1 00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:06,297 《辛普森家庭》 2 00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:11,553 不 3 00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:20,854 {\an8}星系裡終於沒有巨魔了 4 00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:37,495 {\an8}你的肌肉英雄主義統治時期 到此為止,費梭朗 5 00:00:44,836 --> 00:00:50,341 {\an8}展翅高飛吧,我的黃金寶馬 今天我們命不該絕 6 00:00:58,933 --> 00:01:03,772 {\an8}下一站是水煙筒系五號星球 潮濕悶熱的叢林 7 00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:04,898 {\an8}(春田小學) 8 00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:09,277 {\an8}老兄,你不該讓他吃完 一整盤迷幻藥布朗尼 9 00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:14,491 {\an8}我倒不覺得,我以為這樣很酷 而且我說得對 10 00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:16,618 {\an8}(緊急家長會會議) (公車議題,非種族歧視) 11 00:01:16,618 --> 00:01:22,040 {\an8}由於奧圖和公車 還有布朗尼烤盤一起消失 12 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:25,418 {\an8}家長必須親自載小孩上學 13 00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:28,171 {\an8}拜託,你開玩笑嗎? 14 00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:30,298 {\an8}如果你們坐下來討論共乘時間表 15 00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:33,051 {\an8}就不會有太多人需要親送 16 00:01:35,136 --> 00:01:36,137 {\an8}我要殺了你 17 00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:40,225 {\an8}不然你們的小孩可以走來學校 你們什麼事都不用做 18 00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:42,060 {\an8}- 天啊 - 我喜歡這點子 19 00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:43,269 {\an8}那就用走的吧 20 00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:47,232 {\an8}不過我們偉大的導護團隊 21 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,150 {\an8}還需要一名家長志工 22 00:01:50,568 --> 00:01:53,404 我們只需要一名積極參與的家長 23 00:01:53,404 --> 00:01:55,240 我沒時間幫忙 24 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:59,661 當然,算我一份,我等這個等一輩子了 25 00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:01,371 荷馬辛普森,太好了 26 00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:03,206 他說什麼? 27 00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:05,917 我在看《鬼馬校園》重開機版的預告片 28 00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:08,169 約翰希南要演伯格 29 00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:11,589 荷馬,你自願當志工 30 00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:12,966 老天 31 00:02:13,883 --> 00:02:15,677 不,停,讓開 32 00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:19,097 他已經熟悉導護的行話 這傢伙天生就是這塊料 33 00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:22,725 現在我得在天殺的破曉時分起床 34 00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:26,271 引導死屁孩過該死的街道 35 00:02:27,063 --> 00:02:28,773 千萬別生小孩,藍尼 36 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:33,027 你不需要擔憂,我天生就沒有... 37 00:02:33,027 --> 00:02:34,112 (危險) 38 00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:37,657 什麼...7G進入藍色警戒 重複一遍,藍色警戒 39 00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:43,621 隨便啦,你有注意到 自動販賣機有賣蘋果嗎? 40 00:02:44,455 --> 00:02:46,166 誰會買啊? 41 00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:49,794 冷卻劑量提升一倍,快點 42 00:02:49,794 --> 00:02:50,879 交給我 43 00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:52,463 備用幫浦準備就緒 44 00:02:52,463 --> 00:02:54,841 卡爾森,把蒸氣閥減壓60 45 00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:56,134 雷諾德,看好控制桿 46 00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:58,678 你,眼鏡仔,為大家的靈魂祈禱 47 00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:01,014 聽我指令,換發電機 48 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,849 五、四 49 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,392 (「安全控制臺」) 50 00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:05,810 (真的安全控制臺) 51 00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:06,895 三、二 52 00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,189 執行 53 00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:11,608 (危險) (已避開危險) 54 00:03:14,235 --> 00:03:16,613 - 我們成功了 - 萬歲,好耶 55 00:03:18,072 --> 00:03:21,784 各位,我才是核電廠安全人員吧? 56 00:03:21,784 --> 00:03:25,580 應該是我的控制臺要嗶嗶叫才對吧? 57 00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:28,666 - 對啦... - 是這樣... 58 00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:32,212 我們把控制臺的掌控權轉移到我這裡 59 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:36,966 我們只是想要減輕你的工作量,兄弟 因為你已經貢獻許多 60 00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:38,760 就像大學男籃錦標賽的分組結果預測活動 61 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:42,764 你也積極執行了週三牛仔短褲日 62 00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:48,019 你們的意思是我從來沒保護過任何人? 63 00:03:48,019 --> 00:03:51,648 你當然有,荷馬,只是你不需要真的出力 64 00:03:58,279 --> 00:04:00,406 我的控制臺根本沒接電 65 00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:05,328 我把控制臺拆開,裡面全都是清潔用具 和賣不出去的伯恩斯先生大頭公仔 66 00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:11,167 我一直以為自己很重要,但我微不足道 從來都不重要 67 00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:16,506 你對我來說很重要,週三夜更是如此 68 00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:19,926 對喔,例行房事 69 00:04:21,552 --> 00:04:23,263 好,來吧 70 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,516 等我一下 71 00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:28,851 快點,先...快好了 72 00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:35,400 親愛的,你的光劍似乎不打算打開 73 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,278 你剛剛有「汗手揉」嗎? 74 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,322 看來我到哪都毫無用處 75 00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:45,702 我明天要窩在床上 吸我的床頭櫃番茄醬包 76 00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:51,582 其實呢,你明早六點必須起床去站導護 77 00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:55,586 - 你們覺得奧圖怎麼了? - 坐牢 78 00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:56,754 - 坐牢 - 坐牢 79 00:04:56,754 --> 00:05:00,925 說不定他只是厭倦要一再逃離黑暗勢力 80 00:05:01,926 --> 00:05:05,805 天啊,是老爸,拜託別讓他丟了我們的臉 81 00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:11,019 看看是誰啊,該來協助小鬼頭們過馬路了 82 00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:13,479 (停) 83 00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:15,565 煩耶 84 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:19,986 給我放尊重點,小混蛋 85 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,197 白癡小孩 86 00:05:23,197 --> 00:05:27,660 如果沒有我 他們就會一輩子被困在馬路的一邊 87 00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:31,622 你的八角形標語牌在我這 88 00:05:31,622 --> 00:05:34,834 喂,還給我,我得用來指示車子,停下來 89 00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:36,753 不,你才停下來 90 00:05:38,087 --> 00:05:39,422 該死 91 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,345 我「街客」我驕傲 92 00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:50,016 慘了,匿名戒酒會開會要遲到了 93 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:51,642 (醜八怪奶奶) (廉價龍舌蘭) 94 00:05:51,642 --> 00:05:53,478 妳好啊,美女 95 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:04,781 我剛剛出現了人生跑馬燈 96 00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:09,202 做得好,荷馬 你拯救了這個禿頭小弟的小命 97 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,704 - 不錯喔,荷馬 - 你真棒,爸 98 00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:13,915 讓報社拍張照吧?辛先生 99 00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:15,333 (媒體) 100 00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:17,293 我救人了 101 00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:20,630 聽到沒?全世界,荷馬辛普森很重要 102 00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:22,382 不,等等,不要 103 00:06:23,007 --> 00:06:25,134 對喔,那這樣好嗎? 104 00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:34,268 地球上最後兩隻瀕危的熊貓今日過世 105 00:06:34,268 --> 00:06:36,896 動物園調查員指稱 這是駭人聽聞的殺人後自殺命案 106 00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:37,980 (春田動物園) 107 00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:39,399 {\an8}(大熊貓) (西元前1900萬年至西元2023年) 108 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,317 {\an8}再會,熊貓,我們有緣再見 109 00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:43,736 今晚的恐怖睡前閱讀 110 00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:48,324 將以我稱為「心靈雞湯新聞」的 正向環節作結 111 00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:52,078 小鎮導護人員 112 00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:55,832 大部分美國人都認為這份工作 既討厭又毫無意義 113 00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:58,960 {\an8}直到上週,地方英雄荷馬辛普森 114 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,546 {\an8}冒著生命危險救了一個愚蠢小男孩 115 00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:02,922 {\an8}(畫面來源:金寶瓊斯) 116 00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:06,592 {\an8}現在辛普森已經搖身一變,成了路邊名人 117 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:10,012 {\an8}春田居民該怎麼表達 他們對當地導護人員的 118 00:07:10,012 --> 00:07:11,681 {\an8}愛與感激之情呢? 119 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:14,350 {\an8}不知道耶,我們應該需要一些新設備 120 00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:16,436 {\an8}這種草皮涼椅不太舒服 121 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:19,522 老舊飾帶的支撐力也很差 122 00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:23,401 但你知道嗎?肯特 保護孩童的安全本身就很有成就感 123 00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:26,362 上帝保佑那個圓滾滾的聖人 124 00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:30,867 不能再拖了 我要給春田導護人員真正的預算 125 00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,869 這不是為了自私的政治因素 126 00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:36,956 而是因為我是個有原則的人 我想造福全世界 127 00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:40,001 喬瑟夫,換你下性愛西洋棋了 128 00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:42,587 少了國王我們沒辦法玩 129 00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:44,589 但主教也許能試試看 130 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:52,138 (謝謝英雄們) 131 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:53,848 天啊,看看這件橘色背心 132 00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:57,727 還沒完呢,現在你們能領全職薪水 133 00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,979 驚天動地嚇嚇叫 134 00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:04,442 我剛拿到了西洋棋主題性愛狂歡派對 計時員的工作,現在又有另一份薪水 135 00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:07,195 荷馬,這全都多虧了你的英勇之舉 136 00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:10,323 我要提名你為導護隊長 137 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:13,409 (隊長) 138 00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:19,040 看看我身穿制服的帥老公 139 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,625 這不好說,荷馬 140 00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:23,544 只有想要打壓無名小卒且渴望權力的蠢蛋 141 00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:25,671 才會想要戴徽章 142 00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:28,799 你在講那個超市警衛嗎? 143 00:08:28,799 --> 00:08:31,135 我並沒有要打破口香糖機 144 00:08:31,135 --> 00:08:33,221 只是想要把紫色的搖出來 145 00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:34,847 我以你為榮,爸 146 00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:38,851 自願服務社群是史上最崇高的使命 147 00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,144 妳知道怎樣更好嗎? 148 00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:43,856 自願服務還有錢拿,我們現在有薪水 149 00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:46,234 我甚至有預算再請十位導護人員 150 00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:49,153 我只會聘用最聰明的佼佼者 151 00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:50,738 聽好了,菜鳥 152 00:08:50,738 --> 00:08:53,616 不是所有人都能通過訓練 153 00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:56,953 看向左邊,看向右邊 154 00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:59,163 這樣才知道有沒有車子開過來 155 00:08:59,163 --> 00:09:00,706 訓練到此結束 156 00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:05,711 荷馬,我真的很感謝 你救了我兒子拉菲的命 157 00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:08,631 沒問題,局長,我只是善盡本分 158 00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:12,843 如果需要幫你丟掉違停罰單 或把某個人的DNA留在某處 159 00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:14,428 跟我說一聲就好 160 00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:20,518 隊長,他沒有經過你同意 就通過七條斑馬線 161 00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:24,146 導護人員斯圖覺得他看不起你 162 00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:26,732 趕著去哪啊?老弟 163 00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,193 你知道你過馬路違了多少規嗎?