1
00:00:02,127 --> 00:00:04,129
<i>偷来的礼物</i>

2
00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:06,131
辛普森一家

3
00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:07,549
<i>欢迎莅临春田核电厂</i>

4
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,428
<i>崇高的灵魂让矮小的人显得伟大</i>

5
00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:12,429
<i>机器人的地牢和棒球卡店</i>

6
00:00:12,512 --> 00:00:13,304
<i>猪油小子甜甜圈</i>

7
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:14,431
<i>库斯提圣诞节特别节目</i>
<i>《马厩里的嘿嘿》</i>

8
00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:15,390
<i>春田小学</i>

9
00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:18,852
<i>我的圣诞节前行为有利煤矿业</i>

10
00:00:22,605 --> 00:00:26,651
<i>三天零事故</i>

11
00:00:30,155 --> 00:00:31,031
噢

12
00:00:53,970 --> 00:00:55,055
抱歉 没空位了

13
00:01:02,937 --> 00:01:05,190
<i>今晚 二年级话剧表演</i>
<i>比去年缩短两小时</i>

14
00:01:05,273 --> 00:01:06,232
<i>食物</i>

15
00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:08,234
我是花椰菜 能让你身材苗条

16
00:01:08,359 --> 00:01:11,112
我的头长在茎上 颜色是…

17
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:13,323
是…

18
00:01:16,701 --> 00:01:19,162
嗯 是…啊

19
00:01:19,370 --> 00:01:20,997
真是的 你这傻瓜

20
00:01:21,122 --> 00:01:22,916
颜色就跟你的服装一样 帮帮忙

21
00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:24,375
紫色

22
00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:26,586
离开舞台 滚出我的视线

23
00:01:26,711 --> 00:01:28,922
-上你爸妈的车
-好吧

24
00:01:29,005 --> 00:01:31,341
你以后都不能演二年级话剧了

25
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:32,634
万岁

26
00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:38,264
接着是暖心故事 介绍小牛肉的由来

27
00:01:43,853 --> 00:01:45,522
你好 朋友

28
00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:52,779
不 你答应会删掉这一段

29
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:56,950
不对 我删掉你这段因为你很招人烦

30
00:01:57,408 --> 00:01:58,827
算了 表演结束

31
00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:03,873
好吧

32
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:07,210
起码能让我拿回
表演后的杯子蛋糕吧

33
00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:08,962
我们都已经吃光了

34
00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:10,839
不

35
00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:13,049
我打破基本原则

36
00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:15,135
千万不要投资自己的产品

37
00:02:15,593 --> 00:02:17,804
但我要拿回我的万用胶带

38
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:22,976
还有灯泡 好烫…

39
00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:25,145
我是在演戏吗 不

40
00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:26,813
<i>奇异100瓦灯泡</i>

41
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:31,901
我卡在猪肉装里

42
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:34,237
变成自己讨厌的东西

43
00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:39,159
你是最棒的 宝贝

44
00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:42,120
什么 我连念台词的机会都没有

45
00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:45,165
噢 我要哭了

46
00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:49,210
噢 不 我讨厌看到猪排哭

47
00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:02,390
<i>春田警察</i>

48
00:03:02,473 --> 00:03:05,935
绿的

49
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,938
来不及了 孩子 玩警笛吧

50
00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:18,573
76 82 79

51
00:03:19,073 --> 00:03:20,992
霍默 那是气象预报

52
00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:22,243
噢

53
00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:23,411
<i>周一 周二…周六</i>
<i>晴 部分多云 雨</i>

54
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,664
霍默 我要你安慰莉萨

55
00:03:27,081 --> 00:03:27,999
我有啊

56
00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:31,044
对吧 亲爱的 哎哟

57
00:03:31,586 --> 00:03:34,547
你根本没跟她说话 连眼神交流都没

58
00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:36,633
你知道我的眼神交流的东西后

59
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,259
包准会大吃一惊

60
00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:41,137
好吧 那现在她在干嘛

61
00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:46,226
在骑小马 吹单簧管

62
00:03:47,268 --> 00:03:48,770
有了 抗议捕鲸

63
00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:51,189
我在读《梅冈城故事》

64
00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:55,818
记住 故事背景是很久以前的南方

65
00:03:56,027 --> 00:04:00,740
但可怕的种族歧视至今仍无所不在

66
00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:02,450
<i>春田购物中心 捕鼠队在三楼</i>

67
00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:03,618
<i>赤贫五金店 贫困谷仓</i>

68
00:04:03,701 --> 00:04:04,827
我们去你喜欢的每家商店购物

69
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:05,787
<i>工资差距</i>

70
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:07,705
只要里面有椅子坐就好
那间椅子专卖店除外

71
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:08,748
我进黑名单了

72
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:09,958
<i>玩具店 凯蒂猫专卖店</i>

73
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:12,502
肯特·布拉克曼在这里访问三名

74
00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:15,004
投给特朗普的蓝领阶级男子
你们感觉如何

75
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,715
-拜托 别问了
-绝不会了

76
00:04:17,882 --> 00:04:18,967
<i>童装店</i>

77
00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:21,177
就这家店吧 来买甜点给我的小女儿

78
00:04:21,552 --> 00:04:24,222
加了糖和香料等等 搞什么

79
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:25,932
“电臀女孩”

80
00:04:26,307 --> 00:04:28,893
“甜蜜宝贝”
“宝贝的第一条丁字裤”

81
00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:31,187
那些是我们的几个高档品牌

82
00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:33,940
我们也有“约炮来电”
“邋遢厌食女”

83
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,943
“边缘13” 男童系列则有
“脱衣舞男杰克”

84
00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:38,653
真是岂有此理

85
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:42,156
够了 我听够了 三个太超过了

86
00:04:42,323 --> 00:04:44,826
我女儿还是甜美的小女孩

87
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:48,079
这是啥 拜托

88
00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:52,959
我女儿不是性玩物 她需要被尊重

89
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,211
<i>《梅岗城故事》</i>

90
00:04:56,587 --> 00:04:57,964
天真无邪的女孩

91
00:05:00,591 --> 00:05:01,926
膝袜

92
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,472
成长得太快

93
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,812
我们法庭上见

94
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:20,611
爸爸 我对你有新看法

95
00:05:20,778 --> 00:05:22,613
你成了我书里的英雄

96
00:05:22,947 --> 00:05:24,240
你是说杀死知更鸟的那家伙吗

97
00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:25,867
没人杀了知更鸟

98
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:27,327
别…别爆雷

99
00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:28,786
你就像亚提库斯·芬奇

100
00:05:28,953 --> 00:05:32,415
谦逊又勇敢的男人
勇于为正义挺身而出

101
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:33,958
当然

102
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:37,211
我喜欢你让我觉得更安全

103
00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:39,464
她敬重我

104
00:05:39,630 --> 00:05:41,674
这比自动贩卖机的牛奶软糖

105
00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:45,053
撞下三剑客巧克力条的感觉更棒

106
00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:47,472
人类打败机器

107
00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:53,478
今晚就读到这吧 亲爱的

108
00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:55,521
-时间很晚了
-几点了

109
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:57,357
八点半

110
00:05:58,232 --> 00:05:59,609
我能看看你的怀表吗

111
00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:10,244
“给阿提库斯 我挚爱的丈夫”

112
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:14,624
黑白影像 电视坏了

113
00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:19,212
嘿 我们在看耶

114
00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:24,801
瞧瞧 是巴特·辛普森
穿着小短裤坐在沙发上

115
00:06:25,009 --> 00:06:26,177
你疯了吗

116
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,137
霍默是我的英雄

117
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:29,889
能不能好好说话

118
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:32,141
他为我挺身而出 超棒的

119
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:36,562
-真希望我爸也是个英雄
-如愿以偿了 儿子

120
00:06:36,687 --> 00:06:37,563
<i>五美元 英雄</i>

121
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:40,608
我们走吧 如果我发完五千份传单

122
00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:44,070
我就能拿到切片机挖出的火鸡肉碎片

123
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,114
我一定会死命挖

124
00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:49,117
我不在乎爸是不是你的英雄

125
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,953
知道我是谁的英雄吗
玛吉的 过来 女孩

126
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:58,000
好吧 狗是你的英雄
但我是你的人类英雄

127
00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:00,044
好吧

128
00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:01,921
但我是你的活人英雄

129
00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:04,465
你是暗示我挂了 举起你的双拳

130
00:07:05,174 --> 00:07:06,759
现在举起我的双拳

131
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,179
然后放下你的双拳

132
00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:12,765
我最厉害

133
00:07:14,642 --> 00:07:16,352
谁来帮我放下拳头

134
00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:21,315
<i>非动物实验 萨克斯风簧</i>

135
00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:29,115
<i>我爱霍默</i>

136
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:34,287
我一直很爱爸爸

137
00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:36,622
但这次的爱不一样 也更美好

138
00:07:37,039 --> 00:07:38,291
我仰慕他

139
00:07:38,374 --> 00:07:39,375
<i>春田科学博物馆</i>

140
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,461
他每年带我去一次科博馆

141
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:44,464
噢

142
00:07:46,507 --> 00:07:47,467
噢

143
00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:54,182
我们去吃冰淇淋吧

144
00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:56,976
<i>海森汉堡薯条</i>

145
00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:59,353
宝贝 冰淇淋开始融化了

146
00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:00,730
爸爸来帮你

147
00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:02,398
<i>《飞出个未来》的科学</i>
<i>太空旅行 尼克松总统 激光</i>

148
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:03,357
帮点忙

149
00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:04,942
<i>星球 数据统计 机器人</i>
<i>享乐主义机器人 激光枪</i>

150
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:05,985
再帮点 再来

151
00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:06,944
<i>磁力 磁性领结</i>

152
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:09,906
糟糕 被爸爸吃光了 我的给你

153
00:08:10,114 --> 00:08:11,824
-谢谢
-让爸爸…

154
00:08:12,116 --> 00:08:12,992
我自己来

155
00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:17,747
而且他在课业上鼓励我

156
00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:18,748
<i>明天将有突袭小测验</i>

157
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:19,999
“二年级很残酷”

158
00:08:20,082 --> 00:08:20,958
<i>我的英雄</i>

159
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:24,045
“但杰姆跟我保证
年纪越大 我的课业会表现越好”

160
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:27,215
谁说我的课很残酷 谁又是杰姆

161
00:08:27,381 --> 00:08:28,591
你在说什么

162
00:08:28,716 --> 00:08:30,343
《梅冈城故事》那本书说的

163
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:33,304
第67页 您指定我们读的书

164
00:08:33,721 --> 00:08:35,932
我是指定你们看维基百科的文章

165
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,353
但我哥却不太开心

166
00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:41,979
<i>《嘲笑一只杀人鸟》</i>

167
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:45,107
妈 为什么我们不能像那样

168
00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:48,903
可以呀

169
00:08:53,407 --> 00:08:54,617
我吃到蓝色物质了

170
00:08:54,825 --> 00:08:56,577
好吧

171
00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:02,833
告诉你们吧 被自己的孩子喜欢

172
00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:04,877
是世上最美妙的感受

173
00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:06,796
我跟我老爸向来处不好

174
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:09,966
他一直很失望我没继承家族事业

175
00:09:10,341 --> 00:09:12,552
-他做什么
-《生活》杂志的编辑

176
00:09:12,718 --> 00:09:15,930
-那不是停刊了吗
-他一直说亲儿子

177
00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:19,016
会买下这家破产公司
改造成数字平台重新推出

178
00:09:19,183 --> 00:09:22,061
天使投资人想要太多股权了

179
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:23,479
抱歉了 老爸

180
00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:28,276
我爸在我最脆弱时离开

181
00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:31,779
就在我妈走了隔天 那星期可真难熬

182
00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:37,493
<i>爱情测试机器 达夫</i>

183
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,245
现在不是拍广告的好时机

184
00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:41,247
别担心 我们会用这些摄像机

185
00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:43,791
拍一部网飞的记录片

186
00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:46,752
他们什么都会买账

187
00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:49,338
<i>老莫小酒馆</i>

188
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,590
<i>公交站</i>

189
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:53,009
<i>金图特乐器商店</i>

190
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,774
甜点我做了黑莓派

191
00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:11,736
我帮爸爸做了蓝莓派

192
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:14,572
怎么办 该如何是好

193
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:18,367
所罗门王说“我应该吃两个派”

194
00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:20,786
所罗门王没说过这句话吧

195
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:26,334
可能是鲑鱼王说的 重点是派很好吃

196
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:31,797
霍默 我想巴特需要一点关心

197
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,759
关心莉萨 又要关心巴特

198
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,260
当我是关心超人吗

199
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:42,391
<i>学校治疗室</i>

200
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,810
好了 因为预算删减
每个人只有45秒

201
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:46,687
我解释完后剩下40秒 你快进去

202
00:10:46,937 --> 00:10:48,981
你经历的状况叫做“移情现象”

203
00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:51,275
也就是把你对母亲的感觉
投射到美术老师身上

204
00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:53,444
当你觉得有冲动想抱羽加道老师时

205
00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:54,862
就弹一下手腕的橡皮筋

206
00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:57,198
下一位

207
00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:00,493
你还在等什么 我只有一小时

208
00:11:00,576 --> 00:11:01,911
然后还要赶去另外14间学校

209
00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:03,287
我在车上吃午餐 因为我不能

210
00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:04,705
边吃东西边帮孩童做咨询

211
00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:06,582
我一直觉得我爸是个胖孬种

212
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,626
直到他开始关心起我的差劲老妹

213
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:11,462
我怎么会渴望他的关心呢
为什么我会难过

214
00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:13,964
家庭成员各司其职
改变会得到什么

215
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:15,049
怨恨和宣泄

216
00:11:15,132 --> 00:11:17,385
发泄有很多方式
噘嘴到武装抢劫都算

217
00:11:17,468 --> 00:11:18,928
-时间快到了
-我该怎么办

218
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:21,347
你别无选择 尽情发泄
直到有人关心你

219
00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:22,682
下一位

220
00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:24,934
好了 双人治疗 给你们90秒

221
00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:27,645
我是老大 她就是不承认

222
00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:29,563
<i>今天是桑娜·查默斯的犹太成年礼</i>

223
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:30,564
<i>贴身男仆</i>

224
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:34,902
-米尔豪斯 我要发泄了
-我们先留下悔过信吧

225
00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:35,861
<i>桑娜</i>

226
00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:37,780
我们还要顺路去自动照相亭

227
00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:40,074
-和香水店
-够了

228
00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:51,961
拜托 亲爱的 念快一点

229
00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:54,171
寿司已经放一小时了

230
00:11:54,296 --> 00:11:57,717
威利13岁时就去矿坑工作了

231
00:11:58,050 --> 00:11:59,343
我们该行动了

232
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:03,973
救命 我朋友气喘发作了

233
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:07,560
还没 巴特 我真的气喘了

234
00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:09,103
那更好

235
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,108
拜托 我们得送他去医院

236
00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:16,861
我要认识护士小姐啦

237
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:29,373
现在让我们狂欢吧

238
00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:30,958
先等等…

239
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:33,502
大家离开前 我有话要说

240
00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:37,965
我要说一个很长的笑话

241
00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:39,425
请起立

242
00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:46,182
有个老拉比在阁楼碰到松鼠

243
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:48,976
说重点 不然
你儿子几何学就会不及格

244
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:50,478
他帮松鼠办了成年礼

245
00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:51,479
松鼠再也没去过会堂了

246
00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:52,563
阿门

247
00:12:57,359 --> 00:12:59,111
我不是开面包车

248
00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:02,281
我看起来像凤凰城来的
郊区足球妈妈吗

249
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:04,784
你偶尔累的时候很像

250
00:13:05,075 --> 00:13:06,702
-闭嘴
-应该让我先

251
00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:07,745
我开特斯拉汽车

252
00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:11,457
那是我的钥匙 准备好讨打吧

253
00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:20,049
再说一次 我开特斯拉
我要用“召唤”功能了

254
00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:21,050
<i>前进 倒车 关闭 召唤</i>

255
00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:28,599
谁该为这些蠢行为负责

256
00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:30,017
是他干的

257
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:34,188
<i>赞拉德力 布拉德力</i>

258
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:54,875
你好 康宁汉先生 我在跟你打招呼

259
00:13:55,417 --> 00:13:58,003
不是我做的 没人看到是我做的
他们知道是我做的 保护我 老爸

260
00:13:58,462 --> 00:13:59,588
你不记得我了吗 康宁汉先生

261
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:00,965
<i>《圣经》</i>

262
00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:03,551
我是露易丝·芬奇

263
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:12,393
你儿子呢

264
00:14:12,768 --> 00:14:14,228
急什么 朋友

265
00:14:14,645 --> 00:14:17,648
霍默 休想用昔日的温文尔雅举止

266
00:14:17,898 --> 00:14:21,694
来让我们放下武器

267
00:14:22,069 --> 00:14:27,074
我完全听不懂你在
胡搅蛮缠什么 先生

268
00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:37,751
<i>除草剂</i>

269
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:44,258
不好意思 苏兹拉克先生
我们认识你

270
00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:49,305
我父亲喜欢去你的酒吧喝一杯
你连招呼都不跟我打吗

271
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:55,519
还有你呢 维古姆警官
我跟你儿子拉尔夫是同学

272
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:58,647
麻烦代我问候拉尔夫 好吗

273
00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:01,233
各位走吧 他们让我们气消了

274
00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:03,903
大家最后抱怨一声吧

275
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,826
莉萨 宝贝 你救了我

276
00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:15,289
不 老爸 是你处变不惊
与勇敢的态度救了我们

277
00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:17,917
-谢谢 还有一件事
-什么 爸爸

278
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:21,128
别告诉你妈这群暴民差点要你哥的命

279
00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:23,005
她才开始喜欢他

280
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:24,089
什么

281
00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:26,800
你洗澡时又幻听了 玛琦

282
00:15:27,509 --> 00:15:28,427
好吧

283
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:31,639
抱歉

284
00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:40,731
好了 玛吉 给我你的奶嘴

285
00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:45,110
我就给你熊熊玩偶当替代品

286
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:50,699
瘾头很难根除 玛琦

287
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:53,202
我也曾
看阿嘉莎·克里丝蒂的小说上瘾

288
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:56,914
我一直以为凶手是万事通比利时人

289
00:15:57,206 --> 00:16:02,586
结果他居然是侦探
看了41本小说 我都没想到是他

290
00:16:05,422 --> 00:16:07,299
-怎么了
-打了一架

291
00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:11,929
-为什么 其他孩子做了什么
-他们说爸爸又懒又没用

292
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:14,306
-那个小鬼在哪里
-这里

293
00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:18,602
-你跟哥哥打架
-我打赢了我哥哥

294
00:16:18,727 --> 00:16:20,187
-撒谎精
-再打一次啊

295
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:21,313
妈 阻止她

296
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,235
要治疗尿床 医生建议

297
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:27,987
改变喝水时间 安排上厕所时间

298
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:29,780
还要给予鼓励
我否认说过以下这些话

299
00:16:29,905 --> 00:16:31,907
但下次再尿床就打你屁股 下一位

300
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,787
等等 你不是小孩 不要紧
你有45秒 开始

301
00:16:37,079 --> 00:16:39,707
我担心我女儿过度崇拜父亲

302
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:41,333
可能毁掉家庭和谐

303
00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:42,501
我明白了

304
00:16:42,584 --> 00:16:45,546
玛琦 小女孩迷恋父亲是很正常的事

305
00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:46,922
这种心态很安全 出发点是好的

306
00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:48,841
她结束这个阶段后
会把所有事怪在你头上

307
00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:53,220
但我老公恐怕未必一直是好榜样

308
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:56,098
玛琦 我碰到法律问题

309
00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:57,307
<i>保安</i>

310
00:16:57,558 --> 00:16:58,600
我去外面等你

311
00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:03,647
而且我也担心儿子觉得受到冷落

312
00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:06,275
你丈夫得跟女儿长篇大论一番
既让她失望

313
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:07,401
又不能让她崩溃

314
00:17:07,568 --> 00:17:09,111
千万别再生孩子了

315
00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:10,487
听起来会是大灾难

316
00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:14,033
很高兴见到你 我们三年后见

317
00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:15,617
再见吧

318
00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:21,373
-霍默
-怎么了

319
00:17:21,623 --> 00:17:26,295
霍默 莉萨崇拜你很贴心
但我觉得有点过火了

320
00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:27,546
你说得对

321
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,256
说她是对的

322
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:30,257
我刚刚说了

323
00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:32,134
我有五秒延迟

324
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:34,470
两个孩子势如水火

325
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:37,306
你不能同时当我和她的狗 选一个

326
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:41,393
你不能永远逃避

327
00:17:44,104 --> 00:17:46,815
好了 我去跟巴特谈 你跟莉萨谈

328
00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:49,151
我们得让家庭恢复和谐

329
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:52,905
好吧 你怎么老在我快睡着时

330
00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:54,698
跟我谈重要的事

331
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:58,660
因为我认为夫妻之间的枕边细语

332
00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:00,162
是最重要的…

333
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:03,707
搞啥 我怎么会在教堂

334
00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:08,212
怎么了 亲爱的

335
00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:12,299
我有种很糟的感觉
一本好书快看到结局时

336
00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:15,344
一旦我真的看完 就永远结束了

337
00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:18,097
我正想跟你谈谈这件事

338
00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:21,475
过去几星期我们父女相处得很开心

339
00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:25,020
但你对爸爸的景仰
不可能一直像现在这么深

340
00:18:25,979 --> 00:18:28,065
我的伟人 无论你做什么

341
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,984
都不会让我减少对你的半分尊重

342
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:40,619
我小时候想当那个男人
但现在我都不能躲在门后了

343
00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:43,705
你会发现我不是你想象的那么完美

344
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,707
好吧 我要把书看完

345
00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:51,421
但记住 你是我爸
我永远不会忘记你和我…

346
00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:54,716
可恶

347
00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:58,178
我回来了

348
00:19:02,015 --> 00:19:03,142
她释怀了

349
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:05,644
面对现实吧 本来就该这样

350
00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:08,647
孩子长大 父亲消逝
微风呢喃着“所为何来 ”

351
00:19:08,772 --> 00:19:09,690
<i>小小埃德·贝格利</i>

352
00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:14,319
不知道 我受过伤害

353
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,947
我不想太接近你而害了你

354
00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:19,283
<i>我知道我们都有成功与悲剧</i>

355
00:19:19,449 --> 00:19:20,909
<i>痛苦与欢乐</i>

356
00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:22,828
<i>但无论这条路带我们通往何方</i>

357
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,621
<i>你永远都是我爸爸</i>

358
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,250
<i>而且我便便了</i>

359
00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:29,626
没问题

360
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,795
玛琦 快进来

361
00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:36,800
好了 巴特 因为我们也很重视你

362
00:19:37,050 --> 00:19:39,970
我要让你做一件自己想做的事

363
00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:43,348
-踢霍默的屁股
-你再考虑一下吧

364
00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:46,101
踹莉萨的屁股

365
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,603
每天办生日派对

366
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:49,271
以后都不用刷牙

367
00:19:49,646 --> 00:19:51,064
在家让狗狗教我读书

368
00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:52,733
开坦克车辗过斯金纳的房子

369
00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:54,610
在地下室开赌场

370
00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:56,069
搞外遇

371
00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:59,031
-你还没决定啊
-别催我

372
00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:00,073
<i>小丑库斯提 工作日下午六点</i>

373
00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:01,491
把个人退休账户转换成
401退休金计划

374
00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:02,659
搞外遇

375
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:03,785
重打一球

376
00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:05,370
好吧 我决定了

377
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:06,914
我要踹霍默的屁股

378
00:20:06,997 --> 00:20:08,373
<i>病患须知</i>
<i>如何区分人类和机器人</i>

379
00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:11,293
如果找得到就让你踢

380
00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:13,253
噢

381
00:20:13,795 --> 00:20:14,963
俗话说

382
00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:18,050
光阴偏爱英雄

383
00:20:19,092 --> 00:20:21,220
但只有光阴能证明

384
00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:22,763
他是否真实存在

385
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:25,140
他是来自天堂的传奇

386
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:27,976
若非如此 那他就是地狱使者

387
00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:29,228
听我娓娓道来

388
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:32,439
眼见不一定为实

389
00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:35,984
弄清眼前所见是否是真相

390
00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:40,322
眼睛有时会撒谎…

391
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:43,158
让你无法认清真相

392
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:06,932
字幕翻译：侯敏生