14:33,038 --> 00:14:36,417 The monkeys find the colors quite arousing. 315 00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,210 Seven million dollars. 316 00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:40,129 -Eight million. -Nine million. 317 00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:42,631 Sir, we attempted to verify your funds 318 00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,258 at the First Bank of Moe's. 319 00:14:44,341 --> 00:14:47,052 The man at the phone threatened to boil our skulls 320 00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:48,387 and make them into... 321 00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:50,514 (inhales) ...rat toilets. 322 00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:54,101 -(groans) -It's okay, Dad. 323 00:14:54,184 --> 00:14:56,270 You just really loved that painting. 324 00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:59,356 The bidding stands at eight million dollars. 325 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,400 -Nine million. -Ten million. 326 00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:02,401 11 million. 327 00:15:02,484 --> 00:15:05,112 $15 million. 328 00:15:05,195 --> 00:15:07,615 Joan Miró's The Poetess, 329 00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:10,451 going once, going twice, sold. 330 00:15:10,534 --> 00:15:13,287 To billionaire tech mogul Megan Matheson. 331 00:15:13,370 --> 00:15:15,289 -Hmph. -(shudders) 332 00:15:15,372 --> 00:15:17,583 (groans) 333 00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:19,126 LISA: Mmm. 334 00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:21,128 (Homer growls) 335 00:15:21,211 --> 00:15:23,631 Don't take that painting, I love it! 336 00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:26,342 I won't let you take it! 337 00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:27,968 Your story had everything-- 338 00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:30,804 a field trip, a dream sequence, Sideshow Mel-- 339 00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:33,599 and it gave your father the perfect motive 340 00:15:33,682 --> 00:15:35,017 to steal that painting: 341 00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,311 a deeper connection to his daughter. 342 00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:39,855 Well, maybe, but I'm sure he's innocent. 343 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,358 Mom, Lisa, 1970s horndog, 344 00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:43,692 Dad's run off. 345 00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:45,402 He's on the lam! 346 00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:47,863 You know, once I send your husband to prison, 347 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,449 you'll be kind of single. 348 00:15:50,532 --> 00:15:52,451 (chuckles) 349 00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:54,036 (soft grumbling) 350 00:15:56,455 --> 00:16:00,334 MANACEK: It seems Homer escaped out this window. 351 00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:02,169 Hmm. 352 00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:04,296 In all my years as an investigator, 353 00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:06,924 I've never seen a trellis take such a pounding. 354 00:16:07,007 --> 00:16:08,342 I know it looks bad, 355 00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:10,135 but think about what we told you. 356 00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:13,514 My husband could never have stolen that painting. 357 00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:15,182 Hmm. Thank you, Marge. 358 00:16:15,265 --> 00:16:17,685 I now know exactly how everything happened. 359 00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:19,103 How do you know that? 360 00:16:19,186 --> 00:16:20,646 I'll be happy to explain... 361 00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:22,356 over breakfast? 362 00:16:22,439 --> 00:16:25,234 (grumbles) You have a real problem with women. 363 00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:28,153 I know. I'm seeing a therapist... 364 00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:30,531 tonight at my place. 365 00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:33,200 Oh, get out. Go, go! 366 00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:38,998 (sighs) 367 00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:41,834 White chocolate-- the loneliest chocolate. 368 00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:44,336 MANACEK: Homer, I know you're in there. 369 00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:46,005 (gasps) How did you find me? 370 00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:48,048 I knew you'd return to the scene of the crime: 371 00:16:48,132 --> 00:16:50,092 where your inner peace was stolen. 372 00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:52,052 You can't bring me in. You're not a cop. 373 00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:54,513 You're not even a regular insurance investigator. 374 00:16:54,596 --> 00:16:56,348 You're freelance. You don't get paid 375 00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:57,975 unless you submit an invoice. 376 00:16:58,058 --> 00:17:01,395 Which lets me control when my corporate year ends. 377 00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:03,605 You're always one step ahead. 378 00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,107 (laughs) 379 00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:07,401 I don't like you, Manacek. 380 00:17:07,484 --> 00:17:09,445 Your family's story of how you fell in love 381 00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:11,488 with that painting did prove your innocence. 382 00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:14,074 -How? -By providing one crucial fact: 383 00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:15,826 you're too dumb to steal anything. 384 00:17:15,909 --> 00:17:17,244 Maybe I did take it. 385 00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:19,747 -Trust me, you didn't. -I could have. 386 00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,957 But I know you didn't. That's what I'm saying. 387 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,209 -I'm smart. -You're dumb. 388 00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:27,838 After careful consideration of facts and evidence 389 00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:29,256 observed only by me, 390 00:17:29,339 --> 00:17:31,675 I can reveal who stole The Poetess: 391 00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:33,177 Ms. Matheson. 392 00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:34,261 (all gasp) 393 00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:36,263 Your last IPO was DOA, 394 00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:38,265 and you needed the cash to keep your girlfriend 395 00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:39,892 in hybrid mosquito larva. 396 00:17:39,975 --> 00:17:41,894 I've seen it a thousand times. 397 00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:43,604 Impossible! The armed guards 398 00:17:43,687 --> 00:17:45,606 never let the painting out of their sight. 399 00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:49,443 But which armed guards? 400 00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:52,529 It was a simple matter of finding 401 00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:54,073 the guards' identical twins, 402 00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:56,909 then hiring them to rob their own brothers. 403 00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:00,287 That's the last impossible mystery 404 00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:03,248 you'll ever solve. 405 00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:05,375 Well done, Mr. Manacek. 406 00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:06,960 Who would have suspected 407 00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:09,254 it was the person none of us had ever met before? 408 00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:11,799 Yes, it's a shame she went through all that trouble 409 00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:13,133 to steal a painting... 410 00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:15,135 that had already been stolen... 411 00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:17,262 by you. 412 00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:19,223 Uh, not yet, sir. 413 00:18:19,306 --> 00:18:22,434 I mean, how dare you accuse me of such a crime? 414 00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:24,311 But the painting was safely in our vault 415 00:18:24,394 --> 00:18:26,480 until it left the auction house. 416 00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:29,608 But which auction house? 417 00:18:29,691 --> 00:18:31,401 It was a simple matter 418 00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:33,821 of Burns building an identical auction house 419 00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:35,489 next door to the real one. 420 00:18:35,572 --> 00:18:37,407 The actual painting never left the vault, 421 00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:40,828 so Burns could steal it at his leisure. 422 00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:43,163 -Now? -Yes, sir. 423 00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:52,422 (gasps) My painting! 424 00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:55,092 Oh, thank goodness those thieves didn't get you. 425 00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:58,512 It's a shame I punched out a woman and an old man over... 426 00:18:58,595 --> 00:19:00,597 a gift shop tote bag. 427 00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:02,599 (all gasp) 428 00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:03,767 Lisa? 429 00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:07,187 (sighs) It wasn't my plan to steal it. 430 00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:11,275 That painting was the first thing 431 00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:13,610 my dad and I ever had in common. 432 00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:16,363 I couldn't bear to see him lose it. 433 00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:18,949 It was a simple matter 434 00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:21,493 of switching my canvas tote bag for the painting 435 00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:24,454 before it was even auctioned off. 436 00:19:25,372 --> 00:19:27,166 I knew it was wrong, 437 00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:28,834 but isn't it a worse crime 438 00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:30,294 to let some billionaire 439 00:19:30,377 --> 00:19:32,045 hide art away 440 00:19:32,129 --> 00:19:35,465 where guys like my dad can never fall in love with it? 441 00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:42,055 So, who gets The Poetess now? 442 00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:43,724 Ten million dollars. 443 00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:46,059 Ownership of the painting reverts back to the city. 444 00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:47,561 But where will we hang it? 445 00:19:47,644 --> 00:19:49,563 We're knocking down the art museum. 446 00:19:49,646 --> 00:19:51,565 And what are you doing with the money Springfield got 447 00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:53,066 from selling all the public's art? 448 00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:55,235 Well, uh, we're, uh, building 449 00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:58,030 certain vitally needed civic improvements. 450 00:20:01,491 --> 00:20:03,660 Everything I love in one place. 451 00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:05,829 Beer. Hot dog. 452 00:20:05,913 --> 00:20:09,166 Bathroom. Painting. Daughter. 453 00:20:09,249 --> 00:20:10,751 Marge, you're a beautiful woman, 454 00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:12,336 but you're loyal to your husband. 455 00:20:12,419 --> 00:20:13,921 And I respect that. 456 00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:17,257 But if things were different, would I have a shot? 457 00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:19,927 You are the most conceited, 458 00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:22,221 chauvinistic, son of a... 459 00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:25,307 (chuckles) I like you, Manacek. 460 00:20:29,102 --> 00:20:31,104 (Banacek theme song playing) 461 00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,406 (Banacek theme song playing) 462 00:21:19,069 --> 00:21:21,071 Shh! 463 00:21:24,032 --> 00:21:25,993 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH