1 00:00:02,627 --> 00:00:04,629 (laughs) 2 00:00:06,131 --> 00:00:08,133 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:10,218 --> 00:00:11,761 (exclaims) 4 00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:18,893 (school bell rings) 5 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,022 (burps) 6 00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:24,941 (tires screech) 7 00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:27,235 D'oh! 8 00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:28,862 (grunts) 9 00:00:28,945 --> 00:00:30,947 (1960s-style sitcom theme playing) 10 00:00:36,244 --> 00:00:38,955 HOMER: My Three Kids. 11 00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:50,550 WILLIE: Everyone, out of my kitchen! 12 00:00:52,802 --> 00:00:56,222 Brandine, do I come off as a yokel or a hayseed? 13 00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:57,932 Well, you are versatile, darlin'. 14 00:00:58,016 --> 00:01:00,810 You can play anyone in the trailer trash spectrum. 15 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,980 A-yeah, I'm a regular Benedict Cabbage-Patch. 16 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:05,398 (chuckles) 17 00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:07,650 RALPH: Meow! 18 00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,694 Community thespians, 19 00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:13,281 today we return to turn-of-the-century Oklahoma. 20 00:01:13,364 --> 00:01:15,784 Farm boys are farming. Cowboys are cowing. 21 00:01:15,867 --> 00:01:18,495 And, Carl, do you think your character, Ike Skidmore, 22 00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:21,915 is bringing his cell phone to the box social in 1906? 23 00:01:21,998 --> 00:01:23,917 I see him as a forward-thinking guy, 24 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,752 a tech first adopter. 25 00:01:25,835 --> 00:01:28,880 You know how I see him? Not played by you! 26 00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:31,341 Lenny, get yourself out of that horse's patoot. 27 00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:32,759 You're Ike Skidmore. 28 00:01:32,842 --> 00:01:35,136 Yee-haw! A speaking part! 29 00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:37,138 This is gonna be tan-fastic. 30 00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:40,517 Geez, don't make it into a song and dance. 31 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,561 ♪ I've got spurs that jingle, jangle, jing... ♪ 32 00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:44,854 (exclaims) 33 00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:47,107 My spur's stuck in my eye! 34 00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:48,858 Carl, you're back in. 35 00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:50,401 Well, only with Lenny's blessing. 36 00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:52,987 -You don't have it. -I'm doing it anyway. 37 00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:56,449 Okay, Marge, this is your big song number. 38 00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:59,702 You're Ado Annie, the girl who cain't say no. 39 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:02,622 Now, do you have any qualms about playing this part? 40 00:02:02,705 --> 00:02:06,042 -No. -Wrong, wrong! You cain't say no. 41 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,752 Now, where's my handsome Curly? 42 00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:09,170 Right here. 43 00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:12,090 Now, this I can work with. 44 00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:13,299 HOMER: Okay, Maggie, 45 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:15,135 what shall we do while Mommy rehearses? 46 00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:16,761 The dog track is closed. 47 00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:18,304 You can come visit me! 48 00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:19,764 I didn't hear that. 49 00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:22,225 Hmm, what shall we do? 50 00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:25,228 Why is this place so popular? 51 00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:27,856 Do they serve booze? Is it a baby fight club? 52 00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:29,774 Is there a big-screen TV? 53 00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:31,943 Do they serve booze? Are there free doughnuts? 54 00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:33,153 Meet Batman? 55 00:02:33,236 --> 00:02:34,779 (gasps) Do they serve booze? 56 00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:36,823 (baby talk): We're going to find out. 57 00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:39,868 Why in the hell is Daddy and Me class packed? 58 00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:43,788 You'll understand everything when Chloe comes out. 59 00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:45,623 Quiet, quiet, she's coming. 60 00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:47,542 I borrowed my granddaughter just for this. 61 00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:49,627 I said I was taking her to feed the ducks. 62 00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:51,629 (scoffs) Like I have bread money. 63 00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:52,755 -Hi, dads. -(dads greet) 64 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,508 Who's ready to do the wiggle worm dance? 65 00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:57,886 I vant to viggle like the vorm, ja. 66 00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,929 ♪ A wiggle worm giggles ♪ 67 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:01,723 ♪ And a wiggle worm waggles ♪ 68 00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:05,435 ♪ Let's all wiggle like the wiggle worm does. ♪ 69 00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:09,105 Oh, I get it, she's sexy. 70 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,815 (growls) 71 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,567 Maggie! How long have you been here? 72 00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:15,320 ♪ ♪ 73 00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:18,198 Why does this line say "Curt" when I'm talking to Curly? 74 00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:21,159 No, you see, "curt" is in parentheses. 75 00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:23,620 It tells you how to say the line. 76 00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:25,955 Obviously lying, yeah, no, I knew that. 77 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:29,167 Impressed noise, you really know your stuff. 78 00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:30,543 Okay, actors, 79 00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:32,462 in the words of William Shakespeare, 80 00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:34,464 find your "X" and shut up. 81 00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:36,216 Geez, all right, easy. 82 00:03:37,258 --> 00:03:39,844 All I ask is that you give me the performance 83 00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:43,723 I have pictured in my head but have not communicated to you. 84 00:03:43,806 --> 00:03:46,976 Our curtain opens on sun-drenched fields 85 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:50,021 of undulating golden corn. 86 00:03:50,104 --> 00:03:52,523 ♪ O... ♪ 87 00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:55,026 Stop, stop, stop! 88 00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:56,861 This set is terrible. 89 00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:59,989 That corn isn't as high as an elephant's eye. 90 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,659 Oh, you wanted the corn to be high. 91 00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:05,453 I have never seen such incompetence and idiocy 92 00:04:05,536 --> 00:04:06,663 in a theater. 93 00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:09,165 You have made me hate you all. 94 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:12,168 Excuse my salty language in front of Aunt Eller, 95 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,836 but why don't you just take a hike? 96 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,838 (gasps) Oh. 97 00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,548 Get lost. 98 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,303 Losing temper, we don't want you here. 99 00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:25,932 Turns to cast, I saved the play. 100 00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:28,518 Marge, surely you want me to stay. 101 00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:30,144 Actually, no. 102 00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:34,732 For the last time, that's the one word you cain't say. 103 00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:36,943 This is mine. I brought it from home. 104 00:04:37,026 --> 00:04:38,236 Now what do we do? 105 00:04:38,319 --> 00:04:41,114 I learned-a to speak like-a the Oklahoma for this? 106 00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:43,658 Con-a sarn it. 107 00:04:43,741 --> 00:04:46,077 (grunting) 108 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:48,997 Everyone, stop, just stop. 109 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,331 Chief, no more gunplay. 110 00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:52,333 But I wanna. 111 00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:54,627 (indistinct yelling) 112 00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:57,338 Just listen to me! 113 00:04:57,422 --> 00:05:00,049 What if I directed the play? 114 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:03,219 Hey, that's a good idea. I mean, she directs Homer and the kids 115 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,846 out of the house every morning. 116 00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:06,597 And I direct traffic. 117 00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:08,141 That's a stupid analogy. 118 00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:10,935 I think Marge makes us all feel good about ourselves. 119 00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:13,187 (sighs): Mmm. 120 00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:15,106 Yelling in unison. 121 00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:18,651 ALL: Marge! Marge! Marge! Yay! 122 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:21,946 Wait a minute, if this is a real gun, where's the prop? 123 00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:24,157 (gasps) Poor Lou. 124 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:25,992 All right, you asked for it. 125 00:05:26,075 --> 00:05:29,120 Uh, wh-wh-who wants Oklahoma! tickets? Front row. 126 00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:30,621 I can get you three together. 127 00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:40,256 (groans) This is a really complicated show. 128 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,549 So much gingham. 129 00:05:41,632 --> 00:05:44,010 We need a show that we can actually pull off 130 00:05:44,093 --> 00:05:45,219 in Springfield. 131 00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:48,556 Small cast, simple sets, and some hip-hop, 132 00:05:48,639 --> 00:05:50,183 but not real hip-hop. 133 00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:52,268 Great, but I got to be someplace, 134 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,520 so, real quick, the best kind of original show 135 00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:57,065 is one that rips off a big hit. What's the biggest hit? 136 00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:58,274 Hellzapoppin'! 137 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:01,361 No, Hamilton by Lin-Manuel Miranda. 138 00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:02,904 Oh, the guy from In the Heights. 139 00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:05,615 Now, how did I know that? I'm back! 140 00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:08,743 All right, who's our Alexander Hamilton? 141 00:06:08,826 --> 00:06:12,080 That would be me. Thanks to this furnace filter, 142 00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:15,583 you won't be saying "burr" anymore. 143 00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:19,962 No, our most famous historical figure... 144 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,131 (gasps) Jebediah Springfield! 145 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:25,259 I'll write a musical biography, warts and all. 146 00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:27,178 I can't see how that could fail. 147 00:06:27,261 --> 00:06:30,139 Now I'm in a hurry-- Maggie and I have a Daddy and Me class. 148 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:31,849 Aren't you forgetting something? 149 00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:34,227 Keys, wallet, I don't think so. 150 00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:36,813 (chuckling): Oh, sure. I'm happy to take Maggie. 151 00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:38,481 You sure like that class. 152 00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:42,318 Oh, uh, some dads just love to be with their little girls. 153 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,570 -Can I go? -Sorry, no. 154 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:47,073 "Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. 155 00:06:47,156 --> 00:06:48,699 Humpty Dumpty had a great fall." 156 00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:50,076 Oh... 157 00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:53,788 Poor little eggy, leaking your goo. 158 00:06:53,871 --> 00:06:58,084 The Red Queen's not looking, I'll kiss your boo-boo. 159 00:06:58,167 --> 00:07:00,962 Humpty J. Dumpty, are you eating yourself? 160 00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:03,131 Maybe. 161 00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:07,885 (Marge groans) 162 00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:10,721 Excuse me, excuse me, pal. Take care of your kid. 163 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,267 I-I'm so sorry. I was just... 164 00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:16,352 Yeah, I know what you were just. 165 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,728 LISA: Let's see... 166 00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:21,149 killed a bear, founded a town, died of a beaver bite. 167 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:22,358 Lis, you're gonna love it. 168 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,776 I came up with the perfect opening. 169 00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:25,486 Okay... 170 00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:28,573 (clears throat) ♪ Lisa is so stupid, so very, very stupid ♪ 171 00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:32,285 ♪ So dumb and stupid and smelly, too ♪ 172 00:07:32,368 --> 00:07:35,621 ♪ She has a real bad temper, a bad, bad temper ♪ 173 00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:38,499 ♪ And she's smelly, too! ♪ 174 00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:40,501 You're just motivating me. 175 00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:42,211 I need to finish this. 176 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,880 (whimpers) 177 00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:46,299 Ah, my muse. 178 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,509 MARGE: Okay, 179 00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:50,720 my first day as director. (sighs) 180 00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:52,972 So hard to dress for respect. 181 00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:56,934 No. No. 182 00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:58,936 No. 183 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:00,813 Got it. 184 00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:05,693 (gasps) 185 00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:09,447 Hey-a, buddy, what'll it be? 186 00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:10,948 Moe, it's me. 187 00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:13,326 Midge! I thought it was Hillary Clinton. 188 00:08:13,409 --> 00:08:14,994 Give me a vodka, straight up. 189 00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:17,079 Are you sure you're not Hillary? 190 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:21,959 Our new production will be Bloody Bloody Jebediah, 191 00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:24,795 a hip-hop musical about our city's founder. 192 00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:26,589 Is it respectful? 193 00:08:26,672 --> 00:08:27,965 Not entirely. 194 00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:29,258 What?! 195 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,427 Why don't we start by going around the circle 196 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,095 and saying what parts we're playing. 197 00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:34,764 I'm Marge, the director. 198 00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:36,807 Luann, Jebediah's wife. 199 00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:40,978 Carl, Quarrelsome Settler. I got a bone to pick with this part. 200 00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:42,813 Beautiful, use it. Next. 201 00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:45,900 Lenny, Mayor of Shelbyville and an ostrich. 202 00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:52,365 Frink, tech crew. Always crew. 203 00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:55,618 Hollywood only lets in one Bill Nye in a generation. 204 00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:57,787 (exclaims) With the nerdy and the hoyvik 205 00:08:57,870 --> 00:09:00,706 and the reference only I understand. 206 00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:04,460 And, of course, our incredible star, Sideshow Mel. 207 00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,629 Finally not a sidekick. 208 00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:09,048 This is my time to shine. 209 00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:11,425 Your first line is on page 37. 210 00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:12,635 What?! 211 00:09:12,718 --> 00:09:15,263 ♪ Yo, Jebediah survived the pox ♪ 212 00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:16,722 ♪ Never used clocks ♪ 213 00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:18,808 ♪ Didn't wear socks, that's what we learned ♪ 214 00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:22,019 ♪ From examining his docs, and now the mic drops. ♪ 215 00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:23,354 Boom, et cetera. 216 00:09:23,437 --> 00:09:25,356 -(groans) -Krusty, what's wrong? 217 00:09:25,439 --> 00:09:27,608 It's happened-- the worst possible thing 218 00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:29,777 that can happen to a performer. 219 00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:30,903 What do you mean? 220 00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:32,572 I'm in an article entitled, 221 00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:34,073 "Where Are They Now?" 222 00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:36,409 (sobs) 223 00:09:36,492 --> 00:09:39,036 Right above Judd Nelson and New Coke. 224 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,997 I'll tell you where Judd Nelson is. 225 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,916 He's on my show tonight. (sobs) 226 00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:49,046 Ah. Fantastic! 227 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:50,673 What's that thing you were doing? 228 00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:54,176 Oh, uh, local theater. You wouldn't be interested. 229 00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:56,679 Hey, I'm a performer, an artist, 230 00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:59,098 which means I'm always interested in money. 231 00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:02,101 Live theater is the only thing getting ratings these days. 232 00:10:02,184 --> 00:10:03,227 Who owns the rights? 233 00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:06,022 A Mrs. Marge Simpson. 234 00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:09,400 Oh, really? Let's see what kind of bargain 235 00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:12,194 Mrs. Marge Simpson drives. 236 00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:15,781 So you'll get 80% of the profits 237 00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:18,701 while I get foreign distribution rights in Venezuela 238 00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:20,536 for a window of three weeks. 239 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:23,039 (chuckles nervously, groans) 240 00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:26,250 So my little show's gonna be on TV live? 241 00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:28,794 Yep. This is the first time a woman has signed something 242 00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:31,339 with me where I didn't lose custody of something. 243 00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:33,007 So where will we stage it? 244 00:10:33,090 --> 00:10:35,760 Outside, where the lighting is free. 245 00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:37,595 Ooh, are you sure that's not risky? 246 00:10:37,678 --> 00:10:40,931 Well, some would say I'm taking a risk with an original play 247 00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:44,810 and a first-time director, but show business is based on risks. 248 00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:47,855 Risks and comic books. Excuse me. 249 00:10:47,938 --> 00:10:49,815 (chuckles) 250 00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:53,694 So, Marge, are you ready to beg me to come back? 251 00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:56,989 Actually, Llewellyn, we're doing fine on our own. 252 00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:59,992 No need to grovel. You don't actually have to say anything. 253 00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:01,327 Okay, fine, I'll come back. 254 00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:03,412 No one's asking you to come back. 255 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,998 You know what? Just for that, I won't come back. 256 00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:09,835 -Fine. -Please, I'm begging you, take me back. 257 00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,963 All right, but beware, 258 00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:15,841 hell hath no fury like a director scorned. 259 00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:17,301 Now, if you'll excuse me, 260 00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:20,012 I have to sneak my headshot onto the wall. 261 00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:22,348 And poof. 262 00:11:22,431 --> 00:11:23,891 You're flushed, Plummer. 263 00:11:23,974 --> 00:11:26,310 I hired you to bus tables. 264 00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:33,859 -Hmm? -I'm researching a role. 265 00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:35,945 (chomps) 266 00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:42,201 Now, Mom, before you go into that production meeting, 267 00:11:42,284 --> 00:11:46,038 I want to pass along a quote from F. Scott Fitzgerald. 268 00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:49,875 "Great art is the contempt of a great woman for small art." 269 00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:53,045 He actually said "man," but he'd have wanted me to change it. 270 00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,381 Didn't he also say, "Show me a hero 271 00:11:55,464 --> 00:11:57,717 and I'll write you a tragedy"? 272 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,511 Yes, but he also said, 273 00:12:00,594 --> 00:12:03,556 "Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat." 274 00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:05,224 But didn't he also say, 275 00:12:05,307 --> 00:12:08,060 "There are no second acts in American lives"? 276 00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:10,062 Just get in the meeting! 277 00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:12,314 The bagels are getting hard. 278 00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:13,899 (grunts happily) 279 00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:15,985 (doorbell rings) 280 00:12:16,944 --> 00:12:19,196 (chuckles) There's my Jebediah. 281 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,782 Marge, I'm leaving the show 282 00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:24,160 to fulfill a lifelong dream-- 283 00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:26,871 playing Prospero in The Tempest. 284 00:12:26,954 --> 00:12:28,497 You can't quit now. 285 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,166 We're live in three days. 286 00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:32,168 We have no understudy. 287 00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:36,005 And you were gonna bring the edibles for the wrap party. 288 00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:38,007 Not my problem. 289 00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:40,926 There's nothing I enjoy more than watching a director 290 00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:44,263 trying to talk an actor out of leaving for a better part. 291 00:12:44,346 --> 00:12:47,725 (cackles) Dramatic twist! 292 00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:53,856 ♪ Sing a song of sixpence, a pocketful of rye ♪ 293 00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:57,359 ♪ Four and 20 blackbirds baked in a pie. ♪ 294 00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:59,153 (cawing, chirping) 295 00:12:59,236 --> 00:13:01,572 Stay in there, you stupid blackbirds! 296 00:13:01,655 --> 00:13:03,032 (screeching) 297 00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:05,034 Darling, you're supposed to kill the blackbirds 298 00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:07,161 before you put them in the pie. 299 00:13:07,244 --> 00:13:09,371 Homie, Homie. 300 00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:10,873 (screeching) 301 00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:12,792 -Homie. Homie. -Blackbirds! Blackbirds! 302 00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:14,376 Homie, wake up. 303 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,045 What are you dreaming about? 304 00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:17,880 Uh, Daddy and Me class. 305 00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:19,799 You are a great father. 306 00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:23,010 Oh, I wish I felt like a great director. 307 00:13:23,093 --> 00:13:25,471 Fine, if you want me to quit the class, I'll do it. 308 00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:27,223 Who said anything about quitting? 309 00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:30,184 I've had enough people quit on me today. 310 00:13:30,267 --> 00:13:32,520 Marge, anyone who can raise two girls and two boys 311 00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:34,313 the way you're doing can do anything. 312 00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:36,398 You're gonna make it. 313 00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:39,360 I've got a special announcement today. 314 00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:41,070 You're gonna wear the perfume I bought you? 315 00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:42,404 Even better. 316 00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:44,073 Barry's divorce came through, 317 00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:46,867 so I'm able to leave this class and marry him. 318 00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:49,370 Come on up, Barry. 319 00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:50,996 (all groaning) 320 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,498 Later, losers. 321 00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:55,084 Barry's not sitting cross-legged anymore. 322 00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:56,418 Uh, why him? 323 00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:58,045 Maybe I have the cutest baby. 324 00:13:58,128 --> 00:14:00,339 Or maybe the first words I got her to say were 325 00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:02,091 "I love you, Chloe." 326 00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:04,552 (gibbering): I love you, Chloe. 327 00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:07,263 We sang "Wheels on the Bus" together. 328 00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:08,931 Well, that's it. Time to... 329 00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:11,392 (stammers) Where's the baby I brought? 330 00:14:11,475 --> 00:14:15,312 Ah, geez. I won't be dating her grandma anymore. 331 00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:17,273 (indistinct chatter) 332 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:19,692 So I guess we're not doing the class. 333 00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:26,073 Wait a minute, the part you liked was spending time with me? 334 00:14:26,156 --> 00:14:30,119 Aw. Well, I'll always dance with you, sweetie. 335 00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:33,414 ♪ ♪ 336 00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:36,375 Hmm? (gasping) 337 00:14:36,458 --> 00:14:37,710 (strains) 338 00:14:39,461 --> 00:14:41,964 Okay, no pressure, but I need to find a new lead 339 00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:43,966 in the next 15 minutes. 340 00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:45,134 Preferably a name. 341 00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:46,969 Is Bumblebee Man available? 342 00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:49,305 No, he's playing Don Quixote in Man of La Mancha. 343 00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:52,975 Damn it. Why is this town's theater scene so vibrant? 344 00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:56,020 I'm here to audition for the part of Macbeth. 345 00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:57,354 It's not Macbeth. 346 00:14:57,438 --> 00:14:59,023 -Is it Macduff? -Not Macduff. 347 00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:01,650 Well, there's no other parts worth playing! 348 00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,319 That's it. We're doomed. 349 00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:05,029 We'll just have a bake sale. 350 00:15:05,112 --> 00:15:06,655 Will you serve haggis? 351 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,407 -No. -I'm out. 352 00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:11,994 (deep voice): ♪ A pioneer with no fear ♪ 353 00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:13,996 ♪ Shooting deer ♪ 354 00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:15,998 ♪ On the frontier... ♪ 355 00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:17,625 Spotlight that singer. 356 00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:21,253 ♪ And the crowds all cheer ♪ 357 00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:24,340 ♪ Jebediah Springfield ♪ 358 00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:28,344 ♪ Found the town right here. ♪ 359 00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:29,970 (regular voice): Yes, glavin, it's me, 360 00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:31,639 with the Gomer Pyle voice 361 00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:35,184 and the unexpectedly good singing. 362 00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:36,477 You've got the part. 363 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:37,478 (deep voice): ♪ Thank you. ♪ 364 00:15:37,561 --> 00:15:38,812 Save your voice. 365 00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:41,815 (regular voice): All right, then. 366 00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:43,484 (thunder rolls) 367 00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:46,362 Marge, as your producer, I'm gonna inform you of a problem, 368 00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:48,530 then blame you if you can't solve it. 369 00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,532 (sighs) Now what? 370 00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:53,369 There's one thing a first-time director cannot control. 371 00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:54,536 Bruce Willis? 372 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:55,955 No, the weather. 373 00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:58,707 -Marge, it's going to rain during the show. -How hard? 374 00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:02,670 Well, let's just say I hope you liked the movie Waterworld. 375 00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:05,422 Ambitious, eh, but unsatisfying. 376 00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:07,424 You might want to consider canceling. 377 00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:10,386 I don't know much about showbiz, but I know one thing: 378 00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:12,554 the show must go on. 379 00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:14,390 Huh? I never heard that before. 380 00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:16,558 Really? Well, tell me to break a leg. 381 00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:19,311 Why would I do that? It's violent and cruel. 382 00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:21,772 Well, there's no business like show business. 383 00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:23,440 Nah, nah, now that's not true. 384 00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:24,775 Most show business companies 385 00:16:24,858 --> 00:16:27,152 are part of much larger conglomerates. 386 00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:29,071 Just get the hell out. 387 00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:30,990 That I've heard before. 388 00:16:32,032 --> 00:16:33,033 (grunts) 389 00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:34,201 Hmm. 390 00:16:34,284 --> 00:16:36,328 Going live. Break a leg, everyone. 391 00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:38,330 -MAN: What? -MAN 2: Why would you wish that? 392 00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:39,873 LENNY: You're mean. 393 00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:43,043 (piano playing) 394 00:16:43,127 --> 00:16:45,170 ♪ Let me tell you about a mystery ♪ 395 00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:46,505 ♪ Of our city's history ♪ 396 00:16:46,588 --> 00:16:48,382 ♪ An out-of-towner was our founder ♪ 397 00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:50,217 ♪ Despite his latent bigotry ♪ 398 00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,386 ♪ How did this pioneer domineer ♪ 399 00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:55,014 ♪ Persevere, then die right here? ♪ 400 00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:58,392 ♪ Before the tire fire, a man named Jebediah ♪ 401 00:16:58,475 --> 00:17:01,770 -♪ Made Springfield the new frontier... ♪ -(mouthing) 402 00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:04,815 Cue camera three. 403 00:17:04,898 --> 00:17:06,358 Cue Bart. 404 00:17:07,776 --> 00:17:09,319 Whoa. 405 00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:13,240 (deep voice): ♪ That's right, my name is Jebediah Springfield ♪ 406 00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:16,243 ♪ There is none to whom I yield ♪ 407 00:17:16,326 --> 00:17:18,078 ♪ No king to whom I've kneeled ♪ 408 00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:19,955 ♪ Tonight my secrets ♪ 409 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:22,791 ♪ Are revealed ♪ 410 00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:31,008 ♪ Jebediah Springfield ♪ 411 00:17:35,262 --> 00:17:37,181 (hip-hop beat playing) 412 00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:40,517 ♪ Now, this bear and I are one and the same ♪ 413 00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:43,437 ♪ He gave his life so that I could have fame ♪ 414 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:46,440 ♪ Jebediah Springfield. ♪ 415 00:17:46,523 --> 00:17:48,108 MARGE: Cut to commercial. 416 00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:51,570 That's a cut to commercial, everyone. 417 00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:53,322 John Lithgow? 418 00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:55,199 I like to work. 419 00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:57,367 -Oh, uh, line, please? -"Grrr." 420 00:17:57,451 --> 00:17:59,953 No, you fool, a rescue line. 421 00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:01,538 Mom, what do we do? 422 00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:02,998 Improvise. 423 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:06,126 Lisa, I need a five-minute rap about the cruelty of the sea 424 00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:08,545 and the brave souls who rise above it. 425 00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:11,632 No problem. Can I make sly analogies to today's politics? 426 00:18:11,715 --> 00:18:12,841 No. You'll date it. 427 00:18:15,552 --> 00:18:17,429 ♪ The bullets flew like rain ♪ 428 00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:18,806 ♪ As buffalo were slain... ♪ 429 00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:21,600 Who wants to change the channel? 430 00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:23,477 Either they're all dead or it's a hit. 431 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:25,145 Fifty-fifty. 432 00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:27,397 (gasps) 433 00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:31,360 ♪ And now I have a raging fever ♪ 434 00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:35,155 ♪ Bitten by a rabid beaver ♪ 435 00:18:35,239 --> 00:18:38,158 ♪ I didn't fight for equal rights ♪ 436 00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:42,663 ♪ I wish I'd done more for non-whites ♪ 437 00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:47,167 ♪ But no more time for Jebediah ♪ 438 00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:52,131 ♪ All that's left to do ♪ 439 00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:55,509 ♪ Is ♪ 440 00:18:55,592 --> 00:18:58,220 ♪ Die-a. ♪ 441 00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:00,305 (regular voice): Oy, death! (groans) 442 00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:04,852 (cheering) 443 00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:06,687 BARNEY: In unison! 444 00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:08,605 AUDIENCE (chanting): Marge! Marge! Marge! 445 00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:11,525 This is the happiest moment... (choking) 446 00:19:11,608 --> 00:19:14,611 Careers are getting shorter than ever these days. 447 00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:19,616 Marge, we got the highest rating in modern TV history. 448 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,451 A 0.6! 449 00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,370 Congratulations. 450 00:19:23,453 --> 00:19:27,291 I did it. I directed a popular off-Broadway musical. 451 00:19:27,374 --> 00:19:30,627 And I wrote a popular off-Broadway musical. 452 00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:34,298 And I caught an octopus on Main Street. What a day. 453 00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:38,969 And the winner for Outstanding Lead Performance 454 00:19:39,052 --> 00:19:40,762 in a Play or Musical. 455 00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:43,849 Oh, mein Gott! It's Sideshow Mel for The Tempest. 456 00:19:43,932 --> 00:19:46,268 (Krusty the Clown Show theme song playing) 457 00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:50,105 Barbara, you can put the kids to bed now. 458 00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:53,567 Is what I'd like to say, but I'm childless. 459 00:19:53,650 --> 00:19:57,154 "One pie to the groin won't do damage," they said. 460 00:19:57,237 --> 00:19:58,906 They were wrong! 461 00:19:58,989 --> 00:20:01,408 12 nominations, zero awards. 462 00:20:01,491 --> 00:20:03,660 Welcome to Club Snub, Marge. 463 00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:06,663 Feel the bile rising, the bitterness that will never... 464 00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:10,792 PRESENTER: And a special award for Best Newcomer, Marge Simpson. 465 00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:11,960 -(gasps) -Damn it! 466 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,712 (The Simpsons theme playing) 467 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:22,262 ♪ Ah, hell, give me ♪ 468 00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:25,349 ♪ A white wine spritzer ♪ 469 00:20:25,432 --> 00:20:28,894 ♪ Ah, hell, give me ♪ 470 00:20:28,977 --> 00:20:31,396 ♪ A white wine spritzer ♪ 471 00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:55,379 ♪ You ♪ 472 00:20:55,462 --> 00:20:57,881 ♪ Only ♪ 473 00:20:57,965 --> 00:20:59,007 ♪ Live... ♪ 474 00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:01,093 -FRINK (deep voice): ♪ The end. ♪ -Shh! 475 00:21:04,012 --> 00:21:05,973 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH