1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,005 (shouts) 2 00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:08,341 (printers whirring) 3 00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:13,888 -Mmm. Jam. -(printer beeping) 4 00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:21,354 (Homer yawns) 5 00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:23,440 (laughs) 6 00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:25,066 (footstep splashes) 7 00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:26,818 Okay, okay. 8 00:00:26,901 --> 00:00:29,154 The only explanation is I'm still asleep, 9 00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:31,364 dreaming that the house is flooded. 10 00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:34,117 What does it mean? What does it mean? 11 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,119 It probably means you're under a lot of stress 12 00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:38,955 because this is not a dream and the house is flooded. 13 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,583 -D'oh! -Cowabunga! 14 00:00:41,666 --> 00:00:43,752 (Marge humming) 15 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:45,003 (gasps) 16 00:00:45,086 --> 00:00:46,796 MARGE: Oh, my God. This is horrible! 17 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,673 Although, I do like the sofa better 18 00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:50,216 where the water's carrying it. 19 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,724 How did this happen? 20 00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:01,144 Homie, I don't like where the painting is. 21 00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:02,645 Maybe you're upset about something else. 22 00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:03,688 Are you hungry? 23 00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:05,190 Why don't you make some pork chops? 24 00:01:05,273 --> 00:01:06,357 Fine. 25 00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:09,277 Now can you hang the painting? 26 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,446 Always with the painting. 27 00:01:13,698 --> 00:01:15,909 MARGE: Perfect. Wait, no, no, it's not. 28 00:01:15,992 --> 00:01:18,495 Try again. 29 00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:21,456 Mm. No, split the difference. 30 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,834 See? 31 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:28,713 When you listen to me, we make a great team. 32 00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:31,716 It's almost like I can hear the ocean. 33 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,843 I guess we're both at fault. 34 00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,678 In a way, that's refreshing. 35 00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,806 Do you want me to apologize anyway? 36 00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:40,892 -I'd be happy to. -Aw, no, thanks, sweetie. 37 00:01:40,975 --> 00:01:43,812 HOMER: Hmm. Well, either way, I'm sorry. 38 00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:46,356 Okay, now, when we try to sell the house, 39 00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:48,525 no one mention the water. 40 00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:50,527 Just tell me you paid the insurance. 41 00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:52,403 You mean that bill that's floating right there? 42 00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:55,323 (laughs) It's not due till tomorrow, so relax. 43 00:01:55,406 --> 00:01:58,535 My origami project. 44 00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:01,996 Don't worry, sweetie. We'll have a funeral for it. 45 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:03,998 GIL: All right. 46 00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:07,836 I-I'll just pull up your policy. Alt-Control-F-- Aw, damn it! 47 00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:10,046 Kate! Kate, can you get in here? 48 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:13,466 It's a different generation that knows how to work these things. 49 00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:18,555 -Enjoy. -Eh, the kids, huh? 50 00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:21,224 They just know how to do it. Now let's see here. 51 00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:22,892 (murmurs quietly) 52 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,978 You're in luck! The policy I sold you 53 00:02:25,061 --> 00:02:27,355 covers the full replacement value of your house. 54 00:02:27,438 --> 00:02:28,565 (Homer whoops) 55 00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:31,776 We also pay for six months temporary housing. 56 00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:34,612 Now the bad news: your policy is the only one I've sold. 57 00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:36,197 It just cost the company a bundle, 58 00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,949 and I'm gonna lose my job. 59 00:02:38,032 --> 00:02:39,909 Gee, sorry, ol' Gil. 60 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:43,079 That's okay, I got options: unemployment, suicide. 61 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,415 When one door closes, a coffin opens. 62 00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:48,251 Eh, what am I saying? I don't make coffin money. 63 00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:50,587 But now I got something to work towards! 64 00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:52,088 That's right. 65 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:55,133 Kate, can you tell me how to charge a cell phone? 66 00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:59,929 Whoa, whoa, whoa, so wall holes make things charge? 67 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:01,723 (laughs) What's next? 68 00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:07,312 There are some nice Airbnb options on the Westside. 69 00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:10,064 Ooh. Huh? Huh? 70 00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:11,608 Mm, I'd feel kind of weird 71 00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:15,612 sleeping in the bedroom of someone I know. 72 00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:17,947 Everything okay with the room? 73 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,782 (shouts) You're not supposed to be back 74 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:21,618 from your vacation for three weeks. 