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00:00:00,166 --> 00:00:02,166
(theme music playing)
2
00:00:02,333 --> 00:00:05,333
CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
3
00:00:08,083 --> 00:00:10,667
Oh, boy, Lenny is gonna be so surprised.
4
00:00:10,750 --> 00:00:12,375
And I got the perfect card.
5
00:00:12,458 --> 00:00:13,500
CARL: Uh-huh!
6
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"Over the hill than under it." Yeah.
7
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Having chipped in, you may now sign.
8
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Nice work.
9
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No "best wishes," I like the restraint.
10
00:00:25,375 --> 00:00:28,959
Yeah, I thought about "regards,"
but Lenny knows how I feel.
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(pens squeaking)
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OK, everybody, be quiet.
13
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Lenny's gonna be here any minute. Shh.
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(chuckles excitedly)
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ALL: Sur... prise.
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(all groaning)
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I thought
this was my blood transfusion room,
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00:00:45,208 --> 00:00:47,333
but, uh, there's not a baby in sight.
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It's a surprise party for Lenny, sir.
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Everybody chipped in five bucks
for a card and a cake
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00:00:53,083 --> 00:00:56,750
and a show by close-up magician
Abraca-Debra.
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-(all gasping)
-What? Damn!
23
00:01:00,125 --> 00:01:02,709
Well, in that case,
I suppose I should sign, too.
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"With regards, C. Montgomery Burns."
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Mm. Hmm.
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(humming)
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Ah, Lenny, happy birthday.
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(all groan)
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(groans angrily)
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This is the greatest birthday ever!
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And best of all, Mr. Burns signed my card.
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To everyone who chipped in.
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(echoing) Chipped in. Chipped in.
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(distorting) Chipped in.
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What kind of person signs a birthday card
and doesn't chip in?
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00:01:46,250 --> 00:01:48,208
You sign the card, you got to chip in.
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00:01:48,291 --> 00:01:51,792
-It's the code of the card.
-How big did he sign?
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Eddie Bauer big.
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(gasps)
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Stupid unpaid signature.
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This is the worst thing that ever happened
at a nuclear power plant.
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Homie, just let it go.
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Don't let a signature drive you crazy.
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You're right, honey.
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I'll let it go.
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I don't know what I'd do without you.
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-(screams)
-(Homer gasps)
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BURNS: Happy birthday, Lenny.
49
00:02:16,792 --> 00:02:18,583
No. No!
50
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No!
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00:02:20,375 --> 00:02:21,375
(gasping)
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00:02:21,458 --> 00:02:23,125
Homie, what is it?
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00:02:23,208 --> 00:02:28,458
I had the most horrible nightmare
where I listened to your advice.
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HOMER: OK, OK.
55
00:02:30,792 --> 00:02:32,041
OK, Homer, you can do this.
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You can make things right.
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(grunting)
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(imitates guitar)
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(gobbling)
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Mr. Burns, everyone who signed
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00:02:44,417 --> 00:02:46,959
that birthday card
chipped in except for you.
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You owe five dollars.
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How dare you...
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give that the slightest worry.
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00:02:53,709 --> 00:02:56,959
Hope you didn't lose any sleep
over this little misunderstanding.
66
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Here, have a cricket on a thread
for good luck.
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(chirps)
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00:03:03,041 --> 00:03:04,542
You monster...
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00:03:04,625 --> 00:03:06,041
taking advantage of an old man.
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What are you talking about?
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00:03:07,375 --> 00:03:08,875
Mr. Burns is heavily medicated
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on a round-the-clock regimen
of skin thickeners.
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(sighs)
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00:03:14,917 --> 00:03:18,458
The side effect of that medication
is bouts of uncontrollable decency.
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And you exploited that.
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00:03:20,458 --> 00:03:22,834
I'm demoting you
to the worst job in this place,
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supervising the nuclear plant interns.
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(groans nervously)
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(chirps)
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(bird caws)
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00:03:33,959 --> 00:03:37,792
Listen up, millenniums. I'm Homer Simpson,
your new supervisor.
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So stop Snapchatting, Fortnite-ing
and swiping right on your Uber Venmos.
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We're actually replicating
plant start-up sequences
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00:03:46,458 --> 00:03:49,417
to simulate the effects
of high-demand energy draws.
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00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:52,417
Contamination versus irradiation--
your thoughts?
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00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:56,000
Address rate of reaction.
What variables can we assume?
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00:03:56,083 --> 00:03:58,417
Uh...
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Der... Uh... Der-der...
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Der...
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This guy is denser than osmium-188.
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(interns laugh)
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Are my ears hearing this?
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Are you seriously busting the clangers
of Homer J. Simpsons?
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00:04:18,625 --> 00:04:21,959
This man is a god
and his clangers are unbustable.
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00:04:22,041 --> 00:04:25,709
You're looking at the Michael Jordan
of Sector 7G.
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00:04:25,792 --> 00:04:28,875
And you humps aren't worthy
to swill his backwash.
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You're sticking up for me?
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Who are you?
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Mike Wegman, nuclear intern.
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And your number-one fan.
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00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:39,667
Yeah, well, your hero has a Pop-Tart
in his cell phone holster.
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-(laughter)
-(groans)
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Are you kidding?
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(groans angrily)
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No one disrespects Homer Simpsons.
106
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Not you, Ricky, with your standing desk.
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It's not a workout. It's been disproven.
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00:04:57,083 --> 00:04:58,583
And not you, Gretchen,
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drinking coffee creamer
straight from the bottle.
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You exude amaretto, you freak.
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00:05:03,250 --> 00:05:08,000
And, Benjamin, no one ever got trampled
at a Michael Bublé concert.
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Drop the friggin' lawsuit,
you're clogging up the system.
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This man is a dynamo.
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So you shaved coconuts
give him your full respect.
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All right, all right. Sorry, Mr. Simpson.
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Looking forward to learning
from you, Mr. Simpson.
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People at work usually yell at me,
not for me.
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How do you know who I am?
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(laughs) So modest. What a dynamo.
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-Because of this.
-Hmm?
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MIKE: Whenever there's trouble,
you are at the heart of the action.
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Number six is why
all those horses went bald.
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00:05:37,458 --> 00:05:40,375
Yeah. Well, I-- I-- I've been
looking up to you for so long
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from the cheap seats,
and now we're finally face-to-face,
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I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I got to ask,
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w-- will you be my coach? My sensei?
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Homer J. Simpsons, will you be my mentor?
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(gasps)
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If you accept, let me know
by taking this half a PowerBar.
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I rolled up the wrapper really good
so there's no pocket lint.
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Mike Wegmans, I will be your mentor.
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(sighs)
133
00:06:17,375 --> 00:06:21,667
OK, which of these ties is better
for my first day as a mentor?
134
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Purple stripes or this one?
135
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(sniffs) Are you wearing my perfume?
136
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I like it on you, he'll like it on me.
137
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Dad, it's not often that you--
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how do I put this--
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care so much about your job?
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Well, now that I'm a mentor,
everything's changed.
141
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For the first time, another human being
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is dependent on me
to guide them through life.
143
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(Bart and Lisa groaning)
144
00:06:45,917 --> 00:06:48,250
This guy I'm menting is so cool.
145
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He listens with his mouth open.
146
00:06:50,542 --> 00:06:53,959
He's been blocked
by so many celebrities on Twitter.
147
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And he thinks I'm the most valuable worker
at the entire nuclear plant.
148
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Oh, I get it.
149
00:06:59,041 --> 00:07:01,542
He's super dumb. (laughs)
150
00:07:01,625 --> 00:07:03,375
Mock all you want.
151
00:07:03,458 --> 00:07:06,458
I finally have someone at work
who admires me.
152
00:07:07,875 --> 00:07:10,041
(all laughing)
153
00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:11,583
He's fat.
154
00:07:11,667 --> 00:07:13,375
Homer, your pants.
155
00:07:13,458 --> 00:07:14,875
They'll come around again.
156
00:07:14,959 --> 00:07:16,834
They always do.
157
00:07:19,083 --> 00:07:20,542
There's my thoroughbred.
158
00:07:20,625 --> 00:07:22,542
I-- I got your coffee
just the way you like it.
159
00:07:22,625 --> 00:07:24,625
No coffee, just doughnut holes.
160
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Oh, my God, are you busting my bricks?
161
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I-- Is this real?
162
00:07:30,458 --> 00:07:32,041
Sector 7G.
163
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7G, where Olympus fears to tread.
164
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He sure does.
165
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OK, you are a category five
hurricane of knowledge,
166
00:07:40,083 --> 00:07:42,750
and I'm like that old idiot
who won't leave his beach house.
167
00:07:42,834 --> 00:07:45,583
Please, drown me in my attic
with what you know.
168
00:07:45,667 --> 00:07:47,125
I thought you might say that.
169
00:07:47,208 --> 00:07:50,792
So I've prepared inspirational posters.
170
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I feel like Amar'e Stoudemire
171
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when he first set foot in Jerusalem.
172
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(chuckling)
173
00:07:57,166 --> 00:07:58,291
W-- What else you got?
174
00:07:58,375 --> 00:07:59,917
-Uh, let's see...
-Uh-huh.
175
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,458
-Don't forget about the, uh...
-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Yeah.
176
00:08:01,542 --> 00:08:02,917
-Oh, uh, and, of course...
-Gold.
177
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,417
-...you got to, you just got to.
-Gold. OK.
178
00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:05,917
-Because if you don't...
-Soakin' it in. Gold.
179
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,417
-Well, oh.
-Soakin' it in.
180
00:08:07,500 --> 00:08:08,917
-Well, they don't have that anymore.
-I can remember this.
181
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,417
-And you see these?
-Yeah.
182
00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:12,709
-I'm gonna tell you that later.
-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Yeah.
183
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:14,333
I can't believe this.
184
00:08:14,417 --> 00:08:18,750
I-- I'm only 35 and I am sitting
at the feet of the atomic Baba Booey.
185
00:08:18,834 --> 00:08:21,291
Mm. You're 35?
186
00:08:21,375 --> 00:08:23,291
Then why do you have a job
of a 20-year-old
187
00:08:23,375 --> 00:08:24,959
and talk like a ten-year-old?
188
00:08:25,041 --> 00:08:26,000
Here's how it is.
189
00:08:26,083 --> 00:08:28,709
So, my buddy 'Nesto and me
were cleaning gutters for cash,
190
00:08:28,792 --> 00:08:34,166
when that idiot 'Nesto falls off
and lands on a doghouse. Stupid 'Nesto.
191
00:08:34,250 --> 00:08:36,625
Then my parents are on my case
to get a real career,
192
00:08:36,709 --> 00:08:38,458
something "closer to the ground."
193
00:08:38,542 --> 00:08:42,959
So I thought, "Why not follow my hero
into man's greatest calling?
194
00:08:43,041 --> 00:08:44,750
Nuclear whatever."
195
00:08:44,834 --> 00:08:47,625
So I went down to the plant,
told them I was part Native American--
196
00:08:47,709 --> 00:08:51,792
I could be, I always liked those guys--
and boom! I'm an intern.
197
00:08:51,875 --> 00:08:54,583
Three short years later,
got myself a mentor.
198
00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:57,500
Wow. My posters really worked.
199
00:08:57,583 --> 00:08:59,667
But you don't need me
telling you how great you are,
200
00:08:59,750 --> 00:09:01,583
y-- you get enough of that at home.
201
00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:03,417
(distorted laughter)
202
00:09:05,375 --> 00:09:08,000
BURNS: Happy birthday, Lenny.
203
00:09:08,083 --> 00:09:09,792
Say, Mike,
204
00:09:09,875 --> 00:09:12,667
why don't you come over
to my house for dinner?
205
00:09:12,750 --> 00:09:16,667
I've got some people I'd like to introduce
to the way you act around me.
206
00:09:16,750 --> 00:09:18,500
OK. I-- I could do that.
207
00:09:18,583 --> 00:09:20,291
I could make that happen.
208
00:09:20,375 --> 00:09:21,792
Huh. I got this.
209
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,709
Hey, Lenny, you duck-faced psycho,
210
00:09:23,792 --> 00:09:27,667
guess who's going to Homer Simpson's house
for a meal? Me.
211
00:09:27,750 --> 00:09:29,375
CARL: Uh, I'm Carl.
212
00:09:30,750 --> 00:09:32,583
I wish you would give me
more of a heads-up
213
00:09:32,667 --> 00:09:35,208
before inviting a mentee for dinner.
214
00:09:35,291 --> 00:09:36,458
I guess we'll have enough
215
00:09:36,542 --> 00:09:40,041
if I double the chip layer
on the casserole.
216
00:09:40,125 --> 00:09:43,375
Don't worry, you're gonna love this kid.
217
00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:45,959
Kid? He looks 40-plus.
218
00:09:46,041 --> 00:09:48,875
Oh, Homer, she is a beaut.
219
00:09:48,959 --> 00:09:51,208
Now I know why you're always
napping at work.
220
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:52,917
Mr. Plow, indeed.
221
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,917
Hello. I'm Marge.
222
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:56,750
Mike Wegman. This is Maureen.
223
00:09:56,834 --> 00:09:59,417
And this is Patrick Ewing Wegman.
224
00:09:59,500 --> 00:10:02,208
It's a girl. You can't name her Patrick.
225
00:10:02,291 --> 00:10:04,750
2.4 blocks per game, lifetime.
226
00:10:04,834 --> 00:10:06,500
She's Patrick.
227
00:10:06,583 --> 00:10:08,083
Look at this spread.
228
00:10:08,166 --> 00:10:10,375
I-- I was expecting,
like, a-- a party sub,
229
00:10:10,458 --> 00:10:13,125
but hot carrots? Who thinks of that?
230
00:10:13,208 --> 00:10:15,625
Slow it, you'll burn your mouth again.
231
00:10:15,709 --> 00:10:17,333
All right, all right,
I'm gonna blow on 'em.
232
00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:18,667
(blowing)
233
00:10:18,750 --> 00:10:20,458
Thank you for having us.
234
00:10:20,542 --> 00:10:23,250
Mike admires your husband so much.
235
00:10:23,333 --> 00:10:25,250
Do you hear that? So much!
236
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,291
They don't admire me any much.
237
00:10:27,375 --> 00:10:28,917
(chuckles)
238
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,834
You better hold on to this guy, Marge,
239
00:10:30,917 --> 00:10:33,250
'cause if he were single,
he'd be cleaning up.
240
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:35,917
I mean cleaning up, knee-deep.
241
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,166
(chuckles) Don't worry, honey.
242
00:10:37,250 --> 00:10:39,291
You're the only woman for me.
243
00:10:39,375 --> 00:10:40,667
I wasn't worried.
244
00:10:40,750 --> 00:10:44,166
So, Mrs. Wegman, how did you two meet?
245
00:10:44,250 --> 00:10:45,917
Oh, well, you're gonna love this story.
246
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,917
It's so romantic. Tell her, honey.
247
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,166
Go ahead, tell her.
248
00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:51,041
He was a waiter at my wedding.
249
00:10:51,125 --> 00:10:52,959
She was so beautiful,
like one of those girls
250
00:10:53,041 --> 00:10:55,291
you see leaving Vinny's bedroom
on Entourage
251
00:10:55,375 --> 00:10:56,834
that don't say nothin'.
252
00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:58,208
(Mike laughs)
253
00:10:58,333 --> 00:10:59,583
(slurps)
254
00:11:01,875 --> 00:11:03,917
So, Mike, you seem like a sharp tack.
255
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,208
What exactly is my dad teaching you?
256
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:08,458
How to eat doughnuts while napping?
257
00:11:08,542 --> 00:11:09,792
(snorts, laughs)
258
00:11:09,875 --> 00:11:12,542
Did this little hump just say
what I thought I heard?
259
00:11:12,625 --> 00:11:14,250
It's OK, Mike. I don't sweat it.
260
00:11:14,333 --> 00:11:16,667
Yeah, Mike, the only thing
Homer sweats is gravy.
261
00:11:16,750 --> 00:11:18,166
-(laughs)
-(groans angrily)
262
00:11:19,709 --> 00:11:22,417
No one disrespects Homer Simpsons!
263
00:11:22,500 --> 00:11:25,792
Especially not
an ugly little punk like you.
264
00:11:25,875 --> 00:11:27,250
That's right, I said "ugly."
265
00:11:27,333 --> 00:11:29,250
Your head looks like a rejected Muppet.
266
00:11:29,333 --> 00:11:31,750
Two golf balls glued to a can of oats.
267
00:11:31,834 --> 00:11:35,458
Between that Tommy Lasorda gut
and those toothpick legs,
268
00:11:35,542 --> 00:11:38,834
you are not a kid--
you are a walkin' potato clock.
269
00:11:40,875 --> 00:11:44,208
Ha-ha-ha! Ugly! Ha!
270
00:11:44,291 --> 00:11:46,000
(laughing uncontrollably)
271
00:11:46,083 --> 00:11:49,000
Muppet... (continues laughing)
272
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:52,792
Ah! Toothpick legs!
273
00:11:52,875 --> 00:11:53,834
Potato clock!
274
00:11:54,208 --> 00:11:56,041
(sobbing)
275
00:12:00,208 --> 00:12:02,667
I'm just bustin' your clangers, kid.
All right, it's OK.
276
00:12:02,750 --> 00:12:04,625
I want you out!
277
00:12:05,709 --> 00:12:08,041
(Bart sobbing)
278
00:12:10,417 --> 00:12:13,166
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
279
00:12:13,250 --> 00:12:15,709
Where's the baby registered?
280
00:12:15,792 --> 00:12:17,166
MAUREEN: DraftKings!
281
00:12:17,667 --> 00:12:20,500
How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?
282
00:12:20,583 --> 00:12:22,208
Once would be nice.
283
00:12:22,291 --> 00:12:24,625
Wow, you're really bustin' my clangers.
284
00:12:24,709 --> 00:12:26,083
That guy's a lunatic.
285
00:12:26,166 --> 00:12:27,417
He's not crazy.
286
00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:29,250
He's the only one that respects me!
287
00:12:29,333 --> 00:12:31,458
The kids and I respect you.
288
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:33,500
All you guys ever did was love me.
289
00:12:33,583 --> 00:12:35,792
But look me in the eyes
and tell me you respect me,
290
00:12:35,875 --> 00:12:37,625
as a nuclear guy.
291
00:12:37,709 --> 00:12:39,583
(laughs nervously)
292
00:12:42,834 --> 00:12:44,792
I just liked the feeling
293
00:12:44,875 --> 00:12:47,250
that one person thinks
I'm good at something.
294
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:49,709
Mm, I get it, Homie.
295
00:12:49,792 --> 00:12:53,500
But if you really want to help this guy,
help him grow up.
296
00:12:54,625 --> 00:12:55,583
(groans softly)
297
00:12:55,667 --> 00:12:56,917
(bird caws)
298
00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:00,166
MIKE: Come on, Fordham,
Bucknell's got no rim protection.
299
00:13:00,250 --> 00:13:02,250
They're garbage. Just cover the spread.
300
00:13:02,333 --> 00:13:03,500
(groans)
301
00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:05,291
Hey, Homer. How's it clangin'?
302
00:13:05,375 --> 00:13:07,583
I'm, uh, just tunin' in
to a little college hoops.
303
00:13:07,667 --> 00:13:10,375
Yeah, Mike, I was thinking,
304
00:13:10,458 --> 00:13:14,250
if you weren't a 35-year-old unpaid intern
305
00:13:14,333 --> 00:13:17,500
with a baby on the way,
do you have any other dreams?
306
00:13:17,583 --> 00:13:20,375
Ah, man, you are
mentoring me hard right now.
307
00:13:20,458 --> 00:13:22,542
Oh, OK, I'm gonna tell you,
but don't laugh.
308
00:13:22,625 --> 00:13:23,709
I won't.
309
00:13:23,792 --> 00:13:25,834
-Slices.
-Uh-huh.
310
00:13:25,917 --> 00:13:27,750
Nothing better than getting
a slice of pizza, right?
311
00:13:27,834 --> 00:13:30,709
But it's always been under
the heat lamp all dried out.
312
00:13:30,792 --> 00:13:32,625
Damn heat lamp.
313
00:13:32,709 --> 00:13:35,458
Right. So why not make the pizza
one slice at a time,
314
00:13:35,542 --> 00:13:36,709
hot and fresh?
315
00:13:36,792 --> 00:13:39,208
Every slice is Derek Jeter.
316
00:13:39,291 --> 00:13:41,291
No Scott Brosius in the bunch.
317
00:13:41,375 --> 00:13:43,709
(gasps) That's genius!
318
00:13:43,792 --> 00:13:45,542
Oh, my God, I can't believe you like it.
319
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:48,583
Mike! You know what
you should call your slices?
320
00:13:48,667 --> 00:13:51,166
Mike's Slices.
321
00:13:51,250 --> 00:13:52,291
I'm Mike!
322
00:13:52,375 --> 00:13:57,458
Yeah! OK, what you need is an investor,
and I know the perfect person.
323
00:13:57,542 --> 00:13:59,542
He gave me five dollars.
324
00:14:00,083 --> 00:14:04,500
Every slice hot and fresh
from the oven into your mouth.
325
00:14:04,583 --> 00:14:06,625
Every slice a Jeter.
326
00:14:06,709 --> 00:14:09,041
No Scott Brosiuses.
327
00:14:09,125 --> 00:14:12,041
Why can't I get a whole pizza
and slice it myself?
328
00:14:12,125 --> 00:14:13,583
There are no whole pizzas.
329
00:14:13,667 --> 00:14:16,417
It's just slices, hot and fresh.
330
00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:19,000
And don't worry about investing
with this guy, Mr. Burns,
331
00:14:19,083 --> 00:14:23,875
because he's backed by the full mentorship
of Homer J. Simpsons.
332
00:14:23,959 --> 00:14:26,375
Then it's my pleasure to tell you...
333
00:14:26,458 --> 00:14:30,291
that that is the stupidest idea
I've ever heard.
334
00:14:30,375 --> 00:14:33,291
Get this intern out of my office,
you nincompoop!
335
00:14:33,375 --> 00:14:34,375
(groans angrily)
336
00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:35,875
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
337
00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:40,208
Ho! No one disrespects Homer J. Simpsons.
338
00:14:40,291 --> 00:14:42,041
No, Mike, don't.
339
00:14:42,125 --> 00:14:44,291
Nin... com... poop!
340
00:14:44,375 --> 00:14:46,542
Listen to me, you skunk-bag
full of Centrum Silver
341
00:14:46,625 --> 00:14:48,542
sitting on your peanut brittle ass
342
00:14:48,625 --> 00:14:50,667
with your turn-of-the-century
buzzard face.
343
00:14:50,750 --> 00:14:53,458
You ain't worthy to squeegee
this man's back sweat.
344
00:14:53,542 --> 00:14:55,667
You smell like Chinese food
that someone left
345
00:14:55,750 --> 00:14:56,959
in an old jack-o'-lantern.
346
00:14:57,041 --> 00:15:00,375
My mentor is the shiniest diamond
in the whole Zales,
347
00:15:00,458 --> 00:15:04,917
so stuff your organs back in their jars
and crawl in your mummy box,
348
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,667
you sick, fungused-up, hep-C Dracula!
349
00:15:09,166 --> 00:15:10,750
(gasps)
350
00:15:10,834 --> 00:15:13,000
By the way, he's off his happy pills.
351
00:15:16,667 --> 00:15:19,583
You're lucky Mr. Burns' gun
was 200 years old.
352
00:15:19,667 --> 00:15:23,208
Yeah, but now my doctor says
I can't get shot in the face again.
353
00:15:23,291 --> 00:15:25,083
Who's ugly now, pellet-head?
354
00:15:25,166 --> 00:15:27,166
(chuckles mockingly)
355
00:15:28,083 --> 00:15:30,333
Come on, it's OK. Don't cry.
356
00:15:30,417 --> 00:15:33,000
I'm not. All the BBs in my head
are making it heavy.
357
00:15:33,083 --> 00:15:34,709
Mike, this is all my fault.
358
00:15:34,792 --> 00:15:37,583
I know you think
I'm a great nuclear guy, but I'm not.
359
00:15:37,667 --> 00:15:39,500
I didn't stop those accidents.
360
00:15:39,583 --> 00:15:40,917
I caused them.
361
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,583
-Huh? No. No.
-(BBs clattering)
362
00:15:42,667 --> 00:15:46,375
All my posters-- "Bet on Yourself,"
"Go Big or Go Home"--
363
00:15:46,458 --> 00:15:49,750
I was caught shoplifting those
from a poster store.
364
00:15:49,875 --> 00:15:52,792
I was trying to go big,
and they wouldn't let me go home.
365
00:15:52,875 --> 00:15:56,291
Mike, face it, I'm a bad mentor.
366
00:15:56,375 --> 00:16:00,458
No one disrespects Homer Simpsons.
Not even you.
367
00:16:00,542 --> 00:16:04,375
You're the best mentor a lousy
bride-banger like me could ever ask for.
368
00:16:04,458 --> 00:16:06,250
And I'm gonna prove it.
369
00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:07,834
-(door closes)
-Who spilled BBs
370
00:16:07,917 --> 00:16:10,000
-all over the... Whoa!
-(BBs clattering)
371
00:16:12,083 --> 00:16:13,792
MIKE: Yo! Mentor!
372
00:16:15,250 --> 00:16:18,709
("That's Amore" instrumental
playing over PA)
373
00:16:18,792 --> 00:16:20,208
(tires screech)
374
00:16:20,625 --> 00:16:25,083
Anybody want a slice of pizza
that wasn't sliced from a pizza?
375
00:16:25,166 --> 00:16:26,667
Where'd you get a food truck?
376
00:16:26,750 --> 00:16:29,917
It's all 'cause of you, mentor,
all 'cause of you. Deal with it.
377
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,291
The boys and I will take a large pie.
378
00:16:32,375 --> 00:16:33,959
Can't you read a truck, Cookie Puss?
379
00:16:34,041 --> 00:16:35,208
Slices only!
380
00:16:35,291 --> 00:16:37,125
All righty, three slices, please.
381
00:16:37,208 --> 00:16:41,083
They'll be ready in 13, 26 and 39 minutes.
382
00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:42,959
And don't block the window, sizzle chest.
383
00:16:43,041 --> 00:16:45,709
When will my slice be ready?
384
00:16:45,792 --> 00:16:50,834
And by "slice," I mean the first payment
on your outstanding loan.
385
00:16:51,250 --> 00:16:53,625
You borrowed money from the mob?
386
00:16:53,709 --> 00:16:55,625
No, no, no, no, no, no. It's all good.
387
00:16:55,709 --> 00:16:59,458
I took a one-week loan from Fat Tony
for a hundred grand.
388
00:16:59,542 --> 00:17:01,166
I put $50k into the truck
389
00:17:01,250 --> 00:17:03,750
and then bet the other 50
on tonight's Lehigh game,
390
00:17:03,834 --> 00:17:04,834
which is a lock.
391
00:17:04,917 --> 00:17:09,458
So when I win the bet, I pay back the mob,
and I own the truck free and clear.
392
00:17:09,542 --> 00:17:10,792
Oh, no.
393
00:17:10,875 --> 00:17:13,125
You bet on yourself!
394
00:17:13,208 --> 00:17:15,500
Go big or go home, baby.
395
00:17:15,583 --> 00:17:17,375
ANNOUNCER: And Lehigh's in trouble
396
00:17:17,458 --> 00:17:20,166
as Holy Cross goes
on an unanswered 20-point run.
397
00:17:20,250 --> 00:17:23,208
(shouts) No, no, no, Lehigh is a lock!
398
00:17:23,291 --> 00:17:26,000
They're undefeated on floors
with hockey ice beneath them.
399
00:17:26,083 --> 00:17:30,208
Yet again, a man's life hangs
by the gossamer thread
400
00:17:30,291 --> 00:17:32,500
of Patriot League basketball.
401
00:17:32,583 --> 00:17:34,375
Guns up.
402
00:17:35,166 --> 00:17:37,208
ANNOUNCER:
But Lehigh takes the lead with a three
403
00:17:37,291 --> 00:17:39,000
from way behind the arc.
404
00:17:39,083 --> 00:17:40,875
-BOTH: Yes!
-Guns down.
405
00:17:40,959 --> 00:17:42,083
(uncocking guns)
406
00:17:42,166 --> 00:17:43,500
ANNOUNCER: But the Crusaders answer
407
00:17:43,583 --> 00:17:45,583
-with a floater in the key!
-(cocking guns)
408
00:17:45,667 --> 00:17:48,625
And Lehigh comes back with a monster dunk!
409
00:17:48,709 --> 00:17:50,917
-Yeah!
-(uncocking guns)
410
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:54,917
As the final seconds tick away,
Lehigh has this one in the bag!
411
00:17:54,959 --> 00:17:56,250
BOTH: Whoo-hoo!
412
00:17:56,333 --> 00:17:57,625
The body bag!
413
00:17:57,709 --> 00:18:01,417
As a last-second half-court heave
gives Holy Cross the win.
414
00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:02,917
Guns up.
415
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,959
Safeties off.
416
00:18:05,041 --> 00:18:06,792
(guns clicking)
417
00:18:06,875 --> 00:18:08,041
(tires screech)
418
00:18:08,125 --> 00:18:10,917
Don't worry, I know a place
where they will never find us.
419
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:14,041
(dog howling)
420
00:18:14,125 --> 00:18:18,166
HOMER: (gasps) A food truck graveyard.
421
00:18:24,583 --> 00:18:27,125
Why are there so many failed ones?
422
00:18:27,208 --> 00:18:30,208
'Cause they don't have
an original concept, like me.
423
00:18:32,959 --> 00:18:34,166
(tires screech)
424
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,000
(Homer whimpering)
425
00:18:42,333 --> 00:18:43,709
(both gasp)
426
00:18:43,792 --> 00:18:45,792
(both moaning nervously)
427
00:18:47,542 --> 00:18:49,625
Homer, I got to tell you one thing.
428
00:18:49,709 --> 00:18:51,083
Your boy's not ugly.
429
00:18:51,166 --> 00:18:52,250
He's gorgeous.
430
00:18:52,333 --> 00:18:53,792
Just like his old man.
431
00:18:53,875 --> 00:18:55,208
He's gonna clean up.
432
00:18:55,291 --> 00:18:56,959
Tell baby Patrick I loved her.
433
00:18:57,333 --> 00:18:58,625
All right, do me.
434
00:19:00,166 --> 00:19:01,250
(sniffing)
435
00:19:01,333 --> 00:19:03,458
I smell mozzarella
436
00:19:03,542 --> 00:19:07,542
gently melting over a single
slice of triangular dough.
437
00:19:07,875 --> 00:19:11,875
Before the end, we will share a pie.
438
00:19:11,959 --> 00:19:14,125
It's just slices, you goombah caveman!
439
00:19:15,625 --> 00:19:18,125
Mmm! Usually a slice is dried out
440
00:19:18,166 --> 00:19:21,083
from sitting under a heat lamp,
but this is hot and fresh!
441
00:19:21,166 --> 00:19:23,291
See? This guy has good ideas.
442
00:19:23,375 --> 00:19:24,792
What if...
443
00:19:24,875 --> 00:19:28,417
you let Mike work in the truck
to pay you back?
444
00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:31,333
No. The food truck business
is too big a gamble.
445
00:19:31,417 --> 00:19:33,709
And even our gambling operation
is in trouble
446
00:19:33,792 --> 00:19:36,750
with the advent of legal online wagering.
447
00:19:36,834 --> 00:19:39,125
Too bad you can't take action
out of my food truck,
448
00:19:39,208 --> 00:19:40,625
let the betting come to you.
449
00:19:40,709 --> 00:19:42,417
Now, do me already!
450
00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:45,125
A food truck that takes bets?
451
00:19:47,709 --> 00:19:49,291
I'll take a slice of cheese
452
00:19:49,375 --> 00:19:51,542
and the moneyline on Georgetown.
453
00:19:51,917 --> 00:19:52,792
(grunts)
454
00:19:53,875 --> 00:19:56,792
Yo, Tony!
We're raking it in on the sportsbook.
455
00:19:56,875 --> 00:19:59,959
And it was a great idea
to sell weed out of this thing also.
456
00:20:03,166 --> 00:20:08,125
Homer, you believed in this stagelagoots
when no one else would.
457
00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:13,208
You listened to him, nurtured his ideas,
and now he is a success.
458
00:20:13,291 --> 00:20:17,166
Truly, you are an excellent mentor.
459
00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:18,875
♪ Let ♪
460
00:20:18,959 --> 00:20:22,166
♪ The river run ♪
461
00:20:22,250 --> 00:20:25,750
♪ Let all the dreamers ♪
462
00:20:25,834 --> 00:20:29,709
♪ Wake the nation ♪
463
00:20:29,792 --> 00:20:31,917
♪ Come ♪
464
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:37,583
♪ The new Jerusalem ♪
465
00:20:41,917 --> 00:20:46,041
♪ Silver cities rise... ♪
466
00:20:48,125 --> 00:20:50,375
♪ It's asking ♪
467
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:53,375
♪ For the taking ♪
468
00:20:53,458 --> 00:20:56,041
♪ Trembling ♪
469
00:20:56,125 --> 00:20:58,834
♪ Shaking ♪
470
00:20:58,917 --> 00:21:00,417
♪ Oh ♪
471
00:21:00,500 --> 00:21:03,959
♪ My heart is aching ♪
472
00:21:04,041 --> 00:21:05,291
♪ We're coming to the edge ♪
473
00:21:05,375 --> 00:21:07,375
♪ Running on the water ♪
474
00:21:07,458 --> 00:21:09,583
♪ Coming through the fog
Your sons and daughters ♪
475
00:21:09,667 --> 00:21:13,875
-♪ Let the river run ♪
-♪ Let the river run ♪
476
00:21:13,959 --> 00:21:17,375
-♪ Let all the dreamers ♪
-♪ Let all the dreamers ♪
477
00:21:17,458 --> 00:21:20,375
-♪ Wake the nation ♪
-♪ Wake the nation ♪
478
00:21:20,458 --> 00:21:21,709
♪ Come ♪
479
00:21:21,792 --> 00:21:26,208
♪ The new Jerusalem ♪
480
00:21:28,166 --> 00:21:29,792
-(murmuring)
-Shh!