1 00:00:06,557 --> 00:00:07,224 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:07,357 --> 00:00:08,627 (grunting) 3 00:00:08,727 --> 00:00:09,663 Ah-ha! 4 00:00:09,729 --> 00:00:11,365 (burps) 5 00:00:11,432 --> 00:00:13,469 ♪ ♪ 6 00:00:19,248 --> 00:00:22,487 ANNOUNCER: Tonight on Million Dollar Listing: Springfield. 7 00:00:22,555 --> 00:00:23,924 ♪ Fabulous ♪ 8 00:00:23,991 --> 00:00:25,393 ♪ Fa-fabulous ♪ 9 00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:27,230 ♪ Fabulous ♪ 10 00:00:27,297 --> 00:00:29,736 ♪ Fa-fabulous ♪ 11 00:00:29,803 --> 00:00:30,805 ♪ Fabulous ♪ 12 00:00:30,871 --> 00:00:32,207 ♪ Fa-fa-fabulous. ♪ 13 00:00:32,307 --> 00:00:34,278 ANNOUNCER: We once again have only 14 00:00:34,345 --> 00:00:36,182 one house in this whole town 15 00:00:36,282 --> 00:00:37,585 worth a million dollars. 16 00:00:37,652 --> 00:00:39,488 I keep telling you, I don't want to sell. 17 00:00:39,589 --> 00:00:41,593 This area has a great school system 18 00:00:41,693 --> 00:00:44,531 and I'm thinking of starting a family. 19 00:00:44,566 --> 00:00:47,772 My children, fight each other to the death for my love. 20 00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:49,141 (Burns chuckling) 21 00:00:49,208 --> 00:00:50,343 - (chainsaw revs) - (thuds) 22 00:00:50,410 --> 00:00:51,813 I'm here in the sculpture garden, 23 00:00:51,913 --> 00:00:53,684 and we can't keep the buyers away. 24 00:00:53,751 --> 00:00:56,623 Maybe it's the fresh-baked morphine cookies. 25 00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:59,663 (zombie-like voices): Open concept dungeon, 26 00:00:59,729 --> 00:01:01,365 four panic rooms, 27 00:01:01,465 --> 00:01:04,204 hot and cold running oxygen. 28 00:01:04,271 --> 00:01:07,110 (laughs) Good old reality TV. 29 00:01:07,144 --> 00:01:09,716 Snappy editing, no content. 30 00:01:09,816 --> 00:01:10,985 ♪ ♪ 31 00:01:11,052 --> 00:01:12,689 ANNOUNCER: Homer. 32 00:01:13,958 --> 00:01:15,226 ♪ ♪ 33 00:01:15,327 --> 00:01:17,297 ANNOUNCER: Marge. 34 00:01:17,397 --> 00:01:19,134 (grunts) 35 00:01:20,938 --> 00:01:23,711 - (creaking) - (grunts) 36 00:01:24,713 --> 00:01:25,781 What the...? 37 00:01:25,881 --> 00:01:29,455 I'm hosting book club tonight, and I was thinking, 38 00:01:29,521 --> 00:01:32,127 maybe you'd like to go to Moe's until we're done. 39 00:01:32,194 --> 00:01:33,697 You want me to go to Moe's? 40 00:01:33,764 --> 00:01:34,733 I do. 41 00:01:34,833 --> 00:01:36,135 (whoops) How drunk can I get? 42 00:01:36,202 --> 00:01:37,705 Stinking or falling down? 43 00:01:37,772 --> 00:01:39,408 Uh, how about "sociable"? 44 00:01:39,508 --> 00:01:41,713 What I'm hearing is wedding drunk. 45 00:01:41,813 --> 00:01:43,851 Wedding drunk, cash bar. 46 00:01:43,917 --> 00:01:45,220 - Fine. - (grunts) 47 00:01:45,286 --> 00:01:47,692 So, who liked the book? 48 00:01:48,493 --> 00:01:52,467 Not me. It was a farewell to my Saturday. 49 00:01:52,568 --> 00:01:53,604 Aw. 50 00:01:53,737 --> 00:01:55,574 Hemingway is so clichéd. 51 00:01:55,675 --> 00:01:58,580 This book about Italian ambulance drivers was... 52 00:01:58,681 --> 00:02:01,753 (imitating siren): ...boring, boring, boring. 53 00:02:01,820 --> 00:02:05,193 There wasn't enough smoking in it for me. 54 00:02:05,995 --> 00:02:07,297 May I speak mah piece? 55 00:02:07,364 --> 00:02:09,268 What's your problem, Daisy May? 56 00:02:09,334 --> 00:02:11,707 Couldn't make it through the audiobook? 57 00:02:11,740 --> 00:02:13,276 (laughs sarcastically) 58 00:02:13,342 --> 00:02:16,015 Well, ah thinks it's a classic of style 59 00:02:16,082 --> 00:02:19,455 that's more than a war story and more than a love story. 60 00:02:19,521 --> 00:02:21,626 With deceptively simple prose 61 00:02:21,727 --> 00:02:24,733 as lean and sturdy as a half-ton marlin. 62 00:02:27,104 --> 00:02:28,272 I-I mean... 63 00:02:28,373 --> 00:02:32,180 my eyes was bewitchefied with all them squiggels and squirms. 64 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:33,784 (chuckles weakly) 65 00:02:33,851 --> 00:02:35,721 Well... I-I best git. 66 00:02:35,788 --> 00:02:38,493 (chuckles) I left all my kids with a nanny. 67 00:02:43,570 --> 00:02:44,538 (bleats) 68 00:02:44,606 --> 00:02:46,208 BRANDINE: You free Saturday? 69 00:02:47,812 --> 00:02:49,916 Then, the hillbilly woman made a comment 70 00:02:50,016 --> 00:02:51,953 that was profound and insightful. 71 00:02:52,020 --> 00:02:53,423 She's secretly smart. 72 00:02:53,489 --> 00:02:57,464 Uh, Helen, please do not gossip in church. 73 00:02:59,869 --> 00:03:02,340 Did you hear about Brandine? 74 00:03:02,407 --> 00:03:05,213 Well, it would be nice to hear something other than 75 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:07,517 "Let me go, I have a family." 76 00:03:07,585 --> 00:03:09,254 Well, I tried "you're under arrest," 77 00:03:09,321 --> 00:03:10,724 but you just laughed. 78 00:03:10,825 --> 00:03:13,029 We got some nice wigglers. 79 00:03:13,096 --> 00:03:15,400 They pair well with a hook. 80 00:03:15,467 --> 00:03:19,241 Mm, I'll take a box of Napa Valley reds. 81 00:03:19,976 --> 00:03:20,911 Hey, Spuckler. 82 00:03:20,978 --> 00:03:22,648 I just want to warn you. 83 00:03:22,749 --> 00:03:25,755 Your wife isn't the woman you think she is. 84 00:03:25,821 --> 00:03:27,491 Just what does you mean? 85 00:03:27,592 --> 00:03:30,296 She's smart. Jeopardy smart. 86 00:03:30,363 --> 00:03:31,933 Celebrity Jeopardy!? 87 00:03:32,033 --> 00:03:33,871 Regular Jeopardy. 88 00:03:33,937 --> 00:03:35,608 Ahh! 89 00:03:35,708 --> 00:03:38,446 You do not tell a man he don't know his wife. 90 00:03:38,479 --> 00:03:40,684 That's like telling a man his gun's not loaded. 91 00:03:40,751 --> 00:03:44,692 You let him find that out at the worst possible time. 92 00:03:44,793 --> 00:03:46,028 Well, you should know. 93 00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:49,736 When your wife left the book club, she dropped this. 94 00:03:49,803 --> 00:03:51,873 (banjo plucks opening to Beethoven's Symphony No. 5) 95 00:03:51,973 --> 00:03:55,781 (gasps) Liberry has two R's? 96 00:03:55,881 --> 00:03:58,921 - Your bait, sir. - You just keep your worms. 97 00:03:58,987 --> 00:04:01,560 I gots me bigger fish to fry. 98 00:04:01,693 --> 00:04:03,597 Go on, git. 99 00:04:03,697 --> 00:04:04,966 (sniffles) 100 00:04:04,999 --> 00:04:07,839 What a senseless waste of worms. 101 00:04:08,841 --> 00:04:11,378 Men receiving credit for women's work in science 102 00:04:11,445 --> 00:04:13,684 has been dubbed "The Matilda Effect," 103 00:04:13,784 --> 00:04:16,322 with such victims as Lise Meitner, 104 00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:19,996 Rosalind Franklin, and Jocelyn Bell Burnell. 105 00:04:20,096 --> 00:04:23,169 How many pumpkin stickers will it take for you to stop? 106 00:04:23,269 --> 00:04:24,873 Here, have the whole sheet. 107 00:04:24,939 --> 00:04:26,375 This is really important. 108 00:04:26,442 --> 00:04:28,312 Each of these heroines was nonplussed 109 00:04:28,379 --> 00:04:30,183 at their lack of recognition and... 110 00:04:30,250 --> 00:04:31,418 Sorry, Lisa. 111 00:04:31,519 --> 00:04:33,924 I don't think you're using that word correctly. 112 00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:35,961 Nonplussed? Ha. 113 00:04:36,028 --> 00:04:37,464 I'm pretty sure I am. 114 00:04:37,565 --> 00:04:40,638 It means perplexed. 115 00:04:40,771 --> 00:04:42,742 (mutters softly) 116 00:04:42,808 --> 00:04:43,810 (grunts) 117 00:04:43,911 --> 00:04:44,712 It does. 118 00:04:44,812 --> 00:04:46,950 As in, "The teacher was nonplussed 119 00:04:47,017 --> 00:04:48,720 by the impudence of a student." 120 00:04:48,787 --> 00:04:51,593 When I grow up, I want to be a big word. 121 00:04:51,660 --> 00:04:54,364 Lisa, you get in the back of the class and keep quiet. 122 00:04:54,464 --> 00:04:55,601 Do I get an "A"? 123 00:04:55,668 --> 00:04:57,838 An "A" for "aggravation." 124 00:04:57,905 --> 00:05:00,143 (whoops) An A's an A! 125 00:05:00,210 --> 00:05:01,880 (grunts) 126 00:05:04,619 --> 00:05:06,857 ♪ ♪ 127 00:05:07,892 --> 00:05:09,127 Cletus, darling, 128 00:05:09,194 --> 00:05:10,496 I-I made your favorite. 129 00:05:10,564 --> 00:05:14,071 Sorry, but I'm in no mood for porcu-pie right now. 130 00:05:14,137 --> 00:05:16,041 Brandine, tell me true. 131 00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:17,879 Are you actually smart? 132 00:05:17,979 --> 00:05:21,953 Have all your yups just being yeses in disguise? 133 00:05:22,053 --> 00:05:24,224 Aw, don't be silly. (chuckles) 134 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,228 Why? The only three R's I know 135 00:05:26,328 --> 00:05:29,067 are racoons, Red Bull and the rhythm method. 136 00:05:31,472 --> 00:05:34,011 Please, I needs to know. 137 00:05:34,077 --> 00:05:36,883 Brandine, who is you? 138 00:05:36,950 --> 00:05:38,452 (sighs) 139 00:05:39,722 --> 00:05:43,029 Darling, I'm afraid I'm guilty of concealing 140 00:05:43,129 --> 00:05:45,734 a significant self-improvement. 141 00:05:45,801 --> 00:05:47,103 Guh-wha? 142 00:05:47,170 --> 00:05:50,310 It started a few years back with some books I read 143 00:05:50,343 --> 00:05:52,347 that fell off a passing tornado. 144 00:05:52,447 --> 00:05:54,084 (cow lowing) 145 00:05:54,151 --> 00:05:58,560 It was like entering a universe I never knew existed. 146 00:05:58,660 --> 00:05:59,796 I went to the ballet. 147 00:05:59,896 --> 00:06:02,133 ("Swan Lake Theme" by Tchaikovsky playing) 148 00:06:05,908 --> 00:06:08,379 And I completed my self-education 149 00:06:08,512 --> 00:06:10,316 at the Springfield Athenaeum. 150 00:06:10,416 --> 00:06:12,387 - The what? - Athenaeum. 151 00:06:12,487 --> 00:06:14,157 - The what? - Museum. 152 00:06:14,224 --> 00:06:16,528 - The what? - Pica-ture palace. 153 00:06:16,630 --> 00:06:18,700 Got it. Oh, good lordy. 154 00:06:18,767 --> 00:06:21,372 I'm starting to worry there's more layers to you 155 00:06:21,438 --> 00:06:23,577 than a skunk and tomater sandwich. 156 00:06:23,644 --> 00:06:24,779 Brandine, I'm sorry. 157 00:06:24,879 --> 00:06:27,885 But I-I can't have a stranger as my woman. 158 00:06:27,985 --> 00:06:29,121 Remember your vow. 159 00:06:29,221 --> 00:06:33,529 You promised to love, honor, and never grow in any way. 160 00:06:33,630 --> 00:06:35,366 Well, you're right about that. 161 00:06:35,433 --> 00:06:37,037 (sobs) I'll leave now, 162 00:06:37,070 --> 00:06:39,408 but I'll be back for most of the children. 163 00:06:39,474 --> 00:06:40,778 That's fair enough. 164 00:06:40,844 --> 00:06:43,215 All right, which ones of y'all want to stay with me? 165 00:06:43,349 --> 00:06:47,123 And remember, you go with her-- you gots to wash your hands. 166 00:06:47,223 --> 00:06:49,194 Whoa, you mean like every week? 167 00:06:49,261 --> 00:06:50,564 - Sorry, Ma. - Can't do it. 168 00:06:50,664 --> 00:06:52,334 Say bye-bye to your mama. 169 00:06:52,434 --> 00:06:56,375 Or would you prefer a "bon voyage"? 170 00:06:56,442 --> 00:06:57,878 Cletus Delroy Spuckler, 171 00:06:57,945 --> 00:07:01,251 you are lower than a gopher's basement. Goodbye. 172 00:07:01,318 --> 00:07:03,690 (sniffs) Young'uns, turn away 173 00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:06,095 if you don't want to see your daddy cry. 174 00:07:06,195 --> 00:07:07,565 We've seen you cry. 175 00:07:07,665 --> 00:07:10,269 But we've never seen you yodel. 176 00:07:10,336 --> 00:07:12,073 All right, then. 177 00:07:12,173 --> 00:07:15,079 (yodels sadly) 178 00:07:19,622 --> 00:07:21,593 - (doorbell rings) - Brandine! 179 00:07:21,726 --> 00:07:24,297 Are you here for further book club discussions? 180 00:07:24,398 --> 00:07:26,803 I'm here because I got nowhere else to go. 181 00:07:26,870 --> 00:07:28,539 I've been rejected by a man 182 00:07:28,607 --> 00:07:30,978 who thinks it's funny to light his farts. 183 00:07:31,078 --> 00:07:34,317 - You can light them? - No, Homer, no! 184 00:07:34,451 --> 00:07:35,754 BART: Hey, whoa! 185 00:07:35,821 --> 00:07:36,923 Wasn't me. 186 00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:39,161 (sighs) 187 00:07:39,227 --> 00:07:42,100 Ms. Spuckler? I brought some books you might like. 188 00:07:43,069 --> 00:07:44,404 You're a smart girl, Lisa. 189 00:07:44,438 --> 00:07:48,379 Which means life will be harder than a month-old biscuit. 190 00:07:48,479 --> 00:07:49,381 (exclaims happily) 191 00:07:49,481 --> 00:07:50,651 Oh... 192 00:07:52,053 --> 00:07:54,358 So, about Cletus, um... 193 00:07:54,424 --> 00:07:56,996 I just have to ask, sorry. 194 00:07:57,063 --> 00:07:59,969 - what do you see in him? - What do you mean? 195 00:08:00,036 --> 00:08:03,844 Don't you think maybe you could've done, um, better? 196 00:08:03,910 --> 00:08:07,350 You mean, like you could've done better than Homer? 197 00:08:07,450 --> 00:08:09,689 What? What? 198 00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:10,958 What? 199 00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:13,997 People think I could've done better than Homer? 200 00:08:14,064 --> 00:08:15,734 ALL (loudly): Yes. 201 00:08:16,335 --> 00:08:17,938 (Marge gasps) 202 00:08:17,972 --> 00:08:18,974 (gasps loudly) 203 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:22,080 I never knew anyone felt that way. 204 00:08:22,180 --> 00:08:23,884 Reality check in aisle five. 205 00:08:23,984 --> 00:08:26,756 Disco Stu needs to buy some glue. 206 00:08:26,856 --> 00:08:29,729 Also, Marge, please get a clue. 207 00:08:30,631 --> 00:08:32,635 Enough. Enough. 208 00:08:32,735 --> 00:08:34,739 I'll tell you how I fell for Cletus. 209 00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,776 It was one of those magical nights 210 00:08:36,910 --> 00:08:40,349 when the world was young and everything was golden, 211 00:08:40,416 --> 00:08:41,820 including his tooth. 212 00:08:41,886 --> 00:08:44,057 ("Winter" by Vivaldi playing) 213 00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:46,395 We were seated at the same hay bale 214 00:08:46,495 --> 00:08:49,468 at my sister's shotgun wedding. 215 00:08:49,534 --> 00:08:52,708 - Um, is this bale six? - It is. 216 00:08:52,775 --> 00:08:55,513 Do you ever look at someone across a crowded pasture 217 00:08:55,581 --> 00:08:57,250 and your knees went all weak? 218 00:08:57,350 --> 00:09:00,557 Not from rickets or scurvy, but from sheer infatuation? 219 00:09:00,624 --> 00:09:04,464 Oh, I ransacked my brain for le mot juste, 220 00:09:04,565 --> 00:09:06,135 but all I could find was... 221 00:09:06,268 --> 00:09:07,303 Derr. 222 00:09:07,370 --> 00:09:09,441 Derr yourself. 223 00:09:09,508 --> 00:09:10,677 BRANDINE: In that moment, 224 00:09:10,744 --> 00:09:13,215 twenty years of being the middle child 225 00:09:13,315 --> 00:09:14,819 in a family of 37 226 00:09:14,919 --> 00:09:18,459 fell away like high-heeled shoes on a wedding night. 227 00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:21,566 Uh, you know, I'm pretty sure we's cousins. 228 00:09:21,666 --> 00:09:24,304 Second? First? 229 00:09:24,404 --> 00:09:25,808 Kissing. 230 00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:27,076 Aww. 231 00:09:27,143 --> 00:09:29,214 ♪ ♪ 232 00:09:33,723 --> 00:09:36,094 You ever driven a tractor before? 233 00:09:36,161 --> 00:09:37,565 No, sir. 234 00:09:37,631 --> 00:09:39,635 These blades massage the soil 235 00:09:39,735 --> 00:09:43,175 to make it ready for what is sure to follow. 236 00:09:43,242 --> 00:09:44,846 Churn that soil. 237 00:09:44,946 --> 00:09:47,450 Churning. Always a-churning. 238 00:09:47,517 --> 00:09:52,661 Until you just plant that seed in there real deep. (whoops) 239 00:09:52,728 --> 00:09:54,799 You do this with all your dates? 240 00:09:54,866 --> 00:09:58,372 Now, if I did, don't you think this field would be plowed? 241 00:09:58,439 --> 00:10:01,245 This is just for you, darling. 242 00:10:01,311 --> 00:10:02,648 Mmm. (giggles) 243 00:10:02,715 --> 00:10:05,086 You're ruining my marijuana! 244 00:10:05,119 --> 00:10:09,227 BRANDINE: That night, I knew the next shotgun wedding I went to 245 00:10:09,327 --> 00:10:11,265 was gonna be mine. 246 00:10:11,331 --> 00:10:13,135 ALL: Aww. 247 00:10:13,202 --> 00:10:15,206 ♪ ♪ 248 00:10:21,653 --> 00:10:25,126 Oh, look who it is, Little Miss Google Noodle. 249 00:10:25,226 --> 00:10:26,028 This isn't fair. 250 00:10:26,161 --> 00:10:28,399 There's four times as many of you. 251 00:10:28,499 --> 00:10:31,538 She's trying to teach us to multiply. 252 00:10:31,639 --> 00:10:32,540 Get her! 253 00:10:32,608 --> 00:10:34,812 ♪ ♪ 254 00:10:50,276 --> 00:10:51,345 MYLES: Yoink. 255 00:10:52,781 --> 00:10:54,552 LISA: Hello? What is this? 256 00:10:54,685 --> 00:10:56,521 Fight over who beats me up first? 257 00:10:56,623 --> 00:10:58,627 BOY: Someone's nonplussed. 258 00:10:58,693 --> 00:11:00,731 (gasps) Correct usage. 259 00:11:00,831 --> 00:11:01,866 Are you a real kid 260 00:11:01,933 --> 00:11:04,371 or did the voice in my head come to life? 261 00:11:05,273 --> 00:11:06,508 Lisa Simpson, 262 00:11:06,576 --> 00:11:08,245 I'd like to modestly ask you 263 00:11:08,312 --> 00:11:11,084 to join our League of Extraordinary Geniuses. 264 00:11:11,184 --> 00:11:14,391 (Piano Sonata No. 14 by Beethoven playing) 265 00:11:20,771 --> 00:11:22,273 A club for smart kids? 266 00:11:22,340 --> 00:11:25,814 But I've never noticed any other names on the online honor roll. 267 00:11:25,881 --> 00:11:27,417 And I refresh it hourly. 268 00:11:27,517 --> 00:11:29,755 We hide in the shadows. 269 00:11:29,855 --> 00:11:33,462 Which is scary, so we bring little flashlights. 270 00:11:33,563 --> 00:11:35,266 Eh, just you, Myles. 271 00:11:35,333 --> 00:11:36,368 Ah! 272 00:11:36,435 --> 00:11:37,938 MYLES: To avoid suspicion, 273 00:11:37,972 --> 00:11:40,744 we figured out how to be good at sports. 274 00:11:50,697 --> 00:11:52,701 TOBY: We don't wear our glasses, 275 00:11:52,768 --> 00:11:54,739 even though we really need them. 276 00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:59,180 Hold on. That food is not fit for students. 277 00:12:01,051 --> 00:12:04,190 Starve a landfill, feed a teacher. 278 00:12:04,992 --> 00:12:07,665 So you pretend to be dumb? 279 00:12:07,731 --> 00:12:09,602 Absolutely. To survive. 280 00:12:09,702 --> 00:12:12,975 Like a brightly-colored bug who is actually poison inside. 281 00:12:13,042 --> 00:12:15,513 The Dasymutilla Occidentalis? 282 00:12:15,580 --> 00:12:17,317 Don't tell anyone you know that. 283 00:12:17,417 --> 00:12:19,956 If you do, the bullies will pounce on you like an... 284 00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:21,626 Arilus Cristatus? 285 00:12:21,726 --> 00:12:24,765 Arilus Cristatus? Who said that? 286 00:12:24,865 --> 00:12:26,301 - Ar... - Shh. Quiet. 287 00:12:26,401 --> 00:12:31,044 Name one more genus and species and you will be silenced. 288 00:12:32,013 --> 00:12:34,217 Engage the Idiot Shield. 289 00:12:34,317 --> 00:12:37,691 (on TV): Wheel. Of. Fortune. 290 00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:39,962 Wheel of Fortune's on. Let's get home. 291 00:12:42,868 --> 00:12:44,304 And that's how I realized 292 00:12:44,337 --> 00:12:47,076 wheelchair ramps are bitching skateboard jumps. 293 00:12:47,176 --> 00:12:49,381 Thanks, Americans with Disabilities Act. 294 00:12:49,414 --> 00:12:50,684 (laughing) 295 00:12:50,784 --> 00:12:53,389 (sighs) I miss my rotten little apples. 296 00:12:53,455 --> 00:12:57,063 Especially the babies: Moderna, AstraZeneca, 297 00:12:57,096 --> 00:12:59,802 and the twins, Johnson & Johnson. 298 00:12:59,902 --> 00:13:01,238 Well, I just wanted to say, 299 00:13:01,304 --> 00:13:04,277 this is the best possum potpie I ever had. 300 00:13:04,377 --> 00:13:05,981 I know what you're thinking, Lisa. 301 00:13:06,048 --> 00:13:08,018 But if God didn't want us to eat possums, 302 00:13:08,085 --> 00:13:10,423 he wouldn't have made them look so delicious. 303 00:13:10,489 --> 00:13:13,429 I'm just thinking about a club I may join at school. 304 00:13:13,495 --> 00:13:15,567 This one recruited me. 305 00:13:15,634 --> 00:13:17,671 Aw, that's wonderful. 306 00:13:17,738 --> 00:13:20,443 And Maggie, how was your day? 307 00:13:21,746 --> 00:13:23,683 (crying) 308 00:13:23,783 --> 00:13:26,121 I feel so bad for Brandine. 309 00:13:26,221 --> 00:13:28,525 Homie, will you go talk to Cletus? 310 00:13:28,593 --> 00:13:30,630 For you, baby, anything. 311 00:13:30,697 --> 00:13:31,733 (clicks) 312 00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:35,539 Sorry. I didn't fix the light switch like you asked me to. 313 00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:37,443 Well, maybe tomorrow? 314 00:13:37,543 --> 00:13:39,514 For sure maybe. 315 00:13:39,582 --> 00:13:43,122 Homer, do you think people look at us and say, 316 00:13:43,222 --> 00:13:45,927 "Why does she stay with him?" 317 00:13:47,096 --> 00:13:48,098 Why does she stay with him? 318 00:13:48,165 --> 00:13:51,338 Lord, why does she stay with him? 319 00:13:51,471 --> 00:13:52,841 DUFFMAN: Oh, yeah! 320 00:13:52,908 --> 00:13:54,879 Why does Mommy stay with... 321 00:13:54,979 --> 00:13:56,081 (muffled) 322 00:13:56,181 --> 00:13:58,252 Don't tell her you can talk. 323 00:13:58,318 --> 00:14:00,924 I don't think I could've done better, 324 00:14:00,991 --> 00:14:03,897 but it seems every other person in town thinks so. 325 00:14:03,997 --> 00:14:06,334 You're not going to listen to everybody, are you? 326 00:14:06,401 --> 00:14:07,738 No, I'm not. 327 00:14:07,838 --> 00:14:09,541 Just hang the blanket over the window 328 00:14:09,608 --> 00:14:10,911 so I can get to sleep. 329 00:14:11,011 --> 00:14:12,581 We don't have to do that anymore 330 00:14:12,681 --> 00:14:14,885 because I fixed the blinds. 331 00:14:14,952 --> 00:14:17,356 (thudding) 332 00:14:19,094 --> 00:14:21,131 Ooh, a shooting star. 333 00:14:21,198 --> 00:14:22,768 That's the water heater. 334 00:14:22,835 --> 00:14:23,803 (shrieks) 335 00:14:23,903 --> 00:14:25,539 Cletus, you and Brandine have 336 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:27,009 to get back together. 337 00:14:27,110 --> 00:14:29,013 Broken marriages are contagious. 338 00:14:29,114 --> 00:14:32,420 This is not about if'n or not I love Brandine. I do! 339 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:35,493 But she refused to tell me who she was. 340 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:39,033 Does she now think hill folk are a-a joke? 341 00:14:39,167 --> 00:14:41,104 Well, some of it's funny. 342 00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:43,877 I mean, that long underwear with the back door for the butt? 343 00:14:43,977 --> 00:14:45,614 When it flaps open... 344 00:14:45,714 --> 00:14:47,684 (cackling) 345 00:14:48,653 --> 00:14:51,057 I mean, come on. (laughing) 346 00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:53,128 You just follow me. 347 00:14:54,063 --> 00:14:55,499 - (Homer chuckles) - Aw, sheet. 348 00:14:56,769 --> 00:14:59,374 ♪ ♪ 349 00:15:00,242 --> 00:15:02,213 Brandine didn't just lie to me. 350 00:15:02,313 --> 00:15:04,083 What she done is made a mockery 351 00:15:04,150 --> 00:15:08,459 of my forebearers who possibly did include four bears. 352 00:15:08,525 --> 00:15:11,431 I want you to look at me not as a hick, or a bumpkin, 353 00:15:11,498 --> 00:15:13,770 but as a human being. With feelings. 354 00:15:13,837 --> 00:15:15,039 Just like you. 355 00:15:17,109 --> 00:15:19,280 Oh, my God. You're right. 356 00:15:19,414 --> 00:15:20,349 (grunts) 357 00:15:20,416 --> 00:15:22,186 I don't know how to feel right now. 358 00:15:22,253 --> 00:15:23,690 I'm worried about your marriage. 359 00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:25,594 I'm worried about my marriage. 360 00:15:25,660 --> 00:15:27,263 Homer, no matter how you feel, 361 00:15:27,363 --> 00:15:31,004 there's a country song that expresses it perfectly. 362 00:15:32,641 --> 00:15:34,979 No, that's not quite it. 363 00:15:36,949 --> 00:15:38,485 Here we go. 364 00:15:40,456 --> 00:15:44,297 - It's like they're singing just to me. - (country music playing) 365 00:15:44,364 --> 00:15:47,036 ♪ Marge could've done better ♪ 366 00:15:47,069 --> 00:15:50,276 ♪ Yes, she could, yes, she could ♪ 367 00:15:50,342 --> 00:15:53,081 ♪ She regrets the day you met her ♪ 368 00:15:53,182 --> 00:15:56,288 ♪ Yes, she does, yes, she does ♪ 369 00:15:56,388 --> 00:15:59,427 ♪ She just realized you're no good ♪ 370 00:15:59,527 --> 00:16:03,435 ♪ Yes, she did, what took so long? ♪ 371 00:16:03,535 --> 00:16:06,508 (sobbing): Oh, why is it so catchy? 372 00:16:06,609 --> 00:16:08,278 (crying) 373 00:16:08,345 --> 00:16:11,919 (singing along): ♪ She just realized you're no good ♪ 374 00:16:12,019 --> 00:16:15,259 ♪ Yes, she did, what took so long? ♪ 375 00:16:18,332 --> 00:16:20,704 (crying) 376 00:16:25,312 --> 00:16:27,316 ("Swan Lake Theme" by Tchaikovsky playing) 377 00:16:30,122 --> 00:16:31,057 Are you leaving? 378 00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:32,694 I'm going home. 379 00:16:32,761 --> 00:16:34,063 Marriages aren't perfect. 380 00:16:34,130 --> 00:16:38,205 I've even forgiven him for blowing a jug in his sleep. 381 00:16:38,305 --> 00:16:40,542 - (jug vibrating softly) - (groans) 382 00:16:41,979 --> 00:16:44,083 Well, that's great, because my new friends 383 00:16:44,183 --> 00:16:45,820 have given me the same tip. 384 00:16:45,887 --> 00:16:47,356 "Hide your intelligence." 385 00:16:47,423 --> 00:16:50,462 No, not you. You're too young. 386 00:16:50,529 --> 00:16:52,801 You have everything ahead of you. 387 00:16:52,868 --> 00:16:54,805 Show 'em how smart you are. 388 00:16:54,872 --> 00:16:56,341 - Really? - A-yup. 389 00:16:56,408 --> 00:16:59,180 You hear that, brain? You're free. 390 00:16:59,247 --> 00:17:01,217 Veni, vidi, vici! 391 00:17:01,284 --> 00:17:03,455 Whoa, slow down there, poindexter. 392 00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:05,794 ("Goodbye Time" by Conway Twitty playing) 393 00:17:08,766 --> 00:17:12,239 ♪ You say you need a change ♪ 394 00:17:16,181 --> 00:17:18,686 ♪ Don't all the dreams ♪ 395 00:17:18,786 --> 00:17:22,159 ♪ We've seen come true ♪ 396 00:17:23,730 --> 00:17:25,767 ♪ Mean anything? ♪ 397 00:17:29,775 --> 00:17:31,077 (indistinct chatter) 398 00:17:31,177 --> 00:17:33,081 Attention. I have some announcements 399 00:17:33,148 --> 00:17:34,417 regarding the cafeteria menu. 400 00:17:34,484 --> 00:17:36,321 Several items are misspelled. 401 00:17:36,354 --> 00:17:38,358 "Gren beans" should be green beans. 402 00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:40,329 "Tater tats" are tater tots. 403 00:17:40,429 --> 00:17:41,999 "Healthy" should be not healthy. 404 00:17:42,099 --> 00:17:44,304 - Also... - (indistinct chatter) 405 00:17:44,370 --> 00:17:46,842 You have to listen. I'm wearing a necktie. 406 00:17:46,942 --> 00:17:48,011 (chattering continues) 407 00:17:48,111 --> 00:17:50,215 I am not bemused. 408 00:17:51,051 --> 00:17:53,322 Uh, excuse me, Principal Skinner? 409 00:17:53,388 --> 00:17:55,192 Uh, I just wanted to say 410 00:17:55,292 --> 00:17:57,965 that I think you meant you are not "amused"? 411 00:17:58,065 --> 00:17:59,868 "Bemused" means bewildered. 412 00:17:59,935 --> 00:18:01,137 What is she doing? 413 00:18:01,204 --> 00:18:03,943 Revealing her intellect. Oh, the fool. 414 00:18:04,043 --> 00:18:07,551 This isn't a magnet school. We don't even own a magnet. 415 00:18:07,617 --> 00:18:10,522 (chuckles) That's because I swallowed it. 416 00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:12,493 (grunts) 417 00:18:12,561 --> 00:18:15,633 Never again will I hide my intelligence. 418 00:18:15,700 --> 00:18:18,405 I am smartacus. 419 00:18:19,608 --> 00:18:21,545 I am smartacus. 420 00:18:21,646 --> 00:18:24,517 Unsurprisingly, I also am smartacus. 421 00:18:24,652 --> 00:18:29,427 I am smartacus. Well, sort of smartacus. 422 00:18:29,494 --> 00:18:32,299 Well, perfect attendacus. 423 00:18:32,366 --> 00:18:34,237 Sitting downacus. 424 00:18:36,041 --> 00:18:37,577 SKINNER: It's time to squelch this wave 425 00:18:37,678 --> 00:18:38,780 of love of learning 426 00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:40,015 and show them who's boss. 427 00:18:40,115 --> 00:18:41,719 They are, loser. 428 00:18:41,786 --> 00:18:43,756 I declare half a day. 429 00:18:43,856 --> 00:18:45,492 Still too much. 430 00:18:45,593 --> 00:18:47,129 Okay, no day. 431 00:18:47,263 --> 00:18:48,566 (cheering) 432 00:18:48,633 --> 00:18:51,037 Who wants their lunch money back? 433 00:18:51,171 --> 00:18:54,210 Not me. It's fish stick day. 434 00:18:55,446 --> 00:18:57,718 This is it, Brandine. Kill your brain. 435 00:18:57,818 --> 00:18:58,720 Take your medicine. 436 00:18:58,820 --> 00:19:00,590 ALL: Mama! 437 00:19:00,690 --> 00:19:02,193 Oh, hi, kids. 438 00:19:02,293 --> 00:19:05,232 (chuckles) Look at how some of you have grown. 439 00:19:05,265 --> 00:19:06,334 Where's your pap? 440 00:19:06,401 --> 00:19:08,372 He's been doing a lot of thinking. 441 00:19:08,438 --> 00:19:12,146 About you and him. Can't go on like it has. 442 00:19:12,213 --> 00:19:14,283 He said he's going to a govement building 443 00:19:14,350 --> 00:19:17,223 to get something so he can start a new life. 444 00:19:17,289 --> 00:19:19,193 No. I got to stop him. 445 00:19:19,293 --> 00:19:20,630 - It's too late. - Wha...? 446 00:19:20,697 --> 00:19:21,866 Signed and sealed. 447 00:19:21,932 --> 00:19:25,607 I got me a liberry card. 448 00:19:25,673 --> 00:19:27,811 ♪ ♪ 449 00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:30,884 Oh, Cletus. 450 00:19:32,019 --> 00:19:33,623 And my first book. 451 00:19:34,658 --> 00:19:37,029 Yeah, man, this looks like a toughie. 452 00:19:37,163 --> 00:19:39,635 We'll get through it together. 453 00:19:41,672 --> 00:19:44,645 - Homie? - Marge, never again will I be the guy 454 00:19:44,745 --> 00:19:47,416 about who people say, "Why is she still with him?" 455 00:19:47,483 --> 00:19:50,222 I fixed the drapes. And the light switch. 456 00:19:50,322 --> 00:19:52,961 - (clicking) - Oh, nice. 457 00:19:53,061 --> 00:19:54,330 But you'll have to do more than that. 458 00:19:54,397 --> 00:19:58,071 I also cleaned the lint trap in the dryer. 459 00:19:58,171 --> 00:19:59,540 (meows) 460 00:19:59,608 --> 00:20:00,710 And? 461 00:20:00,777 --> 00:20:01,912 Four things? 462 00:20:01,979 --> 00:20:03,381 Okay, Marge. I admit it. 463 00:20:03,482 --> 00:20:06,221 You could do better, but I couldn't. 464 00:20:06,354 --> 00:20:09,293 Every day you give me something awesome to shoot for. 465 00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:11,866 Though I may occasionally fall short, 466 00:20:11,932 --> 00:20:15,940 because you are so great, I will never stop trying. 467 00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:17,276 I love you, Marge. 468 00:20:17,376 --> 00:20:19,748 I love you, too. 469 00:20:21,752 --> 00:20:23,890 Finally, just in case I needed it. 470 00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:25,827 I got Elton John back. 471 00:20:25,927 --> 00:20:29,000 And he's here, ready to play for you again. 472 00:20:30,169 --> 00:20:33,475 Oh, Homie. I never needed that. 473 00:20:33,576 --> 00:20:34,845 (kisses) 474 00:20:34,945 --> 00:20:38,719 You mean I learned 226 songs for nothing? 475 00:20:38,786 --> 00:20:41,725 I don't think they'll be needing you guys either. 476 00:20:41,792 --> 00:20:44,096 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 477 00:20:44,197 --> 00:20:45,900 (drumroll) 478 00:20:50,743 --> 00:20:51,812 ♪ ♪ 479 00:20:51,846 --> 00:20:53,248 I want to tell y'all 480 00:20:53,315 --> 00:20:54,852 about an American classic 481 00:20:54,918 --> 00:20:59,595 that details a wealthy lifestyle far beyond my reckoning. 482 00:20:59,661 --> 00:21:02,466 It's called The Grapes of Wrath. 483 00:21:02,533 --> 00:21:05,607 - It's about a middle- - American family what drives 484 00:21:05,673 --> 00:21:07,978 to California for a better life. 485 00:21:08,044 --> 00:21:10,583 For a much better treatment of this subject, 486 00:21:10,650 --> 00:21:14,658 I recommend National Lampoon's Vacation, 487 00:21:14,725 --> 00:21:17,931 now available on Hillbilly Plus. 488 00:21:18,031 --> 00:21:20,870 Y'all come back now, you hear? 489 00:21:20,937 --> 00:21:23,074 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 490 00:21:23,141 --> 00:21:24,745 FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 491 00:21:24,811 --> 00:21:26,782 And FORD. We go further, so you can. 492 00:21:26,849 --> 00:21:28,853 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 493 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:31,024 Shh!