75 00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:23,328 It's not a vacation. 76 00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:25,455 My dad is doing seasonal fruit picking. 77 00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:27,123 Come on, Milhouse. 78 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:30,460 I need you on my shoulders to reach the high apples. 79 00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:32,462 And I don't want to be in a room 80 00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:35,924 where guys walked around with their dinguses out. 81 00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:38,635 No! No, don't imagine that! 82 00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:43,640 So, son, uh, word on the street is you've come into some money. 83 00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,183 Yeah? 84 00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:48,436 I was wondering, you know, uh-- just hear me out-- 85 00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:51,022 I've always considered you a friend, and... 86 00:03:51,105 --> 00:03:53,024 Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. 87 00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:55,693 This is the most precious kind of money there is: 88 00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:57,695 unearned, and it's mine. 89 00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:59,864 And you're not getting at it just because you need 90 00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:02,283 a bigger TV or a room with a window or... 91 00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:03,785 An operation. 92 00:04:03,868 --> 00:04:06,496 You need an operation? What's the matter? 93 00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:08,289 If it's all the same, it's embarrassing, 94 00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:10,333 and I'd rather not discuss it publicly. 95 00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:11,834 Really? What could it be? 96 00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:14,796 Look, it's important to me and pricey. 97 00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,631 What could it be? 98 00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:21,302 "Pane in the ass"? 99 00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:23,054 (buzzing) 100 00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:24,514 (imitates buzzer) Hands off! 101 00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:26,182 I need professional help! 102 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,726 Not to worry. This is the United States. 103 00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:31,145 We have the third best health care system 104 00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:32,522 in North America. 105 00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:34,148 Hi, Medicare! 106 00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:36,359 I mean, hi, every-money. 107 00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:38,653 Can I speak with the doctor alone? 108 00:04:38,736 --> 00:04:41,030 Of course. 109 00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,199 Oh, wait, I'm the doctor. 110 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:46,369 That's why I wear the heart listening tube. 111 00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:48,413 Ba-boom, ba-boom. 112 00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:50,415 That never gets old. 113 00:04:50,498 --> 00:04:53,418 What's taking Grampa so long in there? 114 00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:56,337 It's crazy that medical costs are so high here. 115 00:04:56,421 --> 00:05:00,717 In Denmark-- to pick a country at random-- health care is free. 116 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:04,387 Free? Honey, nothing is free but Splendas. 117 00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:07,473 In Denmark, they make everyone pay high taxes. 118 00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:09,017 Even rich people. 119 00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:11,352 Yes, and they get free health care. 120 00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:13,396 It's called socialism. 121 00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:17,191 Socialism? But all my radio loudmouths tell me to hate that. 122 00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:19,360 That doc can't do nothing for me. 123 00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:22,947 You know, if Grampa was in Denmark and he had an accident, 124 00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:25,783 he'd get medical care for free! 125 00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:27,785 I can't go to Denmark by myself. 126 00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:30,246 I get lost in the middle of a sentence, 127 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:34,250 and that was the best pie I ever had. 128 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,753 Wait a minute. What if we used our insurance money 129 00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:39,130 to take a family trip to Denmark? 130 00:05:39,213 --> 00:05:40,798 Why would we want to go to Denmark? 131 00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:43,968 It is the happiest country on Earth, in poll after poll. 132 00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:47,597 I got your poll right here. 133 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:48,931 Hey, you're right. 134 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,142 Homer, you've got the vacation coming. 135 00:05:51,225 --> 00:05:53,269 We've got the money. It's settled. 136 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:57,065 We're going to Denmark, and Grampa will get fixed. 137 00:05:57,148 --> 00:06:00,485 Well, Homer, looks like Marge is the boss in your house. 138 00:06:00,568 --> 00:06:02,320 Well, I say we don't go! 139 00:06:02,403 --> 00:06:04,197 But we need to go. I'm desperate! 140 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:05,656 Fine, we'll go. 141 00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:08,826 (laughs) That woman's got you right under her thumb. 142 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,086 DANISH MAN: None of these were chosen 143 00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:20,421 as the name of our airline. Danish Air. 144 00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:24,967 Excuse me, sir, the "no smoking" sign has been illuminated. 145 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:27,595 (electronic chiming) 146 00:06:27,678 --> 00:06:29,680 Sorry. 147 00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:32,475 The flight attendants are so sweet. 148 00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:35,269 We will be landing in Copenhagen shortly. 149 00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:37,772 If you have been designing and building furniture 150 00:06:37,855 --> 00:06:41,692 during the flight, please apply your final coat of varnish now. 151 00:06:43,611 --> 00:06:45,822 Hey, I got things done, too. 152 00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:47,824 GRAMPA: What the...?! 153 00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:50,410 SOREN: Denmark, the jewel of the Baltic. 154 00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:52,995 First-class schools, sleek furniture design, 155 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,372 energy independence, 156 00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:58,501 and brooding TV dramas about teenagers getting killed. 157 00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:01,129 Thank you so much for renting my apartment. 158 00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:02,964 It's so efficient. 159 00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:09,679 Please allow me to give you a tour of Copenhagen. 160 00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:13,182 Wonderful. But first, a nap. 161 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:16,477 No, Homer. You slept on the plane. 162 00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:19,272 You slept through customs. You slept on the bus. 163 00:07:19,355 --> 00:07:21,190 How can you sleep now? 164 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,985 Don't you hear Copenhagen calling? 165 00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:26,070 Take a message. 166 00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:31,492 ♪ ♪ 167 00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:38,082 The people here are so openly affectionate. 168 00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:39,667 Why don't we all hold hands? 169 00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:41,836 Are we supposed to interlock fingers or not? 170 00:07:41,919 --> 00:07:43,296 Cramp! Cramp! 171 00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:44,839 Dad's hands are covered with jam. 172 00:07:44,922 --> 00:07:47,258 -I can't get it off! -Grampa's hands are too rough. 173 00:07:47,341 --> 00:07:49,552 -Lisa's hands are too soft. -Just keep holding. 174 00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:51,512 Oh, don't worry, the government will pay you 175 00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:53,055 to learn this social skill. 176 00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:55,349 Uh, Homer, you are holding your own hand. 177 00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:59,187 They're fighting over a Danish. 178 00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:01,522 SOREN: Created in 1913, The Little Mermaid 179 00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:03,900 is a world-famous icon of Denmark. 180 00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:06,152 No, The Little Mermaid was created by Disney, 181 00:08:06,235 --> 00:08:08,863 right before he created Spider-Man and Star Wars. 182 00:08:08,946 --> 00:08:10,573 This is the real little mermaid. 183 00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:12,533 And she was a very tragic figure. 184 00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:14,577 -What about her buddy, the crab? -There was no crab! 185 00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:16,370 He was the only funny thing in it. 186 00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:17,538 Got that right. 187 00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:19,373 Oh, my God, it's wonderful. 188 00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:21,751 More people biking than driving cars. 189 00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:23,294 Yes, it's rush hour, 190 00:08:23,377 --> 00:08:25,922 so people are taking the bicycle superhighways home. 191 00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:27,632 Uh, how crowded are your bicycle superhighways? 192 00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:29,133 (chuckles): Well... 193 00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:30,635 We don't have any. 194 00:08:30,718 --> 00:08:32,845 But how many people ride bikes in your town? 195 00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:34,555 The paperboy, till Dad hit him. 196 00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:36,766 Sadly, the one headline he couldn't deliver. 197 00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:39,185 Wait a minute, wait a minute, stop the car! 198 00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:42,772 (Homer and Bart laugh) 199 00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,941 What? It's Danish for "speed check." 200 00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:47,485 -Fart kontrol. -(Homer and Bart laughing) 201 00:08:47,568 --> 00:08:49,237 (blows raspberries) 202 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:50,738 (giggles) 203 00:08:50,821 --> 00:08:52,573 I apologize for my husband. 204 00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:54,784 In our language, that sign means something else. 205 00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:56,285 Yes, I know. 206 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,120 I'm speaking to you in your language. 207 00:09:01,290 --> 00:09:04,669 "Non-Danes do not qualify for the free health care. 208 00:09:04,752 --> 00:09:07,171 "But if you injure yourself in Denmark, 209 00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:10,591 a Danish hospital will treat you for free." 210 00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:14,303 (chuckles) I can't believe the government puts this out. 211 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:15,763 For free! 212 00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:17,515 (Homer and Grampa laugh) 213 00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:19,809 Excuse me, you dropped this. 214 00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:23,312 Lisa, this is Prince Christian, second in line to the throne. 215 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:26,315 ♪ ♪ 216 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,359 I play the tenor sax. 217 00:09:28,442 --> 00:09:30,444 Oh, no, here it comes. 218 00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:32,863 The fantasy about becoming a princess 219 00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:34,991 that no girl can resist. 220 00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:37,076 ♪ ♪ 221 00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:55,094 (trumpets playing fanfare) 222 00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:57,847 (dramatic soundtrack music playing) 223 00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:03,978 Bart, get out of my fantasy! 224 00:10:04,061 --> 00:10:07,064 Ah, geez, I saved your life. How about a "you're welcome"? 225 00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:10,901 Can you imagine how exciting it would be 226 00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:12,486 to live in this city? 227 00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:14,905 Ooh, Mom, we could try it for a semester. 228 00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:18,242 Do you know how long I've wanted to live in a Celsius country? 229 00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:20,077 There's boobs on the billboards! 230 00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:23,372 And we're here in the world's most perfect amusement park. 231 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:26,083 (fireworks whistling, popping) 232 00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:27,376 (both gasp) 233 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,462 (choir singing in Danish) 234 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:35,551 Their national anthem is so beautiful, 235 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:38,220 and they don't get to war until the second verse. 236 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:41,891 And it's in a range you can actually sing. 237 00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:47,355 ♪ There is a lovely land ♪ 238 00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:52,568 ♪ With spreading shady beech-trees ♪ 239 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:56,614 ♪ Near salty eastern shore ♪ 240 00:10:56,697 --> 00:11:03,412 ♪ Near salty eastern shore. ♪ 241 00:11:05,289 --> 00:11:09,627 Bart and Lisa are getting along! This country is calling to us. 242 00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:12,421 Homer, can you take the daring step 243 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,632 of doing nothing and staying here? 244 00:11:14,715 --> 00:11:16,801 There are big reasons why we can't live here. 245 00:11:16,884 --> 00:11:19,387 I'm okay with nuclear power, but wind power? 246 00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:23,140 -Frankly, it sounds dangerous. -Excuse me, white trash. 247 00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:25,643 Is this the kind of country you want to live in? 248 00:11:25,726 --> 00:11:28,896 No, sir. I meant we separate our trash by colors. 249 00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:34,485 ♪ This country is still lovely ♪ 250 00:11:34,568 --> 00:11:38,322 ♪ Because blue is the lake wind... ♪ 251 00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:41,784 I can't believe you're talking about leaving Springfield. 252 00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:44,036 That's where all my friends are. 253 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,584 Look, everyone, we came here to rip this country off, 254 00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:53,671 and that's what we're gonna do and then go home. 255 00:11:53,754 --> 00:11:56,966 Fine. Let's find a place that has good smorrebrod, 256 00:11:57,049 --> 00:12:01,303 or maybe some morbradbof or flaeskesteg. 257 00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:02,972 Women do love this country. 258 00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:04,765 Homer, do you think I'm handsome? 259 00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:07,143 Well, yes. I was gonna mention it. 260 00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:10,312 -I am a Danish four. -I'm an American nine. 261 00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:12,982 ("America the Beautiful" playing) 262 00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:15,526 How could my family want to stay here? 263 00:12:15,609 --> 00:12:19,447 In America, we have great TV channels, like BBC America, 264 00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:23,159 and a factory for cheesecakes-- a factory! 265 00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:26,120 Your enthusiasm makes me want to follow you there. 266 00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:27,955 Foreigners are no longer welcome. 267 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,500 All right, Dad, no more fooling around. 268 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:34,503 Time to get you in the hospital, so we can go home. 269 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,589 ♪ ♪ 270 00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:59,111 ♪ ♪ 271 00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:18,839 Hello. How was your day? 272 00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:21,091 Eh. This country sure is safe. 273 00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:23,511 Well, last week, an older tourist 274 00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:25,554 had a bad fall at Kronborg Castle. 275 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:29,391 Of course, Kronborg Castle. Why didn't I think of it? 276 00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,727 Probably because I never heard of it. 277 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,771 TOUR GUIDE: Dating back to the 15th century, 278 00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:36,524 Kronborg was immortalized as Elsinore 279 00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,108 in Shakespeare's Hamlet. 280 00:13:38,192 --> 00:13:39,693 Isn't it beautiful? 281 00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:42,446 Yeah, the castle's okay, but the keep is, like, meh. 282 00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,740 And I'll tell you something else great about here. 283 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,409 You've been walking so much, you've lost weight. 284 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:50,120 (gasps) I'm down to my pre-pregnancy weight! 285 00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:53,082 Homer, in this most beautiful spot on Earth, 286 00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:57,753 I have to admit to you, I really don't want to go home. 287 00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,880 -I don't either. -Let's stay. 288 00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:02,258 Think about how happy we'd be here. 289 00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:06,804 It's healthy, it's clean, it's incredibly civilized, 290 00:14:06,887 --> 00:14:09,640 and everything is done in moderation. 291 00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:11,767 You're not describing a country. 292 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,645 You're describing everything that's the opposite of me. 293 00:14:14,728 --> 00:14:16,647 Everyone here speaks perfect English. 294 00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:18,607 Probably gonna be around in five years. 295 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:21,652 It's just a nice place and we like it. 296 00:14:21,735 --> 00:14:25,239 All I ask is that you think about it. 297 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:31,370 Maybe she's right. Maybe we should move here. 298 00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:36,417 Tubby or not tubby, that is the question. 299 00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,127 Whether 'tis nobler in the mind 300 00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:41,297 to gobble the wings and nachos of outrageous portions, 301 00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:43,340 or just eat fish and end them. 302 00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:47,511 Ay, there's the rub-- brisket rub, Memphis rub. 303 00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:51,974 Oh, the rubs I'll miss when I have shuffled off from Buffalo. 304 00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,809 Mozzarella-- No. 305 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,645 I'm an American, and we've got to get back to America, 306 00:14:56,729 --> 00:15:00,566 the greatest country on Earth, 1917 to 2016. 307 00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:06,488 This is the famous Holger Danish, our sleeping king. 308 00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:07,990 All right, Dad, here we go. 309 00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:10,910 There's nothing more American than a slip and fall. 310 00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:13,829 -(grunts) -Whoa! 311 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,331 Hold on, son. 312 00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:18,292 Before you push me down these stairs, I have a confession. 313 00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:20,961 The procedure I need isn't a surgery. 314 00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:23,881 I just need to remove an old tattoo. 315 00:15:23,964 --> 00:15:26,842 You made us come here because of a stupid tattoo? 316 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:29,720 It's not just any tattoo. 317 00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:33,390 (gasps) Mom? 318 00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:38,020 No! Mona Malloy, who used to iron my shirts. 319 00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:40,105 Of course it's your mother. 320 00:15:42,733 --> 00:15:45,736 I can't go to my grave with this hanging over my heart. 321 00:15:45,819 --> 00:15:47,363 Why is it guys like us 322 00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:49,865 are always disappointing the women we love? 323 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:53,243 I would ask Mona, but she's spending eternity hating me, 324 00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:54,870 from her pit in hell. 325 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,580 I miss her, too. 326 00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:59,500 Her greatest skill was making people miss her. 327 00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:01,377 (sobbing) 328 00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:04,004 -Hello. -She's talking to you. 329 00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:06,715 Mm, I'll talk to someone my age. 330 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,217 (chuckles) 331 00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:11,053 Excuse me. I felt compelled to meet you. 332 00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:14,098 I've never met a man with empathy so deep 333 00:16:14,181 --> 00:16:15,766 he weeps in public. 334 00:16:15,849 --> 00:16:17,893 Oh, yeah, I cry, I blubber. 335 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,937 Sometimes stuff comes out of my nose. 336 00:16:20,020 --> 00:16:21,939 Well... (sighs) 337 00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:24,733 Danish men never reveal such emotion. 338 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:27,111 They're like cold, flawless gods. 339 00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:29,446 Look, lady, I'm a married man. 340 00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:32,074 -I'm a married man. -Shh. 341 00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:33,742 (muffled): I'm a married man. 342 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:37,538 Here, marriage is not such a sacred institution. 343 00:16:37,621 --> 00:16:40,082 Danes are very free sexually. 344 00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:44,294 Perhaps it's because we are more sensitive to each other's needs, 345 00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:46,755 or just because we're all so freaking hot. 346 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:50,926 Now let us dance our traditional dance of passion. 347 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,344 Okay. 348 00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:54,430 -(lively Danish music playing) -(excited shouting) 349 00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:07,776 Do you know the Danes eat more ice cream than any other people? 350 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,820 Yet their rate of heart disease is-- 351 00:17:09,903 --> 00:17:12,072 Oh, it's their number one cause of death. 352 00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:13,824 Well, look where we got it. 353 00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:17,411 Well, that never stopped your father. 354 00:17:17,494 --> 00:17:20,497 I'll just text a picture of you right now, eating the ice-- 355 00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:21,832 Oh, my God. 356 00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:24,084 (gasps) Marge. 357 00:17:26,086 --> 00:17:27,337 Where are you going? 358 00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:29,757 Where will I ever find another man like you? 359 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:32,801 Hi, we're the Kiwanis Club of Cheeseburg, Ohio. 360 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:36,388 (sighs): Oh... hio. 361 00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:39,016 I must confess to you now, 362 00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:42,686 every couple that has Airbnb'd my apartment has broken up. 363 00:17:42,770 --> 00:17:45,105 Then how did it get so many good reviews? 364 00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:46,815 They like the big apartment cat. 365 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:49,777 Oh, I do like it. Ooh, let me scratch your chin! 366 00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,153 (purring) 367 00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:53,155 He's so chubby, I just can't take it! 368 00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:55,032 Marge, honey, I'm so sorry. 369 00:17:55,115 --> 00:17:57,534 We shared a dance and a fish, but that's it. 370 00:17:57,618 --> 00:18:00,537 -I understand. It's fine. -So you're coming home? 371 00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:03,290 No, I'm not. I want to stay. 372 00:18:03,373 --> 00:18:07,002 I don't know for how long, but I feel so alive and free. 373 00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,670 I've stopped wearing a bra. 374 00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:11,298 (gasps) That means they're just one fabric away 375 00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:13,217 from the cool Scandinavian air. 376 00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:15,844 Sorry, Homie. We're not leaving. 377 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:18,722 Well, the kids can't just replace me. 378 00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:22,017 He's so cozy. He can sleep with Mom. 379 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,061 Can I get you a beer? 380 00:18:24,144 --> 00:18:26,146 (purring) 381 00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:28,273 (Homer groans) 382 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,070 -Dad, wait. -(gasps) 383 00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:36,240 Mom says you can take these home with you. It's a bag of bras. 384 00:18:36,323 --> 00:18:40,077 And I just learned how to unhook these. 385 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,539 Oh, my God. What am I doing? 386 00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,541 I should be having the time of my life 387 00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:48,877 in this airport security line, but it's nothing without Marge. 388 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,921 Son, I got to tell you something. 389 00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:53,215 -You're making a huge mistake. -I know. 390 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,384 I let stubbornness ruin my marriage, 391 00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:58,554 and all I have to show for it is an old tattoo. 392 00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:01,682 -Go back to your woman. -You mean the one in the bar? 393 00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:03,934 First the one in the bar, then Marge. 394 00:19:04,017 --> 00:19:05,561 No! Just Marge. 395 00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:07,396 ♪ ♪ 396 00:19:13,443 --> 00:19:16,029 -Marge! -(gasps) You missed the flight. 397 00:19:16,113 --> 00:19:18,740 Marge, baby, wherever you are is home. 398 00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:20,367 I'm staying in Copenhagen. 399 00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:22,035 I'm glad you came back, 400 00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:25,414 but I was kind of rethinking living here. 401 00:19:25,497 --> 00:19:27,082 Why? 402 00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,042 The toilet's in the shower. 403 00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:30,627 The washing machine won't even hold 404 00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:32,337 one pair of your underpants. 405 00:19:34,882 --> 00:19:38,135 And you see how dark it is? 406 00:19:38,218 --> 00:19:40,304 It's 11:00 in the morning. 407 00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:44,057 (yawns) 408 00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:46,977 Well, that was a nice day. 409 00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:49,396 I think I'm ready to go home. 410 00:19:49,479 --> 00:19:50,814 You got it, baby. 411 00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:52,774 We'll ditch this paradise and never come back. 412 00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,109 What about the kids? 413 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,528 I heard the schools are really great here. I'm out. 414 00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:59,364 I want to stay, but no one ever listens to me. 415 00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:00,991 So we're all united. 416 00:20:01,074 --> 00:20:02,618 -Yay! -All right! -Whoo! 417 00:20:02,701 --> 00:20:06,038 But I can't help thinking I'm forgetting something. 418 00:20:08,332 --> 00:20:10,918 Sir, those birds were already fed by the state. 419 00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:14,004 You are overfeeding them, which will kill them. 420 00:20:14,087 --> 00:20:15,422 (Grampa grunts) 421 00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:24,431 When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. 422 00:20:24,514 --> 00:20:27,142 OTHERS: Aw. 423 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,977 So how much do we owe you? 424 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:31,980 Nothing. In Denmark, we have socialized tattooing. 425 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:35,609 And with that, our country is out of money. Good-bye. 426 00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:43,700 (panting) 427 00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:30,622 Shh! 428 00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:36,003 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH