1 00:00:00,250 --> 00:00:01,959 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:02,041 --> 00:00:05,041 CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 3 00:00:05,417 --> 00:00:08,000 -(tires screech) -(grunts) Come on, Maggie. 4 00:00:09,375 --> 00:00:10,667 (panting) Hi. Sorry we're late. 5 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,667 This is Maggie. We're here for our first day. 6 00:00:13,917 --> 00:00:17,166 Hello, Maggie. And who will be picking her up? 7 00:00:17,250 --> 00:00:19,750 W... A-- After she falls down? 8 00:00:19,834 --> 00:00:21,750 No, at the end of the day. 9 00:00:21,834 --> 00:00:23,709 Wait, I don't stay with her? 10 00:00:23,792 --> 00:00:26,375 Research shows pre-toddlers learn best 11 00:00:26,458 --> 00:00:28,291 in a parent-free environment. 12 00:00:28,542 --> 00:00:31,291 Unless you want to stunt her growth, which is great. 13 00:00:31,375 --> 00:00:33,208 We're not supposed to judge. 14 00:00:33,375 --> 00:00:34,959 No, no, it's not that. 15 00:00:35,041 --> 00:00:37,625 I just don't want Maggie to feel abandoned. 16 00:00:37,917 --> 00:00:40,500 (giggling) 17 00:00:40,583 --> 00:00:42,458 So, we'll see you at 4:00. 18 00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:44,583 Oh. Okay, then. 19 00:00:45,125 --> 00:00:48,959 Hmm. Now what will I do with the rest of my day? 20 00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:52,250 I know. I'll ask my favorite mommy blog. 21 00:00:52,583 --> 00:00:54,542 Hmm. Hmm. 22 00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:57,333 -(motivating music) -Now turn that resistance all the way up! 23 00:00:57,417 --> 00:01:00,834 Come on! I want to see you bitches suffer! 24 00:01:00,917 --> 00:01:02,959 (cheering) 25 00:01:03,041 --> 00:01:05,250 (quietly): Am I the only one who heard that? 26 00:01:05,375 --> 00:01:06,333 I love it. 27 00:01:06,417 --> 00:01:08,959 It's like being coached by the voice inside my head. 28 00:01:09,041 --> 00:01:12,458 Spin yourselves to death, you land manatees! 29 00:01:12,542 --> 00:01:15,083 (cheering) 30 00:01:15,291 --> 00:01:17,208 (groans) Mm. 31 00:01:18,041 --> 00:01:18,875 (humming) 32 00:01:19,083 --> 00:01:22,750 Paint harder, you sausage-fingered no-talents! 33 00:01:22,834 --> 00:01:25,000 (cheering) 34 00:01:25,625 --> 00:01:27,834 MARGE: "Sex-prise your man at work." 35 00:01:27,917 --> 00:01:29,500 Mm... Hmm? 36 00:01:29,583 --> 00:01:30,583 What are you doing here? 37 00:01:30,667 --> 00:01:35,291 Maybe you could give me a safety inspection. 38 00:01:35,375 --> 00:01:37,959 Oh, my God, I can't believe this is happening. 39 00:01:38,083 --> 00:01:40,208 I'm so sex-prised! 40 00:01:40,542 --> 00:01:42,875 (quietly) There's security cameras everywhere, 41 00:01:43,041 --> 00:01:45,333 so we'll have to snuggle under the desk. 42 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:47,625 MAN (over speaker): On top of the desk, please. 43 00:01:47,709 --> 00:01:48,583 Oh! 44 00:01:49,458 --> 00:01:52,166 Thanks, Jerry! Nice. Real cool. 45 00:01:52,542 --> 00:01:55,375 (sighs) Now how do I fill the day? 46 00:01:55,625 --> 00:01:57,792 Hmm. What's Well Plus Good? 47 00:01:57,875 --> 00:01:59,625 It's pronounced "Well and Good." 48 00:01:59,834 --> 00:02:02,083 Ugh, why is everyone talking to me? 49 00:02:02,166 --> 00:02:04,333 Well, if all these people want to work here, 50 00:02:04,417 --> 00:02:06,083 maybe I want to work here. 51 00:02:07,917 --> 00:02:09,792 All right, go to tablet seven 52 00:02:09,875 --> 00:02:12,667 to take your pre-application ethics assessment. 53 00:02:12,959 --> 00:02:14,083 Cool hair, by the way. 54 00:02:14,291 --> 00:02:16,875 You think that my hair is cool? 55 00:02:16,959 --> 00:02:19,625 (chuckles) Well, thank you, Lauren. 56 00:02:19,792 --> 00:02:22,667 Oh, by the way, your name tag is upside down. 57 00:02:22,750 --> 00:02:24,333 Mm, thank you. 58 00:02:24,417 --> 00:02:26,417 You're the only person to mention that. 59 00:02:33,709 --> 00:02:38,125 Ooh, major mom vibes. She's perfect. 60 00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:41,125 "I always never lie." 61 00:02:41,208 --> 00:02:44,625 Hmm. Two. "I sometimes always never lie." 62 00:02:44,959 --> 00:02:48,625 "If I never found a wallet, I would always give it back." 63 00:02:49,125 --> 00:02:50,542 What color is the wallet? 64 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:54,000 Marge Simpson. There was never a test. 65 00:02:54,291 --> 00:02:56,041 Except there always was. 66 00:02:56,125 --> 00:02:58,792 -There wasn't? -And you passed. 67 00:02:58,875 --> 00:03:00,917 Welcome to the Well and Good family. 68 00:03:01,458 --> 00:03:03,959 The rest of you can go. Your résumés will be deleted. 69 00:03:04,417 --> 00:03:06,208 -Come on! -The hell with you! 70 00:03:06,291 --> 00:03:08,750 I'm the only one you hired? 71 00:03:09,041 --> 00:03:11,500 You're the only one we partnered with. 72 00:03:11,583 --> 00:03:12,583 Hmm. 73 00:03:14,458 --> 00:03:16,834 Okay, so I work here now. 74 00:03:16,917 --> 00:03:18,583 I never asked what we sell. 75 00:03:18,709 --> 00:03:20,041 I can figure this out. 76 00:03:20,125 --> 00:03:24,542 Hmm. Candy? Bath bombs? Blowtorches? 77 00:03:24,875 --> 00:03:26,750 $30 bottles of soda? 78 00:03:26,875 --> 00:03:28,250 Uh, excuse me. 79 00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:31,333 Uh, do you recommend the tincture or the oil? 80 00:03:31,625 --> 00:03:34,333 I-- The-- the tincture is more expensive, I guess. 81 00:03:34,417 --> 00:03:36,583 Look, this is about you. 82 00:03:36,667 --> 00:03:39,291 And taking care of you. I think. 83 00:03:39,750 --> 00:03:42,834 So you have to put yourself... first? 84 00:03:42,917 --> 00:03:45,875 Well, your no-frills, fumbling sales pitch 85 00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:48,667 has won me over. I'll take both. Yes... 86 00:03:49,083 --> 00:03:52,166 Wow, girl, you just made a hundred-dollar sale. 87 00:03:52,250 --> 00:03:53,959 You're gonna fit in great here. 88 00:03:54,375 --> 00:03:57,083 Thing is, what does here sell? 89 00:03:57,375 --> 00:03:59,250 Is this what RadioShack is now? 90 00:03:59,333 --> 00:04:02,000 Mm, no. We're a high-end cannabis boutique. 91 00:04:02,083 --> 00:04:03,834 You sell pot? 92 00:04:03,917 --> 00:04:05,750 Technically, I check IDs. 93 00:04:05,834 --> 00:04:07,291 You sell pot. 94 00:04:08,041 --> 00:04:10,166 (gasps) 95 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,000 I'm a drugs dealer! 96 00:04:12,083 --> 00:04:14,667 Mm, cannabis is legal in this state now. 97 00:04:14,750 --> 00:04:16,625 Well, so is water-skiing, 98 00:04:16,750 --> 00:04:18,583 but that doesn't mean I have to sell it! 99 00:04:19,250 --> 00:04:20,208 I'm sorry. 100 00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:24,250 Marge, don't leave, seriously. Like, I'm asking. 101 00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:28,750 Drederick Tatum! (gasps) I own your counter-top grill. 102 00:04:28,834 --> 00:04:30,917 Oh, take care not to use metal utensils 103 00:04:31,041 --> 00:04:32,417 on the non-stick surfaces. 104 00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:34,792 But anyway, after my boxing career ended, 105 00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:36,375 I was in a lot of pain. 106 00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:39,583 Specifically, in my punching hands and my blocking face. 107 00:04:39,709 --> 00:04:42,125 But following a regimen of CBD oil 108 00:04:42,208 --> 00:04:44,500 and medicinal hits from a Pikachu bong, 109 00:04:44,750 --> 00:04:46,709 I was able to enjoy life again. 110 00:04:46,792 --> 00:04:50,125 Which inspired me to create Well and Good Healing Emporiums. 111 00:04:50,208 --> 00:04:54,041 But pot is for Cheeches... and Chongs. 112 00:04:54,417 --> 00:04:56,959 Marge, it's not about getting high. It's about wellness. 113 00:04:57,041 --> 00:04:59,917 And that's why I've hand-picked the perfect team here. 114 00:05:00,041 --> 00:05:03,375 I'm an expert in cannabinoids and cutting-edge delivery systems, 115 00:05:03,458 --> 00:05:05,959 aka infusers, decarboxylators, 116 00:05:06,041 --> 00:05:08,417 transdermals and pet suppositories. 