1
00:00:04,045 --> 00:00:05,922
Ho, ho, ho!
2
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:06,923
♪ ♪
3
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:09,009
(school bell rings)
4
00:00:10,927 --> 00:00:12,929
Happy birthday.
5
00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:16,558
(whistle blows)
6
00:00:16,641 --> 00:00:17,934
Aah!
7
00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:31,573
(playing "Deck the Halls")
8
00:00:38,955 --> 00:00:40,373
D'oh!
9
00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:43,835
(grunts)
10
00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:47,630
(growling)
11
00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:57,223
(growls)
12
00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:59,142
(shrieking)
13
00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:04,189
ALL:
Merry Christmas!
14
00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:21,748
-(snoring, mumbling)
-(Homer humming)
15
00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:27,253
(sighs) Another Thanksgiving
is in the books.
16
00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:29,672
Which means Christmas
is starting.
17
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:31,382
Say, Lis, I couldn't help
but notice
18
00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:33,093
you're holding a piece of paper.
19
00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:34,677
Oh, this piece of paper?
20
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:37,097
Why, it's just my
Christmas list, is all.
21
00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:38,389
What a coincidence.
22
00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:40,934
I also have my Christmas list
right here in my hand.
23
00:01:41,017 --> 00:01:43,019
Oh, you selfish
little gangsters.
24
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,938
There's always another
shakedown, isn't there?
25
00:01:45,021 --> 00:01:48,316
What do you know, Bart? There's
only one present on my list.
26
00:01:48,399 --> 00:01:50,193
My word, that's reasonable.
27
00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:53,029
I, too, only found one present
to be list-worthy.
28
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,365
Oh, give me the lists.
29
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:57,242
(Marge groans)
30
00:01:57,325 --> 00:01:58,910
We already have a TV.
31
00:01:58,993 --> 00:02:00,578
We've been through
ten Super Bowls,
32
00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:02,831
XLIV through LIII.
33
00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:05,667
But our dumb TV
is not a smart TV.
34
00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:09,087
And I just want one other
smart thing in this house.
35
00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:10,880
Yeah, well,
we'll think about it.
36
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:15,343
(Bart and Lisa humming happily)
37
00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:17,971
I want everything about
Christmas to be perfect,
38
00:02:18,054 --> 00:02:19,889
but that smart TV the kids want
39
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:23,101
is $2,400.
40
00:02:23,184 --> 00:02:24,686
(scoffs) That's ridiculous.
41
00:02:24,769 --> 00:02:27,897
Our TV may not be smart,
but it's street smart.
42
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:30,567
ANNOUNCER: It's Sprawl-Mart's
huge Black Friday sale.
43
00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,443
Jay-G headphones only $49.99.
44
00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:34,946
Two-piece sofa set
only $249.99.
45
00:02:35,029 --> 00:02:38,199
And this GL50 9K Smart TV
only $499.99.
46
00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:39,909
(grunts)
47
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:43,663
GL50 9K Smart TV.
Where have I heard that before?
48
00:02:43,746 --> 00:02:45,915
The kids are chanting it
nonstop.
49
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,877
BART and LISA:
GL50 9K Smart TV.
50
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:53,173
-GL50 9K Smart TV.
-Knock it off!
51
00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:54,841
ANNOUNCER: Supplies are limited,
so be here when the doors open
52
00:02:54,924 --> 00:02:58,845
6:00 a.m.! Black Friday: like
The Purge, but for bargains.
53
00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:01,222
That's how we get it.
We have to go.
54
00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:04,225
Oh, old TV, you really are dumb.
55
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:07,395
You just told us how
to replace you. (laughs)
56
00:03:07,478 --> 00:03:10,899
Why do we have an antenna
on an HDTV?
57
00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:12,525
I thought it looked cool.
58
00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:17,030
So the customers
will be entering from here,
59
00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:18,323
here and here.
60
00:03:18,406 --> 00:03:20,742
Our biggest concern
are the cutsies.
61
00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:23,620
-I hate those Nazis.
-I said "cutsies."
62
00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:26,581
-You think the Nazis
didn't take cuts?
-Oh.
63
00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:30,043
I leave for Sprawl-Mart now,
getting us a good place in line.
64
00:03:30,126 --> 00:03:33,546
And I go to sleep now, waking up
in the middle of the night,
65
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,423
rested and ready to relieve you
66
00:03:35,506 --> 00:03:37,133
-at 3:00 a.m.
-That's right.
67
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:40,094
Godspeed, hot woman.
68
00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:42,180
(both moaning)
69
00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:48,019
I love you, too, Homie,
but I have to go.
70
00:03:48,102 --> 00:03:51,773
My tongue is frozen
to your zipper.
71
00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:03,117
Aw, Marge,
great to see you out here.
72
00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:05,745
You want a Cup O' Noodles
to chase away the chill?
73
00:04:05,828 --> 00:04:08,206
-How sweet.
-It's just water.
74
00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:09,832
I can't afford the real thing,
75
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:12,126
but if you stare at the label
while you drink it,
76
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:15,004
you'd swear there was real
chicken powder in there.
77
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:18,591
-(shudders)
-Oh.
78
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:21,302
What bargain are you busting
down the door for?
79
00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:24,889
I'm getting a Futon Friend
for my granddaughter.
80
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:27,350
I want her to remember me
as more than just a grandpa
81
00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:28,851
who lives at the airport.
82
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:31,187
The trick is to carry
a piece of empty luggage
83
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,106
because then they... they...
84
00:04:33,189 --> 00:04:35,275
(sobs)
85
00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:38,194
(sniffs)
86
00:04:45,743 --> 00:04:47,954
Sorry, Ralphie,
it's just too cold.
87
00:04:48,037 --> 00:04:49,831
Even my blubber isn't helping.
88
00:04:49,914 --> 00:04:52,583
(sighs) Cold in the winter,
hot in the summer.
89
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:55,461
Why did I grow you?
90
00:04:57,130 --> 00:05:00,008
Oh, your hands feel cold.
Let me look at them.
91
00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:03,845
Whoa, that's toasty!
Am I in Ipanema?
92
00:05:03,928 --> 00:05:06,514
(vocalizing "Girl From Ipanema")
93
00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:08,433
Hmm? Hmm?
94
00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:09,976
(laughs)
95
00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:12,020
I can do this. It's 2:30.
96
00:05:12,103 --> 00:05:13,938
Homer's gonna be here
any minute.
97
00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:18,192
(snoring)
98
00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:20,486
(alarm beeping)
99
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:22,405
(mumbles) What?
100
00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:27,952
-(meows)
-What the...?
101
00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:28,953
(meows)
102
00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:31,331
Ooh, got to relieve Marge!
103
00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:35,960
(shudders)
104
00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:38,087
(groans)
105
00:05:41,632 --> 00:05:44,510
My hands are starting to freeze.
106
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:46,554
I hope Homer gets here soon.
107
00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:48,765
Why are we standing?
108
00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:51,309
We still have hours
before the store opens.
109
00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:52,685
To keep out the cutters.
110
00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:54,645
Ow! You're punching me
in the back.
111
00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:55,855
I ain't doin' it.
112
00:05:55,938 --> 00:05:58,107
It's the baby what's in my belly
thrashing about.
113
00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,984
If you go into labor,
I'll help you deliver,
114
00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:02,653
but then that baby has to go
to the back of the line.
115
00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:04,697
-Yeah!
-(angry chatter)
116
00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:08,201
I know how to hold a baby in.
(inhales)
117
00:06:13,831 --> 00:06:16,000
Have a safe Black Friday,
118
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:19,003
and welcome to Thunderdome!
119
00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:22,090
-(grunts)
-(excited chatter)
120
00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:25,927
(dove cooing)
121
00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:29,597
(shouting)
122
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:32,141
(whimpers) My hands are frozen,
123
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:36,187
which makes it easier
to do this. (grunting)
124
00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:38,272
♪ ♪
125
00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:43,319
(gasps)
The electronics department.
126
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,821
I'm going to make it.
127
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:46,489
GIL:
I'm not gonna make it!
128
00:06:48,866 --> 00:06:52,787
Is there one drop of humanity
in this big-box store?
129
00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:54,455
(shouting, groaning)
130
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,624
MARGE: Don't look, Marge.
At any other time of year,
131
00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:59,293
that man's life would be worth
more than a TV,
132
00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:00,920
but not at Christmas.
133
00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:04,549
(groans) Tell my granddaughter
I existed.
134
00:07:04,632 --> 00:07:06,843
♪ ♪
135
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:35,288
This will help raise
the little one.
136
00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:37,665
♪ Jangle bells, jangle bells ♪
137
00:07:37,748 --> 00:07:40,084
♪ We gots a TV ♪
138
00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:42,253
♪ Now the only thing we lack ♪
139
00:07:42,336 --> 00:07:45,089
♪ Is e-lectricity, hey! ♪
140
00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:46,674
You did it, Marge.
141
00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:50,178
You've given a poor old man
the greatest gift of all,
142
00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:53,139
-a grandchild's love.
-Well, that makes it all...
143
00:07:53,222 --> 00:07:54,599
I can't leave
without one of those.
144
00:07:54,682 --> 00:07:56,267
I'll give you
a hundred bucks for it.
145
00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:58,603
-Can't say no to that.
-Oh...
146
00:07:58,686 --> 00:08:01,314
(Marge groans)
147
00:08:01,397 --> 00:08:03,149
(tires screech)
148
00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:07,862
Oh! Marge, I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to let you down.
149
00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:11,032
I'm not mad at you. I won't
let myself be mad at you.
150
00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:14,285
This is Christmas, and Christmas
is great for our kids,
151
00:08:14,368 --> 00:08:16,454
and I vow on my life
152
00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:18,706
to make it a great Christmas.
153
00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:20,124
I totally agree.
154
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:23,503
Now because you've been
through so much, let me drive.
155
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:30,885
-Let me call you an Uber.
-(groans)
156
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:40,144
So I'm afraid
you won't be getting
157
00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:42,146
the smart TV for Christmas.
158
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:43,648
We figured.
159
00:08:43,731 --> 00:08:45,816
Never get your hopes up
around here.
160
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:49,779
But I promise you, Christmas
will be better than ever.
161
00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:51,697
I'll sweep that up, sweetie.
162
00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:54,575
(Marge groans)
163
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:57,203
Your mother froze her fingers
164
00:08:57,286 --> 00:08:58,996
trying to get
a Christmas gift for you,
165
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,748
and what were you
going to give her?
166
00:09:00,831 --> 00:09:02,917
-Lanyard.
-Poem.
167
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,377
I thought as much.
168
00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:07,296
Well, we're gonna make this
Christmas about your mother.
169
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,757
-But Christmas is for kids.
-Her.
170
00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,968
MONICA (on video):
Hi, guys, it's Monica here
171
00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:13,928
with five easy hacks
for resetting
172
00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:15,596
your threshold
Christmas caroler.
173
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:19,016
Number one, locate the P.I.X.
input on the pressure strip.
174
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:21,727
I already did that, Monica.
175
00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:25,398
I think I've got it.
176
00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:28,609
What if we take Mom on a Florida
vacation for Christmas?
177
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:30,570
(Norwegian accent):
Hoy, hoy, hoy.
178
00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:32,446
I ride on a pig.
179
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:35,741
Don't forget to leave me
porridge!
180
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:38,327
Ugh, I've got it set
on Norwegian.
181
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,079
Well, at least we're
not planning a vacation
182
00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:43,249
at the last second, we're
planning at the last minute.
183
00:09:43,332 --> 00:09:45,585
Can't afford
Nine Flags Underwater,
184
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,545
Yankees Fantasy Camp,
185
00:09:47,628 --> 00:09:49,505
Yankees Suck Fantasy Camp...
186
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,216
Oh, my God, there's a place
we can afford.
187
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:54,594
I've never heard of it.
188
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:57,346
How can we be sure
it's what it seems in the ad?
189
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,390
That's a good point.
On the other hand...
190
00:09:59,473 --> 00:10:01,100
only three rooms left!
191
00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:03,519
And 58 people
are looking at them.
192
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,646
All right, kids,
let this be a lesson.
193
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:08,149
You should never
succumb to something
194
00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:09,817
just because
you are pressured to...
195
00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:11,485
One room left!
196
00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:14,780
I got it! Full price,
nonrefundable! Boom!
197
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:20,244
Christmas is on me.
Christmas is on me.
198
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:22,913
Marge, darling,
remember when we agreed
199
00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:24,957
you should take it down
a few notches?
200
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:27,418
Yeah, the notches.
Always with the notches.
201
00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:29,045
Marge, have you considered
202
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:31,005
that we could spend Christmas
somewhere else?
203
00:10:31,088 --> 00:10:32,465
Home.
204
00:10:32,548 --> 00:10:34,508
If it's not home,
it's not Christmas.
205
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:36,469
Home, home, home!
206
00:10:36,552 --> 00:10:38,471
We're gonna have to
take her out cold.
207
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:40,431
♪ ♪
208
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:54,737
(mutters):
You're getting one little...
209
00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:56,364
sleeve and there you go.
210
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:58,199
-Mom?
-Yes, Lisa? Yes?
211
00:10:58,282 --> 00:11:00,368
-That's not our cat.
-Damn it!
212
00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:01,535
(yowls)
213
00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:04,538
Mom, we came
to sing some carols.
214
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:07,625
And I'll pour the tea.
215
00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:10,878
♪ Silent night ♪
216
00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:14,423
♪ Holy night ♪
217
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:17,593
(echoing):
♪ All is calm ♪
218
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:20,888
♪ All is bright ♪
219
00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:23,391
♪ Start counting backwards ♪
220
00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:26,435
♪ From ten to one ♪
221
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,854
♪ When you wake up ♪
222
00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:33,609
♪ We'll have Christmas fun... ♪
223
00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:33,609
♪ We'll have Christmas fun... ♪
224
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,153
Wake up, sleepyhead.
(chuckles)
225
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:38,614
-We're in Tennessee.
-Tennessee?
226
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,449
We packed all
the luggage ourselves.
227
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,284
After all
that you've been through,
228
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:45,287
this Christmas is about you.
229
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,289
The warm air helped my hands.
230
00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:49,500
I like Tennessee.
231
00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:51,168
(laughs):
That's fantastic.
232
00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:52,795
However, we just
entered Georgia.
233
00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:54,880
Change the bumper sticker, boy.
234
00:11:57,007 --> 00:11:59,635
Dirty Birds! You got that right!
235
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,012
Yeah! Go, area team!
236
00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:04,098
♪ ♪
237
00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:12,356
(thunder crashes)
238
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,775
Enjoying the sunshine?
239
00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:17,403
That's the Christmas gift
we get all year long.
240
00:12:17,486 --> 00:12:19,405
Can we please get to our room?
241
00:12:19,488 --> 00:12:22,491
We just drove 2,000 miles
in four hours.
242
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,160
Of course.
243
00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:27,580
And thank you for reminding me
why I never had kids.
244
00:12:27,663 --> 00:12:30,332
Let's go, shall we?
245
00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:37,089
All of us
in this one little room?
246
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:38,507
I call sleeping in the bathtub!
247
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,176
I want to sleep in the bathtub.
248
00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:42,887
There's no bathtub.
Just a combo shower and toilet.
249
00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:44,346
We call it a shoilet.
250
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:46,766
Well, the fun is outside.
251
00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:48,017
(thunder crashes)
252
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:51,353
Ooh, that's gonna be a big one.
253
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:55,399
Oh, I don't know how we're gonna
give you kids a Christmas.
254
00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:58,778
Dad, Bart,
meet me in the shoilet.
255
00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:01,197
-(toilet flushes)
-D'oh!
256
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,365
Let me tell you something
about your mother.
257
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:07,453
She is always as happy
as the saddest one of us.
258
00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:09,705
I'm not always the saddest one.
259
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,583
Polar bears are dying.
260
00:13:12,666 --> 00:13:15,211
(cries):
Oh, that's so sad.
261
00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:18,631
So, rain or shine, we will
all have smiles on our faces.
262
00:13:18,714 --> 00:13:21,926
Her mood will be based
on the signals we are giving.
263
00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:23,135
All hands in.
264
00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:25,471
Okay, three, two, one...
265
00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:27,348
ALL:
Fake enthusiasm.
266
00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:29,099
What are you guys doing in here?
267
00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:30,726
Uh, having a great time.
268
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,520
That's about to get better.
269
00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:35,231
-Really?
-(toilet flushes)
270
00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:37,650
Who wants room service?
271
00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:39,652
(toilet flushes)
272
00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:42,738
(theme park music playing)
273
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:46,033
This is cool. Cartoon characters
no one's ever heard of.
274
00:13:46,116 --> 00:13:49,745
That's Mulberry Mutt, Tremendous
Boar and Thelonious Skunk.
275
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:52,456
-Does somebody want a hug?
-No.
276
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:55,251
-Oh, I think you do.
-Really, I don't.
277
00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:57,002
Hug the bull, boy.
278
00:13:57,086 --> 00:14:01,090
That's right, kid. Legally,
you have to initiate it.
279
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:06,846
That's so sweet.
280
00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:09,223
(dog howls)
281
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:19,024
You know, they say whenever
you travel, it grows your brain.
282
00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:21,151
This place is fantastic.
283
00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:22,778
WOMAN:
This place is a dump.
284
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:25,072
MAN: I picked it!
If you criticize this place,
285
00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:26,657
you're criticizing me!
286
00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:28,742
WOMAN: Well, in that case,
this place is a loser
287
00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:30,536
with a gambling problem.
288
00:14:30,619 --> 00:14:33,247
That's the worst thing
the kids could possibly hear.
289
00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:36,125
MAN:
I won once, when I met you.
290
00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:37,626
-WOMAN: Aw...
-(moaning)
291
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,962
WOMAN (giggles):
Come here.
292
00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:41,922
(laughter)
293
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:44,300
Oh, for God's sake.
I'll stop this.
294
00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:47,094
(laughter continues)
295
00:14:48,345 --> 00:14:49,805
(grunting)
296
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:53,309
Get this over with quick!
There's kids next door!
297
00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:54,977
MAN:
There's kids in here, too!
298
00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:58,105
(laughter, moaning continues)
299
00:14:58,188 --> 00:14:59,732
(sighs)
300
00:14:59,815 --> 00:15:02,568
Makes you feel kind of
lonely, doesn't it?
301
00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:05,571
-Yeah.
-Well, it all starts with a hug.
302
00:15:05,654 --> 00:15:08,073
(chuckles)
You want a hug?
303
00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:11,577
Aw...
304
00:15:16,790 --> 00:15:18,792
(squawking)
305
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:27,676
Oh, boy. You kids are up early.
306
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,803
Bart and I are going
to engage in perhaps
307
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:33,432
the most popular
Florida tradition...
308
00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:36,185
complaining to the manager.
309
00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:39,647
JEANIE:
Hey, come on in.
310
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:42,858
This place is nothing
like it looked on the Internet.
311
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,902
We can't compete
with the big boys.
312
00:15:44,985 --> 00:15:48,530
Disney's already laying ground
for a new Family Guy World.
313
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,950
♪ Lucky there's
a family guy... ♪
314
00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:54,870
I was the "it" boy in 2006.
315
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,081
I don't know when
and I don't know how,
316
00:15:57,164 --> 00:16:00,668
but I am gonna get you.
317
00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:05,089
Well, at least something
in this place is clean now.
318
00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:08,092
Aah! That was
the most horrifying ride
319
00:16:08,175 --> 00:16:09,802
I've ever been on.
320
00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:14,098
Where's Maggie?
321
00:16:17,601 --> 00:16:19,603
♪ ♪
322
00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:27,778
Oh, this is so much fun.
You know how I love history.
323
00:16:27,861 --> 00:16:31,949
It's like looking at a rogues'
gallery of America's villains.
324
00:16:32,032 --> 00:16:35,494
According to the soundtrack to
Hamilton, you were a real jerk.
325
00:16:35,577 --> 00:16:37,121
-(gun clicks)
-(shrieks)
326
00:16:37,204 --> 00:16:39,248
Vice presidents rule!
327
00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:42,376
Aw. Are you really having
a great time?
328
00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:46,922
Really? Because I sure
as heck am not.
329
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:51,301
No, I'm FaceTiming Milhouse
'cause it's more fun.
330
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:52,928
Whassup?
331
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,430
Milhouse, give me something.
332
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:56,640
I'm trapped
in The Hall of Vice Presidents.
333
00:16:56,724 --> 00:17:00,185
Well, I'm kind of
the vice president of us.
334
00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:01,729
(groans)
Got to go.
335
00:17:01,812 --> 00:17:04,231
And we've got to go.
Back home.
336
00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:06,233
We can be in Springfield
by Christmas
337
00:17:06,316 --> 00:17:08,861
if we can just
get our money back.
338
00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:11,405
Leave that to me.
339
00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:23,125
(moans)
340
00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:28,464
(screams)
341
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:30,841
I shot my best friend
in the face.
342
00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:32,843
(laughs)
343
00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:33,844
(screaming)
344
00:17:33,927 --> 00:17:35,929
(screaming echoes)
345
00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:38,015
("Carol of the Bells" playing)
346
00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:48,859
(excited chatter)
347
00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:51,487
(people groaning)
348
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:54,990
There it is, the first snow.
349
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,367
It smells so clean.
350
00:17:57,451 --> 00:17:59,453
(all inhaling deeply)
351
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,959
(engine sputtering)
352
00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:08,962
-(engine stops)
-(Marge groans)
353
00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:11,548
(wind gusting)
354
00:18:15,719 --> 00:18:17,721
♪ ♪
355
00:18:20,808 --> 00:18:23,018
Oh, my God.
356
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:26,438
Moe serves Christmas dinner
to the old and needy.
357
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:31,443
Yeah, look, it's the one
nice thing I do. Ha.
358
00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:33,278
Guess old Moe's got a heart.
359
00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:36,532
Also, if I turn the rummy away,
they might wind up in church.
360
00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:37,950
That could turn
their life around.
361
00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:39,785
That's bad for business.
362
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:43,831
Moe, I never dreamed you were
capable of such a sweet thing.
363
00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:46,250
Oh, no, I beg you,
don't make a moment out of this.
364
00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:48,043
Oh.
365
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:51,421
Ha. You missed my tongue there,
but, eh, that's all right.
366
00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:54,174
("Silent Night" playing)
367
00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:57,094
Everyone,
please close your eyes.
368
00:18:57,177 --> 00:18:59,346
Boy, you do the honors.
369
00:18:59,429 --> 00:19:02,182
Dear Lord, we didn't get
the gift we wanted,
370
00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:03,976
a GL50 9K Smart TV.
371
00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:05,727
The place we went was a dump.
372
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:07,771
But isn't Christmas really about
373
00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:10,274
being with your family
and your bartender?
374
00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:12,192
We have traveled
many miles to learn
375
00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:15,028
there's no place like Moe's.
376
00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:17,614
Amen.
377
00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:23,370
If you're not going
to buy something, leave.
378
00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:29,793
Bart, I disrespected you
and I'm sorry.
379
00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:32,462
I've refunded your money
plus $2,400
380
00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:36,008
if you pledge
to never come here again.
381
00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:38,760
And please tell
your sister she's pretty.
382
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:41,388
Not Lisa, the baby.
383
00:19:41,471 --> 00:19:43,307
You can't win in Florida.
384
00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:45,309
Oh, my God,
why don't your batteries die?
385
00:19:45,392 --> 00:19:48,103
-I have a solar head.
-(groans)
386
00:19:49,646 --> 00:19:50,731
Well, you'll be happy to know
387
00:19:50,814 --> 00:19:52,441
we've put the money to good use.
388
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:57,321
Now, to celebrate Christmas
the way our ancestors did.
389
00:19:57,404 --> 00:19:59,406
(gasping)
390
00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:02,701
You know, there's a real log
burning below it, right?
391
00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:05,370
Yeah, but is it HD?
392
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:55,462
Shh!
393
00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:00,968
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH