1 00:00:00,083 --> 00:00:01,542 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:01,834 --> 00:00:02,750 They want me back? 3 00:00:02,834 --> 00:00:04,625 CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 4 00:00:09,583 --> 00:00:10,709 (shrieks) 5 00:00:13,875 --> 00:00:15,375 (writing on the board) 6 00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:18,417 (school bell rings) 7 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,041 (grunts) 8 00:00:21,125 --> 00:00:22,083 (tires screeching) 9 00:00:24,250 --> 00:00:25,250 D'oh! 10 00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:27,875 (grunts) 11 00:00:30,917 --> 00:00:32,250 (shivering) 12 00:00:42,875 --> 00:00:44,208 No one's here today. 13 00:00:44,333 --> 00:00:45,792 Even the choir's late. 14 00:00:45,917 --> 00:00:48,792 ♪ Michael, take the carpool lane ♪ 15 00:00:48,917 --> 00:00:52,208 ♪ Hallelujah ♪ 16 00:00:52,375 --> 00:00:55,208 ♪ They just crossed the double line ♪ 17 00:00:55,417 --> 00:00:58,709 ♪ Traffice school them ♪ 18 00:00:58,875 --> 00:01:00,458 - (siren wailing) - Yeah. 19 00:01:00,542 --> 00:01:01,875 Mom, with all the room, 20 00:01:01,959 --> 00:01:04,417 do we have to sit so close to the geezers? 21 00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:06,834 - It's too hot. - It's too cold. 22 00:01:06,959 --> 00:01:09,208 I'm not even alive. 23 00:01:09,291 --> 00:01:11,542 What time does Joan Rivers come on? 24 00:01:11,625 --> 00:01:12,625 She doesn't. 25 00:01:12,709 --> 00:01:15,375 This is a church, and it's not your church. 26 00:01:15,458 --> 00:01:16,750 New Testament? 27 00:01:16,834 --> 00:01:18,750 Oy-yoi-yoi, when did this happen? 28 00:01:19,625 --> 00:01:22,583 Alexa, play Tranquil Organ Radio. 29 00:01:26,291 --> 00:01:27,750 Peace be with you. 30 00:01:27,834 --> 00:01:29,375 And also with you. 31 00:01:29,583 --> 00:01:31,500 Oh, you can do better than that. 32 00:01:31,583 --> 00:01:33,917 We can, but we don't want to. 33 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,750 I can't hear you. 34 00:01:35,834 --> 00:01:37,834 You clearly can. 35 00:01:37,917 --> 00:01:39,667 Lord, either make this interesting 36 00:01:39,750 --> 00:01:42,083 or just rapture me now. 37 00:01:43,041 --> 00:01:45,917 (rock music playing) 38 00:01:53,709 --> 00:01:55,667 Salt the ham water, boys. 39 00:01:55,750 --> 00:01:58,250 Clancy Wiggum is meeting his quota. 40 00:01:58,750 --> 00:02:00,166 Hey! That's illegal. 41 00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:01,792 MAN: Oh, sorry. You know what? 42 00:02:01,875 --> 00:02:03,250 Here. Have a quarter, Chief. 43 00:02:03,583 --> 00:02:06,041 You think you can bribe me with a...? Oh, my God! 44 00:02:06,125 --> 00:02:08,375 Those are the gentlest eyes I've ever seen. 45 00:02:08,458 --> 00:02:10,792 Linen shirt. Natural highlights. 46 00:02:10,875 --> 00:02:12,375 You want to hold my gun? 47 00:02:12,458 --> 00:02:14,000 Y-You can. 48 00:02:14,291 --> 00:02:16,125 Thanks. I was hoping maybe you could point me 49 00:02:16,208 --> 00:02:17,625 - to the church in town. - Church? 50 00:02:17,709 --> 00:02:19,959 Yeah, straight down this street. First steeple you see. 51 00:02:20,041 --> 00:02:22,875 That is not it. That's the Eiffel Tower strip club. 52 00:02:22,959 --> 00:02:24,875 They have a French onion soup that is, 53 00:02:24,959 --> 00:02:26,375 uh, well, it's just okay. 54 00:02:26,667 --> 00:02:29,625 And I guess 55 00:02:29,709 --> 00:02:31,208 that's about all. 56 00:02:31,667 --> 00:02:35,375 (crowd clamoring) 57 00:02:36,583 --> 00:02:38,583 You shall bore me no more! 58 00:02:38,667 --> 00:02:39,792 You're going the wrong way! 59 00:02:39,875 --> 00:02:42,083 No, I-I want to go this way. I love God. 60 00:02:42,166 --> 00:02:44,750 If you love him so much, why don't you marry him? 61 00:02:44,834 --> 00:02:46,625 Penny. Button. 62 00:02:46,709 --> 00:02:48,875 IOU for one penny. 63 00:02:48,959 --> 00:02:50,417 Hi. Bode Wright. 64 00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:52,417 Recovery meetings are downstairs. 65 00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:54,458 Booze to the right, huffers to the left. 66 00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:56,875 Sorry, I'm here about the ad. On Christslist? 67 00:02:56,959 --> 00:02:58,959 About you guys needing a-a youth pastor? 68 00:02:59,041 --> 00:03:00,458 I didn't place any ad. 69 00:03:00,542 --> 00:03:01,709 I placed the ad. 70 00:03:01,875 --> 00:03:02,959 PRIEST: Oh! 71 00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:06,208 - I'm Bode. - Bode. Nice cross. 72 00:03:06,291 --> 00:03:08,041 Tim's are chewed to nubs. 73 00:03:08,125 --> 00:03:10,875 I-I chew my crosses. Nervous habit. 74 00:03:10,959 --> 00:03:14,500 Do you have any experience, Bode? 75 00:03:14,583 --> 00:03:15,709 I used to work in Michigan. 76 00:03:15,792 --> 00:03:18,000 Had to use bottled holy water. (scoffs) 77 00:03:18,083 --> 00:03:19,959 Uh-huh. Education? 78 00:03:20,041 --> 00:03:21,667 I, uh, have a master's in divinity 79 00:03:21,750 --> 00:03:23,250 with a focus on biblical languages. 80 00:03:23,333 --> 00:03:25,208 - Greek, Hebrew... - You're hired. 81 00:03:25,291 --> 00:03:27,166 Up-bup-bup-bup-bup! It doesn't work that fast. 82 00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:30,667 We have I-9s and W-2s, collar fittings. 83 00:03:30,750 --> 00:03:33,333 And, besides, I'm the one in charge. 84 00:03:33,417 --> 00:03:36,000 In the end, isn't God in charge here? 85 00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:39,041 Do you see Jimmy Buffett at every Jimmy Buffett cafe? 86 00:03:39,125 --> 00:03:40,750 I don't think so. 87 00:03:40,875 --> 00:03:42,667 Hey, can I have this? Marge could use it 88 00:03:42,750 --> 00:03:44,542 to serve me snacks while I'm on the toilet. 89 00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,250 - Oh, just take it. - So, Bode, 90 00:03:46,333 --> 00:03:48,583 - do you have anywhere to stay? - Not yet. 91 00:03:48,667 --> 00:03:50,166 I saw a motel by the tire fire. 92 00:03:54,959 --> 00:03:57,208 - He'll stay with us. - No way. 93 00:03:57,291 --> 00:04:00,291 Uh, Reverend? The homeless are here for their foot washing. 94 00:04:00,375 --> 00:04:04,125 I'm looking for a mani-pedi and an eyebrow wax. 95 00:04:04,208 --> 00:04:06,959 I guess I could use a little help around here. 96 00:04:07,041 --> 00:04:08,709 Thank you. I won't let you down. 97 00:04:08,792 --> 00:04:10,583 We don't hug here. 98 00:04:11,458 --> 00:04:12,667 Mmm. 99 00:04:12,750 --> 00:04:15,667 Uh, I'm here for the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. 100 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:19,250 It's usually me, Lenny, Carl, Bumblebee Man, Kent Brockman. 101 00:04:19,333 --> 00:04:20,542 But don't tell anyone. 102 00:04:20,625 --> 00:04:21,875 Downstairs to the right. 103 00:04:21,959 --> 00:04:24,375 Also, Lunchlady Dora, King Toot, 104 00:04:24,458 --> 00:04:28,041 and a man I'll identify as Disco S. 105 00:04:28,125 --> 00:04:31,166 Disco S is quite a mess. 106 00:04:35,959 --> 00:04:37,083 Hmm. 107 00:04:37,166 --> 00:04:39,291 Oh, Marge, this is embarrassing. 108 00:04:39,375 --> 00:04:40,834 We don't need counseling. 109 00:04:40,959 --> 00:04:42,500 We do need counseling. 110 00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:44,166 I'm carrying a lot of anger. 111 00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:46,250 Just do what I do. Come home 112 00:04:46,333 --> 00:04:49,125 -and have a hot dinner waiting for you. -(grunts) 113 00:04:49,208 --> 00:04:50,375 Well, let me just say 114 00:04:50,583 --> 00:04:52,875 that I go into this with no preconceptions. 115 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:55,125 Now, tell me, how is this Homer's fault? 116 00:04:55,333 --> 00:04:58,542 -He sold our home without telling me. -(grunts) 117 00:04:58,625 --> 00:05:00,000 - (train horn blowing) - Helen, is he playing 118 00:05:00,083 --> 00:05:01,583 with my damn trains? 119 00:05:01,667 --> 00:05:04,875 Excuse me. There's trouble down at Lovejoy Junction. 120 00:05:04,959 --> 00:05:06,458 So, we're good? 121 00:05:06,542 --> 00:05:08,417 We're good if we get our house back. 122 00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:10,542 Did you say houseboat? 123 00:05:10,625 --> 00:05:12,917 House back. House back! 124 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:14,333 Oh. 125 00:05:22,250 --> 00:05:23,875 (coughing) 126 00:05:24,041 --> 00:05:26,041 Sorry, Reverend. I'm trying to get some rest? 127 00:05:26,125 --> 00:05:27,542 The 12:10 to Trenton doesn't stop 128 00:05:27,625 --> 00:05:30,500 just because your fat head's on the track. 129 00:05:35,667 --> 00:05:36,792 - What are you doing? - Nothing. 130 00:05:36,875 --> 00:05:38,208 - You gonna drop that? - Not doing a thing. 131 00:05:38,291 --> 00:05:39,625 As a gag, you're gonna drop a tiny log on my face? 132 00:05:39,709 --> 00:05:40,583 Nothing. 133 00:05:40,667 --> 00:05:41,750 As I'm sleeping? That's, that's-that's funny. 134 00:05:41,834 --> 00:05:43,041 - Nothing. Nothing. - Go ahead. Drop it. 135 00:05:43,125 --> 00:05:44,333 - Drop a tiny log on me. - Not doing a thing. 136 00:05:44,417 --> 00:05:45,709 Is that... Is that your plan? You're gonna drop that? 137 00:05:45,792 --> 00:05:47,750 Look, we're both grown men here. 138 00:05:47,834 --> 00:05:49,250 Now leave my choo choo alone. 139 00:05:49,333 --> 00:05:50,625 Gladly. 140 00:05:51,959 --> 00:05:52,875 Aah! 141 00:05:52,959 --> 00:05:55,208 Glad I finally got to use that. 142 00:05:55,667 --> 00:05:57,208 Now, my sleepy, young friend, 143 00:05:57,291 --> 00:06:00,583 I don't know how you did things back in "Michigan." 144 00:06:00,667 --> 00:06:03,083 Air quotes are for when something's not a real thing. 145 00:06:03,166 --> 00:06:05,834 But in my parish, we minister to our flock. 146 00:06:05,917 --> 00:06:07,917 And I'm not afraid to say the hard things 147 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,291 that need to be said. 148 00:06:09,458 --> 00:06:11,125 Aah, 27. 149 00:06:11,250 --> 00:06:12,750 - What? - What did he say? 150 00:06:12,834 --> 00:06:15,125 We can't hear you. 151 00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:18,625 "B" thr-three. (coughs) 152 00:06:18,709 --> 00:06:20,500 You know, I'd be happy to yell out numbers for you. 153 00:06:20,583 --> 00:06:21,750 Help save your voice. 154 00:06:21,834 --> 00:06:24,542 Bingo requires a firm, experienced caller. 155 00:06:24,709 --> 00:06:26,417 "G..." "G" 48 156 00:06:26,542 --> 00:06:28,917 "N" for... "N" 43. 157 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:30,500 I got nothing. 158 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,458 (coughs) 159 00:06:32,542 --> 00:06:33,959 I think I can handle it. 160 00:06:34,041 --> 00:06:35,417 When I was in seminary school, 161 00:06:35,500 --> 00:06:37,250 I was the shouty guy on our rowing team. 162 00:06:37,333 --> 00:06:39,750 We weren't allowed to say "coxswain." 163 00:06:39,834 --> 00:06:42,709 (clears throat) Bingo is not for newbies. 164 00:06:42,792 --> 00:06:45,333 The letters sound very similar. 165 00:06:45,458 --> 00:06:46,875 "B" 15. 166 00:06:46,959 --> 00:06:49,458 "B" as in Balthazar. 167 00:06:49,542 --> 00:06:51,458 Did he say Galthazar? 168 00:06:51,542 --> 00:06:53,166 Gingo! 169 00:06:53,250 --> 00:06:55,291 Gingo take you to bathroom. 170 00:06:55,375 --> 00:06:57,500 I don't want to go. 171 00:06:57,583 --> 00:07:00,583 Hey, this no picnic for Gingo either. 172 00:07:01,250 --> 00:07:02,375 Empty again. 173 00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:04,834 And those two just came here to make out. 174 00:07:05,333 --> 00:07:08,875 (both moaning) 175 00:07:09,208 --> 00:07:12,709 If we do it in a church, I, like, can't get pregnant. 176 00:07:12,792 --> 00:07:14,500 - (moaning) - (thud) 177 00:07:14,709 --> 00:07:17,792 Uh, good mor... (clears throat) Excuse me. 178 00:07:18,458 --> 00:07:22,875 (slurps, clears throat) 179 00:07:25,583 --> 00:07:27,208 Brothers and sisters, 180 00:07:27,291 --> 00:07:31,208 Reverend Lovejoy is experiencing some vocal difficulties. 181 00:07:31,583 --> 00:07:33,250 (clears throat) 182 00:07:33,417 --> 00:07:35,333 Save your voice, Reverend. 183 00:07:35,417 --> 00:07:37,417 Now, we could cancel church. 184 00:07:37,542 --> 00:07:38,709 (indistinct chatter) 185 00:07:43,083 --> 00:07:45,834 But God clearly foresaw this 186 00:07:45,917 --> 00:07:47,750 and sent us a backup pastor 187 00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:49,166 to finish the service. 188 00:07:49,458 --> 00:07:50,625 (all clamor) 189 00:07:50,834 --> 00:07:53,083 Church will not be canceled. 190 00:07:53,417 --> 00:07:55,458 (all shouting together) 191 00:07:55,750 --> 00:07:57,667 Now please help me welcome 192 00:07:57,750 --> 00:08:00,500 our new youth minister Bode Wright. 193 00:08:00,583 --> 00:08:01,583 Huh? 194 00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:05,083 Thanks. That's very meek. Jesus would've loved it. 195 00:08:05,166 --> 00:08:06,875 I was thinking, while the reverend rests his voice, 196 00:08:06,959 --> 00:08:08,458 maybe we could all sing a song. 197 00:08:08,542 --> 00:08:10,875 Uh, Rev, if that's okay with you, um, cough once. 198 00:08:12,041 --> 00:08:13,792 We did not establish what two coughs means, 199 00:08:13,875 --> 00:08:15,208 so I'll take that to mean two yeses. 200 00:08:17,333 --> 00:08:18,709 Why don't we sing, I don't know, 201 00:08:18,792 --> 00:08:20,208 "Amazing Grace"? You all know that one. 202 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:21,834 Or if you don't, it's in your hymnal under 203 00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:25,000 "grace, comma, amazing." 204 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:32,500 ♪ Amazing grace, How sweet the sound ♪ 205 00:08:33,375 --> 00:08:36,166 ♪ That saved a wretch like me ♪ 206 00:08:36,875 --> 00:08:39,458 ♪ I once was lost, but now I am found ♪ 207 00:08:39,917 --> 00:08:42,875 ♪ Was blind, but now I see ♪ 208 00:08:43,375 --> 00:08:45,917 This is the most exciting thing that ever happened 209 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,542 in a white church! 210 00:08:47,625 --> 00:08:49,917 All these years of mediocre grace. 211 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,500 Finally, it's amazing. 212 00:08:52,583 --> 00:08:54,375 This must've been what it was like 213 00:08:54,458 --> 00:08:56,041 at Jesus's concerts. 214 00:08:56,917 --> 00:08:59,542 (music playing) 215 00:09:00,166 --> 00:09:02,166 Thank you. Now we'd, uh, 216 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,125 we'd like to do a couple of new psalms. 217 00:09:04,208 --> 00:09:05,875 (crowd booing) 218 00:09:06,333 --> 00:09:09,917 - ♪ CROWD: Hallelujah, Hallelu ♪ - ♪ Hallelujah ♪ 219 00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:13,750 - ♪ CROWD: Hallelujah, Hallelu ♪ - ♪ Hallelujah ♪ 220 00:09:16,333 --> 00:09:17,792 Something exciting's 221 00:09:17,875 --> 00:09:19,750 happening at the church. 222 00:09:19,834 --> 00:09:21,500 Let's check it out. 223 00:09:23,667 --> 00:09:26,417 All right, I think we get it. Grace, it's amazing. 224 00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:28,792 I know most of you usually save your "hallelujahs" 225 00:09:28,875 --> 00:09:29,875 for when church is over. 226 00:09:29,959 --> 00:09:32,417 I adore the informality. 227 00:09:32,583 --> 00:09:34,500 But if it's okay, I thought maybe I could just speak 228 00:09:34,583 --> 00:09:36,000 to you guys straight from my heart. 229 00:09:36,083 --> 00:09:37,041 I don't have anything planned, 230 00:09:37,125 --> 00:09:38,792 but I guess I should talk about God, right? 231 00:09:38,875 --> 00:09:40,125 Church. Pastor. 232 00:09:40,208 --> 00:09:41,792 Makes sense I should talk about God. 233 00:09:41,959 --> 00:09:43,417 But the truth is, I woke up this morning 234 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,667 and I wasn't really sure if I believed in God. 235 00:09:45,792 --> 00:09:46,625 (all gasp) 236 00:09:46,709 --> 00:09:47,959 No God? 237 00:09:48,041 --> 00:09:49,291 Fingers in your ears, boys. 238 00:09:49,375 --> 00:09:50,875 Till you can feel the brain. 239 00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:52,500 It's okay. Everything's fine. 240 00:09:52,583 --> 00:09:53,792 I-I just woke up with some doubt. 241 00:09:53,875 --> 00:09:55,709 Like many of you did, too, I'm sure. 242 00:09:55,792 --> 00:09:57,333 There's so much pain and suffering in the world, 243 00:09:57,417 --> 00:09:59,458 I wasn't sure anyone was really out there. 244 00:09:59,542 --> 00:10:01,125 Watching us. On a cloud. 245 00:10:01,208 --> 00:10:02,625 That's how we think of God, right? 246 00:10:02,709 --> 00:10:04,792 To many of us, God is just an angry, old miser 247 00:10:04,875 --> 00:10:06,291 with a killer surveillance system. 248 00:10:07,959 --> 00:10:09,792 Everyone picks on the miser. 249 00:10:09,875 --> 00:10:10,917 Shave faster or no tip! 250 00:10:10,959 --> 00:10:14,250 Oh, I shave-a faster, all right. 251 00:10:14,333 --> 00:10:16,417 Hurry up. I'm going to a funeral. 252 00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:20,041 Oh, you're going to a funeral, all right. 253 00:10:20,125 --> 00:10:22,166 Oh, this is taking too long. 254 00:10:22,250 --> 00:10:25,125 I got to stop procrastinating. 255 00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,083 Then I got quiet and thought about it. 256 00:10:27,166 --> 00:10:29,208 It hit me that maybe God isn't up there, you know. 257 00:10:29,291 --> 00:10:30,583 "Somewhere else." 258 00:10:30,667 --> 00:10:32,208 Maybe God's right here and now. 259 00:10:32,291 --> 00:10:33,875 As close as the air on your skin. 260 00:10:33,959 --> 00:10:36,250 For the first time ever, I don't feel alone. 261 00:10:36,333 --> 00:10:37,834 Life is worth living. 262 00:10:37,917 --> 00:10:40,000 Hey, forget that hit I called on myself, huh? 263 00:10:40,083 --> 00:10:42,000 Yeah, well, I said too late. 264 00:10:42,083 --> 00:10:44,208 Can't you just charge me a stalking fee? 265 00:10:44,291 --> 00:10:45,750 Okay, 40%. 266 00:10:45,834 --> 00:10:48,000 And you can only cancel on the app. 267 00:10:48,083 --> 00:10:49,875 All right, I-I'll just, uh... 268 00:10:49,959 --> 00:10:51,083 My screen is frozen! 269 00:10:52,875 --> 00:10:54,875 Maybe God is just a word for a love 270 00:10:54,959 --> 00:10:56,875 that we create and remember together. 271 00:10:56,959 --> 00:10:59,208 A love that isn't mad at us for our doubt 272 00:10:59,291 --> 00:11:01,959 or angry at us because we're alcoholics. 273 00:11:02,291 --> 00:11:03,500 Hmm. 274 00:11:03,625 --> 00:11:07,542 Finally, recognized for my accomplishments. 275 00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:10,083 I think so many of us have made a God that's like us, 276 00:11:10,166 --> 00:11:11,417 instead of the other way around. 277 00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:12,917 God loves diversity. 278 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,500 God didn't just make one type of flower. 279 00:11:14,583 --> 00:11:16,875 He made thousands of different flowers... 280 00:11:16,959 --> 00:11:18,542 Roses, lilies, orchids... 281 00:11:18,625 --> 00:11:20,083 And He made the weeds, too. 282 00:11:20,166 --> 00:11:22,333 But He loves all of them indiscriminately. 283 00:11:22,417 --> 00:11:23,542 Just like the bees. 284 00:11:23,625 --> 00:11:26,959 You have made this bumblebee a humble bee. 285 00:11:27,041 --> 00:11:29,625 Jesus said, "Let the weeds grow with the wheat." 286 00:11:29,709 --> 00:11:31,208 That means it's all in the game. 287 00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:32,458 Go easy on yourself. 288 00:11:32,542 --> 00:11:34,291 You don't have to earn God's love. 289 00:11:34,375 --> 00:11:35,959 You are God's love. 290 00:11:36,041 --> 00:11:37,375 All right, that's it. 291 00:11:37,458 --> 00:11:39,000 I know it's early, but it's a beautiful day. 292 00:11:39,083 --> 00:11:40,417 Let's get out of here. 293 00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,333 Sorry, concert's over, dude. 294 00:11:42,417 --> 00:11:44,417 All that's left is the merch. 295 00:11:44,500 --> 00:11:47,417 Bode! Bode! Bode! 296 00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:50,458 - ALL: Bode! Bode! Bode! - (grunts) 297 00:11:50,542 --> 00:11:52,125 Three cheers for Reverend Lovejoy. 298 00:11:52,208 --> 00:11:53,667 Stupid Flanders. 299 00:11:53,750 --> 00:11:55,500 ALL: Stupid Flanders! 300 00:11:55,583 --> 00:11:57,291 Stupid Flanders! 301 00:11:57,375 --> 00:11:59,250 I love church. 302 00:11:59,333 --> 00:12:01,208 I won't be single in Heaven. 303 00:12:03,709 --> 00:12:05,417 This was the best church ever. 304 00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:08,834 It was like some kind of religious experience. 305 00:12:08,917 --> 00:12:10,333 Will you join us for pancakes? 306 00:12:10,834 --> 00:12:12,000 Are those new vestments? 307 00:12:12,083 --> 00:12:13,625 They really bring out the piety. 308 00:12:13,709 --> 00:12:15,458 You don't have to patronize me, Ned. 309 00:12:15,542 --> 00:12:17,291 You're, y-you're right, I'm sorry. 310 00:12:17,375 --> 00:12:19,208 Y-You did not do well today. 311 00:12:19,291 --> 00:12:21,417 Oh, go back to patronizing. 312 00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:23,542 Maybe something about my shoes? 313 00:12:23,625 --> 00:12:27,542 Oh, look at those shoes, tied so tight with loops so even. 314 00:12:27,625 --> 00:12:30,125 Someone knows the bunny ear technique. 315 00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:31,375 Helen tied them. 316 00:12:33,291 --> 00:12:35,000 Uh, Pastor, would you like to say grace? 317 00:12:35,125 --> 00:12:36,834 (clears throat) Lord... 318 00:12:36,917 --> 00:12:38,542 Oh, sorry, I should have been more specific. 319 00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:40,959 I meant the cool new pastor everyone likes. 320 00:12:41,041 --> 00:12:43,041 You can sit down. 321 00:12:43,125 --> 00:12:44,375 You know, I think the food is good 322 00:12:44,458 --> 00:12:45,458 without me saying it's good. 323 00:12:45,542 --> 00:12:46,875 God made it good. 324 00:12:46,959 --> 00:12:49,000 Don't get me wrong, it's nice to be thankful, but 325 00:12:49,083 --> 00:12:50,709 there's no need to make everyone uncomfortable 326 00:12:50,792 --> 00:12:52,875 by praying in front of 'em, am I right? 327 00:12:52,959 --> 00:12:56,041 Nice speech, although longer than grace. 328 00:12:56,125 --> 00:12:57,959 Oh, no bacon for me. 329 00:12:58,083 --> 00:12:59,625 I'm a vegetarian. 330 00:12:59,917 --> 00:13:02,166 And, actually, a Buddhist. 331 00:13:02,250 --> 00:13:03,500 Great. I love Buddha. 332 00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:04,667 That's where I got my name. 333 00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:05,875 The Bodhi Tree. 334 00:13:05,959 --> 00:13:06,917 And I don't eat meat either. 335 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,333 You're a vegetarian? 336 00:13:08,417 --> 00:13:10,208 - What about evolution? - Into it. 337 00:13:10,291 --> 00:13:11,709 - Gay rights? - Love is love. 338 00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:13,250 - Dizzy or Bird? - John Coltrane 339 00:13:13,333 --> 00:13:15,458 and Duke Ellington, 1962. 340 00:13:15,542 --> 00:13:17,542 (gasps) The only way to describe how perfect 341 00:13:17,625 --> 00:13:20,458 that jazz answer is, is with jazz. 342 00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:30,667 This brunch has turned into... 343 00:13:30,750 --> 00:13:32,792 a jazz brunch! 344 00:13:33,458 --> 00:13:34,750 I'm a believer. 345 00:13:34,834 --> 00:13:36,583 That's great, Lisa, but I actually don't think 346 00:13:36,667 --> 00:13:38,542 faith comes down to what we believe. 347 00:13:38,625 --> 00:13:40,709 Well, you got to believe in this baloney. 348 00:13:40,792 --> 00:13:42,375 That's how you get into Heaven. 349 00:13:42,458 --> 00:13:44,500 Where maybe, just maybe, I could see 350 00:13:44,583 --> 00:13:46,667 the mother that abandoned me again. 351 00:13:48,542 --> 00:13:50,750 Yeah, sure, but I think together 352 00:13:50,834 --> 00:13:53,375 we can bring Heaven here while we're still alive. 353 00:13:53,458 --> 00:13:55,583 There's a Chinese proverb about Heaven and Hell. 354 00:13:55,667 --> 00:13:58,208 They say Hell is a long table like this, full of food, 355 00:13:58,291 --> 00:14:01,375 but everybody's starving because they have these long chopsticks, 356 00:14:01,458 --> 00:14:03,917 like pool cues, and they can't bring the food to their mouths. 357 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,583 This is the worst Year of the Ox ever. 358 00:14:06,667 --> 00:14:09,917 BODE: But in the proverb, Heaven is the exact same table, same food, 359 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,709 same long chopsticks, but everybody's happy and fat 360 00:14:12,792 --> 00:14:14,375 because they're feeding each other. 361 00:14:14,458 --> 00:14:15,959 ALL: Aw! 362 00:14:16,041 --> 00:14:18,959 Wait, wait! I can be cool, too... with humor. 363 00:14:19,041 --> 00:14:20,834 Did you hear the one about the Greek-Jewish wedding? 364 00:14:20,917 --> 00:14:22,792 They didn't know whether to break the plates 365 00:14:22,875 --> 00:14:23,834 or the glasses! 366 00:14:24,083 --> 00:14:25,542 (all booing) 367 00:14:25,625 --> 00:14:28,041 Yes, why don't you take your cultural insensitivity 368 00:14:28,125 --> 00:14:31,125 back to the Spanish Inquisition you came from? 369 00:14:31,208 --> 00:14:32,417 I've lost them. 370 00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:33,917 You never had us. 371 00:14:38,333 --> 00:14:41,000 Timothy, the church council wants to thank you 372 00:14:41,083 --> 00:14:43,250 for your many years of... 373 00:14:43,333 --> 00:14:45,250 - Incompetence! - Ah! 374 00:14:45,458 --> 00:14:46,750 Knock his frock off. 375 00:14:46,834 --> 00:14:48,917 We like the new guy in his tight jeans. 376 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,417 Do not resuscitate your career. 377 00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:53,417 What are you saying? You're firing me? 378 00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:56,083 - Gingo. - Please surrender your cross. 379 00:14:56,166 --> 00:14:57,500 We don't want any trouble. 380 00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:01,875 Timothy. 381 00:15:05,250 --> 00:15:06,834 Now the collar. 382 00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:12,208 And any water you turned into holy water 383 00:15:12,291 --> 00:15:14,458 is once again regular water. 384 00:15:14,542 --> 00:15:16,041 Nothing but tap. 385 00:15:23,875 --> 00:15:27,291 Did you know Bode has 22,000 YouTube subscribers? 386 00:15:27,375 --> 00:15:28,875 Our church could go viral. 387 00:15:28,959 --> 00:15:31,291 Ugh. Close window. 388 00:15:31,375 --> 00:15:33,625 - You just subscribed. - What? No. 389 00:15:33,709 --> 00:15:35,000 Now you gave him a thumbs-up. 390 00:15:35,083 --> 00:15:36,291 Stop telling me what I just did. 391 00:15:36,375 --> 00:15:38,542 You just gave him an eggplant emoji. 392 00:15:38,625 --> 00:15:40,625 Well, at least that can't be misconstrued. 393 00:15:40,709 --> 00:15:42,125 Wait a minute. 394 00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:44,542 The Internet can help me. Help me find something on him. 395 00:15:44,625 --> 00:15:46,166 He's clean on Google. 396 00:15:46,250 --> 00:15:47,667 I'll have to try Bing. 397 00:15:48,625 --> 00:15:50,375 Sorry, I was asleep. 398 00:15:50,458 --> 00:15:52,667 Do you really want to use us? 399 00:15:52,750 --> 00:15:54,166 Yes. 400 00:15:54,458 --> 00:15:56,166 Hmm. Nothing. 401 00:15:56,250 --> 00:15:57,750 But I'm not licked. 402 00:15:57,834 --> 00:15:59,500 Pack your bags, Helen. 403 00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:01,375 We are going to Michigan. 404 00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:07,375 Reverend? We're here for a little counseling? 405 00:16:07,458 --> 00:16:08,875 Well, I'd be happy to. 406 00:16:08,959 --> 00:16:10,917 But you're already with the best counselor there is. 407 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,458 - Your partner. - Wait. 408 00:16:12,542 --> 00:16:13,583 But Marge always told me 409 00:16:13,667 --> 00:16:15,500 communication is bad for a marriage. 410 00:16:15,583 --> 00:16:17,166 I said it was good. 411 00:16:17,250 --> 00:16:18,583 You said what was good? 412 00:16:18,667 --> 00:16:19,875 You just have to know what it's like 413 00:16:19,959 --> 00:16:21,333 to be in each other's shoes. 414 00:16:21,417 --> 00:16:23,166 Literally. Put on each other's shoes. 415 00:16:23,250 --> 00:16:24,250 Right now. 416 00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:29,333 HOMER: All right. They... (grunts) 417 00:16:29,959 --> 00:16:32,041 Ooh! Your shoes are so tight. 418 00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:33,875 And you do so much work. 419 00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:35,291 You're an angel. 420 00:16:35,375 --> 00:16:37,208 And your shoes are so heavy. 421 00:16:37,291 --> 00:16:39,875 I never realized you carried around so much. 422 00:16:39,959 --> 00:16:43,208 I'm starting to see the man I fell in love with again. 423 00:16:43,291 --> 00:16:44,542 Where? Where? I'll kill him! 424 00:16:44,625 --> 00:16:46,375 - You. - Oh. 425 00:16:46,458 --> 00:16:48,875 I must admit, this is amazing. 426 00:16:48,959 --> 00:16:51,375 But what about the fact that he sold our house? 427 00:16:51,458 --> 00:16:53,542 - Um, may I interject? - Sure. 428 00:16:53,625 --> 00:16:56,375 I've seen your house. It'll never pass inspection. 429 00:16:56,458 --> 00:16:58,375 - Are you sure? - Piece of crap. 430 00:16:58,458 --> 00:17:01,625 Thank you, Reverend. Mmm, mmm. 431 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,750 Lisa. What brings you here? 432 00:17:10,834 --> 00:17:13,041 Well, I thought it might be fun if we meditate together. 433 00:17:13,125 --> 00:17:15,750 Sure. Make yourself at om. 434 00:17:15,834 --> 00:17:19,917 Wow! As meditation jokes go... 435 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,250 That's the only meditation joke I've ever heard. 436 00:17:24,208 --> 00:17:26,875 Alexa, play Meditation Jam. 437 00:17:30,458 --> 00:17:32,792 You know, science calls it consciousness, 438 00:17:32,875 --> 00:17:35,417 the mystics call it a soul, but both are just words, 439 00:17:35,500 --> 00:17:37,250 just labels, for whatever it is 440 00:17:37,333 --> 00:17:39,583 that's looking out your eyes right now. 441 00:17:40,333 --> 00:17:41,834 Breathe, Lisa. 442 00:17:45,291 --> 00:17:47,792 (music playing) 443 00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:21,667 (music continues) 444 00:18:27,250 --> 00:18:28,792 Saw the button, huh? 445 00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,834 (gasps) I did. 446 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:33,875 HELEN: Tim, 447 00:18:33,959 --> 00:18:35,750 we could go to Mackinac Island. 448 00:18:35,834 --> 00:18:38,208 They have the longest hotel porch in the world. 449 00:18:38,291 --> 00:18:41,125 It's always the big verandas with you, isn't it, Helen? 450 00:18:41,208 --> 00:18:42,750 You've done something to this town 451 00:18:42,834 --> 00:18:44,417 I never thought could happen. 452 00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:46,625 A full-blown religious revival. 453 00:18:48,959 --> 00:18:51,333 Yeah, let these warm your insides 454 00:18:51,417 --> 00:18:54,834 as the words of St. Paul warm your soul, there. 455 00:18:54,917 --> 00:18:56,834 (clears throat) "Dear Ephesians..." 456 00:18:56,917 --> 00:18:59,250 And I'm, of course, paraphrasing here... 457 00:18:59,333 --> 00:19:02,875 "Believe in Christ or I'll hit your head with a baseball bat." 458 00:19:02,959 --> 00:19:04,083 I'll frickin' do it. 459 00:19:04,166 --> 00:19:05,583 ALL: Amen. 460 00:19:05,667 --> 00:19:07,834 Hey, I'm-I'm not trying to change any minds. 461 00:19:07,917 --> 00:19:10,291 I'm just trying to start a conversation. 462 00:19:10,375 --> 00:19:13,125 We need that. This town's like a snow globe. 463 00:19:13,208 --> 00:19:17,458 It doesn't look like much till you shake it up a little. Uh-huh! 464 00:19:17,542 --> 00:19:20,625 I want redemption or else, dude. 465 00:19:20,709 --> 00:19:22,041 Or else what? 466 00:19:22,125 --> 00:19:24,041 Or Rabbi Mankiewicz will, dude. 467 00:19:24,125 --> 00:19:26,542 And I have trouble making that "cch" sound. 468 00:19:26,625 --> 00:19:29,083 It's either Chanukah or Hanukkah. 469 00:19:29,166 --> 00:19:30,792 Okay? Pick one of those. 470 00:19:30,959 --> 00:19:32,083 (sighs) 471 00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:40,291 Teach a man to microfiche, 472 00:19:40,375 --> 00:19:43,125 and you'll feed him dirt for a lifetime. 473 00:19:43,208 --> 00:19:46,917 Vengeance is mine, sayeth the me. 474 00:19:49,250 --> 00:19:51,792 We really should've digitized that stuff. 475 00:19:55,250 --> 00:19:58,417 Oh, I hope part two is about my rescue. 476 00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:12,792 Next week on Warrin' Priests Part Two... 477 00:20:12,875 --> 00:20:14,667 I hear there's a little dirt 478 00:20:14,750 --> 00:20:17,083 on the collar of a man who used to preach here, 479 00:20:17,166 --> 00:20:18,917 Bode Wright. 480 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:22,667 You, sir, have challenged me on scripture. 481 00:20:23,709 --> 00:20:26,000 Oh, well, if it's scripture you want to talk, 482 00:20:26,083 --> 00:20:27,834 then let us make a joyful noise 483 00:20:27,917 --> 00:20:29,917 - unto the Lord. - Good. 484 00:20:30,208 --> 00:20:32,625 Yarr, activism means nothing 485 00:20:32,709 --> 00:20:35,166 if it's not intersectional. Yarr! 486 00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:38,041 Next week on The Simpsons. 487 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,542 (theme music playing) 488 00:21:18,458 --> 00:21:20,583 - (murmuring) - Shh!