117 00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:10,041 And I'm super hot. 118 00:05:10,125 --> 00:05:11,667 And what do you need me for? 119 00:05:11,750 --> 00:05:14,875 Marge, people know you want to help them, that it's safe here. 120 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,750 Not some place for Cheeches and Chongs, 121 00:05:16,834 --> 00:05:18,291 as you so recently put it. 122 00:05:18,333 --> 00:05:19,750 Uh, I'm sorry. 123 00:05:19,834 --> 00:05:21,625 I don't think this is really me. 124 00:05:21,709 --> 00:05:24,458 -Good luck with your lifestyle. -Uh... 125 00:05:24,583 --> 00:05:27,500 Oh, it's a shame there's no drug for hurt feelings. 126 00:05:28,125 --> 00:05:30,375 Oh, wait, there totally is. 127 00:05:31,667 --> 00:05:35,375 (all munching) 128 00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:37,583 You know, in some families, 129 00:05:37,667 --> 00:05:39,792 they go around the table and everyone says 130 00:05:39,875 --> 00:05:41,625 one thing they learned that day. 131 00:05:42,041 --> 00:05:44,542 Okay. I learned that. 132 00:05:44,625 --> 00:05:47,625 Well, I learned that the former heavyweight champion 133 00:05:47,709 --> 00:05:50,000 of the world owns a marijuana store. 134 00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:52,291 And he offered me a job, which I turned down. 135 00:05:52,458 --> 00:05:53,291 Wait, what? 136 00:05:53,375 --> 00:05:55,750 I mean, the people were really cool, 137 00:05:55,834 --> 00:05:59,542 and they thought I was cool, which made me feel "stoked." 138 00:06:00,083 --> 00:06:03,792 (sighs) But I'm not going to be a reefer saleslady. 139 00:06:03,875 --> 00:06:06,166 Well, I guess there's nothing wrong with it. 140 00:06:06,291 --> 00:06:08,458 Cannabis is legal in this state. 141 00:06:09,125 --> 00:06:12,083 Yeah, it's basically the same thing as working in a liquor store. 142 00:06:12,166 --> 00:06:14,667 You can work in a liquor store? 143 00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:17,166 -(gasps) Mmm... -Stay with us, big guy. 144 00:06:17,333 --> 00:06:18,208 Mm... 145 00:06:18,291 --> 00:06:20,875 Wow. I thought you'd be opposed to it. 146 00:06:20,959 --> 00:06:22,875 People are stressed out these days. 147 00:06:22,959 --> 00:06:26,375 Scurvy is back, there's, like, 60 wars going on. 148 00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:29,291 Whales are eating our precious ocean plastic. 149 00:06:29,375 --> 00:06:32,291 Maybe people want to smoke a doob for that. 150 00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:35,083 Oh, yeah, everyone's selling crap to stoners now. 151 00:06:35,166 --> 00:06:37,458 Have you seen the new Krusty Burger commercial? 152 00:06:37,542 --> 00:06:39,083 (sitar music playing) 153 00:06:40,125 --> 00:06:43,667 When you've got the munchies, for some reason-- 154 00:06:43,750 --> 00:06:46,667 wink, wink-- you crave weird. 155 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:50,750 A deep-fried rib-wich served on a warm doughnut. 156 00:06:50,834 --> 00:06:53,792 Or a spaghetti-filled grilled cheese sandwich 157 00:06:53,917 --> 00:06:56,041 drizzled with ranch pudding. 158 00:06:56,333 --> 00:07:01,083 Krusty's Munchie Mouthfuls. It's high time you tried it. 159 00:07:01,667 --> 00:07:03,542 Get it? Get it?! 160 00:07:05,083 --> 00:07:07,291 -Get it? -(chuckles) 161 00:07:07,375 --> 00:07:08,208 I get it. 162 00:07:08,583 --> 00:07:12,041 Well, Mr. Tatum did personally choose me. 163 00:07:12,125 --> 00:07:13,667 He said I was helpful. 164 00:07:13,750 --> 00:07:17,041 Honey, you're the most helpful person I've ever met. 165 00:07:17,125 --> 00:07:22,959 Now go sell the safe legal drugs our kids should never, ever use! 166 00:07:23,125 --> 00:07:25,625 -Especially Bart! -Uh... 167 00:07:30,458 --> 00:07:31,500 (humming) 168 00:07:31,625 --> 00:07:33,083 Is this an Apple store? 169 00:07:33,208 --> 00:07:34,834 Everyone keeps asking that. 170 00:07:34,917 --> 00:07:37,375 I dropped my phone because of my arthritis. 171 00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:39,125 We can't fix your phone, 172 00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:41,542 but I can sure help with that arthritis. 173 00:07:41,792 --> 00:07:44,917 Try this amazing pain-relieving lotion. 174 00:07:45,709 --> 00:07:47,959 Oh. It tingles. 175 00:07:48,041 --> 00:07:50,458 Not like Jergens. I hate Jergens! 176 00:07:50,875 --> 00:07:54,041 You seem stressed. Hmm. 177 00:07:54,917 --> 00:07:57,291 Why not try some yummy gummies? 178 00:07:57,375 --> 00:07:58,458 (laughing) 179 00:07:59,500 --> 00:08:03,041 Marge, thank you. When Mother's happy, I'm happy. 180 00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:05,083 Or at least, much less miserable. 181 00:08:05,208 --> 00:08:09,625 This big shot here is the principal of a whole school! (chuckles) 182 00:08:09,709 --> 00:08:11,917 -Show her your key ring. -(jingles) 183 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:16,166 (laughing) 184 00:08:16,291 --> 00:08:17,667 Oh, I love it. 185 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:20,417 ♪ ♪ 186 00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:21,834 (grumbles) 187 00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:24,500 Psst. I want to buy some pot. 188 00:08:24,583 --> 00:08:26,750 All right, pump the brakes, Jhorts. 189 00:08:26,959 --> 00:08:28,917 Got to ask a few questions first. 190 00:08:29,041 --> 00:08:31,792 Now, do you want a body high 191 00:08:31,875 --> 00:08:34,333 or a front-of-the-face buzz? 192 00:08:34,417 --> 00:08:36,166 I don't know. Just hook me up. 193 00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:39,917 Mmm, I have the perfect strain in mind. 194 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:43,792 But be warned, boo, the couch-lock is strong on this one, 195 00:08:43,875 --> 00:08:46,041 but there's, like, zero mind-race. 196 00:08:46,291 --> 00:08:48,583 W-- What are you saying? I just want... 197 00:08:49,208 --> 00:08:50,125 (quietly): weed. 198 00:08:50,250 --> 00:08:51,583 Okay, almost there. 199 00:08:51,667 --> 00:08:53,083 Almost there. Now listen. 200 00:08:53,208 --> 00:08:54,542 -Do you want this in flower... -Yeah. 201 00:08:54,625 --> 00:08:56,291 -...shatter, topical... -Uh... 202 00:08:56,375 --> 00:08:58,041 -...edible, nasal mist... -I... 203 00:08:58,125 --> 00:09:01,417 -...ear drops? -Look, I just want to score a bag of shwag 204 00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:04,458 from some dude who may or may not be a cop. 205 00:09:04,542 --> 00:09:05,375 I'm a cop. 206 00:09:05,583 --> 00:09:06,458 Have you tried this? 207 00:09:07,375 --> 00:09:08,917 Nothing makes sense anymore! 208 00:09:11,625 --> 00:09:13,709 Give me a beer. 209 00:09:13,792 --> 00:09:14,667 (both gasp) 210 00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:21,542 (scoffs) It doesn't make my hair smell like anything! 211 00:09:21,625 --> 00:09:25,041 (sighs) I dreamed my whole life of legalized weed. 212 00:09:25,166 --> 00:09:26,792 Turns out it's a real buzzkill. 213 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,208 Ain't that the truth? 214 00:09:28,458 --> 00:09:29,667 Times have changed. 215 00:09:30,083 --> 00:09:33,041 The romance of alcohol is fading into the past. 216 00:09:33,375 --> 00:09:36,542 Stoners will never know the joy of sitting on the toilet 217 00:09:36,625 --> 00:09:38,583 and barfing into your own underwear. 218 00:09:38,667 --> 00:09:41,375 Or picking a fight with a guy twice your size 219 00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:43,792 because his leg touched your car. 220 00:09:43,875 --> 00:09:46,083 Yeah. I miss the old days, too. 221 00:09:46,166 --> 00:09:49,959 When buying pot was... (sniffles) scuzzy. 222 00:09:50,041 --> 00:09:52,208 I'd pay anything to turn back that clock. 223 00:09:53,333 --> 00:09:54,500 You know what'd be popular? 224 00:09:54,625 --> 00:09:58,000 If one of those legal places made it feel like you were scoring weed 225 00:09:58,083 --> 00:10:00,709 from your old-school pot connection. 226 00:10:00,792 --> 00:10:03,208 That's a great idea, and we should do it. 227 00:10:03,333 --> 00:10:04,875 Those tie-dyed bong monkeys 228 00:10:04,959 --> 00:10:07,834 will cough up big-time for the full dirtbag shebang! 229 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,625 I'll alert the bong monkeys. 230 00:10:13,250 --> 00:10:15,917 Afternoon, gernts. You need some suds? 231 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:20,125 Duffman knows it's always time for a refreshing Duff! 232 00:10:20,834 --> 00:10:23,458 Yeah, that being said, sometimes Barry is looking 233 00:10:23,542 --> 00:10:25,375 for a little herbal refreshment. 234 00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:26,333 Know what I mean? 235 00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:27,959 Right this way, fellas. 236 00:10:28,041 --> 00:10:28,917 (door squeaks) 237 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:29,917 (video game playing music) 238 00:10:30,709 --> 00:10:31,917 (squawking) 239 00:10:32,291 --> 00:10:34,500 (slowly) So you guys friends of Moe? 240 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,417 Yeah. Uh, these guys are cool. 241 00:10:37,709 --> 00:10:41,041 Whoa, tight. Come on in, gentlemen. 242 00:10:41,291 --> 00:10:44,166 Oh, wait. Here's a disclaimer, man. 243 00:10:44,250 --> 00:10:47,208 "This is a legal dispensary, compliant with all laws and statutes. 244 00:10:47,291 --> 00:10:50,250 As part of the experience, cast members may pretend it's illegal." 245 00:10:50,333 --> 00:10:52,083 All right. Shall we? 246 00:10:52,166 --> 00:10:55,834 Hmm. Crazy bird, rusty free weights, 247 00:10:55,959 --> 00:10:58,417 everything smells like a damp swimsuit... 248 00:10:58,625 --> 00:10:59,834 I'm home. 249 00:11:00,333 --> 00:11:01,542 Who are you supposed to be? 250 00:11:01,625 --> 00:11:04,458 I'm the weird friend who never acknowledges you. 251 00:11:04,542 --> 00:11:07,583 (chuckles) I was that guy for my old roommate Scott. 252 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:11,583 Mm-hmm. (humming) 253 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:16,041 -Mm? -Mm-mm. Just stick it in the Band-Aid can. 254 00:11:17,083 --> 00:11:19,208 Wh... It's all stems and seeds. 255 00:11:19,291 --> 00:11:20,667 -Mm-hmm. -Thank you. 256 00:11:20,792 --> 00:11:21,625 BOTH: Mm. 257 00:11:22,542 --> 00:11:25,041 ♪ ♪ 258 00:11:40,083 --> 00:11:42,667 So, with the success of the Well and Good brand-- 259 00:11:42,792 --> 00:11:44,166 which, you know, thank God-- 260 00:11:44,250 --> 00:11:46,583 I'm so pleased to present our latest venture... 261 00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:49,542 -(gasping, oohing) -Werk. 262 00:11:49,625 --> 00:11:51,083 This is The Drederick. 263 00:11:51,166 --> 00:11:54,500 It's a fully realized cannabis resort and spa. 264 00:11:54,875 --> 00:11:56,667 Now, for our launch event, 265 00:11:56,750 --> 00:12:00,166 we'll be inviting marijuana influencers from Dave Chapelle 266 00:12:00,250 --> 00:12:03,208 to Harrison Ford, who is flying himself, by the way, 267 00:12:03,291 --> 00:12:05,291 so, you know, fingers crossed. 268 00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:08,625 Marge, I was thinking that you would be the hostess of this launch party, 269 00:12:08,709 --> 00:12:12,083 acting as the de facto face of the Well and Good brand. 270 00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:14,750 Oh, my God. Why me? 271 00:12:14,834 --> 00:12:16,709 Well, Marge, 'cause people trust you. 272 00:12:16,834 --> 00:12:21,208 Also, my face is the intellectual property of the artist who created this tattoo. 273 00:12:21,291 --> 00:12:22,375 So, you know, I'm out. 274 00:12:22,458 --> 00:12:24,709 Oh, I'd love to. 275 00:12:24,792 --> 00:12:26,542 This is so exciting, I... 276 00:12:26,625 --> 00:12:28,583 Wait, wait, no. I wanted to ask you. 277 00:12:28,750 --> 00:12:32,375 But unfortunately, there was a fly in the CBD ointment. 278 00:12:32,834 --> 00:12:36,041 Your husband Homer is selling weed, Marge. 279 00:12:36,125 --> 00:12:38,875 (gasps) That's terrible. 280 00:12:39,458 --> 00:12:41,959 Wait, no, so am I. We all are. 281 00:12:42,083 --> 00:12:44,625 We are trying to elevate the image of cannabis. 282 00:12:44,834 --> 00:12:47,709 -This... is what he's doing. -(gasps) 283 00:12:47,959 --> 00:12:51,834 (moans) Oh, he knows how much self-esteem I get 284 00:12:51,917 --> 00:12:53,375 from selling bud. 285 00:12:53,458 --> 00:12:55,291 And that's our good frisbee. 286 00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:58,333 I'm afraid that you cannot continue with this company 287 00:12:58,500 --> 00:13:02,709 while your husband is taking pot back to the dark ages of 2018. 288 00:13:02,792 --> 00:13:04,875 -I... I'm very sorry. -Oh, no. No, no, no. 289 00:13:04,959 --> 00:13:08,458 Please, please, don't fire me. I want to be your face. 290 00:13:08,542 --> 00:13:11,709 When Homer realizes how much this is hurting me, 291 00:13:11,834 --> 00:13:13,750 I'm sure he'll understand. 292 00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:15,834 I don't understand. 293 00:13:15,959 --> 00:13:18,750 We're doing the same thing, except you dress like a doctor, 294 00:13:18,834 --> 00:13:20,750 and I dress like a cool toddler. 295 00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:22,208 Don't you get it? 296 00:13:22,291 --> 00:13:25,834 I'm a healer, and you're a dealer. 297 00:13:25,959 --> 00:13:26,917 You need to quit. 298 00:13:27,083 --> 00:13:30,583 I can quit whenever I want. I just don't want to. 299 00:13:30,667 --> 00:13:32,959 What happened to the quitter I married? 300 00:13:33,041 --> 00:13:34,250 I quit quitting! 301 00:13:34,333 --> 00:13:35,834 What's going on? 302 00:13:35,917 --> 00:13:37,792 Mom and Dad are having a drug war. 303 00:13:37,875 --> 00:13:39,375 -It's not different! -And you spent $1,000... 304 00:13:39,458 --> 00:13:41,959 I make CNN much funnier! 305 00:13:45,375 --> 00:13:47,750 -(humming) -Homer wouldn't quit. 306 00:13:47,834 --> 00:13:51,458 Here's my smock, my key to the hash register, 307 00:13:51,583 --> 00:13:54,750 my business card reading "associate." 308 00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:56,875 Instead of being the face of the company, 309 00:13:56,959 --> 00:13:59,667 my face will just be me. 310 00:13:59,750 --> 00:14:02,750 Wait, Marge. There is one way to save your job, 311 00:14:02,834 --> 00:14:05,291 but it would entail the betrayal of your husband, 312 00:14:05,375 --> 00:14:07,417 which I would never ask you to do. 313 00:14:11,792 --> 00:14:14,750 With your help, we can get the government to shut him down. 314 00:14:15,166 --> 00:14:17,291 The FBI? The DEA? 315 00:14:17,417 --> 00:14:19,667 The County Health Department. 316 00:14:21,792 --> 00:14:24,959 I don't understand. What crime is Homer committing? 317 00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:26,125 Pot's legal. 318 00:14:26,208 --> 00:14:28,417 Yes, but he isn't licensed to serve 319 00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:32,333 non-psychotropic edibles, aka food. 320 00:14:32,417 --> 00:14:34,709 If he offers snacks to his customers and they eat 321 00:14:34,792 --> 00:14:38,959 even one bite, we go in and take him down. 322 00:14:39,041 --> 00:14:42,750 So we need you to bait the trap with these. 323 00:14:43,041 --> 00:14:44,000 Are you in? 324 00:14:44,750 --> 00:14:45,625 (groans softly) 325 00:14:46,166 --> 00:14:47,750 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 326 00:14:47,834 --> 00:14:49,041 -HOMER: Nailed it. -Mm-hmm. 327 00:14:49,208 --> 00:14:51,959 You're the son I never had. 328 00:14:52,041 --> 00:14:54,291 Hey, Homer. Look who's stopped by over here. 329 00:14:54,375 --> 00:14:57,417 I am so sorry about our little tiff. 330 00:14:57,583 --> 00:15:01,959 Will you accept this apology gift for you and your friends? 331 00:15:02,041 --> 00:15:04,625 Oh, honey. You're always in my corner. 332 00:15:04,709 --> 00:15:09,250 I have the most loving, supportive, loyal wife in the world. 333 00:15:10,250 --> 00:15:11,458 (grunts) 334 00:15:11,542 --> 00:15:12,709 -(groans) -(high-pitched ringing) 335 00:15:12,792 --> 00:15:13,917 (shouts, mutters) 336 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:14,834 (humming) 337 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,750 If Simpson keeps eating like this, 338 00:15:21,917 --> 00:15:24,875 he'll hit bottom dust before anyone takes the bait. 339 00:15:24,959 --> 00:15:28,208 Come on, you fat bastard, offer the customer some cheese balls. 340 00:15:30,583 --> 00:15:33,709 And the whole floor 341 00:15:33,875 --> 00:15:35,333 is an air hockey table, 342 00:15:36,250 --> 00:15:38,709 so moving furniture... 343 00:15:39,125 --> 00:15:40,375 is like... 344 00:15:40,959 --> 00:15:42,375 -(shouts) -Homer! 345 00:15:42,458 --> 00:15:44,875 Give your friends some cheese balls. 346 00:15:44,959 --> 00:15:47,291 -Would anyone care to partake? -Hmm. 347 00:15:47,375 --> 00:15:48,458 (gasps softly) 348 00:15:48,542 --> 00:15:50,166 (Krusty chuckles) 349 00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:52,208 (both gasp) 350 00:15:52,709 --> 00:15:54,625 Code Orange. Go, go, go! 351 00:15:54,709 --> 00:15:56,000 -Stop eating! -(Homer shrieks) 352 00:15:56,166 --> 00:15:57,250 -(pounding on door) -(gasps) 353 00:15:57,333 --> 00:15:59,625 MALE AGENT: Health Department. This is a raid. 354 00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:01,125 We got to get rid of the stuff. 355 00:16:01,542 --> 00:16:02,458 (grunting) 356 00:16:05,291 --> 00:16:07,208 Oh, no! Come on! 357 00:16:07,458 --> 00:16:09,583 Oh, God! (panting) 358 00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:16,000 We got everything we need. 359 00:16:16,208 --> 00:16:17,667 You're shut down, pal. 360 00:16:22,333 --> 00:16:24,667 -(Moe shuddering) -You, you knew. 361 00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:27,041 -You... -Set you up. 362 00:16:27,125 --> 00:16:31,125 You're coming with us, scumbag, to pay a $25 fine. 363 00:16:32,542 --> 00:16:33,542 (moans softly) 364 00:16:35,542 --> 00:16:37,417 (instrumental music playing) 365 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:39,750 (sniffs) Ah... 366 00:16:40,875 --> 00:16:43,208 Marge, darling, everything is so perfect. 367 00:16:43,375 --> 00:16:46,959 I hope your husband wasn't too upset about the... you know, the treachery. 368 00:16:47,041 --> 00:16:50,875 Oh, well, Homer is very... easygoing, so... 369 00:16:51,291 --> 00:16:54,125 (slurring) Excuse me, can any of these oils or goos 370 00:16:54,250 --> 00:16:56,375 help me with a knife wound? 371 00:16:56,458 --> 00:16:59,709 I have been stabbed, in the back! 372 00:16:59,792 --> 00:17:01,208 How did you get in? 373 00:17:01,291 --> 00:17:03,208 This is by invitation only. 374 00:17:03,291 --> 00:17:05,875 I said I was Kevin Smith's father. 375 00:17:05,959 --> 00:17:07,458 No one questioned me. 376 00:17:08,542 --> 00:17:10,792 Homer, control yourself. 377 00:17:10,875 --> 00:17:12,709 You're upsetting the influencers. 378 00:17:12,792 --> 00:17:14,500 They're very easily influenced. 379 00:17:14,583 --> 00:17:17,917 (sighs) That guy is on alcohol. 380 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,000 Please don't ruin this. 381 00:17:20,083 --> 00:17:23,417 This is cannabinoid health, and I am its face. 382 00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:26,333 (blows raspberry) Cabana boy health. 383 00:17:26,417 --> 00:17:28,917 If it's so good for you... 384 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:32,875 why have you never tried pot, ever? 385 00:17:32,959 --> 00:17:35,750 (gasping, coughing) 386 00:17:37,250 --> 00:17:40,583 Well-- does a doctor need to try insulin 387 00:17:40,667 --> 00:17:43,000 to know that it helps diabetes? 388 00:17:43,083 --> 00:17:45,667 Yes. I think she should. 389 00:17:45,750 --> 00:17:47,834 Surprise! The doctor's a woman. 390 00:17:47,917 --> 00:17:48,792 Sexist! 391 00:17:48,875 --> 00:17:49,750 Oh, yeah. 392 00:17:49,834 --> 00:17:51,166 -Good point. -That is sexist. 393 00:17:51,250 --> 00:17:54,250 Look, I don't have a problem with pot. 394 00:17:54,333 --> 00:17:56,500 I can start any time I want. 395 00:17:56,583 --> 00:17:59,750 I'll do some right now. Perfect. "Serenity." 396 00:18:00,709 --> 00:18:02,709 (grumbles) 397 00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:07,417 See? Nothing. 398 00:18:07,709 --> 00:18:10,166 I'm probably one of those people it doesn't work on. 399 00:18:10,250 --> 00:18:12,125 I feel like I'm on an elevator 400 00:18:12,208 --> 00:18:15,625 that's going up and down at the same time. 401 00:18:15,709 --> 00:18:18,625 Something's wrong. You said this was about wellness, 402 00:18:18,750 --> 00:18:21,250 but I feel high. 403 00:18:21,375 --> 00:18:23,667 Okay, okay, listen. 404 00:18:23,750 --> 00:18:27,375 What you need to understand is this, (high tone) I'm high, too! 405 00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:29,667 (laughs) 406 00:18:29,834 --> 00:18:33,208 I'm Serenityed out of my gourd. 407 00:18:33,333 --> 00:18:34,166 (laughs) 408 00:18:34,250 --> 00:18:36,208 Yeah, baby. (laughs) 409 00:18:36,291 --> 00:18:37,333 (dance music playing) 410 00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:38,583 I've got to come down. 411 00:18:38,667 --> 00:18:40,208 I've got to eat something. 412 00:18:40,291 --> 00:18:44,250 Um, that was a chicken pot pot pie. 413 00:18:44,333 --> 00:18:45,750 Oh, no. I ate an eatable. 414 00:18:47,208 --> 00:18:49,875 And you just wiped your mouth with a Hash-nap, 415 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,500 the most potent thing here. 416 00:18:51,709 --> 00:18:53,417 (grunts, gasps) 417 00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:55,083 MARGE: Is this how I always walk? 418 00:18:55,166 --> 00:18:57,625 What do I do with my arms? Okay, got it. 419 00:18:57,709 --> 00:18:58,834 This is normal. 420 00:18:58,917 --> 00:19:00,834 (grunting) 421 00:19:02,125 --> 00:19:03,792 (takes deep breath) 422 00:19:04,208 --> 00:19:05,375 Hm? 423 00:19:05,458 --> 00:19:06,917 -(screams) -(knocking on door) 424 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:10,041 -Hmm? (sighs) -HOMER: Honey, it's me. 425 00:19:10,792 --> 00:19:11,959 Homie. 426 00:19:12,250 --> 00:19:14,041 You're gonna be okay. 427 00:19:14,166 --> 00:19:17,291 In two hours that will seem like 12. 428 00:19:18,792 --> 00:19:20,417 MARGE: You're so sweet. 429 00:19:20,625 --> 00:19:23,041 And I ratted you out. 430 00:19:23,125 --> 00:19:24,625 No, I get it. 431 00:19:24,709 --> 00:19:26,959 You found a place that made you feel special, 432 00:19:27,041 --> 00:19:28,458 and you didn't want to lose that. 433 00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:30,709 I still feel weird. 434 00:19:30,792 --> 00:19:33,375 Maybe you'd feel less weird if I were weird, too. 435 00:19:33,583 --> 00:19:35,959 Here, I'll smoke one of your futuristic joints. 436 00:19:36,417 --> 00:19:37,458 That's not a doobie! 437 00:19:37,834 --> 00:19:39,125 -Hmm? -Aah! 438 00:19:39,208 --> 00:19:40,917 (grunting) 439 00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:45,208 -(Marge moans) -HOMER: Uh-oh. 440 00:19:46,917 --> 00:19:47,834 (people scream) 441 00:19:47,917 --> 00:19:50,834 Oh, man, Dad, what did you do? 442 00:19:50,959 --> 00:19:52,458 (screaming) 443 00:19:52,709 --> 00:19:55,000 Hemp clothes burns like paper! 444 00:19:55,083 --> 00:19:57,166 All wrong, all wrong, all wrong! 445 00:19:59,291 --> 00:20:01,375 (psychedelic music playing) 446 00:20:06,166 --> 00:20:07,500 -MARGE: Oops. -Be cool. 447 00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:09,750 -Mm. -Cheer up, neck face. 448 00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:13,625 If there's one thing I know, it's life is nothing but pain. 449 00:20:13,709 --> 00:20:17,500 People will always need guys like you and me to get them wasted. 450 00:20:17,583 --> 00:20:20,041 Yeah, thanks, monster man hallucination. 451 00:20:20,166 --> 00:20:22,417 Your words are a-- a great comfort to me. 452 00:20:25,250 --> 00:20:27,250 We'll get through it somehow. 453 00:20:27,333 --> 00:20:30,000 Well, can I come with y... (sighs) 454 00:20:30,166 --> 00:20:33,417 (instrumental music playing) 455 00:20:40,458 --> 00:20:42,542 In reaction to the destructive Drederick blaze 456 00:20:42,625 --> 00:20:45,458 which also destroyed the Sign Language Monkey Sanctuary, 457 00:20:45,542 --> 00:20:47,959 the town council has passed an emergency ordinance 458 00:20:48,041 --> 00:20:49,875 outlawing the sale of cannabis. 459 00:20:49,959 --> 00:20:51,542 Without that tax money, 460 00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:54,875 Maggie's pre-education center will have to close. 461 00:20:54,959 --> 00:20:57,375 Aw, man, they were teaching her Mandarin. 462 00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:01,041 Well, it's probably for the best. 463 00:21:01,125 --> 00:21:03,375 Even though they say something's not addictive, 464 00:21:03,458 --> 00:21:05,375 you can still get hooked. 465 00:21:08,291 --> 00:21:09,834 (mouth full) And you don't want that. 466 00:21:09,917 --> 00:21:11,792 (Bart and Lisa coughing) 467 00:21:11,875 --> 00:21:13,667 (theme music playing) 468 00:21:29,166 --> 00:21:30,333 Shh!