1 00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:10,468 (short, indistinct sound bites) 2 00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:11,845 -Everyone... -(all singing) 3 00:00:11,928 --> 00:00:13,847 -ANNOUNCER: ...was napping. -♪ ♪ 4 00:00:13,930 --> 00:00:15,849 -Ahmed Adoody. -MARGE: Wait, there's... 5 00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:17,142 -♪ My people. ♪ -...come down to the stu... 6 00:00:17,225 --> 00:00:19,185 ♪ ♪ 7 00:00:19,936 --> 00:00:21,146 (grunts) 8 00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:22,564 Steamed ham. 9 00:00:23,231 --> 00:00:25,900 The cosmic ballet goes on. 10 00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:27,193 -Gigantism. -King of the world! 11 00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:29,487 Oh, this is the best gift of all, Homer. 12 00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:31,489 -It is? -What's his name? 13 00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:32,949 Number Eight. 14 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,243 Uh, I mean, Santa's Little Helper. 15 00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:38,329 Why does Homer talk like Walter Matthau? 16 00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:40,999 (cello playing) 17 00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:45,545 Hey, Martin Princess. 18 00:00:45,628 --> 00:00:49,049 If you like that cello so much, why don't you marry it? 19 00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:51,384 -No heckling. -Way to quash 'em, sir. 20 00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:53,595 Hey, Skinner, if you like Chalmers so much, 21 00:00:53,678 --> 00:00:55,138 why don't you marry him? 22 00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:56,556 Well, as the superintendent, 23 00:00:56,639 --> 00:00:58,475 he's married to all the principals. 24 00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:00,477 Thank you. You've made the anniversary 25 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:03,229 of my wife's death even more depressing. 26 00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,065 Who likes happy songs? 27 00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:06,524 (cheering) 28 00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:08,860 Well, for those of you who didn't cheer, 29 00:01:08,943 --> 00:01:12,697 here's a very sad song about the world today. 30 00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:15,909 She loves me. She loves me not. 31 00:01:15,992 --> 00:01:18,787 Oh, why do I always use flowers with two petals? 32 00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:20,872 (melancholy saxophone music playing) 33 00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:30,965 Simpson, pull the fire alarm. 34 00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:32,467 You want me to embarrass my sister 35 00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:33,885 in front of the whole school? 36 00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:34,928 No. 37 00:01:35,011 --> 00:01:36,971 I dared you. 38 00:01:39,682 --> 00:01:40,683 Don't do it, Bart. 39 00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,769 Please. I love you. 40 00:01:42,852 --> 00:01:45,063 I'm not doing it. I'm refusing a dare. 41 00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:48,024 You just signed your death warrant, Simpson. 42 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,193 And we're the witnesses. 43 00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:53,321 All we need is a notary. 44 00:01:53,404 --> 00:01:57,200 -ALL (chanting): Notary. Notary. -We'll see. 45 00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:58,952 Oh, it's that kid who refused a dare. 46 00:01:59,035 --> 00:02:00,578 His life is ruined. 47 00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:03,039 I'm turning my back on you. 48 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,833 Hi, Bart. 49 00:02:04,916 --> 00:02:06,209 Simpson, I'd like to see you in my office. 50 00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:07,627 Your parents are waiting. 51 00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:09,212 KIDS: Whoa. 52 00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:10,672 (singsongy): Bart's got a dad. 53 00:02:10,755 --> 00:02:12,674 Bart's got a dad. 54 00:02:12,757 --> 00:02:14,300 I do not. 55 00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:17,929 Bart, I just want to say... 56 00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:20,431 I'm so proud of you. 57 00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:22,767 Dad, do you think I did the right thing? 58 00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:24,894 Of course, absolutely. 59 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,522 You did the worst thing any boy can do. 60 00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:30,483 It's worse than wetting your pants while on Santa's lap, 61 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,735 and I've been on both sides of that one. 62 00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:33,820 I'm sorry. 63 00:02:33,903 --> 00:02:36,823 Bart, you have to take a dare. 64 00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:38,783 -B-B-But what if it's...? -Any dare. 65 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:41,327 Grampa, Dad says I have to take a dare. 66 00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:43,037 I had Homer on a dare, 67 00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:45,957 and as horrible as that worked out, I'd do that again. 