先生 164 00:09:29,193 --> 00:09:31,195 我不知道你是什麼意思 165 00:09:31,195 --> 00:09:32,488 少頂嘴,聰明鬼 166 00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:34,407 我要請你離開馬路 167 00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,200 把雙腳放在我看得到的地方 168 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,035 連我自己都看不到 169 00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:39,287 先生,冷靜點 170 00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:41,872 聽著,我可以放你走,這次只是警告 171 00:09:41,872 --> 00:09:44,875 但別忘了,這些路可是我的地盤 172 00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:47,211 我...什麼...才怪...是我的才對 173 00:09:47,211 --> 00:09:49,964 路緣之間的部分由我管,懂了沒? 174 00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:51,799 這墨鏡真讚 175 00:09:51,799 --> 00:09:55,219 我要留下來用,除非你有意見 176 00:09:55,219 --> 00:09:59,724 好,完全沒意見,「過路官」 祝你有個美好的一天 177 00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:04,478 白癡導護人員以為穿著酷炫橘色背心 就很了不起 178 00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:09,275 荷馬J辛普森隊長再度確保路邊安全 179 00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:10,359 小弟們 180 00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,116 (奧過街根酒吧) (嗨翻之王音樂用品店) 181 00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:18,534 (達夫) 182 00:10:20,661 --> 00:10:23,539 這是你要的啤酒壺,尖聲哥 183 00:10:23,539 --> 00:10:26,042 你要叫我提恩先生,菜鳥 184 00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,210 這些新人真沒禮貌 185 00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:31,297 和我們三週前剛開始時差好多 186 00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,090 荷馬,我一直在找你 187 00:10:33,090 --> 00:10:37,053 {\an8}站住,斯金納 只有導護人員能進這間酒吧 188 00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:39,805 {\an8}我甚至不再讓藍尼和卡爾進來 189 00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:40,931 (塔布斯隊加油) 190 00:10:40,931 --> 00:10:42,975 好,但你有看我留的緊急備忘錄嗎? 191 00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:46,270 明天要辦科學展和烘焙義賣 還要拍團體照 192 00:10:46,270 --> 00:10:48,814 早上接送孩童的車流會很難處理 193 00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:51,400 我不是要教你怎麼做事... 194 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,235 你是在教我怎麼做事嗎? 195 00:10:53,235 --> 00:10:56,280 沒有,我特別表明我不是這個意思 196 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:59,450 夠了,不知名校長 197 00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:01,952 行人請勿通行 198 00:11:01,952 --> 00:11:06,290 但荷馬,如果不事先準備 現場會一團混亂 199 00:11:06,874 --> 00:11:08,376 一團混亂 200 00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:09,543 {\an8}現場一團混亂,各位觀眾 201 00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:10,628 {\an8}(接送末日) 202 00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:12,672 {\an8}記者艾寧派伊在高空為您現場直播 203 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:16,967 {\an8}小學交通堵塞演變成火爆的校園全武行 204 00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:19,804 小鎮薪水優渥的導護人員 205 00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:22,807 想必能讓週一早晨動亂恢復秩序 206 00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:26,227 各位,別這樣 207 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:36,028 動手動腳只會讓情況變糟 208 00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:38,948 別逼我對你們吹哨子 209 00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:40,032 辛普森隊長 210 00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:43,160 他們一直搖我的車,可能帶來危險 211 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,955 過氧化氫、酵母和洗碗精會混合 212 00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,039 所以呢? 213 00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:51,043 這些原料會製造出令人驚豔 但極其不穩定的物質,又稱... 214 00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:55,506 大象牙膏 215 00:11:56,841 --> 00:12:00,428 這是自伊索多隊贏得錦標賽之後 最代價高昂 216 00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:02,179 最具破壞性且噁爛的暴動 217 00:12:02,179 --> 00:12:03,264 塔布斯隊加油 218 00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:07,393 荷馬辛普森導護隊長 你如何為自己辯白? 219 00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,228 {\an8}- 對,是怎樣? - 你爛透了 220 00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:10,980 {\an8}(荷馬J辛普森) 221 00:12:11,605 --> 00:12:13,399 我要怎麼辦?該怪誰? 222 00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:15,651 沿岸精英分子? 推崇酪梨飲食的社會主義者? 223 00:12:15,651 --> 00:12:17,737 那個男孩?我知道了 224 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,364 市長先生,這一切都要怪 225 00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:24,869 導護團隊的預算不足 226 00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:26,245 我們需要更多錢 227 00:12:27,663 --> 00:12:29,165 更多錢? 228 00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:32,585 {\an8}用更多錢負擔訓練 購買設備、支付加班費 229 00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:36,714 {\an8}這樣你們的孩子就算在凌晨三點 也能安全過馬路 230 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:44,263 把錢投入大有瑕疵的機構一定有用 231 00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:47,516 你們都吸茫了嗎? 232 00:12:47,516 --> 00:12:51,812 荷馬辛普森和他的涼椅騙徒這次出了大包 233 00:12:51,812 --> 00:12:56,025 你們現在還想給他們更多錢? 這根本沒道理 234 00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:58,068 聽好了,社會正義小丑 235 00:12:58,068 --> 00:13:00,404 只有我這種人能保護 236 00:13:00,404 --> 00:13:05,201 你們的上學孩童 不會被我這種邊開車邊傳訊息的人撞飛 237 00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:10,998 如果你不滿意,大可違規走回波特蘭 238 00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:13,417 什麼? 239 00:13:13,417 --> 00:13:16,754 同意我態度一百八十度轉變 240 00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:20,132 幫導護人員開空白支票的所有人 說「我同意」 241 00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:22,301 - 我同意 - 不同意 242 00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:24,345 快把我的超大支票簿拿來 243 00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:26,514 (支付給導護人員) (金額任你寫,元) 244 00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:27,598 成功了 245 00:13:27,598 --> 00:13:30,142 也許我該多要幾張,以防不時之需 246 00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:32,394 再給你一張,以防不時之需 247 00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:36,732 {\an8}(洛克希孟喬森症候群早午餐店) 248 00:13:37,441 --> 00:13:40,653 這種沙包火箭炮 能擊破小型廂型車的擋風玻璃 249 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:41,737 {\an8}(《特攻隊話題》) 250 00:13:41,737 --> 00:13:43,739 {\an8}還附贈沙包彈帶 251 00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:46,659 看看擁有巨額預算的你 252 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:50,955 你在街上和床上都能呼風喚雨 253 00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:52,873 滾床單的意思 254 00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:55,751 我好喜歡我們昨晚戴著墨鏡做 255 00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:57,545 我什麼都看不到 256 00:13:57,545 --> 00:14:00,381 {\an8}天啊,看看這些酷炫玩意兒 257 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:03,551 你真是至高無上的導護之神 258 00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:05,886 我以為你說過徽章很爛 259 00:14:05,886 --> 00:14:08,264 拜託,就像所有一夕致富的人 260 00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:10,975 我馬上就跳槽到掌權者的那一邊 261 00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:15,312 妳要收我錢嗎?法蘭欣 262 00:14:15,312 --> 00:14:17,565 儘管我每天早上都確保妳孩子的安全? 263 00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:21,485 艾登、夏洛特和近視的尼克拉斯 264 00:14:21,485 --> 00:14:23,279 抱歉,店家招待 265 00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:25,030 感謝你的服務,英雄 266 00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:28,325 我根本沒小孩,但這傢伙好嚇人 267 00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:35,708 爸,我擔心金錢和權力急速增加 讓你有點墮落了 268 00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:38,127 親愛的,放輕鬆 269 00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:40,588 不只是「有點」 270 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:46,719 (導護人員) 271 00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:52,725 (停) (通行) 272 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,143 (禁止跨越) 273 00:14:57,855 --> 00:14:58,981 (加油站) 274 00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:01,567 (奶油小子甜甜圈) (庫斯提漢堡) 275 00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:05,946 快通過...快通過 276 00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:07,656 {\an8}(春田導護隊) (導護人員) 277 00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:08,782 {\an8}做得好,小尖 278 00:15:08,782 --> 00:15:12,912 {\an8}莫爾曼,三點鐘方向有「疑規馬」 疑似違規過馬路者 279 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:15,331 {\an8}怒氣沖沖地去交涉 280 00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:16,415 {\an8}收到 281 00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:19,627 {\an8}手槍保險和隨身攝影機已關閉 282 00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:25,049 辛普森和他的橘衣手下在騷擾市民 283 00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:27,676 完全忽視他們的公民權益 284 00:15:27,676 --> 00:15:31,847 我要應付民怨電郵和九位數官司 忙得焦頭爛額 285 00:15:31,847 --> 00:15:37,311 你大可稍微刪減預算 286 00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:38,604 撤資? 287 00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:42,107 我的部門預算吃緊 288 00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:44,526 你怎麼知道我們在講什麼? 289 00:15:45,402 --> 00:15:47,279 監控衛星 290 00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:51,742 老天,我們警方也想要 291 00:15:52,576 --> 00:15:53,744 {\an8}辛普森隊長 292 00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:56,914 {\an8}你的導護人員已經占用了 絕大部分的小鎮預算 293 00:15:56,914 --> 00:15:57,998 {\an8}(小鎮預算) 294 00:15:57,998 --> 00:16:03,671 {\an8}我們不得不把你們的預算刪減1.5% 295 00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:05,714 1.5... 296 00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:12,429 長官,你馬上就會明白 你過不了導護隊這一關 297 00:16:15,265 --> 00:16:18,811 那個協助我們過馬路的好人去哪了? 298 00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:21,271 聽說他的資金被砍了 299 00:16:21,271 --> 00:16:23,399 我們自己過馬路吧 300 00:16:27,277 --> 00:16:30,531 歡迎來到昆比市長執政的春田 301 00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:33,701 人口又少了兩個小孩 302 00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:37,037 昆比和他的肥胖警察親信 想讓街道充斥食品外送飆仔 303 00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:40,541 轟隆作響的擋路騎士 和看到黃燈一定衝的駕駛 304 00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:45,421 喬昆比,春田之惡,美國的禍害 305 00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:47,256 {\an8}由昆比贊助播出 306 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:48,924 毀我名聲的廣告? 307 00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:51,343 今年還沒要選舉耶 308 00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:52,428 是嗎? 309 00:16:52,928 --> 00:16:57,224 荷馬辛普森可以欺負 這座小鎮、小鎮居民和年幼孩童 310 00:16:57,224 --> 00:16:59,560 但休想欺負我 311 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,646 克蘭西,制伏他 312 00:17:02,646 --> 00:17:04,648 我的榮幸 313 00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:10,529 我細橘線臉書粉專上的反昆比廣告 有一百萬個讚 314 00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:12,656 看看這些支持我的留言 315 00:17:12,656 --> 00:17:15,868 「謀殺昆比」?「斷昆比手腳」? 316 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:18,620 「回到過去,殺了嬰兒昆比」? 317 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:22,166 網路就是這樣,買賣想法之地 318 00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:25,753 你會危害政府官員的生命 319 00:17:26,336 --> 00:17:27,337 拜託 320 00:17:27,337 --> 00:17:29,048 我只是放一點假消息 321 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,883 再糟又有多糟? 322 00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:34,803 天啊 323 00:17:35,679 --> 00:17:36,764 {\an8}(過得了) 324 00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:39,892 {\an8}這個椅子是我執法時最好的朋友 325 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:42,102 是誰膽敢這麼做? 326 00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:43,979 就是我 327 00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:47,608 惹到豬警察,就等著被豬咬 328 00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:51,111 你太過分了,維古姆 329 00:17:51,111 --> 00:17:55,074 我的導護隊和你的警隊必須一決勝負 330 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:58,160 就在小鎮最危險的地方 331 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,204 哪裡?一直給大家下毒討關注的 332 00:18:00,204 --> 00:18:02,331 洛克希孟喬森症候群早午餐店? 333 00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:06,168 不是,是六叉路口 334 00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:08,170 (警察) 335 00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:10,005 看看這是誰呢 336 00:18:10,005 --> 00:18:14,176 我以為警察只會在出事後才出現 337 00:18:14,176 --> 00:18:16,595 (讓道) 338 00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:18,680 我們受夠了你們這些導護人員 339 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:22,392 還有你們不負責任 大男人主義、極度敏感 340 00:18:22,392 --> 00:18:25,646 超級軍事化的愚蠢行徑 341 00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:27,147 那是警察專屬的特性,可惡 342 00:18:27,147 --> 00:18:28,524 不,那是我們專屬的特性 343 00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:29,608 (移民及海關執法局) 344 00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:31,193 你們是誰啊? 345 00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:35,906 我們是維護美國安全的移民及海關執法局 要剷除清潔員和上大學的非法移民 346 00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:37,491 我們才是美國英雄 347 00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:39,326 想得美,關押孩童的壞人 348 00:18:39,326 --> 00:18:40,577 我們是美國運輸安全管理局 349 00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:45,374 是我們在維護美國安全 像沒收洗髮精一樣一個一個處理 350 00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:47,334 {\an8}再想想吧,聞臭鞋專員 351 00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:48,418 {\an8}(停車執法人員) 352 00:18:48,418 --> 00:18:52,256 {\an8}社會之所以能正常運作 都是因為有開停車罰單的女員工 353 00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:54,299 {\an8}還有開停車罰單的男員工 354 00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:55,926 不,是我們 355 00:18:55,926 --> 00:18:59,638 住在合法擁槍州、過度熱心的守望相助隊 356 00:19:00,722 --> 00:19:01,807 抱歉,克蘭 357 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,896 你們都以為自己在維護美國安全嗎? 358 00:19:08,605 --> 00:19:12,067 為什麼?就因為你們騷擾老奶奶 和毀掉墨西哥15歲慶生會嗎? 359 00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:14,486 還是因為你們用金屬探測器 掃描我的老二? 360 00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:18,949 或是逮捕搶劫銀行的銀行搶匪? 361 00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:22,703 我跟你們不同,我有資格自以為是上帝 362 00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:25,038 我真的在拯救生命 363 00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:27,875 我們每天都在拯救生命,老兄 364 00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:29,126 閉嘴,救生員 365 00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:30,460 我們只吵陸地上的事 366 00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:33,422 但如果其他人想大鬧一場,那就來吧 367 00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:34,798 我們打個痛快 368 00:19:34,798 --> 00:19:38,635 但聽好了,在攻擊導護人員之前 369 00:19:38,635 --> 00:19:41,638 你們最好先看兩邊... 370 00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:45,225 大家好,我回來了,我... 371 00:19:45,225 --> 00:19:46,310 糟糕 372 00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:47,394 (校車) 373 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,773 我要去坐牢了嗎? 374 00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:53,400 絕對不會 375 00:19:55,235 --> 00:19:58,780 希望你得到了寶貴的教訓,爸 376 00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,407 絕對的權力... 377 00:20:00,407 --> 00:20:01,909 就是史上最讚的權力嗎? 378 00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:03,577 是上膛的沙包火箭炮? 379 00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:07,915 對社會有害,但對我有莫名的吸引力 380 00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:09,166 不是 381 00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:13,837 你武裝導護隊後 他們就成了要尋找敵人的軍隊 382 00:20:13,837 --> 00:20:16,757 如果你手上只有鎚子 383 00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:19,760 那一切看起來都像釘子 384 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,762 也許吧,但另一方面... 385 00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:25,224 - 媽 - 騙到妳了 386 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,351 霸子,說「不好意思」 387 00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:31,146 我才不在乎他說「不好意思」 我不要他對著我的臉打嗝 388 00:20:31,146 --> 00:20:32,231 放輕鬆,花枝 389 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:33,398 這很難嗎? 390 00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,150 - 我才不要道歉 - 他老是這樣 391 00:20:35,150 --> 00:20:38,028 - 打爆釘子 - 你有聞到打嗝味嗎? 392 00:21:27,035 --> 00:21:29,037 字幕翻譯:劉晏汝