1 00:00:06,557 --> 00:00:08,326 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:10,263 --> 00:00:13,169 Second grade is a turbulent time. 3 00:00:13,269 --> 00:00:15,575 In gym, I was given a "C" 4 00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:19,248 when I refused to play with the non-vegan football. 5 00:00:19,315 --> 00:00:22,054 And so, I was searching for meaning. 6 00:00:22,154 --> 00:00:23,791 And extra credit. 7 00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:28,634 I found it in the Future Nature Documentarian Day Camp. 8 00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:30,537 I knew two things going in. 9 00:00:30,605 --> 00:00:34,011 I would produce a three-minute documentary 10 00:00:34,111 --> 00:00:37,251 and lunch would not be provided. 11 00:00:37,384 --> 00:00:40,423 What I didn't know was that I would become friends 12 00:00:40,490 --> 00:00:43,329 with an eight-armed miracle. 13 00:00:43,429 --> 00:00:44,933 ♪ ♪ 14 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:49,308 At first, she was shy, like me. 15 00:00:49,375 --> 00:00:51,747 Unlike me, most of her brain cells 16 00:00:51,813 --> 00:00:53,884 are located in her tentacles. 17 00:00:54,018 --> 00:00:57,859 Which can smell, taste and even think. 18 00:00:58,827 --> 00:01:00,564 I named her Molly. 19 00:01:00,631 --> 00:01:03,971 She was the most fascinating creature. 20 00:01:04,071 --> 00:01:06,375 A master of camouflage. 21 00:01:08,847 --> 00:01:12,689 Her liquid body could slip into the tiniest spaces. 22 00:01:12,789 --> 00:01:14,458 MARGE: (gasps) A shark! 23 00:01:14,525 --> 00:01:17,464 Mom! I'm recording my voice-over. 24 00:01:17,531 --> 00:01:19,869 I wasn't expecting to see a shark. 25 00:01:19,903 --> 00:01:21,172 What if it bit you? 26 00:01:21,238 --> 00:01:23,076 Quick, let me do a finger count. 27 00:01:23,176 --> 00:01:26,082 It's a tiny shark. It's not dangerous to people. 28 00:01:26,215 --> 00:01:28,386 I don't like you hanging out with sharks. 29 00:01:28,486 --> 00:01:30,357 You should have land friends. 30 00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:31,593 Noted. 31 00:01:31,660 --> 00:01:36,268 Though Molly and I are both solitary creatures, 32 00:01:36,369 --> 00:01:39,141 - we forged a bond. - (camera shutter clicks) 33 00:01:39,241 --> 00:01:42,014 - Mom. - It's so cute. 34 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,451 SKINNER: Your résumé is impressive. 35 00:01:44,518 --> 00:01:45,453 Very impressive. 36 00:01:45,621 --> 00:01:48,159 You won the Tishman Prize for Classroom Excellence 37 00:01:48,226 --> 00:01:51,198 and the Fallberg Prize for Cloakroom Excellence. 38 00:01:51,298 --> 00:01:54,038 I invented a new coat hook. 39 00:01:54,071 --> 00:01:56,509 So, what brings you to Springfield? 40 00:01:56,610 --> 00:02:00,016 Oh, my husband was hired by the Springfield Symphony Orchestra. 41 00:02:00,083 --> 00:02:03,156 He's an oboist. He's not great. 42 00:02:03,222 --> 00:02:05,093 But that-that was unsupportive. 43 00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:07,330 He's good. Oboe is hard. 44 00:02:07,397 --> 00:02:10,571 See, for two years I taught in Ghana, 45 00:02:10,638 --> 00:02:14,211 which was so rewarding, but not so much for him. 46 00:02:14,278 --> 00:02:15,748 Ghana doesn't have an orchestra? 47 00:02:15,881 --> 00:02:18,554 Well, they do, but you have to be really good to play in it... 48 00:02:18,620 --> 00:02:21,225 Ooh, n-not that Springfield isn't good. 49 00:02:21,292 --> 00:02:26,235 It is a fine regional orchestra, and-and my husband 50 00:02:26,302 --> 00:02:28,473 fits right in. (laughs) 51 00:02:28,539 --> 00:02:30,678 Anyway, that's why we're here. 52 00:02:30,778 --> 00:02:33,984 Uh, uh, would you, uh, excuse us for one moment? 53 00:02:34,051 --> 00:02:36,322 Oh, uh, c-certainly. 54 00:02:38,092 --> 00:02:40,798 CHALMERS: Yes. An actual qualified teacher. 55 00:02:40,898 --> 00:02:44,037 SKINNER: And she's stuck here because her husband sucks at oboe. 56 00:02:44,138 --> 00:02:45,206 - CHALMERS: Ha! - SKINNER: Booyah! 57 00:02:45,306 --> 00:02:46,710 (clears throat) Um... 58 00:02:46,810 --> 00:02:49,549 obviously, we're meeting with other applicants... 59 00:02:49,616 --> 00:02:52,487 Of course, and I'm meeting with other schools. 60 00:02:52,521 --> 00:02:53,857 No! You're hired, you're hired. 61 00:02:53,957 --> 00:02:56,997 Here's a ninety, uh, three dollar signing bonus. 62 00:02:57,097 --> 00:02:58,600 And you can have his parking spot. 63 00:02:58,667 --> 00:03:01,706 I'll park at the yogurt place. They-they know me there. 64 00:03:04,044 --> 00:03:05,648 (gasps) 65 00:03:05,748 --> 00:03:07,484 Are-are you okay? 66 00:03:09,288 --> 00:03:11,192 Boys, meet your new teacher, Ms. Peyton. 67 00:03:11,258 --> 00:03:13,296 This is Nelson, Milhouse and... 68 00:03:13,362 --> 00:03:15,668 w-who is that behind that locker? 69 00:03:15,801 --> 00:03:17,037 Just me. Bart. 70 00:03:17,070 --> 00:03:19,208 Bart. Bart. (laughs) 71 00:03:19,308 --> 00:03:21,178 You know, like a seal? 72 00:03:21,245 --> 00:03:23,917 You look familiar. Have we met? 73 00:03:24,017 --> 00:03:25,855 (robotic): No! You are a stranger. 74 00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:30,497 Stranger, stranger, overheating alert, alert, alert. 75 00:03:30,598 --> 00:03:32,200 (high-pitched): Shutting down. Self-destruct. 76 00:03:32,267 --> 00:03:34,371 (imitates explosion, whistling) 77 00:03:38,714 --> 00:03:41,519 Bart had Skittles with milk for breakfast. 78 00:03:41,586 --> 00:03:44,859 I told him he couldn't handle the rainbow. 79 00:03:51,105 --> 00:03:53,242 I wanted to chase the shark away, 80 00:03:53,342 --> 00:03:57,250 but the documentarian oath is "never interfere." 81 00:03:57,317 --> 00:03:59,889 It's printed on the T-shirt. 82 00:04:01,125 --> 00:04:04,833 Molly tried to armor herself against the predator. 83 00:04:04,899 --> 00:04:06,502 But it wasn't enough. 84 00:04:06,603 --> 00:04:11,312 As a filmmaker, all I could do was watch in horror 85 00:04:11,378 --> 00:04:13,449 and rack focus on the shark. 86 00:04:13,516 --> 00:04:16,890 I hope I made a difference in Molly's short life, 87 00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:19,261 because she will forever be 88 00:04:19,361 --> 00:04:23,336 My Cephalopod Soulmate. 89 00:04:23,402 --> 00:04:25,708 (cheering, applause) 90 00:04:27,477 --> 00:04:32,053 Oh, Lisa, your movie was so sad and beautiful. 91 00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:34,358 That poor octomapus. 92 00:04:34,458 --> 00:04:35,895 Your movie really makes you think about 93 00:04:35,961 --> 00:04:38,332 the wondrous creature beneath the batter 94 00:04:38,399 --> 00:04:41,305 and the marinara sauce and the... 95 00:04:41,372 --> 00:04:43,376 (drools) 96 00:04:43,509 --> 00:04:46,182 Mmm, Lisa's friend. 97 00:04:46,248 --> 00:04:48,419 I think I need some time alone. 98 00:04:48,486 --> 00:04:51,993 - Of course. - Oh, sweetie, whatever you need. 99 00:04:55,801 --> 00:04:56,803 (giggling) 100 00:04:56,870 --> 00:04:58,406 I won an award! 101 00:04:58,472 --> 00:05:02,447 Well, actually, we won an award. (laughs) 102 00:05:04,284 --> 00:05:06,488 You want to watch it again? 103 00:05:10,865 --> 00:05:12,367 (Lisa grunts) 104 00:05:16,508 --> 00:05:20,183 I know, I broke the code and interfered. 105 00:05:20,283 --> 00:05:23,891 Maybe I should give back the trophy. 106 00:05:24,859 --> 00:05:28,432 Or we could do that. Problem solved. 107 00:05:28,499 --> 00:05:30,638 You're so smart. 108 00:05:31,472 --> 00:05:33,476 (sighs) Be patient. 109 00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:36,148 They may test you at first, but it's only because 110 00:05:36,248 --> 00:05:39,187 of their terribly sad home lives. 111 00:05:39,288 --> 00:05:42,662 Hello, teachers. My name is Rayshelle Peyton. 112 00:05:42,728 --> 00:05:44,866 This is my first day, so you'll have to tell me 113 00:05:44,933 --> 00:05:46,870 all the inside jokes. 114 00:05:46,970 --> 00:05:51,646 (grunts) I have a ruptured disk, but I can't afford to stay home. 115 00:05:51,746 --> 00:05:56,155 (laughs) I can't wait to hear the story behind that. 116 00:05:56,221 --> 00:05:58,159 - Huh? - Show of hands, 117 00:05:58,225 --> 00:05:59,361 who here is familiar 118 00:05:59,461 --> 00:06:01,165 with project-based learning? 119 00:06:04,471 --> 00:06:06,576 The reason I ask: my last school did a project 120 00:06:06,643 --> 00:06:08,012 where each grade built a model 121 00:06:08,079 --> 00:06:09,849 of one of the New Seven Wonders of the World, 122 00:06:09,916 --> 00:06:12,153 and for the next month, all subjects-- 123 00:06:12,220 --> 00:06:14,391 math, art, history and science-- 124 00:06:14,491 --> 00:06:18,767 were taught by designing and building the project. 125 00:06:19,702 --> 00:06:23,075 If you're undecided, I've got a much longer presentation. 126 00:06:23,209 --> 00:06:24,879 Let me grab my puppets. 127 00:06:25,013 --> 00:06:27,551 Look, whatever is making all this happen, 128 00:06:27,618 --> 00:06:30,490 either adjust the dosage or share. 129 00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:32,294 Oh, I get it. 130 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:34,464 You don't want to abandon the lessons 131 00:06:34,531 --> 00:06:36,936 you've already carefully prepared 132 00:06:37,003 --> 00:06:41,913 to follow these step-by-step plans. 133 00:06:41,980 --> 00:06:44,484 The lessons are already written out? 134 00:06:44,619 --> 00:06:46,422 This is like the HelloFresh of teaching. 135 00:06:46,522 --> 00:06:49,227 I can be on cruise control for a month. 136 00:06:49,328 --> 00:06:51,131 I'm second grade. What are we making? 137 00:06:51,231 --> 00:06:52,902 - Chichen Itza. - Great. 138 00:06:53,002 --> 00:06:55,607 I'll start by finding out what that is. 139 00:06:56,876 --> 00:06:59,514 These self-portraits are gonna help me get to know you better. 140 00:06:59,582 --> 00:07:03,557 This way, I get to see you the way you see you. 141 00:07:04,859 --> 00:07:06,596 Wow. 142 00:07:06,663 --> 00:07:08,600 Classic compulsive overachiever. 143 00:07:08,667 --> 00:07:11,005 Relax, this isn't being graded. 144 00:07:11,105 --> 00:07:12,842 I mean, A+. 145 00:07:12,908 --> 00:07:14,211 (sighs) 146 00:07:14,311 --> 00:07:17,918 Uh, this is me beating up Santa until he's my dad. 147 00:07:18,019 --> 00:07:19,087 Ah. 148 00:07:19,154 --> 00:07:21,025 Okay, violent, 149 00:07:21,091 --> 00:07:23,462 but he cares about holidays and family. 150 00:07:23,529 --> 00:07:25,166 I can work with this. 151 00:07:25,233 --> 00:07:27,772 That's a lot of glue. 152 00:07:27,838 --> 00:07:30,243 How is that part of your self-portrait? 153 00:07:30,309 --> 00:07:32,948 Uh, um, uh-- because, you know, uh... 154 00:07:33,015 --> 00:07:36,856 m-my-my face always has, u-uh, glue on it. 155 00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:39,161 Oh. Really? 156 00:07:39,261 --> 00:07:40,664 Yeah, see? (grunts) 157 00:07:40,698 --> 00:07:42,534 (low-pitched): I am glue-face. 158 00:07:42,601 --> 00:07:45,641 I have slept for a thousand years. 159 00:07:45,708 --> 00:07:47,878 - (grunts) Ow. - PEYTON: Oh! 160 00:07:48,012 --> 00:07:50,383 (low-pitched voice): That did not hurt. 161 00:07:50,450 --> 00:07:53,557 Take me to your principal, I-- Oh! 162 00:07:53,657 --> 00:07:56,195 Glue-face want door. 163 00:07:56,295 --> 00:07:58,232 Glue-face need restroom. 164 00:07:58,332 --> 00:08:01,105 PEYTON: What the hell is wrong with this kid? 165 00:08:05,748 --> 00:08:08,119 - (school bell rings) - Dude, what are you 166 00:08:08,219 --> 00:08:09,922 - doing in there? - I know it's not a sidekick's place 167 00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:12,494 to give notes, but for the past few weeks, 168 00:08:12,561 --> 00:08:14,131 nothing's landing. 169 00:08:14,264 --> 00:08:17,237 Really? I thought milk-nose glitter sneeze landed. 170 00:08:17,337 --> 00:08:19,541 No. It did not land. 171 00:08:19,642 --> 00:08:22,882 - Really hard to look at. - You don't seem in control. 172 00:08:22,982 --> 00:08:26,756 We can't laugh at your clowning if we're concerned about you. 173 00:08:26,856 --> 00:08:30,296 Why are you messing with Ms. Peyton? She's nice. 174 00:08:30,363 --> 00:08:32,635 I don't know why I do stuff, okay? 175 00:08:32,735 --> 00:08:35,473 I don't know why I'm yelling now! 176 00:08:35,540 --> 00:08:37,143 I'm not gonna noogie you, 177 00:08:37,177 --> 00:08:40,349 but when you think about your actions today, 178 00:08:40,416 --> 00:08:43,089 I hope you noogie yourself. 179 00:08:43,155 --> 00:08:44,224 (Bart groans) 180 00:08:46,328 --> 00:08:48,365 (gasps) How'd you do that? 181 00:08:48,432 --> 00:08:50,169 Wait, no. What are you do-- 182 00:08:50,236 --> 00:08:51,806 No. No, no. Don't do that. 183 00:08:51,873 --> 00:08:54,244 No, no, no. (screams) 184 00:09:01,191 --> 00:09:06,034 (moans) There's supposed to be a Krazy Krusty Ball in here. 185 00:09:07,103 --> 00:09:08,607 - (gasps) - Huh. 186 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:10,543 That is a crazy ball. 187 00:09:10,611 --> 00:09:12,280 Uh, can I have it? 188 00:09:12,380 --> 00:09:15,286 - Sure. Think fast. - No, don't. 189 00:09:16,388 --> 00:09:18,794 Oh, you inked. 190 00:09:18,860 --> 00:09:19,996 Oh. 191 00:09:20,096 --> 00:09:23,335 Uh, you might not want to eat that cereal. 192 00:09:23,402 --> 00:09:25,039 Hmm? Why not? 193 00:09:25,139 --> 00:09:26,976 Uh, no reason. No. 194 00:09:27,043 --> 00:09:30,784 I'm just gonna go google some toxicology stuff. 195 00:09:30,851 --> 00:09:33,990 (chuckles) Kids love Google. 196 00:09:34,057 --> 00:09:35,761 BART: Huh, using an X-Acto knife 197 00:09:35,828 --> 00:09:39,034 to make the Styrofoam look like stone was a cool idea. 198 00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:42,207 Wait, did I just use "cool" to describe homework? 199 00:09:42,273 --> 00:09:43,944 What is happening to me? 200 00:09:44,010 --> 00:09:45,747 (gasps) Huh? 201 00:09:48,452 --> 00:09:50,156 (shouts) 202 00:09:53,362 --> 00:09:56,636 This Friday, there's an assembly to present the Seven Wonders. 203 00:09:56,703 --> 00:09:58,005 Your parents will be there, 204 00:09:58,072 --> 00:10:01,278 and they'll judge me based on what you do. 205 00:10:01,345 --> 00:10:03,015 But no pressure. 206 00:10:03,115 --> 00:10:05,319 Well, a little pressure. (chuckles) 207 00:10:05,353 --> 00:10:06,890 Pressure makes diamonds. 208 00:10:06,990 --> 00:10:10,163 Anyway, take your projects out and get to work, please. 209 00:10:10,229 --> 00:10:13,770 Milhouse, I love how you carved the Styrofoam 210 00:10:13,870 --> 00:10:16,475 to make it look like stones. 211 00:10:16,609 --> 00:10:19,114 I used an X-Acto knife. 212 00:10:20,817 --> 00:10:23,189 Bart. What's wrong? 213 00:10:23,255 --> 00:10:24,759 I didn't mean to do that. 214 00:10:24,859 --> 00:10:26,729 Great work, Milhouse. 215 00:10:26,796 --> 00:10:28,800 I meant to do this. 216 00:10:29,969 --> 00:10:33,743 - Bart. - I lost my fingerprints gluing that. 217 00:10:33,843 --> 00:10:36,215 We had to go to urgent care. 218 00:10:36,281 --> 00:10:38,753 I saw a drug addict! 219 00:10:39,655 --> 00:10:41,091 (Bart whimpers) 220 00:10:43,429 --> 00:10:46,201 Now I've got an octopus-proof tank 221 00:10:46,268 --> 00:10:49,507 with safety latch, escape alarm, and... (gasps) 222 00:10:49,609 --> 00:10:51,913 Where did-- where did you go? 223 00:10:52,013 --> 00:10:55,186 ♪ I'm a sucker for you, yeah ♪ 224 00:10:55,286 --> 00:10:59,427 ♪ You say the word and I'll go anywhere blindly ♪ 225 00:10:59,527 --> 00:11:01,799 ♪ I'm a sucker for you, yeah ♪ 226 00:11:01,866 --> 00:11:05,741 ♪ Any road you take, you know that you'll find me ♪ 227 00:11:05,774 --> 00:11:09,347 ♪ I'm a sucker for all the subliminal things ♪ 228 00:11:09,414 --> 00:11:11,553 ♪ No one knows about you ♪ 229 00:11:11,653 --> 00:11:12,888 ♪ About you, about you ♪ 230 00:11:12,955 --> 00:11:16,028 ♪ I'm a sucker for you. ♪ 231 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:24,110 First of all, I am enjoying Bart's energy. 232 00:11:24,210 --> 00:11:27,083 Uh, uh, you don't have to say nice stuff about Bart. 233 00:11:27,150 --> 00:11:29,521 - We know the drill. - Okay, good. 234 00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:31,291 Just tell us what's wrong with him. 235 00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,964 To be honest, I'm not sure. 236 00:11:34,030 --> 00:11:36,201 I have tried every intervention I know. 237 00:11:36,301 --> 00:11:39,307 Letting him be the teacher, scaring him straight, 238 00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:42,948 dunce caps, genius pants, negging, Breakfast Clubbing, 239 00:11:43,048 --> 00:11:46,221 no recess, nothing but recess, puppy stickers. 240 00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:48,827 Oh. Bart's always had his problems, 241 00:11:48,927 --> 00:11:51,666 but now it sounds like they're turning into... 242 00:11:51,699 --> 00:11:53,837 (cries) ...issues. 243 00:11:53,937 --> 00:11:57,277 Don't worry, I am going to get to the bottom 244 00:11:57,343 --> 00:11:59,247 of why he's acting out. 245 00:11:59,314 --> 00:12:02,120 Could each of you fill out this child development questionnaire? 246 00:12:02,186 --> 00:12:04,759 You need to know how long I was in labor? 247 00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:07,631 Oh, does that question bother you? 248 00:12:07,698 --> 00:12:10,637 No. No, not at all. I love it. 249 00:12:10,704 --> 00:12:14,612 Hey, Buddy, I think I know why you've been 250 00:12:14,745 --> 00:12:16,649 such an unlikeable jerk lately. 251 00:12:16,716 --> 00:12:19,187 Someone has a little crush on their teacher. 252 00:12:19,254 --> 00:12:22,460 Someone has a big crush on being wrong. 253 00:12:22,594 --> 00:12:24,865 Come on, boy, open up to me. I get it. 254 00:12:24,966 --> 00:12:27,170 I was in love with my school nurse. 255 00:12:27,270 --> 00:12:29,976 I would hurt myself on purpose just to see her. 256 00:12:30,076 --> 00:12:33,482 I'd fall off the monkey bars, bash my head into a wall, 257 00:12:33,515 --> 00:12:38,359 and sometimes I'd even fall off the monkey bars. 258 00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:41,098 Actually, there is something I'm dealing with right now. 259 00:12:41,164 --> 00:12:43,502 - My dad's an idiot. - Listen, you little... 260 00:12:43,570 --> 00:12:47,176 I had brilliant advice for how to handle a crush. 261 00:12:47,243 --> 00:12:50,216 But now, I'm keeping it to myself. 262 00:12:50,316 --> 00:12:51,819 I've met her before. 263 00:12:51,886 --> 00:12:53,757 So? I've met people. 264 00:12:53,823 --> 00:12:57,063 Lisa, Maggie. Uh... you! 265 00:12:57,130 --> 00:12:59,935 No, I've met the teacher before. 266 00:13:00,002 --> 00:13:01,906 I'm opening up to you. 267 00:13:01,973 --> 00:13:05,146 Oh, okay. Well, go on, son. 268 00:13:05,246 --> 00:13:06,849 When Lisa was doing her fish movie, 269 00:13:06,883 --> 00:13:08,987 Mom and I would wait on the beach. 270 00:13:09,054 --> 00:13:12,393 Some rich kid left a sand pail from the fancy hotel. 271 00:13:14,330 --> 00:13:19,107 That bucket was my ticket to the guests-only pool area. 272 00:13:19,207 --> 00:13:21,411 At first, it was pretty sweet. 273 00:13:21,445 --> 00:13:25,052 Then I tried a fancy dive off the Tarzan swing. 274 00:13:25,152 --> 00:13:27,123 A belly flop will knock the wind out of you. 275 00:13:27,190 --> 00:13:29,762 Especially a belly full of hot fudge. 276 00:13:29,895 --> 00:13:32,300 - (gasping) - I panicked, and suddenly, 277 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:35,574 I couldn't tread water, no matter how hard I flailed. 278 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,845 And no one was noticing. 279 00:13:39,682 --> 00:13:41,218 But then... 280 00:13:49,501 --> 00:13:51,906 (panting) Oh, God. 281 00:13:51,973 --> 00:13:53,977 Are-are you okay? 282 00:13:57,551 --> 00:13:59,454 WOMAN: What happened? 283 00:13:59,555 --> 00:14:00,824 (whispering): He can't swim. 284 00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:02,126 That poor boy. 285 00:14:02,928 --> 00:14:05,667 Why did you do that? I was fine. 286 00:14:05,734 --> 00:14:07,336 I'm an amazing swimmer. 287 00:14:07,437 --> 00:14:10,610 I-I'm, I'm sorry, I-I thought that... 288 00:14:10,677 --> 00:14:12,113 I feel awful. 289 00:14:12,180 --> 00:14:14,752 She ruined her dress and I yelled at her. 290 00:14:14,852 --> 00:14:17,791 And my hand went in her mouth for a second. 291 00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:20,096 She doesn't recognize me, yet. 292 00:14:20,129 --> 00:14:23,469 But when she does, she's gonna hate me. 293 00:14:23,535 --> 00:14:26,041 Every day I tell myself to be invisible. 294 00:14:26,108 --> 00:14:28,512 Next thing I know, I'm standing on my desk, 295 00:14:28,580 --> 00:14:31,218 pretending to poop out the class hamster. 296 00:14:31,284 --> 00:14:32,286 HOMER: Hmm. 297 00:14:32,386 --> 00:14:36,128 What if you told her the... whatchamacallit? 298 00:14:36,261 --> 00:14:38,332 - The truth? - Yeah, that thing. 299 00:14:38,398 --> 00:14:40,937 You're right. If it were out in the open, 300 00:14:41,004 --> 00:14:43,142 she'd have nothing on me. 301 00:14:43,242 --> 00:14:45,680 Wow, you actually helped. 302 00:14:45,747 --> 00:14:47,116 I did. You know what? 303 00:14:47,183 --> 00:14:49,822 I think I'm finally ready to be a dad. 304 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,026 I'm gonna tell my wife! 305 00:14:54,364 --> 00:14:55,299 (growls) 306 00:14:55,366 --> 00:14:56,468 (Lisa shouts) 307 00:14:56,535 --> 00:14:59,407 That's it. Ugh, you are not safe in this house. 308 00:14:59,474 --> 00:15:02,480 Whew, you're coming to school with me. 309 00:15:03,449 --> 00:15:06,054 (growls, yelps) 310 00:15:06,121 --> 00:15:07,891 Oh, this is great. 311 00:15:07,958 --> 00:15:09,895 I'll come clean, no more weirdness. 312 00:15:09,929 --> 00:15:12,266 (exhales) I feel better already. 313 00:15:12,333 --> 00:15:13,770 Hello. 314 00:15:13,870 --> 00:15:15,339 - (Peyton chuckles) - (gasps) 315 00:15:16,742 --> 00:15:18,312 Hmm, isn't that interesting? 316 00:15:18,412 --> 00:15:20,216 She's married. 317 00:15:21,017 --> 00:15:23,890 (screams) 318 00:15:23,990 --> 00:15:25,894 (grunts) 319 00:15:25,994 --> 00:15:32,106 Okay, I might be a teensy bit in love with her. 320 00:15:38,753 --> 00:15:41,191 ♪ ♪ 321 00:15:49,608 --> 00:15:51,579 Dad, you were right. 322 00:15:51,646 --> 00:15:52,881 I do have a crush on her. 323 00:15:52,948 --> 00:15:54,384 I saw Ms. Peyton kiss her husband 324 00:15:54,450 --> 00:15:57,290 and I Hulked out on the water fountain. 325 00:15:57,390 --> 00:15:59,795 Yeah, jealousy will make you do crazy things. 326 00:15:59,862 --> 00:16:04,003 Once, a guy opened the door for Marge, so I keyed his car. 327 00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:05,506 Which was the school bus. 328 00:16:05,574 --> 00:16:07,611 Turned out he opened the door for everybody. 329 00:16:07,644 --> 00:16:09,080 Except for me, after that. 330 00:16:09,147 --> 00:16:11,351 Well, jealousy is gonna make me ruin this assembly. 331 00:16:11,384 --> 00:16:13,422 - I can't stop myself. - Ooh. 332 00:16:13,522 --> 00:16:16,294 You said you had great advice on crushes. What is it? 333 00:16:16,394 --> 00:16:18,900 Here's what you need to know. 334 00:16:18,967 --> 00:16:20,937 You're a kid, she's a grown-up. Get over it. 335 00:16:21,037 --> 00:16:23,475 That's your amazing advice? 336 00:16:23,576 --> 00:16:26,448 That's not advice, that's just... (scoffs) 337 00:16:26,514 --> 00:16:27,718 ...the truth. 338 00:16:27,784 --> 00:16:30,624 Look, sometimes there are awesome things in this world 339 00:16:30,724 --> 00:16:33,696 that aren't meant to be your awesome thing. 340 00:16:33,796 --> 00:16:35,099 You got to let it go. 341 00:16:35,165 --> 00:16:37,938 Trust me, there's other fish in the sea. 342 00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:40,777 He's right. And you should also be in the sea. 343 00:16:40,810 --> 00:16:43,148 Hunting and killing those fish. 344 00:16:45,319 --> 00:16:47,056 After school... (sniffles) 345 00:16:47,189 --> 00:16:50,329 ...I'll take you back to your home. 346 00:16:50,396 --> 00:16:53,903 Dad, what if I snap and totally mess up the assembly? 347 00:16:54,037 --> 00:16:55,774 Vent on inanimate objects. 348 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,543 Punch a pillow, tear up Kleenex. 349 00:16:57,611 --> 00:17:00,917 I like to scream into Pringles canisters. 350 00:17:00,984 --> 00:17:02,754 You can do this. 351 00:17:02,854 --> 00:17:05,526 Boom. Parenting is easy. 352 00:17:07,798 --> 00:17:09,835 - Mwah. - Oh. 353 00:17:09,935 --> 00:17:11,572 (groans, pants) 354 00:17:11,639 --> 00:17:14,110 Okay, Homer said to punch something soft. 355 00:17:14,210 --> 00:17:16,047 There's nothing soft here. 356 00:17:16,147 --> 00:17:19,622 We are so excited to share our school-wide project: 357 00:17:19,655 --> 00:17:23,462 the New Seven Wonders Of the World. 358 00:17:23,563 --> 00:17:24,565 (cheering, applause) 359 00:17:24,632 --> 00:17:28,005 I want to thank my wonderful husband Darryl, 360 00:17:28,071 --> 00:17:30,710 who insisted on providing the music. 361 00:17:30,810 --> 00:17:32,814 ♪ ♪ 362 00:17:35,486 --> 00:17:39,828 Yeah, I get to hear that all the time. (forced chuckle) 363 00:17:39,962 --> 00:17:42,166 Oh, man, he's in a band? 364 00:17:42,266 --> 00:17:45,139 Oh, I can't compete with that. 365 00:17:45,205 --> 00:17:47,476 I need something to scream in. 366 00:17:49,414 --> 00:17:51,619 (yells) 367 00:17:51,719 --> 00:17:54,190 (muffled screaming) 368 00:17:58,599 --> 00:18:00,770 (people screaming) 369 00:18:00,870 --> 00:18:03,008 Simpson! 370 00:18:03,108 --> 00:18:04,712 (yelping) 371 00:18:05,747 --> 00:18:07,851 (screaming, shouting) 372 00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:14,565 CHALMERS: Good lord. The Redeemer's on a rampage! 373 00:18:15,567 --> 00:18:18,405 (grunting) Styrofoam specks. 374 00:18:18,505 --> 00:18:20,643 Brushing just attracts more of them. 375 00:18:20,744 --> 00:18:22,480 (muffled shouts) 376 00:18:22,581 --> 00:18:24,785 Oh... Molly! 377 00:18:24,885 --> 00:18:26,822 (grunting) 378 00:18:26,889 --> 00:18:28,960 (yells) My lids. 379 00:18:29,027 --> 00:18:30,162 (shouts) 380 00:18:30,262 --> 00:18:31,899 (exhales, grunts) 381 00:18:33,468 --> 00:18:35,172 (gasps) 382 00:18:35,272 --> 00:18:36,575 (sniffling) 383 00:18:36,676 --> 00:18:39,147 Ms. Peyton, please don't give up on this school 384 00:18:39,247 --> 00:18:41,652 because of one apex disrupter. 385 00:18:41,719 --> 00:18:43,690 Look, you can, you can switch classes. 386 00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,392 Ms. Hoover will teach Bart. 387 00:18:45,459 --> 00:18:47,329 No way. I had him two years ago. 388 00:18:47,430 --> 00:18:49,835 My hair fell out in clumps. 389 00:18:49,902 --> 00:18:51,538 - I'm not taking him. - No way. 390 00:18:51,572 --> 00:18:53,676 I'd rather go back to prison. 391 00:18:53,743 --> 00:18:55,613 (Bart whimpers softly) 392 00:19:00,189 --> 00:19:02,259 Ms. Peyton? 393 00:19:02,326 --> 00:19:04,765 I'm sorry I ruined everything. 394 00:19:04,898 --> 00:19:06,368 You probably won't believe this, 395 00:19:06,434 --> 00:19:10,944 but I had an octopus stuck to my face. 396 00:19:11,010 --> 00:19:13,649 - I believe you. - You do? 397 00:19:13,750 --> 00:19:16,187 Yes, because I know, 398 00:19:16,287 --> 00:19:20,162 deep down, you want to be good. 399 00:19:20,229 --> 00:19:22,634 Also, your face is covered in tentacle hickeys. 400 00:19:22,734 --> 00:19:26,341 There's something I need to tell you. 401 00:19:26,408 --> 00:19:30,550 Really? You didn't get your fill of destruction today? 402 00:19:30,583 --> 00:19:33,723 (gasps) You're angry drowning boy. 403 00:19:33,823 --> 00:19:36,662 Oh, I-I'm so sorry. That's what I call you in my head. 404 00:19:36,729 --> 00:19:39,133 I hope I didn't embarrass you that day. 405 00:19:39,233 --> 00:19:40,837 I thought you needed help. 406 00:19:40,937 --> 00:19:43,175 I did, actually. 407 00:19:43,241 --> 00:19:45,446 I had two sundaes and some curly fries. 408 00:19:45,512 --> 00:19:47,483 It made me forget how to swim. 409 00:19:47,584 --> 00:19:50,222 Anyway, thank you for seeing me. 410 00:19:50,322 --> 00:19:51,491 You're welcome. 411 00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:53,629 That's why I've been weird around you. 412 00:19:53,696 --> 00:19:56,134 Also... (moans) 413 00:19:56,234 --> 00:19:57,737 I kind of like you. 414 00:19:57,804 --> 00:19:59,942 I did homework, and I didn't mind it. 415 00:20:00,008 --> 00:20:01,679 (sighs) Barf emoji. 416 00:20:01,746 --> 00:20:05,185 You know, a crush on a teacher just means 417 00:20:05,252 --> 00:20:07,591 you're coming to love a new part of yourself 418 00:20:07,657 --> 00:20:09,595 that I'm bringing out in you. 419 00:20:09,628 --> 00:20:14,537 So I actually have a crush on myself? 420 00:20:14,605 --> 00:20:18,512 And now that you told me, that'll be less weird, too. 421 00:20:18,579 --> 00:20:22,353 So, do you need help packing up? 422 00:20:22,419 --> 00:20:24,023 - I'm staying. - (gasps) 423 00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:26,595 A teacher teaches the good kids and the nightmares. 424 00:20:26,662 --> 00:20:30,970 Not that you're a nightmare, but I-I-- Y-You know. 425 00:20:31,037 --> 00:20:32,473 I know. My last teacher 426 00:20:32,540 --> 00:20:34,043 had a little trick that seemed to work. 427 00:20:34,143 --> 00:20:35,914 Oh, really? 428 00:20:36,014 --> 00:20:37,450 Oops. 429 00:20:40,389 --> 00:20:42,226 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 430 00:20:42,293 --> 00:20:44,130 FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 431 00:20:44,230 --> 00:20:45,834 And FORD. We go further, so you can. 432 00:20:45,934 --> 00:20:47,637 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 433 00:20:53,583 --> 00:20:55,319 ♪ ♪ 434 00:21:14,290 --> 00:21:15,960 (grunts) 435 00:21:16,027 --> 00:21:17,296 Hmph. 436 00:21:17,363 --> 00:21:20,202 What? I'm part of nature, too. 437 00:21:20,269 --> 00:21:21,504 (Database groans) 438 00:21:32,761 --> 00:21:33,729 Shh!