68 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,042 Why did someone dare you to have Homer? 69 00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:50,295 It was after the war; we needed babies. 70 00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:52,463 Bart, I have a secret. 71 00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:54,966 I've never been happier to be your mother. 72 00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:56,885 You're a good boy. 73 00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:59,971 Mom, please. Somebody might hear you. 74 00:03:00,054 --> 00:03:03,016 (both grunting) 75 00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:04,934 (kids laughing) 76 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,436 Oh, look at him! (squeals) 77 00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:09,272 Ha-ha. Bart's mom wears a seat belt. 78 00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:10,440 (laughter) 79 00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:12,442 Let them laugh, Bart. 80 00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:14,068 This is wonderful. 81 00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:17,697 Every laugh turns into one more smoochie-poo from Mom. 82 00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:19,699 (smooching) 83 00:03:19,782 --> 00:03:21,409 Cut it out. 84 00:03:21,492 --> 00:03:22,660 (boat horn blows) 85 00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:25,788 Three cheers for the mama's boys. 86 00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,916 Sorry to do this on Mother's Day! 87 00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:29,626 (splashing) 88 00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:35,340 So, Simpson, word on the street is 89 00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:37,342 you're looking for a dare. 90 00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:39,010 Yeah, fine. 91 00:03:39,093 --> 00:03:40,970 I need to get this monkey off my back. 92 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,931 Hey, how about that for a dare? 93 00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:44,599 Putting a monkey on his back. 94 00:03:44,682 --> 00:03:46,476 And after we're done, then what? 95 00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:49,312 We have a monkey that's our permanent responsibility. 96 00:03:49,395 --> 00:03:52,065 Yeah, think ahead, dingus. 97 00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:55,693 Simpson, I dare you to jump into the reservoir 98 00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:57,445 from Dead Boy's Ledge. 99 00:03:57,528 --> 00:04:00,740 We'll be watching from Haw-Haw Heights. 100 00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:05,495 Simpson, is that your kid? 101 00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:07,288 Oh, my God. I've got to stop him! 102 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,706 I dare you not to. 103 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,375 Oh, uh, oh. 104 00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:12,252 It was a joke, idiot. Get your kid. 105 00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:13,920 (laughs) 106 00:04:14,003 --> 00:04:15,463 (shrieks) Bart! 107 00:04:15,546 --> 00:04:17,298 Do I really have to do this? 108 00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:18,549 JIMBO: I dare you. 109 00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:20,093 (echoing): Dare you. Dare you. 110 00:04:20,176 --> 00:04:22,095 Dare you. 111 00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:23,846 I love Echo Canyon. 112 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:25,932 Oh, this place sure has a lot of names. 113 00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:27,934 Cowabunga! 114 00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:29,018 (screams) 115 00:04:30,728 --> 00:04:32,647 We've done all we could. 116 00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:33,648 Run! 117 00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:34,941 Beat it! 118 00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:37,819 -(beeping) -He'll be fine. 119 00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:41,281 -(chimes) -And my burrito's ready. 120 00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:42,740 Mmm. 121 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:44,867 Your boy should wake up soon. Mmm. 122 00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:47,328 All right. This time, he's really done it. 123 00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:49,163 We're gonna have to do something. 124 00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:51,416 Change schools. Move. 125 00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:53,376 Whatever it takes. 126 00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:54,752 Mom? 127 00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:57,630 -Sweetie, are you okay? -I am. 128 00:04:57,714 --> 00:05:00,758 Then why would you do such a stupid, stupid thing? 129 00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:02,969 Marge, Marge. As someone who's fallen off 130 00:05:03,052 --> 00:05:04,762 a cliff multiple times, 131 00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:06,597 the best thing we can do 132 00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:09,225 is teach him how to fall off cliffs. 133 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,935 I just want to know, Bart. 134 00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:13,980 I had hope and now I don't. Why? 135 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:17,108 HOMER: Please, O Lord. 136 00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:19,360 Let him think of an awesome lie. 137 00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:23,614 Well, when I was in the other world... 138 00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:24,699 What other world? 139 00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:25,908 Hmm, hmm... 140 00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:27,660 I'm not sure. 141 00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:32,248 But it was joyful, clouds, harps, Abe Lincoln. 142 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,875 Oh, my God, Marge! 143 00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:35,460 I think our son went to heaven. 144 00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:36,878 Were there any other presidents? 145 00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:39,422 -No. -It was heaven. What else, boy? 146 00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:40,923 I have a message for you, Mom. 147 00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:42,925 -From who? -Jesus. 148 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:45,094 Don't say that if it's not true. 149 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:46,512 You have to believe him, Marge. 150 00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,348 It's a deathbed confession. 151 00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:49,807 He's not on his deathbed. 152 00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:52,685 The guy in the bed before him died. 153 00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:56,647 Mom. Jesus said to tell you, "Things will get better." 154 00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:59,484 Oh, I really want to believe that. 155 00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:02,153 If you saw Jesus, did you see anything else? 156 00:06:02,236 --> 00:06:04,447 I saw your dad, Grandpa Bouvier. 157 00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:07,450 Tell me something he said that only I would know. 158 00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:08,910 -He said... -HOMER: Hmm? 159 00:06:08,993 --> 00:06:10,161 ...he thinks Homer is an idiot. 160 00:06:10,244 --> 00:06:11,662 (Marge gasps, Homer groans) 161 00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:14,707 Oh, my God, I can hear his voice through you. 162 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:16,626 (crying): Excuse me a minute. 163 00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:18,002 Good work, boy. 164 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:19,837 You got us off the hook in the short term, 165 00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:22,840 which is all that ever matters. (grunts) 166 00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:30,139 -Tell me more about heaven, son. -Jesus rides a rainbow horse. 167 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,392 Fascinating. Is the horse rainbow-colored? 168 00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,310 Or does it walk on a rainbow? 169 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,687 Uh... rainbows come out its butt. 170 00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:38,981 (gasps) Let me ponder that with joy. 171 00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,234 Mmm. Tell me more, son. 172 00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:43,611 Well, there's no cracks on the sidewalks. 173 00:06:43,694 --> 00:06:45,822 And saying you brushed your teeth makes it true. 174 00:06:47,865 --> 00:06:50,660 You can go to baseball games with all the dead players. 175 00:06:50,743 --> 00:06:52,453 And you always catch a home run. 176 00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:54,288 And the angels talk to each other like this: 177 00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:55,873 (trills lips) 178 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:58,584 Does this, uh, Jesus have any tattoos 179 00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:00,378 or distinguishing marks? 180 00:07:00,461 --> 00:07:04,215 No, but he really thinks the sermons are too long. 181 00:07:04,298 --> 00:07:07,927 Boys, we're gonna have a talk with the Reverend. 182 00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:12,849 LISA: Bart. 183 00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:14,851 I've held my tongue, because I appreciate 184 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,727 you not ruining my song. 185 00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:19,355 Can't ruin what already sucks. Burn. 186 00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:22,400 (sighs) All right. I'm just gonna say it. 187 00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:24,569 I don't think you really saw Jesus. 188 00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:26,070 You know, the Lord warned me 189 00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:28,197 there'd be disbelievers. Begone! 190 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:31,033 I don't know why you're doing this, but beware, 191 00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:33,536 little lies lead to big lies. 192 00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:36,831 -And big lies get punished. -(doorbell rings) 193 00:07:36,914 --> 00:07:39,375 (gravelly voice): Ooh! That's the Devil ringing that bell. 194 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,960 Are you gonna answer? 195 00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:42,879 Hey, don't think you can scare the boy who died 196 00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:44,422 and went to heaven. 197 00:07:44,505 --> 00:07:46,674 -(doorbell rings) -(gravelly voice): Get the door. 198 00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:49,177 Hey, cut it out. 199 00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:51,262 (normal voice): Oh, no, it's stuck. 200 00:07:51,345 --> 00:07:53,181 Hello, Bart. 201 00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:55,600 We are Christian movie producers. 202 00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:59,562 So... you give all your profits back to the church? 203 00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:02,523 Uh... (coughs) 204 00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:04,775 You... uh... Could you, uh, uh... 205 00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:06,527 Could you get your dad? 206 00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:08,988 Homer, we're the best in the business. 207 00:08:09,071 --> 00:08:12,325 Our films average 98% on Rotten Communion Wafers. 208 00:08:12,408 --> 00:08:15,995 Now, we'd like to tell your son's story. 209 00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:19,373 You want to make a movie out of what happened to Bart? 210 00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:20,583 Well, absolutely. 211 00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:22,293 Unless it's not true. 212 00:08:22,376 --> 00:08:26,214 HOMER: Okay, I could admit the boy totally lied 213 00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:30,968 or I could make a movie inspired by true events. 214 00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:33,095 (giggles) 215 00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:35,515 Brother Homer, why do you hesitate? 216 00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:38,976 I hesitate because I am stunned 217 00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:41,312 that you doubt the Word of God! 218 00:08:41,395 --> 00:08:42,313 -(gasping) -Whoa. 219 00:08:42,396 --> 00:08:43,314 Then we have a deal. 220 00:08:43,397 --> 00:08:44,690 Not so fast. 221 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:47,610 Like most of America, I think I know the movie business. 222 00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:49,820 Please. What would you like? 223 00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:51,405 I want input on the script. 224 00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:53,533 I want two seats to the premiere. 225 00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:55,409 And my wife needs a seat as well. 226 00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:57,620 And I'm not thanking the Georgia Film Commission, 227 00:08:57,703 --> 00:08:59,121 no matter what. 228 00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:01,832 We will need to pray on this, Brother Homer. 229 00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:03,751 Of course. So will we. 230 00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:05,169 Kneel down, boy. 231 00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:06,420 What for? 232 00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:11,425 Because we're going to pray like we often do. 233 00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:14,887 Heavenly God, who art in heaven, holler out your name. 234 00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:17,640 Thy Kingdom come. I'm almost done. 235 00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:20,184 Ooh. Can this square join your circle? 236 00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:22,270 Absotively-posilutely. 237 00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:24,480 In that same spirit, I'm glad to hear it. 238 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,274 -Oh, hi-diddly-do. -A-dum-dum-diddly. -Diddly-doodly, brother. 239 00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:27,858 -Diddly-doodly-diddly-dice. -Diddly. Diddly. 240 00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:29,694 -Nice to diddly meet you. -Brotherino. 241 00:09:29,777 --> 00:09:33,406 I heard movie meetings were horrible, but I had no idea. 242 00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:34,991 Well, perhaps you could write 243 00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:37,034 the screenplay with Brother Homer. 244 00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:38,786 Um, eh, I don't think so. 245 00:09:38,869 --> 00:09:40,371 Wait, wait, wait. 246 00:09:40,454 --> 00:09:42,456 I'm being filled with the spirit of Jesus. 247 00:09:43,791 --> 00:09:45,543 Oh, yeah? What's he saying? 248 00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:48,337 He says he wants Dad and Mr. Flanders 249 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:51,591 to work together day after day in a tiny room, 250 00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:53,342 preferably holding hands. 251 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,635 Why, you... 252 00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:56,846 No booze, sodas, or chocolate milk. 253 00:09:56,929 --> 00:09:59,390 And the only snacks are celery sticks. 254 00:09:59,473 --> 00:10:00,975 Celery sticks. 255 00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:03,060 -(groans) -Not done yet. 256 00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:05,688 Dad, Jesus wants you to take Flanders bowling. 257 00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:07,982 -(angry groan) -Tie his shoes for him. 258 00:10:08,065 --> 00:10:09,734 -What for? -And kiss his ball. 259 00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:12,361 -Why, you... -This is the Word of the Lord. 260 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:15,573 With that kind of attention, I could roll a 73. 261 00:10:15,656 --> 00:10:21,037 (groaning): Oh... 262 00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:26,667 ♪ ♪ 263 00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:30,504 What are you guys doing? 264 00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:32,548 What's it look like? We're working. 265 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,467 (annoyed grunt) 266 00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:36,510 Maybe we should take a break. 267 00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:38,596 Good idea. 268 00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:41,474 Okay, come on. 269 00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:44,727 Lenny, you've pitched "That's what she said" 30 times already. 270 00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,896 I highly doubt that's the Word of God. 271 00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:48,731 -Try something else. -That's what she said. 272 00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:50,524 (laughs) That's great! 273 00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:51,984 That's going in. 274 00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:54,195 Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. 275 00:10:54,278 --> 00:10:57,490 Lenny and me. Mine. Mostly mine. Mine. Mine. 276 00:10:57,573 --> 00:10:59,825 I was thinking it when Barney said it. Mine. 277 00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:02,912 Reading for Marge-- Emily Deschanel. 278 00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:05,456 Oh, yeah. Uh, first, I have a question for you. 279 00:11:05,539 --> 00:11:08,834 On Bones, did you ever have any bones with meat left on them, 280 00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:10,711 and if so, where are those bones? 281 00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:12,838 Maybe she should just read the part. 282 00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:15,966 (as Marge): Homie, because of everything that's happened, 283 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:18,010 I think we need to take a break. 284 00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:20,471 (crying): No! Marge, no! 285 00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:21,972 A break means forever. 286 00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:23,808 I'll change. I will. 287 00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:25,935 No, Homer, she's just acting the part. 288 00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:28,854 Oh. Oh, of course, of course, yes. 289 00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:31,190 As a help to me, when you're acting, 290 00:11:31,273 --> 00:11:33,609 could you hold up one hand so I'll know? 291 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,194 Oh, o-okay. 292 00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:37,029 -Thank you. -(as Marge): Homie. 293 00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:38,614 Yes, Marge. You have a question? 294 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,074 Ugh. She's acting! 295 00:11:40,157 --> 00:11:42,618 Right, right, right. She's acting. 296 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,662 When you're acting, could you raise one arm 297 00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:47,289 and swing your foot in a circle and keep winking? 298 00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:49,166 (as Marge): Listen, Homie. 299 00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:51,585 Marge, what are you doing?! You're acting really weird. 300 00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:53,170 Is he okay? 301 00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:55,548 You thought I was okay when you married me. 302 00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:57,174 (huffs) Actors. 303 00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:59,176 Gal Gadot reading for Lisa. 304 00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:01,011 -You've got the part! -Wait, wait, wait, wait. 305 00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:03,222 I know you were great in Fast and Furious, 306 00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:04,974 but what else have you been in? 307 00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:06,726 Uh... did you see Wonder Woman? 308 00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:10,020 Whenever I see the DC logo, I immediately fall asleep. 309 00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:11,605 Homer, she's got the part. 310 00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:14,692 Okay, you get this and I get Gene Hackman for me. 311 00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:16,026 Huh. He already said no. 312 00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:17,903 Then you have to help me kidnap him. 313 00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:19,321 GAL: Excuse me. 314 00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:21,574 So, do you want to put me on tape or...? 315 00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:25,035 Hey! Can we use your magic lasso to kidnap Gene Hackman? 316 00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:26,454 No. 317 00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:28,122 Barney is here to read for Noah. 318 00:12:28,205 --> 00:12:30,374 There's no Noah in this movie. 319 00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:33,002 All right, but you better tell the camels. 320 00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:35,713 (scrubbing) 321 00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:40,634 Mom, do you really believe Bart's story? 322 00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:43,804 Lisa, do you know how I've gotten to this point in life? 323 00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:46,932 Two things-- blind faith and a little wine. 324 00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:49,643 Can you get me the wine that I keep in Mommy's knitting basket? 325 00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:52,396 I know where you keep it. 326 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,940 There was no knitting in there. 327 00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:56,901 (gulps) Ah! 328 00:12:56,984 --> 00:13:00,696 Jesus said to tell you, "Things will get better." 329 00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,282 And... cut. 330 00:13:03,365 --> 00:13:05,910 I wish you and I had a relationship like that. 331 00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:07,620 Why, you little... 332 00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:13,417 They wish they had a relationship like us! 333 00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:17,296 Uh, there is nothing a director can do on set that's wrong. 334 00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:20,424 Take five, everybody. 335 00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:22,009 What do you want? 336 00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:24,178 I told you, lies lead to punishment, 337 00:13:24,261 --> 00:13:26,388 especially when you film them. 338 00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:28,682 What are you talking about? 339 00:13:28,766 --> 00:13:30,684 If you really saw Grandpa Bouvier, 340 00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:32,353 which finger was he missing? 341 00:13:32,436 --> 00:13:34,688 I believe he was wearing a beekeeping outfit 342 00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:36,232 when I saw him. 343 00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:38,275 (chuckles) Trick question. He's missing a leg. 344 00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:40,402 BART: Okay. 345 00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:42,238 So maybe I fudged a few things. 346 00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:44,698 It's not the original lie that gets people. 347 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,408 It's the cover-up. 348 00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:48,536 It's gonna get worse and worse 349 00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:51,330 and worse and worse and worse. 350 00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:53,290 Dad, I'm starting to feel weird. 351 00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:56,210 I'm not your Dad. I'm the actor playing him. 352 00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:58,462 You need all that padding to play Homer? 353 00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:00,005 Yes, and I'm fat to begin with. 354 00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:06,011 Okay, this one's for China. 355 00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:07,596 This one's for Australia. 356 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,723 And this one's for the youth market. 357 00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:11,725 -Dad? -This is all because of you. 358 00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:13,477 I have never been so excited. 359 00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:15,229 Now what do you want to say? 360 00:14:15,312 --> 00:14:17,982 Um, is there anything you want to tell anyone? 361 00:14:18,065 --> 00:14:20,943 Any inaccuracies or blatant lies? 362 00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:24,864 (quietly): The scene we said is New York 363 00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:27,616 is actually downtown Calgary, 364 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,159 and vice versa. 365 00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:30,536 (sighs) 366 00:14:30,619 --> 00:14:34,081 (groaning) 367 00:14:34,164 --> 00:14:37,042 No, no. I'm going to heaven! 368 00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:38,919 (heavenly chorus sings) 369 00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:41,380 (scraping) 370 00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:42,840 Hello, Bart. 371 00:14:42,923 --> 00:14:44,884 Didn't they give you a real leg in heaven? 372 00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:46,385 I lost it in a bet. 373 00:14:46,468 --> 00:14:49,013 A bet that my grandson was a good boy. 374 00:14:49,096 --> 00:14:50,639 Save me, Jesus! 375 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,766 I'm trying very hard to forgive you. 376 00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:54,268 It is very tough. 377 00:14:54,351 --> 00:14:56,353 (whimpers) What are you gonna do to me? 378 00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:58,188 Bart, God is love. 379 00:14:58,272 --> 00:15:00,941 (heavenly chorus sings) 380 00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:03,569 (grunting) 381 00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:06,614 (Bart grunts) 382 00:15:12,494 --> 00:15:14,788 And here's Marge with the actress who played her. 383 00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:16,957 Oh, in real life we don't get along. 384 00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:21,003 (reporters clamoring) 385 00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:22,421 Who are you worshipping? 386 00:15:22,504 --> 00:15:24,256 Are you telling the truth? 387 00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:25,716 He will not be taking any questions 388 00:15:25,799 --> 00:15:27,134 unless they're submitted in writing 389 00:15:27,217 --> 00:15:29,345 on an index card with some bacon on it. 390 00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:31,388 Turkey bacon does not count. 391 00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:36,143 Tell the people what you have witnessed, Bartholomew. 392 00:15:36,226 --> 00:15:39,605 And if they doubt you, viciously attack their character. 393 00:15:39,688 --> 00:15:41,690 Yes, Jesus. 394 00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:46,487 Bart, you're my hero. 395 00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:48,572 Now, who wants a hamburger? 396 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:50,783 I would never say any of those things. 397 00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:54,161 Now sing, Bart. 398 00:15:54,244 --> 00:15:57,373 -Sing because I cannot. -(Lisa groans) 399 00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:01,710 ♪ One more chance ♪ 400 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:04,421 ♪ It is my destiny ♪ 401 00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:06,799 ♪ To start my road ♪ 402 00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:10,844 ♪ To Christianity ♪ 403 00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:15,933 ♪ I always knew he had a mission ♪ 404 00:16:16,016 --> 00:16:20,312 ♪ Thank God we called off the mortician ♪ 405 00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:22,231 ♪ One more chance ♪ 406 00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:27,695 ALL: ♪ He's alive, someone quick call Channel 5 ♪ 407 00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:30,322 ♪ One more chance. ♪ 408 00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:40,040 Eh. Not enough Bart. 409 00:16:42,918 --> 00:16:44,378 Oh, someone pinch me. 410 00:16:44,461 --> 00:16:46,964 Thank you. Thank you for this Christian Oscar. 411 00:16:47,047 --> 00:16:49,425 And I'd like to thank the Academy of Arts 412 00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:50,843 and Anti-Sciences. 413 00:16:50,926 --> 00:16:52,136 (knocking) 414 00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:53,554 Are you guys awake? 415 00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:55,806 Mm. What's the matter, sweetie? 416 00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:58,726 Mom, I lied about everything. 417 00:16:58,809 --> 00:17:00,269 Oh, my God! 418 00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:01,812 Don't worry, Marge. 419 00:17:01,895 --> 00:17:03,689 It's just a little movie. Nobody will see it. 420 00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:05,399 Mr. Flanders just called. 421 00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:08,861 The movie's on pace to make a hundred million dollars. 422 00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:11,447 It crushed all the good movies that came out this week. 423 00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:13,323 Take that, Paul Thomas Anderson. 424 00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:16,869 Oh, my God. Our movie's a hit and a lie. 425 00:17:16,952 --> 00:17:18,912 Oh, all hit movies are lies, Marge. 426 00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:20,748 Did you see Argo? 427 00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:22,291 None of that happened. 428 00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:24,543 And I have strong doubts about The Incredibles. 429 00:17:24,626 --> 00:17:26,670 Well, we have to tell people the truth. 430 00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:28,047 Of course, of course. 431 00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:29,923 Could we do it after the Golden Globes? 432 00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:31,341 MARGE, LISA AND BART: No! 433 00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:32,885 But that's the one with TV people 434 00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:34,511 and movie people in the same room. 435 00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:35,971 We said no! 436 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,932 (protesters clamoring) 437 00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:40,642 FLANDERS: First off, 438 00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:43,979 we will donate every penny of our profits to charity. 