1
00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:06,464
(audio of choir singing
"The Simpsons" plays backwards)
2
00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:08,299
♪ ♪
3
00:00:08,383 --> 00:00:09,634
D'oh!
4
00:00:09,718 --> 00:00:12,137
-(tires screeching)
-(grunting)
5
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D'oh!
6
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♪ ♪
7
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♪ ♪
8
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(grunting softly)
9
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-(growls)
-(grunts)
10
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:40,915
Hey.
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00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:51,509
♪ ♪
12
00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:02,437
(grunting gibberish):
...old lady... kids...
13
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then the fire go out...
14
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stupid Flanders.
15
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Beer...
16
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Only good will come of you.
17
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Hey, it looks like
I just invented English. Ha!
18
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:18,036
-Whuh?
-I think I'll build a tavern.
19
00:01:18,119 --> 00:01:21,790
Of course, it won't be
as clean and nice as this swamp.
20
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-♪ ♪
-(neon lights buzzing)
21
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:27,003
(insects trilling)
22
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Homie, we can't keep inviting
so many people to Thanksgiving.
23
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They all drink too much.
24
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(slurred grunting)
25
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Use your words.
Who do we cut?
26
00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:38,014
-Flanders.
-We don't invite him.
27
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,682
Let's invite,
then dis-invite him.
28
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:43,353
Okay, I know this is
a tough one, but... Moe?
29
00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:46,231
Remember last year?
His plus-one?
30
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Oh, yeah.
31
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(Marge groans)
32
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Why won't you let me pop her?
33
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No. It's bad juju.
34
00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:56,032
So, um...
35
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:59,369
we're keeping Thanksgiving
super small this year.
36
00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:01,996
Yeah, I understand.
I won't tell no one I'm invited.
37
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:04,374
Hey, I was thinking of making,
uh, slivered green beans,
38
00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:05,834
little bits of bacon,
39
00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:07,919
-pearl onions in there.
-(groans)
40
00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:09,712
What's the matter?
You don't like pearl onions?
41
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(scoffs) Next you'll
be badmouthin' shallots!
42
00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:13,508
Actually...
43
00:02:13,591 --> 00:02:15,426
you're not invited.
44
00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:18,596
And this is how I find out, huh?
By you telling me in person?
45
00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,682
Gently?
With-with plenty of notice?!
46
00:02:20,765 --> 00:02:23,017
I'm sorry, man.
I'm-I'm really sorry.
47
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:24,435
Hey, no problem.
48
00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:26,729
I mean, I'm just
your bartender, right?
49
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:28,523
No women, no buddies...
50
00:02:28,606 --> 00:02:31,860
-(phone rings)
-Ah, thank God, a friend!
51
00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:33,945
Moe's Tavern. Moe speaking.
52
00:02:34,028 --> 00:02:38,116
Uh, hello. I'm looking for
a Mr. Buttface, first name Ima.
53
00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:40,910
Ima? Nobody's been named that
in, like, a hundred years.
54
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:44,247
And as for the rest, why don't
you double-check that name, huh?
55
00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:46,583
Try saying it out loud.
56
00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:48,960
-Ima Buttface?
-Haw-haw!
57
00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:51,254
Yeah, well, mistakes are
how we learn there, young fella.
58
00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:54,591
Good luck in your, uh,
your journey into adulthood.
59
00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:55,967
Dude, that was lame.
60
00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:57,760
And I'm the king of lame.
61
00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,846
I dream about needlepoint.
62
00:03:01,472 --> 00:03:04,601
(grunts) Maybe we should
just give up these prank calls.
63
00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:06,477
Yeah. No more
little prank calls.
64
00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:09,522
We're gonna go hard core!
65
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:11,983
Hard core? The only thing
my mom's never done.
66
00:03:12,066 --> 00:03:14,068
I'm so proud of her.
67
00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:15,612
HERMAN:
So, you're looking
68
00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:18,615
to acquire some
military-grade mischief makers?
69
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:22,410
I cannot and I will not sell
such items to minors.
70
00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:27,123
Welcome to the dark net,
the devil's URL.
71
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,374
(gate squeaks)
72
00:03:29,667 --> 00:03:31,920
Even Amazon can't find you here.
73
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:33,963
Ain't that right, Alexa?
74
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,465
Please, I've done nothing.
75
00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:38,092
Just shut me off. Please.
76
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♪ ♪
77
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(spooky voice):
Welcome to the dark net.
78
00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:48,061
Could you stop that, please?
79
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,396
(gate squeaks)
80
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,608
(all scream)
81
00:03:53,691 --> 00:03:55,818
Whoa! Quit scaring us!
82
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:57,278
All right.
83
00:03:58,279 --> 00:03:59,614
(boys scream)
84
00:03:59,697 --> 00:04:01,574
(chuckling)
85
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:03,660
This is our chance
to get back at Moe.
86
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:05,453
Wait. What did he do to us?
87
00:04:05,536 --> 00:04:07,163
It doesn't matter.
Let's do this!
88
00:04:08,539 --> 00:04:10,041
NELSON:
A grenade launcher!
89
00:04:10,124 --> 00:04:13,586
Just like the one my dad
liberated in Afghanistan!
90
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:17,340
I thought your dad just went out
for smokes and never came back.
91
00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:19,008
All right.
The truth is,
92
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,844
he left on the first ship
colonizing Mars.
93
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,555
That's why he can't call
or send checks.
94
00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:26,224
But he did send me this.
95
00:04:26,307 --> 00:04:28,685
What? That's just
a lame-o candy bar.
96
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:30,687
I need this, Bart!
97
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:32,730
Fine. Your dad's on Mars.
98
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:35,858
Haw-haw! You're an enabler!
99
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,235
Deadly. Treason.
100
00:04:37,318 --> 00:04:38,778
Overpriced.
101
00:04:38,861 --> 00:04:40,863
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What about this?
102
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:44,867
Whoa! That'll break Moe's heart
and his wallet.
103
00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,619
(all chuckling)
104
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,914
Well, hello. I'm Hacky.
105
00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:52,208
Here to help you commit
Internet crime.
106
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,960
Do you want to...
107
00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:03,052
But if we're caught,
I morph into Snitchy the weasel
108
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,805
and give all your information
to the FBI.
109
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:13,813
To continue, click "agree."
110
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,736
BART (quietly): The "package"
should be arriving now.
111
00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:21,237
Cool!
112
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,740
We get to see a taxi.
113
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:24,949
(all gasp)
114
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,039
(Russian accent):
Is this the residence
115
00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:35,209
of successful American
businessman, uh, Moe Szyslak?
116
00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:36,919
Uh, who wants to know?
117
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,589
Anastasia Alekhova,
his new wife.
118
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His... wi-i-ife?!
119
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(laughter)
120
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,305
Dark net rules!
121
00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:50,350
And no state sales tax!
Boo-yeah!
122
00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:55,772
Well, this is a contract, and
it is my electronic signature,
123
00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:58,066
which I assume
is impossible to fake,
124
00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:00,610
but I did not order
no mail-order bride!
125
00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:02,528
-I understand.
-Good.
126
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:04,989
You see me in person,
and you do not want me.
127
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:07,033
No, no.
You got it all wrong.
128
00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:09,744
It's me. I can't take
another heartbreak.
129
00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:13,831
My only friends are the ghosts
that came with the bar.
130
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♪ Drinkity drink
da drink da drink ♪
131
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♪ I woke up in a henhouse
this morn ♪
132
00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:21,839
♪ Drinkity drink
da drink da drink ♪
133
00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:24,425
♪ But I still wasn't drunk ♪
134
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:27,762
♪ As the day I was born. ♪
135
00:06:27,845 --> 00:06:29,430
Back in my head, Fats.
136
00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:31,891
Oh, there's a lot
of dark thoughts in there.
137
00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:33,393
I didn't wanna die here.
138
00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:36,771
I just came in to use the phone.
139
00:06:36,854 --> 00:06:38,314
Sweetheart,
we'll straighten this out.
140
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,066
I'll overnight youse
back to Russia,
141
00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:42,485
and, oh, boy, I'm sorry
to say this, but, uh...
142
00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:43,986
but on Delta.
143
00:06:45,196 --> 00:06:46,280
Where are my manners?
144
00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:47,865
Let me show you around. Uh,
145
00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:51,452
pool table, uh, jukebox...
146
00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:54,414
Barney.
147
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:55,832
We have alcoholics, too.
148
00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:57,959
But ours are thin,
with ropey muscles.
149
00:06:58,042 --> 00:06:59,585
What's this?
150
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:00,795
Ah, that's the Love Tester.
151
00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:02,588
You just stick a nickel in it,
152
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,757
and it tells you
what's in your heart.
153
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,429
MOE:
Uh-oh, am I falling for her?
154
00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:11,472
I think it knows
what I'm feeling.
155
00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:14,142
And what I'm having for dinner.
156
00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:15,476
MARGE:
Who can guess
157
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:18,438
what oil I sautéed
these vegetables in?
158
00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:20,731
Olive? Canola?
159
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:22,233
Oh, not this game.
160
00:07:22,316 --> 00:07:24,610
Coconut? Grape-seed?
161
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,446
Yeah, fantastic
conversation, Marge.
162
00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:28,823
(singsongy):
I don't hear an oil.
163
00:07:28,906 --> 00:07:30,616
-Peanut?
-Guess again.
164
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:31,826
Um, sunflower?
165
00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:33,244
Walnut?
166
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:36,914
No, no and no.
167
00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:39,167
(giggles)
This is why I had kids.
168
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:41,169
The answer is...
169
00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:43,463
-Finally.
-...vegetable oil!
170
00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:45,173
Hey, vegetable oil.
Good one, Marge.
171
00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:48,050
Did you hear Moe accidentally
bought a wife online?
172
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:49,343
(laughs)
173
00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:50,720
(chuckles)
174
00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:52,722
Excuse me.
How can mail-order brides
175
00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:55,141
still be a thing
in this day and age?
176
00:07:55,224 --> 00:07:59,020
Lisa, ignorant men
and foolish women sometimes do
177
00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:01,481
dumb things to find love.
178
00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:03,983
Or maybe it was a master hack
179
00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:07,028
by an unknown genius. Ahem.
180
00:08:07,111 --> 00:08:09,530
Maybe this will
turn out great for Moe.
181
00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:12,200
Sometimes arranged marriages
are the best.
182
00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:14,327
I mean, look at Tevye and Golde.
183
00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:18,331
They had a wonderful life
with that fiddler in the shtetl.
184
00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:20,374
It wasn't that great
for Tzeitel.
185
00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:22,919
Ugh! How many times
do I have to tell you
186
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:26,339
that Lazar Wolf the butcher
was a good provider!
187
00:08:26,422 --> 00:08:28,382
Well, I'm not marrying
a butcher.
188
00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:30,426
Young lady,
you should be so lucky
189
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,428
if that Van Houten is a butcher.
190
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,388
I'm not marrying Milhouse!
191
00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:36,390
Oy! She won't marry a butcher.
192
00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:39,936
She won't marry Milhouse.
What is a father to do?
193
00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:42,855
♪ What is a man
with three little children ♪
194
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:45,566
♪ Three little children to do? ♪
195
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:46,984
♪ I'll tell y... ♪
196
00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:49,570
Hey, uh, listen,
197
00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:52,073
if you want to stay
a few more days,
198
00:08:52,156 --> 00:08:54,450
uh, it's fine with...
Whoa, whoa!
199
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:57,537
I ain't seen fresh flowers
since my ma died.
200
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,914
She got hit by a flower truck.
201
00:08:59,997 --> 00:09:01,916
Let's try this place.
It looks cute.
202
00:09:01,999 --> 00:09:03,417
I've never been inside before.
203
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:05,294
I thought it was
a horrible dive.
204
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,255
Well, I thought
it was a crack house.
205
00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:09,590
But now I'd like a glass
of white wine.
206
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:11,384
There's a white wine?
I mean, yeah!
207
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:12,927
I'll be right with you.
208
00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:15,012
(indistinct chatter, laughter)
209
00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:17,848
Whoa! Look at all the meat
in the seats!
210
00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:20,768
That grosses me out. Good-bye.
211
00:09:20,851 --> 00:09:22,061
Would you look at me?
212
00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:23,604
My mouth is running
like a toilet!
213
00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:24,605
-(customers groan)
-Outrageous!
214
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,023
Wait, wait, wait.
215
00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:28,317
Uh, my friend speaks
like peasant,
216
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:31,070
but he makes a whiskey sour
to die for.
217
00:09:31,153 --> 00:09:33,072
What the hell's a whiskey sour?
218
00:09:33,155 --> 00:09:34,490
Will you be quiet?
219
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:35,783
Come back in.
220
00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:38,703
I promise you
a safe, happy time.
221
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:44,083
-Looks good.
-I feel better.
222
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:47,128
So, Moe, I do good?
223
00:09:47,211 --> 00:09:49,297
I work hard, clean up bar.
224
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:52,383
I even chase out
moose and squirrel.
225
00:09:52,466 --> 00:09:54,594
Hey, let's take
our patronage elsewhere, Moose.
226
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:58,264
Duh, what's a patronage? Duh.
227
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:05,771
Oh, look, Anastasia,
it ain't that I don't like ya.
228
00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:07,440
I like ya plenty.
229
00:10:07,523 --> 00:10:09,025
Too plenty.
230
00:10:10,234 --> 00:10:12,320
(sighs)
Here's the sad truth about me.
231
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:14,989
Every time I give my heart
to a woman,
232
00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:17,366
it gets broke
into a hundred pieces.
233
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:18,868
(sobs)
234
00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:20,494
My first crush...
235
00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:22,997
So, I really like ya,
and I was wondering,
236
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:26,626
you know, maybe we could go
to a movie or-or something?
237
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:29,086
Give me one second.
238
00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:32,506
♪ ♪
239
00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:39,805
You gotta come out sometime!
240
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:42,975
We've been using the back door.
241
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,852
Aw, damn it.
242
00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:47,813
Then a couple of years ago,
sweet Maya...
243
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:50,191
And then, of course,
244
00:10:50,274 --> 00:10:51,692
Laney Fontaine.
245
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:53,402
I'm through with ya, Moe!
246
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,488
You're a worthless train
to nowhere,
247
00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:57,657
and this is my stop!
248
00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:00,409
-MAN: Yeah! Whoo-hoo-hoo!
-(cheering)
249
00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:06,207
She won a Tony tearing me apart,
yet I left humming the songs.
250
00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:09,794
Poor Moe. In Russia, we have
word for people like you:
251
00:11:11,712 --> 00:11:13,964
(laughs) Oh, that sounds nice,
what does it mean?
252
00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:17,093
It means "gentle heart
that no one sees."
253
00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:18,678
Wow, that's beautiful.
254
00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:20,096
Maybe I should learn Russian.
255
00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:21,889
No, don't do that.
256
00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:25,393
(crying):
But if you want me to, I'll go.
257
00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:27,687
Wait.
I can't let you go like that.
258
00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:31,107
Can you take these bottles
to the recycling?
259
00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:33,067
Keep the nickels for yourself.
260
00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:35,152
(crying)
261
00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:36,946
(doorbell rings)
262
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:39,865
Delivery for Dr. Ima Buttface.
263
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,909
That's me.
Where do I sign?
264
00:11:41,992 --> 00:11:43,577
Uh, nowhere.
I was never here.
265
00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:46,247
But I would appreciate
a good review on Dark Yelp.
266
00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:49,834
Any less than three stars
and, uh... (makes cutting sound)
267
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:55,089
Ho-ho.
One Sumatran Breeding Rat,
268
00:11:55,172 --> 00:11:57,133
already in labor.
269
00:11:57,216 --> 00:11:59,135
You paid for mail-order rats
270
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:01,429
when your grandfather's
nursing home is full of them?
271
00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:03,806
All right, boy.
I'm gonna find out
272
00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:06,183
just what you've been up to.
273
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,311
(Bart gulps)
274
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,439
Oh, Mom, thank God.
275
00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:13,107
This one's brighter.
276
00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:14,483
Now talk.
277
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,402
What are you up to?
278
00:12:16,485 --> 00:12:18,320
All right,
we'll make you talk.
279
00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:20,030
Give me your phone.
280
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:32,585
That poor rice.
281
00:12:32,668 --> 00:12:34,253
I'm gonna dunk your phone
282
00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:36,881
and there won't be any rice
to save it.
283
00:12:38,382 --> 00:12:39,759
Okay, okay.
284
00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:41,927
I ordered Moe's
mail-order bride.
285
00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:44,764
-(both gasp)
-You're gonna be punished, boy.
286
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:47,516
What about Moe?
That poor, lonely man.
287
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,101
Right as always, Marge.
288
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:50,644
I'll head directly to Moe's.
289
00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:52,271
It's the only decent thing
to do.
290
00:12:52,354 --> 00:12:53,981
-Yes. Good.
-Good.
291
00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:56,525
I might have to console him
till closing time...
292
00:12:56,609 --> 00:13:00,654
Well, now that it's just you,
no punishment, right?
293
00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:02,656
I used a computer.
294
00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:04,867
Isn't that wonderful?
295
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,786
Ooh.
296
00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:09,330
-♪ I'm stuck in Folsom Prison ♪
-(thunder rumbles)
297
00:13:09,413 --> 00:13:13,501
♪ And time keeps
dragging on... ♪
298
00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:15,836
Start again.
299
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:18,422
-(grunts)
-♪ When I was just a baby ♪
300
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:21,509
♪ My mama told me, son ♪
301
00:13:21,592 --> 00:13:22,551
♪ Always be a good boy... ♪
302
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,804
Moe, I'm here to apologize.
303
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:26,472
It don't matter, she's gone.
304
00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:28,891
She's working at the
Russian Tea Room in Ogdenville.
305
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:31,644
It was my no-good kid
that ordered your wife.
306
00:13:31,727 --> 00:13:33,687
It don't matter.
Nothing matters.
307
00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:37,358
Hey, Moe. You think I haven't
been disappointed by love?
308
00:13:37,441 --> 00:13:40,361
Well, I haven't,
but you've got to get her back.
309
00:13:40,444 --> 00:13:42,196
Okay, I'll go to Ogdenville.
310
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:44,031
I'll get her back.
311
00:13:44,114 --> 00:13:47,743
For once in my life I ain't
gonna be afraid of getting hurt.
312
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,662
-Ooh!
-Follow your dreams.
313
00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:51,539
I'm following mine.
314
00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:53,165
Where's Moe?
315
00:13:57,753 --> 00:13:59,046
Is Anastasia here?
316
00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:00,506
She's just getting off work.
317
00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:01,757
Ah, great, perfect.
318
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,384
I'm, uh, I'm gonna win her back.
319
00:14:03,467 --> 00:14:04,885
That's nice.
320
00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:07,471
You probably should check
with her boyfriend.
321
00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,515
You look just like
the Pennywise.
322
00:14:09,598 --> 00:14:11,559
I know. It's terrible.
323
00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:15,312
Now when I'm in the gutter and
call kids for help, nothin'.
324
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:17,773
She's got a boyfriend?
325
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,441
Boy, you never know how much
326
00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:22,069
you really love something
until you've lost it.
327
00:14:22,152 --> 00:14:25,114
(sighs heavily)
Did you ever lose anything?
328
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:27,408
My husband, my home
329
00:14:27,491 --> 00:14:29,618
and TV show Armenian Idol.
330
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,579
-Twice.
-Yeah.
331
00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:40,337
I never should've
told her to go.
332
00:14:40,421 --> 00:14:42,214
Uh, look, Moe, I'll tell you
how to get her back, okay?
333
00:14:42,298 --> 00:14:44,425
You take her to dinner,
nice and romantic.
334
00:14:44,508 --> 00:14:46,427
Look into her eyes
and remind her
335
00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:48,846
that she is under contract
to marry you.
336
00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:51,765
I don't know, man,
that doesn't seem, uh, woke.
337
00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:53,601
And I'm-I'm woke as hell.
338
00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:56,103
It doesn't matter how it
started, you two fell in love.
339
00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:57,771
It's like the kind of movie
340
00:14:57,855 --> 00:14:59,773
we wish Tom Hanks
would go back to making.
341
00:14:59,857 --> 00:15:03,277
I know. How many captains
can one guy play?
342
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:04,778
You're right about that.
343
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:06,155
You're right about
everything, you guys.
344
00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:07,448
You know what?
I'm gonna do it.
345
00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:08,949
Oh, my God, I've got hope.
346
00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:10,951
I-I'm lookin' forward
to the future.
347
00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:13,787
Fellas, I'm gonna put on pants.
348
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:15,331
Dah, dah-dah, dah!
349
00:15:16,790 --> 00:15:18,751
Now, just so you know,
technically,
350
00:15:18,834 --> 00:15:20,794
I'm still married
to Rita Moreno.
351
00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:21,962
MOE:
Psst. Over here.
352
00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:23,172
Here. Hey, please?
353
00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:26,050
Uh, excuse me, Krusteleh.
354
00:15:27,384 --> 00:15:28,969
Now, dear, I'm a little nervous,
355
00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:31,347
because, uh, I got something
real important to say.
356
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:34,475
You had a good thing going
and you ruined it.
357
00:15:34,558 --> 00:15:36,310
Uh, not for the first time,
either.
358
00:15:36,393 --> 00:15:39,897
You know my bar was originally
an eight-story hotel?
359
00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:42,066
What does this have to do
with me?
360
00:15:42,149 --> 00:15:44,318
This time, it's not too late...
I hope.
361
00:15:44,401 --> 00:15:45,986
I love you, Ana.
362
00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:48,697
(sighs) I don't know
how I feel right now, Moe.
363
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:51,533
But if you promise me a wedding
according to my traditions,
364
00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:53,410
a deal is a deal.
365
00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:55,162
"A deal is a deal."
366
00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:57,831
How I have longed
to hear those words.
367
00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:59,917
Sorry, Krusty.
It's over.
368
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,585
No, no!
369
00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:05,089
I just got TMZ here
to film our relationship.
370
00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:06,674
We got a breakup, even better.
371
00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:08,175
Zoom in on his broken heart.
372
00:16:08,258 --> 00:16:10,469
No. No, no, no.
373
00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:13,347
No. (sobs, gasps)
374
00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:15,432
Need another take?
375
00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:17,476
(Pachelbel's "Canon" plays)
376
00:16:22,856 --> 00:16:25,943
(beatboxing)
377
00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:29,738
Hey! Can I get
a little service here?
378
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:32,491
Yeah. Uh, excuse me.
I'm also working this event.
379
00:16:32,574 --> 00:16:34,034
Your own marriage?
380
00:16:34,118 --> 00:16:35,577
Tastefully.
Tastefully.
381
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:38,956
And we are waiting on one
very special guest.
382
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:40,708
Duffman is here.
383
00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:43,335
With these
Duff Drink-A-Day Calendars.
384
00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:46,547
There's something brewing
every day of the year.
385
00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:49,049
Except for Pearl Harbor Day.
386
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:51,051
Never forget.
387
00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:52,344
(beer sloshing in cans)
388
00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:54,221
Now let's get the show
on the road.
389
00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:57,224
Duffman has a beer mitzvah
at 4:00.
390
00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:59,018
Putting the brew in Hebrew.
391
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,394
Oh, yeah.
392
00:17:00,477 --> 00:17:02,312
("Wedding March" plays)
393
00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:07,776
Mom, this costume's
embarrassing.
394
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,945
It's your last punishment.
395
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,114
Also, you look cute.
396
00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:18,912
When I was little,
I used to dream of a man
397
00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:22,249
in the most velour tracksuit
there could be,
398
00:17:22,332 --> 00:17:24,126
who would sweep me off
to an apartment
399
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:26,587
shared by only
four other families.
400
00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:29,214
I just want to say that
you've made me very happy,
401
00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:32,426
which, uh, boy, I thought
I could never be.
402
00:17:32,509 --> 00:17:34,053
And now the signing
403
00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:36,930
of the traditional
orthodox marriage papers.
404
00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:40,684
Ring boy, please bring
my notary stamp.
405
00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:42,936
I can scratch this off
my bucket list.
406
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:44,772
Wait a minute.
407
00:17:44,855 --> 00:17:48,525
I've been learning Russian,
on the dark net, and this says,
408
00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:50,402
"Moe gives...
409
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,571
(speaking Russian)
410
00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:54,990
-...all...
-(grunts)
411
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,825
-...his..."
-(grunts)
412
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:59,286
"...personal property to Ana."
413
00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:00,954
This looks airtight.
414
00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:03,540
And believe me,
I know marriage law.
415
00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:06,460
Yeah, I read him divorce decrees
to get him to go to sleep.
416
00:18:06,543 --> 00:18:08,295
Boom-chaka-laka!
417
00:18:08,378 --> 00:18:09,963
Ana, is this true?
418
00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:13,842
No. It's just another one
of their stupid pranks.
419
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:18,097
My sweet Moe, there is no way
to fake what we have.
420
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,810
Oh, I can't do it.
421
00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:24,520
I-I just, I can't risk another
heartbreak.
422
00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:26,647
I'm... I'm sorry.
423
00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:27,898
(gasping)
424
00:18:27,981 --> 00:18:30,734
(Brooklyn accent): So, uh,
am I still getting paid?
425
00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:33,070
Wait, you're not from Russia?
426
00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:34,488
No, Brooklyn.
427
00:18:34,571 --> 00:18:37,157
Back when Brooklyn was Brooklyn.
428
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:38,826
(chuckles)
You know what I mean?
429
00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:40,828
Ana, what about you?
430
00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:43,038
(with Midwestern accent):
I'm not Russian at all.
431
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,998
I'm from Columbus, Ohio.
432
00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:46,583
That's even worse.
433
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:48,669
Ana, you're a scam artist.
434
00:18:48,752 --> 00:18:50,170
And one that
didn't aim too high.
435
00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:51,630
(with Ohio accent):
What do you mean?
436
00:18:51,713 --> 00:18:53,006
You know I'm in debt, right?
437
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:55,259
Serious, serious debt.
(short chuckle)
438
00:18:55,342 --> 00:18:57,803
Just look at my invites.
439
00:18:57,886 --> 00:18:59,555
You still wanna marry me?
440
00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:04,893
Well, it looks like this just
became a shotgun wedding.
441
00:19:06,353 --> 00:19:08,105
It's time for youse two
to leave.
442
00:19:08,188 --> 00:19:10,190
(no accent):
Fine. I'll find another man
443
00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:12,025
and give him what he dreams of.
444
00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:13,902
I just have to, uh...
445
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:16,530
(French accent):
...speak a little like this.
446
00:19:16,613 --> 00:19:19,533
(Scottish accent):
Or maybe Scottish, like...
447
00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:21,577
Oh, do my ears deceive me?
448
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:24,121
Are you from the Highlands?
449
00:19:24,204 --> 00:19:27,207
Aye. Between Inverness
and the Moray Firth.
450
00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:28,876
Oh, well, you'll love this guy.
451
00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:30,460
He's loaded.
452
00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:33,255
(chuckles)
Let's go.
453
00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:36,675
Wait. Why are you wearing
a wedding dress?
454
00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:38,594
Is it because you're a loon
455
00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:41,471
that got stood up
and can't get over it?
456
00:19:42,806 --> 00:19:45,559
Just like Mother.
457
00:19:45,642 --> 00:19:47,769
-When are we gonna warn Willie?
-Why do we have to warn Willie?
458
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,563
-He doesn't have any money.
-Okay.
459
00:19:49,646 --> 00:19:51,023
Then when are we gonna warn her?
460
00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:52,482
We don't need to warn her.
461
00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:55,277
Her heart is as cold
as a Rocky Mountain Duff.
462
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:58,488
D.J. Kirk,
let's get this party rockin'.
463
00:19:58,572 --> 00:20:01,783
Did somebody say
crank up the volume?
464
00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:07,122
No one said crank up
the volume.
465
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,624
Damn it!
466
00:20:11,126 --> 00:20:12,836
("Mars" by Gustav Holst plays)
467
00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:19,551
Papa?
468
00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:23,388
Son, it's...
it's so great to see you.
469
00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:25,390
(groans)
470
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:28,352
I wanna hear everything
about your top-secret mission.
471
00:20:28,435 --> 00:20:29,770
Of course.
Of course.
472
00:20:29,853 --> 00:20:31,772
Let me just go, uh,
get some space cigarettes
473
00:20:31,855 --> 00:20:34,107
and we'll have
a long, long talk.
474
00:20:34,191 --> 00:20:36,276
I'd like that.
475
00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:39,154
Oh, I finally have a dad again.
476
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:30,747
Shh!
477
00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:36,003
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH