1 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,884 (Lisa yawning) 2 00:00:10,927 --> 00:00:13,471 (yawning loudly) 3 00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:15,015 Ah. 4 00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:19,227 In case you were wondering why I'm so tired... 5 00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:21,229 -I wasn't. -I was up late 6 00:00:21,312 --> 00:00:24,024 watching French films... in French. 7 00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:27,902 And then, last night, my dreams were in French! 8 00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:30,113 My dream is you keep moving. 9 00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:36,244 FRENCH NARRATOR: Lisa Simpson, a bright girl in a dull school. 10 00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:38,038 She likes the sound a Sharpie makes 11 00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:39,581 when she does well on a test. 12 00:00:39,664 --> 00:00:41,958 (squeaking) 13 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:45,462 She adores the woody sweetness of a fresh baritone reed. 14 00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:46,880 Mmm. 15 00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:49,049 But she hates, more than anything, 16 00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:51,718 finding a place to eat at lunch. 17 00:00:51,801 --> 00:00:53,887 ♪ ♪ 18 00:00:57,348 --> 00:00:59,225 (gasps, groans) 19 00:01:00,518 --> 00:01:01,811 (sighs) 20 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,067 What was this? 21 00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,902 You will soon see. 22 00:01:08,985 --> 00:01:10,570 Frankly, I am redundant. 23 00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:18,661 "J. Beardsley." 24 00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:21,414 (gasps) Jasper! 25 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:23,208 FRENCH NARRATOR: Suddenly, in the middle 26 00:01:23,291 --> 00:01:26,711 of this crap school, a mystery! 27 00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:29,005 Meanwhile, for the first time in his life, 28 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:30,882 Homer would be disappointed in a kitchen. 29 00:01:30,965 --> 00:01:33,134 Oh, my God. Leftovers! 30 00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:37,639 Air, nothing, more air, space, air, 31 00:01:37,722 --> 00:01:39,599 not spaghetti, not meatloaf, 32 00:01:39,682 --> 00:01:41,851 missing chili, absence of mac and cheese! 33 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,478 There must be some food here. 34 00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:44,979 (gasps) 35 00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:47,607 The devil's trees. 36 00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:49,400 No! 37 00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:51,361 -Homie, relax. -Okay. 38 00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:54,239 I've decided to be a Tubberware salesperson. 39 00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:56,199 Tubberware? Isn't that the thing 40 00:01:56,282 --> 00:01:57,867 where you find people to host parties 41 00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:00,495 where you then sell everyone plastic food boxes? 42 00:02:00,578 --> 00:02:02,539 Well, you do your Kickstarters. 43 00:02:02,622 --> 00:02:05,083 Hey, if people pay to send me on my tour 44 00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:08,545 of rocking chairs in the Midwest, that helps everyone. 45 00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,463 We really could use the money. 46 00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,298 They're still garnishing your wages 47 00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:14,467 after that garnish war you waged. 48 00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:16,386 Please, Homie. 49 00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:18,179 I want to open a checking account 50 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:20,765 so the family finally has one. 51 00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:24,018 Marge, no wife of mine will ever have to work. 52 00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:26,437 Is what men used to say for some insane reason. 53 00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:28,523 You have my blessing. 54 00:02:28,606 --> 00:02:30,608 Where's Jasper? He's late again. 55 00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:32,861 Maybe we should feed the birds without him. 56 00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:35,196 Don't tell me you fed the birds without me? 57 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:36,865 You were in a coma! 58 00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:38,616 Mein Gott, what else happened? 59 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,326 You won't like who's president. 60 00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:41,995 It's not Bernie? 61 00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:45,748 (Amélie theme plays) 62 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,959 FRENCH NARRATOR: Lisa returned Jasper's childhood, 63 00:02:48,042 --> 00:02:51,421 and all she wanted was her own secret giggle. 64 00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:54,090 (whispers): Jasper. 65 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,592 (gasps, coughs) 66 00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:58,094 Oh, my God. 67 00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:03,099 What do you got there? A bento box? 68 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:05,643 Somebody's ashes? Apple TV? 69 00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:08,104 Oy. One more guess, and I'm gonna need a nap. 70 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,647 When I was six years old, 71 00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:11,900 I brought my treasure box for show-and-tell. 72 00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:14,277 Another kid took it, never gave it back. 73 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,487 (cries softly) And now, somehow, it's here. 74 00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,823 I've been angry my whole life, but suddenly, 75 00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:21,868 the world seems... magical. 76 00:03:21,951 --> 00:03:24,037 FRENCH NARRATOR: For the first time ever, 77 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,788 Lisa experienced a feeling 78 00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:28,166 that could only be described as... magnifique. 79 00:03:28,249 --> 00:03:30,084 I don't mean to overstate this, 80 00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:32,253 but the sun is shining a little bit brighter, 81 00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:35,965 because of me! 82 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:38,343 Tubberware? I'd love to buy some. 83 00:03:38,426 --> 00:03:40,011 No, you don't buy it now. 84 00:03:40,094 --> 00:03:43,514 You have a party, and then I sell it to your friends. 85 00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:45,099 -No! -(sighs) 86 00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:47,060 You have the party at your house... 87 00:03:47,143 --> 00:03:48,645 Oh. 88 00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:51,105 Then, when your friends fill out the order forms, we... 89 00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:52,565 Oh. 90 00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,651 If you host a Tubberware party, 91 00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:58,029 you get an exclusive gift: a lemonade pitcher! 92 00:03:58,112 --> 00:04:02,617 Ma'am, if the good Lord wanted us to store juice in plastic, 93 00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:06,037 he wouldn't have made a possum's bladder watertight. 94 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,540 JULIO: Okay, Marge, you're like 95 00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:11,668 a black hole of sadness and split ends. 96 00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:13,294 What is wrong with you? 97 00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:16,172 I haven't booked a single Tubberware party. 98 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,299 I don't know why I thought I could do this. 99 00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:21,719 I don't have that... What's the Jewish word for "chutzpah"? 100 00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:23,513 You mean you have no confidence? 101 00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:26,349 I don't. I always take the bad pancake. 102 00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:29,519 I spend so much time putting sunscreen on everyone else, 103 00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:31,187 I get sunburned. 104 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:35,566 Ooh. Just like with a doormat, the key is underneath. 105 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,485 -Huh? -You know what? 106 00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:39,237 I will throw a Tubberware party for you. 107 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,239 But it's gonna take me a while to plan. 108 00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:43,658 -How about tonight? -You're on! 109 00:04:43,741 --> 00:04:46,160 What the heck are you doing? 110 00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:49,497 That's a punchbowl, and that's for leftover lasagna. 111 00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:52,208 What?! Whoever heard of leftover lasagna? 112 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,502 (groans) Maybe you should just go to Moe's. 113 00:04:54,585 --> 00:04:56,921 Fine, but I'm not gonna get drunk. 114 00:04:57,005 --> 00:05:00,174 Oh, okay, sweetie, I'll get drunk. 115 00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:02,552 I just can't stay sober at you. 116 00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:04,387 (groans) Aah! 117 00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:06,639 I can't do this. I can't do this! 118 00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:09,559 Can't? Can't? Marge, I never want 119 00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:13,062 to hear you use the C-A-next-Tuesday word again. 120 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:16,733 You need to tap into your female warrior side. 121 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:18,192 I don't have one of those. 122 00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:20,194 Then we're gonna have to create one! 123 00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:22,196 Makeover time! 124 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,698 (air compressor whirring) 125 00:05:23,781 --> 00:05:27,452 Okay, think pretty thoughts! 126 00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:29,329 (hissing) 127 00:05:31,914 --> 00:05:35,043 Now, get rid of those things on your feet and put these on. 128 00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:40,381 Mmm. It changes my whole body. 129 00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:44,052 (gasps) And what is going on back there? 130 00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:48,056 Behold, your rump has become... a booty, baby! 131 00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:49,557 Mm-hmm. 132 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:53,019 Now go out there and sell some thingies! 133 00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:55,021 Mmm. 134 00:05:55,104 --> 00:05:56,981 GRADY: Julio, 135 00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:58,524 what is this? I don't want to sit 136 00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:00,360 through some kind of sales pitch. 137 00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:02,820 I just want a simple evening of appetizers, 138 00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:05,531 cocktails and nitrous oxide. 139 00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,658 (lower voice): Hello, boys. 140 00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:09,786 I see you're checking out the merchandise. 141 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:13,664 Let me assure you, the lids match the tubs. 142 00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:14,832 (all laughing) 143 00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:18,336 Mm. Mm-hmm. 144 00:06:18,419 --> 00:06:21,964 Oh. You should have told us this was a drag Tubberware party. 145 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:25,218 He's the most convincing woman I've ever seen. 146 00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:26,844 Oh, oh, yes, yes. 147 00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:28,971 He is quite the impersonator. 148 00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:31,432 He calls himself "Marge." 149 00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:33,684 Perfect! "Marge." 150 00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:36,771 If she were any more camp, she'd be a Coleman lantern. 151 00:06:36,854 --> 00:06:40,817 All right, boys, let's put tops on bottoms. 152 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:44,278 (all laughing) 153 00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:46,697 And you wanted to go dancing. 154 00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:48,991 Mm. Mm-mm-mm-mm. 155 00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:51,035 And voilà-- a Marge-tini! 156 00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,787 But don't worry. 157 00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:55,790 That's not the only surprise I've got tucked away. 158 00:06:55,873 --> 00:06:58,000 -She's funny. -Bea Arthur funny? 159 00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,919 No one's that funny. 160 00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:02,797 FRENCH NARRATOR: And that night, Marge sold more Tubberware 161 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:04,424 than she ever imagined. 162 00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:07,176 And I, drawn by the farcical premise, 163 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:09,554 began narrating her story, too. 164 00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:11,139 Look at all these orders! 165 00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:12,765 I'm really good at this. 166 00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:15,476 Yeah, well, uh, you see, um... 167 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,478 "Marge" is good at this. 168 00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:19,856 Yeah, Marge. Me. I'm Marge. 169 00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:21,649 Okay, so here's what happened, okay? 170 00:07:21,732 --> 00:07:24,694 This is so important, I'm gonna drop the accent. 171 00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:26,529 (without accent): Everyone thought 172 00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:28,448 -you were a drag queen. -(gasps) 173 00:07:31,742 --> 00:07:33,619 I felt so pretty, but the whole time, 174 00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,580 people thought I was a man. 175 00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:38,458 A man who looked like a fabulous woman! 176 00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:42,628 Drag queens can be very beautiful. Exhibit: me. 177 00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:45,089 I call myself "Penelope Cruising." 178 00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:48,634 I was Mr. Burns's date for the Kennedy Center Honors. 179 00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,553 See? Look how cute I am. 180 00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:53,848 All his dates have to give him transfusions. 181 00:07:53,931 --> 00:07:57,310 Now I know why he said I was his type. 182 00:07:57,393 --> 00:07:58,895 You get it? 183 00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:01,481 Well, the next time, I'm just going to be myself. 184 00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:04,484 But that was you, you with confidence. 185 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:06,486 Oh, you're just being nice. 186 00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:08,696 It was ju! It was ju! It was ju! 187 00:08:08,779 --> 00:08:11,532 And besides, the top Tubberware sellers-- 188 00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:13,034 they're all drag queens. 189 00:08:13,117 --> 00:08:15,119 What? That can't be true. 190 00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:22,543 So, what do you say, Marge? Are you in it to win it? 191 00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:24,295 CONTAINER: Go for it, Marge! 192 00:08:24,378 --> 00:08:27,006 Who cares if what's outside doesn't match what's inside? 193 00:08:27,089 --> 00:08:31,427 I'm labeled "Lunch Snacks," but people use me to store pot. 194 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,471 And I'm for storing bread. 195 00:08:33,554 --> 00:08:37,475 All the bread you're gonna make selling Tubberware. 196 00:08:37,558 --> 00:08:39,644 Did you just high-five that bowl? 197 00:08:39,727 --> 00:08:42,522 Be cool, Marge. Be cool. 198 00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:46,067 Homer, order anything you like. It's on me. 199 00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:47,985 Anything. 200 00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:50,404 Okay. I'm gonna need two menus and four tables. 201 00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,198 And get rid of all this silverware. 202 00:08:52,281 --> 00:08:54,408 -It just slows me down. -I got it. I got it. 203 00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:58,120 We need help. Someone get Mama back from bingo. 204 00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,122 I am on my way. 205 00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:01,916 But all you need is a "G." 206 00:09:01,999 --> 00:09:04,919 You should be like the "G" in gnocchi-- 207 00:09:05,002 --> 00:09:07,296 silent! 208 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:10,383 Mmm. Oh, Marge, thank you. 209 00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:13,135 Thank you. I'm so happy! 210 00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:15,263 And there it is. 211 00:09:16,764 --> 00:09:20,059 Leftover lasagna. 212 00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:29,485 D'oh! 213 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,904 FRENCH NARRATOR: Lisa still felt sort of magnifique, 214 00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,740 but the magical feeling from her good deed started to fade. 215 00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,492 So she thought: 216 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,536 why not secretly bring magic into others' lives? 217 00:09:38,619 --> 00:09:40,371 Yes. 218 00:09:40,454 --> 00:09:42,748 FRENCH NARRATOR: Her first project: restore the lost love 219 00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:46,085 between the identical-looking Kirk and Luann. 220 00:09:46,168 --> 00:09:49,255 (Amélie theme plays) 221 00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:02,935 KIRK: Looks like dying my nose hair's 222 00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:05,813 really paying off! 223 00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:07,440 FRENCH NARRATOR: Next, Lisa helped Gil, 224 00:10:07,523 --> 00:10:09,859 Springfield's Pepé Le Pew, minus the charm. 225 00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:13,696 Sir, would ya like one? No, huh? Well, I guess not. 226 00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:15,823 Ma'am? Uh, maybe next time. 227 00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:17,867 Come on! I only get paid if they're all gone. 228 00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:20,536 And they check the trash, believe me. 229 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:23,623 Oh, my God. People are taking them! 230 00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:28,377 I'm turning the heat on in my car tonight. 231 00:10:32,256 --> 00:10:33,507 LISA: Bart. Wake up. 232 00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:35,676 Bart! I need your help again. 233 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,595 FRENCH NARRATOR: But Lisa's greatest challenge 234 00:10:37,678 --> 00:10:39,847 was to make Mrs. Skinner believe in her son again. 235 00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:42,183 So Lisa created an imaginary journal for Seymour, 236 00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:44,185 one that would mend all fences. 237 00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:47,688 I have to get this fake diary into Skinner's house. 238 00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,065 Here's the key. 239 00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:51,067 Here's a floor plan of the house. 240 00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:54,070 Oh, and here's some tuna. I'm making his cat really fat. 241 00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:56,697 (yawning) 242 00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,742 So Lisa hid the diary 243 00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:01,786 where she knew Mrs. Skinner would find it-- 244 00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:04,497 anywhere a grown man would expect privacy. 245 00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:05,873 Huh? 246 00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:08,292 "Mother is a great woman." 247 00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:10,294 (gasps) Seymour loves me! 248 00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:12,755 Oh, my God! How does a mother apologize 249 00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:16,258 for 50 years of ridiculing her son? 250 00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:20,054 A gift card now, and an apology on my deathbed. 251 00:11:20,137 --> 00:11:23,474 Meanwhile, to help perfect her art and increase business, 252 00:11:23,557 --> 00:11:25,059 Julio took Marge 253 00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:27,061 to Springfield's hottest drag club, 254 00:11:27,144 --> 00:11:30,231 with its most confusing bathroom signage. 255 00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:33,067 Marge, this is Queen Chanté, 256 00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:35,236 Barbra Streisman, 257 00:11:35,319 --> 00:11:37,321 the Mysterious Waylon, 258 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,240 and Fiona Adams Apple. 259 00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:41,659 Hello, squirrel-friend. 260 00:11:41,742 --> 00:11:43,244 You're the tallest thing I ever... 261 00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:45,079 (gasps) And you're still getting up. 262 00:11:45,162 --> 00:11:46,997 Honey, I spend half my day getting up 263 00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:48,666 and the other half getting down. 264 00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:51,043 -Oh-kurr?! -This is the kind of confidence 265 00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:52,336 that you need. 266 00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:54,088 The secret is to imagine 267 00:11:54,171 --> 00:11:57,591 the fiercest version of yourself, then realize... 268 00:11:57,675 --> 00:11:59,719 you are that version! 269 00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:01,345 Mel, is that you? 270 00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:05,224 Yes! I've taped my bone between my legs. 271 00:12:05,307 --> 00:12:08,018 Your Majesty, can Marge lip-synch with us? 272 00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:10,771 Honey, I'll tell you what I told Eddie Murphy: 273 00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:12,523 "Sure, why not?" 274 00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:14,942 So, tell me about this "Marge" character. 275 00:12:15,025 --> 00:12:16,902 What is she like? 276 00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:19,029 Well, she's long-suffering, 277 00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:20,865 kind of a single mom... 278 00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:22,616 and that's it. 279 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:26,871 She's a damn hero, is what she is, sis. (clucks tongue) 280 00:12:26,954 --> 00:12:29,957 ♪ ♪ 281 00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:33,711 ♪ You've got all eyes on you ♪ 282 00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:35,755 ♪ A nasty housewife lady ♪ 283 00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:37,423 ♪ Come out of your mom shell ♪ 284 00:12:37,506 --> 00:12:39,800 ♪ And become a bombshell ♪ 285 00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:41,802 ♪ You've got this, Margie ♪ 286 00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:43,804 ♪ You're stronger than you know ♪ 287 00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,431 ♪ Get up and dance ♪ 288 00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:47,391 -Oh! -♪ Get up, get up and ♪ 289 00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:49,310 ♪ Sashay with Chanté ♪ 290 00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:50,978 ♪ Work that blue bouffanté ♪ 291 00:12:51,061 --> 00:12:52,313 ♪ Do it, do it ♪ 292 00:12:52,396 --> 00:12:53,481 ♪ Oh ♪ 293 00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:55,316 ♪ All the boys say ♪ 294 00:12:55,399 --> 00:12:57,151 Women can have it all. 295 00:12:57,234 --> 00:12:59,069 Even penises! 296 00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:00,404 ♪ She's so chic ♪ 297 00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,406 ♪ Such savoir faire ♪ 298 00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:04,283 ♪ Serving housewife realness ♪ 299 00:13:04,366 --> 00:13:06,327 ♪ Selling Tubberware ♪ 300 00:13:06,410 --> 00:13:08,496 ♪ She's a female phenomenon ♪ 301 00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:10,748 ♪ And much more than a mom ♪ 302 00:13:10,831 --> 00:13:12,249 ♪ So sexy, so snuggable ♪ 303 00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,502 ♪ Her cocoa is so chuggable ♪ 304 00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:16,796 ♪ Our blue duck has become a swan ♪ 305 00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:18,839 ♪ She's a Glamazon. ♪ 306 00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:21,759 ♪ Sashay with Chanté ♪ 307 00:13:21,842 --> 00:13:24,011 ♪ Work that blue bouffanté... ♪ 308 00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:25,262 Oh, hi, Helen. 309 00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:26,764 Hi, Marge. 310 00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:28,849 I heard you're selling Tubberware. 311 00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:30,851 Money troubles at home? 312 00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:33,020 Why are you so bitter, Helen? 313 00:13:33,103 --> 00:13:36,482 Is it because your husband would rather play with his toy train 314 00:13:36,565 --> 00:13:38,442 than with you? 315 00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:39,819 -(gasps) -All aboard! 316 00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:41,570 Not Helen! 317 00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:44,448 You better beware, Bart. 318 00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:46,867 Mom just grew a backbone. 319 00:13:50,788 --> 00:13:52,957 -(Mrs. Skinner laughs) -You mean it, Mother? 320 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:55,125 You'll finally let me take karate lessons? 321 00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:57,002 I'll even buy you a gi. 322 00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:59,004 Oh, I won't have to wear pajamas? 323 00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:01,340 Only at bedtime-- which I'm moving to 324 00:14:01,423 --> 00:14:03,843 after The Big Bang Theory. 325 00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:05,427 Bazinga! 326 00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,221 FRENCH NARRATOR: All seemed well, 327 00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:09,723 but like Young Sheldon, it would not last forever. 328 00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:15,813 Oh, hello, Mother. Karate is so much better than I ever... 329 00:14:15,896 --> 00:14:18,482 Seymour! I knew this journal was a lie! 330 00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:21,068 Um, how would you know that? 331 00:14:21,151 --> 00:14:22,987 Seymour never uses semicolons. 332 00:14:24,071 --> 00:14:26,031 He says they make him queasy. 333 00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:28,742 I don't even keep a journal. I have no inner thoughts. 334 00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:31,203 I planted that journal. I'm sorry. 335 00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:34,415 I did it so you'd be nicer to your son. 336 00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:37,167 Nicer?! I spoiled the little loser! 337 00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:39,920 But not anymore. 338 00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:41,338 I'm so sorry. 339 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:43,090 (sobbing) 340 00:14:44,341 --> 00:14:46,427 Oh, my God, that poor girl. 341 00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:49,263 Go to her, Seymour. Give her an "A." 342 00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:51,849 The teachers' union forbids me from giving out 343 00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:54,226 anything more encouraging than a pumpkin sticker. 344 00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:57,062 You're a disgrace to that yellow belt! 345 00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:59,523 (giggling) Look at me, boys! 346 00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:02,192 I'm living off my wife like Mr. Meryl Streep! 347 00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:03,611 Don Gummer. 348 00:15:03,694 --> 00:15:06,238 Homer, do you know exactly what Marge is up to? 349 00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:09,283 Because, uh, we know, and we've told everybody except you. 350 00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:10,618 Like true friends. 351 00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:11,952 (both chuckle) 352 00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:13,037 What's going on? 353 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:14,872 If you want to know the truth, 354 00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:17,958 -go to this address. -That's the address of this bar. 355 00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:20,127 That's right. Get really drunk, 356 00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:23,255 then go to this address. Uh-huh. 357 00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:25,466 (groans nervously) 358 00:15:27,968 --> 00:15:29,887 Hello. Are you on the list? 359 00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:32,556 I have to be on the list for a Tubberware party? 360 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,433 Well, you do for this one. 361 00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:37,895 Marge is like if Donna Reed and Donna Summer combined 362 00:15:37,978 --> 00:15:40,648 to solve all your food storage problems. 363 00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:43,067 And rumor has it, out of drag, 364 00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:46,445 Marge is hot, hunky and all man. 365 00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:48,447 My wife is none of those things! 366 00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:50,324 She leaves the room to burp! 367 00:15:50,407 --> 00:15:53,577 Marge! You didn't tell me you're tricking all these people 368 00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:55,913 into thinking you're a drag queen, when you're really 369 00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:59,667 a regular housewife in need of empowerment, and now... 370 00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:03,003 that I say it out loud, it doesn't seem so bad. 371 00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:04,505 She's not a female impersonator. 372 00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:07,341 -She's just a personator. -Women co-opt everything. 373 00:16:07,424 --> 00:16:08,592 GEOFFREY: Good to see 374 00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:10,636 another couple in trouble. 375 00:16:10,719 --> 00:16:12,680 -Let's go, Dewey. -I'm not leaving 376 00:16:12,763 --> 00:16:14,932 till I find my butter tub. 377 00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:17,017 Look in the mirror. 378 00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:21,522 HOMER: Kids, 379 00:16:21,605 --> 00:16:23,524 please give us a moment. 380 00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:25,359 You're cool. 381 00:16:25,442 --> 00:16:27,277 "Marjorie, I'm not a perfect man, 382 00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:29,321 "but I like to think I've evolved. 383 00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:30,990 "I've accepted the several different actors 384 00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:32,449 "who played Batman. 385 00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:35,202 I now believe cats should earn as much as dogs." 386 00:16:35,285 --> 00:16:37,121 I don't want to hear your stupid speech. 387 00:16:37,204 --> 00:16:41,750 I had a moment of confidence, and now it's destroyed. 388 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,044 I'm going out. You can watch the kids 389 00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:45,546 and wonder where I am. 390 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,008 (gasps) 391 00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:52,052 (fake snoring) 392 00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:55,472 No. I don't want anything to do with him. 393 00:16:57,433 --> 00:16:59,935 (Lisa crying) 394 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,938 Lisa, are you okay? 395 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,482 I tried to play God, and like the real God, 396 00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:07,276 it went horribly wrong. 397 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,987 FRENCH NARRATOR: Life was a struggle for the Simpson women. 398 00:17:10,070 --> 00:17:11,405 Even Maggie. 399 00:17:11,488 --> 00:17:14,408 But where there is life, there is hope. 400 00:17:15,617 --> 00:17:17,536 (sound of rooster crowing) 401 00:17:17,619 --> 00:17:20,581 That was the beginning of a new day, a wonderful day, 402 00:17:20,664 --> 00:17:23,500 a day that would soon change the Simpson women forever. 403 00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:26,587 (Amélie theme plays) 404 00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:34,762 ♪ ♪ 405 00:17:36,096 --> 00:17:38,140 (sighs): Oh... 406 00:17:39,808 --> 00:17:41,935 Read the tots. 407 00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:43,729 LISA: "Go to the roof"? 408 00:17:43,812 --> 00:17:45,105 Enjoy. 409 00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:47,024 Next! 410 00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:48,358 NELSON: Huh? 411 00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:50,319 Aw, man! 412 00:17:52,821 --> 00:17:55,240 Lisa, would you join us for lunch? 413 00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:59,286 We decided to bring some magic into your life. 414 00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:04,792 Ah, you deserve it, sweetie. You're the only person 415 00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:07,628 in this town who thinks about someone other than herself. 416 00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:11,298 The only person who would listen to old Gil when he... 417 00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:14,301 She had finally found her place to eat lunch. 418 00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:17,137 But what is this? Has Homer lost his will to drink? 419 00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:19,139 Homer, we're sorry we razzed ya. 420 00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:21,183 We were just trying to hurt your feelings. 421 00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:22,726 I am so sorry. 422 00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:24,645 I don't know what I can do. 423 00:18:24,728 --> 00:18:26,647 Nothing you can do. Change your name, 424 00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:29,274 glue on a wig and find yourself a new woman. 425 00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:30,651 (gasps) That's it! 426 00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:32,402 Moe, you're a genius! 427 00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:34,154 Wish me luck. 428 00:18:36,573 --> 00:18:39,618 Why do people always stride out without paying their tab? 429 00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:42,663 I have no idea. But as God is my witness, 430 00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:45,249 I will find out! 431 00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:50,087 You two stay right there. 432 00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:51,463 ♪ ♪ 433 00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:54,299 Everyone, I have two enormously sad things 434 00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:57,177 I feel a need to tell all of you. 435 00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:59,304 Number one-- I've deceived you. 436 00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:01,515 I'm not a drag queen. 437 00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:03,600 (chuckles) Girl, you didn't deceive nobody. 438 00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:05,310 We all knew. 439 00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:07,604 I didn't know, but I'm super self-involved. 440 00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:09,773 Oh. Now number two. 441 00:19:09,857 --> 00:19:11,775 FRENCH NARRATOR: And, as always happens in such matters, 442 00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:13,777 number two is the kicker. 443 00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:15,362 My husband and I have had 444 00:19:15,445 --> 00:19:17,447 more than the usual number of scrapes, 445 00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:20,284 but we've always gotten back to our love. 446 00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:21,702 But this time, 447 00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:25,205 you all made me feel understood and supported, 448 00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:29,668 and therefore made me realize how selfish Homer is. 449 00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:32,212 -ALL: Oh... -Oh, honey. 450 00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:34,631 And what hurts the most is that I can't imagine 451 00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:38,468 there's anything he can say or do to make me come back. 452 00:19:38,552 --> 00:19:40,512 HOMER: Oh. Well, then I went through 453 00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:42,556 a lot of work for nothing. 454 00:19:42,639 --> 00:19:45,559 -Homie. -Honey, I understand it now. 455 00:19:45,642 --> 00:19:48,312 The feeling of power, the mystery, 456 00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:51,315 wondering: is she or isn't she? 457 00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:53,817 Hey, believe me, nobody is wondering, baby. 458 00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:55,903 ♪ ♪ 459 00:19:57,487 --> 00:19:58,739 Ow! 460 00:19:58,822 --> 00:20:00,699 If you don't go to him, Marge, I will. 461 00:20:00,782 --> 00:20:02,743 And he will never leave my kitchen. 462 00:20:02,826 --> 00:20:07,080 My pulled pork banh mi keeps baby in the cradle. 463 00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:09,374 Oh, Homie, I love you! 464 00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:12,502 ("You Make Me Feel" by Sylvester playing) 465 00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:14,713 ♪ When we're out there dancing... ♪ 466 00:20:14,796 --> 00:20:17,841 Having a man dressed like a woman 467 00:20:17,925 --> 00:20:20,510 to win back his woman who pretended to be 468 00:20:20,594 --> 00:20:22,387 a man dressed like a woman 469 00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:25,390 is the most romantic thing I've ever seen. 470 00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:27,267 FRENCH NARRATOR: And so all was well. 471 00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:30,520 Au revoir jusqu'à la prochaine fois, 472 00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:31,730 or, in English... 473 00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:34,358 Bye! 474 00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:40,614 So, are you a... you're a drag queen now? 475 00:20:40,697 --> 00:20:43,242 I don't know. I guess these days it's okay for everyone 476 00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:46,578 -to be everything. -So, miss, are you alone? 477 00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:48,372 It's me, Homer! 478 00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:50,457 Hmm? Oh! 479 00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:54,044 All the good ones are either married or Homer. 480 00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:41,091 Shh! 481 00:21:44,052 --> 00:21:46,013 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH