1
00:00:07,384 --> 00:00:09,619
Hmm? Mm.
2
00:00:09,719 --> 00:00:11,755
- Don't pick it.
- D'oh!
3
00:00:14,024 --> 00:00:16,226
♪ ♪
4
00:00:24,935 --> 00:00:26,770
498...
5
00:00:26,836 --> 00:00:28,338
499...
6
00:00:28,405 --> 00:00:30,440
It's time.
7
00:00:32,509 --> 00:00:34,778
♪ ♪
8
00:00:34,844 --> 00:00:37,047
It's time.
9
00:00:41,251 --> 00:00:44,254
I'm sorry. We're going to have
to pull the plug.
10
00:00:44,387 --> 00:00:46,056
It's time.
11
00:00:46,189 --> 00:00:48,858
See ya later, vegitaters. Ha-ha!
12
00:00:48,925 --> 00:00:50,060
(groaning)
13
00:00:50,126 --> 00:00:52,329
(rhythmic beats)
14
00:00:54,631 --> 00:00:55,765
All ears on me!
15
00:00:55,865 --> 00:00:57,000
(feedback screeches)
16
00:00:57,067 --> 00:00:59,135
For 37 years,
we've played shuffleboard
17
00:00:59,202 --> 00:01:01,238
against our crosstown rivals.
18
00:01:01,304 --> 00:01:04,140
The Golden Exits
Retirement Farm.
19
00:01:04,174 --> 00:01:06,009
(others booing)
20
00:01:06,076 --> 00:01:08,111
Those rich snobs think
they're better than us,
21
00:01:08,178 --> 00:01:10,714
with their yoga classes,
22
00:01:10,780 --> 00:01:12,749
and their aquacise,
23
00:01:12,816 --> 00:01:15,719
and their name-brand applesauce.
24
00:01:15,785 --> 00:01:16,953
(grunts)
25
00:01:17,020 --> 00:01:18,722
(cheering, clamoring)
26
00:01:18,788 --> 00:01:20,590
But today we show them
27
00:01:20,657 --> 00:01:22,192
what we can do!
28
00:01:22,292 --> 00:01:25,028
Cloudy eyes! Functioning hearts!
29
00:01:25,128 --> 00:01:27,330
OTHERS:
Can't lose!
30
00:01:29,733 --> 00:01:31,935
(alert buzzing)
31
00:01:32,068 --> 00:01:34,404
Aw, they want something.
32
00:01:35,672 --> 00:01:37,707
(Muzak playing)
33
00:01:39,776 --> 00:01:42,779
♪ ♪
34
00:01:46,016 --> 00:01:48,251
♪ ♪
35
00:01:50,820 --> 00:01:52,322
(exclaims)
36
00:01:53,123 --> 00:01:55,892
No fair.
The other team's got a ringer.
37
00:01:55,992 --> 00:01:57,794
♪ Owner of an '80s car ♪
38
00:01:57,861 --> 00:01:59,629
♪ 200,000 miles ♪
39
00:01:59,696 --> 00:02:01,264
♪ Owner of an '80s car ♪
40
00:02:01,331 --> 00:02:03,300
♪ Got it for graduation. ♪
41
00:02:07,203 --> 00:02:09,773
(somber fanfare plays)
42
00:02:17,714 --> 00:02:19,049
(siren wails)
43
00:02:19,115 --> 00:02:20,183
(person coughs)
44
00:02:20,250 --> 00:02:21,318
Mm.
45
00:02:22,352 --> 00:02:23,486
♪ ♪
46
00:02:28,291 --> 00:02:31,494
(cheering, clamoring)
47
00:02:31,628 --> 00:02:32,662
We win!
48
00:02:32,729 --> 00:02:35,298
Yet somehow I feel guilty.
49
00:02:39,936 --> 00:02:42,839
That woman won't stop
staring at me.
50
00:02:42,906 --> 00:02:44,674
I'm not surprised, Marge.
51
00:02:44,741 --> 00:02:47,577
You are a senior home ten.
52
00:02:47,644 --> 00:02:48,578
(Marge grumbles)
53
00:02:48,612 --> 00:02:51,047
Do I... know you?
54
00:02:51,147 --> 00:02:52,349
Margie the Meanie?
55
00:02:52,415 --> 00:02:54,551
You've caused me enough trouble!
56
00:02:54,618 --> 00:02:56,253
(sobbing):
No! Oh...
57
00:02:56,286 --> 00:02:58,755
Mom, what don't we know
about you?
58
00:02:59,890 --> 00:03:01,491
Marge Bouvier,
59
00:03:01,558 --> 00:03:03,660
you ruined my life!
60
00:03:04,427 --> 00:03:07,797
I never want to see you again!
61
00:03:07,898 --> 00:03:10,133
- (horn blaring)
- (bells clanging)
62
00:03:12,168 --> 00:03:14,537
That is my old principal.
63
00:03:14,604 --> 00:03:17,707
Mom, she's treating you like
you were a bad kid in school.
64
00:03:17,807 --> 00:03:20,477
But that's impossible.
65
00:03:20,544 --> 00:03:22,546
Unless...
66
00:03:22,646 --> 00:03:25,348
Well, I... not really.
67
00:03:26,850 --> 00:03:28,952
You were a bad kid in school!
68
00:03:29,052 --> 00:03:31,621
High five. And now you're
trying to lie about it!
69
00:03:31,688 --> 00:03:33,390
- (gasps) We're the same!
- (car alarms sounding)
70
00:03:33,456 --> 00:03:35,191
We're the same! We're the same!
We're the same!
71
00:03:35,258 --> 00:03:37,694
Oh, I finally have
a parent I am proud of.
72
00:03:37,761 --> 00:03:39,229
Aw.
73
00:03:39,296 --> 00:03:41,197
(chuckles)
Marge.
74
00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:43,967
You must've run
into Principal York.
75
00:03:44,067 --> 00:03:46,870
You made her life a living hell.
76
00:03:46,937 --> 00:03:49,372
(sighs)
It started in middle school.
77
00:03:49,472 --> 00:03:50,674
Middle school.
78
00:03:50,740 --> 00:03:53,710
That's when we were
sopranos in the choir.
79
00:03:53,810 --> 00:03:56,012
(gravelly harmonizing)
80
00:03:56,079 --> 00:03:57,714
(coughing)
81
00:03:57,781 --> 00:04:00,584
Ah! Still got it.
82
00:04:01,751 --> 00:04:04,621
MARGE:
In seventh grade,
I had to switch schools.
83
00:04:04,688 --> 00:04:06,690
♪ ♪
84
00:04:08,191 --> 00:04:10,527
(electric guitar solo plays)
85
00:04:13,730 --> 00:04:16,166
We wear top and bottom eyeliner.
86
00:04:16,233 --> 00:04:17,934
Check out this tattoo.
87
00:04:18,034 --> 00:04:19,269
Is that press-on?
88
00:04:19,369 --> 00:04:20,770
Henna.
89
00:04:20,904 --> 00:04:22,272
(gasps)
90
00:04:23,139 --> 00:04:25,642
They were so nasty to me.
91
00:04:25,775 --> 00:04:27,577
Ah!
92
00:04:27,677 --> 00:04:29,846
(Marge sobbing)
93
00:04:29,913 --> 00:04:30,981
SELMA:
And then one day,
94
00:04:31,014 --> 00:04:32,949
against a checked-out principal,
95
00:04:33,016 --> 00:04:34,351
you won them over.
96
00:04:34,451 --> 00:04:36,519
The mean girls are
picking on me again.
97
00:04:36,586 --> 00:04:38,388
Well, what do you
expect me to do,
98
00:04:38,455 --> 00:04:41,091
start some kind
of anti-bullying policy?
99
00:04:41,157 --> 00:04:43,526
Also no standing during lunch.
100
00:04:44,494 --> 00:04:45,395
(shouts)
101
00:04:45,495 --> 00:04:46,529
(all gasp)
102
00:04:46,630 --> 00:04:48,565
(laughter)
103
00:04:48,665 --> 00:04:51,835
I'll do a lot better
with the next person I hire.
104
00:04:51,902 --> 00:04:54,371
He'll be a win-ner!
105
00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:57,340
The new girl did that.
106
00:04:57,407 --> 00:04:58,975
It was cool.
107
00:04:59,075 --> 00:05:01,077
ALL:
Cool girl! Cool girl!
108
00:05:01,177 --> 00:05:02,913
I am a cool girl.
109
00:05:02,979 --> 00:05:04,781
Don't check with my old school.
110
00:05:04,881 --> 00:05:06,550
You pranked the principal?
111
00:05:06,616 --> 00:05:09,185
I embarrassed her,
but I shouldn't have.
112
00:05:09,286 --> 00:05:12,222
But that didn't stop you
from doing it again.
113
00:05:14,324 --> 00:05:15,225
(exclaims)
114
00:05:15,325 --> 00:05:18,595
Oh, my God!
We saw the principal's bra.
115
00:05:18,662 --> 00:05:20,230
We've entered...
116
00:05:20,330 --> 00:05:21,531
(deep voice):
...puberty!
117
00:05:21,631 --> 00:05:22,832
PATTY:
And again.
118
00:05:22,899 --> 00:05:25,702
(gasps)
It's not even grammatical.
119
00:05:29,005 --> 00:05:30,974
Oh, my God, Mom,
you're not perfect.
120
00:05:31,074 --> 00:05:32,909
You're so not perfect.
121
00:05:33,009 --> 00:05:34,344
Bart, I'm not...
122
00:05:34,444 --> 00:05:37,147
This is the first hug where
you've ever hugged me back.
123
00:05:37,214 --> 00:05:39,849
Hug you back?
I started the damn hug.
124
00:05:39,916 --> 00:05:42,786
Language, but aw...
125
00:05:47,557 --> 00:05:48,992
- (Ralph humming)
- (gasps)
126
00:05:49,025 --> 00:05:50,527
Two customers
in the shop at once.
127
00:05:50,660 --> 00:05:52,495
Call the fire marshal.
128
00:05:52,629 --> 00:05:54,297
I want to buy a Batman.
129
00:05:54,431 --> 00:05:56,433
Um, not so fast. Which era?
130
00:05:56,499 --> 00:05:58,768
Which artist?
Dark Knight or Adam West?
131
00:05:58,835 --> 00:06:02,339
(sighs) Sometimes I regret
not finishing medical school.
132
00:06:02,405 --> 00:06:05,041
I was one credit away. One.
133
00:06:05,175 --> 00:06:08,011
I want the one
where Batman eats lasagna.
134
00:06:08,144 --> 00:06:10,614
That is Garfield,
who is not a bat, but a cat.
135
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:14,117
How can someone with such
a big head be so stupid?
136
00:06:14,184 --> 00:06:17,153
That is so cruel,
picking on that poor Wiggum boy.
137
00:06:17,220 --> 00:06:19,656
Someone should teach him
a lesson.
138
00:06:19,756 --> 00:06:21,258
Someone who's not afraid
139
00:06:21,324 --> 00:06:23,627
to be a hero to her son.
140
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:25,896
Do it, Marge. Prank that guy.
141
00:06:25,962 --> 00:06:27,330
Superman?
142
00:06:27,430 --> 00:06:30,934
Uh, for legal reasons,
you can call me Uber Hombre.
143
00:06:31,001 --> 00:06:33,136
Once again
the lack of clear copyright
144
00:06:33,203 --> 00:06:35,205
in my country has screwed me.
145
00:06:35,338 --> 00:06:37,007
My copyright expired.
146
00:06:37,073 --> 00:06:39,009
Would you like to be
the Scarlet Pimpernel?
147
00:06:39,075 --> 00:06:40,744
No, thank you.
148
00:06:40,810 --> 00:06:42,546
Maybe something should be done.
149
00:06:42,646 --> 00:06:44,314
Aw.
150
00:06:44,414 --> 00:06:47,083
Why, look,
if it isn't Lex Loser.
151
00:06:47,183 --> 00:06:49,886
Ha.
Stop working the package to see
152
00:06:50,020 --> 00:06:51,888
what the middle comic is
in the three-pack.
153
00:06:52,022 --> 00:06:53,557
Take your chances like a man.
154
00:06:53,657 --> 00:06:56,326
But I want to see
if the middle one is valuable.
155
00:06:56,426 --> 00:06:58,361
The middle comic is
never valuable.
156
00:06:58,428 --> 00:07:01,131
It's there to take up space
like lettuce on a hamburger,
157
00:07:01,197 --> 00:07:03,233
a seat filler at the Emmys,
158
00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:04,401
or you.
159
00:07:04,501 --> 00:07:06,369
(sobbing)
160
00:07:06,436 --> 00:07:08,104
♪ ♪
161
00:07:10,106 --> 00:07:12,342
Uh, excuse me, Mr. Guy?
162
00:07:12,475 --> 00:07:14,344
I have more money
than you've ever seen
163
00:07:14,444 --> 00:07:16,179
in this store.
164
00:07:17,380 --> 00:07:19,816
Yes, sir,
and may I offer you a snack?
165
00:07:19,883 --> 00:07:21,218
You serve snacks?
166
00:07:21,318 --> 00:07:22,953
For valued customers, yes.
167
00:07:23,019 --> 00:07:25,055
Have a mint, or if you prefer,
168
00:07:25,188 --> 00:07:27,390
a near mint.
Could I interest you
169
00:07:27,457 --> 00:07:30,193
in this very emotional
Spider-Man, in which
170
00:07:30,293 --> 00:07:33,563
Peter Parker confronts and
forgives the spider who bit him?
171
00:07:33,630 --> 00:07:34,631
(gasps)
172
00:07:34,731 --> 00:07:36,499
A comic book's arch enemy!
173
00:07:36,566 --> 00:07:37,934
Cola! No!
174
00:07:38,034 --> 00:07:39,636
Oh, God! Oh!
175
00:07:39,703 --> 00:07:42,172
Oh, God! Ah!
(grunts)
176
00:07:42,239 --> 00:07:44,574
To quote the immortal Shaggy:
177
00:07:44,641 --> 00:07:46,509
"Zoinks!"
178
00:07:53,416 --> 00:07:56,519
(both laughing)
179
00:07:57,787 --> 00:07:59,823
(laughing)
180
00:07:59,890 --> 00:08:01,591
(all laughing)
181
00:08:02,559 --> 00:08:06,096
(both laughing)
182
00:08:07,464 --> 00:08:08,899
What's so funny?
183
00:08:08,999 --> 00:08:10,500
(giggles)
Mom and I...
184
00:08:10,567 --> 00:08:12,202
(shushes, giggles)
185
00:08:12,269 --> 00:08:13,670
...did a prank together.
186
00:08:13,770 --> 00:08:15,071
Shh! Sweetie.
187
00:08:15,171 --> 00:08:16,273
Whoa, wait a minute.
188
00:08:16,306 --> 00:08:18,241
So Bart gets his wild side
189
00:08:18,308 --> 00:08:20,777
from his mother?
That makes no sense.
190
00:08:20,911 --> 00:08:22,579
Boys get stuff from their dads,
191
00:08:22,679 --> 00:08:25,248
like their favorite
baseball team, mental disorders,
192
00:08:25,315 --> 00:08:28,051
and the lame joke
they tell every waiter.
193
00:08:28,084 --> 00:08:29,753
Say, Maggie?
194
00:08:29,819 --> 00:08:31,955
Why don't you get this one?
195
00:08:32,022 --> 00:08:33,623
Ha-ha-ha.
196
00:08:33,690 --> 00:08:36,359
Imagine, a baby paying a check.
197
00:08:36,459 --> 00:08:38,895
Well, maybe Bart's
pranking allele
198
00:08:38,962 --> 00:08:40,897
is on the maternal chromosome.
199
00:08:40,964 --> 00:08:43,567
(sighs) The only part
of that I understood
200
00:08:43,667 --> 00:08:44,868
was "allele."
201
00:08:44,935 --> 00:08:46,503
I'm talking Mendelian genetics.
202
00:08:46,570 --> 00:08:49,539
Young lady, we do not discuss
that at the dinner table.
203
00:08:49,606 --> 00:08:51,408
Now pass the peas.
204
00:08:52,909 --> 00:08:55,512
Hmm. How come
one quarter are yellow?
205
00:08:55,612 --> 00:08:56,813
- (sighs)
- (both laugh)
206
00:08:56,913 --> 00:08:58,615
So Bart's not like me,
207
00:08:58,682 --> 00:09:00,183
Lisa's not like me.
208
00:09:00,217 --> 00:09:02,986
There will be no evidence
I was ever on this earth.
209
00:09:03,053 --> 00:09:05,355
Wait, wait. Maybe Maggie.
210
00:09:06,122 --> 00:09:07,557
(Marge humming)
211
00:09:08,725 --> 00:09:10,293
(sighs)
212
00:09:12,395 --> 00:09:14,664
How many times
I got to tell you, Homer?
213
00:09:14,764 --> 00:09:16,800
No outside peas.
214
00:09:17,767 --> 00:09:21,371
It's just that I realized the
kids totally take after Marge.
215
00:09:21,471 --> 00:09:23,707
- Nothing from me.
- Come on, Homer.
216
00:09:23,807 --> 00:09:26,309
There's got to be something
you passed on to your kids.
217
00:09:26,376 --> 00:09:28,612
That adorable way you pout?
218
00:09:28,678 --> 00:09:29,779
(grumbles)
219
00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:31,081
Uh, the way you can burp-sing
220
00:09:31,181 --> 00:09:32,349
the national anthem?
221
00:09:32,415 --> 00:09:34,351
Great chiming in today, guys.
222
00:09:34,417 --> 00:09:37,187
- Oh, thanks for noticing.
- Appreciate it.
223
00:09:38,555 --> 00:09:40,991
There is something
we have in common, Dad.
224
00:09:41,057 --> 00:09:42,726
That we're both made
out of beer?
225
00:09:42,826 --> 00:09:45,428
No, something deeper. Profound.
226
00:09:45,495 --> 00:09:46,963
Dark beer?
227
00:09:47,063 --> 00:09:48,932
You'll have
to figure it out yourself.
228
00:09:48,999 --> 00:09:51,668
Oh, I hate
when foam makes me think.
229
00:09:52,469 --> 00:09:55,472
Hey, you guys have forgotten
one thing.
230
00:09:55,572 --> 00:09:57,207
Lisa Simpson.
231
00:09:57,340 --> 00:09:59,809
She is 100% scientific proof
232
00:09:59,843 --> 00:10:01,177
that I exist.
233
00:10:01,278 --> 00:10:03,914
To Lisa "What's
Her Middle Name" Simpson.
234
00:10:04,014 --> 00:10:06,950
Daddy's little girl.
235
00:10:07,017 --> 00:10:09,119
No clinking? What's wrong?
236
00:10:09,185 --> 00:10:10,654
Yeah, well, truth be told,
237
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:14,090
uh, none of us was positive
Lisa was really your kid.
238
00:10:14,190 --> 00:10:16,059
She's smart as a whip.
239
00:10:16,126 --> 00:10:17,928
- Wha...?
- She can control her temper.
240
00:10:18,028 --> 00:10:19,596
Why, you...!
241
00:10:19,663 --> 00:10:21,197
You look exactly like her
242
00:10:21,264 --> 00:10:24,434
if she was a big, fat,
bald guy, which she's not.
243
00:10:24,501 --> 00:10:25,769
In the least.
244
00:10:25,835 --> 00:10:27,237
For your information,
245
00:10:27,304 --> 00:10:29,139
I'm gonna find a wonderful bond
246
00:10:29,205 --> 00:10:31,174
between myself
and my little girl.
247
00:10:31,241 --> 00:10:35,345
And you childless loners
are gonna be so jealous.
248
00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:38,915
You losers will never have this!
249
00:10:39,015 --> 00:10:40,050
Losers!
250
00:10:40,150 --> 00:10:41,918
Oh, right, Maggie's in the car.
251
00:10:42,018 --> 00:10:44,221
Shut the damn door!
252
00:10:46,923 --> 00:10:48,959
Marge, I see you're buying
253
00:10:49,059 --> 00:10:51,061
Slaughterhouse Sweepins
brand hot dogs.
254
00:10:51,127 --> 00:10:52,662
It must be so easy to shop
255
00:10:52,729 --> 00:10:55,966
when anything's good enough
for your family. (chuckles)
256
00:10:56,066 --> 00:10:57,500
Eh? Eh?
257
00:10:57,567 --> 00:10:59,302
No. No more pranking.
258
00:10:59,369 --> 00:11:02,672
Now we've got to buy food
before the prices go up.
259
00:11:02,806 --> 00:11:05,075
(Marge groaning nervously)
260
00:11:05,141 --> 00:11:07,844
Timothy and I prefer
Opera House Franks.
261
00:11:07,911 --> 00:11:09,746
Maybe you've seen
their commercials?
262
00:11:09,813 --> 00:11:11,314
Oh, wait,
they're only advertised
263
00:11:11,448 --> 00:11:14,351
on premium cable channels.
(chuckles)
264
00:11:14,451 --> 00:11:16,353
(grunts)
265
00:11:16,453 --> 00:11:18,521
♪ ♪
266
00:11:26,162 --> 00:11:28,398
(scanner beeps, stops)
267
00:11:29,432 --> 00:11:31,334
I need a price check on a pack
268
00:11:31,401 --> 00:11:33,637
- of Gassy Granny Underwear.
- (gasps)
269
00:11:33,737 --> 00:11:35,071
That's not mine.
270
00:11:35,171 --> 00:11:37,107
How did it get in my cart?
271
00:11:37,908 --> 00:11:39,476
I also need a price check
272
00:11:39,576 --> 00:11:42,646
on a gallon of Sober by Six
Day Drinker's Gin,
273
00:11:42,779 --> 00:11:45,181
Lady Stinkfoot Insoles,
274
00:11:45,282 --> 00:11:48,051
The Marvelous Mrs. Miser's
Week-Old Bread,
275
00:11:48,084 --> 00:11:50,353
Barely Helpful Herpes Ointment,
276
00:11:50,453 --> 00:11:53,557
FEMA Brand Emergency
Toilet Paper...
277
00:11:53,623 --> 00:11:56,993
and Garbage Mouth Bad Breath
Neutralizing Suppositories.
278
00:11:57,060 --> 00:11:58,728
(gasps)
279
00:11:58,795 --> 00:12:00,764
(both laughing)
280
00:12:00,797 --> 00:12:02,566
♪ ♪
281
00:12:04,868 --> 00:12:06,836
(grunting)
282
00:12:06,903 --> 00:12:09,906
HOMER: (gasps)
Vegetarians like food?
283
00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:12,842
Is that pulled pork
dripping with cheese?
284
00:12:12,909 --> 00:12:15,478
Uh, yes,
except instead of cheese,
285
00:12:15,545 --> 00:12:18,348
I'm using cashew paste
with nutritional yeast
286
00:12:18,415 --> 00:12:20,951
and for pork,
I'm substituting jackfruit.
287
00:12:21,051 --> 00:12:22,619
No pork?
288
00:12:22,719 --> 00:12:25,055
Jackfruit is vegan, abundant,
289
00:12:25,121 --> 00:12:26,990
and no plucking,
so it's cruelty-free.
290
00:12:27,057 --> 00:12:28,592
Try some.
291
00:12:30,060 --> 00:12:32,028
Hmm, not bad, not bad.
292
00:12:32,128 --> 00:12:34,731
This is it-- food is our thing.
293
00:12:34,798 --> 00:12:36,266
Well, if you like jackfruit,
294
00:12:36,366 --> 00:12:38,835
I know a place you will love.
295
00:12:38,902 --> 00:12:40,503
Mmm.
296
00:12:40,604 --> 00:12:42,505
It's probably
not what you're thinking.
297
00:12:42,572 --> 00:12:43,740
D'oh!
298
00:12:45,041 --> 00:12:47,544
Please give me the best
kombucha you have on tap,
299
00:12:47,611 --> 00:12:50,814
and a bottle
of your finest liquid aminos.
300
00:12:50,881 --> 00:12:53,617
You got it. Namaste.
301
00:12:56,620 --> 00:12:59,422
Mmm. Jicama sticks.
302
00:12:59,489 --> 00:13:01,024
(crunching)
303
00:13:01,091 --> 00:13:03,159
Dad, do you like this food?
304
00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:05,862
Oh, sweetie, I love this meal.
305
00:13:05,929 --> 00:13:08,098
I hated that meal.
306
00:13:08,164 --> 00:13:10,700
Oh, thank God I keep
an emergency sausage
307
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,535
beside the bed.
308
00:13:12,669 --> 00:13:14,170
Ew, what is this?
309
00:13:14,271 --> 00:13:15,906
It's a ground-up kickball.
310
00:13:15,939 --> 00:13:18,074
I pranked you.
(laughing)
311
00:13:18,174 --> 00:13:20,110
(Bart laughing in distance)
312
00:13:20,176 --> 00:13:22,512
Why, you little...!
(grunts)
313
00:13:22,612 --> 00:13:23,680
Ow!
314
00:13:23,747 --> 00:13:24,881
(Homer laughing)
315
00:13:24,981 --> 00:13:26,449
Ow! Ow! Ooh! See, Marge?
316
00:13:26,516 --> 00:13:28,552
That's why we shouldn't have
books in the house.
317
00:13:28,652 --> 00:13:31,421
Do you think
I like doing this pranking?
318
00:13:31,521 --> 00:13:34,090
When I'm done laughing,
I hate myself.
319
00:13:34,190 --> 00:13:35,959
I'm behaving like a little brat
320
00:13:36,059 --> 00:13:38,061
and it's made me
a better mother.
321
00:13:38,161 --> 00:13:40,430
But pranking isn't like you,
it's like me.
322
00:13:40,530 --> 00:13:42,432
We can't have two of me
in this marriage.
323
00:13:42,499 --> 00:13:44,367
One of me is enough
for three of us.
324
00:13:44,434 --> 00:13:47,504
But I can't stop, 'cause
I've never been closer to Bart.
325
00:13:47,604 --> 00:13:51,441
I've waited for a connection
like this for so long.
326
00:13:51,508 --> 00:13:53,810
Longer than
the new Avatar movie.
327
00:13:53,877 --> 00:13:55,178
It's coming, Marge.
328
00:13:55,312 --> 00:13:56,813
You've got to have faith.
329
00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:58,982
You sound like James Cameron, Homer.
330
00:13:59,049 --> 00:14:01,751
What if we never see
Pandora again?
331
00:14:01,818 --> 00:14:04,688
The real unobtanium
is the sequel.
332
00:14:04,754 --> 00:14:07,757
Have faith, have faith.
333
00:14:08,892 --> 00:14:10,927
Oh, sorry.
No one's allowed in the store
334
00:14:11,061 --> 00:14:12,996
while Mr. Burns shops
for the right chewing gum.
335
00:14:13,063 --> 00:14:14,764
Are you for real?
336
00:14:14,864 --> 00:14:16,800
I am. He doesn't want to, quote,
337
00:14:16,933 --> 00:14:18,201
"Catch your poverty."
338
00:14:18,268 --> 00:14:19,469
Double mint?
(scoffs)
339
00:14:19,569 --> 00:14:21,638
A little too strong
for my liking.
340
00:14:22,639 --> 00:14:23,974
My baby has a rash!
341
00:14:24,074 --> 00:14:26,176
And it makes her
a wiggle monster.
342
00:14:26,276 --> 00:14:30,113
Babies. When will you learn
that old people are our future?
343
00:14:31,314 --> 00:14:32,816
Please!
344
00:14:32,916 --> 00:14:34,718
Sorry,
I have a medical condition
345
00:14:34,784 --> 00:14:36,386
where I don't give a damn.
346
00:14:36,519 --> 00:14:37,520
(dial tone)
347
00:14:37,621 --> 00:14:39,222
♪ ♪
348
00:14:43,627 --> 00:14:45,829
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
349
00:14:45,896 --> 00:14:47,664
(laughs)
He'll just fall
350
00:14:47,764 --> 00:14:49,966
into that soft grass over there.
351
00:14:50,066 --> 00:14:51,368
(grunting)
352
00:14:55,505 --> 00:14:58,408
Ah! Ow! Oh!
353
00:14:58,475 --> 00:15:01,311
(Burns thumping)
354
00:15:01,378 --> 00:15:02,512
(grunting)
355
00:15:03,513 --> 00:15:05,415
(zapping)
356
00:15:05,549 --> 00:15:08,351
Oh, my God, Bart.
We went too far.
357
00:15:08,451 --> 00:15:10,987
You mean you went too far.
358
00:15:11,021 --> 00:15:12,255
We've never been closer!
359
00:15:16,693 --> 00:15:19,029
Marge, you're incredibly lucky
Mr. Burns is okay.
360
00:15:19,129 --> 00:15:20,997
It taught me a lesson, Smithers.
361
00:15:21,064 --> 00:15:23,033
- Life could end at any moment.
- Mm-hmm.
362
00:15:23,166 --> 00:15:25,068
So we have to jam as much evil
363
00:15:25,201 --> 00:15:27,704
as possible
into each remaining day.
364
00:15:27,771 --> 00:15:29,806
(squawking)
365
00:15:29,906 --> 00:15:30,974
(gulps)
366
00:15:31,074 --> 00:15:33,410
- (giggling)
- (squawking)
367
00:15:38,715 --> 00:15:40,850
What are you looking at?
368
00:15:40,917 --> 00:15:42,485
Marge, I don't understand.
369
00:15:42,586 --> 00:15:44,754
What made you attack
that hateful,
370
00:15:44,821 --> 00:15:46,990
nasty, hateful old man?
371
00:15:47,057 --> 00:15:49,192
Um, I was taught that a lady
372
00:15:49,292 --> 00:15:52,128
should never express
or experience emotions.
373
00:15:52,195 --> 00:15:54,864
And I don't,
except every couple of decades
374
00:15:54,898 --> 00:15:57,867
I snap.
Otherwise I'm just simmering,
375
00:15:57,934 --> 00:15:59,636
simmering,
simmering, simmering,
376
00:15:59,703 --> 00:16:02,272
- simmering, simmering...
- You must have been such a good little girl.
377
00:16:02,339 --> 00:16:04,774
I don't want to talk
anymore today.
378
00:16:04,841 --> 00:16:08,178
Well, it's up to you. We can
do this over 20 costly years,
379
00:16:08,245 --> 00:16:10,113
or you can have
your breakthrough now.
380
00:16:10,180 --> 00:16:12,649
Oh, people can have
instant breakthroughs?
381
00:16:12,749 --> 00:16:14,684
Not people with good insurance,
382
00:16:14,751 --> 00:16:16,386
but yours is lousy.
383
00:16:16,453 --> 00:16:17,888
(sobbing)
384
00:16:17,954 --> 00:16:19,990
Oh, my God!
385
00:16:20,056 --> 00:16:22,659
It's okay. It's okay.
386
00:16:22,726 --> 00:16:24,661
Therapists almost
never give useful advice,
387
00:16:24,728 --> 00:16:27,230
but here's what you do:
just find your old principal,
388
00:16:27,297 --> 00:16:29,399
make your peace,
and you'll feel better.
389
00:16:29,499 --> 00:16:30,667
Are you sure?
390
00:16:30,734 --> 00:16:34,371
As sure as I am I really
don't want to see you again.
391
00:16:36,139 --> 00:16:38,742
Bart, I-I'm sorry.
392
00:16:38,808 --> 00:16:40,477
Pranking is selfish and unkind.
393
00:16:40,577 --> 00:16:43,580
Even if it's hilarious.
I'm done.
394
00:16:43,647 --> 00:16:44,781
Mom, no!
395
00:16:44,881 --> 00:16:46,816
I don't know
who I am without pranking.
396
00:16:46,883 --> 00:16:48,351
It's in our blood.
397
00:16:48,418 --> 00:16:51,421
Like when you had me,
that was a total prank on Dad.
398
00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:55,325
If you give it up,
you're giving me up!
399
00:16:55,392 --> 00:16:57,694
(sobbing)
400
00:16:57,761 --> 00:16:59,763
♪ ♪
401
00:17:01,364 --> 00:17:03,199
Okay, fine.
402
00:17:03,300 --> 00:17:06,136
I think I have
one more prank left in me.
403
00:17:06,202 --> 00:17:09,306
And it's gonna be a real doozy.
404
00:17:09,372 --> 00:17:12,976
I love the way you say cool
things in lame ways.
405
00:17:13,043 --> 00:17:14,311
- Mm.
- (Bart grunts)
406
00:17:15,979 --> 00:17:18,348
This is great. So great.
407
00:17:18,448 --> 00:17:20,884
I would kill the Easter Bunny
for one meatball.
408
00:17:20,984 --> 00:17:23,453
- Now, we shred in some kale.
- Oh, no.
409
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:26,389
- And Brussels sprouts, tofu,
- You're killing me.
410
00:17:26,456 --> 00:17:28,925
- bell peppers, mushrooms,
- I'm gagging! Oh!
411
00:17:29,059 --> 00:17:31,261
- broccolini, artichokes.
- Don't say-- oh!
412
00:17:31,328 --> 00:17:33,230
- Want some blueberries?
- Ew! Yuck!
413
00:17:33,330 --> 00:17:34,664
Ooh, sunflower seeds.
414
00:17:34,764 --> 00:17:36,399
You know, if a bag of
pig knuckles fell in there,
415
00:17:36,466 --> 00:17:38,134
it wouldn't be
the end of the world.
416
00:17:38,201 --> 00:17:40,737
Dad, I love you,
but I don't want to do this
417
00:17:40,837 --> 00:17:42,505
if you're gonna... Homer it up.
418
00:17:42,606 --> 00:17:45,075
My name is a verb,
meaning "to ruin"?
419
00:17:45,141 --> 00:17:47,043
- That is pretty Homer-ed up.
- I'm sorry.
420
00:17:47,077 --> 00:17:49,112
- Just try a sip.
- (slurps)
421
00:17:49,179 --> 00:17:50,347
What do you think?
422
00:17:50,447 --> 00:17:51,948
(lisping):
Soggy and underseasoned.
423
00:17:52,015 --> 00:17:54,517
I'm sorry. I hate this.
424
00:17:54,584 --> 00:17:58,288
I have no similarities
with any of my offspring.
425
00:17:58,355 --> 00:18:00,423
(lisping):
My tongue is swelling, too!
426
00:18:00,490 --> 00:18:03,894
Hey! Look at us! Our throats
are closing as one.
427
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,796
Aw. Want to share an ambulance?
428
00:18:06,897 --> 00:18:08,899
Yes.
429
00:18:08,999 --> 00:18:10,367
It turns out you two have
430
00:18:10,433 --> 00:18:12,769
many common allergies, including
431
00:18:12,869 --> 00:18:14,671
allspice, dust, feathers, fur,
432
00:18:14,771 --> 00:18:16,973
the stuff in peanut butter
that isn't peanuts,
433
00:18:17,073 --> 00:18:20,076
also peanuts, animal dander,
Irish Spring--
434
00:18:20,143 --> 00:18:21,545
the season and the soap--
435
00:18:21,645 --> 00:18:24,781
and the smell of honeysuckle
on a dark Georgia night.
436
00:18:24,881 --> 00:18:27,050
- (moans)
- What's wrong, Dad?
437
00:18:27,117 --> 00:18:29,052
You're such a great kid.
438
00:18:29,152 --> 00:18:31,655
Sorry I passed down
all those bad parts.
439
00:18:31,721 --> 00:18:34,925
Dad, you passed down the most
important part of yourself.
440
00:18:35,025 --> 00:18:36,593
Your kind heart.
441
00:18:36,660 --> 00:18:40,263
(coughs) I'm afraid
I'm allergic to treacle.
442
00:18:40,363 --> 00:18:43,199
(hacking)
443
00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:46,503
I'm here to apologize.
444
00:18:46,570 --> 00:18:49,706
Let me guess,
there's bees inside.
445
00:18:49,839 --> 00:18:52,909
Please, I just want you
to know I'm a good person.
446
00:18:53,043 --> 00:18:54,544
I really am.
447
00:18:54,611 --> 00:18:57,347
Just sniff the flowers,
you'll see.
448
00:18:58,114 --> 00:18:59,649
(sniffs, screams)
449
00:18:59,749 --> 00:19:01,451
Oh! Meanie!
450
00:19:01,518 --> 00:19:03,119
(both laughing)
451
00:19:03,153 --> 00:19:04,921
We got you!
452
00:19:04,988 --> 00:19:08,024
I've always hated children.
453
00:19:08,058 --> 00:19:10,794
(gasps)
¡Ay, caramba!
454
00:19:16,032 --> 00:19:17,467
You're going to juvie
455
00:19:17,534 --> 00:19:19,135
and you're going
to women's prison.
456
00:19:19,202 --> 00:19:20,704
And the victim is gonna
be buried
457
00:19:20,770 --> 00:19:23,173
with deceased members
of the Blue Man Group,
458
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,942
which there are
way more than you'd think.
459
00:19:26,042 --> 00:19:29,145
(laughing):
All died in hilarious ways.
460
00:19:30,113 --> 00:19:32,015
Oh, my God, oh, my God!
Please be alive.
461
00:19:32,082 --> 00:19:34,584
I'll never prank again. Never!
462
00:19:34,651 --> 00:19:36,653
- (screams)
- We got ya!
463
00:19:36,753 --> 00:19:38,755
(both laughing)
464
00:19:39,556 --> 00:19:42,492
Uh-oh, Lou. We have got
a zombie situation here.
465
00:19:42,592 --> 00:19:45,095
Aim for the brain.
It's the only way.
466
00:19:45,161 --> 00:19:47,063
Just teaching
a lesson to my son.
467
00:19:47,163 --> 00:19:49,165
She was never dead.
468
00:19:49,266 --> 00:19:50,533
She's a zombie lover, Lou!
469
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:52,969
Aim for both their heads.
It's the only way.
470
00:19:53,036 --> 00:19:54,638
They're not zombies, Chief.
471
00:19:54,704 --> 00:19:56,706
And neither were the Wilsons.
472
00:19:56,806 --> 00:19:58,975
Uh, don't mention the Wilsons.
473
00:19:59,042 --> 00:20:00,810
So, Mom, you taught me
the dangers of pranking
474
00:20:00,911 --> 00:20:02,612
while pulling an awesome prank.
475
00:20:02,679 --> 00:20:03,813
Lesson learned.
476
00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:05,048
Have some peanut brittle.
477
00:20:05,181 --> 00:20:07,117
Mm-hmm, no snakes?
478
00:20:07,183 --> 00:20:09,686
I took out the snakes and
actually put in peanut brittle.
479
00:20:09,753 --> 00:20:12,188
That's how much I respect you.
480
00:20:14,624 --> 00:20:15,525
Hmm.
481
00:20:15,625 --> 00:20:19,029
Well, you know I love you
and I always will.
482
00:20:19,095 --> 00:20:21,097
But enough with the pranking.
483
00:20:21,197 --> 00:20:23,366
Enough with the pranking.
484
00:20:24,868 --> 00:20:26,336
(both grunt)
485
00:20:29,339 --> 00:20:30,440
(chuckles)
486
00:20:33,476 --> 00:20:35,512
(laughs)
487
00:20:48,258 --> 00:20:49,526
"Dear Agnes, I'm so sorry
488
00:20:49,593 --> 00:20:50,961
"I put laxatives
in your dog's food.
489
00:20:51,061 --> 00:20:52,729
"Then secretly filmed it.
490
00:20:52,862 --> 00:20:56,233
"Then sent it to America's
Worst Carpet Disasters.
491
00:20:56,299 --> 00:21:00,003
"Then I won. And used the prize
money to buy more laxatives.
492
00:21:00,070 --> 00:21:02,739
Sincerely, Marge."
493
00:21:02,839 --> 00:21:05,909
(groans)
Another one done.
494
00:21:05,976 --> 00:21:08,578
(exhales)
Well, that's the A's.
495
00:21:08,678 --> 00:21:10,313
"Dear Bernice..."
496
00:21:10,447 --> 00:21:12,983
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
497
00:21:13,049 --> 00:21:16,019
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
498
00:21:16,086 --> 00:21:19,256
And FORD.
We go further, so you can.
499
00:21:19,322 --> 00:21:22,759
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
500
00:21:31,601 --> 00:21:33,303
Shh!