1 00:00:02,627 --> 00:00:04,629 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:09,259 ♪ Your face ♪ 3 00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:13,263 ♪ Is like a song ♪ 4 00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:15,306 ♪ Your sweet eyes whisper ♪ 5 00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:18,309 ♪ And I want to sing along ♪ 6 00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:20,854 ♪ Your features ♪ 7 00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:24,941 ♪ Are in tune ♪ 8 00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,526 ♪ Let's sing together ♪ 9 00:00:26,609 --> 00:00:29,654 ♪ And turn every month to June ♪ 10 00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:33,158 ♪ Your face hums ♪ 11 00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:35,827 ♪ Makes me a happy fella ♪ 12 00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:38,830 ♪ No more ♪ 13 00:00:38,913 --> 00:00:41,624 ♪ Singin' a capella ♪ 14 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,835 ♪ No ♪ 15 00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:47,047 ♪ Longer lonely ♪ 16 00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:49,049 ♪ ♪ 17 00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:51,926 ♪ Lovin' you only ♪ 18 00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:57,891 ♪ Your lips ♪ 19 00:00:57,974 --> 00:01:01,811 ♪ With mine will rhyme ♪ 20 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,813 ♪ And when they touch me ♪ 21 00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:06,858 ♪ It's a symphony divine ♪ 22 00:01:06,941 --> 00:01:09,152 ♪ Your cheeks ♪ 23 00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:13,323 ♪ Your ears, your hair ♪ 24 00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:15,241 ♪ Weave me a melody ♪ 25 00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:18,536 ♪ A melody so rare ♪ 26 00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:21,998 ♪ Your face hums ♪ 27 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,417 ♪ Makes me a happy fella ♪ 28 00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:27,587 ♪ No more ♪ 29 00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:30,340 ♪ Singin' a capella ♪ 30 00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:32,342 ♪ No ♪ 31 00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:35,845 ♪ Longer lonely ♪ 32 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:42,143 ♪ Lovin' you only ♪ 33 00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:51,152 ♪ ♪ 34 00:01:58,368 --> 00:02:00,245 Okay, movie's over. 35 00:02:00,328 --> 00:02:02,330 The superheroes are friends again. Let's get out of here. 36 00:02:02,413 --> 00:02:04,916 We can't leave before the post-credits sequence. 37 00:02:04,999 --> 00:02:08,837 Why does Jeremy Renner need two assistants? 38 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:11,256 Shh. Here comes the sequence. 39 00:02:11,339 --> 00:02:14,217 The Avengers were too strong for us, my Lord. 40 00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:20,473 -(Bart and Lisa gasp) -What? Who's that? 41 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,433 That's Spider-Man's Uncle Ben. 42 00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:25,145 He was alive the whole time. 43 00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:26,604 And evil. 44 00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:30,483 With great power, comes no responsibility. 45 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:33,486 (evil laugh) 46 00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:34,863 Finally. 47 00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:36,614 What? You saw it. 48 00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:39,909 That was a mid-credit scene. There's more. 49 00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:43,705 Who the hell are you? 50 00:02:43,788 --> 00:02:45,373 I'm assembling a team of the best 51 00:02:45,456 --> 00:02:47,041 team assemblers in the world. 52 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:51,212 And I want you to help me put together that team. 53 00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:53,798 Assemblers assemble! 54 00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:55,884 ♪ ♪ 55 00:02:58,469 --> 00:03:02,056 (grunting): Time. To. Go. 56 00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:03,850 But there's two more credit sequences. 57 00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:06,019 When I was a kid, movies ended when they ended. 58 00:03:06,102 --> 00:03:07,854 The only reason you stayed for the credits 59 00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:09,814 was to see who sang "The Power of Love." 60 00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:11,858 And it was usually Huey Lewis. 61 00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:14,068 I liked the first post-credit sequence the best. 62 00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:15,737 I liked the fifth. 63 00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:17,363 Pipe down. I'm trying to listen 64 00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:19,365 to preseason minor league baseball. 65 00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:20,909 ANNOUNCER: And with the last 66 00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:22,410 of the Isotopes pitchers 67 00:03:22,493 --> 00:03:25,371 receiving Tommy John surgery on the mound, 68 00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,540 that's the ball game. Good night, everybody. 69 00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:29,667 (horns honking) 70 00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:32,128 Stupid baseball traffic. 71 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,214 I'm taking a shortcut home. 72 00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:37,133 (whoops) 73 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:41,054 Kids, look. We used to live here before we were married. 74 00:03:41,137 --> 00:03:43,223 It's the old Beef Rendering District. 75 00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:45,767 Ah, yes, Tallow-town. 76 00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:47,310 At the end of every factory tour, 77 00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:49,479 they gave you a free glass of blood. 78 00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:51,940 Huh, it's really gentrified. 79 00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:54,734 Oh, a store where you grind and flavor 80 00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:57,028 your own house-made toothpaste. 81 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,574 Ooh. (smacks lips) Mmm. Terrible. 82 00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:04,160 (gasps) There's our old building. Look. 83 00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:08,706 Our fifth floor walk-up apartment. 84 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:12,669 (laughs) Dad, you walked up five floors every day? 85 00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,545 No. I took the elevator 86 00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:16,172 to the top of the building next door, 87 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,424 then crawled across a plank to our roof. 88 00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:21,135 Hey! I pioneered that trail! 89 00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:23,304 Yeah, great. Thank you, Kit Carson. 90 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,932 Kids, you want to check out our old apartment? 91 00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:27,684 Huh? Huh? 92 00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:30,853 I can tell from your tone that we're going either way. 93 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,855 I have one tone. 94 00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:38,194 Hi. You don't know me, but I'm Marge Simpson. 95 00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,488 Oh, yeah, I recognize that name. 96 00:04:40,571 --> 00:04:42,448 In fact, we still get mail for you. 97 00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:43,783 MARGE: Mm. 98 00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:44,951 Ooh. 99 00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:46,619 (laughs) 100 00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:48,204 Aw. 101 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,497 Oh, thank God. 102 00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:52,792 A list of 101 new choking hazards. 103 00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:55,628 (gasps) Pacifiers? 104 00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:57,213 (Marge groans) 105 00:04:57,297 --> 00:05:00,008 (gasping) 106 00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:02,135 No! No. 107 00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:04,178 Maggie! (groans) 108 00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:05,638 Oh, here. 109 00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:06,848 So can I get you anything? 110 00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:08,182 Weed? Edibles? 111 00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:09,767 Pudding with a joint in the center? 112 00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:11,185 But we need you out by 7:00. 113 00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:13,021 We Airbnb this place every night 114 00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:14,981 while we stay at a cheaper Airbnb. 115 00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:17,191 Mmm. Disruptive. 116 00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:21,321 Before Homer and I got married, we had amazing times here. 117 00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:23,031 (chuckles) Yeah, right. 118 00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:25,366 Like you could possibly ever have fun without us. 119 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,201 It was a wonderful time. 120 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:29,829 -We were living the DINK life. -Dink? 121 00:05:29,912 --> 00:05:33,249 -DINK: dual income, no kids. -Oh, DINK. 122 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,543 How come you can say dink when you're talking about your jobs, 123 00:05:35,626 --> 00:05:38,838 but I can't say dink when I'm talking about my dingus. 124 00:05:38,921 --> 00:05:41,174 Before we had you, life was a breeze. 125 00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:43,009 We'd go to amusement parks without going 126 00:05:43,092 --> 00:05:44,844 on those stupid baby rides. 127 00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:47,180 Squeezing my butt into a little biplane 128 00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:49,182 that only goes four feet off the ground. 129 00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:52,602 Actually, Dad, it's supposed to go 12 feet off the ground. 130 00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:55,188 -D'oh! -It was a great life. 131 00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:56,856 We were swimming in DINKs. 132 00:05:56,939 --> 00:05:58,524 (laughs) 133 00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:01,861 See? That was the key to their happiness-- no kids. 134 00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:03,571 We've been talking about starting a family, 135 00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:05,365 but we're just not sure we're ready. 136 00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:07,909 We can't even agree on what to name our ferret. 137 00:06:07,992 --> 00:06:09,619 Yeah, we both like Caitlin, 138 00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:12,288 but we just, we can't agree on the spelling. 139 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,876 Well, we used to be just like you. 140 00:06:16,959 --> 00:06:20,088 Childless and partying every night. 141 00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:22,382 ("Swamp by Talking Heads plays) 142 00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:26,427 ♪ Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi ♪ 143 00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:29,055 ♪ Hi... ♪ 144 00:06:29,138 --> 00:06:31,474 Hey, check out who crashed the party: 145 00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:33,309 Kent Brockman. 146 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,937 Ooh, he does the animal adoption segment 147 00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:37,814 on Thursday mornings. 148 00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:39,899 Eh? Eh? 149 00:06:39,982 --> 00:06:41,401 (chuckling): Yes, the biggest problem with winning 150 00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,236 a local Humane Society Golden Pig Ear 151 00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:45,738 -is just staying humble. -(camera clicks) 152 00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:47,907 This celebrity sighting will be the lede 153 00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:50,743 for my gossip column, "Marge Madness." 154 00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:51,744 Hmm. 155 00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:53,621 Ow. What are you doing? 156 00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:55,498 There isn't even a dartboard. 157 00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:56,791 You're Marge Bouvier? 158 00:06:56,874 --> 00:06:58,418 Oh, I read your listings every week-- 159 00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:01,129 correct dates, very few typos, professional stuff. 160 00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:02,463 -Mm. -Just steer clear 161 00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:05,007 of pet shelters and fun runs, those are my beat. 162 00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:07,468 Mr. Brockman, you're hurting my arm. 163 00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:09,095 Oh, I'm sorry. 164 00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:12,140 I just care about soft news so much. 165 00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:14,684 HOMER: I had a job at a cutting-edge new company 166 00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:16,352 that would change the world. 167 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,938 Homer, next week we finally take our revolutionary 168 00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:20,606 teeth whitening strips to market. 169 00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:22,024 I couldn't have done it without you, man. 170 00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:24,152 Together, we make an amazing team. 171 00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:26,779 Me, with my advanced degrees in medicine, chemistry 172 00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:29,782 and business, and you, with your gentle good humor. 173 00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:31,617 (chuckles) I hear that. 174 00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:33,035 (laughs): I love it. 175 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,495 It's like I know you're not listening to me, 176 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:35,788 but I'm not mad at you. 177 00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:37,373 -I'm sorry, what? -Exactly. 178 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,792 Buddy, whatever I make, you get a piece of. 179 00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:42,962 I hear that. I mean, I really hear that. 180 00:07:44,922 --> 00:07:48,259 MARGE: Homer took me to the hippest spots in town. 181 00:07:48,342 --> 00:07:50,845 ♪ ♪ 182 00:07:50,928 --> 00:07:52,972 (whooping, whistling) 183 00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:04,192 Oh, Homie. 184 00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:07,653 This is the happiest I've ever been in my life. 185 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:09,155 Hold onto it, Marge. 186 00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:10,990 Hold on and never let go. 187 00:08:11,073 --> 00:08:13,034 -The moment? -No, the rail! 188 00:08:13,117 --> 00:08:14,660 (shouts) 189 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,746 ♪ ♪ 190 00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:24,086 (grunting) 191 00:08:30,384 --> 00:08:33,429 -Oh, quit resting. -(yelps) 192 00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:36,349 MARGE: We'd see classic movies whenever we wanted. 193 00:08:36,432 --> 00:08:37,767 ("The Time Has Come Today" by The Chambers Brothers plays) 194 00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:40,770 ♪ The time has come today ♪ 195 00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:42,271 ♪ ♪ 196 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:45,775 ♪ Young hearts can go their way ♪ 197 00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:49,946 ♪ Can't put it off another day ♪ 198 00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:53,950 ♪ I don't care what others say ♪ 199 00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:56,953 ♪ They say we don't listen, anyway ♪ 200 00:08:57,036 --> 00:09:00,373 ♪ The time has come today ♪ 201 00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:09,549 ♪ Time. ♪ 202 00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,467 (both moaning) 203 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,886 Hey, some of us are trying to enjoy the movie. 204 00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,513 No, none of us are. 205 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,977 At least I died before I'm 30! 206 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:25,481 Yes, he was 47 when he made this film. 207 00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:28,568 Did you two lovebirds-a know 208 00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,319 there's a meteor shower tonight? 209 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:33,447 Homie. We should drive to the desert and watch it. 210 00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:36,909 What about the kids? Oh, right, we have none. 211 00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:38,911 (chuckles) 212 00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:40,997 ♪ ♪ 213 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,670 BART: So why can't you do stuff like that now? 214 00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:49,005 Why do you think? 215 00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:50,923 It couldn't be me, Booze 'n' snooze. 216 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,508 Why you little... (grunts) 217 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:55,261 -(gags) -Marge! 218 00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:58,014 Pick up the narrative! (grunts) 219 00:09:58,097 --> 00:10:01,225 MARGE: We were having the time of our lives. 220 00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:05,104 (both laughing) 221 00:10:05,187 --> 00:10:07,523 (Homer laughs louder) 222 00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:13,613 HOMER: And then it came. 223 00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:15,031 Have some num-num. 224 00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:16,449 Who likes num-num? 225 00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:17,825 You like num-num? 226 00:10:17,908 --> 00:10:20,786 Oh, there's a meteor shower tonight. 227 00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:22,204 We'll do the next one. 228 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,957 It's in 187 years. 229 00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:27,168 Where are they coming from, outer space? 230 00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:28,544 Have some num-num. 231 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:31,213 Who likes num-num? You like num-num? 232 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:36,761 (sighs) Where did this beautiful man go? 233 00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:38,012 LISA: Dad, 234 00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:40,181 I know it was fun to be young and free, 235 00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:43,225 but how could you ever replace us? 236 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:46,187 Pool table, jukebox, and a vacation to Bermuda. 237 00:10:46,270 --> 00:10:47,980 Dad! Can you please get to the part 238 00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:50,858 where you reassure us how glad you are we're here? 239 00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:53,402 Hey, as long as I'm the pool table, I'm cool. 240 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:54,945 Sweetie, I treasure you. 241 00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:56,197 -(grumbles) -But before you kids, 242 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,699 I used to know the names of people in bands! 243 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:01,410 And not just the singer, but the guitar guy! 244 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:05,915 And baby Bart was the worst son of a bitch you could imagine. 245 00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:08,668 MARGE: We were the first of our friends to have a baby, 246 00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:10,711 so we got lots of attention. 247 00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:12,713 -Aw. -Aw. 248 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:15,675 Aw, hey, little man. Up high. 249 00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:17,426 Down low. Too slow. 250 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:18,803 (chuckles) 251 00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:21,430 ♪ ♪ 252 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:22,515 (chuckles): Again! 253 00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:24,642 All right. Up high. (chuckles) 254 00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:25,976 (yells) 255 00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:28,145 Oh! Ow! What was that?! 256 00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:30,106 Oh, that's tangelo! Come on! 257 00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:33,150 That's the most acidic of all the citrus fruits! 258 00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:36,320 I see now that even babies don't respect you. 259 00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:39,782 Were you planning on bringing this brat to board game night? 260 00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:41,158 Oh, sea salt! 261 00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:43,327 The biggest crystals of all! 262 00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:44,328 (groans loudly) 263 00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:45,871 We don't have a sitter. 264 00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,748 Invitation rescinded! 265 00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:50,459 HOMER: Next, baby Bart ruined my one shot at success, 266 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:53,170 my only fast pass to cash mountain. 267 00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:54,839 Yes, thank you. You won't be sorry. 268 00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:56,173 We're goin' places, Homer. 269 00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:57,883 Soon you'll be in a higher tax bracket. 270 00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:58,926 D'oh! 271 00:11:59,009 --> 00:12:00,553 (laughs) 272 00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:02,722 -(Bart grumbles) -What's that thing on your shoulder? 273 00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:04,473 Uh, my son. 274 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:05,933 You can't have a kid. 275 00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:08,352 But I have a kid. 276 00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:10,896 A kid indicates you took time away from me to conceive. 277 00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,690 It's like a virus. It starts spreading, 278 00:12:12,773 --> 00:12:14,692 and suddenly everyone's getting married 279 00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:15,818 when they should be working. 280 00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:17,278 Working. Always working. 281 00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:18,487 (inhales sharply) Ooh. 282 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,614 I have a difficult choice here. 283 00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:23,659 You chose me over money? (grunts) 284 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:26,203 Ooh! I deserved that. 285 00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:28,539 And that. Now he's worth ten billion dollars. 286 00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:31,083 I still have his phone number, but I've never called it. 287 00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:32,209 Well, why not? 288 00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:33,335 He loved you before. 289 00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:34,879 You're the same guy. 290 00:12:34,962 --> 00:12:35,963 Yeah! 291 00:12:36,046 --> 00:12:37,298 (phone beeping) 292 00:12:37,381 --> 00:12:38,424 ROSS: Homer Simpson? 293 00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:39,967 Buddy, is that you? 294 00:12:40,050 --> 00:12:42,344 I've been expecting this call for years. 295 00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:43,888 You remember me? 296 00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:46,640 Of course. I've been waiting to say something to you. 297 00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:47,808 Are you ready? 298 00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,143 I sure am. 299 00:12:49,226 --> 00:12:51,479 ROSS: Good-bye 300 00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:54,190 forever. 301 00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:57,526 Oh. 302 00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:02,448 Closure is supposed to be a good thing. 303 00:13:02,531 --> 00:13:04,074 Also, I'm afraid, a newborn 304 00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:06,786 and a journalism career did not mix. 305 00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:09,497 This is terrible! I wanted quotes from the swing set, 306 00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,123 not price quotes on swing sets. 307 00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:14,168 Party pics, not potty tips. 308 00:13:14,251 --> 00:13:15,961 Glitterati, not babysitterati. 309 00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:18,088 Are you getting my drift or should I throw you an oar? 310 00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:21,217 It's important for new parents to know this stuff. 311 00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:22,510 New parents? Eh. 312 00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:23,844 They're not the audience for the Leisure Section. 313 00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:25,179 All they care about are babies. 314 00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:26,972 Babies are boring. I'd rather talk about soccer. 315 00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:27,973 And I hate soccer! 316 00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:29,600 Marge, do you like bacon? 317 00:13:29,683 --> 00:13:30,810 Yes, ac... 318 00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:32,394 Well, you got one last chance to save yours. 319 00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:34,188 Get me a good nightlife story, or I'm replacing you 320 00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:36,816 with someone with a nightlife, Barbara Rellalinsky! 321 00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:39,360 I will get the scoop. 322 00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:41,028 MARGE: So, 323 00:13:41,111 --> 00:13:44,031 you've moved into painting giant schnozzes. 324 00:13:44,114 --> 00:13:46,492 Marge, the mouth has had its say. 325 00:13:46,575 --> 00:13:49,829 Now it's time to find out what the nose knows. 326 00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:52,331 That's a pull-quote, if ever I heard one. 327 00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:54,875 Pretty much everything I say is quotable. 328 00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:57,002 Well, not that. 329 00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:58,295 (crying) 330 00:13:58,379 --> 00:13:59,964 (quietly): What are you doing here? 331 00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:01,507 I'm so sorry, sweetie. 332 00:14:01,590 --> 00:14:03,050 I know it's my night to watch Bart, 333 00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:04,760 but he just won't stop fussing. 334 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,555 Did you try driving around to make him fall asleep? 335 00:14:07,638 --> 00:14:09,306 It only worked on me. 336 00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:12,518 ♪ ♪ 337 00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:14,687 -(tires screech) -(horn blows) 338 00:14:14,770 --> 00:14:17,940 Next stop: Somali Pirate Island. 339 00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:19,066 D'oh! 340 00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:21,151 ♪ ♪ 341 00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:25,030 (chuckles) Bunny! 342 00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:34,540 -(air hissing) -(gasping) 343 00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:37,459 It's not art anymore! 344 00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:40,004 It's a misshapen lump on the floor! 345 00:14:40,087 --> 00:14:42,715 Not like this masterpiece! 346 00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:47,136 Marge, this photo is dynamite! 347 00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:48,137 Thank you! 348 00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:49,471 Dynamite kills people! 349 00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,932 Thanks to your kid, we just lost all our art advertising, 350 00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:54,143 the art gallery and Art's Deli, which catered the event. 351 00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:56,145 You're fired! Turn in your press card and your fedora! 352 00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:57,938 And I'm gonna erase your name from this birthday card 353 00:14:58,022 --> 00:14:59,857 -we got for Doris. -(gasps) 354 00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:02,234 See? It's gone! She won't miss it. She never liked you. 355 00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:04,445 MARGE: But I still had the greatest job in the world, 356 00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:06,864 I thought: being a mom. 357 00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:09,074 ♪ ♪ 358 00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:12,995 Boy, if it wasn't for naptime, 359 00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:15,664 we'd have all been dead from the stress years ago. 360 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,750 -(clattering) -(toddlers crying) 361 00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:23,839 I didn't do it. 362 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,508 You are banned forever from Gymdandee; 363 00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:29,303 our sister shops, Swimdandee and Violindandee; 364 00:15:29,386 --> 00:15:31,513 and all other Kid Kennel enrichment centers 365 00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:32,681 and baby prisons. 366 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:34,433 (sighs heavily) 367 00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:36,185 Hey, Homer. 368 00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:37,853 Haven't seen you in a while. 369 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,355 I switched to donuts. 370 00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:40,856 (gasps) Oy. 371 00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,566 MARGE: Our dream life crumbling, 372 00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:45,361 Homie and I sought counseling at the church. 373 00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:46,862 (organ playing) 374 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:50,115 You were so very wise to bring your problems here. 375 00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:52,117 Now, won't you bow your heads 376 00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:54,203 and watch this video. 377 00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:57,039 (upbeat music playing) 378 00:15:57,122 --> 00:16:00,125 (dramatic music playing) 379 00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:02,920 Hello. I'm Professor Thernstrom, 380 00:16:03,003 --> 00:16:06,882 author of Fractured Families and How to Heal Them. 381 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:10,386 (scoffs) I think we all know who Professor Thernstrom is. 382 00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:12,262 Play the video. 383 00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:14,223 THERNSTROM: Jane was an only child. 384 00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:16,558 And science has proven that only children 385 00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,018 are lonely children 386 00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:21,105 and lonely children are evil children. 387 00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:23,190 (dramatic music playing) 388 00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:29,238 Jane's problems became the family's problems. 389 00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:31,615 (ominous music playing) 390 00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:37,746 They came to see me, and, nine months later, 391 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,999 Joe was born, and all was well. 392 00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:41,667 ANNOUNCER: Do not undertake procreation alone. 393 00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:43,627 Warning: second child may cause loss of money, 394 00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:45,129 limited vacations, and reduced sleep. 395 00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:46,880 Do not have a second child if you have heart problems, 396 00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:48,674 are pregnant, or want to keep your spare bedroom. 397 00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:51,510 In rare cases, sibling rivalry may occur. 398 00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:55,639 That's it, Homie! 399 00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:57,016 That's the answer! 400 00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:59,018 We're having another child. 401 00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,310 But just the one. 402 00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:01,937 We're not Catholics. 403 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,481 And so we decided to have Lisa. 404 00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:06,150 That's what this was building to? 405 00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:08,819 I thought this was the story of how we got our furnace. 406 00:17:08,902 --> 00:17:11,321 Who would care how we got the furnace? 407 00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:12,322 I would care. 408 00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:13,657 It came with the house. 409 00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:15,576 Mystery solved! 410 00:17:15,659 --> 00:17:17,661 ♪ ♪ 411 00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:25,002 ♪ ♪ 412 00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:27,004 Finally, he's asleep. Let's make another. 413 00:17:27,087 --> 00:17:29,006 -Mmm, mmm. -No. Oh, not here. 414 00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:31,884 He might wake up. The only safe place is out on the fire escape. 415 00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:33,510 What if firemen need it? 416 00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:35,512 I'll be quick. 417 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:36,555 (whoops) 418 00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:40,184 Now Mother Nature does the rest. 419 00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:42,186 (all whooping) 420 00:17:42,269 --> 00:17:43,854 Hmm... 421 00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:46,356 (clanging) 422 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:48,942 Duh, girls don't like me. 423 00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:51,028 (playing sultry song) 424 00:17:56,992 --> 00:17:58,077 Hey! No fair! 425 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,079 Hey, where did he get those glasses? 426 00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:02,623 The saxophone makes sense, but the glasses don't? 427 00:18:02,706 --> 00:18:04,166 Shut up, you! 428 00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:06,251 -(grunting) -Shut up! 429 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,925 MARGE: And so after a lot of late-night ice cream 430 00:18:13,008 --> 00:18:13,926 and pickles, 431 00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:15,552 Lisa was born. 432 00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:17,012 And the best part was 433 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:20,224 Bart became the calmest boy in the whole world. 434 00:18:20,307 --> 00:18:21,683 HOMER: More or less. 435 00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,018 Why, you... 436 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:26,522 (blissfully): you delightful little blessing. 437 00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:28,857 (giggling) 438 00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,443 Someone's gonna need four months of rehab. 439 00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:33,403 Not covered by insurance. 440 00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:34,988 (laughing) 441 00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:38,075 So a family with kids is a different kind of happy, 442 00:18:38,158 --> 00:18:39,743 but still happy. 443 00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:42,329 Wow. Just, uh... (exhales) wow. 444 00:18:42,412 --> 00:18:43,747 Hey, where's your wife? 445 00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:46,083 Uh, she left me forever during your story. 446 00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:48,335 If you look out the window, you can probably see her. 447 00:18:48,418 --> 00:18:49,753 (gasps) Oh. 448 00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:51,296 Why did you leave?! 449 00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:53,966 Because I never want to be stuck with people like you 450 00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:57,719 who stunt each other's growth with your rampant dysfunction! 451 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,557 (quietly): Quick. Family smile. 452 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,058 Our lives are great! 453 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:06,645 We left out the happy parts because they were boring! 454 00:19:06,728 --> 00:19:09,106 Nothing wrong with this picture. 455 00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:12,359 (tires screech, brakes hiss) 456 00:19:13,610 --> 00:19:14,695 Get over here, Lisa. 457 00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:16,196 The only way humanity survives 458 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,616 is if people perpetuate this lie. 459 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,076 Well, why is she frowning? 460 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,203 Is there some unhappiness you're hiding? 461 00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:24,705 Um... 462 00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:27,624 I'm gonna stake my whole marriage on what you do next! 463 00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:29,626 Smile. Don't be a dink. 464 00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:31,003 Mm... 465 00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:35,674 I love you, Miles! 466 00:19:39,469 --> 00:19:40,721 You did it, sweetie. 467 00:19:40,804 --> 00:19:42,598 You saved two bad marriages. 468 00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:44,933 What's the first bad marriage? 469 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:46,185 Uh, I miscounted. 470 00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:48,020 You saved one bad marriage. Just one. 471 00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:51,648 -(grunting) -Aw, reminds me of the first time we hugged. 472 00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:52,649 Great story. 473 00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:54,026 Get out. 474 00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:56,153 Well, we may not be ethical, 475 00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:57,946 but we're a great team. 476 00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:00,282 Just like Fred and Ethical. 477 00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:01,825 LISA: Want to tell us how Maggie was born? 478 00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:03,285 HOMER: We told you that story. 479 00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:05,621 -LISA: And how we got the dog? -HOMER: Found him at Christmas. 480 00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:08,248 -LISA: And the origin of the cat? -HOMER: Nobody cares. 481 00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:13,170 This was a nice idea, Homie. (sighs) 482 00:20:13,253 --> 00:20:14,713 I'm glad we came back here. 483 00:20:14,796 --> 00:20:15,964 Just the two of us. 484 00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,467 -(honking) -(barking) 485 00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:20,385 (scoffs) Just imagine what they'd do 486 00:20:20,469 --> 00:20:22,471 if Grampa wasn't watching them. 487 00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:24,723 -I wish I'd never had kids. -(grunting) 488 00:20:24,806 --> 00:20:27,726 Thank God there's no munitions left in the factory. 489 00:20:27,809 --> 00:20:29,061 Never too late for another! 490 00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:31,355 No one's made it out in a half century! 491 00:20:31,438 --> 00:20:33,398 I didn't even know there were five of us! 492 00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:35,484 (all exclaiming) 493 00:20:38,987 --> 00:20:40,364 Make room! What the...? 494 00:20:40,447 --> 00:20:42,032 How did you get in here? 495 00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:43,700 Mind your own business. 496 00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,123 Shh! 497 00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:36,003 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH