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00:00:00,912 --> 00:00:05,353
("The Simpsons Theme"
plays briefly)
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(menu selection sound popping)
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(dramatic music playing)
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GRUFF‐VOICED MAN:
A greedy man
once yearned for more,
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so the fool began to borrow.
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He ate and drank
and told the bank,
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"I'll pay the debt tomorrow."
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But as both dolt
and purse grew fat,
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00:00:33,176 --> 00:00:35,380
the calendar grew thinner.
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(glass shatters)
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The debt collector had enough
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and hungered for his dinner.
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‐(grunts)
‐(gunshots)
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‐(guns click empty)
‐(gasps)
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The coward ran,
with coin in hand,
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00:00:51,112 --> 00:00:54,451
but come dawn, lost his breath.
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The fool was caught,
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'twas all for naught,
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for the collector's name
was Death.
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(chuckles)
Heck of a poem there, fella.
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I just caught the tail end.
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You got any more chilling verses
in that book of yours?
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Oh, this isn't
a poetry book, cowboy‐man.
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This is a ledger of debts.
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Debts to be paid
in money or blood,
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and lately, Venmo.
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I've been sent
to collect in blood.
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(guns cock)
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Don't do this!
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I have a wife
and two young mistresses,
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also a secret other wife.
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Please, I'm a good man.
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A good man!
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(pen clicks)
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In my experience, Mr. Texan...
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...there's no such thing
as a good man.
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("The Ninety and Nine"
by Burl Ives playing)
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♪ There were ninety and nine
that safely lay ♪
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♪ In the shelter of the fold ♪
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♪ Of the fold ♪
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♪ But one was out
on the hills away ♪
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00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:06,797
♪ Far off from
the gates of gold ♪
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♪ Gates of gold ♪
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♪ Away on the mountain
wild and bare ♪
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♪ Away from
the tender shepherd's care. ♪
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Mm, as pristine
as the Garden of Eden
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before Eve came along.
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Homer Simpson?
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00:02:21,392 --> 00:02:23,564
I didn't know you were a fellow
volunteer Litter Gitter?
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00:02:23,630 --> 00:02:24,799
No, I'm doing community service
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00:02:24,866 --> 00:02:28,306
'cause of where I told the judge
to shove some parking tickets.
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Well, sir,
I guess your punishment
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is my predilection to do good.
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Oh, Flanders, you do
so much for the town,
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00:02:36,088 --> 00:02:38,326
yet no one ever
appreciates you for it.
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Why, thank you, Homer.
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Not a compliment.
Saying you're dumb.
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(shouts)
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Shucks! (grunting)
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00:02:48,914 --> 00:02:50,651
Gosh! Ah!
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00:02:50,718 --> 00:02:52,421
Honey, ooh, mustard!
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(groaning)
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Hey, that's a strange place
to check your bag‐a‐rino.
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Dear Lord.
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HOMER: Crap, crap, crap,
crap, crap, crap,
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crap! Oof!
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(groans) I saw you fell,
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so I rushed over
to laugh at you, then...
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00:03:16,202 --> 00:03:17,972
♪ ♪
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Aw, it's always been my dream
to find a bag of money.
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00:03:25,220 --> 00:03:26,522
You stole my dream.
72
00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:28,794
You know, I'd say it's all
a part of God's plan,
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00:03:28,894 --> 00:03:31,600
but usually that only applies
to horrible tragedies.
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00:03:31,633 --> 00:03:34,572
Aw, a do‐gooder like you
finding this money
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is proof that karma is real,
which sucks
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'cause now I can't club you
over the head and take it.
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Aw, thanks, neighbor.
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$173,296.
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We should get a huge terrarium
with like a million turtles.
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00:03:52,407 --> 00:03:55,915
No, we should get a speedboat
with bunk beds on it.
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‐Turtles.
‐Bunk‐boat.
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‐Turtles!
‐Bunk‐boat!
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00:03:59,087 --> 00:04:00,724
(sighs) I wish
your great‐grandfather,
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00:04:00,825 --> 00:04:03,062
Paw Paw Flanders,
was still here to guide us.
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00:04:03,129 --> 00:04:05,701
He was the finest man
I ever knew.
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Pouch of chewing tobacco
for myself
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and a pouch of candy tobacco
for my grandson.
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♪ ♪
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Paw Paw, that man stole
a loaf of bread.
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It's under his T‐shirt
that says... (shivers)
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Linda Ronstadt.
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00:04:23,336 --> 00:04:24,906
Stay here, Neddy.
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00:04:28,045 --> 00:04:29,682
Afternoon, mop top.
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Yeah?
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♪ ♪
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Here's some "bread"
for your bread,
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my countercultural friend.
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‐Have a good one.
‐Death to pigs, except you, man.
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00:04:43,844 --> 00:04:46,583
Gee, Paw Paw,
why didn't you arrest him?
100
00:04:46,650 --> 00:04:49,288
Neddy, when I was growing up
at the orphanage,
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the nuns taught us one thing:
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the harder the good,
the better the man.
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Boys, I know just what to do.
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(overlapping excited chatter)
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00:05:01,478 --> 00:05:03,416
BARB:
Oh, my gosh.
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00:05:03,482 --> 00:05:06,155
In all my years
of orphanagereal management,
107
00:05:06,222 --> 00:05:09,494
I've never seen
a donation this generous.
108
00:05:09,562 --> 00:05:11,733
The town's gonna go
ape over bananas
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00:05:11,833 --> 00:05:14,438
when it hears all about
your generosity.
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00:05:14,504 --> 00:05:16,108
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
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I always donate anonymously.
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"When thou doest thine alms..."
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"Do not sound a trumpet
before thee."
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BOTH:
Matthew 6:2.
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(both laugh)
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Aw, but wouldn't you like
some accolades
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00:05:29,869 --> 00:05:32,742
and attaboys for being
such an upstanding fella?
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Oh, I don't do good deeds
for recognition.
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That's why no one
ever gives it to me.
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(gasps) Hold on.
121
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What if you donated that money
in the name of someone special?
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(gasps)
I could honor my Paw Paw.
123
00:05:46,435 --> 00:05:49,374
Oh, see?
Nothing prideful about that.
124
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Now, what's the name
of the saintly fella
125
00:05:51,947 --> 00:05:54,284
you'd like to give
all the credit to?
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00:05:54,351 --> 00:05:55,955
Ned Flanders.
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Uh, the First.
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ORPHANS (chanting):
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Ned's number one!
130
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Paw Paw was technically
Ned number one,
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00:06:03,302 --> 00:06:04,872
so that chant's okay with me.
132
00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:08,914
So, how does it feel to be the
most beloved man in Springfield?
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00:06:08,981 --> 00:06:10,951
You mean, the grandson of?
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It feels darn‐diddly good.
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♪ ♪
136
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(sighs)
137
00:06:28,587 --> 00:06:30,123
I love a pomegranate.
138
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Its juices remind me of the
bloody profession I've chosen.
139
00:06:34,298 --> 00:06:36,903
No, I agree, it's not subtle.
140
00:06:36,970 --> 00:06:40,209
Anyhoo, the Rich Texan account
has been balanced,
141
00:06:40,276 --> 00:06:42,414
and I'll be bringing you
the proof.
142
00:06:42,514 --> 00:06:44,852
No, not the whole head.
143
00:06:44,919 --> 00:06:47,825
They only let you have
one bag on United.
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An anonymous do‐gooder donated
a fortune to a local orphanage,
145
00:06:51,332 --> 00:06:54,004
money found
in an old Pan Am bag.
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00:06:54,104 --> 00:06:58,580
A grand total of $173,296.
147
00:06:58,647 --> 00:07:01,151
I'm staying in Springfield.
148
00:07:01,251 --> 00:07:05,828
I have a very old,
very personal debt to collect.
149
00:07:05,894 --> 00:07:09,267
I spoke to the generous donor,
who insisted on anonymity.
150
00:07:09,301 --> 00:07:11,906
(deep, distorted voice):
It feels darn‐diddly good.
151
00:07:19,789 --> 00:07:21,860
(Irish accent):
Good day to you, shopkeep.
152
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:24,164
Quite the collection
of funny books you have here.
153
00:07:24,264 --> 00:07:25,500
Wonder if you could help us.
154
00:07:25,601 --> 00:07:28,874
Looking for a local fella,
name of Flanders.
155
00:07:28,940 --> 00:07:32,280
Do I look like the town's
information kiosk to you?
156
00:07:32,347 --> 00:07:33,784
It is much smaller than I.
157
00:07:33,817 --> 00:07:35,721
Hit the bricks, Lucky Charms.
158
00:07:35,754 --> 00:07:38,392
(laughs) I like a good joke.
159
00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:39,494
But my partner?
160
00:07:39,595 --> 00:07:41,633
She's not quite as jovial.
161
00:07:41,700 --> 00:07:44,605
‐Now, where's this
Flanders chap?
‐(lock clicks)
162
00:07:44,706 --> 00:07:48,079
Ooh, locking the door
as a means of intimidation.
163
00:07:48,179 --> 00:07:49,682
How original.
164
00:07:49,782 --> 00:07:52,722
(groans) The silent
but violent accomplice,
165
00:07:52,855 --> 00:07:55,059
another overworked cliché.
166
00:07:55,126 --> 00:07:56,061
(grunts)
167
00:07:56,128 --> 00:07:58,600
(speaking French)
168
00:07:58,734 --> 00:08:00,503
Correction, French accomplice.
169
00:08:00,571 --> 00:08:03,275
An unexpected yet still
underwhelming twist.
170
00:08:03,342 --> 00:08:04,478
Two stars.
171
00:08:04,579 --> 00:08:06,683
Just point us towards
Ned Flanders,
172
00:08:06,750 --> 00:08:08,319
and Colette won't have to spoil
173
00:08:08,386 --> 00:08:11,091
this lovely morning
we're having.
174
00:08:11,125 --> 00:08:12,962
(screams)
175
00:08:13,028 --> 00:08:14,131
(pained groan)
176
00:08:15,533 --> 00:08:16,468
Mando! (gasps)
177
00:08:16,569 --> 00:08:18,907
Stop, stop! I don't know
where Flanders lives,
178
00:08:19,007 --> 00:08:22,414
but you can always find him at
the First Church of Springfield.
179
00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:25,253
Now, that wasn't
so hard, was it?
180
00:08:25,319 --> 00:08:28,192
I'll let you get back to your
Heathcliffs and your Garfields.
181
00:08:28,259 --> 00:08:30,029
I only like the cat ones.
182
00:08:30,096 --> 00:08:32,200
‐(shoes squeaking)
‐(door opens, closes)
183
00:08:32,267 --> 00:08:36,308
Um, two thugs just manhandled me
in the collectibles.
184
00:08:36,408 --> 00:08:39,949
(over phone):
Why the hell am I
paying you for protection?
185
00:08:40,049 --> 00:08:42,788
If another outfit
is moving in on my town,
186
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:46,563
then appropriate violence
will be taken.
187
00:08:47,998 --> 00:08:49,969
(bell tolling)
188
00:08:50,971 --> 00:08:52,775
Bye, now.
189
00:08:52,842 --> 00:08:54,812
Mr. Flanders, it's an honor
190
00:08:54,879 --> 00:08:57,618
to live next door
to such a generous man.
191
00:08:57,685 --> 00:08:58,754
Baller move, Ned.
192
00:08:58,854 --> 00:09:00,624
You splashed the cash
on some no‐dads,
193
00:09:00,691 --> 00:09:03,597
and now you're the top
God‐wad. Respect.
194
00:09:03,663 --> 00:09:05,934
Well, I can't accept
your praise,
195
00:09:06,068 --> 00:09:07,838
as that donation
wasn't in my name.
196
00:09:07,905 --> 00:09:11,245
Oh, you heard him, kids.
Take back your praise.
197
00:09:11,311 --> 00:09:12,848
Anonymous Boy Scout Superman
198
00:09:12,948 --> 00:09:15,286
doesn't want any hugs
or handshakes
199
00:09:15,386 --> 00:09:17,357
or little pats on the head.
200
00:09:17,423 --> 00:09:20,196
(chuckles)
Well, I wasn't trying to‐‐
201
00:09:20,296 --> 00:09:21,331
Um, oops.
202
00:09:21,398 --> 00:09:24,104
I forgot my Bible inside. Bye.
203
00:09:24,171 --> 00:09:25,707
♪ ♪
204
00:09:26,508 --> 00:09:27,812
Uh, pardon me, sir.
205
00:09:27,878 --> 00:09:30,216
I believe that's my good book
you're giving a look.
206
00:09:30,283 --> 00:09:31,886
"Ned Flanders."
207
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:33,422
Used to be a man had to die
208
00:09:33,557 --> 00:09:35,928
to get his name
printed in his Bible.
209
00:09:35,994 --> 00:09:37,998
Eh, guess I saved someone
the trouble.
210
00:09:38,065 --> 00:09:40,136
Hey, haven't seen you
in our church before.
211
00:09:40,203 --> 00:09:41,505
Are you new to the pew?
212
00:09:41,573 --> 00:09:43,375
I am a debt collector by trade,
213
00:09:43,442 --> 00:09:46,616
and this ledger
is my "good book."
214
00:09:46,683 --> 00:09:49,822
I only have one unbalanced debt,
my very first.
215
00:09:49,889 --> 00:09:52,795
It's like having a tickle
in my nose for 50 years
216
00:09:52,862 --> 00:09:56,201
but never getting to sneeze.
217
00:09:57,972 --> 00:10:00,276
That's the same amount I‐‐
(gasps)
218
00:10:00,343 --> 00:10:03,249
This is now your debt to me.
219
00:10:03,315 --> 00:10:04,317
(whimpers)
220
00:10:04,417 --> 00:10:06,589
ORPHANS:
Uncle Neddy!
221
00:10:06,723 --> 00:10:08,994
Barb, am I glad to see you.
222
00:10:09,060 --> 00:10:10,664
You know, I was just
talking to...
223
00:10:10,731 --> 00:10:12,433
He's gone.
224
00:10:12,534 --> 00:10:13,870
No, I'm not.
225
00:10:13,937 --> 00:10:17,177
I started to hide, but I
couldn't find any good places.
226
00:10:17,243 --> 00:10:20,651
I'll see you later.
227
00:10:20,751 --> 00:10:23,857
That was the most terrifying
man I ever met.
228
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:25,661
Yup, he's an odd duck,
all right.
229
00:10:25,727 --> 00:10:27,430
Say, I'm glad I found you.
230
00:10:27,497 --> 00:10:30,369
The Springfield Winter Markets
are opening tonight,
231
00:10:30,436 --> 00:10:34,110
and I was pondering if you
wanted to come with. (chuckles)
232
00:10:34,244 --> 00:10:35,413
To chaperone the kids?
233
00:10:35,479 --> 00:10:37,450
To chaperone me.
234
00:10:37,483 --> 00:10:39,221
Like a date.
235
00:10:39,287 --> 00:10:41,860
ORPHANS:
Ooh!
236
00:10:48,607 --> 00:10:51,913
Get out of town.
You? A javelin thrower?
237
00:10:51,980 --> 00:10:53,917
Oh, yeah.
I would've qualified
238
00:10:53,984 --> 00:10:55,821
for the Pine City
Junior Throwlympics, but,
239
00:10:55,921 --> 00:10:57,290
you know, that was
the year the good Lord
240
00:10:57,390 --> 00:11:00,096
thought to bless me
with my top shelf here.
241
00:11:00,162 --> 00:11:02,200
I hated to hang up
my javelin clogs,
242
00:11:02,333 --> 00:11:05,239
but luckily I discovered
my true passion:
243
00:11:05,306 --> 00:11:06,776
parentless children.
244
00:11:06,843 --> 00:11:09,682
Barb Belfry, at the risk
of sounding crass,
245
00:11:09,749 --> 00:11:11,753
I... I think you're swell.
246
00:11:11,819 --> 00:11:13,623
Cute couple alert.
247
00:11:13,657 --> 00:11:15,861
(imitating a siren):
So cute, so cute!
248
00:11:15,928 --> 00:11:18,633
Some arm candy for Flandy.
249
00:11:18,700 --> 00:11:20,269
Whoop‐de‐do.
250
00:11:20,369 --> 00:11:21,639
(blows raspberry)
251
00:11:21,739 --> 00:11:24,411
Uh, you've had
a little too much eggnog.
252
00:11:24,477 --> 00:11:26,983
Nog just gives voice to truth.
253
00:11:27,083 --> 00:11:30,089
That's right, neighborino.
254
00:11:30,156 --> 00:11:31,224
I'm onto you.
255
00:11:31,325 --> 00:11:33,797
When you bought
all the orphans in town,
256
00:11:33,863 --> 00:11:35,968
I thought you were a fool,
257
00:11:36,001 --> 00:11:39,007
but now I see what you
really did with that money:
258
00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:43,215
buy the love and admiration
of all these suckers.
259
00:11:43,282 --> 00:11:44,451
CROWD:
Boo!
260
00:11:44,517 --> 00:11:47,691
All right, noggy,
into the drunk rink with you.
261
00:11:47,758 --> 00:11:48,727
(Homer groans)
262
00:11:48,793 --> 00:11:50,396
Go slip it off.
263
00:11:50,463 --> 00:11:51,933
(grunting)
264
00:11:53,937 --> 00:11:55,841
(Barney groaning)
265
00:11:55,941 --> 00:11:59,414
I've never been so humiliated
at a seasonal market.
266
00:11:59,481 --> 00:12:03,289
How can someone else's
generosity make you angry?
267
00:12:03,355 --> 00:12:05,961
Mm, because that money
should've been mine!
268
00:12:06,028 --> 00:12:08,132
I fall down inclines
all the time,
269
00:12:08,198 --> 00:12:12,675
and all I ever get
is concussionezzezzezzezzes...
270
00:12:12,775 --> 00:12:13,777
zzezzes.
271
00:12:13,877 --> 00:12:15,881
Wow. I can't believe I'm married
272
00:12:15,981 --> 00:12:18,620
to the most selfish man
in the world.
273
00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:21,960
("No More Hot Dogs"
by Hasil Adkins playing)
274
00:12:22,060 --> 00:12:24,531
‐(tires squealing)
‐(man laughing rhythmically)
275
00:12:29,642 --> 00:12:31,679
(groans)
How come every song you play
276
00:12:31,746 --> 00:12:34,017
has to be so kooky and obscure?
277
00:12:34,150 --> 00:12:36,589
Just for once, I wouldn't mind
a little Taylor Swift
278
00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:38,058
before we commit an atrocity.
279
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:40,129
‐(music stops)
‐(speaks French)
280
00:12:40,229 --> 00:12:41,599
It's right here.
281
00:12:41,666 --> 00:12:43,035
‐(wind whistling)
‐(gasps)
282
00:12:43,837 --> 00:12:45,674
Relax. I remember it.
283
00:12:45,741 --> 00:12:47,310
Evergreen Terrace.
284
00:12:47,377 --> 00:12:49,280
740... something.
285
00:12:49,347 --> 00:12:51,485
♪ ♪
286
00:12:56,228 --> 00:12:58,232
(snoring)
287
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,606
‐(growling)
‐Hmm?
288
00:13:01,673 --> 00:13:03,342
‐(barking)
‐(whimpers)
289
00:13:04,845 --> 00:13:05,781
(whimpers)
290
00:13:05,847 --> 00:13:08,218
(barking)
291
00:13:08,285 --> 00:13:09,855
(chewing)
292
00:13:09,922 --> 00:13:11,258
What do you got there, boy?
293
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:13,262
Drop it, boy. Drop it.
294
00:13:13,395 --> 00:13:14,565
(gasps)
295
00:13:14,665 --> 00:13:17,871
(distorted screaming)
296
00:13:19,207 --> 00:13:21,411
‐Doggy man face.
‐(growling)
297
00:13:21,478 --> 00:13:23,015
(Homer mumbling groggily)
298
00:13:24,552 --> 00:13:26,388
(distorted screaming)
299
00:13:26,488 --> 00:13:28,125
Nighty night, Mr. Flanders.
300
00:13:35,172 --> 00:13:37,377
Well, as the picture frame
said to the level,
301
00:13:37,477 --> 00:13:39,782
that was quite an even‐ing.
302
00:13:39,849 --> 00:13:42,755
(laughs)
303
00:13:42,821 --> 00:13:45,393
Oh, this was
the best night I've had
304
00:13:45,493 --> 00:13:46,929
in a month of Sundays.
305
00:13:47,029 --> 00:13:48,867
Barb, if I were
to kiss you right now,
306
00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:50,837
would, uh, would that
be all right?
307
00:13:50,904 --> 00:13:52,674
Golly, it sure would.
308
00:13:52,741 --> 00:13:54,845
Hot dog!
309
00:13:54,912 --> 00:13:56,281
Well, bye.
310
00:13:56,348 --> 00:14:00,456
Ned, would you like to come in
and see my javelin medals?
311
00:14:00,557 --> 00:14:03,529
‐Oh, yeah. Oh, you betcha.
‐(moaning) Diddly.
312
00:14:03,596 --> 00:14:05,132
‐That's the business.
‐Doodly.
313
00:14:05,199 --> 00:14:07,336
‐Oh, good golly, Miss Molly.
‐Great golly.
314
00:14:07,437 --> 00:14:10,644
‐Right in the kisser. Oh, yeah.
‐(moans)
315
00:14:11,946 --> 00:14:14,718
Is that... is that
Sideshow Mel? (chuckles)
316
00:14:14,819 --> 00:14:16,188
You must be a real fan.
317
00:14:16,254 --> 00:14:18,593
Well, I used to be. (chuckles)
318
00:14:24,839 --> 00:14:26,341
(gasps) He's your husband?
319
00:14:26,441 --> 00:14:29,147
Well, technically,
but don't you worry, hon.
320
00:14:29,214 --> 00:14:31,418
We got an arrangement,
me and Mel.
321
00:14:31,552 --> 00:14:32,588
What?!
322
00:14:32,688 --> 00:14:35,025
I get to have
my extracurriculars
323
00:14:35,092 --> 00:14:36,428
and, uh, so does he.
324
00:14:36,495 --> 00:14:39,134
Well, he tries, anyway.
Aw, bless his heart.
325
00:14:39,234 --> 00:14:41,873
Oh, Lordy, I'm an adulterer.
326
00:14:41,939 --> 00:14:45,446
Don't mind me.
Just rebooting the Wi‐Fi.
327
00:14:45,547 --> 00:14:47,016
Gah, the cuckold!
328
00:14:47,116 --> 00:14:49,955
Oh, come on, Mel. You knew
I had the living room tonight.
329
00:14:50,022 --> 00:14:51,726
Check the darn schedule.
330
00:14:51,826 --> 00:14:52,961
Don't worry about him.
331
00:14:53,028 --> 00:14:54,899
He can turn his video game
up real loud.
332
00:14:54,999 --> 00:14:57,303
Barb Belfry,
this diddly‐daliance
333
00:14:57,370 --> 00:14:59,440
is doodily‐done.
334
00:14:59,507 --> 00:15:01,478
‐(door slams)
‐(Sideshow Mel laughs)
335
00:15:01,579 --> 00:15:03,983
Another Craigslist winner?
336
00:15:04,050 --> 00:15:05,754
Oh, shut up, Mel.
337
00:15:05,854 --> 00:15:08,593
♪ ♪
338
00:15:08,660 --> 00:15:10,496
Your prized piggy,
339
00:15:10,597 --> 00:15:12,935
Mr. Ned Flanders.
340
00:15:13,001 --> 00:15:15,139
(groaning groggily)
341
00:15:15,272 --> 00:15:17,978
This is not Ned Flanders.
342
00:15:18,045 --> 00:15:19,748
W‐Well, sure it is.
343
00:15:19,849 --> 00:15:21,485
Why, look at his credit cards,
344
00:15:21,586 --> 00:15:23,121
his medic alert bracelet,
345
00:15:23,188 --> 00:15:25,493
the tag on his suspiciously
tight undershirt.
346
00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:28,165
(chuckling): They‐they all
say Ned Flanders.
347
00:15:28,265 --> 00:15:31,438
Stupid Flanders,
getting me kidnapped.
348
00:15:34,745 --> 00:15:37,316
You've brought me the wrong man!
349
00:15:37,383 --> 00:15:40,189
Okay, okay,
I'll just get rid of him.
350
00:15:41,424 --> 00:15:43,228
Don't kill him.
351
00:15:43,295 --> 00:15:44,063
Yet.
352
00:15:44,130 --> 00:15:45,600
It's your lucky day, big boy.
353
00:15:45,734 --> 00:15:47,938
I hope you like HGTV.
354
00:15:48,005 --> 00:15:50,744
This one loves
the Property Brothers.
355
00:15:50,810 --> 00:15:53,515
‐Giant charmless goons.
‐(whimpers)
356
00:15:53,583 --> 00:15:56,656
Oh, Lord, seems like
everything's gone screwy
357
00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:58,927
ever since I donated
that money in my name‐‐
358
00:15:59,027 --> 00:16:02,233
(stammers) I mean,
in, uh, Paw Paw's name.
359
00:16:02,333 --> 00:16:05,907
Oh, are you punishing me
for one small,
360
00:16:05,974 --> 00:16:08,078
possibly prideful moment?
361
00:16:08,178 --> 00:16:09,514
(phone rings)
362
00:16:09,582 --> 00:16:11,652
(gasps) God?
363
00:16:11,752 --> 00:16:13,990
Not quite, church chum,
364
00:16:14,057 --> 00:16:16,929
but another friend of yours
is on the line.
365
00:16:16,996 --> 00:16:18,165
Flanders, you got to save me.
366
00:16:18,232 --> 00:16:20,269
This guy's way too weird
not to be dangerous.
367
00:16:20,336 --> 00:16:22,608
He doesn't even look
at his phone when he's bored.
368
00:16:22,674 --> 00:16:23,877
He's not human, I tell you.
369
00:16:23,943 --> 00:16:26,514
You've got 24 hours
to get me my money,
370
00:16:26,616 --> 00:16:29,922
or I'll take out his tonsils
with a power drill.
371
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,057
No cops.
372
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:32,661
(doorbell rings)
373
00:16:33,663 --> 00:16:35,165
Ned, Homer's missing.
374
00:16:35,232 --> 00:16:38,238
I just found the back door open,
his car's in the garage,
375
00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:41,812
and the dog looks really queasy
for some reason.
376
00:16:41,913 --> 00:16:42,781
(groans)
377
00:16:42,881 --> 00:16:44,618
(burps)
378
00:16:44,685 --> 00:16:46,321
The last thing I said to Homer
379
00:16:46,388 --> 00:16:49,227
was that he was the
most selfish man in the world.
380
00:16:49,327 --> 00:16:50,964
Do you think
I should call the police?
381
00:16:51,031 --> 00:16:53,368
FLANDERS:
Oh, no. If she calls the police,
Homer's dead.
382
00:16:53,468 --> 00:16:56,976
If I want to save his life,
I have to... tell a lie.
383
00:16:57,076 --> 00:17:00,282
Uh, H‐Homer, uh, uh,
stopped by here last night
384
00:17:00,349 --> 00:17:02,955
(stammers) and apologized
for being a jerk to me,
385
00:17:03,021 --> 00:17:05,159
and‐and, uh, you know,
then he hopped on a bus
386
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:07,430
to Shelbyville
for a‐a‐a three‐day
387
00:17:07,530 --> 00:17:09,735
anger management course
at the Airport, uh, (stammers)
388
00:17:09,802 --> 00:17:11,104
Hyatt‐Hyatt Express.
389
00:17:11,204 --> 00:17:13,108
That doesn't sound like Homer.
390
00:17:13,175 --> 00:17:14,444
Are you calling me a liar?!
391
00:17:14,545 --> 00:17:18,018
No, but if anyone other than you
told me that story,
392
00:17:18,085 --> 00:17:20,122
I'd be a little suspicious.
393
00:17:20,222 --> 00:17:22,661
Oh, you got to believe
old Honest Ned.
394
00:17:22,761 --> 00:17:26,001
Anyway, I'm, uh, late for my,
uh... hormone therapy.
395
00:17:26,101 --> 00:17:28,205
Bye, now. No cops.
396
00:17:28,272 --> 00:17:31,812
Something about this
just doesn't feel right.
397
00:17:31,879 --> 00:17:35,252
♪ ♪
398
00:17:51,351 --> 00:17:54,591
FAT TONY:
Ah, donut and a fried egg.
399
00:17:54,692 --> 00:17:58,265
You, stranger, are a man
of circular tastes.
400
00:17:59,868 --> 00:18:03,542
On the subject of circles,
some associates of yours
401
00:18:03,609 --> 00:18:07,684
roughed up a rotund gentleman
under my protection,
402
00:18:07,751 --> 00:18:10,255
and now I am irate.
403
00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:12,059
Hmm.
404
00:18:12,126 --> 00:18:16,401
Did you ever hear the parable
of Lucifer and the millipede?
405
00:18:16,468 --> 00:18:18,338
One day, a tiny millipede...
406
00:18:18,372 --> 00:18:21,579
Get the hell out of my town,
or else!
407
00:18:29,027 --> 00:18:30,129
(bell jingles)
408
00:18:30,162 --> 00:18:32,801
Excuse me.
Have you seen this man?
409
00:18:32,901 --> 00:18:34,470
Sure, that's the hobo
410
00:18:34,571 --> 00:18:36,508
that eats the day‐olds
out of our dumpster.
411
00:18:36,609 --> 00:18:39,313
‐Haven't seen him today, though.
‐(groans)
412
00:18:40,482 --> 00:18:44,257
You just ate
your last cigar, old man.
413
00:18:45,660 --> 00:18:47,096
Ah, coffee.
414
00:18:47,196 --> 00:18:49,067
Exactly how I like it,
415
00:18:49,133 --> 00:18:50,837
scalding hot!
416
00:18:50,937 --> 00:18:52,941
Ah! But you said hot.
417
00:18:53,041 --> 00:18:54,377
Hot!
418
00:18:54,477 --> 00:18:57,249
‐(gasps)
‐(groans)
419
00:18:59,220 --> 00:19:00,790
(gasps) Gun!
420
00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:02,360
What the...
421
00:19:05,165 --> 00:19:07,036
(to tune of "Stayin' Alive"):
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
422
00:19:07,103 --> 00:19:09,975
Stayin'‐‐ (screams)
423
00:19:10,075 --> 00:19:12,046
(screams)
424
00:19:12,113 --> 00:19:14,818
You should've let me
finish my parable!
425
00:19:15,553 --> 00:19:17,624
‐(bell jingles)
‐Ahoy‐hoy.
426
00:19:20,429 --> 00:19:21,464
(gasps)
427
00:19:28,078 --> 00:19:30,249
‐(gun clicks empty)
‐Huh?
428
00:19:31,051 --> 00:19:32,086
Uh...
429
00:19:32,219 --> 00:19:34,257
(whimpering)
430
00:19:35,325 --> 00:19:37,396
FAT TONY:
Why are you dipping
my face in dough?
431
00:19:37,463 --> 00:19:40,035
Why are you kneading my face
into an "O" shape?
432
00:19:40,102 --> 00:19:43,341
Why are you pushing my face
toward the deep fryer? (sobs)
433
00:19:43,375 --> 00:19:46,147
Oh, I see. Clever.
434
00:19:46,247 --> 00:19:48,820
‐(Fat Tony screams)
‐(grease sizzling, bubbling)
435
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:53,462
Madam.
436
00:19:56,735 --> 00:19:58,438
(bell jingles)
437
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,144
(gasps) Homer.
438
00:20:01,244 --> 00:20:03,048
‐Oh, no.
‐(bell jingles)
439
00:20:03,115 --> 00:20:06,187
Hands up. This is totally...
440
00:20:06,254 --> 00:20:08,125
Oh, God! My God!
441
00:20:08,225 --> 00:20:09,561
What the hell happened?!
442
00:20:09,628 --> 00:20:12,634
Oh, Mafia guys! Headless dude!
443
00:20:12,701 --> 00:20:14,738
Oh, Disco Man!
444
00:20:14,838 --> 00:20:16,474
I need some water.
445
00:20:16,541 --> 00:20:19,748
Oh! His face is a donut!
446
00:20:19,815 --> 00:20:22,052
That is so messed‐up.
447
00:20:22,153 --> 00:20:24,390
♪ ♪
448
00:20:33,341 --> 00:20:35,078
(sinister laughing)
449
00:20:35,145 --> 00:20:38,251
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
450
00:20:38,318 --> 00:20:41,257
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
451
00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:44,063
And FORD.
We go further, so you can.
452
00:20:44,130 --> 00:20:46,836
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
453
00:21:30,757 --> 00:21:32,393
Shh!