1
00:00:01,918 --> 00:00:03,503
他們要我回去？

2
00:00:03,586 --> 00:00:05,296
辛普森家庭

3
00:00:05,422 --> 00:00:06,798
（歡迎蒞臨春田核電廠）

4
00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:10,427
（靈魂高尚，小人物亦可成大器）

5
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:11,761
（胖小子甜甜圈）

6
00:00:11,886 --> 00:00:13,013
（讓富翁拼經濟）

7
00:00:13,221 --> 00:00:14,139
（春田市小學）

8
00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:17,934
（我為什麼在幫兒子罰寫？）

9
00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:32,449
（易碎品）

10
00:00:39,622 --> 00:00:40,665
（春田市第一教堂）

11
00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:42,208
（請踴躍捐款）

12
00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:44,210
今天人好少

13
00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:45,712
連唱詩班都遲到了

14
00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:48,965
麥可，走共乘車道

15
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:52,385
哈雷路亞

16
00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:55,305
他們跨越雙黃線

17
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:59,267
開他們罰單

18
00:00:59,350 --> 00:01:00,393
追啊

19
00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:02,187
媽，空位這麼多

20
00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:04,397
我們非得跟老人坐嗎？

21
00:01:04,689 --> 00:01:06,858
太熱了　　　　太冷了

22
00:01:06,941 --> 00:01:09,027
我都死翹翹了

23
00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:11,488
瓊瑞佛斯幾點會來？

24
00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:12,572
她不會來

25
00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:15,325
這裡是教堂，而且不是你的教堂

26
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:17,160
新約聖經？

27
00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:18,745
這是幾時發生的？

28
00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:22,832
語音助理，播放管風琴輕音樂電台

29
00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:29,339
平安與你同在　　　　也與你同在

30
00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:31,508
你們可以更投入點

31
00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:33,843
是可以，但我們不想

32
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:36,262
我聽不見

33
00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:37,764
你明明聽得見

34
00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:42,060
主啊，讓這裡有趣點，否則帶我走吧

35
00:01:44,979 --> 00:01:47,524
（古茲塔克祈禱齋戒節）

36
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:49,567
（逾時）

37
00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:51,778
（逾時）

38
00:01:53,738 --> 00:01:55,698
大夥準備收工吧

39
00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:58,243
維古姆警官今天達標了

40
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:01,246
這樣是犯法的　　　　抱歉

41
00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:02,455
這樣吧

42
00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:03,456
給你一枚硬幣，警官

43
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:05,834
你休想賄賂我…

44
00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:08,294
天啊，這是我見過最溫柔的眼睛

45
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:10,922
亞麻衫，自然的髮色

46
00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:12,340
你要我的槍嗎？

47
00:02:12,423 --> 00:02:14,801
拿去吧　　　　謝謝

48
00:02:14,884 --> 00:02:17,345
我正想請問你教堂怎麼走

49
00:02:17,428 --> 00:02:19,097
教堂？直走到底

50
00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:21,224
第一個看見的尖頂不是

51
00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:23,143
那是艾菲爾鐵塔脫衣酒吧

52
00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:26,437
他們的法式洋蔥湯…還算能喝

53
00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:31,276
那我想…今天就到這吧

54
00:02:33,361 --> 00:02:36,239
解脫了，萬歲　　　　快跑啊

55
00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:38,575
我快無聊死了

56
00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:39,951
你走錯方向了

57
00:02:40,034 --> 00:02:41,995
我是要進去，我愛上帝

58
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,205
妳這麼愛他，不如嫁給他

59
00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:46,833
零錢，鈕扣

60
00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:48,751
＂我欠你一分錢＂

61
00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:50,253
你好，我是波德萊特

62
00:02:50,461 --> 00:02:52,422
互助會在樓下

63
00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:54,632
戒酒在右邊，戒毒在左邊

64
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:56,968
抱歉，我是看到徵人啟事來應徵的

65
00:02:57,051 --> 00:02:58,970
你們在徵年輕牧師

66
00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:00,388
我沒登徵人啟事

67
00:03:00,471 --> 00:03:01,472
是我登的

68
00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:02,974
急求佈道師 不快樂的牧師徵婚

69
00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:04,851
我是波德　　　　波德

70
00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:06,269
好漂亮的十字架

71
00:03:06,477 --> 00:03:07,979
提姆的都被咬爛了

72
00:03:08,062 --> 00:03:10,648
我一緊張就會咬十字架

73
00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:14,485
你有神職經驗嗎，波德？

74
00:03:14,652 --> 00:03:15,695
我在密西根做過

75
00:03:15,778 --> 00:03:17,655
在那裡得用瓶裝的聖水

76
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:19,908
學歷呢？

77
00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:23,328
我是神學碩士，主修聖經語言

78
00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:25,413
希臘文，希伯來文　　　　你錄取了

79
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:27,290
沒這麼快

80
00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:30,835
要先填表，報稅，訂做領圈

81
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:33,463
再說，我是這裡的老闆

82
00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:36,257
老闆應該是上帝才對吧？

83
00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:40,553
卡內基訓練營是卡內基教嗎？不是吧

84
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:41,930
這可以給我嗎？

85
00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:44,432
上廁所時瑪姬可以用這來餵我零食

86
00:03:44,515 --> 00:03:45,475
拿去吧

87
00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:47,936
波德，你有地方住嗎？　　　　還沒

88
00:03:48,019 --> 00:03:50,104
我看到著火的輪胎垃圾場旁邊有旅館

89
00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:54,692
（汽車旅館全新開幕）

90
00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:57,278
住我們家吧　　　　門都沒有

91
00:03:57,487 --> 00:04:00,198
牧師，街友們來洗腳了

92
00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:04,202
我今天想做腳趾美甲和修眉毛

93
00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:06,955
我這裡是用得上一些人手

94
00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:08,373
謝謝，我不會讓你失望

95
00:04:08,873 --> 00:04:10,833
我們不愛抱抱的

96
00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:15,630
我來參加匿名戒酒會

97
00:04:15,713 --> 00:04:17,131
通常有我，藍尼，卡爾

98
00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:20,551
大黃蜂，肯恩，但別告訴任何人

99
00:04:20,635 --> 00:04:21,803
樓下右轉

100
00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:24,389
還有午餐阿姨朵拉，圖特王

101
00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:28,017
和代號為＂迪斯可Ｓ＂的男人

102
00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:30,812
迪斯可Ｓ是癮君子

103
00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:35,316
（春田市第一教堂）

104
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:36,818
（今日婚姻調解，辛普森夫婦）

105
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,153
瑪姬，這樣很丟臉

106
00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:40,822
我們不需要諮商

107
00:04:40,905 --> 00:04:42,115
我們需要諮商

108
00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:44,284
我現在一肚子火

109
00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:45,576
那就學我啊

110
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:48,413
回家就有熱騰騰的晚餐等著你

111
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:53,084
好的，我沒有任何先入為主的偏見

112
00:04:53,167 --> 00:04:55,169
告訴我，荷馬錯在哪裡？

113
00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:57,588
他沒告訴我就把房子賣了

114
00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:01,384
海倫，他在玩我的火車嗎？

115
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:05,096
失陪一下，我的鐵路有點麻煩

116
00:05:05,179 --> 00:05:06,264
我們沒事了？

117
00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:08,349
把房產討回來才沒事

118
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,393
你是說＂房船＂嗎？

119
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:12,812
＂房產＂，我是說＂房產＂

120
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:17,984
（春田市第一教堂）

121
00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:19,319
（上帝已經下班了）

122
00:05:24,198 --> 00:05:25,992
抱歉牧師，我想休息了

123
00:05:26,075 --> 00:05:29,579
列車不會因為你的大頭擋住就停下來

124
00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:34,542
（春田鐵路）

125
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:36,961
你在幹嘛？　　　　沒事

126
00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:38,171
你要丟嗎　　　　沒有

127
00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:40,048
你要把小樹幹丟在我臉上

128
00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:41,674
來鬧我？還真好笑　　　　沒有

129
00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:42,884
沒有　　　　丟啊

130
00:05:42,967 --> 00:05:44,218
丟下來　　　　我沒有

131
00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:45,428
你想丟嗎？

132
00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:47,472
聽著，我們都是成年人了

133
00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:49,265
別碰我的小車車

134
00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:50,475
我很樂意

135
00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:55,188
這招終於派上用場了

136
00:05:55,521 --> 00:06:00,735
瞌睡蟲，＂密西根人＂的作風我不瞭

137
00:06:00,818 --> 00:06:03,071
你搞錯括號的用法了

138
00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:05,656
但在我的教區，我們要教化信眾

139
00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:09,285
哪怕是不中聽的話，我也得說

140
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,245
Ｉ，２７

141
00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:13,039
什麼？　　　　他說什麼？

142
00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:15,083
我們聽不清楚

143
00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:17,377
Ｂ…３

144
00:06:18,586 --> 00:06:20,588
要的話我可以幫你喊

145
00:06:20,671 --> 00:06:21,672
讓你省點力

146
00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:24,425
賓果需要經驗老道的司儀

147
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:26,344
Ｇ…４８

148
00:06:26,427 --> 00:06:28,554
Ｎ…４３

149
00:06:28,679 --> 00:06:30,348
我都沒有

150
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:34,018
我可以勝任

151
00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:37,355
我在神學院當過划船隊的發令員

152
00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:39,482
我們不准用＂舵手＂這個字

153
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:45,238
賓果不適合菜鳥，字母很容易聽錯的

154
00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:49,409
Ｂ１５，巴德薩的＂Ｂ＂

155
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:52,745
他說嘉德薩嗎？　　　　金果

156
00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:55,373
金果帶你上廁所

157
00:06:55,456 --> 00:06:57,417
我不想上

158
00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:00,253
金果也不樂意好嗎？

159
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:02,255
人又好少

160
00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:05,007
那兩個還只是來親熱的

161
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:12,598
我們在教堂裡面做，就不怕懷孕了

162
00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:15,893
早…

163
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:17,770
抱歉

164
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:31,492
弟兄姐妹們，愛喬牧師今天喉嚨不適

165
00:07:33,327 --> 00:07:35,580
少說點話吧，牧師

166
00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:37,373
我們可以取消布道

167
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:38,708
可以走了

168
00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,882
但上帝顯然未卜先知

169
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:48,885
連代打都派來了

170
00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:52,930
布道不用取消了

171
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:55,475
（嬰兒護理室）

172
00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:59,228
現在請歡迎我們的年輕新牧師

173
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:00,480
波德萊特

174
00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:01,939
什麼？

175
00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:04,859
謝謝，介紹很簡單，耶穌會喜歡的

176
00:08:04,942 --> 00:08:08,404
在牧師休養期間，我們唱首歌吧

177
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,781
牧師，你同意的話就咳一聲

178
00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:13,701
我們沒說好兩聲代表什麼

179
00:08:13,784 --> 00:08:15,244
就當成雙倍贊成吧

180
00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:20,166
就唱＂奇異恩典＂吧，大家都會的

181
00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:21,584
不會的人

182
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:23,461
請翻到＂恩典，逗號，奇異＂那一頁

183
00:08:30,134 --> 00:08:33,054
奇異恩典，何等甘甜

184
00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:36,140
我罪已得赦免

185
00:08:36,807 --> 00:08:39,560
前我失喪，今被尋回

186
00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:43,064
瞎眼今得看見

187
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:47,485
這是白人教堂裡最鼓舞人心的一刻了

188
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:49,946
這麼多年來的平凡恩典

189
00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:52,406
如今終於變得奇異了

190
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:55,993
耶穌的演唱會一定就是這種感覺

191
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:04,085
謝謝你們 現在我們來唱幾首新聖歌

192
00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:09,799
哈雷路亞哈雷路　　　　哈雷路亞

193
00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:13,678
哈雷路亞哈雷路　　　　哈雷路亞

194
00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:19,600
教堂裡有驚人的事發生了

195
00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:21,102
我們去看看

196
00:09:21,185 --> 00:09:23,271
（春田市小學）

197
00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:25,064
好，我們都懂了

198
00:09:25,147 --> 00:09:26,357
恩典是奇異的

199
00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:28,568
我知道你們通常散會時

200
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:29,610
才會高喊哈雷路亞

201
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,446
我喜歡這種隨興感

202
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:35,825
但可以的話，我想跟你們說真心話

203
00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:38,828
我沒有講稿，但我該聊上帝吧？

204
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:41,622
教堂，牧師，聊上帝是當然的

205
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,499
但事實是，我今早醒來

206
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,668
甚至不確定自己信上帝

207
00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:47,962
沒有上帝？

208
00:09:48,045 --> 00:09:50,464
塞住耳朵，用力塞到底

209
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:53,718
別緊張，我只是有所懷疑罷了

210
00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:55,469
相信你們多數人都有

211
00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:57,305
世上有太多苦難

212
00:09:57,388 --> 00:10:00,975
我不確定真的有神在雲上看著我們

213
00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:02,476
那就是神的形象吧

214
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,604
對於大多數人
上帝只是個監控無死角的

215
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:06,314
吝嗇躺著也中槍

216
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:10,901
刮快點，否則沒小費

217
00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:14,280
我會給你個痛快的

218
00:10:14,488 --> 00:10:16,282
快點，我要去葬禮

219
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:19,910
你馬上就會去葬禮的

220
00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:22,413
這實在太久了

221
00:10:22,496 --> 00:10:24,790
我應該一刀砍下去的

222
00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:26,917
然後我突然醒悟了

223
00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:30,296
我突然醒悟
上帝可能不在雲端 所謂的在別處

224
00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:33,841
上帝可能此刻就在這裡 觸手可及

225
00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:36,135
我第一次不感到孤單了

226
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:37,553
活著真美好

227
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,181
買兇自殺的合約取消吧

228
00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:41,849
太遲了

229
00:10:41,932 --> 00:10:44,143
你不能收我跟蹤費嗎？

230
00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:45,519
好，四成

231
00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:47,897
而且只能在手機上取消

232
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:49,106
好吧，我…

233
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,192
我螢幕當掉了

234
00:10:51,275 --> 00:10:52,526
（謀殺未取消）

235
00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:56,864
或許上帝只是
我們共同創造和銘記的愛的代名詞

236
00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:59,116
它不會否定我們的質疑

237
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,619
或斥責我們的酒癮

238
00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:07,375
終於，我的成就被看見了

239
00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:09,919
我們多數人
心中的上帝都以自己為原型

240
00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:11,379
而不是別的參照物

241
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:12,630
神熱愛多樣性

242
00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:14,465
祂不只創造了一種花

243
00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:18,678
世間存在著數以千計的品種
玫瑰 百合 蘭花

244
00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:19,887
野草也同時生出

245
00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:23,307
但祂平等地愛它們，就像蜜蜂一樣

246
00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:26,977
你把大黃蜂變成謙卑蜂了

247
00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:29,522
耶穌曾說
“讓野草和麥子一同生長”

248
00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:31,148
這意味著它們
都得到了上帝的庇護 跟自己和解吧

249
00:11:31,273 --> 00:11:32,441
放開心胸吧

250
00:11:32,608 --> 00:11:34,193
你不必搏得上帝的愛

251
00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:35,945
你就是上帝的愛

252
00:11:36,278 --> 00:11:38,948
就到這吧，時間還早，但天氣這麼好

253
00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:39,990
大家出去走走吧

254
00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:41,534
耶穌巡演 聖地之旅

255
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,828
抱歉 兄弟
演唱會結束了 就剩外圍了

256
00:11:44,578 --> 00:11:47,164
波德…

257
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:50,418
波德…

258
00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:52,336
為愛喬牧師歡呼三聲

259
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:53,587
白目佛朗德斯

260
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:57,258
白目佛朗德斯…

261
00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:58,759
我愛教堂

262
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:01,262
我在天堂不會單身了

263
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,266
真是太精采了

264
00:12:05,349 --> 00:12:08,561
簡直就像某種宗教體驗似的

265
00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:10,271
跟我們一起去吃煎餅吧？

266
00:12:11,021 --> 00:12:13,524
這是新袍子嗎？感覺好神聖

267
00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:15,609
不用安慰我，奈德

268
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:19,113
你說得對，抱歉，你今天表現不佳

269
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:21,657
還是安慰我好了

270
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,743
比方說…稱讚我的鞋？

271
00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:25,453
瞧瞧這雙鞋

272
00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:27,621
繫得多麼緊，結打得好正

273
00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:29,874
有人很會打兔耳結喔

274
00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:31,167
是海倫打的

275
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:33,127
（棒棒煎餅店）

276
00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:34,962
牧師，你要領禱嗎？

277
00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:38,466
主啊…　　　　抱歉，我沒講清楚

278
00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:40,676
我是說大家都喜歡的新人酷牧師

279
00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:42,678
你請坐

280
00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:45,639
我覺得不用我說，餐點就夠美味了

281
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:46,849
是上帝讓它美味的

282
00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:48,768
別誤會，感恩是好事

283
00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:50,770
但沒必要對著食物祈禱

284
00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:52,521
搞得大家很尷尬，對吧？

285
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:55,357
講得很好，雖然比禱告更長

286
00:12:56,692 --> 00:12:59,195
我不要培根，我吃素

287
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:01,864
而且其實我信佛

288
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:03,365
很好啊，我愛佛祖

289
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,493
我的名字就是取自菩提樹

290
00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:06,619
我也不吃肉

291
00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:08,204
你吃素？

292
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:10,206
那演化論呢？　　　　我相信

293
00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:11,540
迪吉還是大鳥？

294
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:15,294
約翰柯川和艾靈頓公爵，１９６２年

295
00:13:15,836 --> 00:13:18,506
這麼完美的爵士樂答案

296
00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:20,299
只能用爵士樂來回應

297
00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:32,311
這頓早午餐變成了爵士早午餐

298
00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:34,772
我信教了

299
00:13:34,855 --> 00:13:35,689
那很好，麗莎

300
00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:38,484
但信仰的重點不在於信什麼

301
00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:40,820
你總得相信這些屁話

302
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:42,154
才能上天堂啊

303
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:43,906
那樣或許我還有機會

304
00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:46,617
見到拋棄我的母親

305
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:48,744
（把籃子還我）

306
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,663
對，但只要團結

307
00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:53,165
我們可以把人間變成天堂

308
00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:55,417
中國有一則關於天堂跟地獄的寓言

309
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:58,462
說地獄是一張盛滿飯菜的長桌

310
00:13:58,546 --> 00:13:59,630
但大家都挨餓

311
00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:02,049
因為筷子長得像撞球桿

312
00:14:02,132 --> 00:14:03,843
食物放不進嘴巴

313
00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:06,345
這是最糟的牛年了

314
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:09,306
但在寓言裡，天堂也是一樣的長桌

315
00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:11,267
一樣的食物和長筷子

316
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:12,643
但大家都吃得很飽

317
00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:14,228
因為他們互相餵對方

318
00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:18,691
等等，我也可以妙語如珠

319
00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:20,901
聽過希臘人和猶太人結婚的笑話嗎？

320
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:23,779
他們不知道該摔盤子還是杯子

321
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:28,117
請帶著你的文化歧視

322
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,995
滾回你的西班牙宗教審判所

323
00:14:31,328 --> 00:14:32,288
我失去他們了

324
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:33,539
你從未擁有過我們

325
00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:37,543
（耶穌酥餅，聖露汽水）

326
00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:42,882
提姆，教會想感謝你多年來的…

327
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:44,133
無能

328
00:14:45,426 --> 00:14:46,677
脫了他的教袍

329
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,804
我們喜歡穿緊身牛仔褲的新人

330
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,223
你不需要復職了

331
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:53,475
什麼意思？你們要開除我？

332
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:54,518
答對了

333
00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:55,811
請交出你的十字架

334
00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:57,229
別逼我們動手

335
00:15:00,357 --> 00:15:01,358
提姆

336
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:06,572
還有你的領圈

337
00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:09,325
（停止服務）

338
00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:14,246
從前你加持過的聖水，都變回清水了

339
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:15,539
只是自來水而已

340
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,881
（醃黃瓜）

341
00:15:23,964 --> 00:15:26,008
你知道波德的影音網站

342
00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:27,134
有兩萬多人訂閱嗎？

343
00:15:27,217 --> 00:15:28,594
我們的教堂搞不好會紅

344
00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:32,473
關閉視窗　　　　你剛訂閱了

345
00:15:32,556 --> 00:15:34,975
什麼？不　　　　現在你按讚了

346
00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:36,518
別幸災樂禍

347
00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:38,479
你剛給他發送了一個茄子表情

348
00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:41,815
至少這表情不會造成誤解 等等

349
00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:43,233
網路可以幫助我

350
00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:44,526
挖出他的汙點

351
00:15:44,818 --> 00:15:46,320
谷歌上面沒有

352
00:15:46,403 --> 00:15:47,321
我試試看必應

353
00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:48,447
（必應）

354
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:50,240
抱歉，我睡著了

355
00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:53,535
你真的要用我嗎？　　　　對

356
00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:57,748
沒東西，但我不會放棄

357
00:15:57,998 --> 00:15:59,625
收拾行李，海倫

358
00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:01,251
我們要去密西根了

359
00:16:05,589 --> 00:16:07,633
牧師，我們來做婚姻諮商

360
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:08,842
我很樂意

361
00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:10,844
但你們已經有最好的顧問了

362
00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:11,929
就是彼此

363
00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:15,474
等等，但瑪姬總說溝通對婚姻有害

364
00:16:15,557 --> 00:16:17,184
我是說有益

365
00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:18,268
什麼有益？

366
00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:21,105
你們只是需要換位思考

367
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:23,649
真的，穿上對方的鞋試試看

368
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:27,152
好吧

369
00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:31,949
你的鞋子好緊

370
00:16:32,032 --> 00:16:35,411
還做那麼多家事，你真是天使

371
00:16:35,577 --> 00:16:37,246
你的鞋子好重

372
00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:39,915
我都不知道你負擔這麼大

373
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:43,210
我又開始看見我愛上的那個人了

374
00:16:43,293 --> 00:16:45,671
在哪？我宰了他　　　　就是你

375
00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:48,757
我得承認這感覺真好

376
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:51,218
但他賣房子的事怎麼辦？

377
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,387
我能打個岔嗎？　　　　當然

378
00:16:53,470 --> 00:16:56,432
我看過你們家，安檢絕對不會過

379
00:16:56,515 --> 00:16:58,183
你確定？　　　　超破的

380
00:16:58,517 --> 00:16:59,852
謝謝牧師

381
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:09,111
（時間簡史，史蒂芬霍金著）

382
00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:10,404
麗莎，你怎麼來了？

383
00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:12,990
我想邀請你跟我一起打坐

384
00:17:13,073 --> 00:17:15,409
可以啊，我正好有＂唵＂

385
00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:19,288
天啊，這是我聽過最…

386
00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:22,916
我只聽過這個打坐笑話

387
00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:26,545
亞歷克薩 播放冥想歌單

388
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:34,219
科學稱之為意識，神祕學稱為靈魂

389
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:36,180
但都只是話語，只是標籤

390
00:17:36,263 --> 00:17:39,600
無論它是什麼，都在你的雙眼背後

391
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:41,852
深呼吸，麗莎

392
00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:18,514
（動畫經費不足）

393
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:24,061
（你想見上帝嗎？是／否）

394
00:18:27,272 --> 00:18:28,607
你看見按鈕了吧

395
00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:30,609
沒錯

396
00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:33,028
（歡迎來到密西根…你確定要來？）

397
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,697
提姆，我們可以去馬基納克島

398
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:38,283
那裡有世上最長的旅館前廊

399
00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:41,078
你就喜歡又大又長，是嗎？

400
00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:44,248
你為這小鎮做了一些
我覺得不可能會發生的事情

401
00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:46,583
一次全方位的宗教復興

402
00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:51,421
趁熱吃吧，就像聖保羅的話語

403
00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:54,842
溫暖你們的心一樣

404
00:18:56,051 --> 00:18:59,138
親愛的以弗所書，讓我引用你的話

405
00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:03,058
＂相信基督，否則我用球棒打你頭＂

406
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,269
我真的會動手　　　　阿門

407
00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:10,065
我不是想改變人們的想法
我只是想試著開始跟人交談

408
00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:13,152
我們需要這個
這小鎮就像個雪花玻璃球

409
00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:16,738
看起來壓根不像 除非你搖晃一下

410
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:20,409
我想要救贖 否則 老兄

411
00:19:20,617 --> 00:19:21,910
否則什麼

412
00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:23,912
否則曼凱維奇拉比就會替代你 老兄

413
00:19:24,037 --> 00:19:26,748
我不太會發那個“光”音

414
00:19:26,874 --> 00:19:30,586
要么是“哐明節” 要么就是
“咣明節” 好嗎 選一個吧

415
00:19:32,212 --> 00:19:34,089
（特拉弗斯市日報，兩頁了事）

416
00:19:38,719 --> 00:19:40,012
教會一個人用微縮膠片

417
00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:43,056
一輩子的瘡疤挖不完

418
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:46,768
無毒不丈夫，有仇必報

419
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:51,690
我們應該把它數位化的

420
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,693
（下集待續）

421
00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:58,155
但願下集會有人來救我

422
00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:01,825
（並不會）

423
00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:12,461
下週的《向神父宣戰第二部》

424
00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:14,421
我聽說之前那位

425
00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:17,633
在這里布道的人
身上有些污點，波特賴特

426
00:20:17,758 --> 00:20:18,884
帥氣牧師在復活節被罷免

427
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,596
你 先生 因為《聖經》質疑了我

428
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,058
如果你想說《聖經》的話

429
00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:28,810
那我們就“全地都要向耶和華歡樂”

430
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,437
很好

431
00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:34,316
如果激進主義不查收 要它還有何用

432
00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:37,778
敬請期待下週的《辛普森一家》

433
00:21:15,732 --> 00:21:17,651
謝謝觀賞

434
00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:22,864
翻譯：王小九