439 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,939 Keeping only enough money 440 00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:48,901 to cover changing our lives in a major way. 441 00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:50,903 -Hey, what is this? -(overlapping chatter) 442 00:17:50,986 --> 00:17:53,030 Fine, fine, fine, all of it. 443 00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:55,324 Okay, look, I just want to say, 444 00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:57,951 I'm just a man trying to raise his son. 445 00:17:58,035 --> 00:17:59,703 I make mistakes. 446 00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:01,872 Sometimes they're little, sometimes they're big. 447 00:18:01,955 --> 00:18:05,793 Blame me, but don't blame the boy for being a boy. 448 00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:08,420 (sniffs) Oh. 449 00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:10,964 And let me just ask this. Is it possible 450 00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:13,842 any other religious beliefs are founded on myths? 451 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,511 This interview is over. 452 00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:17,888 God created the world in seven days. See you later. 453 00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:19,765 In what some are calling the worst scandal 454 00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:22,392 in the history of religion, Bart Simpson lied 455 00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:25,104 when he claimed he had talked to Jesus. 456 00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:27,564 But maybe part of the fault lies with us 457 00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:30,943 for desperately wanting a miracle in these troubled times. 458 00:18:31,026 --> 00:18:34,363 Times which we bring into your homes at 5:00, 6:00 and 11:00. 459 00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:36,782 Here's a hobo lost in a hurricane. 460 00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:39,409 Um, I had a hat! 461 00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:41,286 Hey, Bart. 462 00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:42,621 I brought you some ice cream. 463 00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:43,831 BART: Up here. 464 00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:49,086 The only friend I have is the Frisbee on the roof. 465 00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:50,712 (wind whistling) 466 00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,589 Hmm. Well, you'll always have me. 467 00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:54,258 -(shingles creaking) -Careful. 468 00:18:54,341 --> 00:18:55,968 Dad didn't nail these in too well. 469 00:18:56,051 --> 00:18:57,594 You think God'll forgive me? 470 00:18:57,678 --> 00:18:59,221 Don't tell anyone I said that. 471 00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:02,683 Well, if there is a God, from what I know, 472 00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:04,434 said God will forgive you 473 00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:06,895 if you truly have remorse in your heart. 474 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,272 Well, thanks, Lis. 475 00:19:08,355 --> 00:19:09,898 Don't tell anyone I asked you that. 476 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:12,025 I did it 'cause you're the smartest person I know. 477 00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:13,986 And don't tell anybody I said that. 478 00:19:14,069 --> 00:19:15,445 I won't! 479 00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:17,447 (both screaming) 480 00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:21,577 (sighs) Dad must have raked the leaves today. 481 00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:23,662 Now that's a miracle. 482 00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:35,382 I made it. 483 00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:38,051 Gal Gadot?! 484 00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:40,262 They like me so much, I get to visit. 485 00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:44,057 I made it, too, boy, and Jesus really wants to meet you. 486 00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:45,475 Go on in! 487 00:19:45,559 --> 00:19:47,019 Where are you going? 488 00:19:47,102 --> 00:19:50,189 This place is so boring. 489 00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:52,566 FLANDERS: Time for another game of "Mother, May I?" 490 00:19:52,649 --> 00:19:54,860 (groaning): Oh! 491 00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:56,987 Please send me back to Earth. 492 00:19:57,070 --> 00:20:00,157 Yes, yes. You can be a turtle or a pharmaceutical CEO. 493 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,825 Turtle, please. 494 00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:03,702 Hmm. 495 00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:17,341 ♪ ♪ 496 00:20:32,147 --> 00:20:33,857 ♪ He's alive ♪ 497 00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:38,570 ♪ Someone, quick, call Channel 5. ♪ 498 00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:51,124 Shh! 499 00:20:54,002 --> 00:20:55,963 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH