1
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:09,342
(school bell ringing)
2
00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:11,886
Okay, children,
everyone pick an instrument.
3
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:13,096
Doesn't matter which one.
4
00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:14,305
Everyone's gonna be bad.
5
00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:15,515
(chattering)
6
00:00:15,598 --> 00:00:17,726
Eh, who cares? I'm union.
7
00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:20,854
I told you,
I am not playing an instrument.
8
00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:22,897
You're playing an instrument.
9
00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:25,191
Mom, music is made by computers,
10
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:28,903
not rusty metal you put
in your-- ugh-- mouth.
11
00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:31,906
Look, your mom thinks
that forcing you to do music
12
00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:34,117
in school will somehow make you
into a different person
13
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,786
than we all know you are--
which it won't-- so just do it,
14
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,747
or I'll cut all your shorts
into skirts.
15
00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:39,956
Fine.
16
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,000
What about this stupid thing?
17
00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:46,129
-(blowing notes)
-(kids grunting)
18
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:50,967
(gasps)
19
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,719
Why don't you try this clarinet?
20
00:00:52,802 --> 00:00:55,388
It's like the recorder,
but cooler.
21
00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:56,514
(groans)
22
00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:59,017
(upbeat march playing)
23
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:00,435
(yelling)
24
00:01:02,103 --> 00:01:04,481
What about this hobo guitar?
25
00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:07,567
(light classical music playing)
26
00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:10,904
-(people screaming)
-(laughs)
27
00:01:10,987 --> 00:01:13,448
At least he was wearing
a tuxedo.
28
00:01:13,531 --> 00:01:15,075
Now can we get out of here?
29
00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:17,202
The Wi-Fi sucks,
and I'm trying to click through
30
00:01:17,285 --> 00:01:20,038
this slideshow of celebrities
who let themselves go.
31
00:01:20,121 --> 00:01:23,041
Word is that number four
is insane.
32
00:01:23,124 --> 00:01:24,918
And here's the form which says
33
00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:27,003
you're responsible
for the instrument.
34
00:01:29,005 --> 00:01:32,884
So, if I break the violin,
Homer has to pay?
35
00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:35,261
Homer has to pay?
36
00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:37,347
The school is lending
your son an instrument
37
00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:39,808
that's worth $430.
38
00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:41,935
(gasps)
39
00:01:42,018 --> 00:01:43,603
(shrieking melodically)
40
00:01:43,686 --> 00:01:45,688
Violin, you and me
41
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:48,817
are gonna make
beautiful music together.
42
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:50,902
(Symphony No. 5
by Beethoven playing)
43
00:01:58,368 --> 00:02:00,370
♪ ♪
44
00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:15,844
Bart? Bart?
45
00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:18,304
$430 violin?
46
00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:24,435
If the beer's in a frosted mug,
you're not an alcoholic,
47
00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:26,688
you're an aficionado.
48
00:02:26,771 --> 00:02:28,982
-(shrieks)
-Hello, Father.
49
00:02:29,065 --> 00:02:30,942
Thank you for
taking responsibility
50
00:02:31,025 --> 00:02:33,111
for this lovely instrument.
51
00:02:33,194 --> 00:02:35,029
I trust you find its music...
52
00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:37,615
-(plays screeching note)
-soothing.
53
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:39,659
Come on, dude,
just leave me alone.
54
00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:42,495
I'm a good man.
I've got kids!
55
00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:44,372
You're right,
I've been too hard on you.
56
00:02:44,455 --> 00:02:46,166
Here you go. Catch.
57
00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:48,042
♪ ♪
58
00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:53,506
♪ ♪
59
00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:57,635
(laughs)
60
00:02:57,719 --> 00:03:00,638
You. You.
I took you into my home,
61
00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:02,473
and you've stolen everything
from me.
62
00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:04,142
You know what this is?
63
00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:06,978
It's me playing
the world's smallest violin.
64
00:03:07,061 --> 00:03:08,229
(laughs)
65
00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:09,314
(yells)
66
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,526
(panting)
67
00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:15,278
I'm free. I'm free.
68
00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:16,946
I'm finally free!
69
00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:21,284
Mwah!
70
00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:23,119
(gasps)
Where are you going?
71
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:27,874
To do to my brain what I just
did to your dreams for our son.
72
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:31,419
LENNY, CARL and BARNEY:
Chug, chug, chug!
73
00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:33,421
Chug, chug, chug!
74
00:03:33,504 --> 00:03:34,839
(train chugging)
75
00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:37,008
-(whistle toots)
-(chuckles)
76
00:03:37,091 --> 00:03:41,095
The little engine that could...
get me wasted.
77
00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:43,848
Yeah, everyone loves
the ol' Disorient Express.
78
00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:45,808
-(whistle toots)
-(phone ringing)
79
00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:47,518
Moe's Tavern. Moe speaking.
80
00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:49,812
What? You have
the nerve to call me?
81
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,940
Why don't you delete my number
from your phone,
82
00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:53,566
then put the phone in a sock,
83
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,193
and then beat yourself
in the head
84
00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:58,863
till your face looks like
motor lodge buffet eggs!
85
00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:00,865
(chuckles)
Yeah, another prank call, huh?
86
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:03,701
Who was it this time, uh,
"Anita Manbone"?
87
00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:05,161
"Ivan Talickya"?
88
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,871
Ooh, ooh, I got one.
89
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:09,040
"John Rootbeer."
90
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:11,834
Eh, it wasn't no prankster.
91
00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:13,962
It was someone I know
all too well.
92
00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:16,339
-Oh, who?
-Shut your stinkin' face-hole!
93
00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:18,549
That's who it was, okay?!
Bar's closed!
94
00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:20,969
Everybody get out! Get out!
95
00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:24,222
(groans)
96
00:04:24,305 --> 00:04:25,807
(blows)
97
00:04:25,890 --> 00:04:26,808
(buzzes)
98
00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:29,811
Oh, stupid drunk breath.
99
00:04:29,894 --> 00:04:31,062
Ah.
100
00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:32,981
-(blows)
-(buzzes)
101
00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:34,565
Oh, stupid drunk dog!
102
00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:37,986
(barking)
103
00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:41,155
Guess I'll have to order
a ride on my smartphone.
104
00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:44,742
Get in.
105
00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,327
(car door closes)
106
00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:49,122
No mints?
I should've just called Uber.
107
00:04:50,331 --> 00:04:52,333
Hey. What's with Moe?
108
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:54,002
It's too late for the cockfights
109
00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:55,753
and too early
for the rat fights.
110
00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:58,423
He's been extra psycho
since he got that phone call.
111
00:04:58,506 --> 00:04:59,882
(muttering):
I just want to...
112
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,884
(grunting, shouting)
113
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,262
Oh, it sounds like that time
you lit the barbecue
114
00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:05,722
with a possum inside.
115
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:07,015
(Moe panting)
116
00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:08,850
Hmm, maybe we should follow him.
117
00:05:08,933 --> 00:05:10,476
Mm, you're the sober one.
118
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:13,771
Call me, will you?
Oh, I'll meet you, all right.
119
00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:15,398
I'll meet you good.
120
00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:18,776
(Moe muttering)
121
00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:20,862
(grunting, shouting)
122
00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:27,910
(shouting)
123
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:29,454
-I'll kill you.
-(choking)
124
00:05:29,537 --> 00:05:30,788
I'll kill you, you dirty mug!
125
00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:32,665
You've got to stop them.
126
00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:36,627
Let me go, huh?
127
00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:38,212
I'm one loafer smack away
128
00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:40,173
from tearing off
his whole hair system!
129
00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:42,717
Why are you fighting
with an old man?
130
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,470
Because this old man...
(panting)
131
00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:47,305
is my old man.
132
00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:49,807
Morty Szyslak.
Nice to meet you.
133
00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:52,060
You mean nothing to me. Huh?
134
00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:55,396
All you are is a rotten old
rib roast covered in cologne.
135
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,148
You ungrateful punk.
136
00:05:57,231 --> 00:06:00,068
You're not worthy to walk
through a cloud of my scent.
137
00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:01,736
I never should've called you.
138
00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:03,738
On that we agree.
139
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,116
The saddest thing in the world
140
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,869
is seeing a family broken apart.
141
00:06:09,952 --> 00:06:12,580
-(drunken growling)
-(chuckles)
142
00:06:12,663 --> 00:06:14,248
Drunk dog.
143
00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:23,132
Oh, I ain't seen
my pops for years.
144
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,718
After he called,
I weakened and went to meet him.
145
00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:27,970
But one sniff of
"Eau de Sportcoat,"
146
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:30,306
and my shoe was in my hand.
147
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:33,893
How could you go so long
without seeing your own father?
148
00:06:33,976 --> 00:06:36,771
Seriously, how'd you do it?
It sounds amazing.
149
00:06:36,854 --> 00:06:38,189
Yeah, well, let me explain.
150
00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:41,025
You know how the world
sees me as a... a...
151
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,111
-Human toilet brush?
-Bingo.
152
00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:45,738
Well, I'm the white sheep
of my family.
153
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:48,282
They're involved
in a very evil business.
154
00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:50,535
-Illegal drugs?
-No, worse.
155
00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:53,621
-Prescription drugs?
-Oh, well, not that bad.
156
00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:57,333
The Szyslaks are...
mattress salesmen.
157
00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,377
-(both gasp)
-Eh, I know, I know.
158
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:01,963
They're like mortgage brokers
without the moral code.
159
00:07:02,046 --> 00:07:03,965
Charging people 1,200 bucks
160
00:07:04,048 --> 00:07:06,467
for what's essentially
a big bag of hay.
161
00:07:08,886 --> 00:07:10,471
(humming)
162
00:07:12,473 --> 00:07:15,977
Growing up, it was me, my dad
and my brother and sister.
163
00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:18,062
We were the biggest
mattress chain in town,
164
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:21,065
mainly thanks
to our local TV ads.
165
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:23,067
(grunts)
How does it...?
166
00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:24,318
There it is.
167
00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:27,071
(fanfare playing)
168
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:29,073
Here ye, hear ye!
169
00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:32,076
I declare the best deals
in all the land!
170
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,745
And don't ye forget:
no credit...
171
00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:36,539
No problem!
172
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:38,249
So come on down
to Mattress King,
173
00:07:38,332 --> 00:07:41,002
at any one of our many
convenient locations.
174
00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:44,672
We'll have you sleeping
on a new mattress
175
00:07:44,755 --> 00:07:46,757
-to...
-Knight!
176
00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:49,051
-And cut.
-Great work, kids.
177
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:51,095
Everyone gets an onion.
178
00:07:53,097 --> 00:07:55,766
MOE: But there was another
reason for our success,
179
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,393
as I was about to learn.
180
00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:00,688
Son, your voice is finally
gravelly enough
181
00:08:00,771 --> 00:08:04,525
for you to learn what it takes
to survive in the sleep biz.
182
00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,194
Bedbugs?!
183
00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:08,613
These are Hungarian
mattress gnashers.
184
00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:10,531
The only way to get rid of them
185
00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:13,618
is to walk away from your house
naked and start a new life.
186
00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:14,869
(chuckles)
187
00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:19,624
Y-You're gonna
sabotage our rivals?
188
00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:22,126
No, no, no, no, no, no.
You are.
189
00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:25,630
You want to be a sandman,
a slumber jack, a yawn jockey?
190
00:08:25,713 --> 00:08:29,300
This is what it takes.
It's the Szyslak way.
191
00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:43,981
MOE: They were
the competition, sure,
192
00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:45,733
but they were a family, too.
193
00:08:45,816 --> 00:08:48,194
I couldn't ruin them.
194
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:53,157
You should be proud.
You did a good deed.
195
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:56,827
Yeah, well, that good deed
ruin't my life.
196
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:59,288
That family I took pity on--
197
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:02,083
they doused
our mattresses with bedbugs.
198
00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:04,835
The Szyslak empire was ruin't.
199
00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:07,088
Soon, we were down
to just a few locations.
200
00:09:07,171 --> 00:09:09,674
My pops never said
how disappointed he was,
201
00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:11,717
but he let me know
in his own way,
202
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:13,719
by kicking me out
and turning my room
203
00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:16,514
into a home gym he never used.
204
00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:19,183
My brother and sister took
my place in my father's heart.
205
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:22,478
The only connection I had
with Pops was LinkedIn.
206
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,480
(gasps)
That's worse than nothing.
207
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,607
Why do you think your dad
reached around to you
208
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:28,276
after all these years?
209
00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:30,861
I don't care.
I don't care so much!
210
00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:32,697
Moe, you will never have peace
211
00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:34,824
until you make up
with your father.
212
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:36,909
Honey, I need you to hear this:
213
00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:41,205
sticking your nose in Moe's
horrible life will end badly.
214
00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:43,874
Homer, what's your
favorite movie?
215
00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:45,376
Fast & Furious 6.
216
00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:47,336
And what's the theme
of that movie?
217
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:48,713
Cars.
218
00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:50,381
What's the other theme?
219
00:09:50,464 --> 00:09:52,508
(gasps)
Family.
220
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,010
She's right, Moe.
221
00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:56,804
You got to give your cars
a second chance.
222
00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:02,310
-BART and LISA: Is that
your family's mattress store?
-MOE: No.
223
00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:03,894
Is that your family's
mattress store?
224
00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:05,396
-No.
-Is that your family's
mattress store?
225
00:10:05,479 --> 00:10:06,564
No!
226
00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:07,898
Geez, I never noticed
227
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:09,859
how many mattress stores
there are.
228
00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:12,320
Yeah, you never do
till you're shopping for one.
229
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:14,447
Then they're
freakin' everywhere.
230
00:10:16,657 --> 00:10:19,744
That mattress looked perfectly
fine when it was delivered.
231
00:10:19,827 --> 00:10:22,705
It's not my fault
you flipped it over!
232
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:24,707
Mr. Szyslak,
I've brought someone here
233
00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:27,084
who still cares for you.
234
00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:29,211
Um, hey there, Pops.
235
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:33,257
I'm, uh, I'm sorry about
shoe-slapping your face and all.
236
00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:36,010
Well, maybe I had it coming.
237
00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:37,595
You hittin' that?
238
00:10:37,678 --> 00:10:40,973
-Can I, uh, say I am?
-Mm-mmm.
239
00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:45,102
That must be
Moe's brother and sister.
240
00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:48,773
They don't look ugly like Moe,
but I'm still feeling the ugly.
241
00:10:48,856 --> 00:10:52,526
Ugh. That one's eating
Chinese food with scissors.
242
00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:54,987
(Lisa, Homer and Bart shudder)
243
00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:58,115
Hey, what's Ugly Do-Right
doing here?
244
00:10:58,199 --> 00:10:59,909
He ain't no mattress man.
245
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:03,871
I will never forgive you for
what you made Dad did to you.
246
00:11:03,954 --> 00:11:06,957
Oh, so we're doing the "what
I done made Dad did" thing?
247
00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:08,959
Because I can did this
all day long!
248
00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:10,628
Shut up, you box springs!
249
00:11:10,711 --> 00:11:12,380
I'm the one what reached around
250
00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:14,298
to this cesspool
of disappointment.
251
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:17,134
You know, to make amends.
252
00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:19,470
-Amends?!
-Amends?!
-Amends?!
253
00:11:19,553 --> 00:11:22,515
There's no reason
for this to come to shoes!
254
00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:24,975
I want you all
to come to our house
255
00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:26,811
for a family forgiveness dinner.
256
00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:28,270
We'll be there.
257
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:30,064
Can I bring
a bottle of something?
258
00:11:30,147 --> 00:11:31,732
That would be lovely.
259
00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:33,984
You want oxy or Demerol?
260
00:11:34,068 --> 00:11:35,319
MARGE:
Okay, the brother here,
261
00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:37,321
the father there, Moe here...
262
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:38,906
No. No good.
263
00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:40,908
You know,
when this all ends horribly,
264
00:11:40,991 --> 00:11:43,911
it's gonna be pretty hard
not to say "I told you so."
265
00:11:43,994 --> 00:11:45,329
Just don't say it.
266
00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:47,456
You've never been married,
have you, Lisa?
267
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,166
When you love someone very much,
268
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:52,002
the toughest thing
is not to rub their face
269
00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:54,922
in their horrible screw-ups.
270
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:59,135
(Marge groaning worriedly)
271
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:02,638
So, okay, here's a fun game.
272
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,849
Everyone take turns
saying something nice
273
00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:07,351
about a person
they're related to.
274
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:10,688
I'll start.
Lisa has lovely penmanship.
275
00:12:10,771 --> 00:12:12,815
Thank you, Mom.
276
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:15,735
Me? Uh, well, it's...
277
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:18,070
admirable how my stupid father
278
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:19,739
reached around to this traitor!
279
00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:21,741
I'm impressed
that you better shut up
280
00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:23,659
and make nice with the traitor!
281
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:28,247
I like that Bart...
282
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:31,083
uh... Bart is...
283
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:32,501
He, uh...
284
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,670
Can I do two Lisas?
285
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:37,423
-Dinner fight!
-Yeah, whatcha gonna do?
Whatcha gonna do? Huh?
286
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:40,342
Homer! Go to phase two.
287
00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:43,763
'Twas the sale
before Christmas,
288
00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:45,681
and all through the store
289
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,516
All the deals were amazing
290
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,019
on twin sets and more!
291
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:53,522
(to "Silent Night"):
♪ Mattress night ♪
292
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:56,984
♪ Low, low price ♪
293
00:12:57,067 --> 00:13:00,738
♪ No payments due, but... ♪
294
00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:02,865
Am I the only one
feeling all oniony
295
00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:04,867
about the way things used to be?
296
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:07,036
We were dressed
as stinkin' reindeer,
297
00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:09,288
but we were really
a stinkin' family.
298
00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:11,540
Oh, I miss you frigs.
299
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,876
MOE/MARV/MINNIE:
Aw...
300
00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:16,629
Marge, thank you for
reaching around to my family.
301
00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:19,465
I got something
to tell all of youse.
302
00:13:19,548 --> 00:13:21,383
I'm retiring.
303
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:22,384
(all gasp)
304
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:23,844
Sleepy is the head
305
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:25,846
that wears the mattress crown.
306
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:28,891
That's right,
my springs have sprung.
307
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:31,560
-To my son, I give a store.
-(gasps)
308
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:34,855
-To my daughter, I give a store.
-Aw.
309
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:36,565
Well, good dinner, everyone.
310
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:39,360
I'll see youse at the funeral
of whoever dies first.
311
00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:42,029
And to my oldest son,
I give a store.
312
00:13:42,112 --> 00:13:43,155
(gasps)
313
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:46,200
Wha...?
I buried this dream so deep,
314
00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:49,662
no amount of self-harm
could ever carve it out.
315
00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:53,749
Aw.
316
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:55,918
(inhales deeply)
317
00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:58,921
Oh, the smell
of foam off-gassing.
318
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:02,341
When I cross this threshold,
I begin a new life!
319
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,261
This is the first time
320
00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:07,763
that I've ever been carried
into a store.
321
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,266
Look at me now,
Lady Foot Locker!
322
00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:11,851
Look at me now.
323
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,900
Hey, everyone.
Hey, thanks for coming out.
324
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:21,986
Uh, if anybody
wants a glass of wine,
325
00:14:22,069 --> 00:14:23,946
they're on the memory foam.
326
00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:27,157
-(amazed gasps)
-CLETUS: Oh! Hot dang.
My goodness.
327
00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:29,493
Okay, okay, all right,
shut your, shut your faces.
328
00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:32,913
Uh, the commercial that me and
my brother and sister all made
329
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:34,957
is about to air now.
330
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:36,667
-I cannot tell a lie.
-("Yankee Doodle" playing)
331
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:39,295
It's good to be back
in the mattress biz.
332
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:42,172
Sleep softly
and carry a big discount!
333
00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:44,758
And now we're freeing
the savings!
334
00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:48,470
So rush-more to Mattress King
Slumber Super Stores,
335
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:52,266
as we all welcome our big
brother Moe back to the family!
336
00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:54,184
MINNIE:
And remember,
337
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:55,603
at Moe's location,
338
00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:58,856
every mattress
had someone die on it.
339
00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:00,316
(people gasping, murmuring)
340
00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:03,402
-(people groaning)
-Dead-o's on my mattresses?
341
00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:05,863
Hey, hey, somebody messed
with our commercial.
342
00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:08,198
MARV:
Who died on Moe's mattresses?
343
00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:10,200
-Shut-ins. Fat people.
-(people gasping)
344
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:13,370
MARV and MINNIE:
And inmates! Inmates! Inmates!
345
00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:15,039
No, no, it's all lies!
Come back!
346
00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:16,707
My mattresses are brand-new!
347
00:15:16,790 --> 00:15:18,709
Made in the finest
Filipino sweatshops
348
00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:21,045
by the cutest kids you ever saw!
349
00:15:21,128 --> 00:15:23,130
-That's a gross a-mattress!
-(clamoring)
350
00:15:23,213 --> 00:15:26,550
They betrayed me.
Stabbed me right in the hump.
351
00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:28,135
Sorry, big brother.
(chuckles)
352
00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:31,096
We saw an opportunity to knock
you out of the family business,
353
00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,514
and we took it.
354
00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:34,183
It's the Szyslak way.
355
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:36,185
(laughing)
356
00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:38,479
But I-I brought them together.
357
00:15:38,562 --> 00:15:40,481
How could things end so badly?
358
00:15:40,564 --> 00:15:42,358
HOMER:
Don't say "I told you so."
359
00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:43,859
Don't say "I told you so."
Don't say "I told you so."
360
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,153
Maybe I shouldn't
have gotten involved.
361
00:15:46,236 --> 00:15:48,489
HOMER:
Don't say "I told you so."
Don't say "I told you so."
362
00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:50,157
Why didn't somebody warn me?
363
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:51,992
HOMER:
Don't say "I told you so."
364
00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:54,495
I told... (choking)
365
00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:02,878
(mattress hissing)
366
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,714
When my pop finds out
I got played for a chump, huh,
367
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:08,884
he'll wish he never reached
around to me in the first place.
368
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,844
Moe, I'm so sorry.
369
00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:13,180
For the first time,
I'm going to offer you
370
00:16:13,263 --> 00:16:15,099
platonic physical comfort.
371
00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:18,435
-(Moe grunting excitedly)
-(Marge groaning)
372
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:20,771
I just can't
go through with it.
373
00:16:20,854 --> 00:16:23,315
Aw, it's all right.
You got closer than most.
374
00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:25,985
But I have to believe
it's not too late
375
00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:29,071
to reach around and fix things
with your family.
376
00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:31,991
No, no, no.
I tried things the Marge way.
377
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:35,285
Now I'm gonna do this
the Szyslak way.
378
00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:37,037
No. No!
379
00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:39,289
That's right, me and my family--
380
00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:41,834
we're going
to the mattresses, baby!
381
00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:45,671
I better go with him.
382
00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:47,923
To make sure I see it.
383
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:50,009
♪ ♪
384
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:19,788
-(Marge groaning worriedly)
-(Moe and Homer panting)
385
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,790
(gasps) Oh, my God.
What happened?
386
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:24,126
We cut 'em up good.
(chuckles)
387
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:26,587
They ain't so pretty no more!
388
00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:28,839
-(Moe chuckles)
-(Marge screams)
389
00:17:28,922 --> 00:17:31,592
All this was just
revenge appetizers!
390
00:17:31,675 --> 00:17:34,094
Tonight is the main course.
391
00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:36,513
And I'm serving it up
family style.
392
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:38,182
(maniacal laughing)
393
00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:40,934
There's only one man
who can stop this.
394
00:17:43,353 --> 00:17:46,273
Sir, this shirt depicts
an octopus sportfishing
395
00:17:46,356 --> 00:17:48,108
and drinking a mai tai.
396
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:51,612
It's the bestseller in our
Retired Blowhard collection.
397
00:17:51,695 --> 00:17:52,905
Oh, yeah.
398
00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:55,991
I can see myself
watching golf in this.
399
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,660
Mr. Szyslak Sr.,
you've got to do something!
400
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:01,455
Your children are
tearing each other apart!
401
00:18:01,538 --> 00:18:03,665
No, no. I'm retired now.
402
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:06,001
Let them work out
their own little tiffs.
403
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,295
Does this look like a tiff?
404
00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:12,049
Free mattresses?!
405
00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:14,802
The time for leisure wear
is over.
406
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:19,556
Mahalo, sir.
407
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:22,392
Moe's in there, and I've never
seen him this angry before,
408
00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:25,854
not even when he lost
that angriest man contest.
409
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:27,856
He's crazy!
He's gonna do it!
410
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,942
He's really gonna do it!
411
00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:33,237
I'm up here, Pops.
412
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,739
I'm playing with
my little brother and sister.
413
00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:37,407
Just like old times.
414
00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:39,993
(maniacal laughing)
415
00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:44,581
(gasps)
Hungarian mattress gnashers!
416
00:18:44,665 --> 00:18:46,375
If he releases those bugs,
417
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:49,419
all our mattresses are ruined!
418
00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:50,671
Not mine.
419
00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:54,258
My mattresses
are safe and sound.
420
00:18:54,341 --> 00:18:56,426
-(Barney burps)
-(dog burps)
421
00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:58,887
All my enemies... gnashed!
422
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,181
It's the Szyslak way!
423
00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:03,684
(gasps)
Morty! Do something!
424
00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:06,854
(maniacal laughing)
425
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:11,275
Do it! Smash that jar!
426
00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:13,694
Take what's rightfully yours!
427
00:19:13,777 --> 00:19:16,363
-Wait, what?
-You wanted him to dooze this?
428
00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:18,782
He's finally man enough
to finish the job,
429
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:21,285
just like he should've
all those years ago.
430
00:19:21,368 --> 00:19:22,786
Do it, son!
431
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:24,746
Everything will be yours!
432
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:27,040
Do it for your king!
433
00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:29,835
(droning):
Do it for your king.
434
00:19:34,882 --> 00:19:36,884
♪ ♪
435
00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:49,813
I can't do it.
436
00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:51,231
ALL:
Wha...?!
437
00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:52,566
Sorry, Pops.
438
00:19:52,649 --> 00:19:55,402
I guess I'll never live
the Szyslak way.
439
00:19:56,695 --> 00:19:59,489
Oh, Moe, you're a good man.
440
00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:02,993
And these soulless mattress
jackals don't deserve you.
441
00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:04,995
I never thought I'd say this,
442
00:20:05,078 --> 00:20:08,707
but some families
just don't belong together.
443
00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:11,251
-(all grunting)
-Yeah, yeah, I'll kill ya!
444
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:15,255
Ph-Physical contact.
445
00:20:23,096 --> 00:20:25,098
(all screaming, grunting)
446
00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:35,442
HOMER:
I told you so!
447
00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:49,164
Hey, this is Moe S.
from the Mattress King.
448
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:51,875
Give me a call at 555-0146.
449
00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:53,669
For a limited time only,
450
00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:56,964
the Mattress King's got
queen mattress sets for $99
451
00:20:57,047 --> 00:20:59,299
and king sets for $129.
452
00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:01,301
(grunts)
453
00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:03,178
HOMER:
Ooh! Are you okay?
454
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:06,223
Oh, yeah. I'm fine.
455
00:21:06,306 --> 00:21:08,058
That's what I was afraid
was gonna... (grunts)
456
00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:09,726
that's what I was
afraid was gonna happen
457
00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:11,645
-with that damn thing.
-You all right?
458
00:21:11,728 --> 00:21:13,146
-Oh, I'm fine.
-You sure?
459
00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:15,148
Messed up my guitar, though.
No, I'm fine.
460
00:21:15,232 --> 00:21:16,650
-You sure you're, uh...
-No, I'm fine.
461
00:21:16,733 --> 00:21:17,985
Try your arm and stuff.
462
00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:19,695
-He's wearing leather.
-Oh, okay.
463
00:21:19,778 --> 00:21:21,571
-Did you get it on film?
-Yeah.
464
00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:23,573
All right. All right!
465
00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:27,160
Shh!
466
00:21:30,455 --> 00:21:32,416
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH