1
00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,041
(angry muttering)
2
00:00:02,125 --> 00:00:05,333
CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
3
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(exclaims)
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(school bell ringing)
5
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(tires screeching)
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D'oh!
7
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(tires screeching)
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(grunts)
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00:00:32,417 --> 00:00:33,333
(phone tone music)
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MAN (laughs): Ha-ha-ha!
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(theme music playing)
12
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And that's why, if you go
to that little town in France,
13
00:00:44,333 --> 00:00:46,834
there's a statue of me surrendering.
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00:00:47,291 --> 00:00:48,667
-See?
-(spitting)
15
00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:52,500
Wow, Grampa, your stories
are really cool today.
16
00:00:52,583 --> 00:00:56,083
Yeah, the nursing home
finally stopped using me as the placebo
17
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and gave me real meds. (laughs)
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-(gulps)
-(rapid clicking, blasting)
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But what I really wanted to do today
was to give you this,
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my most precious possession.
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(eerily): Open it.
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♪ ♪
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(gasps)
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It'll explode in just five seconds
if you pull the pin.
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Uh-oh. Senior moment!
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00:01:22,166 --> 00:01:23,542
Put it back! Put it back!
27
00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:26,375
It don't work that way!
It's like having a kid!
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(both scream)
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00:01:27,875 --> 00:01:30,083
-Say your prayers, boy.
-Never!
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(whimpers)
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Hmm?
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00:01:33,417 --> 00:01:35,875
Ha, ha! I pranked ya.
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(laughing)
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00:01:37,667 --> 00:01:39,583
Grampa, that was hilarious.
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00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:41,083
I understand if the answer's no,
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00:01:41,208 --> 00:01:43,667
but can I borrow your dud grenade?
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(snoring)
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00:01:45,542 --> 00:01:47,709
Aw, he's asleep.
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That means yes.
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(whistling a tune)
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This year, we've just been named
the most sedentary school
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-in the state.
-STUDENTS: Yay!
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Yay!
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No! No, no.
Sedentary is a bad thing.
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Our vocabulary score was also abysmal.
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-Is that a bad...
-It's a bad thing, yes.
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-RALPH: Yay!
-Now to get you kids
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up on your feet, we decided to have
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00:02:11,375 --> 00:02:14,375
a two-hour-long sit-down assembly
instead of recess.
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No fair!
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00:02:15,750 --> 00:02:18,166
-Sit down.
-Yes... ma'am.
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To kick things off,
please welcome the new mascot
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00:02:20,625 --> 00:02:24,291
from the town's semi-amateur
hockey team, Vinnie the Vulture.
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00:02:24,375 --> 00:02:26,959
-RALPH: Yay!
-(fanfare plays)
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(grunts) Hey, kids.
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00:02:28,333 --> 00:02:31,458
Milhouse, you didn't tell me
your dad got another bad job.
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Actually, he's the understudy.
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The main guy got shingles.
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(grunting)
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00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:39,333
Ugh, there's a bee in my beak!
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00:02:39,417 --> 00:02:41,125
Okay, taking a break. Ow!
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How many... Ow!
How many stingers can one be have?
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00:02:43,875 --> 00:02:45,542
-God!
-Uh...
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00:02:45,667 --> 00:02:47,083
How about a little show-and-tell?
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I'll go first!
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00:02:49,291 --> 00:02:51,125
-(students gasp)
-Don't worry.
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00:02:51,208 --> 00:02:53,417
It is a live grenade, but it won't go off
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as long as you don't pull the pin out.
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(gasps)
¡Ay, caramba!
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(groans)
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(students screaming, clamoring)
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Climb in my ass hatch, son.
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-(grunting)
-(gasps)
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(intense music playing)
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(Bart laughs)
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00:03:15,917 --> 00:03:17,709
It was all just a joke.
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00:03:18,750 --> 00:03:21,166
You monster.
You had me finally believing
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00:03:21,250 --> 00:03:23,875
the school would be destroyed,
and you took it away.
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I didn't think it was funny either, Bart.
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You have no idea
how far up in there I went.
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(siren wails)
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Mom, you heard there was
an emergency and you came?
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Oh, well, actually,
I was just having a sleepover
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with your uncle... moustache over there.
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-(laughs)
-Mom,
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you promised you'd never show up
at school drunk again.
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I'm not gonna lie, I am in a shame spiral,
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hanging out with lowlifes and bums.
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Hey, Gary.
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This is to not say my name.
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Payday!
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Nelson, I'm gonna
go take a nap in your locker.
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Freedom!
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(snoring)
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Son, you forced this man
to jump on the grenade
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seconds before I was going to.
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Well, Simpson, thanks to you,
now no one can bring grenades to school.
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This time, you will be expelled,
never to return.
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00:04:20,792 --> 00:04:22,750
Please don't expel him.
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00:04:22,834 --> 00:04:24,917
He's got nowhere to go.
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00:04:25,041 --> 00:04:27,834
Bart Simpson, I hereby declare you...
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Wait.
I've lived next to this boy for years.
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There's good in him.
Let me work with him after school.
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00:04:32,583 --> 00:04:34,250
I'll improve him with the three P's:
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00:04:34,333 --> 00:04:36,959
persistence, prayer,
and persistent prayer.
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Oh, God, you're one of those.
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-Dear Lord...
-Don't kneel. Don't kneel!
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We're in a public school, for God's sake!
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(grunts)
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"Engel v. Vitale, 1962.
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00:04:47,625 --> 00:04:49,333
The Supreme Court asserts that..."
112
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Superintendent, you are about
to be on the business end
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of a prayer chain.
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"As a part of a religious program
carried on
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by government,
it is a matter of history..."
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My love of prayer is reflected
in my chest hair.
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(chuckles) I appear to be
in the wrong group chat.
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"...and the judgment
of the Court of Appeals of New York
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is reversed, and the cause of..."
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-FLANDERS: Amen.
-(gasps)
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Sir, we're up to 205 verified pray-ers.
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Do you really want me
to give them your office number?
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Hmm? Hmm?
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(thundering rumbling)
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Fine. Stop, please! I've had enough.
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We won't expel Bart.
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Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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If you supervise this boy,
keeping him away
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from the baleful presence of his father.
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Woo-hoo! Win-win!
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Bon après-midi, Bart.
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While you get some special help,
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I'm hanging with the French club.
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Well, just don't make fun of me in French.
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Vous êtes un imbécile.
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Profitez de votre journée
avec le Flanders!
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-À demain.
-Ah,
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00:05:47,834 --> 00:05:49,625
nous allons faire un pique-nique.
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(groans) Oh! Shut up. Shut up!
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Vous ne parlez pas français?
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(laughing with French accent)
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(Flanders humming)
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Isn't it great, son?
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Washing dishes can be both
a chore and a meditation.
145
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I do feel kind of at peace.
146
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Uh-oh. Cut myself.
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(gasps) Oh, my God, oh, my God!
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00:06:09,208 --> 00:06:11,208
(laughs) Gotcha!
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00:06:12,542 --> 00:06:16,166
I can make that real blood,
you little punk.
150
00:06:17,208 --> 00:06:19,000
-What did you say?
-(chuckles)
151
00:06:19,125 --> 00:06:20,625
What I meant to say was,
oodily-doodily,
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00:06:20,709 --> 00:06:22,208
we'll change that atti-toodily.
153
00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:24,709
Fishing?
When I didn't take a Ritalin?
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00:06:24,792 --> 00:06:26,583
-You monster.
-Hush.
155
00:06:26,709 --> 00:06:28,709
If you don't catch something,
we don't eat tonight.
156
00:06:30,041 --> 00:06:32,750
Stupid fishing.
Stupid peace and quiet.
157
00:06:34,208 --> 00:06:35,333
Stupid sunset.
158
00:06:35,417 --> 00:06:36,875
Thinks it has so many colors.
159
00:06:36,959 --> 00:06:39,667
So beautiful and bright
and golden and... (mutters)
160
00:06:39,750 --> 00:06:41,959
Mind your line, Bart.
You got a nibble.
161
00:06:42,709 --> 00:06:44,333
I've got it! I've got it!
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00:06:44,417 --> 00:06:46,917
I murdered a fish. Me, by myself.
163
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:50,125
Don't get cocky, son.
You've still got to clean it and eat it.
164
00:06:50,208 --> 00:06:52,458
First things first,
we got to start a fire.
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00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:54,208
Uh, with what?
166
00:06:54,291 --> 00:06:57,041
We'll build character
by building it ourselves.
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Your turn.
168
00:07:03,333 --> 00:07:04,792
Oh, my hands hurt.
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There are child labor laws, you know.
This is the most idiotic...
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(echoing) ¡Ay, caramba!
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¡Ay, caramba...!
172
00:07:15,917 --> 00:07:17,166
(slurps, sighs)
173
00:07:17,250 --> 00:07:19,542
-How do you feel?
-Great. But why?
174
00:07:19,875 --> 00:07:22,834
Well, it's called "accomplishment," son,
something you've earned yourself
175
00:07:22,917 --> 00:07:24,458
that can never be taken from you.
176
00:07:24,709 --> 00:07:26,250
Left-handed handshake.
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00:07:26,333 --> 00:07:29,083
And now that you're on your way,
there's no telling how far you'll go.
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00:07:29,542 --> 00:07:33,667
♪ Amazing grace ♪
179
00:07:34,083 --> 00:07:37,875
♪ How sweet the sound... ♪
180
00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:40,166
Oh, my goodness.
181
00:07:40,250 --> 00:07:43,375
Our little boy could never
sing like that before.
182
00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:46,250
Well, if you ask me,
he's not doing so well now.
183
00:07:49,041 --> 00:07:50,208
Mm. Remarkable.
184
00:07:50,291 --> 00:07:52,458
I thought the only way to turn
Bart into a little angel
185
00:07:52,542 --> 00:07:54,125
was a downed power line at a water park.
186
00:07:54,208 --> 00:07:55,208
(laughs)
187
00:07:55,291 --> 00:07:58,583
Ah, you must be so proud.
You really turned that boy around.
188
00:07:58,917 --> 00:08:00,083
(chuckles): Oh. Well...
189
00:08:00,166 --> 00:08:01,542
Congratulations,
190
00:08:01,625 --> 00:08:03,041
Ned Flanders.
191
00:08:03,125 --> 00:08:04,792
Yeah.
Way to go there, Flanders.
192
00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:06,291
You the man, Ned.
193
00:08:06,375 --> 00:08:09,250
Hey, you can't give him all the credit.
194
00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:12,208
We're the ones who messed him up
in the first place.
195
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(doorbell rings)
196
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(groans loudly)
197
00:08:19,250 --> 00:08:22,041
Uh, listen, stupid Flanders,
198
00:08:22,375 --> 00:08:23,709
I just want to say thank you,
199
00:08:23,792 --> 00:08:25,917
and if there's anything
I can do for you...
200
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,583
Well, for starters,
you could stop calling me
201
00:08:27,709 --> 00:08:28,583
"stupid Flanders."
202
00:08:28,667 --> 00:08:30,458
(groans) Oh, here we go.
203
00:08:30,542 --> 00:08:31,417
No, that's it.
204
00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:33,375
(groaning)
205
00:08:33,792 --> 00:08:35,583
Thank you, Flanders.
206
00:08:35,667 --> 00:08:36,875
Was that so hard?
207
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:39,166
He was laughing under that mustache.
208
00:08:39,250 --> 00:08:40,667
(chuckles quietly)
209
00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:42,417
Bah?
210
00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:43,542
What are you doing here?
211
00:08:43,625 --> 00:08:45,417
Bart's actually doing math homework.
212
00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:47,500
I wanted to see it for myself.
213
00:08:47,583 --> 00:08:48,500
Bup-up-up-up!
214
00:08:48,583 --> 00:08:51,250
Listen, I can help my own kid.
215
00:08:51,875 --> 00:08:53,125
Uh, let's see.
216
00:08:53,208 --> 00:08:57,083
Four and two-thirds
plus five-sixths equals,
217
00:08:57,166 --> 00:09:00,917
uh, uh, carry the math... And, uh...
218
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,834
Oh, no! The dog ate it!
219
00:09:03,250 --> 00:09:06,000
(barking)
220
00:09:06,083 --> 00:09:07,917
It's okay, Dad. I finished it.
221
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,500
With Mr. Flanders' help.
222
00:09:10,834 --> 00:09:12,709
Well, it looks like I'm useless.
223
00:09:13,041 --> 00:09:16,125
Let me just walk away with my dignity.
224
00:09:17,667 --> 00:09:23,500
♪ Who can I turn to ♪
225
00:09:24,166 --> 00:09:27,750
♪ When nobody needs me? ♪
226
00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:29,792
My son doesn't love me.
227
00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:32,250
[speaking in foreign language]
228
00:09:37,166 --> 00:09:38,500
You don't get me at all.
229
00:09:39,458 --> 00:09:41,458
(birds squawking)
230
00:09:41,542 --> 00:09:43,875
(Nelson crying)
231
00:09:46,417 --> 00:09:48,792
-Hey, kid. I'm sad, too.
-Hmm?
232
00:09:48,917 --> 00:09:50,041
Haw-haw!
233
00:09:50,125 --> 00:09:51,875
(crying)
234
00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:53,375
You shouldn't be out here alone.
235
00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:56,250
Oh, nobody cares.
236
00:09:56,667 --> 00:09:59,291
My dad left.
My mom's a drunk.
237
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:02,917
My house is a trailer,
and all the wheels are flat.
238
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:06,083
My last solid food was an ice cube.
239
00:10:06,166 --> 00:10:09,583
My TV is a milk crate
with a squirrel in it.
240
00:10:09,667 --> 00:10:11,834
-(sobbing)
-This kid is such a wreck,
241
00:10:11,917 --> 00:10:13,291
even I could help him.
242
00:10:13,375 --> 00:10:16,667
Which I could use to get back at Bart.
243
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:20,041
(crying)
244
00:10:20,125 --> 00:10:25,291
I get my hair cut by hiding in the bushes
when the gardener comes by.
245
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,000
HOMER: Am I gonna do it?
246
00:10:27,083 --> 00:10:28,583
(crying)
247
00:10:28,667 --> 00:10:31,583
Is it wrong to take advantage
of one child's feelings
248
00:10:31,667 --> 00:10:34,000
to make another child feel bad?
249
00:10:34,083 --> 00:10:36,125
Nobody has the answer to that.
250
00:10:36,291 --> 00:10:38,333
Here, son. Let me help.
251
00:10:38,417 --> 00:10:40,125
(crying)
252
00:10:40,208 --> 00:10:41,750
(coughing)
253
00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:45,166
-(sniffles)
-Okay, okay. Enough snot.
254
00:10:45,333 --> 00:10:47,000
(sniffling forcefully)
255
00:10:50,709 --> 00:10:52,375
Mmm. Mmm!
256
00:10:52,458 --> 00:10:55,667
Say, uh, listen, kid,
how would you like a mentor?
257
00:10:55,750 --> 00:10:56,875
What's a mentor?
258
00:10:56,959 --> 00:10:59,667
A mentor is a special kind of teacher.
259
00:10:59,792 --> 00:11:01,291
But you don't know nothing.
260
00:11:01,375 --> 00:11:03,208
Hey, there's lots I can teach you.
261
00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:05,250
How to steal filling from a pie.
262
00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:07,458
How to get cookies without giving blood.
263
00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:09,709
How to use spearmint gum as a deodorant.
264
00:11:09,792 --> 00:11:12,000
And maybe I'll get someone
to fix your teeth.
265
00:11:12,083 --> 00:11:13,917
There's a doctor for your teeth?
266
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:14,875
Mm-hmm.
267
00:11:14,959 --> 00:11:16,000
Wow.
268
00:11:16,208 --> 00:11:18,792
Can you teach me how to do this maze?
269
00:11:18,875 --> 00:11:21,959
Well, it'll be a project
we can work on together.
270
00:11:22,250 --> 00:11:23,125
Cool.
271
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:25,542
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm out of ketchup.
272
00:11:27,041 --> 00:11:31,125
(whispering loudly): I'll give it back
when I'm done.
273
00:11:33,792 --> 00:11:35,333
Hello, Bart.
274
00:11:35,417 --> 00:11:38,208
Just wanted you to know
I'm going to Nelson's house.
275
00:11:38,625 --> 00:11:41,333
We're close. Super close.
276
00:11:41,417 --> 00:11:43,834
First of all, Dad, you called me.
277
00:11:43,917 --> 00:11:48,500
And second, are you mentoring Nelson
just to get back at Bart?
278
00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:50,542
No! No way!
279
00:11:50,625 --> 00:11:53,291
But if you happen to see Bart,
show him these.
280
00:11:53,750 --> 00:11:55,000
(phone beeps)
281
00:11:55,750 --> 00:11:57,750
(bright classical music playing)
282
00:12:00,583 --> 00:12:02,041
(laughs)
283
00:12:02,166 --> 00:12:04,291
Okay, kid, I'm gonna teach you how to pack
284
00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:06,333
for when your wife
kicks you out of the house.
285
00:12:06,417 --> 00:12:08,458
Are the clothes thrown out
onto the front yard?
286
00:12:08,542 --> 00:12:11,208
Well, let's say you have
enough time to get a suitcase.
287
00:12:11,291 --> 00:12:12,542
What's a suitcase?
288
00:12:12,625 --> 00:12:15,000
Uh, all right,
let's move on to something else.
289
00:12:15,333 --> 00:12:19,041
Okay, but first I got to ask,
are you sleeping with my mom?
290
00:12:19,125 --> 00:12:20,542
-No.
-(sobs): Oh.
291
00:12:20,625 --> 00:12:22,375
No one's ever said that!
292
00:12:26,500 --> 00:12:27,917
That's what we're going for, boys.
293
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,917
I can't believe we're gonna be
in the pride parade.
294
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,125
Christian pride.
295
00:12:32,417 --> 00:12:35,041
Finally, Christians
can openly show our faith.
296
00:12:35,250 --> 00:12:37,458
BOTH: We're sure! We're pure!
297
00:12:37,625 --> 00:12:38,709
Get used to it!
298
00:12:39,250 --> 00:12:40,625
-(bicycle bell rings)
-Hey, Bart.
299
00:12:40,709 --> 00:12:42,792
Look who I taught how to ride a bike.
300
00:12:42,875 --> 00:12:44,834
Nelson already knew how to ride a bike.
301
00:12:44,959 --> 00:12:48,000
Yeah, but he didn't know
how to make cool motorcycle noises.
302
00:12:48,291 --> 00:12:50,583
(Homer and Nelson imitating motorcycles)
303
00:12:53,667 --> 00:12:55,291
(Homer imitating loud revving)
304
00:12:59,417 --> 00:13:00,625
(grunts)
305
00:13:00,709 --> 00:13:02,834
Uh, let me help you back on your hog.
306
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:07,208
Me and Nelson are so close,
people are calling us "Homeson."
307
00:13:07,417 --> 00:13:09,041
Homeson away!
308
00:13:09,166 --> 00:13:11,834
(Homer and Nelson imitating motorcycles)
309
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:14,166
NELSON:
Homeson!
310
00:13:14,291 --> 00:13:15,333
Vroom.
311
00:13:16,166 --> 00:13:17,959
Mom, are you seeing all this?
312
00:13:18,041 --> 00:13:20,291
-Yes.
-Are you gonna do anything?
313
00:13:20,417 --> 00:13:22,000
-No.
-Why not?
314
00:13:22,125 --> 00:13:24,583
(sighs)
This is a complicated one.
315
00:13:24,667 --> 00:13:26,250
Both boys are being helped.
316
00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:30,291
What I'm trying to say is
it's time to change Maggie.
317
00:13:30,375 --> 00:13:32,333
Where are you, my little excuse?
318
00:13:35,500 --> 00:13:37,166
Sorry!
319
00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:44,208
-(laughs)
-(grunts)
320
00:13:45,083 --> 00:13:47,250
Dad, what exactly are you teaching Nelson?
321
00:13:47,333 --> 00:13:48,166
Uh...
322
00:13:49,291 --> 00:13:50,125
Banking.
323
00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:52,250
Aiming for success.
324
00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:56,542
And breaking into the music industry.
325
00:13:57,417 --> 00:13:58,583
Here's $40.
326
00:13:58,667 --> 00:14:00,041
That's a lot of money to me.
327
00:14:00,417 --> 00:14:03,917
But I want you to get some therapy
about what you're doing.
328
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,250
40 bucks' worth of therapy coming up.
329
00:14:07,125 --> 00:14:08,959
From a licensed therapist.
330
00:14:09,250 --> 00:14:10,625
Moe has a liquor license.
331
00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:13,291
Yeah, let's not discuss that too much.
332
00:14:13,375 --> 00:14:15,375
Take the money.
Get some help.
333
00:14:15,959 --> 00:14:17,750
Why are you doing this?
334
00:14:17,875 --> 00:14:20,417
Dad, I have to be the voice of morality.
335
00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:21,834
No, you don't.
336
00:14:21,959 --> 00:14:24,041
Well, I like being the voice of morality.
337
00:14:24,291 --> 00:14:27,917
And I like believing this role
has not typecast me!
338
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,542
I can still do Shakespeare!
339
00:14:30,750 --> 00:14:34,375
All that glitters is not
delicious Duff Gold!
340
00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:35,875
To pee or not to pee!
341
00:14:36,083 --> 00:14:37,959
There is no question!
342
00:14:38,041 --> 00:14:38,875
Oh, no!
343
00:14:39,333 --> 00:14:41,875
-Excuse me. Got to pee.
-(shoes squeaking)
344
00:14:45,041 --> 00:14:47,125
Doc, I see it all so clearly now.
345
00:14:47,208 --> 00:14:50,834
I'm afraid of success because
my father never had time for me.
346
00:14:50,917 --> 00:14:52,250
-Which means...
-Time's up.
347
00:14:52,375 --> 00:14:54,500
-But two more minutes...
-It's not a breakthrough.
348
00:14:54,709 --> 00:14:57,667
Ah, now I feel worse than when I came in.
349
00:14:57,750 --> 00:14:58,625
See you next month.
350
00:15:00,625 --> 00:15:03,166
Okay.
40 bucks gets you ten minutes. Go!
351
00:15:03,375 --> 00:15:06,291
I was mentoring another kid
to make my son jealous,
352
00:15:06,375 --> 00:15:07,959
and something weird happened.
353
00:15:08,083 --> 00:15:10,250
I'm actually starting
to like the little dingus.
354
00:15:10,667 --> 00:15:11,542
Help me.
355
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,500
I am appalled!
356
00:15:13,583 --> 00:15:17,208
You are ruining two boys' lives
for your own petty ego.
357
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:19,542
Let me tell you
what a good therapist says.
358
00:15:19,667 --> 00:15:23,000
A good therapist says,
"Whatever you do is right"!
359
00:15:23,083 --> 00:15:25,333
-That's only if you're rich.
-D'oh!
360
00:15:28,250 --> 00:15:29,667
Mentor entering.
361
00:15:30,125 --> 00:15:31,834
Hey, Homer, honey.
362
00:15:31,917 --> 00:15:33,625
Come on, spend a minute with Mama.
363
00:15:33,709 --> 00:15:36,291
Look, lady, I'm not interested in...
364
00:15:36,375 --> 00:15:37,583
-What the!
-I know.
365
00:15:37,667 --> 00:15:42,291
You're just spending time with my son
to make your son jealous.
366
00:15:42,792 --> 00:15:46,583
Sooner or later, you're gonna
leave him, like all the rest.
367
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,458
(dramatic musical sting)
368
00:15:49,583 --> 00:15:51,792
(higher dramatic musical sting)
369
00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:54,000
(higher dramatic musical sting)
370
00:15:54,083 --> 00:15:55,291
(grunting)
371
00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:57,208
Mm-hmm.
372
00:15:57,333 --> 00:15:58,208
(dramatic musical sting)
373
00:15:58,333 --> 00:15:59,542
And it'll break his heart.
374
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:01,583
Hey, I'm not here to save the world.
375
00:16:01,709 --> 00:16:04,750
I'm a mentor.
I come in, I ment, then I go.
376
00:16:11,417 --> 00:16:13,375
Tell that boy the truth.
377
00:16:13,792 --> 00:16:14,667
(grunting)
378
00:16:16,041 --> 00:16:17,250
(Homer grunts softly)
379
00:16:20,583 --> 00:16:22,208
Son, we need to talk.
380
00:16:22,291 --> 00:16:24,875
No. No. I know where this goes.
381
00:16:24,959 --> 00:16:29,291
It ends with you giving me a phone number
that starts with 555.
382
00:16:29,458 --> 00:16:31,792
-No! Wait!
-What do you have to say?
383
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:34,750
I was only mentoring you
384
00:16:34,834 --> 00:16:37,792
to punish my son
for becoming a better boy.
385
00:16:37,875 --> 00:16:40,166
-I knew it!
-Where are you going?
386
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:42,625
I'm gonna get even.
I can't make you stay,
387
00:16:42,709 --> 00:16:45,041
but I can take it out on your kid.
388
00:16:45,125 --> 00:16:47,542
Not Bart! I do love him!
389
00:16:48,125 --> 00:16:49,583
(exasperated grunt)
390
00:16:50,458 --> 00:16:54,125
(dramatic music playing)
391
00:17:01,834 --> 00:17:02,709
(blows loud note)
392
00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:05,709
(marching band playing)
393
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:07,875
(crowd chanting) We're Christians!
We're proud!
394
00:17:07,959 --> 00:17:09,834
(whispering) But don't say it too loud.
395
00:17:09,959 --> 00:17:12,792
Holding hands are holy hands.
396
00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:15,166
Ew. Are you wearing lotion?
397
00:17:15,333 --> 00:17:16,750
I'm very chappy.
398
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,000
(crowd cheering)
399
00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:26,625
(intense music playing)
400
00:17:51,291 --> 00:17:53,458
Uh, welcome, er, uh, Christians.
401
00:17:53,542 --> 00:17:56,458
God is pleased to thank
our corporate sponsor,
402
00:17:56,542 --> 00:17:58,041
C. Montgomery Burns.
403
00:17:58,125 --> 00:17:59,542
(crowd boos)
404
00:17:59,625 --> 00:18:01,250
LENNY: Why won't you die?
405
00:18:01,333 --> 00:18:03,875
Mr. Burns will take questions later.
406
00:18:03,959 --> 00:18:06,417
Er, uh, thanks to this magnificent parade,
407
00:18:06,542 --> 00:18:10,166
you right-wing ding-dongs
will keep me in office forever.
408
00:18:10,333 --> 00:18:11,375
CROWD:
Yay!
409
00:18:13,625 --> 00:18:16,750
And now, at the spectacular
culmination of the parade,
410
00:18:16,917 --> 00:18:19,542
when the final float
has safely cleared the route,
411
00:18:19,709 --> 00:18:21,792
a giant pair of praying hands
412
00:18:21,875 --> 00:18:23,792
will swing from the sides of the street
413
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,333
and come together in holy union.
414
00:18:32,125 --> 00:18:33,417
He's gonna crush Bart!
415
00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:35,125
Where's Flanders now?
416
00:18:35,208 --> 00:18:36,417
Right here. What do you need?
417
00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:37,709
Get away from me!
418
00:18:38,542 --> 00:18:40,542
(intense music playing)
419
00:18:54,625 --> 00:18:57,959
No...
420
00:18:58,041 --> 00:18:58,917
(grunts)
421
00:19:00,667 --> 00:19:02,041
(grunting)
422
00:19:04,667 --> 00:19:06,333
-(coughing)
-Hi, Dad.
423
00:19:06,417 --> 00:19:09,333
Son, you want to ride
in the ambulance together?
424
00:19:09,417 --> 00:19:11,333
Aw.
That's always been our thing.
425
00:19:13,667 --> 00:19:14,917
Aw.
426
00:19:17,875 --> 00:19:19,542
-Dad?
-Yes, son?
427
00:19:19,625 --> 00:19:21,750
Can I have a hit off your oxygen?
428
00:19:21,834 --> 00:19:23,208
Of course.
429
00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:25,208
(inhales deeply)
430
00:19:25,291 --> 00:19:26,625
I'm a great dad.
431
00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:38,542
I'm sorry I was using you.
You're a sweet kid.
432
00:19:38,709 --> 00:19:40,917
One day we'll have a beer
about this and laugh.
433
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,750
-Can it be tomorrow?
-Sure.
434
00:19:42,834 --> 00:19:46,417
But for today,
I know a certain stupid someone
435
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:49,500
who might be a little better
at this than me.
436
00:19:50,083 --> 00:19:52,291
(heavenly choir sings)
437
00:19:53,333 --> 00:19:56,417
-What's the matter, son?
-Aw, you wouldn't understand.
438
00:19:56,500 --> 00:19:58,208
A rich church usher like you.
439
00:19:58,291 --> 00:20:00,375
Hey, I got two troublemakers of my own.
440
00:20:00,458 --> 00:20:02,458
Who told you boys
you could clean up this dump?
441
00:20:02,542 --> 00:20:03,625
BOTH: No one.
442
00:20:03,709 --> 00:20:05,542
I think I just might understand
how you feel.
443
00:20:05,625 --> 00:20:08,375
You lost a dad.
I lost two Mrs. Flanderses.
444
00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:10,625
Maybe my boys and I could
take you to a ball game sometime.
445
00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:12,542
-What do you say?
-Papa!
446
00:20:12,667 --> 00:20:15,375
Yay! We have a brother!
447
00:20:15,458 --> 00:20:18,625
-Mean foster brother.
-BOTH: Yay!
448
00:20:20,875 --> 00:20:22,959
God bless Rod and Todd
449
00:20:23,041 --> 00:20:25,834
and especially my wonderful mentor,
450
00:20:25,917 --> 00:20:27,291
Mr. Flanders.
451
00:20:27,375 --> 00:20:28,500
ALL: Amen.
452
00:20:28,667 --> 00:20:31,125
Let me get fresh napkins for everyone.
453
00:20:31,917 --> 00:20:33,291
Hey, how's it going?
454
00:20:33,625 --> 00:20:36,834
Still can't believe you've
renounced the way of the bully.
455
00:20:37,041 --> 00:20:39,542
Eh, what can I say?
People change.
456
00:20:40,625 --> 00:20:42,458
Thaw-thaw!
457
00:20:42,792 --> 00:20:47,041
(organ plays "Charge" fanfare)
458
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:53,083
Tell me again,
why did I trade Flanders for you?
459
00:20:53,166 --> 00:20:55,208
Because we can do this.
460
00:20:55,291 --> 00:20:56,834
-(grunts)
-FLANDERS: Ow!
461
00:20:57,083 --> 00:20:58,750
(both laughing)
462
00:20:59,333 --> 00:21:01,083
(theme music playing)
463
00:21:28,709 --> 00:21:29,917
Shh!
464
00:21:30,208 --> 00:21:31,375
NELSON: Haw-haw!
465
00:21:31,500 --> 00:21:32,458
RALPH: Yay!