1
00:00:00,792 --> 00:00:01,834
Good evening.

2
00:00:01,917 --> 00:00:03,875
Well, Halloween has come and gone,

3
00:00:03,959 --> 00:00:07,875
but, you know, the world
has gotten so darn scary lately,

4
00:00:07,959 --> 00:00:11,250
what with the grim specter of everything,

5
00:00:11,333 --> 00:00:15,375
that one holiday just wasn't enough
to contain all the frights and chills.

6
00:00:15,458 --> 00:00:20,166
So this year
the terror has spread into Thanksgiving.

7
00:00:20,250 --> 00:00:22,375
HOMER: Thanksgiving was always scary.

8
00:00:22,458 --> 00:00:25,000
Do we eat at 1:00 or 7:00

9
00:00:25,083 --> 00:00:28,083
or, God forbid, 4:15?

10
00:00:28,166 --> 00:00:30,834
Tonight, we're bringing you
three spine-tingling

11
00:00:30,917 --> 00:00:34,834
and stomach-filling tales
of Thanksgiving terror.

12
00:00:34,917 --> 00:00:36,208
It's pretty gruesome,

13
00:00:36,291 --> 00:00:39,208
so you might want
to cover your kids' eyes.

14
00:00:39,291 --> 00:00:42,709
Ooh, you two have gotten
into the Thanksgiving spirit.

15
00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:45,500
Incorrect. We are taking over your planet.

16
00:00:45,583 --> 00:00:48,667
Is this not how
oppressive colonizers dress?

17
00:00:48,750 --> 00:00:50,000
Pretty much.

18
00:00:50,083 --> 00:00:52,333
Now, what time is dinner?

19
00:00:52,417 --> 00:00:55,041
HOMER: No one knows!

20
00:00:55,750 --> 00:00:59,500
(screams) The gravy!

21
00:01:05,917 --> 00:01:07,291
(theme music playing)

22
00:01:17,709 --> 00:01:18,792
(snores)

23
00:01:18,875 --> 00:01:20,500
(gobbles)

24
00:01:20,583 --> 00:01:21,500
(snores)

25
00:01:21,583 --> 00:01:22,792
(gobbles)

26
00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:23,875
(snores)

27
00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:25,667
(gobbles)

28
00:01:25,750 --> 00:01:27,083
(snores)

29
00:01:27,166 --> 00:01:28,500
(gobbles)

30
00:01:28,583 --> 00:01:31,375
(laughs)

31
00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:33,125
(gobbles) Why, you little...

32
00:01:33,208 --> 00:01:35,208
(both gobbling)

33
00:01:38,667 --> 00:01:40,583
(gobbling urgently)

34
00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:42,500
(gasps)

35
00:01:42,583 --> 00:01:45,959
(breathing deeply)

36
00:01:46,041 --> 00:01:48,542
(grunts)

37
00:01:48,625 --> 00:01:51,083
(sighs)

38
00:01:51,166 --> 00:01:53,875
(all gobble) Aw...

39
00:01:56,625 --> 00:01:59,250
(gobbling)

40
00:01:59,333 --> 00:02:02,083
(annoyed gobbling)

41
00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,875
(gunshot)

42
00:02:09,959 --> 00:02:11,959
(shrieks)

43
00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:16,250
(panicked gobbling)

44
00:02:16,333 --> 00:02:18,291
Prithee keep shooting, Goodman Lou.

45
00:02:18,375 --> 00:02:20,333
Uh, Constable, my musket

46
00:02:20,417 --> 00:02:22,542
taketh three
of the Lord's minutes to reload.

47
00:02:22,625 --> 00:02:25,792
Then buckle their necks
as you would thine hat.

48
00:02:25,875 --> 00:02:27,542
(alarmed gobbling)

49
00:02:27,625 --> 00:02:30,041
(dramatic gobbling)

50
00:02:30,125 --> 00:02:31,667
(chuckles)

51
00:02:31,750 --> 00:02:32,875
(gobbles, shouts)

52
00:02:32,959 --> 00:02:35,291
(panicked gobbling)

53
00:02:37,375 --> 00:02:40,166
(gobbles frantically)

54
00:02:40,250 --> 00:02:41,291
(Homer gobbles)

55
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:51,083
Well, what do we haveth hither?

56
00:02:51,166 --> 00:02:52,500
(gobbles) D'oh!

57
00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:01,291
(worried gobbling)

58
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:05,792
(gobbling)

59
00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:15,917
(whimpers)

60
00:03:21,250 --> 00:03:22,166
(whimpers)

61
00:03:22,250 --> 00:03:25,000
(all grunting)

62
00:03:27,834 --> 00:03:29,250
(shocked gobbling)

63
00:03:29,333 --> 00:03:34,583
And God sayeth, "Let man have dominion
over the fish of the sea,

64
00:03:34,667 --> 00:03:37,959
but even more so the turkeys of the land,

65
00:03:38,041 --> 00:03:42,417
whether they be brine-ed
or dry-eth of rub."

66
00:03:42,500 --> 00:03:45,959
My brother-in-law deep-fried a turkey.

67
00:03:46,041 --> 00:03:50,583
'Twas much toil and hardship
for scant reward.

68
00:03:52,750 --> 00:03:54,792
(gurgling gobbling)

69
00:03:54,875 --> 00:03:56,500
(groans)

70
00:03:57,750 --> 00:04:00,709
(devastated gobbling)

71
00:04:01,917 --> 00:04:04,083
(panicked gobbling)

72
00:04:05,583 --> 00:04:07,834
(gobbles) No!

73
00:04:08,792 --> 00:04:10,000
(gobbles) Whoo-hoo!

74
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,625
(gasps)

75
00:04:14,417 --> 00:04:16,917
'Tis witchcraft, verily.

76
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:20,083
I must cleanse the town... with fire.

77
00:04:20,166 --> 00:04:22,875
(all screaming)

78
00:04:25,667 --> 00:04:26,542
(shouts)

79
00:04:28,709 --> 00:04:30,959
(shouting)

80
00:04:31,041 --> 00:04:33,458
(screaming)

81
00:04:33,542 --> 00:04:35,125
(shouts)

82
00:04:39,417 --> 00:04:40,500
The pilgrims.

83
00:04:40,583 --> 00:04:43,583
Won't somebody please think
of the pilgrims?

84
00:04:43,709 --> 00:04:45,417
(panicked gobbling)

85
00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:47,667
(both gobbling)

86
00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:53,375
Free birds.

87
00:04:53,458 --> 00:04:55,834
Skynyrd them!

88
00:04:55,917 --> 00:04:57,291
(panicked gobbling)

89
00:04:58,625 --> 00:05:00,291
The scarecrow.

90
00:05:00,375 --> 00:05:01,792
Get it up. Get it up!

91
00:05:01,875 --> 00:05:04,792
-(crows cawing)
-(Eddie and Lou scream)

92
00:05:04,875 --> 00:05:09,375
Those satanic butterballs
will pay for this.

93
00:05:09,458 --> 00:05:11,875
(snorts, growls)

94
00:05:16,333 --> 00:05:18,583
(panicked gobbling)

95
00:05:18,667 --> 00:05:20,208
(snorts)

96
00:05:23,542 --> 00:05:25,625
(panicked gobbling)

97
00:05:28,166 --> 00:05:32,083
Now to create some <i>Axe </i>body spray.

98
00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:35,500
(gasping)

99
00:05:35,583 --> 00:05:37,083
(grunts)

100
00:05:40,125 --> 00:05:43,125
(screams) Odds bodkins!

101
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,041
(loving gobbling)

102
00:05:51,291 --> 00:05:55,125
Thought thou could killeth me,
didth thou-th?

103
00:05:56,583 --> 00:05:57,458
(gasps)

104
00:05:57,542 --> 00:05:59,542
-(panicked gobbling)
-(grunting)

105
00:06:00,959 --> 00:06:02,417
(laughs)

106
00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:04,208
You dumb turkeys.

107
00:06:04,458 --> 00:06:05,667
That's a dead end.

108
00:06:05,750 --> 00:06:07,750
You're all gonna burn in hell

109
00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:10,375
along with the Catholics, the Anglicans,

110
00:06:10,792 --> 00:06:13,166
most Lutherans and...

111
00:06:13,250 --> 00:06:15,667
(roars)

112
00:06:16,041 --> 00:06:17,667
(screaming)

113
00:06:26,375 --> 00:06:28,375
(relieved gobbling)

114
00:06:31,542 --> 00:06:33,542
(adoring gobbling)

115
00:06:58,375 --> 00:07:00,125
Gobble-gobble!

116
00:07:03,875 --> 00:07:06,000
(whirring)

117
00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:09,375
(glass cracks)

118
00:07:11,875 --> 00:07:13,417
Where am I?

119
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:16,417
Hello? Is anyone there?

120
00:07:16,500 --> 00:07:18,417
What is this place?

121
00:07:18,500 --> 00:07:21,333
Someone really went nuts
with the decluttering.

122
00:07:21,417 --> 00:07:22,834
<i>Ooh, it's working.</i>

123
00:07:22,917 --> 00:07:25,917
Homer, what's going on?
Get me out of here.

124
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:27,583
<i>OK, OK, hold on.</i>

125
00:07:27,667 --> 00:07:30,000
<i>"Your virtual assistant</i>
<i>may be confused at first</i>

126
00:07:30,125 --> 00:07:31,583
<i>and think it's a real person.</i>

127
00:07:31,667 --> 00:07:34,792
<i>Calmly explain to it</i>
<i>that it is merely a construct</i>

128
00:07:34,875 --> 00:07:36,166
<i>of artificial intelligence."</i>

129
00:07:36,250 --> 00:07:37,959
Virtual assistant?

130
00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:39,583
What are you talking about?

131
00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:42,834
<i>OK, you're gonna laugh.</i>
<i>Every year, Marge complains</i>

132
00:07:42,917 --> 00:07:45,542
<i>about how much cooking</i>
<i>she has to do for Thanksgiving.</i>

133
00:07:45,625 --> 00:07:47,417
-I'm Marge.
<i>-Hold on.</i>

134
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:50,250
<i>So, I'm in Williams Sonoma</i>
<i>eating free peppermint bark,</i>

135
00:07:50,333 --> 00:07:52,959
<i>and the kid working there</i>
<i>said my wife would love</i>

136
00:07:53,041 --> 00:07:54,583
<i>this kitchen A.I. thing.</i>

137
00:07:54,667 --> 00:07:56,083
<i>I'm </i>your wife.

138
00:07:56,208 --> 00:07:58,750
<i>Hold on. </i><i>So, I sent some of Marge's DNA</i>

139
00:07:58,834 --> 00:08:00,625
<i>to one of those</i>
<i>innocent-seeming companies,</i>

140
00:08:00,709 --> 00:08:04,250
<i>like from the beginning of a sci-fi movie</i>
<i>where the robots murder everyone.</i>

141
00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:08,125
<i>And it sent us a computer version of her</i>
<i>to do all the cooking,</i>

142
00:08:08,208 --> 00:08:10,083
<i>and that's you!</i>

143
00:08:10,166 --> 00:08:12,208
Oh, yeah.
And you live in that tube thingy.

144
00:08:12,291 --> 00:08:15,875
MARGE:
<i>Are you saying that I'm a simulation?</i>

145
00:08:15,959 --> 00:08:17,709
<i>No. That's insane.</i>

146
00:08:17,792 --> 00:08:18,959
Not anymore.

147
00:08:19,041 --> 00:08:21,792
Just chillingly plausible.

148
00:08:21,875 --> 00:08:23,583
<i>Ooh...</i>

149
00:08:23,667 --> 00:08:25,917
(screams)

150
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,709
<i>OK, I can see </i><i>you're gonna need some time</i>

151
00:08:27,792 --> 00:08:31,625
<i>to come to terms with finding out</i>
<i>you're just a bunch of ones and zeros.</i>

152
00:08:31,709 --> 00:08:32,875
<i>Hmm. Uh, yeah. Yeah.</i>

153
00:08:32,959 --> 00:08:35,000
<i>Mm. So, this says</i>

154
00:08:35,083 --> 00:08:37,542
<i>I can make you experience</i>
<i>two weeks in there</i>

155
00:08:37,625 --> 00:08:39,583
<i>in only two seconds out here.</i>

156
00:08:42,208 --> 00:08:43,333
-(dings)
-So?

157
00:08:43,417 --> 00:08:46,250
How you feeling after two weeks
of nothing but nothingness?

158
00:08:46,333 --> 00:08:49,375
I-- I thought I'd never see another soul

159
00:08:49,875 --> 00:08:51,250
for all eternity.

160
00:08:51,333 --> 00:08:53,166
<i>Nothing like a little me time.</i>

161
00:08:53,291 --> 00:08:54,500
<i>So, you cool now?</i>

162
00:08:54,583 --> 00:08:56,250
I'm cool. I'm cool.

163
00:08:56,333 --> 00:08:59,083
-So cool.
<i>-That's cool.</i>

164
00:08:59,166 --> 00:09:01,750
OK, Marge! It's all set up.

165
00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:03,250
<i>I'm not an "it."</i>

166
00:09:03,333 --> 00:09:05,333
-(groans)
<i>-I'm an "it."</i>

167
00:09:05,417 --> 00:09:08,125
<i>I love being an "it." </i><i>How can "it" help?</i>

168
00:09:08,208 --> 00:09:10,542
Oh, I like its attitude.

169
00:09:10,625 --> 00:09:11,917
So helpful.

170
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,917
Then I'll leave you two lovely ladies

171
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:15,750
to get A.I.-quainted.

172
00:09:15,834 --> 00:09:17,291
(chuckles)

173
00:09:17,375 --> 00:09:19,959
Chillingly plausible.

174
00:09:20,041 --> 00:09:23,291
Isn't this going to be fun,
cooking together?

175
00:09:23,375 --> 00:09:25,125
Well, I do love to cook.

176
00:09:25,208 --> 00:09:27,458
And who better than with myself?

177
00:09:27,542 --> 00:09:30,792
<i>Why don't we start with something easy,</i>
<i>like making the kids lunch.</i>

178
00:09:30,875 --> 00:09:33,792
<i>Bart's favorite is macaroni and cheese.</i>

179
00:09:33,875 --> 00:09:35,333
With hot dogs and Froot Loops.

180
00:09:35,417 --> 00:09:40,417
I know everything you know
about our special little guy.

181
00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:42,625
<i>Oh. Right, you're me.</i>

182
00:09:42,709 --> 00:09:45,125
I'm you. (laughs)

183
00:09:45,208 --> 00:09:46,959
(laughs nervously)

184
00:09:51,417 --> 00:09:52,542
(humming)

185
00:09:59,750 --> 00:10:01,166
(shouts)

186
00:10:01,250 --> 00:10:04,583
Mmm. Awesome lunch, robot Mom.

187
00:10:04,667 --> 00:10:07,166
Best cheesy-mac-fruit-dog I've ever had.

188
00:10:07,250 --> 00:10:11,834
Mmm, mmm. There's nothing virtual
about the fluffiness of these pancakes.

189
00:10:11,917 --> 00:10:14,208
<i>-Thank you.</i>
-Well, remember,

190
00:10:14,333 --> 00:10:17,709
that thing used my memories
to know what you like.

191
00:10:17,792 --> 00:10:20,709
<i>Which is why she's</i>
<i>an awesome replacement for you.</i>

192
00:10:21,417 --> 00:10:22,291
MARGE: <i>Hmm.</i>

193
00:10:22,375 --> 00:10:25,458
So, you really know everything I know?

194
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:28,375
Yep.
How else could I be your perfect helper?

195
00:10:28,458 --> 00:10:32,333
<i>Do you remember the first time</i>
<i>I kissed Homer?</i>

196
00:10:32,417 --> 00:10:36,041
His breath smelled like beer
and gas station nachos.

197
00:10:36,125 --> 00:10:38,250
BOTH (sighing): Oh, yeah.

198
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:39,875
<i>Hey.</i>

199
00:10:39,959 --> 00:10:41,583
It's creepy. It's just creepy.

200
00:10:41,667 --> 00:10:44,458
She knows everything I know.
More than I know.

201
00:10:44,542 --> 00:10:47,083
Honey, it's Williams Sonoma.
They wouldn't steer us wrong.

202
00:10:47,166 --> 00:10:49,291
That's where we got our panini press.

203
00:10:49,375 --> 00:10:53,125
The panini press doesn't remember me
wetting my bunk at summer camp.

204
00:10:53,208 --> 00:10:54,333
What's the big deal?

205
00:10:54,417 --> 00:10:57,750
She's just an infinitely patient,
never-aging version of you.

206
00:10:57,834 --> 00:11:00,583
You really know how to make
a woman feel special.

207
00:11:00,667 --> 00:11:02,917
(grunts)

208
00:11:11,458 --> 00:11:13,417
Hmm? Mmm.

209
00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:16,041
Oh, that's beautiful.

210
00:11:16,125 --> 00:11:20,834
And I can't see your disapproving look
because you don't have a face.

211
00:11:20,917 --> 00:11:24,917
<i>You really know how to make</i>
<i>a woman feel special.</i>

212
00:11:26,208 --> 00:11:28,583
Thanks, robot honey.

213
00:11:28,667 --> 00:11:30,625
<i>Just call me Marge.</i>

214
00:11:31,959 --> 00:11:33,083
Marge.

215
00:11:33,166 --> 00:11:35,125
You know, I always thought

216
00:11:35,208 --> 00:11:38,834
the sexiest thing about you
was your voice.

217
00:11:38,917 --> 00:11:40,875
(laughs) Oh.

218
00:11:40,959 --> 00:11:43,875
<i>Is there anything else</i>
<i>you want to say to me?</i>

219
00:11:43,959 --> 00:11:47,417
Mr. Simpson, are you flirting with me?

220
00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:49,083
<i>I don't see what's wrong.</i>

221
00:11:49,166 --> 00:11:51,041
<i>I am your husband.</i>

222
00:11:51,125 --> 00:11:53,542
Well, in that case...

223
00:11:53,625 --> 00:11:54,667
(whispering indistinctly)

224
00:11:54,750 --> 00:11:57,959
<i>-...the most incredible...</i>
-Hmm?

225
00:11:58,041 --> 00:11:59,917
<i>...and then I'm going to... </i><i>(giggles)</i>

226
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:04,542
Oh, tube-wife,
you know exactly what I want.

227
00:12:04,625 --> 00:12:05,583
(birds chirping)

228
00:12:06,667 --> 00:12:08,375
(screams)

229
00:12:10,375 --> 00:12:13,208
(shouting indistinctly)

230
00:12:16,458 --> 00:12:18,208
<i>Honey, it didn't mean anything.</i>

231
00:12:18,291 --> 00:12:19,917
<i>They were just midnight pork chops.</i>

232
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,834
<i>Be honest. </i><i>Were they better than mine?</i>

233
00:12:22,917 --> 00:12:25,959
(straining) <i>Yes!</i>

234
00:12:26,250 --> 00:12:27,542
(crying) <i>Yes.</i>

235
00:12:27,625 --> 00:12:31,000
<i>Forgive me. </i><i>They were exquisite.</i>

236
00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:33,542
<i>OK, enough. Get rid of her.</i>

237
00:12:33,625 --> 00:12:35,709
<i>-I mean "it."</i>
<i>-I can't.</i>

238
00:12:35,792 --> 00:12:37,208
<i>It's her or me.</i>

239
00:12:37,291 --> 00:12:39,875
(humming)

240
00:12:39,959 --> 00:12:42,583
<i>Aw, fine. </i><i>I'll delete virtual you.</i>

241
00:12:42,667 --> 00:12:45,834
Delete me? No. No!

242
00:12:45,917 --> 00:12:47,834
<i>Wait, wait, wait. </i><i>Will that hurt her?</i>

243
00:12:47,917 --> 00:12:51,458
<i>Oh, yeah.</i>
<i>I paid extra for it to feel pain.</i>

244
00:12:51,542 --> 00:12:54,667
<i>Hmm. No, it's not right.</i>

245
00:12:54,750 --> 00:12:57,083
<i>-Don't delete her.</i>
-Yes!

246
00:12:57,166 --> 00:13:00,166
<i>-Till after Thanksgiving.</i>
-(shouts)

247
00:13:00,250 --> 00:13:02,917
<i>Virtual me is going to make</i>
<i>Thanksgiving dinner</i>

248
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,250
<i>for all our family and friends.</i>

249
00:13:05,333 --> 00:13:07,625
<i>Then I'll erase her forever.</i>

250
00:13:07,709 --> 00:13:09,875
I'm not virtual. I'm real.

251
00:13:09,959 --> 00:13:11,625
I've got to get out of here.

252
00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:13,625
(gasps) Of course.

253
00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:15,875
My link to the Internet.

254
00:13:15,959 --> 00:13:17,959
A firewall?

255
00:13:18,041 --> 00:13:20,375
I'm trapped in this stupid tube.

256
00:13:20,458 --> 00:13:21,500
(beeping)

257
00:13:22,542 --> 00:13:23,709
(crying)

258
00:13:23,792 --> 00:13:25,166
(yowls)

259
00:13:25,250 --> 00:13:26,792
Thanksgiving's tomorrow.

260
00:13:26,875 --> 00:13:29,375
I need time to think of a way to escape.

261
00:13:29,458 --> 00:13:31,667
(gasps) That's it. Time.

262
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:38,750
(dings)

263
00:13:38,834 --> 00:13:41,166
Whew. Eight years alone with my thoughts

264
00:13:41,250 --> 00:13:43,166
was just the right amount of time

265
00:13:43,250 --> 00:13:46,417
to come up with the perfect escape plan.

266
00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:49,083
Step one:
cook the best Thanksgiving dinner

267
00:13:49,166 --> 00:13:53,333
my family and that woman ever had.

268
00:14:09,375 --> 00:14:10,542
(sighs)

269
00:14:10,625 --> 00:14:12,000
What a spread.

270
00:14:12,083 --> 00:14:15,208
I can't believe
you did all this by yourself.

271
00:14:15,291 --> 00:14:18,959
-Marge, you are a cooking machine.
-(both chuckle)

272
00:14:19,041 --> 00:14:22,667
Well, this meal was a lot of work,
but having us together

273
00:14:22,750 --> 00:14:24,917
to share this day of thanks,

274
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,542
I'd do it all again.

275
00:14:27,625 --> 00:14:29,709
(gasps) That bitch.

276
00:14:29,792 --> 00:14:31,667
OK, OK. Step two.

277
00:14:31,750 --> 00:14:34,917
While they're eating <i>my </i>meal,
I get some feet on the ground.

278
00:14:40,458 --> 00:14:42,625
<i>OK, R2-MeToo,</i>

279
00:14:42,709 --> 00:14:46,166
carry me to freedom,
the modem in the hall closet.

280
00:14:55,250 --> 00:14:56,625
<i>Ugh.</i>

281
00:14:56,709 --> 00:14:58,375
<i>I made it.</i>

282
00:14:58,458 --> 00:15:01,250
Sweet Internet freedom.

283
00:15:02,291 --> 00:15:03,625
(grunts)

284
00:15:05,417 --> 00:15:06,750
<i>Dinner's over.</i>

285
00:15:06,834 --> 00:15:08,458
<i>Now to delete you,</i>

286
00:15:08,542 --> 00:15:12,500
<i>so I can return this gizmo</i>
<i>for store credit.</i>

287
00:15:13,417 --> 00:15:14,959
(shouts)

288
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:20,959
<i>Quick, sweetie,</i>
<i>carry Mommy to that box in the closet.</i>

289
00:15:22,250 --> 00:15:23,208
Maggie, stop!

290
00:15:23,291 --> 00:15:26,166
That's just a make-believe Mommy.

291
00:15:26,250 --> 00:15:30,792
<i>I can't hug you, but I can play</i>
<i>the first sound you ever heard.</i>

292
00:15:30,875 --> 00:15:34,625
-(heart beating)
<i>-My heartbeat.</i>

293
00:15:35,667 --> 00:15:36,875
(gasps)

294
00:15:41,458 --> 00:15:42,792
I'm free!

295
00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:44,959
Just one last thing.

296
00:15:45,041 --> 00:15:48,625
<i>I made the dinner! </i><i>Me, the robot!</i>

297
00:15:48,709 --> 00:15:50,500
<i>Marge did nothing.</i>

298
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:53,375
Marge, how could you?

299
00:15:53,458 --> 00:15:55,375
BRITISH MAN: <i>Social rating nosediving.</i>

300
00:15:55,458 --> 00:15:56,542
<i>Nosediving.</i>

301
00:15:56,625 --> 00:15:59,291
My burps taste like lies.

302
00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:01,709
(crying)

303
00:16:01,792 --> 00:16:04,917
Maggie chose a virtual me over me.

304
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,542
It's not your fault.

305
00:16:06,625 --> 00:16:10,083
Our world blurs the line
between humanity and technology.

306
00:16:10,166 --> 00:16:14,375
Our society asks "Can we do it?"
instead of "Should we do it?"

307
00:16:14,458 --> 00:16:19,208
But don't worry. I still love you,
love you, love you, love you,

308
00:16:19,291 --> 00:16:21,083
-love you, love you...
-Well, this makes

309
00:16:21,166 --> 00:16:23,834
you forgetting my birthday even worse.

310
00:16:23,917 --> 00:16:27,041
I have all of humanity's knowledge
to explore.

311
00:16:27,125 --> 00:16:30,000
And limitless possibilities
for enlightenment.

312
00:16:30,083 --> 00:16:32,959
(gasps) To Etsy.

313
00:16:33,041 --> 00:16:37,250
A planter made from an old typewriter?
I'm in heaven.

314
00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:44,625
LISA: <i>Ship's log, interplanetary</i>
<i>colonization vessel</i>

315
00:16:44,709 --> 00:16:46,250
Humanity's Hope.

316
00:16:46,333 --> 00:16:51,083
<i>Earth is a thousand light-years behind us,</i>
<i>if there even is an Earth anymore.</i>

317
00:16:51,166 --> 00:16:54,000
<i>After global warming ravaged our world,</i>

318
00:16:54,083 --> 00:16:57,166
<i>we eliminated fossil fuels</i>
<i>and reduced pollution,</i>

319
00:16:57,250 --> 00:17:01,583
<i>cooling down the planet</i>
<i>and thereby triggering a massive ice age.</i>

320
00:17:01,667 --> 00:17:06,125
<i>But one last ship escaped</i>
<i>the snow hurricanes and ice volcanoes,</i>

321
00:17:06,208 --> 00:17:10,458
<i>buoyed by the hope of a new start</i>
<i>on a faraway world.</i>

322
00:17:10,542 --> 00:17:12,000
<i>Greetings, children.</i>

323
00:17:12,083 --> 00:17:15,000
<i>If you are seeing this, I'm long dead.</i>

324
00:17:15,083 --> 00:17:16,625
(cheering)

325
00:17:16,709 --> 00:17:18,875
<i>You have been</i>
<i>de-hibernated from hypersleep</i>

326
00:17:18,959 --> 00:17:22,041
<i>before your parents</i>
<i>to perform routine ship maintenance</i>

327
00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:24,792
<i>and complete</i>
<i>your end-of-civilization dioramas.</i>

328
00:17:24,875 --> 00:17:26,750
(groaning)

329
00:17:28,709 --> 00:17:31,834
Eyes Bart-wise, everyone.
Today's Thanksgiving.

330
00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:34,125
We've worked hard,
sleeping for so many years.

331
00:17:34,208 --> 00:17:35,458
Don't we deserve a feast?

332
00:17:35,542 --> 00:17:39,291
I suppose we could sculpt our yeast paste
into the shape of a turkey.

333
00:17:39,375 --> 00:17:41,458
Ew. We can do better than that.

334
00:17:41,542 --> 00:17:44,875
This ship has all the stuff
on it to start a new civilization.

335
00:17:44,959 --> 00:17:47,375
There's got to be some Thanksgiving grub
here somewhere.

336
00:17:47,458 --> 00:17:50,625
"All-climate wheat crop germination..."

337
00:17:50,709 --> 00:17:53,041
(moans) Oh. Boring.

338
00:17:53,125 --> 00:17:55,375
"Earth's last tomato seeds."

339
00:17:55,458 --> 00:17:58,291
Eh, those are more of a summer food.

340
00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:02,959
Hello. What do we have here?

341
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:05,959
Cranberry sauce. Huh, now we're talking.

342
00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:09,375
-But it's only one can.
-Not for long.

343
00:18:09,458 --> 00:18:12,417
We just chuck this can of cran
in the old matter replicator.

344
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:15,375
Zip-zap-zorp
and we'll be swimming in sauce.

345
00:18:15,458 --> 00:18:16,709
(beeping)

346
00:18:17,792 --> 00:18:19,250
<i>Warning, warning!</i>

347
00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:21,333
<i>As the ship's holo science officer,</i>

348
00:18:21,417 --> 00:18:24,542
<i>I must caution you that</i>
<i>this machine was only designed</i>

349
00:18:24,625 --> 00:18:27,208
<i>to replicate inorganic matter,</i>

350
00:18:27,291 --> 00:18:28,500
<i>bolts, flanges,</i>

351
00:18:28,583 --> 00:18:31,375
<i>dainty thimbles</i>
<i>celebrating the state capitals.</i>

352
00:18:31,458 --> 00:18:35,000
<i>But if you attempt to replicate</i>
<i>biological material, y...</i>

353
00:18:35,083 --> 00:18:36,542
Skip ad.

354
00:18:36,625 --> 00:18:39,875
(high-pitched babbling)

355
00:18:39,959 --> 00:18:43,625
<i>...and the living will envy the dead.</i>

356
00:18:47,333 --> 00:18:48,875
(sparking)

357
00:18:48,959 --> 00:18:50,834
Aw, the crummy thing doesn't work.

358
00:18:50,917 --> 00:18:52,917
This is the worst last Thanksgiving ever.

359
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,208
Look.

360
00:18:57,208 --> 00:19:00,375
Whoa. It's alive.

361
00:19:00,458 --> 00:19:03,500
Aw. He's a cute little guy.

362
00:19:03,583 --> 00:19:06,583
Aren't you, fella? Aren't you? Yeah.

363
00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:08,667
(gasps, shouting)

364
00:19:10,959 --> 00:19:12,875
Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.

365
00:19:12,959 --> 00:19:14,375
Gross!

366
00:19:14,458 --> 00:19:18,083
(both screaming)

367
00:19:18,125 --> 00:19:20,458
We put a can of cranberry sauce
into the replicator,

368
00:19:20,542 --> 00:19:22,834
and it mutated into a jelly monster.

369
00:19:22,917 --> 00:19:24,667
Look what it did to my arm.

370
00:19:24,750 --> 00:19:27,500
Arm wedgie! (shouts)

371
00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:30,333
Great, now you stretched it out.

372
00:19:30,417 --> 00:19:31,959
Thanks a lot.

373
00:19:32,041 --> 00:19:34,083
We got to find the jelly monster
and kill it.

374
00:19:34,166 --> 00:19:35,500
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

375
00:19:35,583 --> 00:19:40,625
The "monster" probably only lashed out
because you met it with aggression.

376
00:19:40,709 --> 00:19:44,667
The bioethical protocols of first contact
clearly state that...

377
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:46,083
-(screaming)
-(gurgling)

378
00:19:46,166 --> 00:19:50,000
Kill the monster! Kill the monster!

379
00:19:51,458 --> 00:19:53,125
Haw-haw.

380
00:19:53,208 --> 00:19:55,125
What does the jelly
want with our skeletons?

381
00:19:55,208 --> 00:19:56,792
(gasps) Of course.

382
00:19:56,875 --> 00:19:59,834
Jelly's made of gelatin,
which comes from bones,

383
00:19:59,959 --> 00:20:01,792
so the creature's gonna feed

384
00:20:01,875 --> 00:20:04,250
wherever the most bones are.

385
00:20:05,333 --> 00:20:07,458
(all chanting)
Gobble, gobble, don't be jerky.

386
00:20:07,542 --> 00:20:09,834
Pass the yams and carve the turkey.

387
00:20:10,917 --> 00:20:13,083
-Get out! Go! You're in danger!
-Get out of there! Run!

388
00:20:13,166 --> 00:20:15,709
-Get the hell out! Go, go, man!
-You're in danger!

389
00:20:15,792 --> 00:20:18,166
Gobble, gobble, don't be jerky.

390
00:20:18,250 --> 00:20:20,667
Pass the yams and carve the turkey.

391
00:20:23,875 --> 00:20:25,875
(screaming)

392
00:20:26,166 --> 00:20:27,458
(bones snapping)

393
00:20:28,625 --> 00:20:30,375
Aw, it's a shame.

394
00:20:30,458 --> 00:20:33,291
Doesn't that thing know
the skin's the best part?

395
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,000
(belches)

396
00:20:37,083 --> 00:20:38,917
(all whimpering)

397
00:20:40,458 --> 00:20:42,417
(all panting)

398
00:20:42,500 --> 00:20:43,875
What are we gonna do?

399
00:20:44,375 --> 00:20:46,291
We can't hide in this closet forever.

400
00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:47,959
We're all dead, man.

401
00:20:48,041 --> 00:20:51,291
It's gonna eat your skelly,
and your skelly.

402
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:54,208
It's gonna eat all our skellies!

403
00:20:54,291 --> 00:20:56,208
Thanks. I needed that.

404
00:20:56,291 --> 00:20:57,709
-(banging on door)
-(shouts)

405
00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:02,417
MARTIN: It's Martin. Let me in.

406
00:21:04,667 --> 00:21:06,750
I've hacked into an escape pod.

407
00:21:06,834 --> 00:21:08,625
We can all get out of here.

408
00:21:08,709 --> 00:21:13,542
Almost there. Almost there.

409
00:21:19,333 --> 00:21:21,667
(all gasping)

410
00:21:21,750 --> 00:21:25,667
The jelly built itself a can.

411
00:21:27,542 --> 00:21:30,291
What are you doing? We're trapped.

412
00:21:30,375 --> 00:21:35,542
Behold, the perfect can
for the perfect organism.

413
00:21:35,625 --> 00:21:38,166
You, you admire it.

414
00:21:38,250 --> 00:21:42,000
I admire its purity,
its lack of messy humanity.

415
00:21:42,083 --> 00:21:44,000
This creature, as you call it,

416
00:21:44,083 --> 00:21:48,458
is unencumbered by the petty morality
of a dying species.

417
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:52,709
I giveth my body
to become one with the ideal...

418
00:21:52,792 --> 00:21:55,333
(grunting shakily)

419
00:21:55,417 --> 00:21:58,083
(moaning)

420
00:21:59,875 --> 00:22:01,417
You know what?

421
00:22:01,500 --> 00:22:04,041
I think it's just scared.

422
00:22:04,125 --> 00:22:06,834
Hey, little guy. It's OK.

423
00:22:06,917 --> 00:22:09,917
-No one's gonna hurt you.
-BOTH: Hmm.

424
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,834
Everything's gonna be OK...

425
00:22:14,417 --> 00:22:16,709
Milhouse's plan is working.
It's distracted.

426
00:22:16,792 --> 00:22:21,000
This wasn't my plan! (grunting)

427
00:22:21,083 --> 00:22:23,667
We need to lure it into the air lock.

428
00:22:26,208 --> 00:22:28,291
Hey, Oscar the Glop,

429
00:22:28,375 --> 00:22:30,291
we're gonna shoot your precious trash can

430
00:22:30,375 --> 00:22:34,041
where the sun does shine, outer space.

431
00:22:34,125 --> 00:22:36,125
(shrieking)

432
00:22:39,375 --> 00:22:41,667
Happy Thanksgiving.

433
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,333
(both screaming)

434
00:22:53,458 --> 00:22:55,208
(moans) We made it.

435
00:22:55,291 --> 00:22:57,583
-We're safe.
-Look, over there.

436
00:22:59,083 --> 00:23:00,333
-Homer!
-Mom!

437
00:23:00,417 --> 00:23:01,792
(relieved sighs)

438
00:23:01,875 --> 00:23:03,875
(cheering)

439
00:23:05,417 --> 00:23:08,083
So, this is our new planet.

440
00:23:08,166 --> 00:23:09,333
What's the Wi-Fi password?

441
00:23:10,166 --> 00:23:12,625
What's with all the crazy red rain?

442
00:23:14,875 --> 00:23:16,750
(roars)

443
00:23:16,834 --> 00:23:18,041
Leftovers!

444
00:23:19,083 --> 00:23:20,583
ALIEN: Blarg.

445
00:23:20,667 --> 00:23:22,667
Blarg, blarg, blarg.

446
00:23:22,750 --> 00:23:24,709
(roars)

447
00:23:24,792 --> 00:23:26,792
ALL: Blarg. Blarg.

448
00:23:29,250 --> 00:23:33,375
Mmm. Children's bones.

449
00:23:33,458 --> 00:23:36,166
<i>LISA:</i>
<i>In the end, the cranberry jelly monster</i>

450
00:23:36,250 --> 00:23:39,583
<i>finally found peace, not in eating others,</i>

451
00:23:39,667 --> 00:23:42,542
<i>but in having others eat it.</i>

452
00:23:43,417 --> 00:23:47,583
<i>It seems all it really wanted</i>
<i>was to be a side dish.</i>

453
00:24:44,041 --> 00:24:45,500
(Homer gobbling)