1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,087 Whee! 2 00:00:04,170 --> 00:00:06,339 Uh-oh. Aah! 3 00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:08,425 ♪ ♪ 4 00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:09,551 D'oh! 5 00:00:10,593 --> 00:00:12,137 (grunts) 6 00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:17,308 D'oh! 7 00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:27,444 Sir, I've prepared your year-end finance report. 8 00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:30,447 Initiate ocular scan mode. 9 00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:32,866 Illuminate... 10 00:00:32,949 --> 00:00:34,951 and recalibrate. 11 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,454 Gah! Unthinkable! The horror! 12 00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:38,830 This is the first year my earnings 13 00:00:38,913 --> 00:00:39,998 are lower than the year before. 14 00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:41,458 I'm sorry, sir. 15 00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:43,293 These days, enlightened people like solar, 16 00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:45,378 and the consciously evil prefer fracking. 17 00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,213 (sputters) Wh-Why, if this continues, 18 00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:49,841 in 150 years I'll be out on the street. 19 00:00:49,924 --> 00:00:52,052 Sir, sir, sir, I'm sure there's some sort 20 00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:53,803 of inessential line item 21 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,388 -that no one will miss. -Mm-hmm. 22 00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:56,973 Effective immediately: 23 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:59,225 children's health care will be cut from workers' benefits. 24 00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:01,311 (booing) 25 00:01:08,359 --> 00:01:10,862 This meeting is over. God bless the United States of America 26 00:01:10,945 --> 00:01:12,655 and release the hounds. 27 00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:14,616 (barking) 28 00:01:14,699 --> 00:01:17,327 Oh, I got three kids, and they've all got health. 29 00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:19,037 I am so cursed. 30 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:21,372 That's what you get for having a family. 31 00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:23,708 (chuckles) I'm gonna die like I lived: 32 00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:25,877 nice and lonely. 33 00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:29,923 (chuckles) Sweet. 34 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,303 Maybe we can get the kids government health care. 35 00:01:35,386 --> 00:01:38,515 Oh, sorry, Marge, that's gone, remember? 36 00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:41,643 Because of those corporate tax cuts we all wanted? 37 00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:43,269 I didn't want them. 38 00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:46,231 (laughs): You say so now, but I remember you back then. 39 00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:48,733 (high-pitched voice): "Ooh, corporate tax cuts. 40 00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:51,152 Makers not takers." 41 00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:53,988 Oh, every time Ann Coulter has a cold, 42 00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:55,990 you think she's me. 43 00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:58,493 I'm sorry, honey. We'll just have to cut back 44 00:01:58,576 --> 00:01:59,994 on the kids' meds. 45 00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:02,831 Back in my day, children didn't need no meds! 46 00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:04,541 You just gave 'em a slug of whiskey 47 00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:05,875 and sent 'em off to school. 48 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,669 And if they lost their snowshoe, 49 00:02:07,752 --> 00:02:09,671 you'd beat 'em with the other one! 50 00:02:09,754 --> 00:02:13,508 That's how we raised the generation that lost Vietnam. 51 00:02:13,591 --> 00:02:16,427 Bart, your old attention deficit disorder medicine 52 00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:18,847 isn't covered by insurance anymore, 53 00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:22,100 so we'll have to use a cheaper drug that's just as good. 54 00:02:22,183 --> 00:02:23,977 So goodbye, Focusyn. 55 00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:26,604 Hello, Chillaxodol. 56 00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:29,524 Mm. 57 00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:33,194 Mom, I was just on hypochondria.edu, 58 00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:35,363 and I think you should see something. 59 00:02:36,406 --> 00:02:39,033 Are you giving your precious child 60 00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:43,454 the generic ADD medication Chillaxodol? 61 00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:44,789 Yes. Why? 62 00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:47,500 Your child may experience unwanted side effects, 63 00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:50,420 including headaches... 64 00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:52,589 painful spasms... 65 00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:53,923 (babbling) 66 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,508 ...dry mouth... 67 00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:56,885 (gasps) Ah. 68 00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:59,470 -...and whiskers... -Mm! 69 00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:01,764 ...musical flatulence... 70 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,433 (farting rhythmically) 71 00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:06,102 ...involuntary Memphis juking... 72 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,813 ♪ ♪ 73 00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:10,815 ...sudden relocation... 74 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,692 MARGE: Hmm? Mm. 75 00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:15,445 ...and a symptom that can only be described 76 00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:17,363 as "dolphining." 77 00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:19,115 (squeaking) 78 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:21,618 (gasps) 79 00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:23,328 If you or a loved one 80 00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:25,580 is experiencing any of these side effects, 81 00:03:25,663 --> 00:03:27,540 you would do well to remember 82 00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:29,834 that life is heartless and brutal, 83 00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:32,712 and the cosmos is indifferent to us all. 84 00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:36,049 I'd say goodbye, but what's the point? 85 00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:39,093 (horn honks) 86 00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:40,511 -(tires screech) -(thud) 87 00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:43,097 Without insurance, we'll just have to go to... 88 00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:45,683 (sighs) Dr. Nick. 89 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:47,101 Sorry, everybody. 90 00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:50,772 Remember, if at any time you become a dog, 91 00:03:50,855 --> 00:03:53,191 then I can medicine you. 92 00:03:53,274 --> 00:03:55,485 No hope. There's no hope here. 93 00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,990 Hmm. "The healing magic of crystals." 94 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:04,702 (sighs) Well, I've tried everything else. 95 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,875 Shalom, kind queen. 96 00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:13,503 I mean the "hello" shalom, but also the "peace" one. 97 00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:15,880 How can I soothe you? 98 00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:18,132 Wow. That was a lot just now. 99 00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:22,470 But yet it's only a snippet of the cosmic conversation. 100 00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:24,681 Look, my son is having bad side effects 101 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:26,349 from his ADD meds. 102 00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:28,434 His father wants him to join football 103 00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:30,603 for a nice, calming concussion. 104 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:32,605 I have just the thing for you. 105 00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:34,107 Crystals? 106 00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:36,442 Healing crystals. 107 00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:38,486 I am pretty desperate. 108 00:04:38,569 --> 00:04:40,530 Crystals are a timeless database 109 00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:43,408 of energy, knowledge and sparkling. 110 00:04:43,491 --> 00:04:45,451 Scientists are finally waking up 111 00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:48,204 to what pyramids have known all along. 112 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:51,666 (like Dracula): I vant to suck your money. 113 00:04:51,749 --> 00:04:55,670 Uh, maybe I could just buy a couple rocks and go. 114 00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:57,463 Oh, they're more than rocks. 115 00:04:57,547 --> 00:05:00,008 They make great stocking stuffers. 116 00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:01,342 And for Hanukkah? 117 00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:02,635 Uh, useless. 118 00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:04,178 (scraping nearby) 119 00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:05,263 MARGE: Hey. 120 00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:12,854 Bart, it's time for your ADD treatment. 121 00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:14,314 Aah... 122 00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:16,357 aah, aah, aah. 123 00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:18,276 Hmm, maybe he's a little overtrained. 124 00:05:18,359 --> 00:05:19,861 It's not a pill. 125 00:05:19,944 --> 00:05:21,237 Ooh, a suppository. 126 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,613 Fill 'er up. 127 00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:24,699 It's not a drug. 128 00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:26,951 I want you to try these. 129 00:05:27,952 --> 00:05:29,370 Hmm... 130 00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:34,459 (explosion) 131 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,170 I believe. 132 00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:39,964 (humming a tune) 133 00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:43,051 "A" paper by Lisa. "A" paper by Lisa. 134 00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:45,428 "A" paper by Bart. 135 00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:48,431 An "A"? Oh, my gosh, Bart! 136 00:05:48,514 --> 00:05:50,558 Could it really be the crystals? 137 00:05:50,641 --> 00:05:52,769 Yes, definitely the crystals. 138 00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:54,896 You really got an "A"? 139 00:05:54,979 --> 00:05:56,606 No white-out. 140 00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:58,608 The answers are actually correct. 141 00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:00,735 Maybe he really did the work. 142 00:06:00,818 --> 00:06:04,280 Or maybe he cheated, and I have to find out how. 143 00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:07,158 Whoa! Someone could use a chill-out crystal. 144 00:06:07,241 --> 00:06:09,660 It's made by your boyfriend, Lis: the Earth! 145 00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:11,662 Lisa has a boyfriend? 146 00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:13,664 And this is how I find out? 147 00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:16,334 I don't know which of you two is dumber. 148 00:06:16,417 --> 00:06:20,588 So I'm a bit of a mystery, huh? Huh? 149 00:06:20,671 --> 00:06:22,090 (school bell ringing) 150 00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:23,966 Marge, I heard Bart got an "A." 151 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,677 -How'd you do it? -Can you keep a secret? 152 00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:29,097 Unless it's about a person, yes. 153 00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:30,598 It was crystals. 154 00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:31,849 Crystals, huh? 155 00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:33,643 I could use some of those for Kirk. 156 00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:35,436 I want to seed the bed with them, 157 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,271 so he doesn't crawl over to me. 158 00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:39,941 No worries. I'll pick up more on my way home. 159 00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:44,278 Oh, no, what happened? 160 00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:46,656 I'm closing the store. A cot finally opened up 161 00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:49,617 in this cult I've been trying to get into. 162 00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:51,327 Congratulations, I guess. 163 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,121 Can I still buy crystals? 164 00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:54,539 Just take 'em. 165 00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:57,959 In fact, you can have my entire inventory. 166 00:06:58,042 --> 00:06:59,419 Thank you. 167 00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:03,714 Now, enter my chariot to Heaven. 168 00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:07,718 Are you sure about this? 169 00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:11,347 Of course! I'm ascending to a higher level of being. 170 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:12,974 Now, sisters, 171 00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:16,811 let us Sharpie in the whites of our eyes. 172 00:07:16,894 --> 00:07:18,813 (Sharpies squeaking) 173 00:07:18,896 --> 00:07:20,898 MARGE: Oh, wow. 174 00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:27,155 "Before passing on to a new owner, 175 00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:29,574 "crystals should be cleared of their old energy 176 00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:32,869 with a combination of water and sulfur." 177 00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:35,746 Which is just what comes out of our tap! 178 00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:43,504 The crystals got Kirk a new job. 179 00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:44,881 With a uniform! 180 00:07:44,964 --> 00:07:47,216 That's right, I'm a batboy. 181 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,426 (chuckles) 182 00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:50,678 Nelson got an "A" on his test! 183 00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:54,056 This is going right up on the refrigerator in the front yard. 184 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:56,642 Marge, we need more crystals. 185 00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:02,023 MARGE: I'm not even 100% sure these things work. 186 00:08:02,106 --> 00:08:04,108 Should I really be selling them? 187 00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:07,570 You know, these just might make me stop drinking. 188 00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:10,364 I guess I should. 189 00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:12,617 I'm gonna grind 'em up and snort 'em. 190 00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:18,206 ♪ ♪ 191 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:22,543 Marge, another "A" in my class for Bart. 192 00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:25,713 I'm so impressed that a boy with Bart's jiggly-wigglies 193 00:08:25,796 --> 00:08:28,090 could be cured by this pagan hogwash. 194 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,384 You can't argue with facts. 195 00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:32,720 Oh, dear, we're running low on obsidian. 196 00:08:32,803 --> 00:08:34,764 Almost out of moon potion. 197 00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:36,974 And there's no more brain powder. 198 00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:39,894 I can sell you brain powder in bulk. 199 00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:42,438 Here's whose brain the powder is from. 200 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,191 It's a cow, but a very smart one. 201 00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:47,151 Hmm. What else do you sell? 202 00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:49,237 Oh, massage stones, copper bracelets, 203 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:50,571 dream catchers, 204 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,615 dream catcher filter replacements. 205 00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:54,659 This old one is full of dreams. 206 00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:56,619 I don't see anything in it. 207 00:08:56,702 --> 00:09:00,289 Don't you see it? Your dream of being a massive success? 208 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,791 You see it? Right there. See it? 209 00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:03,459 -Mm-mmm. -Right there. See it? 210 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:06,003 I think I am starting to see it. 211 00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:07,755 Are you sure? Do you really? 212 00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:09,006 I see it! 213 00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,424 Yeah, okay, bring it down. 214 00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,176 Less Oprah, more Chopra. 215 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:15,471 I see it. I guess I could expand my product line. 216 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,598 Then I can really start making my own money, 217 00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,976 not be dependent on Homer. 218 00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:21,978 Did I hear "not dependent on Homer"? 219 00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:24,939 Boom. Retired. 220 00:09:25,022 --> 00:09:26,774 You should still go in to work. 221 00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:29,277 I don't think I even remember how to get there. 222 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,112 You were just there today. 223 00:09:31,195 --> 00:09:33,114 (elderly voice): Feels like that, doesn't it? 224 00:09:33,197 --> 00:09:34,865 (Marge grumbles) 225 00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:37,952 Here at MURMUR, we have everything 226 00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:39,954 a holistic mother might need. 227 00:09:40,037 --> 00:09:41,122 Cactus milk. 228 00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:42,790 Wicker birthing chairs. 229 00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:44,208 Fairy traps. 230 00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:45,960 Tibetan singing bowls. 231 00:09:46,043 --> 00:09:48,462 (playing dissonant melody) 232 00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:55,720 (Santa's Little Helper howls) 233 00:09:55,803 --> 00:09:57,471 Are these macaroons free-range? 234 00:09:57,555 --> 00:10:01,309 Yes. Only made from coconuts that fall from the tree 235 00:10:01,392 --> 00:10:04,395 or are gently coaxed by woke monkeys. 236 00:10:04,478 --> 00:10:06,480 I'm sorry, Marge, 237 00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:08,149 I'm gonna have to shut you down. 238 00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:10,359 You don't have a retail business license. 239 00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:13,487 Well, Chief, do I really need a license 240 00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:17,158 to sell that hemp body lotion Sarah likes so much? 241 00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:20,077 And which is free to you? 242 00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:21,495 Ooh, I like it, too! 243 00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:23,748 But I'm gonna need more than that. 244 00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:27,585 Hmm. 245 00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:30,588 Mm... hmm. 246 00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:34,091 Mm. (chuckles) 247 00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:36,260 HOMER: Oh, Marge! 248 00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:38,179 (whoops) 249 00:10:38,262 --> 00:10:41,599 I've only done this before with Monopoly money and salami! 250 00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:44,352 Where'd it go? 251 00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:46,520 It's all right here, baby. 252 00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:51,192 We made $1,000 today. 253 00:10:51,275 --> 00:10:53,069 What's that without the cost of goods? 254 00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:55,529 $998. 255 00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,239 (gasps) I love you. 256 00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:58,699 (moans) 257 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,701 ♪ Ain't it beautiful ♪ 258 00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:02,620 ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ 259 00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:06,332 ♪ Crystal blue persuasion ♪ 260 00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:15,675 ♪ Better get ready ♪ 261 00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:20,179 ♪ Gonna see the light ♪ 262 00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:25,101 ♪ Love, love is the answer ♪ 263 00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:27,436 ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ 264 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,647 ♪ And that's all right ♪ 265 00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:35,361 ♪ So don't you give up now ♪ 266 00:11:35,444 --> 00:11:36,570 ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ 267 00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,865 ♪ So easy to find ♪ 268 00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:44,578 ♪ Just look to your soul ♪ 269 00:11:44,662 --> 00:11:46,247 ♪ Look to your soul ♪ 270 00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:49,375 ♪ And open your mind ♪ 271 00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:56,757 ♪ ♪ 272 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:08,728 -Meep... -(growls) 273 00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:16,861 ♪ Crystal blue persuasion, mmm. ♪ 274 00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:19,155 (slurps) 275 00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:21,323 So, those crystals 276 00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:24,326 must really be uncloggin' your noggin, huh? 277 00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:27,955 Yep. They're making math problems like 60 + 63 278 00:12:28,038 --> 00:12:29,623 as easy as 1-2-3. 279 00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:32,835 Mm. And what is 60 + 63? 280 00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:34,295 Oh. Um... 281 00:12:34,378 --> 00:12:36,088 It's 1-2-3! 282 00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:38,090 BART: Ay, caramba! 283 00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:41,051 I'll figure out your scam. 284 00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:42,386 Sorry, Lis, 285 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:45,723 I can't hear you over the bowl. 286 00:12:45,806 --> 00:12:47,391 (sustained note) 287 00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:50,227 You won't get away with it! 288 00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:51,979 I will stop you! 289 00:12:52,062 --> 00:12:54,315 Because this is not... (grunts) 290 00:12:54,398 --> 00:12:55,983 Oh, oh. 291 00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:57,318 Singing bowl, 292 00:12:57,401 --> 00:12:59,779 you are so peaceful. 293 00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:00,946 (cash register dings) 294 00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:03,491 Luann bought $60 worth 295 00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:04,992 of organic blackberries today. 296 00:13:05,075 --> 00:13:07,244 I hope she enjoys both of them. 297 00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:10,498 I need this for shopping. 298 00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:13,334 And this for a rainy day. 299 00:13:13,417 --> 00:13:16,712 Do I hear thunder? 300 00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:20,007 Namaste. 301 00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:22,009 We're closed. 302 00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:25,888 What part of "namaste" don't you understand? 303 00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:27,681 I'm gonna need you to can it, Marge. 304 00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:29,350 My name is Piper Paisley. 305 00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:30,559 Do I know you? 306 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:33,187 I have a healing beauty relaxorium in Shelbyville. 307 00:13:33,270 --> 00:13:34,688 Perhaps you've heard of PLOP. 308 00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:38,442 Well, it's wonderful to meet a fellow entrepreneuse. 309 00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:40,694 Is it? If I wasn't Botoxed as hell, 310 00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:42,780 I'd be frowning at you right now. 311 00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:45,032 (snaps) 312 00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:47,785 (gasps) East? 313 00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:49,370 That's a solstice stone, 314 00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:51,455 not an equinox stone. 315 00:13:52,706 --> 00:13:56,710 Just nama-stay out of my business. 316 00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:05,886 Marge, honey, you've got to be careful. 317 00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:07,680 She means business. 318 00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:11,100 Oh, look what it says. 319 00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:12,935 This means war. 320 00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:14,770 Marge, don't say that! 321 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,231 I got into this business because of the kids, 322 00:14:17,314 --> 00:14:19,233 but now I like it. 323 00:14:19,316 --> 00:14:20,568 You know what? 324 00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:23,904 I'm going to open up a kiosk in the Shelbyville Mall. 325 00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:25,489 On her turf! 326 00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:27,867 ♪ ♪ 327 00:14:33,497 --> 00:14:34,623 Ugh! 328 00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,083 You don't belong there! 329 00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:37,668 What happened to that hoverboard guy? 330 00:14:37,751 --> 00:14:39,837 Marge made me a better offer! 331 00:14:44,508 --> 00:14:46,260 You know you can't do this, right-- 332 00:14:46,343 --> 00:14:48,929 build a competing kiosk in the same escalator dump-out zone? 333 00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:50,097 (chuckles): I mean, 334 00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:51,432 you can't. 335 00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:54,852 There's no more law and order in malls. 336 00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:57,271 (whimpers) Aah! 337 00:14:58,856 --> 00:15:00,816 You've been living in my kiosk? 338 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,735 If you call that living. 339 00:15:03,861 --> 00:15:05,988 Well, well, Bart, another "A." 340 00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:07,781 (chuckles) 341 00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:10,326 Looks like I brought my average up to a "D." 342 00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:12,870 (school bell rings) 343 00:15:13,662 --> 00:15:15,748 (chuckles) 344 00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:19,251 (mysterious jazz playing) 345 00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:25,341 (grunts) 346 00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:30,971 Now to test my theory. 347 00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:34,475 Aha! 348 00:15:34,558 --> 00:15:36,560 What the hell are you doing? 349 00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:38,312 I know what you did, Bart Simpson. 350 00:15:38,395 --> 00:15:40,314 It's crystal clear. 351 00:15:40,397 --> 00:15:42,566 You hid the Gettysburg Address 352 00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:44,568 in a poster right by your desk, 353 00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:47,905 which you could read when Milhouse distracted Flanders. 354 00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:50,366 (sniffing) 355 00:15:50,449 --> 00:15:52,910 (groaning) 356 00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:55,496 (Flanders gasps) 357 00:15:55,579 --> 00:15:57,581 (mysterious jazz begins playing) 358 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,418 Pure coincidence. 359 00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:03,921 I put all the times tables in Newton's wig. 360 00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:06,465 And look what I hid in the apple. 361 00:16:08,008 --> 00:16:09,093 Ew! 362 00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:10,928 You know, it would have been far easier 363 00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:13,013 just to study and get an "A." 364 00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:14,848 Yeah, but what's the point of that? 365 00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:16,600 I'm telling Dad. 366 00:16:17,601 --> 00:16:19,019 Not today. I got my book club. 367 00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:20,396 A Confederacy of Dunces. 368 00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:21,855 Ooh, is that the book? 369 00:16:21,939 --> 00:16:22,856 No, that's who's coming: 370 00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:25,275 Lenny, Carl, Barney, Moe. 371 00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:28,195 The book we read was, uh, The Girl with the Dragon Something. 372 00:16:28,278 --> 00:16:30,280 -I didn't get through the title. -Yeah, me neither. 373 00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:33,659 It was just as boring as Tinker Tailor Something Something. 374 00:16:33,742 --> 00:16:34,952 Well, cancel the book club, 375 00:16:35,035 --> 00:16:37,746 'cause Bart has something he has to tell Mom. 376 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,289 Why? 377 00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:41,750 You don't realize how bad this is, do you? 378 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:45,546 You betrayed the one person who still believes in you. 379 00:16:45,629 --> 00:16:46,630 The dog believes in me. 380 00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:48,465 Ruh-ruh. 381 00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:49,883 Don't you get it? 382 00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:52,469 Who's the person that's always there when you need it? 383 00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:53,804 ("I'll Always Love My Mama" by the Intruders playing) 384 00:16:53,887 --> 00:16:56,598 ♪ I'll always love my mama ♪ 385 00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:59,226 ♪ She's my favorite girl ♪ 386 00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:03,731 -♪ I'll always love my mama. ♪ -(school bell rings) 387 00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:05,107 Oh, my God. 388 00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:06,734 She's shown me nothing but love. 389 00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:08,610 How do I make this guilt go away? 390 00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:09,903 Tell her the truth. 391 00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:11,447 No, that's not it. Keep pitching. 392 00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:12,448 No, that is it! 393 00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:13,657 Oh, fine! 394 00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:15,534 Now, looky here. 395 00:17:15,617 --> 00:17:17,953 I learned Swedish to read this here book, 396 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:21,248 and we are gonna discuss it. 397 00:17:21,331 --> 00:17:23,417 Nordic noir is known for its plain language 398 00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,002 and absence of metaphors. 399 00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:26,336 Dig deeper. 400 00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:27,671 (stammers) The novel reflects, 401 00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:29,423 implicitly and explicitly, gaps between rhetoric 402 00:17:29,506 --> 00:17:30,841 and practice in Swedish policy. 403 00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:32,718 (panting) 404 00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:33,802 That'll do nicely. 405 00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,096 Who wants cake? 406 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:39,850 I said, who wants cake? 407 00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:45,355 Our day of kiosk combat begins. 408 00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:48,942 My sisters abuse Piper's free sample policy. 409 00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:52,946 Mmm. I smell like the smoking area of a nice resort. 410 00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:54,948 Schmear me like a bagel. 411 00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:56,950 (both chuckle) 412 00:17:57,034 --> 00:17:58,285 Now, phase two. 413 00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:01,288 The one force no kiosk can withstand: 414 00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:03,457 a confused old person. 415 00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:05,125 Somewhere in me is a yoni egg. 416 00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:06,627 I think it might be hatching. 417 00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:08,295 Uh, they don't hatch. 418 00:18:08,378 --> 00:18:10,714 Can you take that chance? 419 00:18:13,550 --> 00:18:15,844 Mom, I'm sorry. 420 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:18,013 I wasn't getting As because of the crystals. 421 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,640 I lied. 422 00:18:19,723 --> 00:18:21,809 ♪ ♪ 423 00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,480 This crystal don't work! 424 00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:28,482 Nelson got detention, 425 00:18:28,565 --> 00:18:32,694 and I got demoted from stripper to topless valet. 426 00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:35,030 Kirk crawled over these and made his way to me. 427 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,490 Three times. 428 00:18:36,573 --> 00:18:37,825 (sighs) 429 00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:40,410 One last thing to do. 430 00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:44,331 That's not the egg I was thinking of. 431 00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:45,999 Keep looking. 432 00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:48,418 Stop, stop. Piper, stop. 433 00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:49,962 You win. 434 00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:51,922 I don't belong in this mall 435 00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:55,092 with all these legitimate businesses. 436 00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:56,510 (cackles) 437 00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:58,345 I win! (chuckles) 438 00:18:58,428 --> 00:19:00,013 I win. Me. 439 00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:02,015 I'm sorry, I'm just... I'm very competitive. 440 00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:03,684 Have you tried rose quartz? 441 00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:06,186 Let me ask you something. Do I look like an idiot? 442 00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:08,355 (chuckles) Ooh, I love your handbag. 443 00:19:08,438 --> 00:19:09,731 Well, thank you. 444 00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:12,025 No prob, babe. I win. 445 00:19:13,068 --> 00:19:14,945 (energetic music playing) 446 00:19:18,282 --> 00:19:21,076 Marge, honey, I'm glad you're home. 447 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,536 I've been thinking. 448 00:19:22,619 --> 00:19:26,081 I want to be more than just Mr. Mrs. Homer Simpson. 449 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,708 I want to get a job. 450 00:19:27,791 --> 00:19:29,376 You have a job. 451 00:19:29,459 --> 00:19:31,962 I know. Raising the kids and looking fabulous. 452 00:19:32,045 --> 00:19:33,380 But I thought it would be nice 453 00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:35,716 to have somewhere to go every day. 454 00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:37,384 You work at the power plant. 455 00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:40,220 They call every morning and say, "Where are you?" 456 00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:41,471 So you're not mad? 457 00:19:41,555 --> 00:19:43,307 Oh, I love you! Mwah! 458 00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:44,725 Thank you for understanding. 459 00:19:44,808 --> 00:19:46,226 (chuckling): Oh... 460 00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:51,523 (ominous music plays) 461 00:19:55,485 --> 00:19:56,945 Excuse me. 462 00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,114 I have a friend I think is here. 463 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,950 Um, I just wanted to make sure she's okay. 464 00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,952 Marge. Good to see you. 465 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,954 But, really, not necessary. 466 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,748 Because everything here is... 467 00:20:07,831 --> 00:20:10,042 Run! Run! 468 00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:12,544 -(rapid gunfire) -What's happening here?! 469 00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:14,213 I thought you were just getting massages! 470 00:20:14,296 --> 00:20:15,589 Those were good. 471 00:20:15,672 --> 00:20:17,466 But the other stuff is... (shudders) 472 00:20:19,676 --> 00:20:21,386 Blow up the bridge. 473 00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:22,679 (explosion) 474 00:21:09,142 --> 00:21:11,144 Shh! 475 00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:16,024 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH