1 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:04,838 Can't let you do it. 2 00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:06,631 Can't let you break my record. 3 00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:10,969 (groans) 4 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:17,976 LENNY/CARL/BARNEY: 27... 28... 5 00:00:18,059 --> 00:00:20,562 Okay, Homer, this is the last pickled egg. 6 00:00:20,645 --> 00:00:22,480 Keep it down and you win 50 bucks. 7 00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:25,734 (grunting): Okay. If I win, we're going out for omelets. 8 00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:27,402 (moans) 9 00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:32,782 Yeah! I am the champion of this very bad idea! 10 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,451 -(rumbling) -Uh-oh. 11 00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:35,952 He's gonna blow! 12 00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:42,250 Hey, Moe, you're not gonna serve those eggs, are you? 13 00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:45,962 No, no. I, uh... I find another use for 'em. 14 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:54,846 Hmm. 15 00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:58,349 I was 50 bucks up until I blew every egg out of my belly. 16 00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:00,977 -Oh! -(horn honks) 17 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,104 MAN: Whoa! Hey there, pal. 18 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:06,983 (chuckles) I'm afraid that was the mayor's favorite light pole. 19 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,985 -(shrieks) -You give me the car, 20 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:12,906 I give you 500 bucks and I make all of this go away. 21 00:01:12,989 --> 00:01:16,117 Uh, this is awkward. 22 00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:18,119 You don't have to thank me. 23 00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:19,537 Ugh! 24 00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:22,082 Marge. 25 00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:23,917 When you start a sentence with "Marge," 26 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,210 it's really bad. 27 00:01:25,293 --> 00:01:27,879 Marge, Marge, Marge. 28 00:01:27,962 --> 00:01:30,840 -I sold our car! -(gasps) 29 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:33,384 -What are you gonna drive? -Your car. 30 00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:36,179 Oh. Well, then I guess I'll be riding the bus. 31 00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:39,808 That's right. Like rock stars and Rosa Parks. 32 00:01:39,891 --> 00:01:43,144 Now just wait till you see what's become of our car. 33 00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:46,064 Feast your eyes on this! 34 00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:48,733 ♪ Four-legged angel ♪ 35 00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:51,027 ♪ Who will speak for you? ♪ 36 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,696 -♪ Raised in the rain ♪ -(grunting softly) 37 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,991 ♪ With no bone to chew ♪ 38 00:01:57,075 --> 00:02:00,120 ♪ Well, maybe ♪ 39 00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:02,330 ♪ Someone will love you. ♪ 40 00:02:02,413 --> 00:02:03,873 Why are you showing me this? 41 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,041 I don't get it. 42 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:07,460 And I'm crying. (cries) 43 00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:09,295 Lousy wrong channel. 44 00:02:10,755 --> 00:02:13,258 ANNOUNCER: The Legends of Demolition Derby-Derby-Derby 45 00:02:13,341 --> 00:02:16,094 are coming to Springfield- Springfield-Springfield! 46 00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:17,679 So shut up! 47 00:02:17,762 --> 00:02:19,097 And get your ass-ass-ass 48 00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:22,016 over-over-over here-here-here! 49 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:23,351 Proceeds go 50 00:02:23,434 --> 00:02:24,978 to stuttering- stuttering-stuttering. 51 00:02:25,061 --> 00:02:27,605 Wait for it. Wait for it. 52 00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:34,237 ANNOUNCER: We've got all the Demolition Derby greats! 53 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,156 Vince "Dead Tooth" McGee! 54 00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:38,199 James "Psychiatric Disorder" Porter. 55 00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:39,409 "Meth" MacFarland. 56 00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:41,452 Mysterious Fandango 57 00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:44,080 and a very drunk Billy Joel. 58 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:47,000 I'm sorry, but most of these names mean nothing to me. 59 00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:48,668 Here it comes! 60 00:02:48,751 --> 00:02:50,920 ANNOUNCER: And making his triumphant return 61 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:54,299 to the Crash Zone after a full skull transplant, 62 00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:56,676 Gene "No Helmet" Dupree! 63 00:02:56,759 --> 00:03:00,305 Eh? My car in a demolition derby! 64 00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:02,849 And we got primo tickets for Saturday night. 65 00:03:02,932 --> 00:03:04,642 Look at 'em fan. 66 00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:05,935 Wait, wait, wait. 67 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:08,188 This is the point where Lisa always ruins it. 68 00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:09,314 No, I'm good with it. 69 00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:10,481 People get out their aggression 70 00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:12,775 and destroy carbon-burning cars. 71 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,110 See? Ruined it. 72 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,653 And then I noticed 73 00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:19,115 there wasn't any more cinnamon on top of my rice pudding. 74 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,326 And I said, "Where's the cinnamon?" 75 00:03:21,409 --> 00:03:24,412 And they said, "There never was any cinnamon, Abe." 76 00:03:24,495 --> 00:03:26,206 Fine, Dad, we'll get you some cinnamon! 77 00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:27,999 I can't tolerate cinnamon! 78 00:03:28,082 --> 00:03:30,501 So, I started asking everyone in the TV room 79 00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:32,086 if they remembered the cinnamon, 80 00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,130 and the answer will surprise you. 81 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,882 The results were incon... 82 00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:37,926 -(inaudible) -When did you get that put in? 83 00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:39,928 Worth every penny. 84 00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:42,680 But how many pennies is that? 85 00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:44,724 Homer Simpson, you can't just... 86 00:03:44,807 --> 00:03:47,227 ("Theme from a Summer Place" by Percy Faith playing) 87 00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:57,487 Hmm. 88 00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:59,155 All right, young'uns. 89 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,824 You know that movie Cars that you likes? 90 00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,159 ALL: Uh-huh. 91 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,161 Well, all your favorite characters 92 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,872 is gonna commit suicide here today. 93 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,165 -Huh? -What? 94 00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:14,545 ANNOUNCER (British accent): Ladies and gentlemen, 95 00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:17,548 please silence all cell phones 96 00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:20,969 and holster all truck nuts. 97 00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:24,389 And now, in conformance with the latest paleontological theories 98 00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:26,641 about dinosaurs, please welcome 99 00:04:26,724 --> 00:04:29,852 the all-new Truckasaurus Two. 100 00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:32,188 (audience booing) 101 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,649 (robotic): I love you, Steven Spielberg. 102 00:04:34,732 --> 00:04:36,526 ANNOUNCER: Now, a brief moment in memory 103 00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:40,196 of those we lost in the past week. 104 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,699 (audience clapping) 105 00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:47,870 (audience booing) 106 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:50,331 (audience clapping) 107 00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:54,168 And now... 108 00:04:54,252 --> 00:04:56,254 (Southern accent): let the bash-'em-ups begin! 109 00:04:56,337 --> 00:04:58,881 (engines revving) 110 00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:01,175 If I get hit by a brain, can I keep it? 111 00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:03,219 Be sure to get it signed afterwards. 112 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,470 (gasps) There's our car! 113 00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:09,642 Wow. Without Dad's weight in it, it really moves. 114 00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:12,186 (audience cheering) 115 00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:18,067 Oh, my God, this is it. 116 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,695 Only one car stands in our way. 117 00:05:20,778 --> 00:05:22,572 ANNOUNCER: It's down to Homer's Boner 118 00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:24,198 and Car-rak Obama, 119 00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:27,285 the Affordable Health Care Mobile, 120 00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:30,121 which you can't kill no matter how hard you try. 121 00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:32,749 (audience booing, whistling) 122 00:05:34,208 --> 00:05:35,501 (engine revs) 123 00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:38,713 My whole life has been leading to this one moment. 124 00:05:38,796 --> 00:05:40,965 (engines revving) 125 00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:43,176 Oh! My chest hurts! 126 00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:44,344 That's called pride. 127 00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:45,428 (engine revs) 128 00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:46,763 My arm is numb! 129 00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:47,889 Numb with pride. 130 00:05:47,972 --> 00:05:48,973 (engine revs) 131 00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:51,601 Son, I need to go to the hospital. 132 00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:53,686 -Huh? -(grunting) 133 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,646 Sure, Dad. 134 00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:03,863 ("Adagio for Strings" by Samuel Barber playing) 135 00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:08,201 -(crashing) -(cheering) 136 00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:14,874 -I missed it. -(explosion) 137 00:06:14,957 --> 00:06:16,959 Can you see the pain you're causing him? 138 00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:19,295 Go on, git! 139 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:22,632 I'm sorry to say it, uh, doesn't look good. 140 00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:27,303 Homer, your father would like to see you, uh, one last time. 141 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:30,264 I hope you've got a return receipt on that balloon. 142 00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:33,476 -I always do. -(chuckles sadly) 143 00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:37,313 (weakly): Homer, there's something I need to tell you. 144 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:41,317 I'll give you two a moment in this, uh, semiprivate room. 145 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,486 Where is the nurse with my... 146 00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:47,907 Son, I did a terrible thing many years ago, 147 00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:51,661 and I need you to forgive me before... (coughs) 148 00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:54,163 before it's too late. 149 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:57,291 -(crying): Anything, Dad. -Mm, mm. 150 00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:58,876 (whispers inaudibly) 151 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,211 Uh-huh. 152 00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:01,671 (whispers inaudibly) 153 00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:03,047 Uh-huh. 154 00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:04,715 (whispers inaudibly) 155 00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:06,634 You already said that part. 156 00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:09,178 Remember, you can't tell anyone. 157 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,388 It's awful! 158 00:07:10,471 --> 00:07:12,557 I swear. Now get to the point. 159 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:15,977 (whispers inaudibly) 160 00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:17,437 You didn't! 161 00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:20,398 Okay. (sighs) 162 00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:21,983 I forgive you. 163 00:07:22,066 --> 00:07:25,528 Your conscience is the one clean thing in this room. 164 00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:26,779 (moans weakly) 165 00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:31,659 Well, we tried everything we could... 166 00:07:31,742 --> 00:07:33,119 and the last thing worked. 167 00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:35,455 (gasps) How did you save him? 168 00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,248 When a body is in too much pain, 169 00:07:37,331 --> 00:07:40,418 the brain releases a hormone to bring a merciful death. 170 00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:43,629 But an expensive new drug blocks that and keeps him alive. 171 00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:45,506 What a glorious day! 172 00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:47,300 I'm gonna live! 173 00:07:47,383 --> 00:07:51,387 And my son has forgiven me for the worst thing I ever did. 174 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,973 Yes. Forgiven. 175 00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:55,725 (grunts) 176 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:59,979 (gasps) Sir, you just destroyed a box of hospital cotton balls. 177 00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:02,690 -That's $75,000. -D'oh! 178 00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:08,029 (laughs) Now I want to watch my favorite new show, 179 00:08:08,112 --> 00:08:10,823 currently in its 17th season. 180 00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:13,201 (theme song playing) 181 00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:34,847 It looks like another murder at Jackson Island Naval Base. 182 00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:36,766 That's what makes America great. 183 00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:39,519 Prompt investigation of in-house naval crimes. 184 00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:41,562 Homie, look who's here. 185 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:42,939 Yeah, I see. 186 00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:45,024 Oh, Homer, are you a Sunday puzzle? 187 00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:47,693 'Cause you sure seem down and a'cross. 188 00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:50,530 My dad did something to me I can never forgive. 189 00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:52,490 No worse than what God did to his son, 190 00:08:52,573 --> 00:08:53,950 and they wrote a book together. 191 00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:55,493 Bye. 192 00:08:55,576 --> 00:08:58,829 He tricked me with his code blue and his flatlining. 193 00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:00,706 And I fell for it like a sap. 194 00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:01,958 What did he do? 195 00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:04,335 I promised him not to say what he told me, 196 00:09:04,418 --> 00:09:07,547 but I will never look at him the same way again. 197 00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:10,758 Yeah, but you forgave me, so that means you have to love me. 198 00:09:10,841 --> 00:09:12,426 Nyeah, nyeah, nyeah, nyeah, nyeah. 199 00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:14,053 Marjorie, I'm sorry, 200 00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:16,973 but I do not want to be in the same room with this man. 201 00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:18,224 I'm going to Moe's. 202 00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:19,725 Then I'm going to Moe's! 203 00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:22,562 Then I'm staying here! (grumbles) 204 00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,188 (grunting) 205 00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:25,898 A gun and a sailor hat. 206 00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:28,150 Nothing screams naval crime more than that. 207 00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:31,237 (theme song playing) 208 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:32,822 I'm going to Moe's. 209 00:09:33,614 --> 00:09:35,741 I hate seeing a father and a son 210 00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,535 sit at opposite ends of the bar. 211 00:09:37,618 --> 00:09:39,412 'Cause it means I got to walk more. 212 00:09:39,495 --> 00:09:42,123 Now come on, youse guys. Bury the old hatchet. 213 00:09:42,206 --> 00:09:43,749 (both groan) 214 00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:45,209 Hey, life is short. 215 00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:47,128 You could be killed by a drunk driver, 216 00:09:47,211 --> 00:09:49,964 die of cirrhosis, stabbed in a bar fight. 217 00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:52,925 All kinds of random bad things happen to my customers. 218 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:54,677 All right, look, here's 50 cents, huh? 219 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,887 Play the jukebox and the love tester. 220 00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:58,389 (Homer and Grampa groan) 221 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,891 ♪ Hit the road, Jack ♪ 222 00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:02,393 ♪ And don't you come back ♪ 223 00:10:02,476 --> 00:10:04,895 ♪ No more, no more, no more, no more ♪ 224 00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:06,856 ♪ Hit the road... ♪ 225 00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:09,066 You heard Ray Charles. 226 00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:12,069 Actually, in my jukebox, we can't afford no Ray Charles. 227 00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,196 It's a white guy named, uh, Charles Ray. 228 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,532 Excellent vision, excellent vision. 229 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,744 Dad, Grampa, the place we're going is the perfect way 230 00:10:19,827 --> 00:10:21,746 to make you guys friends again. 231 00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:23,831 I went there for Janey's last birthday party. 232 00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:25,625 You think you can solve our problems 233 00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:27,585 at a kids' birthday party place? 234 00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:30,546 It's cheaper than therapy, and it comes with cake. 235 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:34,425 If cake solved problems, Homer would have a Nobel Peace Prize. 236 00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:36,260 That's a bullcrap prize. 237 00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:37,845 They gave it to Kissinger. 238 00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,391 Welcome to the Escape Zone, 239 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:46,062 the latest attempt to get people to save a dying mall. 240 00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:48,606 Now, would you like to be buried alive? 241 00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:49,815 Done it for real. 242 00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:51,901 How about Medieval Dungeon? 243 00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:54,945 Got to be less torture than listening to him. Hey. 244 00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:56,155 Thank you. 245 00:10:56,238 --> 00:10:58,824 Okay, you two are trapped in a dungeon. 246 00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:02,286 The only way out is to solve ten puzzles by working together. 247 00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:03,371 Yeah, whatever. 248 00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:05,373 -Super! -(lock clicks) 249 00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:07,124 They're just sitting there. 250 00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:09,418 I bet they'd hurry if they knew we had balloons. 251 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:10,920 They're moving. 252 00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:15,132 Son, if you take this sword and stick it in that magic portal, 253 00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:18,386 I think it might open a bookcase somewhere. 254 00:11:18,469 --> 00:11:21,555 (gasps) Yes, that makes perfect sense. I'll just... 255 00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:23,766 (screaming) 256 00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:25,434 (laughing) 257 00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:30,189 Homer? You're not getting out to say good-bye to your dad? 258 00:11:30,272 --> 00:11:32,274 He's probably afraid we'll see how much 259 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,276 the car lifts when he gets out. 260 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:37,029 No, I'm not. 261 00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,657 There's only one way to make you guys understand. 262 00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:42,284 I'll tell you what Grampa told me. 263 00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:44,537 (stammering) That was in confidence. 264 00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:48,207 And in this family, we keep our promises. Starting now. 265 00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:50,251 I am telling! 266 00:11:50,334 --> 00:11:53,504 Oh, God. Oh, God. I hate conflict. 267 00:11:53,587 --> 00:11:55,339 (panicked breathing) 268 00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:58,426 -Then just leave your body. -Okay. 269 00:11:58,509 --> 00:11:59,719 Hey! 270 00:12:01,011 --> 00:12:02,680 (grunts) 271 00:12:02,763 --> 00:12:05,057 When I was growing up, my dad loved to make 272 00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:07,143 model World War II airplanes. 273 00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:08,561 (imitating airplane) 274 00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:10,229 Watch it, son. You're gonna break the wing. 275 00:12:10,312 --> 00:12:12,690 Oh, now you got glue up your nose. 276 00:12:12,773 --> 00:12:15,693 Oh! Don't eat the decal. How many have you had? 277 00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:19,029 Just leave me be. 278 00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:23,576 Oh! 279 00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:26,370 I work hard all week at the model plane factory, 280 00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:28,414 and this hobby is my one escape. 281 00:12:28,497 --> 00:12:31,125 Can you please watch this little monster? 282 00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:32,752 HOMER: When he gave me to her, 283 00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:34,754 it was the best thing he could've done. 284 00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:36,756 -This is the dough. -Dough. 285 00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:41,469 Yes, dough. Now, I need someone very strong to roll this out. 286 00:12:41,552 --> 00:12:43,596 YOUNG HOMER: ♪ Recipes ♪ 287 00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:48,809 ♪ For the oven in my mind ♪ 288 00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:53,939 ♪ 3x5 cards with the recipes ♪ 289 00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:59,153 ♪ Of my mother's pies ♪ 290 00:12:59,236 --> 00:13:03,157 ♪ Apple cobbler ♪ 291 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:06,076 ♪ Peach pie, key lime, and meringue ♪ 292 00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:13,459 ♪ Pies made for me by my mother ♪ 293 00:13:13,542 --> 00:13:17,671 ♪ While my father would harangue ♪ 294 00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:20,299 ♪ Can it be that ♪ 295 00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:23,886 ♪ It was all so tasty then? ♪ 296 00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:25,846 ♪ Was her rhubarb ♪ 297 00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:29,141 ♪ So sublime? ♪ 298 00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:31,060 ♪ If we had the chance ♪ 299 00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:34,188 ♪ To bake it all again ♪ 300 00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:35,940 ♪ Tell me, would we? ♪ 301 00:13:37,274 --> 00:13:39,860 ♪ Could we? ♪ 302 00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:43,030 Love you. 303 00:13:43,113 --> 00:13:44,865 HOMER: She loved me. 304 00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:47,827 And for each pie she made, she wrote down the recipe 305 00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:50,538 and put a special note to me on the back. 306 00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:52,873 We don't know what life will bring, 307 00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:56,085 so on your birthday or any day you need it, 308 00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:58,587 you'll know that your mother loved you 309 00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,382 and have reasons to love yourself. 310 00:14:01,465 --> 00:14:05,135 You just taught me food is love. 311 00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:08,097 I like myself. 312 00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:09,807 HOMER: That lunch box 313 00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:11,809 was the most valuable possession I ever had. 314 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,729 (sobbing) When she left, 315 00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:18,232 those recipes were all I had left of her. 316 00:14:18,315 --> 00:14:20,192 And that's the end. What a sweet story. 317 00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:22,278 And there's some things that shouldn't be gone into 318 00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:25,072 until a man is dead and can't be kicked. 319 00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:26,991 After she ran away, my father was furious 320 00:14:27,074 --> 00:14:29,076 and did something terrible. 321 00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:32,872 He threw my recipes off a cliff. 322 00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:35,916 Everything that reminded him of her. 323 00:14:42,339 --> 00:14:43,674 He lied to me. 324 00:14:43,757 --> 00:14:47,261 He told me she took the recipes with her when she left. 325 00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:48,888 Are you sure, Daddy? 326 00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:51,640 Yes. And don't ask me again till I'm on my deathbed. 327 00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:56,812 (stammers) Wait. Why are you looking like that? 328 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,064 If this man had had those notes, 329 00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:01,191 his life would've been different. 330 00:15:01,275 --> 00:15:02,693 He would've had confidence. 331 00:15:02,776 --> 00:15:04,778 He would've had his mother with him! 332 00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:06,572 I would've had hair! 333 00:15:06,655 --> 00:15:08,782 Homie, that's not very realistic. 334 00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:11,285 And I would've been more realistic. 335 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,623 MARGE: Grampa, so thoughtless. 336 00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:18,834 -Mean old man. -His slippers don't even have bottoms anymore. 337 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:22,838 I never thought I'd say this word, but here it comes: coot. 338 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,257 Homer, why are you smiling? 339 00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:29,386 We're finally hating together as a family. 340 00:15:30,804 --> 00:15:33,682 What do you say we all go to that home and yell at Grampa? 341 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,809 Oh, that would be lovely. 342 00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:38,354 Now enjoy this sweet song of hate. 343 00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:42,483 ♪ If I could save hate in a bottle ♪ 344 00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:45,861 ♪ The first thing that I'd like to do ♪ 345 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,447 ♪ Is to hate every day ♪ 346 00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:51,408 ♪ Till eternity passes away ♪ 347 00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:55,704 ♪ Then end with a giant "screw you" ♪ 348 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:59,625 ♪ But there never seems to be enough time ♪ 349 00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:02,086 ♪ To hate the things you want to hate ♪ 350 00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:04,505 ♪ Once you hate them. ♪ 351 00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:06,465 (sobbing) 352 00:16:06,548 --> 00:16:07,967 (Marge moans softly) 353 00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:11,428 -Lousy Grampa. -MARGE: So heartless. 354 00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:13,764 Always calls me "buddy" or "fella." 355 00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:16,141 Don't forget he's hard of hearing. 356 00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:17,977 Lousy Grampa! 357 00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,728 So heartless! 358 00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:22,106 What you did was crap, Grampa! 359 00:16:22,189 --> 00:16:25,442 -I want to yell at him first. -I want to yell at him first. 360 00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:28,237 Hey, has anyone considered the silent treatment? 361 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,155 The silent treatment doesn't work. 362 00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:33,158 It doesn't work. 363 00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:35,744 It does not work. 364 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,955 (grunts) Okay, fine, it works. 365 00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:40,541 It works so well. 366 00:16:40,624 --> 00:16:43,544 Please say something. 367 00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:45,421 (grunts) 368 00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:47,464 How long has it been? Three months? 369 00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:50,009 I don't even remember a time before this. 370 00:16:53,053 --> 00:16:54,304 Where's Grampa? 371 00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:58,225 -He hasn't touched his lunch. -Or his lunch meds. 372 00:16:58,308 --> 00:17:00,644 "My beloved family..." 373 00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:02,646 Oh, boy. 374 00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,982 GRAMPA: "I've learned an important lesson, 375 00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:07,568 "never get things off your chest. 376 00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:10,112 "Which reminds me of a gal named Chesty Lazar. 377 00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:14,283 "She ran a speakeasy on Hawaii right before Pearl Harbor. 378 00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:16,035 "Pearl Harbor was the name of the lady 379 00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:17,703 who bought the joint..." 380 00:17:17,786 --> 00:17:20,497 Digression... digression... 381 00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:23,208 crazy talk... Ah, here's the end. 382 00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:24,543 GRAMPA: The point is, 383 00:17:24,626 --> 00:17:27,379 confessing don't really make you feel better, 384 00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:30,257 'cause it don't redo the bad thing you did. 385 00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:33,886 So I'm gonna undo what I done if it's the last thing I do. 386 00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:37,222 Hmm. Mm... 387 00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:41,268 Oh, no. He's heading for that cliff to look for those recipes. 388 00:17:41,351 --> 00:17:42,853 I'm gonna find him, save him, 389 00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:46,607 and tell him I can't wait till he dies. 390 00:17:47,649 --> 00:17:49,735 Leave me alone! I'm gonna find it! 391 00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:52,780 Don't do it, Dad! Most is forgiven! 392 00:17:55,699 --> 00:17:58,285 Wait, what's your rope tied to? 393 00:17:58,368 --> 00:17:59,953 (both screaming) 394 00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:02,247 (groans) 395 00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:03,332 -Hmm? -Hmm? 396 00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:05,042 (both groan) 397 00:18:05,125 --> 00:18:06,335 (gasps) Oh, my God. 398 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,256 ALL: Please be okay. Please be okay. 399 00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:13,092 (grunting) 400 00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:14,927 Oh... 401 00:18:15,010 --> 00:18:16,011 Hmm? 402 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,305 -(grunting) -(laughs) 403 00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:21,016 (grunting) 404 00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:23,977 (sighs, sobs) 405 00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:25,479 GRAMPA: Don't worry, son. 406 00:18:25,562 --> 00:18:28,023 This will give you all the rope you need. 407 00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:33,070 Dad, no! I love you! Mom left, but you were there. 408 00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:35,447 Cranky, a little drunk, sometimes not there, 409 00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:37,282 but you were always there. 410 00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:39,910 (sobbing): Oh. You love me. 411 00:18:39,993 --> 00:18:41,829 That's all I need to hear. 412 00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:43,122 (shouts) 413 00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:44,331 (grunts) 414 00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:47,584 (screams, laughs) 415 00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:50,379 Good thing I also threw out your mother's bed when she left. 416 00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:54,842 I can still smell her perfume. (inhales deeply) 417 00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:56,844 And I've got the recipes back. 418 00:18:56,927 --> 00:18:58,554 (hollow rattling) 419 00:18:58,637 --> 00:18:59,763 Huh? 420 00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:04,059 Oh. They're gone, just like Mom. 421 00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:07,104 -I'm sorry, son. -It's okay, Dad. 422 00:19:07,187 --> 00:19:09,231 Life doesn't always give you neat endings 423 00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:11,150 that tie everything up in a bow. 424 00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,653 -Mmm! -Mmm. 425 00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:17,489 This pie is fantastic. 426 00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:20,909 It's what I imagine eating great jazz would be like. 427 00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,744 Always with the jazz. 428 00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:26,373 It tastes exactly like my mom used to make. 429 00:19:26,456 --> 00:19:28,584 Exactly! 430 00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:31,670 Excuse me, how the hell did you get this recipe? 431 00:19:31,753 --> 00:19:33,672 It was a miracle, actually. 432 00:19:33,755 --> 00:19:37,050 33 years ago, this place wasn't doing well, 433 00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:40,012 possibly due to our location under a cliff. 434 00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:42,472 I went out to contemplate my fate... 435 00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:46,226 when, suddenly, like a gift from God, the recipes came. 436 00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:49,688 (magical music plays) 437 00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:54,818 I'd never seen such recipes, 438 00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:56,904 such brilliant fruit combinations 439 00:19:56,987 --> 00:19:59,281 and such beautiful messages on the back. 440 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,704 (gasps) Those messages were for me. 441 00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:08,957 Well, then you should have them. 442 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:12,586 (gasps) Everything tied up in a bow. 443 00:20:17,799 --> 00:20:20,219 What's it say? 444 00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,138 It says, uh... 445 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:26,099 "Your father is an okay guy." 446 00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:29,853 -Aw, thanks for telling me. -Thanks for buying it. 447 00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:31,188 (both laughing) 448 00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,401 Mr. Simpson, based on your budget, 449 00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:39,488 I am afraid there's only one car on this lot you can afford. 450 00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:41,490 -(gasps) -You know this car? 451 00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:43,367 Do I! 452 00:20:43,450 --> 00:20:46,328 Aw, I thought that's where you were. 453 00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:49,623 -(screeching) -Geez, what's wrong with her? 454 00:21:29,162 --> 00:21:31,540 Shh! 455 00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:36,003 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH